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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26449579">Bloodline</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/roxypony/pseuds/roxypony'>roxypony</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Dirty Chai AU [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Cirque du Freak | The Saga of Darren Shan - Darren Shan, Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant (2009)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst and Humor, Canon-Typical Violence, Drama &amp; Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Explicit Language, Family, Family Drama, Friendship, Gen, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Psychological Trauma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 06:16:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>234,868</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26449579</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/roxypony/pseuds/roxypony</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>SEQUEL TO ENDGAME</p><p>Sequel to Endgame. The game is over and everyone lost. So begins the aftermath of the biggest scandal in Vampire Mountain history. The War of the Scars has begun. Kurda's been dishonourably exiled for high treason, and Mika is left to pick up the pieces of his life and re-discover who he is without Kurda. [Mika-centric. Basically his life, parallel to canon between books 7-9].</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Arrow &amp; Mika Ver Leth, Mika Ver Leth &amp; Paris Skyle, Mika Ver Leth/Kurda Smahlt, OC - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Dirty Chai AU [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1840576</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Dark Don't Even Know You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>OKAAAYY FAM! Who's ready for round 4 because I have no self-control? Welcome to Bloodline! This chapter... it's fucking angsty as shit, guys. It's Sad Boy Hours in Vampire Mountain. This is an Endgame spoiler but if you haven't read that you shouldn't be here. Anyway.... SOME OF Y'ALL REALLY THOUGHT I WAS GONNA KILL KURDA??? COME ONNNN.</p><p>    Before we get started I am doing a TW for the following content: alcohol abuse, mentions of PAST self-harm + substance abuse, one brief mention of suicide, and a present-day situation that isn't intentional self-harm but close enough. Idk how to explain it but I'm being cautious.</p><p>    Some of this story will follow canon, but like Endgame it'll reach a point where I go off-script and do my own thing.</p><p>    Also the flashback is from like... chapter 11 or 12 (?) of Call It What You Want. I was re-reading it the other day and it reads like a high school romcom now that I've written Endgame smh. Their lives were so simple back then.</p><p>    Alright folks, I really mean it this time - so begins the Last First Chapter.</p><p>    Chapter 1: The Dark Don't Even Know You</p><p>    Song: The Corner by Dermot Kennedy</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>This should have never been your road</em>
  </strong><br/>
<strong>
    <em>We should have stayed there on the corner</em>
  </strong><br/>
<strong>
    <em>You know I'm always at your shoulder</em>
  </strong><br/>
<strong>
    <em>Take your hand out of your holster</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Mika remained in the Hall of Princes alone during the funerals. Someone had to stay behind and he figured it might as well be him. After watching Kurda turn his back on everything, both figuratively and literally, he was in no mood to witness the final sendoff of all those vampires.</p><p>He was grateful for some peace and quiet. But he wished he could've been there for Arra's, regardless of the pain it would've caused him. Arrow gave him a gentle nudge through their mental link when it was her turn so Mika knew when to bow his head and whisper to himself,</p><p>"Even in may you be triumphant...I'm going to miss you so much. I'm sorry, Arra."</p><p>Eventually, Paris and Arrow returned and Mika was able to leave the hall. He told them he was going to get some food, but truthfully he had no intention of eating. He should have; but it was the furthest thing from his mind. He just needed to walk.</p><p>But he didn't get very far. The second he stepped outside the Hall of Princes, someone's fist made full contact with his jaw and he went flying backwards in shock. Almost three centuries of combat training had honed his reflexes to perfection, and Mika delivered a swift counterstrike before his mind even registered who his assailant was. Mika's punch sent the other man reeling and he watched in bewilderment as the guards converged on a defiant, screaming, red-faced Larten Crepsley.</p><p>"HOW COULD YOU JUST LET HIM GO?" Larten bellowed, tears streaming down his face. "ARRA IS GONE! GAVNER IS GONE! ALL BECAUSE OF HIM! AND YOU LET THE TRAITOR WALK OUT OF HERE A FREE MAN!"</p><p>"Shut your mouth!" A guard barked at him. "You'll be executed for attacking a Prince!"</p><p>"We are so sorry, Sire! He slipped past us before we could stop him!" Gasped another.</p><p>"Are you hurt? What would you have us do with him?" Asked another guard, hurrying over to Mika.</p><p>"I'm fine, thank you." Said Mika slowly, still processing.</p><p>It was a good, clean punch and Mika could taste blood and feel a bit trickling from his lip. He wiped his face slowly then looked down at the red stain on the back of his hand for a moment. Then back to Larten who was still struggling viciously, panting and swearing.</p><p>"Let him go." Mika added decisively. "No one else is dying here."</p><p>"But Sire-"</p><p>"Did I fucking stutter? Larten Crepsley has been an asset to this clan longer than you've walked this earth, Patrick. Take your hands off him."</p><p>The guards exchanged an uncomfortable look but relinquished their grasp on Larten. However, he didn't look exactly grateful for Mika's lenience.</p><p>"You had a job to do, Mika! Just one job!" Larten sobbed, advancing again. His voice was broken and shaking but his body was anything but. He was on a mission. "She died fighting for us, and Gavner was murdered in cold blood! All you had to do was make sure there was justice served! And you failed them! How can you live with yourself knowing the traitor still breathes while they are dead?"</p><p>Seba came flying around the corner. His eyes went wide as he realized what was happening. Evidently he'd tried to keep Larten in check but had been evaded. Mika didn't know where Darren was but he was glad he wasn't here to witness his mentor's meltdown, because it was ugly.</p><p>"Sire!" Seba gasped in horror, seeing the erratic Larten, the blood on Mika's face, and the agitated guards still ready to intervene. "I am sorry! He is mad with grief, he does not know what he is doing!"</p><p>Mika deftly raised his hand and Seba fell silent. Then dead-eyed Larten and took a step towards him.</p><p>"Larten..." Mika growled. "You know damn well it's not that simple. You're hurting. Believe me, I fucking get it. Walk away from me right now and I'll pretend this never happened."</p><p>"She deserved more!" Larten howled, seemingly deaf to Mika's dismissal. "She considered you family! Any other vampire would have tasted the stakes for doing half of what Kurda did... he betrayed you too! And you call yourself a Prince? You are the traitor, Mika Ver Leth! You failed us!"</p><p>So much for letting Larten off with a slap on the wrist. Mika felt his temper rise and his blood boiled. Without realizing he was doing it, he began rolling up his sleeves getting ready to finish what Larten started.</p><p>Alright, Quicksilver... he thought to himself. Today is not the day, and I am not the one.</p><p>"I seem to recall it was Glalda that struck Arra down. And from where I was standing, your underage apprentice was the one who took him out of before either of us had a chance to intervene. And you know damn well I wouldn't have given Glalda nearly as quick a death as Darren did if I'd gotten there first." Mika told him icily.</p><p>"And Gavner?" Larten sobbed. "Even you cannot justify murder!"</p><p>Mika felt his brain short-circuit for a moment as he remembered the night he found Kurda alone in a deserted hallway having a debilitating panic attack on the floor. Now he knew he'd just come back from killing Gavner Purl. And Mika had dropped every single thing on his massive to-do list that night to comfort him. The thought made him feel nauseous.</p><p>"I'M NOT JUSTIFYING ANYTHING!" Mika snarled viciously, taking another step towards him. "You have no fucking idea what this looks like from my end! You had your chance to be a Prince and you threw it away, so don't pull that righteous shit on me! You have NO idea!"</p><p>Larten paused and stared back at Mika, still panting and seething. Seba was begging him to calm down but the old man's pleas went ignored.</p><p>"If you're here to fight, let's go!" Mika continued, voice rising with every word until he was bellowing as loudly as Larten had been. He quickly closed the distance between himself and the orange-haired man. "Wouldn't be the first time you tried to fight me for her. But this time I won't take the high road! Come on Quicksilver, let's see if you've still got it! What are you waiting for? Fucking hit me!"</p><p>Larten let out an unintelligible scream of rage and swung his fist again. But Mika was ready and it only clipped his jaw. He retaliated with a sharp punch at Larten's head but he too was as fast as he'd ever been. The fight was swift and vicious. A crowd started to form within seconds. Mika and Larten were both in their prime, and very evenly matched. Larten was out of practice but it didn't seem to slow him down; he was dead even with Mika every step of the way. They didn't land many blows on each other, but the ones that connected were brutal. It would've carried on much longer than it did but then the doors to the Hall of Princes swooshed open and Paris and Arrow appeared to see what the hell was going on.</p><p>"MIKA!" Paris roared, his voice splitting the air like the crack of a whip. Sharp enough to halt Mika in his tracks. Larten tried to take advantage of his distraction but suddenly Seba was upon him, tackling him and holding his arms behind his back so he couldn't continue his assault on Mika. Mika wasn't ready to give up the fight either, but within seconds Paris stepped in and grabbed him in the same manner with which Seba was restraining Larten. The four of them sunk to the floor in a tangled mess of thrashing bodies and breathless cussing until the only sound in the vast cavern was the sound of Larten's anguished sobbing as he lay curled up in Seba's arms.</p><p>"I'm sorry, okay?!" Mika yelled bitterly as he struggled against Paris's unyielding grip. Even at 800 years old, the man was as strong as Mika had ever been. "I'm sorry, Larten! I'm so fucking sorry."</p><p>Seba's face looked stunned and dazed, he was looking past Mika and slightly upwards, at Paris. Mika felt another stab of guilt for losing his temper and goading Larten when he was so vulnerable. But it wasn't fair. Why did Larten get to have a screaming tantrum on the floor while Mika was expected to take the high road? Well, that was rhetorical. Mika knew why. It's not that Princes can't have feelings, but it's better for everyone if they feel them behind closed doors. Which was unfortunate because Mika could've really gone for a full-frontal public meltdown of his own.</p><p>"Are you quite finished embarrassing yourself?" Paris hissed irritably into his ear.</p><p>"For now." Mika sighed defeatedly. Paris released him and they both slowly got to their feet and dusted themselves off. Arrow was standing a few feet away with his arms crossed. He rolled his eyes as Mika glanced at him.</p><p>"Really?" Said Arrow reproachfully.</p><p>"I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm having a bad day." Mika replied dully as they headed back to the Hall of Princes.</p><p>"You know he's essentially our step-brother, right?" Arrow pointed out, gesturing at Larten who was still on the floor. Seba and Paris were both kneeling around the red-cloaked man's crumpled form exchanging worried looks with each other.</p><p>"It's crossed my mind." Mika sighed.</p><p>"Come on." Said Arrow, putting his hand on Mika's shoulder and steering him away. "You can't un-punch Crepsley but you can help me come up with a solution so we don't have to drop his kid on a stake."</p><p>"He punched me first." Mika grunted dispassionately, but he followed Arrow back to the thrones.</p><p>The debate on Darren Shan's fate took hours. But the look on Arrow's face when he suddenly got up out of his throne, spread his arms triumphantly and bellowed, "I'VE GOT IT!" was a breath of fresh air after the horror of the past few days.</p><p>Admittedly Mika had very few fucks left to give about anything at that point, but he found himself smiling as Arrow laid the plan out. Arrow looked so proud of himself and both Seba and Paris looked ready to cry in relief.</p><p>"Good work, A. Nailed it." Mika sighed, patting his friend on the arm as they waited for Larten and Darren to present themselves.</p><p>"I know you're usually the one with the ideas." Said Arrow with a grin. "But I thought I'd try my hand at being the smart one."</p><p>"Well, keep it up. I plan on turning my brain off for a few years once this is all over so it's your time to shine." Mika remarked wryly. Arrow chuckled and rolled his eyes.</p><p>Finally, it was over and Darren Shan had been abruptly initiated into a rank that many covet and few earn. Not only did they spare his life, the kid quite literally got the entire royal treatment. But Mika figured he deserved it. It was a good solution. Arrow was positively glowing after they'd finished exchanging blood with the boy; it was his idea to raise Darren up onto their shoulders when the kid looked on the verge of fainting.</p><p>Mika couldn't resist shooting a pointed smile at Larten as he and Arrow paraded around the Hall of Princes with Darren sitting on their shoulders waving at the crowd in a daze. Larten still looked like a hollow shell of his normal self but he manage to return Mika's look with a weary smile of his own.</p><p>Shortly after that, Mika made his way over to the pew Larten was sitting on, while the newly invested Darren was preoccupied chatting with Paris and Arrow.</p><p>"Thank you for this. I deeply regret my earlier behaviour. You did not deserve that." Said Larten stiffly as Mika sat down beside him.</p><p>"I'm over it. Just glad I'm not executing your kid." Mika replied conversationally, but not without a shrewd glance across at Larten. Larten grimaced.</p><p>"I too am glad you are not executing my kid."</p><p>"We didn't deserve for him to come back for us." Mika added. "Honourable or not, he owed us nothing. You raised a good one."</p><p>"Yes. I did that much right." Said Larten softly, watching Darren laugh happily at something Arrow and Vanez were saying. It was astonishing he could still smile after everything he'd been through. Mika and Larten sat and watched for a moment.</p><p>"I truly am sorry for the words I chose earlier. You are not a traitor, nor would you ever be. You were doing your best in an impossible situation." Larten spoke up after a minute. "My outburst was unacceptable and it will not happen again."</p><p>"No offence Quicksilver, but that doesn't even crack the top ten worst things that've happened to me lately. You'll have to do better than that if you want to phase me." Mika replied seriously. "But just for the record, I absolutely guarantee you I'll be losing more than a few hours of sleep over Gavner and Arra in the nights to come. They should be here... and they're not."</p><p>"Darren has no idea what Gavner was to me." Larten croaked. "He has no idea he practically had a brother - I asked Gavner not to mention it. I was going to tell Darren one of these nights... that he has more family than he realizes."</p><p>"I don't know your full history with Gavner, but I know enough." Said Mika quietly. "I'm so sorry. For all of this."</p><p>"How are you holding up?" Larten inquired with a wayward glance. And that was the moment knew this conversation was over.</p><p>"Thirsty." Said Mika bluntly, standing up. "Think I'm going to wander down to the kitchen and find something to drink."</p><p>Larten nodded, and remained seated. Mika paused before making his exit.</p><p>"And Larten, about taking your feelings out on people's faces..."</p><p>"I truly am so sorry."</p><p>"...I was going to say come at me any time you want. You know I'm good for it." Said Mika with a brittle smile. "Just give me a little warning, maybe? I've had enough surprises lately."</p><p>After the excitement died down and most of the audience had retreated to their cells to sleep, Paris insisted on having just a tiny celebration for their newest Prince. Nothing like a typical investiture feast, that would come later when things calmed down. But the old Prince felt the boy deserved something. A few hours of before they buckled down and faced their new reality.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>What if he never had to go?</em>
  </strong><br/>
<strong>
    <em>What if we never knew October?</em>
  </strong><br/>
<strong>
    <em>Would you run into the open?</em>
  </strong><br/>
<strong>
    <em>Would you take back all they told ya?</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>They remained in the Hall of Princes; that was the easiest way. Darren sat in Vancha's throne and was awestruck by how he could make the doors whoosh open and shut just by pressing his hand against the panel on the arm rest. The other three Princes sat in their own thrones of course, and Larten, Seba, and Vanez sat casually on the stairs leading up to the platform. No one was without a beverage of some sort in their hand. It was very lax and informal but it was what everyone needed. Most had ale. Paris and Seba had wine. Mika had taken the whiskey route, which was standard for him. But he didn't normally sit slumped sideways in his throne with the entire (large) bottle in his hand. He was aware that Paris kept shooting him furtive looks of disapproval but he was well beyond caring.</p><p>They mostly made small talk, told stories and made very halfhearted jokes. It was really just an attempt to make Darren feel a little more comfortable in the role that had been thrust upon him, and to try to find some semblance of peace since no one really felt like going to bed. But the truth was, they were all broken in one way or another. About an hour in, Mika figured he should probably slow down, maybe switch to ale or at the very least take a drink of water or eat some actual food; he hadn't done either in about 36 hours. But the burning liquor was the final line of defence standing between him and the crushing weight of literally everything so he sat with the group and just existed as best he could, until he could no longer do even that.</p><p>Kurda is in dishonourable exile. Might as well be dead.</p><p>Arra is dead. Killed by the vampaneze who plotted with Kurda for years.</p><p>Kurda murdered Gavner.</p><p>Kurda was going to murder Paris, Arrow, and me and I'm only alive because of the child I was about to execute.</p><p>I spared a traitor who would've burned us to the ground if he had to.</p><p>Something something doomsday prophecy.</p><p>He planned all this right in front of me and I had no idea.</p><p>We're going to war.</p><p>And the most devastating blow of all...</p><p>I have to find a way to tell Gracie all of that.</p><p>When the room started to spin off its axis. Mika knew he was too far gone. Knew he had no business being around people right now. He was trying so hard but his head was throbbing and his body felt numb and he was rapidly losing his grip on sanity. He could feel his heart and lungs starting to work harder by the second.</p><p>His mind stopped comprehending the chattering voices around him, they began to sound distorted and foreign.</p><p>The last of his adrenaline had finally burned off and his weary body was in no state to produce more. And eventually he reached a point where he was absolutely certain if he stayed in this room for one second longer he would die, so he lurched up and out of his throne abruptly and walked out of the hall without a word to anyone.</p><p>Mika always had a taste for the finer things in life. He was very fond of the matching furniture in cell: coffin, cabinet, dresser, desk, and mirror frame. All in the same luxurious dark mahogany. Now he was standing in his cell for the first time since prior to the almost-investiture. For the first time in days he was alone with his thoughts.</p><p>All he could hear was Kurda's voice, that laugh that sounded like a crystal-clear mountain spring, teasing him about what a snob he was. Saw him lying there in that coffin, on his back with his arms folded behind his head, grinning lazily up at him. Eyes bluer than the ocean, only slightly obscured by the white-gold hair that kept falling in front of them.</p><p>Fuck... Mika blinked fast and hard, trying to dispel the image. His mind felt more unhinged by the second, he knew he had to lay down before something bad happened. But first, water. If his cloudy memory served, there'd be some at his desk. He stumbled towards it but the torchlight flickering in the stand-up mirror caught his eye. He stopped and looked. But he didn't see his current swaying, dishevelled, exhausted self staring back. Suddenly it was five-ish years ago and he was two days away from marrying Arra Sails. Kurda had been playing the role of supportive-ex-friend-with-benefits and had asked Mika if he could borrow some formal robes for the occasion. Mika essentially said "sure man, hope you like black". Kurda didn't like black but he also didn't own any formal clothing at the time so his options were limited.</p><p>
  <strong>FIVE YEARS AGO:</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>"I look ridiculous." Kurda said flatly. "Thanks, Mika. But I can't wear this."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I've never seen you in black. I think you look good." Said Mika softly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Too dark." Kurda muttered brusquely. "I look like I'm trying to be something I'm not."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"And what's that?" Mika inquired, tilting his head curiously.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You." Kurda snorted. "I look like I'm trying to be you. Except instead of channeling your overall aesthetic, which is all moody and mysterious and 'fuck you I'm Mika Ver Leth'... I just look like a sad idiot going to the world's fanciest funeral."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Mika pressed his lips together firmly but Kurda could see the laughter in his eyes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Kurda... what does that even mean? Are you serious? Come on, it's not that deep."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I can't wear your clothes to your wedding, Mika." Kurda sighed resignedly. "I'm sorry I asked."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Have it your way, then." Said Mika unconcernedly, his eyes on Kurda who was still focusing determinedly on his own reflection in the mirror. "But just for the record, you couldn't be me if you tried."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kurda couldn't resist. His head snapped to the right so he could raise his eyebrows at Mika.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Is that so?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Mika heaved a long sigh and leaned back in his chair, fixing Kurda with a steady, brooding gaze. There was a faint ghost of a smile playing on his lips.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Not a chance. You're nothing like me. The way you float around this place like you're weightless. How smile through everything like you've never had a bad day in your life. How kindness is your default setting. That you're constantly such a fucking optimist, sometimes to the point where sometimes I want to throw you in the river but mostly because I just don't understand how you do it and I wish I could."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He was still gazing up at Kurda, but his smile had faded and now he just looked weary. Kurda held his gaze, eyes slightly narrowed, listening carefully.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"The way you make no apologies for being exactly who you are. You've taken all the shit this clan has thrown at you over the years and turned it into your own kind of strength. The kind that most of them don't have the mental capacity to understand."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Mika's voice had dropped in volume so much that Kurda could barely hear him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"The way you're stronger than me, smarter than me, tougher than me. You're better than I could ever hope to be. So don't worry, Kurda. It doesn't matter that you wear. No one's going to think you're anything like me."</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>PRESENT DAY:</strong>
</p><p>All he could see in that mirror was himself and Kurda on that day five years ago, standing shoulder to shoulder, glancing back and forth at each other with a handful of poorly concealed emotions. When Mika finally lost control and drove his fist through the glass, it wasn't Kurda's face he aimed for, but his own. The smooth glass exploded into a thousand razor sharp pieces that tore into his flesh like knives. A rush of pain shot through his body and for the first time in days he felt some semblance of release. At least his body could still perceive something besides grief.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Holding, waiting for something</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>That'll keep you from the cold</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>It feels like winter follows you around</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>Holding, waiting for something</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>That'll keep you from the cold</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>To Mika's credit, he hung on longer than Arrow expected. He definitely seemed more withdrawn than usual, but he was doing his best. He was visibly dazed but so was everyone else. Arrow was acutely aware they were all just running on fumes at that point, and when the adrenaline ran out it would be a hard crash for Mika.</p><p>Personally, Arrow thought Mika had been hitting the bottle of whiskey a little hard. And coming from Arrow, that was saying a lot. But... Mika had also just come through the literal worst days of his entire life, bar none. So Arrow kept his mouth shut. He kept a close eye on Mika though. He quietly observed his friend slowly disengage more and more over the course of several hours and he knew the exact moment Mika finally lost whatever internal battle was raging inside him, because he stood up and left the hall silently.</p><p>Paris discretely caught Arrow's eye.</p><p>"If he's not back in ten minutes... go." The old Prince murmured to his younger, tattooed colleague. Arrow nodded grimly. He knew Mika wasn't coming back, but he dutifully waited ten minutes and then he bid the group goodnight and excused himself.</p><p>One of the only things in life that Arrow knew for certain was that Mika Ver Leth was the only reason he was still walking this earth. The darkness that had followed Arrow since Sarah's death had all but buried him alive. Against all odds Mika had dragged him back from the edge of total self destruction. And ever since then, Arrow hoped and prayed every day of his life that he never had to return the favour.</p><p>But that day had arrived, and it was worse than he could have imagined. Arrow's pain had always been clear cut, black and white. He suffered a devastating loss, and then he grieved it. Not to minimize the scope of his trauma; he still woke up in a cold sweat all these decades later. It had been hell, but he knew what he was grieving. He knew who he was angry at. He had closure. But Mika's loss was an entirely different creature than Arrow's, and it lived in a universe where closure wasn't an option.</p><p>Arrow knocked once when he reached Mika's cell door, but didn't wait for a response. If he had, it would've been an awfully long wait.</p><p>"Oh gods, Mika..." Arrow murmured in dismay as he gingerly opened the doors. He knew immediately it had been a mistake to wait ten minutes before intervening.</p><p>Mika's treasured XL luxury coffin had been destroyed, torn apart entirely. The lid seemed to have been ripped from its hinges and reduced to splinters. Then there was the mirror, smashed to pieces. All that remained was the dark wooden frame with a few pieces of glass sticking out here and there. It didn't take long to find the rest of the glass, the shards were scattered all over the floor along with the countless cracked and broken pieces of wood from the coffin, even more razor-sharp fragments of glass that had clearly been the whiskey bottle. And of course pools of spilled liquor slowly spreading across the floor, intermingling with enough blood to be concerning... and in the centre of that wasteland was Mika. He was on his knees, holding his face in his hands, shaking and sobbing as though his heart was being carved slowly out of his chest with a blunt knife.</p><p>Arrow's blood ran cold as he took it all in, but he didn't skip a beat. He knelt beside Mika and held him, pulling him tightly against his chest. The blood seemed to be coming from his hands and arms which had been torn apart on the shards of mirror glass.</p><p>"I don't understand..." Mika sobbed, words muffled in Arrow's shoulder. "I missed so many signs... Why didn't he just tell me we were in trouble? What did I do wrong?"</p><p>...what did I do wrong?! That was a string of words Arrow had never, ever heard come out of Mika's mouth.</p><p>"I'm so sorry." Arrow whispered disconsolately, knowing it didn't help at all. "You didn't do anything wrong, Mika. Don't ever think that. You didn't deserve this."</p><p>"I could've stopped it... I would've helped him find a different way..."</p><p>"None of us could've predicted it, not even you. Don't you dare blame yourself. Now come on, you're not staying here." Arrow croaked, struggling to keep his own emotions in check. He pulled Mika to his feet; it was no small task as Mika was barely functional. Once he was standing it took all of Arrow's arm strength to keep him that way. He leaned heavily into Arrow's chest, wracked by grief and barely able to breathe, much less form any more coherent words. Arrow didn't know how it felt to be collateral damage of a foiled murder-suicide-treason-doomsday plot by the love of your life and be left with more questions than answers. But he did know what rock bottom felt like. Arrow didn't like to brag, but he practically had a Ph.D in grief.</p><p>Mika's cell would need to be cleared of all the shards of glass, splintered wood, blood, and alcohol before it could be inhabitable again, but this was not the time to grab a broom and mop. Arrow led Mika out of the room and into his own cell, thankfully it was just across the hall. There, he gently steered him onto the large, scruffy, well-loved couch. Mika was bleeding from multiple lacerations on his hands and forearms where he'd evidently gotten into a fight with the mirror. Arrow could clearly see there was still a good amount of glass embedded in his skin. Arrow left Mika there for a moment and returned quickly with a small wooden box in which he kept some basic medical supplies.</p><p>"Arms out. You've got half your mirror sticking out of you." Arrow murmured. "Gods, I leave you unsupervised for ten minutes..."</p><p>To Arrow's great relief, Mika allowed him to set about plucking glass from his skin with a small set of tweezers. It was slow going. Arrow moved as gently as he could but his large hands weren't used to such delicate work, and Mika was still trembling violently. But Arrow had all the time in the world, so he laboured for the better part of an hour until he was confident that he'd gotten it all.</p><p>Arrow murmured a variation of the same mantra every few minutes even though he knew from personal experience it didn't help: "I know it hurts. I'm here. We're going to get through this. You are so loved." Until finally the task was finished.</p><p>"This is the last one." Arrow whispered as he gently plucked what appeared to be the last piece of glass from Mika's wounds. Mika had stopped crying but Arrow did not feel relieved by that fact. The panicked, broken sobs had been replaced by an expression of numb helplessness that was much harder to watch than tears. Arrow fetched a cloth and delicately cleaned each cut.</p><p>"All done. You can rest now." Said Arrow.</p><p>Mika sagged forwards again, holding his face in his hands and breathing heavily. Arrow cringed at the thought of how much worse he'd be feeling in the morning; all he could smell was whiskey.</p><p>"I have to tell Gracie..." Mika whimpered suddenly. He was staring at Arrow through wild, panicked eyes and his breathing had started to quicken again.</p><p>"I know." Arrow replied in a steady, even tone. "But you can't think about that right now. Once your head is clear, you can sit down and plan exactly what you want to say to her."</p><p>"How can I explain it... when I don't even understand? He betrayed her too!"</p><p>"Shhhh. Breathe. You haven't even had time to process it yet. Gracie is a thousand miles away with no idea anything is wrong. Let her be happy for a few more days."</p><p>Mika paused for a moment but then became erratic once more.</p><p>"I can't do this..." he moaned, his body shaking with sobs again.</p><p>"You have to." Arrow replied calmly. "You don't have the luxury of tapping out. You have to fight through it. We need you. She needs you."</p><p>"I can't... Make it stop..."</p><p>The quiet desperation in those three words crippled what was left of Arrow's heart and he had to fight to keep himself calm and steadfast. He gently slipped his arms around Mika's shoulders.</p><p>"I wish I could. I'd do anything... you know that." Arrow whispered. "Just get some rest. Take as much time off as you need. Come back to work when you're ready."</p><p>"Never going back... I'm done." Mika replied, shaking his head numbly.</p><p>"Done what?"</p><p>"All of it... Throne. Mountain. I'm done. I give up. Can't do it anymore."</p><p>Arrow didn't think his heart could sink any lower, and yet... his first instinct upon hearing those sobering words was panic. To shout, "I think the fuck not." But he forced himself to remain calm. He decided the best thing to do in that moment was ignore the unsettling proclamation. Mika was drunk and in shock, there was no way he'd actually quit. Not a chance, ever. So Arrow just hugged him harder.</p><p>Mika gave up trying to speak. Eventually the heartwrenching sobs abated, his body relaxed and he melted into his best friend's strong embrace as exhaustion finally won over panic.</p><p>"Physically speaking, does anything else hurt?" Arrow asked cautiously. Mika shook his head.</p><p>"Good. Right now you need to drink some water, and get some sleep. In that order." Said Arrow. "Don't think about tomorrow, okay? One day at a time."</p><p>Arrow gently disentangled himself so he could stand up and fetch some water and his warmest blanket. He was relieved when Mika obediently drained the cup, then slowly lay down and closed his eyes. Eventually his erratic breathing evened out, and he drifted mercifully off to sleep. At least he could be free of pain for a few hours. Arrow sat on the floor with his back against the couch, breathing deeply. Now he could try to organize his own emotions.</p><p>As he sat, the weary tattooed Prince remembered one of the first few nights he'd spent back in Vampire Mountain after life as he knew it came to a halt. Sarah's demise had sent him into a downward spiral full of more forms of destruction than you can count. Violence, self-harm, suicidal ideations, and substance abuse hadn't yet faded into his past when he found himself sitting on the floor of his old cell, screaming incoherently at Mika who just... sat there. On the other side of the room, but at eye level with Arrow. Mika had barely been a General for a month at that point and there were a million other things he could have been doing. Arrow remembered yelling at Mika over and over again to just get out, to leave him alone.</p><p>And he remembered Mika shaking his head and responding with unyielding determination:</p><p>"I'm not leaving, Arrow. I'll stay over here, I won't touch you. I won't even talk if you don't want me to. But I'm not leaving you alone."</p><p>Mika spoke those words decades ago, but now Arrow responded:</p><p>"I'm not leaving you either." He whispered into the darkness as one lonely tear rolled down his cheek.</p><p>Arrow knew he needed sleep almost as much as Mika did but he sat awake for an hour or so just in case. Mika's level of intoxication was concerning, but it did cause him to drift off to sleep much more easily than he would have otherwise.</p><p>Paris checked in with Arrow shortly after, and the apprehension in his mind was clear.</p><p>
  <em>PS: How is he holding up?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: Remember how I was after Sarah?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS: I don't like to.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: He might be worse.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS: I was afraid of that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: Honestly, I don't think we're any further ahead than we would've been if we'd just gone ahead and killed Kurda.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS: Stay with him. I'll come check on you both tomorrow. Darren will be fine in the Hall by himself for a while. He'll have Larten to help him anyway.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: Yeah.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS: Get some rest, Arrow. Look after yourself. Remember, you cannot pour from an empty cup. And all three will have to do a lot of pouring in the foreseeable future. Well, four of us now</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: Love you, Paris.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS: And I love you, my son. Both of you. Everything will be okay as long as we have each other.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>So, just remember who you are</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>How you were never one for folding</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>How you never liked the corner</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>How the dark don't even know you</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>When Mika awoke many hours later, all he knew was that everything hurt. The withdrawal from the strong liquor left him weak and and shivering. His head throbbed so badly he could barely open his eyes, even the faint torchlight hurt terribly. The physical pain was miserable. But the weight of everything else was all-consuming.</p><p>He knew Arrow was close by, he could hear him slowly walking around the room, rummaging here and there. Mika didn't feel ready to open his eyes yet but he was aware he was still on the couch in Arrow's cell and he supposed that made sense. Where else could he have gone? He'd rendered his own room uninhabitable. It wasn't the first time he'd slept here. Years ago when Arrow was suffering from nightmares or episodes of heavy depression, Mika had spent countless hours here keeping an eye on him. More recently, there'd been the handful of fights with Kurda that had Mika storming across the hall and flopping down here so he could sleep alone. Sometimes Arrow would be on the floor in his coffin and he'd mumble a sleepy greeting before going back to sleep. Other times Arrow would be on duty in the Hall and Mika would just appreciate the comfortable silence, knowing Arrow wouldn't mind him being there.</p><p>This couch and Mika went way back, no question about it. He tried very hard not to think about the night he'd sat here beside Arrow, trying to figure out his feelings for Kurda at the last possible minute before he was scheduled to marry Arra. He distinctly remembered how, upon the conclusion of that conversation, his first thought had been that everything was going to be okay after that. He was in love with Kurda. Evidence suggested Kurda is in love with him too. He'd figured it out just in time.</p><p>You didn't figure out fuck all! He longed to scream at his past self. Look at you now! Look how well that went! It's only by pure luck and a kid's honour you're not dead!</p><p>The thought made his stomach churn. He knew this part was inevitable after that much whiskey, but he still dreaded it. As he lurched upright and opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was a bucket beside the couch. Arrow truly was a guardian angel of the highest order. But Mika didn't have time to hold onto that comforting thought because he then became violently sick into the bucket for what felt like an hour and he'd never wanted to die as much as he did in that moment. The sudden noise and motion alerted Arrow to the fact that Mika had awoken, and Arrow quickly dashed back over to the couch to sit beside him and gently stroke his back until it was over.</p><p>"Oh gods... fuck..." Mika gasped, sagging heavily back against the couch when he could finally breathe again. "I'm sorry, Arrow, I'm so sorry."</p><p>"It's okay. Don't apologize." Arrow murmured. "Do you remember anything?"</p><p>Mika registered a stinging ache in his hands and arms and with dismay he vaguely remembered punching his mirror to pieces just to watch it shatter. And when that hadn't been enough, he'd turned his rage on his beloved coffin and tore that to pieces with his bare hands. The memories that coffin held were too much. So excruciating the only way to get rid of them had to be to just destroy the coffin. Didn't work. And because there wasn't enough sharp things on the floor after that, he'd smashed the bottle of whiskey too. The last thing he remembered the way Arrow's voice broke as he walked in and found his best friend on the floor in a bloody heap of destruction. Everything else was a black hole.</p><p>"I remember getting drunk in the Hall... Paris kept giving me dirty looks. Then I went back to my room to sleep. And I looked in the mirror and I thought I saw him."</p><p>"That explains why you ran your fist through it." Arrow sighed.</p><p>"And then I smashed the coffin... I remember being on the floor...then you coming in. That's all."</p><p>"I spent an hour picking broken glass out of your skin. You scared the fuck out of me." Said Arrow bluntly. "You were... how I was. After Sarah."</p><p>Mika winced and closed his eyes. He remembered those days all too well.</p><p>"I know it's not the same as Sarah... but it feels like he died." Mika responded hollowly. "And I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about that now."</p><p>"You don't have closure this way." Arrow explained gently. "He may be dead to us for all intents and purposes... but the truth is, as long as he's alive, it's going to hurt you."</p><p>"I knew that when I made my decision." Mika replied decisively. "No amount of pain is worth being the one to take him away from Gracie."</p><p>Arrow heaved a deep sigh.</p><p>"Remember when you used to sit with me for hours when I was in a bad place, and you kept telling me over and over that someday I'd be okay again?" He said instead.</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>"I didn't believe you at the time. And I know you don't believe me now, but I promise someday this will all just be a bad memory. I was never the same after Sarah, and you won't be the same after this. But eventually you'll start to feel normal again. It'll just be a new normal... I don't know how to explain it, but you'll see. Someday." Said Arrow encouragingly.</p><p>Arrow was right; Mika didn't believe a word of it. But he leaned his head against Arrow's shoulder and closed his eyes.</p><p>A while later, there came a soft knock at the door.</p><p>"Come in." Said Arrow.</p><p>Paris strode into the room and even though his vision was still slightly blurry, Mika could see the tears spring into the old man's eyes when he saw the state his old apprentice was in. Paris swiftly sat down on the couch beside Mika, looking at him with profound concern. Mika tried to meet his gaze, tried to put up a strong front for his mentor but honestly he just wanted to lie back down and go to sleep again.</p><p>"How are you holding up?" Paris asked wearily.</p><p>"Bad." Mika replied bluntly after a moment.</p><p>"Thank you for being honest with me." Said Paris with a weak chuckle. Mika raised his eyebrows slightly.</p><p>"You're welcome. My pleasure." He grunted.</p><p>"Did you sleep?" Paris asked, addressing Arrow.</p><p>"Got a few hours, yeah. I'm ready to head back to the Hall." Said Arrow.</p><p>"Good. Darren and Larten are there now. I sent them both away to get some sleep late last night, they just got back a minute ago. That's when I came up here." Paris explained.</p><p>"I'll go sit with the kid." Said Arrow with a faint smile. "Guess it's his first real day on duty. I'll fill him in on the official job description and see if he still wants the position after that."</p><p>Paris chuckled.</p><p>"Go easy on him. But not too easy... he's a resilient young man. The next few nights will test him, but I believe he will rise to the challenge magnificently."</p><p>"Don't let him sit in my throne." Said Mika abruptly.</p><p>"Ah, good. There's still some Mika attitude in there." Said Arrow gently, squeezing his friend's shoulder as he stood up to leave.</p><p>"Thanks, A. For everything." Mika mumbled drowsily. He shifted from sitting to laying now that Arrow had vacated the couch.</p><p>"Got your back, always. I'll see you later."</p><p>Arrow left the room. Paris remained seated on the couch. It was just long enough for him to sit on one end while Mika lay beside him.</p><p>The ancient Prince let out a long, weary sigh and cautiously laid his palm on his younger colleague's forehead, softly stroking it with his thumb. Mika drew breath to ask Paris to leave him in peace but his old mentor's warm hand felt soothing against his clammy skin so he kept quiet and allowed himself to be comforted.</p><p>"Mika..." Paris murmured after a few minutes of silence.</p><p>"No..." Mika mumbled. "Can't talk about it anymore. Not today."</p><p>"Shhh. I just wanted to tell you that I am so incredibly proud of how you remained strong for the clan, ever since the moment Darren reappeared and changed everything. It was cruel that you had no choice but to put aside your own feelings while the situation was handled, but it is the reality of our roles. I know you've always understood that, but never before have you been tested so harshly. You have always been a rock to the clan, Mika. Even as the world was crumbling around you. You've been so brave... and I love you so very much. Take a couple days off to recover. Arrow and I will support you however you need us to."</p><p>Mika did not reply, but Paris watched as he reached up to wipe away a tear that was escaping from his closed eyelids as he lay there.</p><p>"I'd rather not leave you here alone, but I no longer feel you're a hazard to yourself. So if you want me to go, I will respect that." Paris added.</p><p>"I don't mind if you sit here for a while." Said Mika after a moment, so quietly it was barely even a whisper. Paris sighed in relief.</p><p>"Good. I'd still feel better knowing you aren't alone." Said Paris. He stood up, but only to drag Arrow's small storage chest closer to the couch so that he could use it as a foot rest.</p><p>"You're not the only one who's tired." Paris explained with a wayward smile. He exhaled contentedly as he sat back down and propped his feet upon the chest as he leaned back into the soft couch cushions. He crossed his arms over his chest but that wasn't quite comfortable. So instead he rested his right arm on the armrest, and the left arm on Mika's shoulder which happened to be at just the right height. He expected his old apprentice to growl or grumble at the physical contact but if anything he seemed to relax. Paris found this reassuring, he'd half-expected Mika to have stormed back to his demolished cell with another bottle of liquor and lock himself in by now. And seeing as grief came in waves, perhaps that would still happen yet. But for now, he was asleep, sober (albeit hungover), and safe. And Paris was happy for those small victories, so he fell asleep there too.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Would you believe me in the car</em>
  </strong><br/>
<strong>
    <em>What if I never dropped you home?</em>
  </strong><br/>
<strong>
    <em>What if we drove until the morning?</em>
  </strong><br/>
<strong>
    <em>You said you never loved before him</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>***</p><p>When Mika woke up again, the physical pain was considerably less than before and for that he was grateful. But he also felt a foggy sense of disorientation as if he'd just come out of a coma. He slowly raised his head and looked around the room blearily. He could see Arrow sitting at his desk.</p><p>"How long did I sleep?" Mika asked abruptly. Arrow jolted in surprise at the sudden sound of his voice but smiled kindly as he turned to face Mika.</p><p>"Hey. Welcome back." Said Arrow gently. "You've been asleep all day. Actually, I was about to wake you up. How are you feeling now?"</p><p>"Sober and sore." Said Mika disdainfully.</p><p>"Well, you did fight an army of vampaneze, a raging Larten Crepsley, a bottle of whiskey, and half your furniture all in a very short period of time. But I'm not worried about your body, Mika. Injuries heal."</p><p>"Okay then. I'm sad. Is that what you want to hear?"</p><p>"That's a place to start, I guess."</p><p>"What more do you want from me?" Mika growled.</p><p>Arrow sighed.</p><p>"The last thing I want to twist the knife here, Mika. I know you're not okay. I wouldn't expect you to be, it's barely been 24 hours. But last night you said something, and I keep thinking about it."</p><p>"And what was that?"</p><p>"You said you were done. That you wanted to quit... not be a Prince anymore." Said Arrow quietly. "That's what scared me the most."</p><p>Mika didn't speak for a long time. He looked down at the floor, then at the wall, then down at his hands.</p><p>"I was really drunk, Arrow."</p><p>"I've seen you really drunk a thousand times. You've never said anything like that. And even when you're drunk, you don't say things unless you mean them."</p><p>"Yeah well, I've never had my entire life collapse into a raging trash fire over the course of 3 days before."</p><p>"But you wouldn't actually step away... right?" Arrow pressed, his voice undercut with urgency.</p><p>Mika exhaled slowly and finally looked Arrow dead in the eye with a weary resolve.</p><p>"Put it this way. I know better than to make a decision like that at a time like this... but at this present moment, I don't care if I ever walk back into that room."</p><p>"You're in shock. Give it time." Said Arrow decisively.</p><p>"Don't look so horrified. You're the one who asked." Mika replied with a dispassionate scowl.</p><p>"You were supposed to tell me you didn't really mean it. That it was just the trauma talking." Arrow replied, frowning.</p><p>"Oh. Sorry. I didn't really mean it. I was just playing a joke on you. Better?"</p><p>"Too late now. I know you're lying."</p><p>"Fuck, Arrow... don't you have bigger things to worry about right now than me? I appreciate it, but between you and Paris I feel like I'm on suicide watch."</p><p>A shadow flashed across Arrow's face.</p><p>"Don't joke about that." Arrow snapped.</p><p>"I wasn't joking at all. But I apologize."</p><p>"Mika, when I was struggling all those years ago, you dropped everything to sit beside me, every single time I needed you. Even when I didn't want you there, which was most times. You pulled me through hell single-handedly, til we made it to the other side. Your hell may not look like mine did, but if you think for a minute I'm going to stop worrying about you... you're not the smart one after all."</p><p>The corners of Mika's mouth twitched. It wasn't even close to a smile, but it was progress.</p><p>"You don't always have to be strong for everyone. You're allowed to fall apart, gods know you've earned that right a thousand times over." Arrow continued doggedly, eyes gleaming with emotion. "You can doubt yourself, and you can hate yourself, hate Kurda, hate the clan, hate the vampaneze... feel whatever you need to feel. But you are not allowed to give up on yourself, or on us. That's not who you are. You're a fucking force of nature, Mika. You always have been, and you will be again. Even I have to carry you across the finish line kicking and screaming, we are going to get the clan through this."</p><p>Mika held Arrow's gaze, his face impassive but his eyes softened slightly.</p><p>"I see." He told Arrow defeatedly.</p><p>"Damn right you do." Said Arrow with finality. Now, when was the last time you ate?"</p><p>"Don't know." Mika admitted. And it was true. The last few days had been so much, his mind hadn't had time to register hunger and it just hadn't occurred to him to take care of himself.</p><p>"You up for a walk to the Hall of Khledon Lurt?" Arrow asked. Mika suddenly looked defeated and he leaned back into the couch.</p><p>"I don't want to see people... they'll ask me things. They'll want to know how I'm doing. Can't deal with that now."</p><p>"Yes, people are inconsiderate jerks." Said Arrow sardonically, but then he softened. "It's okay. Eventually I'm going to shove you off this couch to face the world again, but not yet. Stay here, I'll grab you something."</p><p>Mika sighed mournfully but looked more relaxed.</p><p>"I don't deserve you, A. But you don't have to take care of me. I'll be fine."</p><p>Arrow frowned back at him as he slowly stood up to leave.</p><p>"Fuck that. You've been my other half since we were cubs, Mika. Nothing in this world can touch that. No clan drama, no significant other, no war, not Desmond Fucking Tiny himself. I know you feel like you're losing everything. But you're stuck with me. Not up for debate."</p><p>It wasn't easy, in fact it was almost physically painful but Mika managed to force a small smile for Arrow at those words. It was worth the effort because the look of relief on Arrow's face was luminous. But once Arrow finally left the room, the smile vanished like a snowflake in a fire, and Mika broke down once more.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Holding, waiting for something</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>That'll keep you from the cold</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>It feels like winter follows you around</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>Holding, waiting for something</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>That'll keep you from the cold</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>You know me so you know I'm feeling lonely now</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>Lonely right down in my heart</strong>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm sorry guys that was literally the grimmest chapter I've written in my life, bar none. Every single vampire in this mountain needs a therapist tbh. I had a moment where I wondered if I maybe made Mika a little too dramatic buuut then I read back over the events leading up to this and was like... nah my boy is 110% justified. We've seen Kurda lose his shit a couple times and Mika had come very close, but he's kept it together til literally just now and honestly I've put this man through way too much. I just wanna drive him to McDonalds and buy him a dozen happy meals and tell him how sorry I am.</p><p>Don't worry, Kurda will absolutely be back. He's just not DOING anything right now other than wandering in the woods, but rest assured we'll check back in with him very soon. Also Larten and Darren will have a larger role in this one so that's fun!</p><p>Thanks for reading! Please leave some feedback if you have time - I crave validation.</p><p>- Roxy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Your Hero Fell</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Take a good look at my life and try to understand I've done my best<br/>The best I know how to, and my blues aren't your blues<br/>It's up to you</p><p>***</p><p>One thing parenting books never teach you is how to tell your child that her other dad is a war criminal now. </p><p>Before he can start dealing with the fallout of Kurda's betrayal, Mika has to have the toughest conversation of all.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Oooofff guys I really made you wait for this one!! I mean at least I didn't take 7 years but still. This was another tricky chapter to write and I'm glad to be done with it! I will ease up on the angst for a bit after this, seriously. </p><p>This chapter is Gracie-centric but we will be catching up with Larten, Darren, and the others very soon. Enjoy!</p><p>Chapter 2: Your Hero Fell</p><p>Song: Young Man by The Chicks</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>I had no words for you that Saturday</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>As we both watched our entire worlds change</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Your hero fell just as you came of age</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>And I had no words but now I know what to say</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>THREE MONTHS AGO:</strong>
</p><p>Walking into the Hall of Khledon Lurt on the first night of summer break never got old. The flickering torchlight, the warm smells coming from the kitchen, and the rows of familiar faces waving at Gracie and calling her name as she walked in.</p><p>At the ripe old age of 15, she'd fully come to terms with her strange upbringing. She'd memorized all the little white lies she told when her well-meaning fellow humans asked her questions about her life outside of school. She kept things as honest as she could though; all of her friends knew she was raised in a big old stone house deep in a forest, with two dads who loved her very much and had high-ranking government jobs which she legally wasn't allowed to talk about. A nice thing about boarding school was that there'd usually be someone else in the class who'd earnestly say 'yeah, mine too!' And she'd smile and nod, while knowing they had absolutely no idea just how unconventional her family was.</p><p>Sometimes she wished she had a more normal home life when she heard stories her friends told about growing up in the suburbs, going to the mall with their friends, walking to the park, road trips with siblings, all that. But then she'd come home to Vampire Mountain and start feeling sorry for all the other kids - unlike her, they'd never know the most incredible secret in the world.</p><p>Council was still two months away, but the mountain was already fuller than it usually was. Gracie, Mika, and Kurda has just completed the return trip from the school and all three were hungry. Mika was particularly tired from the long flit - carrying her had been a lot easier when she was a small child. But it was the only way to and from the mountain. Walking would've taken weeks and the conditions could be deadly for a human.</p><p>Gracie didn't even recognize half the vampires who smiled and waved at her as she made her way through the hall, but she waved back anyway. She was aware she was a bit of a celebrity within the clan but she took it all in stride. Being the daughter of a Prince - soon to be two Princes - had that effect.</p><p>"Is Aunt Arra here yet?" Grace asked hopefully as she nibbled her way through a plate of spare ribs.</p><p>"Not yet. Should be here in a couple weeks though." Mika replied.</p><p>"Aren't we fun enough for you?" Kurda chuckled.</p><p>"Sure. But she's better on the bars than you." Grace smirked.</p><p>"Well, that's true." Said Mika with a smile. "She's the best. You picked a great teacher. I can't wait to see how it goes."</p><p>Kurda's eyebrows arched ever so slightly.</p><p>"Are you sure that's how you want to spend your summer, Gracie?" He inquired in a tone of feigned casualness. "It's so easy to break a bone or get a concussion on the bars."</p><p>She felt her temper flare up just a tiny bit, but Mika told Kurda off - albeit very gently - before she could talk back.</p><p>"Kurda, she's been home for literally ten minutes. My gods. Let her live."</p><p>Kurda's eyes narrowed and for a moment it looked like he was about to come back with something even snippier, but he held his tongue.</p><p>"What do you want me to do, then?" Gracie replied with a crisp smile. "You won't let me learn swords or spears. I already know everything these is to know about unarmed self-defence, so that leaves bars and weapons."</p><p>"You're not a vampire, Gracie! You're under no obligation to learn any of this."</p><p>Mika rolled his eyes dramatically.</p><p>"She knows! She knows how it works!" He sighed in exasperation. "Can you not just be proud that she wants to develop a new skill?"</p><p>"Of course I'm proud, Mika. Don't you dare imply otherwise." Kurda growled reproachfully. "Sorry, Grace. I didn't mean to put a damper on your first night back. Practice on the bars if you must... But for the love of the gods, just be careful."</p><p>"Arra knows the bar rules." Said Mika calmly. "No more than ten feet above floor level, no weighted staffs, and nothing reckless."</p><p>"You forgot the most important rule." Kurda grunted.</p><p>"I will remind Arra she's working with a human. Not a vampire, not a half-vampire. A human. She will adjust her expectations accordingly." Mika affirmed placatingly.</p><p>"Can you train with me til Arra gets here so I can practice?" Grace asked Mika eagerly. "You're good on the bars, right?"</p><p>"You're right, I am good." Mika shrugged with a grin. "Just good though. Arra's great. She's been running circles around me on the bars since we were young."</p><p>"Of all the basic skills, he scored lowest on the bars." Kurda added.</p><p>"Still higher than you, though." Mika replied drily.</p><p>"Can we go down to the bars tonight?" Grace pressed.</p><p>"I'll go down with you." Said Mika gently. "We can work on a few basic things but we'll stay on the floor for tonight. That was a long flit and I'm a little sore."</p><p>"That's what happens when you get old." Kurda remarked.</p><p>"Next time you can carry the kid and I'll carry the luggage." Mika snorted. "Let's see how that goes."</p><p>"Although if you pack any more stuff, your bag will outweigh you." Said Kurda with a wayward grin at his daughter. "Even just three separate outfits would be more than most vampires here have."</p><p>"Neither of you would have to carry me or my bags if I could just flit myself bacj and forth." Gracie commented. She did so in a casual manner, so she was not expecting both her dads to freeze and shoot a lightning-quick uncomfortable glance at each other. "Or not." She added, raising one eyebrow.</p><p>"Trust me, being able to run really fast isn't worth the hassle." Kurda replied with a very forced smile. "No more sun, you'd have to drink blood... it's not all it's cracked up to be."</p><p>"But on the other hand I'd live for centuries." Grace added cautiously. "You know... if I became a vampire too. Just saying."</p><p>"That's not up for discussion." Said Kurda abruptly. There was a strange edge to his voice, one Gracie had never heard before. Almost panic. Of course she hadn't expected them to say "Sure, honey. Let's get you blooded". She wasn't even sure if that was what she wanted. But it had crossed her mind more than once the past several years. Although she was alarmed by how quickly Kurda tensed up at the mere suggestion. She looked to Mika instead, trying to read his face. He looked visibly concerned, but less agitated than Kurda. The two vampires glanced at each other for a moment, faces impassive. She wondered if they were speaking telepathically. That was probably the vampiric power she envied most. After a moment, Mika refocused his attention back on her.</p><p>"You're still a minor. We don't blood children, Gracie." Said Mika firmly, albeit much more calmly than Kurda. "And there's a lot of good reasons for that. I can explain it all to you if you want. But if joining the clan is something you think you might want, let me be perfectly clear. It's absolutely not up for consideration until you're an adult."</p><p>She looked back at him curiously for several moments, nodding slowly.</p><p>"So you'll blood me when I'm an adult?" She asked at last.</p><p>"No." Kurda snapped immediately. Gracie frowned. Mika gave Kurda a look of weary exasperation before turning back to look at her again with a forced smile.</p><p>"What he means is... not necessarily, and not right away." Mika sighed. "It's a massive, life-changing decision. No matter how smart and mature you are right now, your brain is still developing and we wouldn't allow you to to do anything like that until we knew for sure you understood all of the consequences."</p><p>"What parenting book did you regurgitate that from?" Kurda snarled at Mika, seeming to forget Gracie was even there. "She's talking about joining the legions of the undead, not taking out a student loan."</p><p>"I'm saying we're NOT talking about joining the legions of the undead right now. I'm not disagreeing with you, Kurda. So don't act like I'm the enemy here." Said Mika coolly. "We'll talk about it when she's old enough to understand what she's getting into. That's the only point I'm making here."</p><p>Mika was trying his best to keep his tone light but his frustration with Kurda was visible. Gracie knew her unlikely duo of dads disagreed on plenty of things, but usually not things that involved her. This was strange, and she didn't like it.</p><p>"She's not getting into anything! We're not talking about it at all. Now or ever." Kurda snapped through gritted teeth.</p><p>Mika rolled his eyes and Gracie drew breath to yell, "I'm right here!" But before either of them could utter a reply to Kurda's declaration, Paris and Seba came strolling over to join them for supper. They showered Gracie with hugs and kisses and questions about school. She happily greeted her pair of beloved grandfathers, and decided to let the issue rest since it seemed to bother her dads so much. For now, anyway.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>You're of me, not mine</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Walk your own crooked line</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>I promise you'll be fine</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Take the best parts of him</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>As your own life begins</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Leave the bad news behind you</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>PRESENT DAY:</strong>
</p><p>Mika Ver Leth:</p><p>Chosen apprentice to the legendary Paris Skyle.</p><p>Howling Contest Winner of Festival 1860.</p><p>Current record holder for fastest trip through the Path Of Needles.</p><p>Vampire General.</p><p>Highest swordsmanship marks of any General OR Prince in the last 500 years.</p><p>The clan's best negotiator, bar none.</p><p>Indomitable warrior.</p><p>Master strategist.</p><p>Sass King.</p><p>Second youngest Vampire Prince in history (thanks a lot, Darren).</p><p>And the newest addition to the resume:</p><p>Single dad.</p><p>Mika sighed heavily - not for the first time in recent history, not by a long shot - as he crumpled and discarded the sixth rough draft of how he was going to start explaining this to Gracie.</p><p>48 hours had elapsed since Kurda's exile had taken effect. 36 hours since Mika fell to the paralyzing breakdown that had been at least several years overdue. In those 36 hours he hadn't set foot out of Arrow's cell and didn't plan to do so anytime soon. The couch was more than comfortable enough to sleep on, there was an en-suite bathroom, and Paris and Arrow had been taking turns bringing him meals so as long as they continued to do that, he could theoretically live out the rest of his days here. Not to mention the desk drawers were full of snacks. More often than not he had the place to himself since Arrow was extra busy. Although he was only extra busy due to the fact that Mika was locked away in this room, not being particularly useful to anyone.</p><p>There were two pretty major reasons Mika hadn't set foot in his own cell since that night. First reason: he'd trashed the place so thoroughly it would need a deep cleaning before it could be inhabitable again. Not to mention he no longer had a coffin to sleep in, he'd smashed his to pieces in an attempt to dispel the memories of Kurda it held. That brings us to the second reason: the memories. They haunted every corner of this mountain, but nowhere more than his cell. Even two days later there was still a dull ache in his head from the truly unprecedented amount of crying that had taken place. Or maybe it was from Larten punching him. Or maybe he was still hungover.</p><p>"You get a week." Arrow had told him. "One week to lock yourself in here and scream, cry, drink, lay on the floor, whatever you need to do - as long as you don't break any of my stuff. After that, it's back to work. I'll still help you however you want me to, but you can't hide in here forever."</p><p>As unappealing as facing the world sounded, the fact remained that the hardest part was yet to come. Mika still had to break the news to Gracie.</p><p>How do you explain this to a fifteen year old? The pile of drafts was increasing by the hour and Mika still didn't have an answer to that question. He was resting his head defeatedly on the desk when Arrow came in.</p><p>"How's it going in here?" Arrow asked cautiously.</p><p>"How does it look like it's going?" Mika sighed.</p><p>"Bad." Said Arrow.</p><p>"Always so astute." Said Mika with a grimace.</p><p>"Are these all what I think they are?" Said Arrow with dismay, picking up a crumpled sheet and reading it. "Mika, you can get up in front of a thousand vampires and pull a speech out of your ass that would put any human world leader to shame. This is just you and your daughter... you don't need an entire thesis."</p><p>"You don't even know what a thesis is, Arrow." Mika snapped, abruptly turning around to glare at his friend. Arrow's eyes narrowed but he didn't retort.</p><p>"When are you going to the school?" Arrow asked calmly, sitting down on the couch. Mika didn't turn around.</p><p>"I don't know."</p><p>"You should go tomorrow. Get it over with." Said Arrow gently.</p><p>"Every minute I sit here... is another minute where she still knows peace. Where she still has a happy family. Where her dad didn't turn his back on everyone he ever loved."</p><p>"I'm not going to lie to you and tell you you're worrying too much, or that she'll handle it well." Said Arrow. "It's going to hurt. But Mika, believe me when I tell you she's going to be fine. Maybe not soon, but someday. Because she still has you."</p><p>"I don't know how to help her though this, Arrow. I can't even help myself!" Mika replied tensely. "Where do I even begin? Not to mention we're going to war on top of all of that. Her childhood's about to end. She's never going to see the world the same way again."</p><p>"You'll manage." Said Arrow steadily. "You've always had a connection with her. I constantly forget you don't actually share DNA. I can't explain it, but when I see you together I can just tell that you get her. And I think she gets you too."</p><p>Mika felt his heart lurch, but for the first time in weeks it wasn't in a painful way. He knew Arrow was right. He'd always had a powerful bond with Gracie, they simply clicked. Of course her relationship with Kurda was just as solid, but when she reached her teenage years she tended to argue with Kurda much more frequently. A fact that frustrated Kurda to no end; he'd always considered himself to be overall a much more amicable person than Mika. Mika couldn't really explain it, he just knew her mind seemed to work largely the same way as his did. He was firm but kind, protective but not overly so. And always honest. Sometimes so honest it earned him a scolding from Kurda.</p><p>"I just really, really don't want to do this." Mika whispered, staring down at the black piece of paper in front of him.</p><p>"When's the last time you got what you wanted?" Arrow asked sadly.</p><p>Mika knew it was rhetorical but he answered anyway. He thought back to the day that was supposed to be his wedding to Arra. The months of planning that went into it. How at the last minute he realized he'd seriously miscalculated, and he found himself in Kurda's cell. How after months of confusion and misplaced frustration, Mika and Kurda had finally stumbled into his coffin together, slept tangled in each others' arms. And when they woke up they proceeded to spend the entire day in the coffin together. Laughing, talking, catching up, apologizing, and getting laid. How that lazy, hungover day was the happiest either of them had ever been... ever.</p><p>"About five years ago." Said Mika.</p><p>"Sorry." Arrow sighed. "I shouldn't have asked. How are you feeling? You look better today. Like you're not about to drop dead."</p><p>"Yeah well, mentally I'm still sitting on the floor in my cell, exactly where you found me." Mika replied bluntly. He no longer had the energy to mask his emotions.</p><p>"Fair enough." Said Arrow offhandedly, but then his eyes softened. "We miss you in the Hall of Princes, by the way. It's not the same."</p><p>"Not the same?" Mika replied quietly. "Imagine that..."</p><p>"I meant because you're not there." Said Arrow, frowning.</p><p>"I know. Sorry." Said Mika.</p><p>"Have you eaten yet today?" Arrow asked.</p><p>"No."</p><p>"Well, you get points for honesty. Why don't you come down to the Hall of Khledon Lurt with me? It'll be empty at this hour." Arrow suggested hopefully.</p><p>"You don't know that." Mika grunted.</p><p>Arrow sighed and squeezed Mika's shoulder tightly.</p><p>"Okay." He said softly. "I'm going to go eat... I told Vanez I'd meet him for supper. He's still getting used to finding his way around."</p><p>"How's he doing?" Mika inquired, feeling a pang of guilt that he hadn't asked before now. He'd known Vanez almost as long as Arrow.</p><p>"I think he's having a hard time but I haven't heard him complain once. He's taking it a lot better than I would." Said Arrow with a faint smile. "It's only been a few days and he says his other senses are already getting stronger. Once he adjusts he'll be as unstoppable as ever."</p><p>"Good." Said Mika distractedly. "That's good."</p><p>"Yeah... I'll see you in an hour, then." Said Arrow before the heading for the door. But he paused. "Mika, I know it's still fresh but let me tell you from personal experience... the longer you stay away, the harder it is to come back."</p><p>Mika whipped around much more sharply than Arrow had anticipated.</p><p>"That's a bit of a detour from the 'don't worry, take all the time you need' lines you were feeding me yesterday." He snapped.</p><p>"No, I stand by all of that." Arrow replied firmly. "I'm not going to drag you back before you're ready. Believe me, I know it takes time. But when I lost Sarah, I just... gave into the dark. I didn't even try to fight back. And you know exactly how that went for me. I wandered out there for over five years and every single day the loss still felt as fresh as the day before. I didn't start healing until I came home."</p><p>"It's not the same situation, A."</p><p>"I know it's not. But loss is loss, and pain is pain." Said Arrow gently. "Just promise you won't end up like me. You've always been stubborn. Don't let this be the first time in your life you stop fighting back."</p><p>Mika exhaled slowly and turned back away from Arrow to lean heavily on the desk.</p><p>"I'm fucking trying, Arrow."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Take a good look at my life and</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Try to understand I've done my best</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>The best I know how to</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>And my blues aren't your blues</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>It's up to you</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>When Gracie was called to Headmaster Redford's office and saw Mika sitting there looking like he'd aged a hundred years in the month since she'd seen him, she assumed someone had died. That could be the only explanation.</p><p>Redford and Mika exchanged a solemn look as she stepped into the room. Redford was a half-vampire who'd defected from the clan but kept on good terms; he was the reason Mika and Kurda had chosen this school for her years ago. The headmaster left the room quietly and shut the door behind him.</p><p>"Hey, Gracie." Said Mika. His voice was rough and hoarse and his face had a haunted, almost shellshocked look about it. He pulled her into a tight hug as soon he saw her.</p><p>"What are you doing here? Is everything okay?" She asked, already knowing it wasn't.</p><p>Mika blinked a few times and tiredly ran his hand through his hair as he sat back down. For a few seconds he seemed to stare past her at the wall before he could meet her eyes. He looked like a ghost of his normal self.</p><p>"Dad? What happened?" She pressed, feeling cold dread settle into her very soul. But yet it was so much worse than she could have prepared herself for. Mika took a few deep, shaky breaths.</p><p>"Your dad... Kurda did something bad, Gracie." He finally croaked out, seeming to struggle with every word. "Really, really bad."</p><p>The vampire gods had clearly taken some small amount of pity on Mika because they allowed him to get through the full story without breaking down. Watching his daughter's face fall further and further as tears began to stream from her eyes was the most excruciating thing Mika had endured in his entire life - including Kurda's trial. They sat together in that room for hours. Mika explained everything slowly and honestly. Starting with Kurda's secret dealings with the vampaneze and concluding with his exile sentence. Paused to answer her many questions throughout. Described how the investiture was interrupted, the battle that followed, the trial, and finally the conditions of the exile.</p><p>"I don't understand how he could do all of that. You must have misunderstood! He'd never hurt anyone!" She choked out when it was all over.</p><p>"I don't fully understand it either." Mika replied. "I wish I knew what to tell you... but I'm just as hurt and confused as you are. I keep thinking I'll wake up and it'll have just been a nightmare. But I do know that he legitimately felt like he didn't have a choice. He lied about a lot of things but I know he was being honest about that. He was desperate. He thought he was doing the right thing."</p><p>"I fought with him so many times this summer..." she said slowly, her voice trembling.</p><p>"I know you did. I had a difficult few months with him leading up to all of this too." Said Mika sadly. "He was scared, Gracie. He was carrying this secret for years... But I know he loves you more than anything in the world. That will never change."</p><p>"Do you hate him for what he did?" She asked.</p><p>"I feel like I should, but I don't." Mika replied truthfully.</p><p>"Does he still love you?"</p><p>"I don't know. Maybe." Said Mika, remembering the way Kurda seemed to stare directly into his soul the moment before they parted ways for the last time.</p><p>"Do you still love him?"</p><p>"...Yes."</p><p>"Am I ever going to see him again?"</p><p>"Only if you want to." Said Mika firmly. "If you want a relationship with him after this, than can exist separately from everything else. It's completely your choice and I'll support you no matter what. I know it's complicated."</p><p>Suddenly she looked panicked.</p><p>"Do I have to decide right now?"</p><p>"No, no. Definitely not." Mika assured her quickly. "You can think about it as long as you want. If you ever wanted to contact him, I'd use the Stone to find him. Like I said, the terms of his exile were not to initiate contact with you without your permission. So if you don't want to hear from him again, you don't have to."</p><p>She stayed quiet for a long time. Her eyes were red and swollen and her face was still stained with tears of shock and grief. Mika gently reached out and held her hand.</p><p>"I don't know what to do." She whimpered eventually. "What do you think I should do?"</p><p>Mika sighed wearily.</p><p>"It's not my decision, Gracie."</p><p>"Pretend it was."</p><p>Mika closed his eyes for a moment.</p><p>"I hope he can be a part of your life again someday." He eventually answered, his voice starting to crack. "It's too far gone me. But you can form your own opinion of him now that you have all the facts. And if there's still hope that you can ever consider him family again, then I want that for you."</p><p>She nodded slowly, looking deep in thought. Then she reached over to pull a Kleenex from the box on the desk and carefully dabbed at her eyes.</p><p>"But with that said, I think you should give it a few years to settle before opening that door." Mika added. "Come to terms with it at your own pace. It won't happen overnight. And I know you don't feel like it, but you're still a child, Gracie. Figure out who you are, then decide who you want Kurda to be to you. And know you'll always have me. I'm on your side forever."</p><p>Mika didn't realize there were tears streaming from his own eyes until she gently pushed the Kleenex box towards him.</p><p>"Fuck, sorry." He muttered, quickly grabbing one and wiping his eyes as quickly as he could. She frowned.</p><p>"You're not the one who should be sorry." Said Gracie reproachfully as she watched him pull himself back together.</p><p>"I know." Said Mika dejectedly. "But I still am."</p><p>"Are you okay?" She asked gingerly.</p><p>"Gracie, I'm here for you. Don't worry about me." Mika replied firmly.</p><p>Her frown changed sharply to a glare and just for a moment, Mika saw a spark in her eyes.</p><p>"Don't tell me what to do." She snapped back. "I'll worry about you if I want to. Kurda had all these secrets, I don't need you hiding things from me too."</p><p>"Wow." Said Mika quietly, with a ghost of a smile at her tenacious attitude. "You're my kid, alright. To answer your question... I'm taking it a day at a time. It's still fresh and I don't know if it's completely sunk in yet. The first night I was... very much not okay. But your Uncle Arrow got me through it." Mika explained calmly. Gracie didn't need the gritty details of that night, but if he expected her to be honest with him about her own feelings, he had to give her the same courtesy.</p><p>"And I wasn't okay yesterday when I was trying to figure out how I was going to tell you all of this. But now you know everything I know. And we can start moving forward until we're both okay again." He added.</p><p>She was nodding contemplatively again. Her eyes had dried but they were still so red. She was trying so hard to be strong and it broke Mika's heart all over again. He knew all too well what that felt like.</p><p>"So what now?" She asked, with a hitch in her voice. "Where do we go from here?"</p><p>Mika exhaled deeply.</p><p>"Well... I have to go back to Vampire Mountain and deal with the fallout of all this. The clan is going to war. There's a lot going on."</p><p>"And what about me?" She added, looking apprehensive.</p><p>"As much as I hate the idea of leaving you here to deal with all of this... school is the best place for you right now." Said Mika regretfully. "You can call me on the old phone whenever you want. No matter what I'm doing, I'll drop everything and talk to you about whatever you want to talk about. And if you need me here, I'll flit to you as soon as I can."</p><p>She still looked uncertain.</p><p>"But if you really want, I'll bring you home. You can stay in the mountain and worry about school when you're feeling better." He added, his voice breaking again. "But trust me, Gracie. If you stay here you'll have friends, sports, all that stuff you love. You need distractions... believe me when I tell you, I'd give anything for that. If you come back to Vampire Mountain now, you'll only be reminded of it, every second of every day. It'll drive you insane."</p><p>"I'll stay." She whispered at last. Mika breathed a sigh of relief. He knew Vampire Mountain wasn't the place for her right now but the thought of forcing her to stay here against her will, after the revelation he'd just dumped on her, was more than he could handle.</p><p>"I'm so proud of you." Mika told her, knowing there were tears forming in his eyes again. "No one deserves this. Especially a kid. You shouldn't have to be this strong, but you are. And I love you so fucking much."</p><p>When Gracie broke down again, Mika no longer had the energy to keep himself from doing the same so he just held her as tightly as he could. Until the last angry, bitter tears had fallen and all there was left for either of them to do was learn to exist in a world without Kurda Smahlt.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>After this storm there's nothing you can't navigate</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Point to the truth, you'll see it's the only way</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>You're of me, not mine</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Perfect in my eyes</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>You're gonna be alright</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Take the best parts of him</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>As your own life begins</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Leave the bad news behind</strong>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Honestly Mika's greatest flex at this point is he inadvertently became a shockingly good parent given the circumstances.</p><p>Also this chapter was really short I'm sorry. I had severe writer's block this week but I'm trying to get past it. As always, I have a lot of future segments written but I'm still working out what comes after this.</p><p>Please leave a comment, it'd make me happy. Thanks for reading. Cheers!</p><p>- Roxy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. It's Hard To Be Anywhere These Days</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>And it's hard to be at a party, When I feel like an open wound<br/>It's hard to be anywhere these days, When all I want is you<br/>You're a flashback in a film reel, On the one screen in my town</p><p>***</p><p>One week Post-Kurdapocalypse. Time for Mika to get back to work. But he's not the only one adjusting to a new normal. </p><p>You lost the love of your life? Boo-fucking-hoo. I lost my last EYE. - Vanez at some point, probably. </p><p>(Yes, this is a Vanez chapter)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here is chapter 3! I am... actually pleased with how this one turned out! The start is a little angsty but I'm giving your emotions a break guys I swear.</p><p>Also I am featuring a Grey's Anatomy quote that's stuck with me for years. It popped into my mind as I was writing Mika adjusting to his new normal. If you've ever followed Grey's, you'll have no trouble drawing the parallels to Mika's life. </p><p>Chapter 3: It's Hard To Be Anywhere These Days</p><p>Song: This Is Me Trying by Taylor Swift</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"For most people, a hospital is a scary place. A hostile place. A place where bad things happen. Most people would prefer church, or school, or home. But I... grew up here. While my mom was on rounds, I learned to read in the O.R. gallery. I played in the morgue. I colored with crayons on old E.R. charts. The hospital was my church... my school... my home. The hospital was my safe place... My sanctuary. I love it here.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>... Correction: loved it here."</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <strong> <em>- Dr. Meredith Grey</em> </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em>Grey's Anatomy - Season 6, Episode 23 - "Sanctuary"</em> </strong>
</p><hr/><p>
  <strong> <em>I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting</em> </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em>I didn't know if you'd care if I came back</em> </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em>I have a lot of regrets about that</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>The Hall of Princes had always been the very centre of Mika's entire universe. Of course it wasn't necessarily a happy place for most vampires. Laws were made there. Trials were held. Sentences were passed. Justice was served. Not everyone had a good experience there, and Mika had respected that. But it was his happy place nonetheless.</p><p>He was only in his early twenties the first time he walked through those doors at Paris's side. In that moment, he felt like he was home. He couldn't explain why he felt such a strong connection to the room or why he took one look at that row of simple wooden thrones at the front of the room and knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that was his destiny. And it wasn't merely entitlement talking; even though he was the star apprentice of the legendary Paris Skyle. He'd only known Paris 5 years at that point and he knew better than to expect a leg up in the vampiric political world. If anything, Paris was harder on him so that if Mika did achieve his goals the clan would know he did so by his own merit.</p><p>And achieve them he did. Mika had sat in Paris's throne several times over the years but the moment he finally sat in his very own, the night of his investiture, was better than he could've imagined. The mountain was home, and that throne was his endgame. He grew up here, sitting in on meetings and conferences with Paris, learning everything he could. He found a family here, forged unbreakable bonds baptized in blood, sweat, and tears. He raised his daughter here. He couldn't count how many times she'd fallen asleep in his arms there in that throne as he conducted business. He fell in love here - twice, if you counted Arra which he did. Even on the most tedious, boring days where nothing remotely interesting happened he repeated the same mantra every time he walked up the middle aisle of the hall on the way to his throne:</p><p>I'm where I'm supposed to be. This is home. I'm so lucky. I love it here.</p><p>It's one thing to have a job. It's another thing to be good at it. And it's yet another thing to know you're good at it. And was he ever good at. Mika had it all, even from a young age. He was a gifted speaker, he was clever, charismatic, fiery but not reckless. He was politically savvy and physically tough, an incredible warrior. That wasn't to say he didn't work hard, but he was just naturally good at all the things required to succeed. He was never outright cocky about it, but he was confident and deservedly so.</p><p>A confidence that took centuries to build and seconds to destroy.</p><p>Seven days to the hour Kurda would have been formally invested, Mika found himself standing still as a statue, in front of the huge doors that stood between him and that room he once loved so much. How could he possibly walk in there, smile and wave, get back to business and find a way to exist in the very room where his entire world crashed and burned? His mind ran in circles, warning bells were blaring in his mind and he felt the familiar suffocating pressure on his chest as his mind and body objected emphatically to what he was about to do.</p><p>
  <em>I don't want to to this. I'm not ready. I can't do it. It's too soon. I can't be in that room again. Anything but this. I'm going to lose my fucking mind in front of everyone. Oh gods. Oh fuck. Deep breaths. Tell them you're sick. Tell them you need another day. Fuck fuck fuck I can't do this.</em>
</p><p>He kept thinking about his painful and much too brief visit with Gracie where he'd broken the news to her. She'd been devastated, angry, and rightfully so. He'd explained everything to the best of his abilities. She cried. So did he. But she accepted it. Somehow at the age of 15, she possessed the inner strength to accept this incomprehensible twist of fate with dignity. Like a Phoenix, she'd rise from the ashes stronger than before.</p><p>If she could do that, Mika figured he should at least try.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>Pulled the car off the road to the lookout</em> </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em>Could've followed my fears all the way down</em> </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em>And maybe I don't quite know what to say</em> </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em>But I'm here in your doorway</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>I just wanted you to know</em> </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em>That this is me trying</em> </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em>I just wanted you to know</em> </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em>That this is me trying</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Darren's first week as a Vampire Prince had been a whirlwind. He almost didn't have time to wonder where Mika was. He did overhear several muttered comments between Paris and Arrow at one point though. From what it sounded like, Kurda's betrayal had cut Mika deeper than anyone else and he was taking some personal time.</p><p>Darren felt a pang of sympathy as he remembered the brief but pleasant conversation he'd had with Mika and Kurda's daughter Gracie. It felt like years ago but it had barely been a month. For a while, the mental image of the smiling, blond-haired General and the moody, dark-clad Prince raising a child together had been a little amusing.</p><p>But now, any thought of Kurda made his heart sink all over again. He was nowhere near close to working through his feelings over the betrayal. It was literally the most complicated situation he could've imagined. In the short time he'd known Kurda, he felt like he'd known him forever. He seemed to become family overnight. And then... well, everyone knew how that turned out.</p><p>Darren had been chatting with Larten and Seba when the doors slid open and Mika slowly walked in.</p><p>"There he is!" Arrow boomed eagerly. But there was a hitch in the tattooed Prince's voice. Darren glanced over at him, he looked almost overwhelmed with relief as though he hadn't been expecting Mika to show up. Perhaps Mika was struggling more than Darren realized.</p><p>Darren took a closer look at Mika as he approached the throne platform. He looked tired and maybe a little paler than last time he saw him, had it really been a whole week since everything happened? But all-in-all, Mika looked mostly fine. It wasn't like Darren knew him that well to begin with.</p><p>"Sorry I'm late." Mika grunted unceremoniously as he sat down in his throne. Now that he was only a few feet from Darren, he could see Mika was tense. He was putting on an impressively cool facade, but Darren noticed the way he gripped his armrest as though trying to keep himself grounded. Darren didn't pay much attention to it though. It had been a difficult week for everyone.</p><p>"We're just glad you're here." Said Paris softly, reaching over and touching Mika's arm.</p><p>"So what did I miss?" Mika asked briskly.</p><p>"We've mostly been talking strategy and discussing hypotheticals." Said Paris.</p><p>"Been a lot of talk and not much action." Arrow added. "We've mostly been deciding where we want to send our troops and what we want them to do when they get there."</p><p>"They will mostly be doing reconnaissance at first, obtaining more concrete information about the Vampaneze Lord. After which they will report back to us so we can make an appropriate plan around that." Larten added with a distinct air of self-importance.</p><p>Seba rolled his eyes while Paris chuckled kindly.</p><p>"Larten, you're doing it again." Arrow remarked.</p><p>"Doing what?" Larten asked, looking affronted.</p><p>"Darren's job." Arrow snorted. The boy Prince blushed, but giggled. Larten also blushed but most certainly did not giggle.</p><p>"Fine." Larten huffed. "Go ahead, Darren."</p><p>Darren took a deep breath.</p><p>"Okay." He said determinedly. "So we're splitting the Generals into teams to go do... uh..."</p><p>"Reconnaissance!" Larten hissed.</p><p>"I don't even know what that means!" Darren groaned.</p><p>Larten mashed his palm against his face and sighed.</p><p>"It's just a fancy way of saying 'gathering information'." Said Paris gently.</p><p>"It's okay, Darren." Arrow shrugged. "You don't need to be a wordsmith to do this job. I thought "for all intensive purposes" was a real phrase until like, two years ago."</p><p>"It's not?" Darren frowned.</p><p>"It's "for all intents and purposes"." Mika grumbled, rolling his eyes. Even though he would've rather been anywhere else in the world at the present moment, was unable to help himself. "This is why I still proofread his speeches for him."</p><p>"Am I going have to give speeches too?" Darren asked, looking suddenly alarmed.</p><p>"Eventually." Said Paris gently. "But don't worry. If anyone laughs at you, you can just have them arrested."</p><p>Darren smiled sheepishly as the others laughed. They chatted away for several minutes about nothing in particular; there was time to kill before the first meeting of the night was set to begin. None of the Generals had arrived yet.</p><p>Mika let his mind wander away from the rest of the group. They all seemed so relaxed, as if the entire world hadn't ended merely a week ago. How could they laugh? How dare they smile and crack jokes as though it was just another day in paradise? Mika felt a sickening wave of resentment at Arrow, the man was positively doting on Darren. Mika knew his best friend had a soft spot for kids, but coddling the young Prince wouldn't do him any favours in the long run.</p><p>Mika stared at the other side of the room, looking at nothing in particular, trying to tune Arrow's voice out as he eagerly told Darren a story about the time 200 years ago Seba and Paris got him in trouble for trying to ride down the stream in a barrel during his cub days.</p><p>Eventually the first General showed up.</p><p>"Ah, Sire Ver Leth! You're finally back! Never thought I'd see the day you took a leave of absence!" Said Yebba jovially when he saw Mika. Yebba didn't mean to be rude at all, but Mika rolled his eyes unpleasantly.</p><p>"Wow, yes. Thank you so much for calling attention to it." Mika snapped at the well-intentioned General.</p><p>"Easy." Arrow murmured gently with a sideways glance at Mika. Mika could've punched him. He was lucky Paris was sitting between them or Mika would've been very tempted. Yebba frowned deeply and turned red. He muttered an apology which Mika did not acknowledge.</p><p>The meeting began. Mika tried to stay present, be attentive, offer something even slightly useful but all he could see was Kurda standing there alone admitting he'd sold his soul to the devil because of a doomsday prophecy. It seemed like a thousand years ago, yet simultaneously also felt like it just happened yesterday.</p><p>They droned on and on and their voices began to sound foreign, warped as though speaking in slow motion as Mika retreated further and further into his own mind. It was as close as he could get to escaping this godsforsaken room without physically leaving it. But Paris's firm voice suddenly snapped him back to reality.</p><p>"Mika?" Paris was saying, looking over at him with an expectant expression.</p><p>"Sorry, what?"</p><p>"Do you recall any of the locations Kurda used to visit when he took his... erm, business trips?" Paris asked gently. "Perhaps that will help narrow things down for us. It would be useful to know where our troops should start."</p><p>Really, Paris? I've been back for five fucking minutes and you're sending me on a trip down memory lane?</p><p>"He didn't disclose the logistics of his dealings to me." Mika replied coolly. "As far as I'm aware, he went to Ireland several times. Russia once. And France twice. But there's no way of knowing how true that was. I apologize I can't be more useful than that."</p><p>Paris looked disappointed.</p><p>"It's alright." Said Arrow patiently. "He fooled all of us. Not your fault."</p><p>"You don't need to patronize me." Mika shot back. "I know I should've asked more questions."</p><p>"Not even remotely what I was getting at." Arrow replied drily. "Yebba, how are your trainees progressing?"</p><p>There then followed an hour-long discussion on how Yebba wasn't entirely convinced his trainees were ready for anything of this level, and then another about whether it would be worth waiting to send them out after they'd had more time to prepare for the war. Another hour and a compromise was finally reached: they'd have six extra months to prepare. It probably wouldn't be enough, but it was the most time they could afford given the circumstances. With that, Yebba went on his way to inform them.</p><p>Hour four: New meeting, different General, same topic. This song and dance was already getting old. Most vampires were eager to get out of the mountain and get the war started. But many Generals expressed they would be hesitant to go spill unnecessary blood this early in the war, while reaffirming they would gladly do whatever the Princes thought was best. But it was evident the Princes had no earthly clue what was best.</p><p>Arrow seemed to have a lot of faith in the vampiric troops. His opinion was essentially, fuck it. Let's do this. Full send. They can't learn real war skills in this mountain, so why waste time?</p><p>Paris leaned more in the other direction. He didn't want to be responsible for unnecessary deaths, no matter how eager the troops were. In a different circumstance he would've admired their courage but they had no way of knowing how long the war would drag out. Paris felt the clan should make a point of pacing themselves.</p><p>Darren, being like twelve years old or something, didn't know fuck all about any of this. Larten however felt the clan should be to take action as soon as possible. However his views also aligned with Paris in that he felt they should avoid actual combat unless necessary and should prioritize reconnaissance.</p><p>They went around in circles once again. If you're keeping track, this brings us up to hour five.</p><p>"Mika, you're being awfully quiet. What do you think?" Paris murmured during a lull in conversation.</p><p>"I think you're all saying a lot of words." Mika replied flatly. Paris sighed.</p><p>"Yes... there's a lot to discuss." Said Paris with poorly disguised exasperation. "Surely you of all people have your own idea of the best way to proceed? I've never known you not to have an opinion about anything."</p><p>"There's no 'best way'." Said Mika with an irritable shrug. "We have very limited information, so prioritize recon I guess? But then again, the vampaneze will all know what happened by now so they'll be preparing their defences as we speak. So we can't really afford to wait. But don't forget we have absolutely no fucking idea how long this is going to last so sending our best men to die in the first month won't get us very far in the long run. None of these plans are ideal. No matter what we do, vampires will die. So pick your poison because in all likelihood we're fucked regardless. But for the love of the gods just PICK one, because if you plan on having this same conversation with every General in this place I can think of just about anything I'd rather be doing than listening to another minute of this." He concluded with an ice-cold bite to his voice, glaring around the room at the other Princes, at Larten and Seba, and at the very concerned looking General that stood in front of them.</p><p>Now Mika was angry again. At what, or who? He didn't know and didn't care. All he knew was he needed an outlet and he wouldn't have complained if one was to present itself.</p><p>But the problem with being a Vampire Prince is that people don't exactly line up to put you in your place. That left the other Princes. But Paris and Arrow clearly knew this was not the time. And Darren, despite his recent ascension in the ranks, obviously didn't yet see his fellow Princes as equals, but rather superiors. That would come with time, but today wasn't the day.</p><p>"Get out, Mika." Said Paris much too calmly.</p><p>"And do what?" Mika snapped.</p><p>"I don't particularly give a fuck what you do for the rest of the day. As long as you do it somewhere else." Paris replied icily. Arrow, Larten, Darren, and Seba assumed comically identical expressions of shock. Paris Skyle was not known to utilize cuss words often, if at all.</p><p>Mika smiled around at the four of them, but there was nothing friendly or pleasant about it.</p><p>"This was fun. Let's do it again tomorrow, shall we?" He told them sardonically, rolling his eyes as he stood up from his throne and quickly walked out of the room without a backwards glance.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>They told me all of my cages were mental</em> </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em>So I got wasted like all my potential</em> </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em>And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad</em> </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em>I have a lot of regrets about that</em> </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em>I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere</em> </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em>Fell behind all my classmates and I ended up here</em> </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em>Pourin' out my heart to a stranger</em> </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em>But I didn't pour the whiskey</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>As much as Mika didn't want to be in the Hall of Princes, he also didn't relish the idea of going back to the daily activities he'd partaken in during the past week which were mostly lying on Arrow's couch, drinking heavily, trying to read the meeting notes Arrow and Paris recorded to keep him in the loop, crying, thinking about Kurda, attempting some paperwork to take his mind off it, giving up ten minutes later, crying some more, and inevitably ending back up on Arrow's couch and waiting for sleep to put him out of his misery for a few hours.</p><p>He made his way back to the hallway where the Princes' cells were. Since he was already in a terrible mood, he might as well start the slow process of getting his own room cleaned up so he could inhabit it again. He hadn't even opened the door since the night he'd broken down on the floor in a pile of broken glass, splintered wood, spilled whiskey, and his own blood. Arrow had slipped in and out a couple times to grab him spare clothes and such, but otherwise the room remained untouched. An ugly monument to the ugliest, most vulnerable moment of Mika' life. As much as he'd drank that night, he wished he'd had more. Maybe then he wouldn't have remembered any of it.</p><p>He stopped at his door and took a few deep breaths before gripping the handle and pushing it open.</p><p>Somehow it was so much worse than he remembered. He knew he shouldn't have left it this long, he knew there'd been blood everywhere. He could've ordered anyone else to clean it up and it would've been spotless again in an hour but that would mean some random staff member bearing witness to the full extent of his depravity. Fuck that. He had a reputation to uphold. And he hadn't done himself any favours during the meeting he'd just been expelled from. He couldn't afford any other slip-ups.</p><p>He took a step into the room and looked around. The overpowering scent of whiskey and blood hit him like a freight train and it all came rushing back. All of the shock, panic, grief, and pure rage had cooled to a dull ache over the past seven days but suddenly it was all fresh again. Just like the moment he walked back into the Hall of Princes several hours prior.</p><p>Fucking excellent. Not like I need to use either of those rooms for anything ever, he thought to himself with bitter sarcasm. He turned around and walked out of his cell as quickly as he'd arrived. He'd have to face the mess eventually but today was not the day.</p><p>But there was one sanctuary left. One place that hadn't been entirely tarnished by the past. Mika began to head in the direction of the sporting halls. Of course those halls still held plenty of memories of Kurda, but for some reason Mika was able to separate them from the rest. If there was any corner of this place where he'd be able to clear his head, that was it.</p><p>The Hall of Baker Wrent was mostly empty when he reached it, but there was one vampire in the corner holding a staff and squaring off with a practice dummy. It was Vanez. Mika approached him.</p><p>"Hey, Vanez. Good to see you -" Mika began, but Vanez whipped around sharply, staff raised defensively. He swung it wildly and would've taken Mika's teeth out had he not been several feet off target.</p><p>"Fuck, sorry." Said Mika quickly, realizing it had been inconsiderate not to announce his arrival to the newly blinded man. "It's Mika. Didn't mean to startle you."</p><p>Vanez groaned and lowered his staff.</p><p>"No, Sire. I am sorry." He sighed woefully. "I should have heard you coming. I was distracted. I didn't hit you, did I?"</p><p>"No, but you were close." Said Mika politely.</p><p>Vanez frowned.</p><p>"How close?"</p><p>"Uh... just a foot or so. You almost had me." Mika replied, trying to sound slightly encouraging.</p><p>"Don't patronize me." Vanez growled, sounding suddenly frustrated. "I know I was way off."</p><p>"You were way off." Mika admitted ruefully, not missing the fact that Vanez had just repeated almost verbatim what Mika had snapped at Arrow just several hours ago.</p><p>Vanez groaned again, sounding more defeated than before.</p><p>"I know every inch of this room. All of this should be second nature, eyes or no eyes." The blind games master muttered unhappily. "I don't know what's wrong with me."</p><p>"Why don't you sit down?" Mika suggested lightly." Vanez looked very pale.</p><p>"I would love to, if I knew where the damn bench was. One of Seba's men moved everything around yesterday." Vanez grunted. "Took me an hour just to find this dummy."</p><p>"Why didn't you ask for help?" Mika asked.</p><p>Vanez let out a humourless laugh.</p><p>"Would you have?"</p><p>"Probably not." Mika sighed. "The bench is right over here. Come on."</p><p>He gently put his hand on Vanez's shoulder and steered him over to the long wooden bench on the wall and they sat down side-by-side.</p><p>"Have you been in here all day?" Mika asked casually.</p><p>"Eight hours and counting." Vanez grunted. "I'll leave when I feel like I've accomplished something."</p><p>"That's pretty open-ended" Said Mika. "One could argue you accomplished something just by getting from your coffin to this room."</p><p>"If that's an accomplishment you might as well throw me out in the snow. Because if I can't even meet my targets on a practice dummy consistently, I'm no good to any of you." Vanez grumbled.</p><p>"That's a little melodramatic." Mika replied conversationally.</p><p>"You're not one to talk." Vanez huffed, then added, "Sire."</p><p>"I suppose. But since when does Vanez Blane miss a target?" Mika asked pointedly. "I know you've done all of this blindfolded before. You even made Arrow and I do it when you trained us."</p><p>"Since when does Mika Ver Leth sit out a war strategy meeting?" Vanez shot back quickly.</p><p>"Touché." Mika grunted. "I got booted. Paris told me to get out and that he didn't care where I went after that."</p><p>"He what? Surely he didn't mean it!"</p><p>"He meant it. He said fuck."</p><p>"Oh. Wow."</p><p>"To be fair, I was being unpleasant." Mika said frankly.</p><p>"You? Never." Vanez smirked.</p><p>"It was my first day back on duty since... last week."</p><p>"Ahhh. I understand."</p><p>Mika gave Vanez an abridged summary of the five hours of meetings that had taken place earlier.</p><p>"We've never faced anything like this." Vanez sighed. "Of course there's no clear-cut solution. We just have to do the best we can and take it as it comes."</p><p>"No one will say it, but I feel like they all think I should've seen the signs everyone else missed. Like they're surprised that I didn't know any more about it than they do. Like somehow I'm the one who's supposed to know where to go from here. Because of Kurda." Mika sighed bitterly, taken aback by his own honesty. Maybe it was because Vanez could no longer see the expression on his face.</p><p>"They don't think that, Mika." Said Vanez softly after a long pause. "Not even a little bit. You were gone for a whole week, but I spent hours in that room. I may not be able to see, but I didn't have to. Paris and Arrow were so worried about you. I could hear it in their voice. I could feel it in their energy. This mountain isn't whole without you. And not a single vampire in this clan blames you. You're above all of it."</p><p>"Are you sure about that?" Mika asked skeptically.</p><p>"All the times I stood in that hall talking to Paris and Arrow, it was as if they was only half-there. They kept looking over their shoulders at the door like they were waiting for you to walk in." Said Vanez gently.</p><p>Mika paused. A thought occurred to him.</p><p>"Vanez, don't take this the wrong way but how did you know they were looking over their shoulders?"</p><p>Vanez looked surprised, as though he hadn't thought of that.</p><p>"I... don't know how I knew. I just sensed it. I can't explain it." He replied slowly. "But I'm not making it up, I swear. I must sound crazy to you."</p><p>"No. Not at all." Said Mika firmly. "You just proved my point. You don't need your eyes. You have everything you need to get back to doing what you do best."</p><p>"I'm fucking blind!" Vanez groaned, throwing his hands in the air. "So what if I can read a couple of people I've known for centuries? That doesn't mean I'll ever be of use to the clan again!"</p><p>Mika didn't say anything for a minute.</p><p>"I think I know what your problem is. And it's not your loss of vision." He told Vanez at last. "You're just overthinking it. You know how to do all of this, and you do it better than anyone. This is your thing, Vanez. So... just do it. Don't get caught up thinking about how it used to be, or worrying about if it'll ever be the same again. Just do it."</p><p>"And if I can't?" Vanez grunted. Mika rolled his eyes but stood up, picked up Vanez's discarded staff, and gently eased it into the blind man's hands.</p><p>"You will. Now take this, I want to try a few things." Said Mika firmly. Vanez groaned again.</p><p>"Surely you have better things to do, Mika. We're about to go to war. The clan is in chaos. You don't need to hold my hand. I'm sorry for going on such a rant with everything else that's happening. I'm fine, really."</p><p>Mika smirked and shrugged, even though Vanez couldn't see it.</p><p>"I'm banned from the Hall of Princes until I fix my attitude, remember? I have nothing better to do than kick a blind man's ass. Let's go!"</p><p>Vanez wasn't sure at first. He knew Mika very well, but he was still apprehensive about the likely prospect of making a fool of himself in the company of a Prince.</p><p>One hour was all it took. One hour of low-pressure sparring that started off gently enough; he got the impression Mika was assessing him. Until it escalated to the point where they were both moving at nearly full speed. Mika kept Vanez just distracted enough so that he couldn't think too hard, but not so distracted that he couldn't track Mika's movements with his remaining senses. He had to rely purely on instinct. And as soon as he let his guard down and trusted himself... Mika had been absolutely right.</p><p>It was still difficult, of course. Fighting blind was one of the hardest things Vanez had ever done. But he was doing it. For the first time in a week he didn't feel like a stranger in his own body. They went back and forth, swinging their staffs, jabbing, blocking, and dodging each other.</p><p>Then Vanez heard Mika step to the left, and prepared to block the shot he knew was coming. But in that millisecond he registered that something felt off. He didn't have time to think about it. Instinct took over and he swung fiercely to the right instead.</p><p>Then he felt his staff connect with something solid, probably a skull, and heard a loud crack.</p><p>"Ouch!" Mika yelped sharply. Vanez dropped his staff in alarm.</p><p>"Sire! I'm so sorry!" He moaned. "I didn't mean -"</p><p>"No! Don't apologize!" Mika cut him off, sounding elated. Much to Vanez's surprise. "You did it! Fuck, Vanez, that was incredible! I took a trick shot to see what you'd do. I was going slow so I wouldn't hurt you if you didn't pick up on it. But you saw it coming! Or sensed it. Whatever."</p><p>Vanez began to smile. He heard Mika approach but wasn't expecting to be pulled into a tight, rough hug.</p><p>"Thank you..." Vanez croaked out.</p><p>"You trained me first, remember? You made me what I am. It was the least I could do." Mika replied seriously. "But all I did was tell you to get out of your own head. The rest was all you."</p><p>"I don't know what Sire Skyle was talking about." Said Vanez gruffly as they broke apart and sat back down on the bench to take a rest. "Your attitude seems fine to me."</p><p>"You're not the only one who feels at home in this room." Mika replied matter-of-factly.</p><p>Vanez didn't speak for several moments.</p><p>"Well, I'm also not the only one getting stuck in my own head." Said the Games Master eventually. "Take your own advice, Mika. Don't overthink it. Get back in there and do what you do better than anyone. It will never be as it was before; that's the reality we're facing. We lost a lot last week, there's no denying it. We're all hurting in different ways. But we're still here. We have to make that mean something."</p><p>"You're right." Said Mika quietly. "Are you hungry?"</p><p>Mika figured when he eventually returned to the Hall of Khledon Lurt it would be with Arrow. But he had a nice meal with Vanez nonetheless, despite the fact that they were quickly flocked by a crowd of well-meaning vampires who were happy to see that Mika had returned and equally thrilled to hear about Vanez's progress in the gaming halls. Mika was only too happy to share Vanez's recent triumph - after all, it took the attention off himself.</p><p>An hour or so passed and Mika knew what he had to do next. He wasn't looking forwards to it, but he had to get back to the Hall of Princes eventually. So he said goodnight to Vanez and left him in the company of his friends.</p><p>Vanez was right, he had to take his own advice. It was time to go do what he did best. It would never be the same again. It would probably always hurt a little bit. But he was still here.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> <strong>I just wanted you to know</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>That this is me trying</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>I just wanted you to know</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>That this is me trying</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>At least I'm trying</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>And it's hard to be at a party</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>When I feel like an open wound</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>It's hard to be anywhere these days</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>When all I want is you</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>You're a flashback in a film reel</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>On the one screen in my town</strong> </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He dreaded the moment he walked back into that room but he didn't hesitate like he had earlier. He expected glares from Paris and Arrow, maybe even mutters from the others. But to his overwhelming relief, hardly anyone reacted as he walked in. There were a few Generals hanging around but it seemed most of the day's business had concluded. Paris, Arrow, and Darren were still in their thrones. Seba and Larten were still hovering dutifully around Darren like a doting father-grandfather duo. Harkat had appeared and was also at Darren's side; he played the role of the sidekick marvellously.</p><p>The bunch of them looked so at ease, it was hard to believe they were about to launch headlong into a war for the very future of the clan. But their contentedness did not ignite hostility in Mika as it had earlier. Maybe the hours in the sporting hall had been just as good for Mika as it had been for Vanez, or maybe he was just too tired to be angry anymore. But as he took his second trip of the day up to the throne platform, he finally felt the faintest semblance of acceptance.</p><p>"Hey, Mika." Said Arrow nonchalantly as though Mika had simply returned from a momentary absence. Mika appreciated the lack of fuss more than he could possibly express.</p><p>Paris didn't say anything, but he raised his eyebrows at Mika as if to say, "you good?" Mika gave him a barely perceptible nod in return, and Paris smiled quickly.</p><p>"Hi, Sire Ver Leth!" Darren piped up amicably.</p><p>"You don't have to call anyone Sire anymore." Mika replied, albeit gently as he settled back into his throne. "How was your first week, Darren? I forgot to ask you earlier."</p><p>"It was really busy. But I learned a lot!" Said Darren earnestly. "It's better than the alternative."</p><p>"You're right about that." Mika agreed. "How about you, Larten? Thought you would've dragged a kitchen chair up here by now and made yourself at home."</p><p>Arrow and Seba let out roars of laughter as Larten blushed.</p><p>"I told him he should sit in your throne, Mika!" Seba snickered. "It would have made for the entertainment of the decade for the rest of us, had you caught him in the act!"</p><p>"Undoubtedly." Said Mika with a crisp smile. "I would've carried him outside and stuck him headfirst in a snow drift. At the very least."</p><p>Darren chortled at that. Larten glared.</p><p>"You know I would never sit in your throne." Larten huffed. "I know better."</p><p>"Never hurts to reiterate." Mika shrugged.</p><p>The group sat comfortably for almost an hour, making jokes and friendly small talk. It was a moment of reprieve during a strenuous time. The atmosphere was peaceful, almost deliberately so. As if everyone had accepted the fact that they'd need moments like these if they had any hope of maintaining their sanity in the coming years. It was like the last night Mika had sat in here, except this time he wasn't drinking heavily and retreating into the darkest corners of his own mind. He was present now. He felt like he could breathe again. It still hurt, gods it hurt so much. But the fact that he was sitting up here and not thinking about either dying or resigning... that was a victory. A new kind of victory for him, but a victory all the same.</p><p>"I'm going to bed." Said Arrow during a lull in conversation. "I've been up for 24 hours."</p><p>"Sleep well." Said Mika casually as Arrow got up. "You can go too, Paris. I'll guard the hall tonight. Darren, you can stay up with me if you want. Or you can go get some sleep if you need it. Whatever you want."</p><p>"I haven't been up that long. I can stay!" Said Darren determinedly.</p><p>"See you all tomorrow then!" Said Arrow with a weary smile, waving at them as he descended the steps from the platform.</p><p>"Want to play a game?" Mika asked Darren in an undertone.</p><p>"Uh... sure?" Darren replied, looking rather confused.</p><p>"Okay." Said Mika seriously. "When I say 'now', touch that panel on your right arm rest. Got it?"</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>They watched Arrow walk down the aisle towards the doors. The tattooed Prince went to the panel on the wall beside the doors and pressed his palm against it. The doors slid open smoothly.</p><p>"Now." Said Mika.</p><p>Darren looked confused and a little concerned but he did as he was told. He touched his panel and the doors shut again - right in Arrow's face.</p><p>They watched Arrow pause, and touch the door panel again to re-open the doors.</p><p>"Again." Said Mika with a faint smirk. Darren was smiling now too. He placed his hand back on his panel to close the doors before Arrow could get through them. This went back and forth several more times, until Arrow spun around sharply to glare back up at them and flash them a rude hand gesture. Mika wiped all traces of amusement from his face and pointed at Darren. Darren's face paled at Arrow's livid expression, but only for a moment. Arrow's face split into a wide grin. He threw his head back and laughed loudly. Darren smiled back impishly and touched the panel one last time to open the doors for him.</p><p>"Only the first week and you're already teaching him your old tricks!" Arrow hollered across the room at Mika with a gleam in his eye. "You're not going to like the one I teach him tomorrow!"</p><p>"It better not be the spiders on the throne routine!" Mika snapped back, but there was a sly grin on his lips as well.</p><p>Arrow laughed again, and exited the room with a final wave.</p><p>"Thanks, Sire Ver Leth." Said Darren sheepishly. "That was fun."</p><p>Mika raised an eyebrow at his young colleague.</p><p>"Don't mention it. Just because you have a big job doesn't mean it has to be doom and gloom all the time. Life's too long for that." He told Darren frankly. "You'll go insane sitting up here if you don't let yourself breathe every now and then. Trust me. And for the last time, stop calling me Sire. Don't make it weird."</p><p>Darren laughed again, and looked up at Mika as though seeing him for the first time.</p><p>"Fine. Thanks... Mika."</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>And I just wanted you to know</em> </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em>That this is me trying (maybe I don't quite know what to say)</em> </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em>I just wanted you to know</em> </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em>That this is me trying</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>At least I'm trying</em> </strong>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>He did it!! He went back to work! I'm so proud of him!</p><p>Hope the Vanez fans enjoyed that. I've never written that much Vanez before. </p><p>Please leave a note if you have time. I'd appreciate it :)</p><p>Love!</p><p>- Roxy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. If I Had One, It'd Be Bigger Than Yours</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>No damsel in distress, don't need to save me, Once I start breathin' fire, you can't tame me<br/>And you might think I'm weak without a sword, But if I had one, it'd be bigger than yours</p><p>***</p><p>Three months have passed since Kurda's exile. Gracie finds herself back in Vampire Mountain for Christmas break and can't help but reminisce. Some memories are more bittersweet than others. Darren knows all about that. The Resident Adults are also doing their best, but honestly it's been a shitty year for everyone.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm sorry for the wait, guys!</p><p>I know it's not 2009 and liveblogging your life in the author's notes isn't the move anymore but I kind of got engaged to the love of my life (the Kurda to my Mika... minus all of the obvious problematic aspects lmfao) over the weekend so I've been ~unfocused~ to say the least! But don't you worry, I'm finishing this damn story. And my wedding isn't til 2022 so we've got time.</p><p>This chapter is very long, full of flashbacks, and easily the least sad in recent memory so congratulations, you guys are the real winners here. My gift to you.</p><p>Chapter 4: If I Had One, It'd Be Bigger Than Yours</p><p>Song: Kings &amp; Queens by Ava Max (the official Gracie anthem)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <strong>If all of the kings had their queens on the throne</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>We would pop champagne and raise a toast</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>To all of the queens who are fighting alone</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Baby, you're not dancin' on your own</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>SIX MONTHS AGO:</strong>
</p><p>With only a month to go before Council opened, Kurda enjoyed something of a mental break where he was too busy to spare much extra thought to his upcoming treasonous plot. Everyone seemed to be complaining about something, and Paris was ill. Nothing major, but Mika and Arrow had both ordered him to take some time off so he'd be ready for Council and the old Prince reluctantly agreed.</p><p>Anyway, Kurda's to-do list was a mile long that day and on top of everything else, he couldn't find Mika anywhere. Arrow was fuming because he was late for a meeting but he couldn't leave the Hall of Princes because Mika hadn't showed up to swap places with him and seemed to be ignoring both Mika and Kurda's attempts at telepathic outreach. And of course Arrow never got properly pissed at his darling Mika, so Kurda bore the brunt of the tattooed Prince's impatience. Because that's completely fair. So Kurda found himself pacing the mountain irritably, on the hunt for his misplaced co-parent. Who, by the way, he was most definitely no longer even in a relationship with at this point.</p><p>When Kurda neared the entrance to the Hall of Rush Flon'x, he heard Mika's voice coming from within the room and felt a rush of relief. Mika was laughing, and based on the soft metallic swishing noise he was clearly doing something that involved swords. No wonder he tuned out their mental messages, he always kept a laser focus when working with his beloved sharp objects (as Kurda called them). He was probably giving his preferred Generals a tuning-in before the council began. If his trainees fought favourably, it would reflect well upon Mika so he never minded taking time to help them hone their skills.</p><p>But then a familiar voice reached Kurda's ears and he paused before opening the door. He felt a hot stab of indignance; it wasn't a General in there with Mika. It was Gracie. Fifteen-year-old-human-Gracie.</p><p>"You don't have to grip it quite that hard." Mika was saying. "Relax your arm, you won't have as much control of the swing if you're tense. There you go! Okay, swing at me again from the left - good - see how I blocked you? I kept my arms low so it doesn't interfere with my line of vision. If you were in a real fight, any loss of vision could be deadly."</p><p>"Oh, yeah! That totally makes sense! Heads up, I'm gonna try it again." Gracie replied, her voice brimming with excitement. But Kurda, still listening behind the door, didn't care. There were rules about this. Kurda didn't even want her in these stupid sporting halls to begin with but he'd reached a compromise with her. They agreed could learn staff work and basic self-defence. Nothing with blades.</p><p>Kurda had been VERY specific about that. But Mika hadn't exactly been helpful, he'd been much too excited when Gracie asked him if she could start learning sword work.</p><p>And of course that left Kurda to play bad cop, because no way in hell would he let his daughter get a taste of the violence that the entire vampire clan seemed to thrive on. And it would be too much to ask for the mighty Mika Ver Leth, who could pass out an execution sentence to a vampire at the drop of a hat, to say no to his daughter. She was still a human and Kurda was desperate for her to stay that way. She was just as determined and clever as Mika was and Kurda was terrified if she started learning too much about that sort of thing she'd end up enjoying it. And then it would become almost impossible to convince her she'd be happier as a human in the long run.</p><p>Gods fucking damn you, Mika... Kurda thought angrily as he swung the door open.</p><p>The first thing he noticed was that Gracie was using one of Mika's more ornamental swords, a flashy gold-plated thing with diamonds in the handle. He supposed Mika had chosen it for her because it was smaller and lighter than most of his others. But Kurda still recalled the time he'd borrowed it for a sparring "date" and although Mika allowed him to use it, he cringed quietly the entire time. Particularly when Kurda accidentally dropped it. He loved those stupid fucking swords. No wonder he looked like he was fully in his element right now, happier than Kurda had seen him in years. And the worse part was Gracie looked equally happy as Mika showed her a slowed-down version of a drill he often ran with his trainees. She was watching him with complete focus and clearly absorbing all of it like a sponge. Neither of them noticed Kurda standing there.</p><p>"Are you fucking KIDDING me, Mika?!" Kurda snarled. He watched the light die from Mika's eyes as he realized he was busted. He turned to face Kurda, running his hand tiredly through his hair.</p><p>"Kurda, there's no need to get angry -" Mika began but Kurda had absolutely no interest in whatever explanation he was about to offer.</p><p>"Isn't there?!" Kurda roared. "We made a compromise! You made a promise to me! She's not a fucking vampire! She doesn't need to know how to run a sword through somebody!"</p><p>Mika rolled his eyes. Kurda could've punched him in the head for that, but he figured that wouldn't be very pacifist of him so he restrained himself.</p><p>"I'm not teaching her how to run a sword through somebody, Kurda." Mika replied tersely. "Sword work is an ancient art form. It doesn't have to be inherently violent."</p><p>"Yeah, humans even have their own version. It's at the Olympics and everything, it's called fencing-" Gracie added hopefully.</p><p>"I know what fencing is! What you two are doing is NOT fencing! I'm not an idiot!" Kurda snapped at her abruptly, and immediately regretted it. Her face fell so quickly it broke his heart. She took a step closer to Mika and at the same moment he took a step closer to her as well. Mika looked incensed over the fact that Kurda had just yelled in their daughter's face. But he knew however pissed off Mika was, it couldn't hold a candle to how angry Kurda was at himself in that moment. But it was too late to backpedal now.</p><p>"Kurda, if you don't trust me to safely teach her something I am better at doing than any literally other vampire in this clan, I don't really know what to tell you. Other than to give your head a shake, perhaps?" Mika replied. His tone was still annoyingly calm but there was a distinct bite to it.</p><p>"I'm not questioning your skills. Charna's Guts, I know you're the best! The whole gods damned world knows you're the best!" Kurda growled. "That is not my issue with this! My issue is that you're doing something you promised not to do!"</p><p>"I asked him to teach me, okay? I kept asking until he finally agreed!" Grace spoke up again. There was a fierce new gleam in her eyes and for a moment Kurda felt like he had two Mikas glaring back at him. The actual Mika gently put his hand on Gracie's shoulder.</p><p>"I appreciate your honesty but you're not the adult here, Grace." Said Kurda stiffly. "This is between your dad and I."</p><p>"You can't just act like I'm not even here!" She yelled back, visibly frustrated. "I wanted to learn! Why are you so against everything? Dad just wanted to help me, what's so wrong with that?"</p><p>"You don't have to defend me. It's okay." Mika told her quietly. "Why don't you go find Seba? See if he needs help getting ready for council."</p><p>"But Dad-"</p><p>"Grace, it's time to go." said Mika, softly but firmly.</p><p>"Fine."</p><p>"You did great. I'll talk to you later." Mika added, giving her a quick smile before she turned and walked out of the room. She tossed Kurda a quick glare on her way and he sighed.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Gracie." Kurda groaned helplessly but she didn't respond. Mika glared at him until the door closed and she was out of earshot.</p><p>"You can't bubble wrap her, Kurda." Said Mika the second the door slammed. "I know better than anyone how much you want to protect her but there's a right and a wrong way to do it. She feels like a spectator in our world, and in the human world too. She doesn't feel like she fits in anywhere."</p><p>"Of course she fits in with the human world." Kurda spat. "She has a thousand friends. She's on all the sports teams. She's-"</p><p>"I know all of that. But that doesn't mean she feels at home there!" Mika retorted.</p><p>"How would you know?!" Said Kurda.</p><p>"Because she fucking told me!" Mika shouted. "She actually talks to me!"</p><p>"She talks to me too!" Kurda argued furiously.</p><p>"But do you listen?" Said Mika, raising an eyebrow skeptically.</p><p>"Of course I listen! That's my daughter! Mika, what the fuck is wrong with you?"</p><p>"Oh, right. You have to listen in case she says even one remotely positive about the clan, so you can come back with a thousand reasons we're all disgusting loathsome monsters and she'd be better off literally anywhere else." Said Mika icily. "Kurda, you know I don't necessarily want her life to look like ours either. I've never disagreed with you about that. But when you come right out and say it like that, all she hears is that you don't want her to actually be a part of your family."</p><p>Kurda felt a deep ache in the pit of his stomach. He couldn't muster an argument because he knew Mika was right. He knew he'd been pushing her away all summer as a result of the storm he knew was coming. It was blinding him to everything else.</p><p>"That's why, no matter how much I want her to hold on to her humanity and live happily and comfortably, to never have to worry about the things we worry about... we're still her family. She didn't choose us, but we chose her. You can't fault her for wanting to feel like part of the clan. I will never, ever make her feel like she doesn't have a choice." Mika continued. His voice was calm and even once again but lightning flashed in his eyes. It was all Kurda could to to stare back at him, breathing heavily as his mind raced. Mika gave him one last glare, then turned to head off to the armoury so he could return the swords they'd been using, but he paused for a moment.</p><p>"And Kurda, if the years go by and she actually decides she does want this life, if she wants our blood in her veins once she's old enough to fully understand what it means..." Mika took a deep breath and shot Kurda one last venomous glare. "...I'd be fucking honoured."</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Can't live without me, you wanna' but you can't, nah-nah-nah</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Think it's funny, but honey, can't run this show on your own</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>I can feel my body shake, there's only so much I can take</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>I'll show you how a real queen behaves, oh</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>PRESENT DAY:</strong>
</p><p>It didn't take long for Kurda to entirely lose track of time after leaving Vampire Mountain. He stopped counting the days. He stopped trying. He stopped caring. He just wandered through the wilderness and longed to disappear. He purposely put his body through the ringer. He waited too long between feedings, he exposed himself to some of the harshest elements on the planet and relished the agony. He deserved it. Because no matter how much pain he was in, he knew Mika was hurting worse. And it was his fault. He did that.</p><p>There'd been the tiniest fraction of a moment right before Kurda was led from the Hall of Princes for the last time where he'd locked eyes with Arrow and fired some desperate parting words across their mental connection:</p><p>
  <em>KS: Get him through this. Keep him safe. Promise me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: I will. But you can be damn sure I'm not doing it for you. Go to hell.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: That's the plan. Goodbye, Arrow.</em>
</p><p>Hell was truly the most apt description for it. By the time Kurda stumbled into civilization, three months later, he could barely walk. He wanted nothing more than to crawl into some warm, dark corner and leave this world behind. When he finally collapsed in a cold alleyway, his fall barely broken by a snow drift, he was certain he was dying. And what a sweet relief that was. He thought one more time about Gracie and wished he could've had just five minutes to tell her that even despite everything, he loved her so fiercely it hurt and he would have given anything in the world to spare her of the pain he'd caused.</p><p>Mika hadn't deserved to be put through this but he was an adult vampire, he'd pledged his full service to the clan a long time ago. Service including but not limited to suffering or even dying for the greater good. He knew what he was getting into. Maybe not the treason part, but he knew danger would always be par for the course to some extent. The life of a Vampire Prince is almost like a marriage - for better or worse, that title and the accompanying responsibilities had always been the true love of Mika's life.</p><p>So yes, Mika had deserved better. But Gracie should never have been part of their dark, gruesome world in the first place. For the first time in his life, Kurda wondered if she'd have been better off if they'd gone with the original plan and left her at the mercy of the orphanage. Maybe she would've been one of the lucky ones and been adopted by a family who had loving arms, a safe house, and enough food. Maybe she would have been fine. Maybe she could have grown up believing that vampires were only real in the pages of books or flickering movie screens. Maybe she would have been happier if she'd never heard of Mika Ver Leth or Kurda Smahlt. That was the last thing Kurda thought about before he closed his eyes against the driving snow and hoped he'd never open them again.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>No damsel in distress, don't need to save me</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Once I start breathin' fire, you can't tame me</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>And you might think I'm weak without a sword</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>But if I had one, it'd be bigger than yours</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Grace didn't get a minute of sleep the night Mika arrived unexpectedly at the school with the worst news she'd ever heard in her life. She was glad she had a single dorm room that year. She didn't have a roommate to ask why she arrived in tears at 2am. No one to watch awkwardly as she spent three hours with a pocket knife picking out every single thread where the name "Smahlt" was embroidered on the back of her track hoodie until only "Ver Leth" remained. She'd later explain it away as a messy divorce. But her friends would have no idea. They never had, and they never would. That was just the hand she'd been dealt in life.</p><p>Around the middle of that impossible conversation, she heard Mika tell her that Arra Sails, the first female role model in her life, had been struck down in the battle of Vampire Mountain. She acknowledged it at the time but Kurda's betrayal was naturally at the forefront of her mind. The loss of Arra truly didn't sink in til hours later when she was sitting on her bed looking up at her shelf of various athletic trophies and medals and she suddenly realized that she'd never see her hero again. Arra had always been so proud of her athletic prowess. Grace had never trained in Vampire Mountain as intensely as a true vampire would, but the training she did have set her apart from other humans. She'd wanted to branch out; she spent hours last summer in the sporting halls with Arra, learning the ways of the bars. She still had a long way to go, but she could still clearly remember the final day they trained together.</p><p>
  <strong>THREE MONTHS AGO:</strong>
</p><p>"I can't exactly compare you to anyone else I've ever trained." Arra told her frankly as they sat down side-by-side on the long wooden bench by the wall. "You're fully human, you don't have the reflexes or strength of a vampire. And until you, I've only ever trained vampires."</p><p>"I see." Gracie replied, raising her eyebrow. "Fair enough, I guess."</p><p>Then Arra smiled.</p><p>"But with that said, you should be proud of yourself. You may be a human, but your progress has impressed me nonetheless." Arra added. "You have excellent balance, and by human standards you're very quick on your feet. And you're cool-headed like your dad."</p><p>"Which dad?" Gracie asked with a wayward grin, already knowing.</p><p>Arra wrinkled her nose and Gracie laughed.</p><p>"Which one do you think?" Arra snorted.</p><p>"Not Kurda."</p><p>"Clever girl!" Arra cackled. Everyone, including Gracie, knew full well that Arra didn't have the highest opinion of Kurda. Especially not since he'd been nominated for investiture. She respected him as a vampire of good standing but that was about it.</p><p>"No matter how much you look like Kurda, I see more Mika in you every day." Arra added much more seriously. "The funniest part is the fact that you don't share DNA with either of them, but destiny is strange that way."</p><p>"Maybe that's why I fought with him so much this summer." Grace replied with the faintest hint of bitterness. "Kurda, that is. It's like he has a problem with me doing anything remotely vampire-ish. He was so pissed when he found out my other dad started training me on sword work. If he had his way he wouldn't even have let me train with you at all. I don't know what he expected me to do all summer! Sit in my cell alone and read?"</p><p>"Probably. Kurda's always been more than a little unconventional, to say the least." Said Arra. "I respect him but I don't pretend to understand what goes on underneath all that pretty blond hair. I suppose that means you won't be joining the clan anytime soon."</p><p>Grace let out a humourless laugh.</p><p>"Don't even bring that up in front of him, he'll throw you off a cliff for even suggesting it."</p><p>"I'd like to see him try!" Arra snorted. "What does Mika think about it? Actually, scratch that. What do YOU think about it?"</p><p>"I don't know if I want to be a vampire or not." Said Gracie honestly. "At least Dad - Mika - said its my choice. But he admitted he'll be happier if I stay human."</p><p>"That's fair. We can't fault him for wanting a softer life for you. What we have isn't for everyone. But he's right, it's your choice and yours alone. Once you're an adult." Arra commented evenly.</p><p>"The clan is my family. I have my human friends, but Vampire Mountain will always be home. I don't know. I like the idea of living to be 800 years old, but I also like the idea of having a successful job, a nice house, and an expensive car. If I stay human, I want to be a lawyer. Maybe have a family, if I accomplish all my other goals first... I like the idea of adopting kids." Gracie explained, smiling again.</p><p>"Excellent idea." Said Arra. "I've seen you out-argue both of your dads and they're two of the best arguers I've ever seen in my life. You have the best of both of them, you know that?"</p><p>"Really?"</p><p>"Absolutely. And I don't say that lightly. You're fierce, confident, and smart like Mika. You take no shit from anyone. You're going to succeed at whatever you do."</p><p>"Thanks, Arra. That means a lot, especially coming from you."</p><p>"No need to thank me for speaking the truth. And as for Kurda... even I can find something to compliment there. He is kind and compassionate. Not necessarily traits the clan values, I'll admit that. But you're not a vampire. And speaking as someone who cares about you, I'm glad those are qualities he instilled in you. Kurda is also stubborn, possibly more so than Mika. He is unapologetically himself, that much is certain. I don't agree with his political views but I respect the fact that he never wavers no matter what anyone tells him. If you live your life with as half much determination as he does, you'll conquer the world."</p><p>Gracie nodded slowly, taking it all in. Arra had always been quietly supportive, but she usually wasn't so forthcoming. That was simply Arra's way. Gracie had been honoured the legendary vampiress took time to train her at all.</p><p>"And no matter where you go, I'll be on your side." Arra continued firmly. "You've earned my respect and you'll always have it. You're family to me. And not just because you're Mika's kid! If you were a nasty brat, I wouldn't give you the time of day no matter who your dad is." She finished with a mischievous smirk. They laughed together for several minutes.</p><p>"I'm going to miss this." Said Gracie quietly, looking up at the bars.</p><p>"Well, start counting down until next summer." Said Arra, smiling slyly.</p><p>"What? You'd come back to the mountain that soon?" Gracie asked, taken aback. She knew Arra preferred not to spend much time in the mountain. She was happiest when travelling.</p><p>"Between you and me, I might not leave after council." Replied Arra, arching her eyebrows. "Everything's a little up in the air. It'll depend on a few things."</p><p>"Like?" Gracie pressed curiously, narrowing her eyes. Arra had a strange smile on her face, one Gracie hadn't seen before.</p><p>"Can we keep this between you and me?" Said Arra.</p><p>"My lips are sealed."</p><p>"Good. You're aware I used to be mated to Larten Crepsley many decades ago, right?"</p><p>"Yes." Gracie cringed. "That phrase... mating... will never not be weird to me. No offence."</p><p>"None taken." Said Arra lightly. "Anyway, Larten will be showing up here any day now and I know for a fact that Seba is planning on offering him the position of Quartermaster so he can retire."</p><p>"Really? I knew Seba wanted to retire. But last I heard, Dad and Paris were going over some potential people but I didn't realize he'd chosen someone. What does that have to do with you?"</p><p>Arra chuckled.</p><p>"You're a smart girl, think about it."</p><p>Then it clicked.</p><p>"If Larten stays in the mountain, you will too!"</p><p>"I knew you'd figure it out." Said Arra with a wry smile. "Only if Larten wants me to, that is."</p><p>"He'll want you to." Grace affirmed.</p><p>"Yes, he will." Arra agreed proudly. There was definitely an unusual sparkle in her eye.</p><p>"Didn't you have a thing with my dad once?" Grace asked cautiously after a pause.</p><p>"Indeed." Arra chortled, grinning wickedly. "Mika and I go way back. A thing was had, at one point. In the end I just wasn't pretty enough for him, I guess! We can't all be Kurda Smahlt. Thank the gods for that."</p><p>Grace rolled her eyes and elbowed Arra playfully.</p><p>"I thought it didn't work out because you were better on the bars than him." She snorted.</p><p>"Hah! That probably had something to do with it! Being second-best never agreed with him."</p><p>"I've noticed."</p><p>"We had feelings for each other a few times over the decades, but we never seemed to be in synch." Arra explained with an unconcerned shrug. "But that's life. He'll always be family to me. And human or vampire, so will you." Then she dropped her voice by several octaves and Grace had to lean closer to hear her.</p><p>"But personally, I hope vampire." Arra added with a wink.</p><p>They sat together for a few more minutes, laughing and joking until their hunger got the better of them and they made their way to the Hall of Khledon Lurt. Once they arrived, Arra was hailed by some fellow Generals who'd just arrived, and Grace went to sit with Mika and Paris who were waving at her from the other side of the room. She figured she'd catch up with Arra one last time to say a proper goodbye before going back to school, but Larten, Darren, and Harkat would arrive the following day, chaos would take over, and they wouldn't get the chance.</p><p>She didn't know it would be the last time she ever saw Arra.</p><p>The two and a half months between hearing the news of Kurda's treachery, and the start of her Christmas break felt like an eternity. She'd never been so happy to see Mika when he showed up to bring her home.</p><p>Upon her return to Vampire Mountain, it took her all of five minutes to run to her room, dump her backpack on the floor, and hustle down to the Hall of Baker Wrent to resume training right where she'd left off the last time she worked with Arra.</p><p>It took Darren all of thirty seconds to put his entire foot in his mouth the second she walked through the door.</p><p>Darren was training on the bars (the lower ones) with Harkat nervously hovering below, in case he needed to catch him. The bars were growing on Darren. They reminded him of Arra. He liked to imagine her at his side, egging him on with gentle taunts and snappy advice. She sure would've gotten a laugh out of the way he almost stumbled flat on his face when he turned to see Grace had suddenly materialized below him. To be honest, he'd mainly forgotten about Mika and Kurda's adopted daughter and the short but pleasant conversation he'd had with her. He'd been in the midst of a great personal crisis the day he met her, and the rest of his life more or less blew up immediately after. If not for the fact he heard Mika mention her every now and then, Darren might have wondered if his conversation with her had been a stress hallucination.</p><p>But no, there she was in person. She looked about the same but there was a slightly tougher expression on her face than the last time. Darren supposed high school was hard. He wouldn't know, though.</p><p>"Grace! You're back?!" He greeted her, hopping down from the bars.</p><p>"Merry Christmas. It's the first day of holidays." She replied with an aloof but sincere smile that Darren now recognized from hours spent with Mika. Was she sure she was adopted?</p><p>It occurred to him that Harkat hadn't been around for his first encounter with her before the Festival.</p><p>"Grace, this is Harkat." Said Darren with a wide smile. "He's a Little Person." He added redundantly. She laughed breezily.</p><p>"I talk to my dad on the phone once a week. I know all about Harkat Mulds! Pleased to meet you. I've heard good things!" She said to the Little Person, firmly shaking his hand.</p><p>"Pleasure is... mine." Said Harkat with a lopsided smile.</p><p>If Darren had thought it through, he would've kept his mouth shut and let Grace introduce herself. But he didn't think it through at all.</p><p>"Harkat, this is Grace Smahlt-Ver Leth." He continued unconcernedly. Then he watched her face cloud over and immediately realized his grave error in judgement.</p><p>"It's just Ver Leth now." She replied cooly.</p><p>Darren groaned inwardly.</p><p>"Sorry. I didn't think about that..."</p><p>She rolled her eyes and smiled again. When she smiled like that, she suddenly looked more like Kurda and Darren felt his heart ache all over again at the thought of his exiled friend, and everything else that happened during those days.</p><p>"It didn't occur to you to ask if I'd chosen to erase one of my dad's last names from my identity after he was found guilty of mass treason against he entire clan, murder, and an assassination plot against my other dad, uncle, and grandfather?" Grace asked sardonically.</p><p>The Ver Leth sarcasm was strong in this one, Darren realized immediately. His first impression of Mika all those months ago hadn't included a sense of humour but after a few weeks as colleagues, he realized that Mika most definitely had one. It was dry and dark and sarcastic, but it was a sense of humour nonetheless.</p><p>"I guess not." he mumbled with a weak laugh. "Again, really sorry."</p><p>"Don't worry about it." She shrugged. "At least I can be open about it here. I told my friends my parents got divorced - I was suddenly sad all the time so I needed to give them some sort of explanation. That was as close to the truth as I could get."</p><p>"It's hard living with a foot in both worlds." Said Darren quietly. "I did it once. It didn't last very long."</p><p>"Yeah... they have no idea what's out there. My best friend's parents split up a couple years ago so she thinks she understands... All I've heard the past three months is her ranting about her how she has to choose between spending Christmas in Aspen or Italy. Meanwhile I'm sitting there like, 'Sophie, my dad's a fucking war criminal. Shut up!'"</p><p>Darren frowned. Grace rolled her eyes.</p><p>"You can laugh. It's funny." She told him. Darren chuckled hollowly.</p><p>"I guess in some sick way, it's all a little funny." He admitted.</p><p>"I never felt like I was living a lie while I was living with humans, until this year." Grace continued frankly. "Like, I KNOW I'm a human but I don't feel like I am. But I'm not a vampire either. I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to be."</p><p>"Would you ever join the clan?" Darren asked cautiously. She sighed.</p><p>"I think about it probably more than I should, but I don't know. I brought it up last summer and my dad - Kurda - blew up. He always hated the idea of me becoming a vampire. But Mika basically said I can make my own decision once I'm an adult. He won't consider it til then."</p><p>"Yeah, they're really not into blooding minors. I learned that the hard way. Humanity has a lot going for it." Said Darren with a tired laugh.</p><p>"How've you been? Dad mentioned you got a promotion." She added offhandedly, walking away to take a wooden staff out of the large clay vase next to the bars which she began lazily spinning.</p><p>"You and your dad talk about me?" Darren asked, wincing slightly. "I always get the impression he doesn't like me."</p><p>"You'd know if he didn't like you!" She assured him.</p><p>"How?"</p><p>"He'd tell you!"</p><p>Harkat laughed wheezily. Grace paused in alarm at the unfamiliar sound, then laughed as well when she realized where it was coming from.</p><p>"But seriously, he thinks you're doing fine. As well as can be expected, anyway. He doesn't talk about you that much. If he really didn't like you, he'd complain about you a lot more." She shrugged with a half-smile.</p><p>"It's so cool you guys have a phone that works in Vampire Mountain! Mr. Crepsley told me there wouldn't be anything like that here." Said Darren enthusiastically. He knew all about the clunky old military device capable of picking up service anywhere on the planet.</p><p>"Yeah, Paris gave it to my dads before they sent me off to boarding school when i was six. He never would tell us what he had to do to get it... only that it was morally questionable."</p><p>The three of them laughed for a moment.</p><p>"I thought... such things... were illegal for... vampires? As is flitting... to the mountain." Harkat asked politely. "I mean no offense... just curious."</p><p>"It's alright!" Grace smiled. "Dad justifies it with two reasons. One: I'm not a vampire so their laws don't apply to me. Two: he's a Prince so he does what he wants. I'm not saying it's right, but what are they gonna do? Arrest him?"</p><p>They broke out in laughter once again. Darren hadn't had a good laugh in a couple of weeks. It felt good.</p><p>"I sure wouldn't want to be the one to tell him off! Honestly, I still find your dad super intimidating." Darren admitted with a rueful grin. "But please don't tell him that. I don't want to offend him."</p><p>Grace snorted loudly.</p><p>"Offend him? He'd think it's hilarious."</p><p>Darren frowned.</p><p>"Somehow, that feels worse."</p><p>"How's he doing?" She added, glancing thoughtfully over at Darren.</p><p>"You're asking me?!" Darren replied in alarm. He supposed he was sort of almost becoming friends with Mika at this point, but even though they were equals it was very hard to see Mika as anything but an imposing authority figure. Much less someone he chatted about feelings with.</p><p>"Well, you spend hours with him a day. I get a phone call once a week, so yeah. I'm asking you."</p><p>"It's hard to gauge, honestly." Darren admitted. "I didn't know him before all this."</p><p>"I guess."</p><p>"I think he's doing okay. Really." Darren added gently. "The first few months were rough... I think he struggled. But all of us did."</p><p>"Yeah... He was a mess when he came up to the school to give me the news a few months ago." Gracie replied slowly. "He was open with me about everything. But now, every time I ask him about himself he says he's doing fine and changes the subject."</p><p>"He probably doesn't want you to worry." Said Darren. "But we're kind of settling into a routine now. That helps. And we're really busy. Actually this is the first time in a few weeks I've had a chance to come down here and blow off some steam."</p><p>"You like the bars?" Asked Gracie.</p><p>"They're tricky but I'm starting to enjoy them." Said Darren. "Mr. Crepsley has shown me a couple of moves but he's not as good as Arra. Nobody was. I wish I got a chance to train with her."</p><p>"I trained with Arra all of last summer." Said Gracie with a wry grin. "I was really lucky. Obviously I'm not as good as a vampire would be, but she said I did well for a human."</p><p>"I don't doubt it." Said Darren, grinning back. He picked up a staff of his own. "Let's see what you can do!"</p><p>***</p><p>Harkat Mulds doesn't skip a beat. Earlier, Darren had been practicing on the bars very cautiously. He was getting good, but he was only as good as you could expect a young, inexperienced half-blood to be. After watching both Gracie and Darren for about twenty minutes, Harkat reached a clear conclusion. It wasn't fair to compare them to each other; Darren's vampire blood gave him an advantage, but Gracie was more competent for a human than Darren was for a vampire. So when he began blatantly showing off, Harkat was a more than a little amused.</p><p>This won't end well. Harkat thought to himself as he watched Darren windmilling his staff wildly. He was several levels higher than Grace. Being human, she was forced to respect physical limitations more than Darren so she never went more than ten feet up. Perhaps Darren should have respected his own limits a little more, but hindsight is 20/20.</p><p>Darren was in the zone. He'd never felt so alive. He wished this hall had mirrors so he could see if he looked as badass as he felt up there, leaping from bar to bar as effortlessly as a wildcat. If he was this agile now, just wait til he was fully blooded!</p><p>He recalled seeing something Arra did up here when he'd watched her fight at the Festival. A cool sort of one-handed flip where she launched herself off a bar and pulled herself into another using only the strength in her left arm so she didn't have to let go of her staff.</p><p>Darren decided to give it a shot. What could go wrong?</p><p>"Watch this! I've been practicing!" He hollered down at Grace and Harkat.</p><p>He lined himself up with the bar he wanted to jump to, took a deep breath, and launched. His hand hit its mark, but he vastly overestimated the amount of strength in his left arm. He hung on for about half a second before tumbling to the floor.</p><p>The impact hurt, but not as much as his pride. He was so thoroughly winded all he could do was gasp like a fish as his eyes watered. But that wasn't enough humiliation, the hits just kept coming.</p><p>First there was Harkat running over to him, scolding him like a disgruntled mother hen.</p><p>"Darren, what were you... thinking? You've never... done that! You have no idea... what you're doing!"</p><p>He must've looked like a real mess because he heard Gracie sprinting out of the hall yelling for help at the top of her lungs,</p><p>And then to dump an entire bag of salt into an open wound, it had to be Mika who arrived first. So he was the one who scooped Darren's pitiful frame into his arms and rushed him swiftly up to the Hall of Recovery. Mika seemed enormously inconvenienced by this, Darren couldn't make out all of what his fellow Prince was muttering under his breath, but he distinctly heard "fucking dumbass" before passing out.</p><p>He was only out for a short while, but when he woke up he was nestled on a cot in the Hall of Recovery and Seba was putting his arm in a sling.</p><p>"Ow!" Darren yelped.</p><p>"Hush." Said Seba gently. "You are lucky your arm broke so cleanly! It will heal in no time. But for now, you must keep it still."</p><p>"I broke my arm?" Darren whimpered in dismay. Come to think of it, it did hurt quite a bit.</p><p>"Larten's going to love this." Came a dry voice from the corner. Mika was sitting in a chair there, with his feet propped on the bed looking unimpressed. Gracie was there too. She was sitting at the foot of Darren's cot looking a little bored but faintly amused at the same time. Harkat was sitting next to her, just as worried as earlier.</p><p>Darren cringed. It just had to be Mika. They got alone fine but Darren couldn't help but feel Mika had warmed up to him the least out of all the other Princes so far. He was never unpleasant to Darren but he always got the impression Mika didn't take him seriously.</p><p>"I tried something new on the bars." Darren mumbled. "Didn't pan out."</p><p>"No shit." Mika snorted. Darren sighed resignedly while Gracie chuckled under her breath.</p><p>"You also have a concussion." Said Seba gravely. "My goodness, Darren. How high up the bars did you go?"</p><p>"Uhh... the level six, I think?"</p><p>"It was level eight actually." Grace chipped in nonchalantly.</p><p>"And had you ever done level eight before today?" Mika queried, raising his eyebrow.</p><p>"No." Darren grumbled.</p><p>"So you were showing off." Mika commented scathingly.</p><p>"No!"</p><p>"Right. We all believe you." Said Mika, rolling his eyes. "Well, I'd better get back to work seeing as you'll be useless for the rest of the day, if not the week. I'll be sure to send Larten down here as soon as I find him, so he can tell you what an idiot you are."</p><p>"Thanks..." Darren mumbled.</p><p>"Any time! This is what I live for. Moments like these." Said Mika sardonically. Then he got up and swiftly left the room with a quick nod to Seba. As soon as he was out of earshot, Gracie dissolved into laugher.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Darren! That was just the funniest thing I've seen in months." She laughed mirthfully. "Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he really does think you're a moron."</p><p>"Glad to provide some entertainment." Said Darren with a weary smile.</p><p>"Mika was right..." said Harkat seriously. "You were being... reckless."</p><p>"I was just excited." Said Darren glumly. "I've been so busy doing Prince stuff lately. I finally got a chance to do something fun and I got... carried away."</p><p>"Do not be so hard on yourself." Seba chuckled. "I distinctly recall Sire Ver Leth taking several nasty tumbles from the bars over the years, as all vampires have. In fact, the first time it happened was a result of him trying to teach Arra a trick and it backfired on him rather spectacularly. My gods, that was forever ago! I do not think he was even a General yet at that point! Ironic that Arra mastered the bars better in several months than he did in several decades..."</p><p>Seba had a wistful, distanced look about him as he fondly recited the anecdote. Almost as if he was telling the story for his own amusement rather than theirs. But they enjoyed it nonetheless. Seba sat down on the corner of the cot and treated them to several more stories of recklessness vampires falling off the bars over the centuries. And the four of them laughed until Larten came bursting in half an hour later to serve Darren with the scolding of the decade while Gracie and Harkat sat back and watched like it was the best TV show they'd ever seen.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>If all of the kings had their queens on the throne</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>We would pop champagne and raise a toast</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>To all of the queens who are fighting alone</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Baby, you're not dancin' on your own</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Gracie had low expectations for Christmas in Vampire Mountain that year. Vampires never exactly celebrated the holidays but Mika and Kurda had always done a little something special for her each year. They'd put up a little evergreen tree and decorate it with whatever they could find lying around in the mountain. It wasn't much but they did it with all the love in the world, and she loved them for it.</p><p>This year was so different though. The war was beginning. Everyone was scared. One of her dads had just committed treason of the highest order. Her other dad was a still a broken shell of his former self.</p><p>He was doing his best, and he really did try to be honest with her about how he was feeling but she knew he was always holding something back. Like there was more going on in his head than he ever let on. She understood the reality was that she was the child, he was the parent, and that meant he was always going to feel compelled to be strong for her, to shield her from as much negativity as he could. She supposed he was doing as well as could be expected given the circumstances but she still worried about him. He told her not to, but if there's one thing Ver Leths don't do well, it's take orders from anyone.</p><p>She found herself chatting with Darren Shan on a pretty regular basis. They found common ground in that it felt like nobody ever told them anything.</p><p>"I get why they don't tell me things. I'm just a human. I shouldn't even be here!" She teased him as they enjoyed a meal in the Hall of Khledon Lurt on Christmas Eve. "But you're a Prince! What's with that?"</p><p>The room was mostly empty. Darren had just finished a shift in the Hall of Princes and was grabbing a bite before catching a few hours of sleep and going back to do it all again.</p><p>"I don't even feel like a Prince half the time. But Mr. Crepsley sure does." Darren grumbled. "I mean... sure, everyone respects me. But when they talk about things that actually matter, they barely look at me. They look at him. And it's not just the other Princes. It's the Generals too. It was fine the first few weeks when I was scared shitless at all times but I feel more confident now. If he'd just let me take the wheel I think I'd do okay."</p><p>"It's not enough to think you can do it." Gracie replied with a shrug. "You have to actually do it. If you wait for them to take you seriously, you'll be sitting there for years letting people talk over you. Be so good they can't ignore you. It's in your hands, no one else's. That's the most valuable advice anyone's ever given me."</p><p>Darren smiled ruefully.</p><p>"Did Mika tell you that?"</p><p>"No. Arra." Grace corrected him. "The clan is a man's world, in case you haven't noticed. Dad's never had to deal with anyone trying to talk over him... he wouldn't even know what that feels like. If anyone knows how to fight to be heard, it's Arra. Or it was Arra..."</p><p>"Were you close?" Darren asked gently.</p><p>"Yeah. She sort of always looked out for me. I don't know whether it was because there's so few women in the clan, or because she and my dad were always close. Probably both. But I was really glad to have her. It was nice to have someone to talk to besides my dads. And it was a win for them too. They didn't have to be the ones to explain to me how periods work." She added unconcernedly.</p><p>"Gracie!" Darren yelped, turning red. She rolled her eyes and threw a carrot at him.</p><p>"Don't be such a child."</p><p>"We're almost the same age." Darren countered.</p><p>"Yeah well, you still look like like you're fresh out of daycare." Said Gracie.</p><p>"Rude. I could pass for middle school easily." Darren laughed.</p><p>"Keep telling yourself that, little buddy."</p><p>They were too preoccupied with gently teasing each other to immediately notice when Mika and Larten made their way into the room. Gracie saw them coming first but because they were sitting at opposite sides of the table, Darren had no idea and almost jumped out of his skin when Larten tapped him on the shoulder.</p><p>"Agh! I mean, hi Mr. Crepsley." He said, visibly flustered. Mika and Gracie both smirked.</p><p>"It is Christmas." Said Larten simply.</p><p>"Christmas Eve." Mika corrected him.</p><p>"Is it? We had no idea." Said Darren with a small smile. Mika and Larten both sat down at the table. Larten shot Mika a rather expectant look.</p><p>"Go ahead." Said Mika with a shrug. Larten sighed and looked at Darren.</p><p>"As you know it has been a busy few months in this mountain." Said Larten slowly.</p><p>"I noticed." He grinned.</p><p>"There were a lot of weapons picked up in the tunnels... after the fight. Some were vampaneze and they have been destroyed." Larten added. "But others were discarded by slain vampires."</p><p>Gracie and Darren exchanged a look of confusion.</p><p>"Obviously we didn't pay much attention to the discarded weapons at first with everything that happened after the fight."</p><p>Said Mika matter-of-factly, running his hand through his hair as he often did when deep in thought. "But Seba and his staff have been clearing out storage areas and moving things around to make space for more meeting rooms."</p><p>"What does that have to do with us?" Grace inquired.</p><p>Larten and Mika glanced at each other very briefly.</p><p>"Seba brought us a box of found weapons today... he was going to give them to Vanez to use as training items for the cubs, but he thought a couple of them looked familiar. He wanted to see if we could confirm what he suspected." Said Larten. His voice was calm but it was undercut with... something. Sentimentality? How bizarre. Then the orange haired vampire looked over at Mika with an odd gleam in his eye and said, "You go first."</p><p>Mika sighed and reached into his pocket. He withdrew something long, narrow, and leather-bound.</p><p>"Gracie, this was Arra's. I knew as soon as I saw it. It was her favourite... and I don't have single doubt in my mind she'd be so happy knowing you had it." He said quietly, holding the object out to her. She took it cautiously, then her eyes went wide as she realized what it was. She fumbled with the clasp for a moment before withdrawing a gleaming silver dagger from the leather sheath.</p><p>"Dad, are you serious?!" She yelped as her face lit up. "I can keep this?!"</p><p>Mika smiled wearily.</p><p>"I kind of always wanted to get you your own little dagger but Kurda would've slit my throat with it. He never wanted you to have a vampire weapon." Both Mika and Gracie's faces darkened for a moment. "But Kurda's not here now... and I am. So if you want it, it's all yours." Mika added.</p><p>Darren watched him watch Gracie and immediately realized that his normally moody colleague had a completely different side of him that Darren had never seen before. But it was clear that he loved this human child as though she was his own flesh and blood. He was so much more than an obligatory guardian to her. They were simply family. But Larten's voice suddenly jerked him back to reality.</p><p>"Darren, I have something I would like to give you as well." There was a brittle smile on his thin, scarred face but there was a gravity in his tone that made Darren truly sit up and listen.</p><p>He set an object on the table in front of Darren; it looked very similar to what Mika had given Gracie except it was much bigger. A sword.</p><p>"This belonged to Gavner Purl. It was the first and only sword he ever fought with." Said Larten crisply. "He thought the world of you, Darren. In the short time you knew him, I know he came to think very highly of you. And seeing as you do not yet have your own personal weapon, I thought you might like to carry this one. I hope you never have to use it to fight for your life but Gavner would be honoured to know you are training with it."</p><p>"Mr. Crepsley... this is amazing." Darren gasped. "I can't believe it. I'm honoured."</p><p>"The honour is mine." Said Larten softly. Darren could've sworn he heard his voice crack. This truly was a weird day. "Darren, I told you Gavner was an old friend of mine. And it was the truth. But it was not the whole truth."</p><p>"What do you mean?"</p><p>Larten heaved a long sigh and didn't seem able to look at his young apprentice for a moment.</p><p>"Many decades ago... I found myself alone with an orphan infant. How he came to be an orphan is another matter entirely. I made a choice, and that resulted in me more or less raising Gavner Purl as something of a son..."</p><p>"What?!" Darren yelped, feeling like he'd been struck by lightning.</p><p>"Should we be here for this?" Mika interrupted as he exchanged a bemused look with Gracie.</p><p>"Dad, do you have time to show me how to use the dagger?" Gracie asked Mika pointedly.</p><p>"Yeah. The rest of my night's wide open. Let's go." Mika replied quickly and the two of them got up to leave. "See you both tomorrow. Merry Christmas."</p><p>Darren and Larten watched their retreating backs for a moment.</p><p>"I am glad you found a friend here, Darren." Said Larten gently. "I know this has been a difficult transitional period for you and I must admit I have been struggling as well. I miss them both quite terribly... Gavner and Arra."</p><p>"I didn't know them very long, but I miss them so much." Said Darren, fighting back the tears that were suddenly burning behind his eyes. "They should be here."</p><p>"They are." Said Larten encouragingly. "I firmly believe they are. When Mika and I picked up those old weapons earlier... I can't explain it. It was like we felt them. And we both knew immediately what we had to do."</p><p>"Thank you, Mr. Crepsley. This means more to me than you could possibly know." Darren gulped, trying to smile.</p><p>"I think I know. Now, let me finish the story of Gavner Purl. I hope you do not have any plans for the evening, because I wish to do it proper justice. Are you ready?"</p><p>"I'm ready!"</p><p>"Did I ever tell you I lived in the city of Paris once? There was this incredible woman named Alicia..."</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Disobey me, then baby, it's off with your head</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Gonna' change it and make it a world you won't forget</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>No damsel in distress, don't need to save me</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Once I start breathin' fire, you can't tame me</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>And you might think I'm weak without a sword</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>But I'm stronger than I ever was before</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>By the next day, Darren had forgotten all about Christmas. The stories Mr. Crepsley told him had sent his mind spinning and it hasn't stopped since. He told his young apprentice everything, including the parts he would've be been happier being oblivious to - but was honoured to know about them nonetheless. Gavner, Alicia, Sylva, Tanish, and Wester... those seemed more like fictional characters than real people. Characters in the incredible story that was Larten's life. And yet Darren knew he'd only just learned the tip of the iceberg. He was still processing all of it, how much his mentor had been through. How much he'd experienced.</p><p>That's what he was thinking about when he walked through the Hall of Princes the next day. Like I said, he'd forgotten all about the fact that it was Christmas Day. But that didn't last long.</p><p>"What the hell is that?!" He yelped as he stopped in his tracks. He knew WHAT it was, it was a Christmas tree. But what it was doing here was beyond him.</p><p>"You are late." Said Larten bluntly as Darren ran to the front of the hall. All the other Princes were already there, along with Seba, Larten, Harkat, Gracie, and Vanez.</p><p>"Easy, Larten... it's Christmas." Said Paris with a warm chuckle.</p><p>"We are still conducting business as usual. Just because we dragged a tree in from the forest is no excuse to be tardy." Larten scoffed.</p><p>Darren let out a whoop of laughter as he inspected the tree. It was a massive evergreen, decked with what was clearly the finest decorations Vampire Mountain had to offer: animal skulls, old weapons, garlands made of dusty twine and dried grass, and apparently whatever else they could find in the storage room. There even seemed to be cobwebs sprinkled like tinsel. It seemed the tree had been ripped straight out of the ground, it wasn't in any sort of a holder. It simply sat upright on the floor, on the heavy clump of soil to which its roots were still firmly attached.</p><p>"My staff are going to have their work cut out for them cleaning this up. Silly of me, I assumed the tree would be cut down neatly rather than yanked clean out of the ground." Seba remarked drily. There did seem to be a trail of mud leading up the aisle.</p><p>"Well, you sent Arrow and Vanez to the forest to get it." Mika snorted. "I don't know what you expected. The blind leading the... complete lack of foresight. No offence."</p><p>"Okay, Mika. I'd love to talk about all of YOUR mental shortcomings but we simply do not have the time." Arrow responded peevishly. But there was a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth and a warmth in his eyes.</p><p>"...Who's idea was this?!" Darren gasped, looking up at the tree in astonishment. Mika and Larten exchanged a furtive look but didn't say anything.</p><p>"Mine!" Arrow boomed.</p><p>"You have been through things no child should go through." Said Larten sombrely.</p><p>"Between being drowned, set on fire, drowned again, promoted to a job you're way under-qualified for because the only alternative was being impaled... it's fair to say you've had a rough time." Said Mika to Darren. "And your other dad's a war criminal." He added to Gracie.</p><p>"Your lives may be very different from each other but the hard truth is that for better or worse, you are both here because of the choices made by adult vampires. You did not ask to bear witness to this violence, or the coming war. But you are, and it is not lost on us that it is incredibly unfair." Said Larten quietly and there was a very strange look in his eyes that tugged at Darren's heartstrings.</p><p>"So we got you a Christmas tree to make up for it. Because that's totally an equal trade-off." Mika added, as though eager to end the conversation. He also had a bit of a misty expression but was hiding it with more success than Larten.</p><p>"They used to put up a little tree for me every year." Said Gracie. "But this is the first time anyone's ever yanked a thirty-foot spruce right out of the ground, roots and all. I'm impressed. And all the skulls are a nice touch."</p><p>"Only the best for you, Princess." Said Mika lightly, and she laughed.</p><p>They laughed a lot that day, all of them. They hadn't gone so far as to cancel the many meetings and conferences that were taking place in preparation for the war, but they did finish things off a little earlier than they otherwise would have. Seba had the guards bring trays of delicious hot food up into the Hall of Princes so nobody had to stay behind and guard the place alone. So they ate, they drank, they laughed some more, and for a few hours they thought of something besides the war.</p><p>Towards the end of the night, Harkat asked to hold Gavner's sword and Darren let him. He tried to show him a maneuver but failed terribly and dropped the thing on the floor. Larten cringed, and Gracie intervened. She didn't know much but she'd listened to every word Mika said to her at their brief training session last summer. Between that and Darren's moral support, it was enough to get Harkat started.</p><p>"If I may speak candidly, I still cannot believe you adopted a human child and actually raised it successfully. Sire." Larten commented drily as he sat in Vancha's empty throne beside Mika.</p><p>"Why are you so surprised? When have I ever failed at anything?" Mika replied offhandedly.</p><p>"Surely it could not have been easy." Said Larten.</p><p>"Oh, it wasn't. Hardest thing I've ever done." Mika shrugged.</p><p>"I imagine your title comes with certain privileges that helped, though." Larten added.</p><p>"If I wasn't a Prince, I wouldn't have even tried." Mika admitted. "Prior to this, if any other vampire had the nerve to bring an infant human back to the mountain... I would've laughed myself off my throne. But yes, I was lucky. I'm not saying it was the greatest idea I've ever had but I don't regret it. I can't explain it... I just knew we couldn't leave her behind."</p><p>Larten raised an eyebrow.</p><p>"I know that feeling well. I regret not accepting my promotion to Prince all those years ago. Perhaps then Darren would not have been sentenced to a series of gruesome trials in order to be accepted here." He commented crisply. Mika whipped around sharply to shoot Larten a reproachful glare.</p><p>"First of all, you wouldn't have met Darren if you became a Prince because there's no way in hell you would've had enough free time to work a side job with a travelling circus." Mika retorted. Larten rolled his eyes. "Second of all, you didn't adopt a defenceless orphan like I did. You took a perfectly safe child from a loving family and blooded him. I don't wanna have that trial again but I think you're smart enough to see the differences between our situations. Don't forget, Gracie doesn't have a drop of vampire blood. She's not the same as Darren. There's no comparison to be drawn here."</p><p>"You are right. I spoke out of turn. Please accept my apologies, Sire." Said Larten stiffly.</p><p>"No hard feelings, Quicksilver. You're amusing when you get an attitude." Mika chuckled.</p><p>"Do you have plans to blood her?" Larten asked in an undertone after a thoughtful pause.</p><p>"I definitely don't have plans to." Said Mika heavily. "I've told her it's ultimately her choice. And if she wanted me to, I would. AFTER she reaches adulthood and can understand the full range of consequences." He added with a very pointed glance at Larten.</p><p>"I thought we were not having that trial again." Larten huffed.</p><p>At that moment, Gracie and Darren rejoined them. Darren sat down tiredly on the steps; he normally sat in Vancha's throne but it was occupied by Larten who seemed in no hurry to get up. Gracie propped herself on Mika's arm rest like she used to as a small child - she still almost fit.</p><p>"Are you sure you haven't been participating in an illegal secret sword fighting ring on weekends?" Mika asked her casually. "That was pretty impressive for only doing it once for two hours a few months ago."</p><p>"I've been watching you for years." She replied. "I pick up on things."</p><p>Mika smiled, and for a moment Darren could've sworn he saw some moisture glitter in his eyes.</p><p>"Of all the kids I could've gotten stuck with, I'm glad it was you." He told her softly.</p><p>"Of all the vampires that could've smuggled me back to this place and fumbled their way through raising me, I'm glad it was you." She replied. "Also, you know what I've really always wanted is a full-sized sword, right?"</p><p>"Trust me, I'm aware." Mika chuckled. "I only gave you a dagger because it's easy to sneak to your dorm. I'll find you a real sword and you can start learning properly next summer."</p><p>She grinned happily, and leaned her head against his shoulder. Darren heard Mika add under his breath, "And don't worry, it'll be bigger than Darren's."</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>In chess, the king can move one space at a time</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>But queens are free to go wherever they like</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>You get too close, you'll get a royalty high</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>So breathe it in to feel alive</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The end! Chapter 5 is in the works. I'm going to try to update once a week, give or take a couple days. We'll see how that goes! Once again I have TONS of segments of future chapters written so don't worry! I'm NOT flaking on this story!</p><p>We're at over 11000 words for this chapter, y'all. Please leave a comment!</p><p>Thanks for being on this adventure with me! Cheers.</p><p>- Roxy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Easy On Yourself</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Remember the days when your laughter was meant<br/>Remember the days when you did what you said<br/>You're counting the days til you get high again<br/>Chill out, be easy on yourself</p><p>***</p><p>Suddenly it's been a year since That Time K*rda Tried To Kill Everyone. Arrow finds himself in need of advice on how to talk to girls. Mika is baffled but nonetheless glad for a distraction from his own problems. Thousands of miles away, Kurda unexpectedly finds a new home. At least now he can sit indoors while he tortures himself with memories of happier times.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ahh I'm back guys! Here is chapter 5! I've had a lot going on with work and life this week so I feel like it's a little all over the place but I absolutely promise there's a lot of action in the future. Uhhh idk what else to say here, Arrow gets some time in the spotlight and and we see what the hell Kurda's up to so yeehaw I guess. Yes, I'm starting to do a Romance Thing for Arrow. He deserves it. Let him have this - it won't be a prominent feature in this story but I may do separate things with it in the future. </p><p>Chapter 5: Easy On Yourself</p><p>Song: Yo Hello Hooray by Ubiquitous Synergy Seeker</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <strong>Start panicking, turn into a mannequin</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Take a breath now, ahh, begin again</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Open your eyes please</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Turn your smile on</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Realign with now as well</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>You start freaking out</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Wishing you were peaking out</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Hold it together now</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Instead of leaking out</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Turn your smile on</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Turn your smile up bright</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Today marked eleven months since the night Kurda walked out of Vampire Mountain. It felt like a lifetime ago now. Today also marked one month until Mika was set to depart from the mountain with a strike team of carefully chosen vampires who would fight at his side as the clan began to launch an offence upon the vampaneze legions.</p><p>The only problem was, he hadn't chosen his team yet. Obviously he wanted Arrow in his crew; they'd always been better together but Paris gently discouraged it and ultimately they agreed. It made more sense to divide and conquer. It would be a waste of strength to have two Princes travelling in the same company. He asked Larten but wasn't surprised when he said he needed to remain in the mountain with Darren. Arra would've been another easy choice. The pain of losing Kurda was dulling to a quiet ache, but as Mika went down the list of potential candidates the realization that Arra's name wasn't there, and never would be again... that was a whole different pain and it was fresh and ready to take over.</p><p>He drank with Larten a lot that year. They'd always gotten along well but they'd never been close the way Mika and Arrow were, or Larten and Vancha. They had enough in common but true friendship had never entirely blossomed between them. Larten had always thought Mika was a compulsive, moody, conceited overachiever. Mika had always thought Larten was an impulsive, persnickety, hotheaded flake. Neither of them were entirely wrong.</p><p>They were each very successful in their own right, technically both of them had achieved the highest honour any vampire can hope for. Even though Larten turned his investiture down, he'd still gotten a formal nomination and won the vote by a landslide (as Mika had years before). The stars had lined up for him and then at the last minute Larten said "no thanks". Mika never could figure that one out.</p><p>But recent years had humbled them; the overachiever and the flake. There wasn't a single vampire in the mountain who hadn't felt any combination of loss, shock, confusion, and fear in those eleven months. But none more so than Mika Ver Leth or Larten Crepsley.</p><p>Oh, except maybe Darren Shan.</p><p>Mika had to hand it to the kid. They really hadn't wanted to execute him, so they figured it would be a bonus if he turned out to be a half-decent Vampire Prince. But he blew their expectations out of the water. The first few months were rough. Larten was overbearing, and Darren was understandably cautious after everything he'd been through. Mika had to admit that sometimes he forgot the kid was even there. When he spoke to the other Princes, his eyes travelled down the line from Paris, to Arrow, to Larten. And then back to Darren as an afterthought - if it occurred to him.</p><p>The turning point had occurred shortly after Christmas. They'd been in a six hour conference after a rumour of the Vampaneze Lord's whereabouts had reached the mountain. It was just a rumour but it was the most they'd had yet. So there was six hours of discussion between all the Princes and everyone else that was still in the mountain. Six hours of yelling and arguing and anecdotes and tangents and general nonsense. As they approached the seventh hour, things were pretty dire. Paris was looking pale - his stamina just wasn't what it used to be but he ignored Mika's repeated telepathic messages urging him to go take a nap. Arrow's attention span expired after hour five and was playing with his ring while staring at the ceiling with glassy eyes. Darren's eyes darted around the room but he hadn't said much. Not like he could get a word in edgewise when Larten had a strong opinion on everything. Mika was exhausted but doing his best to carry the meeting, to keep everyone semi-on topic.</p><p>And then finally out of nowhere came Darren's voice, as clear as a bell:</p><p>"Has it occurred to anyone that the vampaneze might've spread the rumour on purpose to lead us on a wild goose chase? Don't you think this was a little too convenient?"</p><p>And the whole room went dead silent and everyone just stared at him. No, it hadn't occurred to anyone else. But they sure were thinking about it now.</p><p>Mika shot Darren a look, but for the first time in recent memory it wasn't one of polite exasperation. It was a "good on you" look.</p><p>To be fair, Mika recalled a comment Gracie had made in passing, shortly before she left the mountain and returned to school.</p><p>"Darren's actually got some good ideas. I know he looks like a little kid, but don't forget he's my age. You should take him at least somewhat seriously. Maybe you all need a fresh perspective."</p><p>"He's got a throne next to mine, Gracie. How much more seriously could we take him?" Had been Mika's reply. But she'd been right. She often was. She may have been a spectator to the vampire world, but make no mistake. At any given time she knew exactly what was going on.</p><p>Darren got more confident after all that. Once he got used to talking over Larten, there was no stopping him. Larten was headstrong and stubborn but he was also beyond fucking proud of that shrimpy little kid, so their relationship didn't suffer. It just felt like they now had five Princes in the mountain.</p><p>Mika figured the more Princes the merrier, because he had to focus his mental resources elsewhere for the time being. He needed to assemble his travelling company. He'd spent quite a few hours in the sporting halls lately, quietly evaluating the current batch of trainees. There were a lot of them; many young vampires had chosen to remain in the mountain after Council concluded. They knew this war would be like nothing they'd ever seen before and they were eager to prove themselves.</p><p>And hopefully not die trying, Mika thought to himself.</p><p>He was perched atop on one of the high wooden bleachers that lined the biggest of the sparring rings. He tried not to make his presence too obvious. He didn't want them to get nervous knowing a Prince was assessing them. Vanez was running sword drills with one of the groups that rotated through the variety of different practice stations. Vanez, of course, had almost entirely gotten back to his old self and he was becoming more confident by the day. Even without eyes he was a fearsome opponent and sent at least one cub up to the medics every day. Mika loved that for him.</p><p>Mika was focused so intently on a cub named Arlo Bracken. So far he was the most promising candidate. He was currently duelling Jakob Wiles who was also more than decent. Mika scribbled both their names down on his clipboard along with a few notes. Most of his travelling companions would be younger vampires, rather than Generals. The goal was not to concentrate too much power and skill in one place in order to maximize efficiency. Therefore the toughest vampires in the clan would be kept separate for the most part.</p><p>This made total sense to Mika but it was still causing him a bit of trepidation. Whoever he chose, he'd be stuck with for years. He didn't really know many of the younger vampires; when he took the time to train the up-and-comers he tended to focus on the best and brightest. And the best and brightest would be off leading their own troops.</p><p>That's what Mika was thinking about when Arrow abruptly plunked down beside him with great purpose.</p><p>"Mika..." said Arrow. There was a note of discontent in his voice but Mika was completely focused on the cubs so he merely replied with a soft hum to acknowledge Arrow's presence.</p><p>"Mika!" Arrow tried again, more urgently.</p><p>"Arrow." Mika sighed, finally tearing his eyes from the sparring ring to face his friend. To his alarm, Arrow's face was full of anxiety and his entire posture was much more tense than usual.</p><p>"What's wrong?" Mika added.</p><p>Arrow inhaled shakily and Mika's concern heightened. He'd just seen him six hours ago, before going to bed. What could have possibly happened in that timeframe?</p><p>"I had sex." Arrow gulped at last.</p><p>"Oh... wow. Okay." Said Mika slowly, needing a second or two to process that. He didn't know what he'd been expecting but that wasn't it. "And are we... glad about that?" He ventured cautiously.</p><p>Arrow shook his head and looked even more agitated.</p><p>"No... I don't think so? I don't know! Oh gods..." He groaned, massaging his temples in clear distress.</p><p>"I see. Let's take some deep breaths, shall we?" Mika suggested calmly.</p><p>"Every time I've ever told you to do that, you've just about bitten my arm off." Arrow grumbled.</p><p>"Yeah, well it's a lot easier when I'm not the one going off the deep end." Mika replied politely. "So, do you have feelings for Kaden?"</p><p>Arrow did a double-take.</p><p>"How'd you know it was Kaden?"</p><p>"She's the only vampiress in the mountain right now, A." Said Mika. "And unless there's something you're not telling me, I recall you preferring women."</p><p>"I thought the same about you for a very long time." Arrow replied drily.</p><p>"I was just as surprised by that development as you were. I think it might've been a case-specific exception for me." Mika mused in a similar tone. It was true, he'd never taken a second glance at any man before Kurda. He supposed that meant he was bisexual, but truthfully he hadn't given much thought to the label.</p><p>"But we're not talking about me here. Gods know we've had enough of that to last a lifetime. This is all about you, so let's hear it." Mika added.</p><p>Arrow sighed heavily.</p><p>"So, last night... I was hungry and I wanted to go up to the hall of Khledon Lurt to eat. You'd already gone to bed. So I went with Vanez, and we we ate and drank for like an hour or so, then she came up after being in the Hall of Baker Wrent all night. And her hair was all messy and she was carrying a broadsword... you know I've always liked those."</p><p>"Of course."</p><p>"She'd been practicing with it against Yebba but she thought the balance felt off. She thought maybe the blade was warped. Vanez and I looked at it - well, I looked. Vanez felt. But it ended up just being a little loose. Anyway, I told her I had an extra one in my locker down in the armoury that she could try out if she wanted."</p><p>"I swear, Arrow, if you got down and dirty in the sporting halls after you never let me live it down..." Mika snorted.</p><p>"No." Arrow grunted. "I'm not as much of a degenerate as you. We just sparred. And drank. And sparred some more."</p><p>"Sparring and drinking, what could go wrong?"</p><p>"Well, she tripped and her blade caught me across my arm and left a bit of a slice. She was horrified but I just laughed it off because she's been the only General that's been able to draw blood from me in the last ten years. And she wasn't even trying to."</p><p>"Ahh." Said Mika with a small smile. Only in Arrow's world would that be considered a turn-on.</p><p>"Then she offered to help me get cleaned up since all the medics had gone to bed. And like the total idiot I am, I told her to come back to my cell because I have some first-aid stuff there." Arrow continued, his face falling even more.</p><p>"Famous last words." Mika remarked.</p><p>"That about sums it up." Said Arrow solemnly. "Gods, it was so bad."</p><p>"You were, or she was?"</p><p>"No, not that kind of bad... she was great."</p><p>"So you were bad, then?"</p><p>"I thought I did okay, all things considered."</p><p>"So what was so bad about it?" Mika sighed.</p><p>"When it was over... we were just lying there in my coffin." Arrow began slowly. "And she kind of leaned in... and kissed me."</p><p>"That sounds nice."</p><p>"That was when I started crying."</p><p>"Oh. Yikes."</p><p>"Yeah. She looked mortified and I can't blame her. She asked if I wanted to talk about it." Arrow continued, cringing.</p><p>"I'm guessing you didn't want to talk about it." Said Mika.</p><p>"I told her I needed some space." Arrow affirmed, looking sadly down at his hands.</p><p>Mika quietly thought about all of that for several minutes.</p><p>"So you felt bad afterwards, obviously. Did you feel bad during?" He asked.</p><p>"No... it seemed like a good idea at the time." Said Arrow woefully. He was rubbing his temples again.</p><p>Mika nodded and maintained another few moments of silent contemplation.</p><p>"How old would Sarah be now?" He asked gently.</p><p>Arrow closed his eyes.</p><p>"165... she'd be 165."</p><p>Mika sighed.</p><p>"She never, ever had any intention of letting you blood her into the clan, did she?" He inquired.</p><p>"No. That was one thing she was always certain of. And I respected it completely."</p><p>"Arrow, look at me." Said Mika firmly.</p><p>Arrow obliged, but with guilt and sadness clouding his face.</p><p>"I'm going to say a few words and you're not going to like them. You can yell at me if you want, or storm away. I won't mind. But you need to hear it, and no one else is going to say it. So I will." Said Mika bluntly. "Even if her life hadn't been cut short... even if she'd made it a ripe old age, she wouldn't still be here today."</p><p>Mika watched patiently as Arrow's face cycled through about a thousand different emotions, ranging from fury to shock to bewilderment and finally settling on a bizarre mixture of disappointment and guilt.</p><p>"I know that..." Arrow exhaled. "I do. I just... fuck, Mika. I loved her so much. She was everything. When I was with her, I never pictured my life after her. I never pictured coming back to the clan, much less taking a throne. And I definitely didn't picture ever being with anyone else. I feel like I'm letting her down."</p><p>"She'd want you to be happy. I didn't know her well, but I know that much. The way she looked at you... at that point in my life, I'd never seen anyone look at anything like that." Said Mika decisively. "I know she was the great love of your life. That'll never change. Not even if you participate in recreational sex with someone you enjoy spending time with. I promise. Don't be too hard on yourself."</p><p>Arrow bowed his head and pressed his palms into his face for several long minutes and Mika refocused his attention on the sparring cubs.</p><p>"For fuck's sake..." Arrow moaned once he'd resurfaced. "How do you handle my issues so easily when you're such a mess yourself?"</p><p>"Same reason you scraped me off the floor the night he left." Mika replied flatly. "Someone has to. Because we're both such fucking disasters, no one can handle us but each other. There's way too many people counting on us for the both of us to be dumpster fires at the same time. We have to take turns."</p><p>"Yeah..." Arrow sighed resignedly, then he shot Mika a wayward smile. "What am I going to do without you for however many years these missions turn out to be?"</p><p>"Make bad choices, probably." Said Mika. "But with that said... I don't think you made a bad choice last night. If it bothers you that much, keep your distance from her. But if it made you even a little bit happy... that's worth something."</p><p>"Oh gods, I don't know..."</p><p>"I'm not saying go fall in love and get married. But if you enjoyed it... and Kaden enjoyed it... maybe see if she'd want to do it again sometime." Mika suggested gently. "It doesn't have to be complicated or serious. But you deserve a bit of happiness."</p><p>Arrow gently squeezed Mika's shoulder.</p><p>"If I deserve it, then so do you. A thousand times over."</p><p>"Right now I'm content with just existing. One day at a time." Mika replied.</p><p>"You've come a long way in eleven months." Said Arrow very seriously.</p><p>Mika thought about that. He didn't like to remember the amounts of blood, sweat, tears, and hard liquor it had taken to get back to a place where he could be what the clan needed him to be.</p><p>A week after the exile, he conquered the first hurdle: he went back to work, thinking the worst was behind him. The first day was rocky but he made it through and figured it'd be all uphill from there. But as Arrow warned him, grief isn't linear. That level of grief is being strapped blindfolded to a rollercoaster that's on fire. The first three months were the worst. There were good days and bad days. On the good days he worked hard; hard enough so that he could fall asleep without the aid of alcohol or a sedative or both. On the bad days he could barely get out of his coffin. And if he did manage to go interact with others, he was hostile, explosive, and impossible to work with.</p><p>December rolled around, marking three months since the exile and Arrow told him out of the blue,</p><p>"If you're still planning on letting Gracie come home for Christmas break like always, you need to pull yourself together otherwise she'll be better off sitting alone in her dorm for the holiday. Even if you have to fake it for two weeks, she can't see you like this. I'm only telling you this because I love you: get your shit together."</p><p>Those words hit home like a lightning strike and Mika took them to heart. He achieved an entirely new level of 'fake it til you make it' when he finally took all that anger, shock, and heartbreak and turned it into a harsh new strength he could channel into protecting the clan. He didn't know if he'd ever again feel at home on that throne like he used to. He wasn't sure if he deserved to. The "what-ifs" ate him alive. What if he'd put his foot down and demanded more information from Kurda? What if he'd left the mountain and tracked him on one of his "business trips" like he wanted to do so many times, but refused to play the role of the controlling partner because surely Kurda would never do anything nefarious? What if he hadn't ignored the gut feeling that had been overshadowed by love - that in hindsight felt more like denial? What if? What if? What if?</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Remember the days when your laughter was meant</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Remember the days when you did what you said</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>You're counting the days til you get high again</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Chill out, be easy on yourself</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>FAR, FAR AWAY FROM VAMPIRE MOUNTAIN:</strong>
</p><p>As far as vampires go, Kurda had never been much of a party animal. He'd been known to get tipsy on wine but most of the time he preferred to keep his wits about him. Save for extra special occasions, of course. Then there were vampires like Arrow, Vanez, and of course Mika who'd take any excuse to chug liquor like it was going out of style.</p><p>Admittedly, Kurda used to roll his eyes at Mika and his love of revelry. But at one point it dawned on Kurda that constantly being down to party was sort of Mika's love language with the rest of the clan. On duty, he was aloof and detached. But when he let loose with his fellow vampires, he saw it as an opportunity to connect with them. In turn, they trusted and respected him all the more. And best of all, he had fun doing it.</p><p>But that had never worked for Kurda. Maybe it was because every time he got slightly intoxicated he ended up starting an argument with every vampire in earshot, or maybe it was because he couldn't hold his liquor worth a damn and somehow always ended up with a debilitating hangover that rendered him completely useless the following day. Undoubtedly, he was a bit of a lightweight by vampire standards. But among humans? He was a machine.</p><p>Kurda was in the right place at the right time that night. A very rich and very drunk businessman was loudly complaining about the fact that he had to fly here just for the weekend to sign some papers and put his recently deceased mother's seaside cottage up for sale. He didn't seem to feel this was going to be worth the effort it required. He was sitting on the bar stool next to Kurda, who was trying not to listen.</p><p>"I mean, look at this!" The man ranted, pulling out a cell phone and brandishing it in Kurda's face. "It may be quaint but it's barely worth my quarterly salary! I could've closed three multimillion-dollar deals in the time I've been here. But I practically need to stand on the god damned roof to get a signal! What my mother saw in this frozen wasteland I'll never understand. Bah!"</p><p>Kurda rolled his eyes but glanced down at the photo on the phone screen. He immediately recognized the place, he walked past it all the time. It was on the way out of town, on the route he took every time he walked to the women's shelter to volunteer. It was a beautiful little cottage.</p><p>Kurda swivelled on the barstool to look at the man directly, quirking an eyebrow as he did so.</p><p>"I'll take it off your hands for ya." Said Kurda. He wasn't drunk, not even close. But he purposely put a distinct slur into his words. He had an idea so ridiculous it just might work.</p><p>"You don't even look like you can afford that coke and whiskey!" The man hooted. Kurda smiled thinly.</p><p>"I never said I'd pay up front in cash." Kurda smirked. "But you seem to think you're wasting your own time simply by being here. And if what you said about closing deals is true, you're losing more money by sitting in this bar than you'll ever make by selling your mother's beautiful cottage, God rest her soul."</p><p>He almost slipped and said "gods" in plural. It felt like forever, but he really hadn't been away from the vampire clan all that long. Although he doubted his drunk companion would've noticed.</p><p>"So what're you getting at?" Asked the man shrewdly. Kurda smiled unassumingly and blinked a few times to make himself appear much drunker than he was.</p><p>"Hmmm... let me think." He mumbled, scratching his head thoughtfully. "Ah! I've got it! You look like a man who can handle your whiskey. Go shot for shot with me. Last man standing... keeps the keys to that cottage."</p><p>"You? You look like a right Barbie Doll!" The man guffawed. "Just one shot will have you on the floor!"</p><p>"I guess you have nothing to worry about, then. And win or lose, it'll be on my tab." Said Kurda with a mischievous wink. The bartender chuckled quietly. Kurda had become one of his regulars and he knew exactly how well Kurda could handle his liquor. To reiterate once again, Kurda may have been a notorious lightweight where he was from... but he was a long way from home now. The nearest vampire was thousands of miles away.</p><p>"You have a deal!" Snorted the businessman raucously. And they shook on it.</p><p>"Nathan! Line 'em up!" Kurda hollered with a wave at the still-laughing bartender. Nathan obliged, and away they went.</p><p>Kurda had never been a whiskey drinker. That was Mika's thing. Kurda thought it tasted like gasoline which was fine by Mika because he didn't like to share his bottles of the fine rare stuff.</p><p>Kurda couldn't explain why he gravitated to the dark, burning liquid these days. It's not that it tasted any better than before. He supposed it just reminded him of Mika. But why he sought out that reminder every time he sat down on those bar stools was a mystery to him.</p><p>He took down the first shot of whiskey and for a second he was back in Vampire Mountain...</p><p>
  <strong>SIX YEARS AGO:</strong>
</p><p>Kurda's relationship with Mika was still fresh and new. It was just another quiet night after a long day of work. He'd been outside mapping the base of the mountain all day and Mika had been training General prospects. When Kurda finally caught up with his newly-designated other half, Mika was throwing back shots of whiskey with Arrow. The two Princes were sitting at their table in the Hall of Khledon Lurt, and they had three General prospects with them. The Princes hadn't just invited these young vampires out of hospitality. It was a test run to see if they could hang with the big dogs, to put it poetically. It was always interesting to see how the up-and-comers behaved in the presence of their Princes in a more casual atmosphere. Mika felt it said a lot about them, and Arrow was always glad for a reason to drink.</p><p>Mika's serious face broke into a fleeting smile the second he saw Kurda across the room, and Kurda felt his heart swell. He made his way over and sat down beside the dark-clad Prince.</p><p>"General Smahlt." Mika greeted him. Neither of them were into PDA but Mika paired those two words with a quick grin and a nod which, to be perfectly honest, was just as sexy as if he'd kissed Kurda in front of anyone. Probably sexier, even.</p><p>"Sire Ver Leth." Kurda smirked back.</p><p>They didn't engage in too much direct conversation with each other. Instead they made upbeat small talk with Arrow and the three would-be-Generals. Mika offered Kurda some whiskey as usual, and Kurda politely declined in favour of a simple glass of water. He sipped his water and smiled and laughed along with the others as they went shot for shot. But then an hour went by and they were still at it. Kurda got bored. So when Mika poured himself another shot, Kurda neatly swiped it out of his hand and took it down himself.</p><p>"So that's how it is?" Mika laughed, pouring himself another.</p><p>"You all drink this shit like it's the nectar of the gods." Said Kurda. "Surely I must be missing out on something great. It has to be an acquired taste."</p><p>"Judging by your face, I'd say not." Mika countered. It was true, Kurda had cringed dramatically as he swallowed the liquid.</p><p>"Must've had a bad one. Maybe this one will taste better." Kurda shrugged, grabbing the bottle and refilling the shot glass as Mika watched in amusement.</p><p>So that was how Kurda ended up going shot for shot with Mika, Arrow, and three other vampires who all had considerably more body weight than he did. The whiskey absolutely didn't taste any better as he went along, but after a while his taste buds sort of stopped working so that was a bonus. Which was all well and good until he woke up many hours later with a splitting headache and a churning stomach.</p><p>"Oh my gods..." he whimpered pitifully as he opened his eyes and realized he was lying on the floor with his head in Mika's lap. "What the hell did I do?"</p><p>"What didn't you do, babe?" Came Mika's reply. His voice was soft but undercut with clear exasperation. "Do you remember trying to go shot for shot with us?"</p><p>"Sort of..." Kurda groaned. "Shit... is it tomorrow?!"</p><p>"Well it's today, but you slept for 8 hours so by Kurda time, yes. It's tomorrow." Said Mika with a quiet chuckle. He was slowly running his fingers through Kurda's hair.</p><p>"What smells?" Kurda groaned.</p><p>"Probably the pile of my clothes in the corner that you threw up on." Mika replied wryly.</p><p>"Oh no..."</p><p>"Oh yes."</p><p>"Were you... wearing them? When it happened?"</p><p>"Mmhm. This is why we're lying on the floor and not in my coffin. Not risking that silk lining for anything."</p><p>"Fuck, Mika... I'm so sorry."</p><p>"Don't worry about it. I've been a hot mess plenty of times. You're just never awake to see it because you always go to bed at least four hours before the parties start winding down."</p><p>Kurda smiled up at him weakly.</p><p>"You think I'm still hot?"</p><p>Mika sighed, and smiled too.</p><p>"Yes, Kurda. Even when you're puking all over me, or getting into fights about vampaneze treaties, or falling off the benches... I still think you're the hottest thing I've ever seen in my life."</p><p>"I did all that?" Kurda yelped, cringing.</p><p>"You were a one-man shit show." Mika smirked ruefully. "Luckily you're light enough that I can pick you up and carry you away when you're getting yourself into trouble. Otherwise you might've wound up with a broken nose. You were getting pretty sassy with Terrance and Edward so I stepped in. They're a lot bigger than you."</p><p>"Fuck..." Kurda moaned.</p><p>"No judgement. Been there, done that." Said Mika matter-of-factly. "I mean, I usually win my fights... but that's irrelevant."</p><p>"Yet you said it anyway." Kurda grunted. "Oh gods.. I'm going to puke again. If you want to leave, you have five seconds at most."</p><p>Mika rolled his eyes and reached out for the bucket he'd clearly left conveniently close by, in case of situations like this.</p><p>"You know I'm here for the good, the bad, and the ugly. Although I'll admit, this is ugly if I've ever seen it."</p><p>"I thought you said I was hot..." Kurda gulped. He lurched upright, leaned over the bucket and heaved miserably until there was nothing left.</p><p>"Hot was last night when you were trying to get me in the coffin to do unspeakably dirty things to you." Mika snorted. "I politely declined though. You'd already thrown up on me at that point."</p><p>"This gets better and better..." Kurda croaked sarcastically, shoving the bucket away and laying back down in Mika's lap. Mika laughed quietly and resumed stroking his hair.</p><p>"I don't know how you drink whiskey. If I ever so much as smell it again, I'm going to shrivel up and die." Kurda whimpered after several minutes.</p><p>"Is that not what you're doing right now?" Mika chuckled. "Anyway, don't ever feel like you have to prove something to us. Seriously, Kurda. I don't care if you drink whiskey or water or anything in between. As long as you're sitting at my table, I'll be happy."</p><p>
  <strong>PRESENT DAY:</strong>
</p><p>Kurda still hated the taste of whiskey, but he wished Mika could've been there to see him triumphantly slam down that final shot before his human drinking companion projectile-vomited all over the bar. The bartender swore angrily but Kurda whooped in delight and jovially patted the other man on the back.</p><p>"I'll take those keys now." Said the blond ex-General lightly. It was all the other man could to to dig them out of his pocket and throw them in Kurda's vague direction before tumbling off the stool.</p><p>"Seriously, Kyle?" The bartender groaned as Kurda walked away triumphantly.</p><p>"Just put it on my tab!" Kurda called over his shoulder. "You know I'll be back. And now, you know where to find me!" He added, jingling the keys. Time to go check out his new home.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>You stop choosing it</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Suddenly you're losing it</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Give it a kiss now</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Instead of bruising it</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>More than a mean fear</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Pieces whole here</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Let the past go boys and girl</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>You start stressing out</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Time to learn a lesson, doubts</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Not in your jeans, so please stop your guessing bout</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Turn your smile on</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Turn your smile up bright</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>BACK AT VAMPIRE MOUNTAIN:</strong>
</p><p>Mika wasn't entirely shocked to hear Arrow and Kaden had a spontaneous thing. But he also hadn't necessarily been expecting it either. He knew Arrow was fiercely devoted to Sarah's memory and Mika wouldn't have been surprised if Arrow never sought out another partner for the rest of his life; whether in a romantic or strictly sexual capacity.</p><p>Mika hated himself for ever thinking it, but at one point he thought a life of celibacy would be a rather dramatic stance for Arrow to take. After all, vampires live for such a damn long time. But after Kurda, the thought of waking up and seeing someone else in his coffin made him nauseous. He knew the loss was relatively fresh and that maybe he'd feel differently one day. For now it was unbearable.</p><p>But maybe Arrow had brighter days ahead.</p><p>Mika decided to make a point of watching him interact with Kaden Hale in the days following their conversation on the bleachers. He liked Kaden. She was one of the better Generals and she got along well with just about everyone.</p><p>Her dynamic with Arrow sort of reminded Mika of himself and Arra in their early years. Although Arrow had never been Kaden's official mentor. He'd helped her train for her Trials of Initiation after she'd moved to the mountain full-time a few years back. They'd logged quite a few hours together in the sporting halls but didn't interact much outside of that. Kaden was similar to Arra in that she was driven, clever, and had zero tolerance for any sexist bullshit. But where Arra had been a cool-headed, rigid traditionalist, Kaden was open-minded and kindhearted. She was just as fierce as Arra, but it was a softer kind of strength. Funnily enough, that aspect of her reminded Mika a little of Kurda.</p><p>Arrow kept his distance from the sporting halls for several days after his guilt-ridden misadventure. Mika happened to be in the right place at the right time when he crossed paths with her for the first time since it happened. Kaden was training with Jakob and Arlo. She was using a set of two daggers and was so focused on her two opponents she didn't see Arrow approach. Mika had been quietly assessing them, just as he'd been doing the day before.</p><p>"Hey Hale. I'd recommend switching to an underhanded swing if your opponent is taller than you. Which most of them are." Said Arrow cautiously. She faltered at the sudden distraction and Jakob disarmed her with a swift uppercut and one of her daggers clattered to the floor.</p><p>"That couldn't have waited thirty fucking seconds til I finished this!?" She snarled, spinning around sharply to see who'd interrupted her. Up in the stands, Mika stifled a laugh. In that moment she'd most definitely channeled some classic Arra energy. Kaden's livid face fell as she realized who it was.</p><p>"Oh, shit. Arrow... I mean Sire. My apologies, I didn't realize it was you. I didn't mean to yell."</p><p>"Don't worry about it." Said Arrow bluntly. "I yell at people all the time."</p><p>She smiled wryly.</p><p>"Isn't that part of your job, though?" She asked.</p><p>"Paris says we shouldn't yell unless we have to. It's bad for morale, or something." Arrow mumbled awkwardly.</p><p>"Ah." Said Kaden. "That Sire Skyle is pretty smart, I hear."</p><p>"Yeah. He's a lot smarter than me." Arrow replied. Mika facepalmed.</p><p>"Regardless, I'm sorry I yelled at you." She said with a rueful smile.</p><p>"You should be sorry. Sorry you let yourself get distracted so easily." Said Arrow with a cautious smile.</p><p>Smooth, thought Mika.</p><p>"So you really think underhand is the way to go with these?" Kaden asked seriously, holding up the pair of daggers. "I feel like my aim is so much better overhanded."</p><p>"Of course it is. That's what you're used to." Said Arrow briskly. "Can I see one of those for a second? Thanks."</p><p>He took the dagger and demonstrated a quick underhanded swing. Jakob Wiles stepped forward eagerly.</p><p>"Sire, can you show me how to do a backhanded switch on the fly? I lose my grip every time I try it." Jakob inquired hopefully. Arrow's gaze shifted from Kaden to Jakob and his face fell so imperceptibly that none of them would have noticed. But Mika noticed.</p><p>"Bracken! Wiles!" Mika called sharply from the stands. Arlo and Jakob swung around sharply. Clearly they had no idea he'd been there. "Go get some swords from the armoury and meet me in east sparring ring. I'm bored of taking notes about you. Let's see how you hold up against me."</p><p>Jakob and Arlo exchanged glances of apprehensive excitement before nodding to Mika and hurrying off to the armoury, leaving Arrow and Kaden standing alone. Mika slowly descended from the bleachers and raised his eyebrows as he passed them. He shot Arrow a quick message through their telepathic connection.</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Do whatever you want with this opportunity.</em>
</p><p>Arrow narrowed his eyes.</p><p>
  <em>A: You little shit.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: You're welcome.</em>
</p><p>Mika then carried on his way, leaving Arrow to figure out his next move. It really was the perfect opportunity. It was completely open-ended. Kaden had asked Arrow a legitimate question about a combat technique. If Arrow didn't want to take it any further, he could show her the maneuver and leave it at that. If he felt like spending any more time with her after that, it would be all too easy to ask her to join him in the Hall of Khledon Lurt for a bite to eat and a mug of ale.</p><p>The funniest part to Mika was the fact that Arrow and Kaden had already spent tons of time with each other. Yet they'd never looked as awkward as they both did now. Mika would've left them both to their own devices and stayed out of it - had it not been for the warmth in her eyes as she chuckled gently at Arrow's comment about Paris being smarter. It was a strange sort of mutual curiosity that hung between them. She obviously respected him as a Prince, but Mika got the distinct impression that she wasn't about to fawn over him, nor was she afraid to talk to him like an equal. Sort of like how Kurda had always done with Mika. Maybe that would go better for Arrow than it had for him.</p><p>When Mika re-appeared in the Hall of Princes later that night after training with Jakob and Arlo, Arrow was already there and Paris was on his way out. Darren and Larten weren't around but were due to arrive soon.</p><p>"Well?" He said to Arrow pointedly as he sat down in his throne.</p><p>"We had a nice time." Said Arrow lightly. He seemed fairly relaxed but Mika knew his guard was still very much up.</p><p>"And?"</p><p>"We went over a bunch of dagger stuff. I showed her all the drills I know. Then I showed her my boomerang. I even let her try it!"</p><p>"Sorry, but I have to ask. Your actual boomerang, or is that a euphemism?" Mika inquired with a raised eyebrow.</p><p>"Gross. My actual boomerang."</p><p>"You must really like her. You don't even let me use them." Said Mika.</p><p>"Because you're awful with them. Last time you tried you just about decapitated yourself, not to mention nearly took out everyone in the room."</p><p>"Because they're stupid, impractical weapons, they make absolutely no sense, and they should be banned. Anyway, how'd she do?" Mika asked. Then Arrow smiled.</p><p>"Really good."</p><p>"Good."</p><p>"I'm going to ask her if she wants to have dinner with me tomorrow." Said Arrow decisively.</p><p>"That's great!" Said Mika enthusiastically.</p><p>"Yeah. So you can make it, right?" Arrow added seriously. "Darren and Paris will be in the hall at that time. And I didn't see anything else on your schedule for that night."</p><p>Mika frowned.</p><p>"What the fuck do you need me there for?" He asked bemusedly.</p><p>"You know!" Arrow sighed in exasperation.</p><p>"I don't do threesomes, A. If I can't be the centre of attention, I'm not interested. Also, you're not my type." Mika snorted.</p><p>"Oh, fuck off." Arrow snapped, reddening. "You know that's not what I meant."</p><p>"Obviously. Just messing with you. But seriously, please elaborate on why you want me crashing your date."</p><p>Arrow sighed again.</p><p>"I don't know if I want it to be a date... having you there would take the pressure off."</p><p>Mika rolled his eyes.</p><p>"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. You don't think she'll feel awkward dining alone with two Princes?"</p><p>"I don't know!" Arrow groaned, throwing his hands up on frustration. "I don't know how to do any of this!"</p><p>"Arrow, you were married for several decades. You had a house and kids and everything." Said Mika, quite puzzled now. "How do you not know how to do this?"</p><p>"Sarah made the first moves!" Arrow explained, sounding a little agitated. "Then I waited almost four years to propose because I was so nervous! I still don't know what the hell I did right for her to want me!"</p><p>"Well, I like hanging out with you, most of the time. I'm guessing she did too." Said Mika gently. He really didn't want Arrow to go down the rabbit hole of Sarah memories, it never ended well. "Don't overthink it. You'll be fine."</p><p>"What's your secret?" Arrow asked gruffly.</p><p>"What do you mean?"</p><p>"You landed Arra, and then Kurda. Easily the most attractive vampires in the clan. Kurda may have turned out to be the literal worst, but even I can admit he was easy on the eyes. You must've done something right. And I know people think you're pretty yourself, but I don't see it." Arrow deadpanned.</p><p>"I just have a delightful personality." Said Mika scathingly, with a roll of his steely eyes.</p><p>Arrow laughed ruefully.</p><p>"Honestly, Mika? I'm sort of just hoping you'll just come straight out and tell me what to do from here. Because I'm so fucking lost." He admitted. He was smiling but there was a sad look in his eyes.</p><p>"The fact that you're having this conversation with me tells me everything I need to know." Said Mika after a moment's pause. "Arrow, you're the only person I know who guards their heart more heavily than I do. You wouldn't even be considering it if you didn't feel something real."</p><p>Arrow inhaled deeply and closed his eyes for several seconds before exhaling again.</p><p>"She's on your strike team, right?" Mika added.</p><p>"Yeah." Said Arrow quietly. "I thought about it a lot before I put her name on my list. But I feel like I can trust her to have my back. And since I can't have you on my team... I need someone who gets me."</p><p>Mika nodded slowly.</p><p>"Ask her to have dinner with you. I'm refuse to third wheel because that would be ridiculous. However, I do promise I'll show up with a diversion if things get awkward. Just send me a message and I'll be there. Deal?"</p><p>"Deal. Gods, this is awful timing. Fuck the Vampaneze Lord."</p><p>"You can think of it two ways." Said Mika offhandedly. "If things go well, you're in luck because you'll be spending a lot of time together on the mission. And if things don't go well, you'll have plenty of distractions once you're out there in the field. It's a win-win. Just get through your date first."</p><p>"It's not a... fuck, it's a date, isn't it?"</p><p>"Call it what you want." Mika chuckled tiredly. "Just take a bath, put on something nice, and don't say anything stupid."</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Remember the days when your laughter was meant</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Remember the days when you did what you said</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>You're counting the days til you get high again</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Chill out, be easy on yourself</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Every day, every day</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Every day in 50 million ways</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>I like to play with each cell of your brain</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>I call and say Yo Hello Hooray</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>I'd like to wake up a moment from your smile</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>THE NEXT DAY:</strong>
</p><p>Mika figured he should take it as a good sign when the hours ticked by and he didn't receive a distress signal from Arrow. Eventually, Darren and Paris went to bed, leaving Mika in the Hall of Princes alone so even if Arrow did call for backup, Mika couldn't have gone to his aid.</p><p>He busied himself with trying to plot out coordinates on a map and was becoming increasingly frustrated with it. Where the fuck was Kurda when you needed him? Oh, right. We don't talk about that. The doors suddenly sliding open and Arrow walking in was a welcome distraction.</p><p>"Hey." Mika greeted him with a very pointed expression.</p><p>"Hey." Arrow echoed as he approached. He looked content but his face didn't betray any intense emotions.</p><p>"Well?" Said Mika impatiently as Arrow settled down in his throne.</p><p>"It was really nice. Casual." Said Arrow quietly. "We mostly just talked about the mission. But that was fine by me. That kind of thing is all I know how to talk about anyway."</p><p>"Nothing wrong with that." Mika shrugged.</p><p>"I apologized for the other night... the one I was telling you about. She said she had no idea what I was talking about." Arrow added, a smile beginning to play upon his lips.</p><p>"That was very nice of her." Said Mika.</p><p>"I asked her to be my second-in-command on the mission." Said Arrow.</p><p>"Bold choice." Mika remarked lightly. "She's good but she doesn't have any field experience yet. This is kind of a big one."</p><p>The smile vanished from Arrow's face.</p><p>"Because you're such a great judge of character..." he retorted drily with a sideways glance at Mika.</p><p>"You're right. I have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about." Mika laughed derisively. And Arrow chuckled ruefully as well.</p><p>"But actually, that's a great idea." Mika added seriously. "You need someone you can trust. And if you think it's her, then it's her."</p><p>Arrow nodded slowly, smiling once more.</p><p>"Yeah. I do think it's her. Hey, who's your second? Did you pick yet?"</p><p>Mika sighed heavily.</p><p>"No. Probably Wiles or Bracken. They're the best ones on my team. But they're no Crepsley, or Sails... or you."</p><p>"It wouldn't be fair to the vampaneze if we fought together out there." Said Arrow gruffly. "Let's at least make it a challenge for them."</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Remember the days when your laughter was meant</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Remember the days when you did what you said</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>You're counting the days til you get high again</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Chill out, be easy on yourself</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <strong>FAR, FAR AWAY FROM VAMPIRE MOUNTAIN:</strong>
</p><p>Kurda didn't have a lot to be happy about. But he felt a rush of euphoria as he explored the cottage he'd finessed with a bit of slick talk and a lot of gross liquor.</p><p>It was small, but extremely nice and well-kept. Even covered in snow it had a distinct charm about it. It was one floor, one bedroom, one bathroom. Open-concept kitchen and living room. The best part was the view of the harbour. It was a frozen wasteland at the moment but he could just imagine how beautiful it would be in the summer. The village was located on a migratory route for the humpback whales that swam these waters in warmer months. He felt a pang as he recalled the first mission he ever went on with Mika - a fresh young General at the time. They'd travelled by ship and learned that Mika A) enjoyed being near the ocean, and B) thought whales were neat. Those were the first two "little things" he'd ever learned about Mika. And the little things were what made Kurda fall so desperately in love. Things like how much he loved coffee. How he only knew about half a dozen songs from the 21st century and all of them were gangster rap - which he could rap along to fluently much to Kurda's embarrassment. How he slept in late maybe once a decade - but when he did, he looked so peaceful lying there. How he'd make this cute little sighing noise as he'd stretch before getting up. His dry snark and deadpan wit; his sense of humour was subtle but truly spectacular in Kurda's opinion. How he was tougher than a diamond but could also be soft as a summer rain. And both of those traits were entirely authentic. Okay, that was more of a big thing than a little thing. But it was what had always amazed Kurda the most about him; how those two different sides intertwined to make him who he was.</p><p>Kurda would've given anything to go back to the time before everything went to hell. Anything to walk into the Hall of Princes and see Mika sitting up there leaning sideways in his throne, greeting Kurda with that nod and smile. Anything to hear him laugh at one of Arrow's stupid jokes again. Anything to feel Mika's body press up against his, every beautiful inch from lips to hips. And as great as the sex always was, whether it was rough or gentle, nothing was better than the moments after where Kurda would rest his head on Mika's chest, in exactly the right place to listen to his heartbeat as Mika wrapped him up in his powerful, battle-scarred ams, held him tight and whispered how much he loved him.</p><p>And gods, Kurda loved him back so fiercely. He never stopped loving him. He had to fight every instinct he had not to reach out to Mika through their telepathic link and excitedly tell him the story.</p><p>I lied to him. I plotted against him. I used his weakness against him. I destroyed him. He doesn't want to hear about my fucking cottage.</p><p>And then it all hit him all over again, just like it did every time he woke up. The image of Mika sitting on his throne during that trial, fighting so hard to keep up his diamond-tough exterior but all Kurda could see was the look deep in his eyes that screamed out how lost and scared he was.</p><p>What Kurda remembered most from that night wasn't the moment he revealed the prophecy, or the moment he learned his fate. When he thought back to it, all he remembered was how badly he wanted to run past the guards, up to the thrones and throw his arms around Mika and tell him how much he loved him and how he deserved so much better than all of this. How the night before, he had to talk himself out of slipping into Mika's cell while the mountain slept, and begging him to run away together. Maybe if he'd done that, they'd both be somewhere far away from here. Gracie too. Maybe in a little cottage like this one. Just the three of them. And they'd be happy and safe. On his weakest days, Kurda would lose himself in that fantasy. He knew it was stupid to torture himself with dreams that would never come true, but in those moments he couldn't find the strength to care.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Every day, every day</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Every day in 50 million ways</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>I like to play with each cell of your brain</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>I call and say Yo Hello Hooray</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>I'd like to wake up a moment from your smile</strong>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If you're enjoying this, please like leave a comment or something? I'm starting to hit a wall with this, like I know EXACTLY how I'm ending it and I'm very excited to see it through til the end but the middle is giving me some serious writers block so please validate me lmao ily</p><p>- Roxy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Heavy Is The Head That Wears The Crown</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Black dog drinks from the water<br/>Trying to cool his tongue<br/>Like the king finds no peace<br/>His work is never done</p><p>***<br/>CHAPTERS 6+7 NOW COMBINED INTO ONE.</p><p>So begins the War of Scars. Mika and Arrow are each about to embark on their own missions. Cue the separation anxiety! But first, let's peer pressure Crepsley to drink in the Hall of Princes after hours because we're all professionals in this mountain. Also, Paris is sympathetic to Mika's ongoing emotional turmoil but he draws the line at sending his minions on Starbucks runs. Come on, we're supposed to be at war here. Get it together, man.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here we are again! Sorry to keep you guys waiting. I'm having major Middle Of Story Syndrome and I'm trying to keep things well-paced and interesting til the action starts ramping back up, and this chapter was a hassle and a half. </p><p>Also I'm introducing a bunch of OCs in this one but they're not gonna be major parts of this story. For the most part, I don't particularly care for OCs (Gracie being the obvious exception because she's our baby, and Kaden bc Arrow deserves someone to love him.) It's just that we know Mika canonically left the mountain on a five year mission after the betrayal, but we don't know who he was with. I wanted to touch on what Mika was doing while he was out there before going in for a time jump. So I just made up a bunch of random vampires for him to hang out with, and tried to make them somewhat interesting \_(ツ)/</p><p>Anyway, let's dive in.</p><p>Chapter 6: Heavy Is The Head That Wears The Crown </p><p>Song: Heavy Is The Head by the Zac Brown Band</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> <strong>Heavy is the head that wears the crown</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>Heavy is the head that wears the crown</strong> </em>
</p><p> </p><p>The torches were burning low and most of the mountain had long since retreated to bed when Mika and Arrow found themselves alone in the Hall of Princes after another long day of preparing for their upcoming individual missions. It would be the last night they'd both be in the same room for at least a few years.</p><p>"I think Paris was being sarcastic when he asked if we were going to end up with separation anxiety, but he wasn't far off the mark." Said Arrow conversationally.</p><p>"I can't remember the last time we were apart for more than a few months." Mika commented in an undertone as he gave his favourite sword a final sharpening.</p><p>"It was when I was married." Arrow replied. He was also putting the finishing touches on his own sword; the hilt required a bit of re-binding.</p><p>"Right..." Mika replied. "I should've remembered that. You know, I really got a lot done during those years, but it was never the same without you."</p><p>"I'm surprised you had time to miss me." Arrow snorted gently. "Between all the ladder-climbing and the ass-kissing you got up to."</p><p>"Kissing? No. Kicking, yes." Mika smirked.</p><p>"Call it what you want. I just remember coming back here and once I was sober enough to pay attention to what the rest of the mountain was doing, I realized my little brother with the notorious attitude problem had turned into some kind of celebrity while I was gone." Said Arrow, winking.</p><p>Mika shrugged.</p><p>"Like I said, I got a lot done. Didn't take you long to catch up with me though. Once you got back on track it was like you never missed a day."</p><p>"Once you got me back on track." Arrow corrected him softly. "I'm here now because you were there then. That's the truth."</p><p>"Well, we're even now." Mika replied darkly, and Arrow nodded understandingly. The night of Kurda's exile was still fresh enough that Arrow didn't need a reminder of when exactly he'd returned the favour.</p><p>"Gods, it's going to be quiet here without us." Arrow commented, slightly more loudly as he looked around at the vast, empty room.</p><p>"Paris is going to have the most productive years of his life." Said Mika, finally re-sheathing his sword and leaning back with his arms crossed behind his head.</p><p>"Not too productive, I hope." Said Arrow. "The poor man's over 800 years old. Gods only know how he's still with us. At least he'll have Larten and Seba to help run the show until Darren gets it figured out."</p><p>"Paris is doing great." Said Mika sharply. "He'll live for another century. Easily."</p><p>"I sure hope so." Arrow sighed. "We're going to need all the help we can get."</p><p>A silence hung between them for a moment or two.</p><p>"What do you think is going to happen out there?" Mika wondered aloud.</p><p>"I hope we find the Vampaneze Lord and kill the bastard." Said Arrow viciously.</p><p>"We will." Said Mika. "We have to."</p><p>"You sound awfully sure about that."</p><p>"I have to be. There's no alternative."</p><p>Mika and Arrow sat in comfortable, contemplative silence for a long while.</p><p>"I'm going to miss this place." Said Arrow suddenly, his voice thicker than before. "You know I never used to love it as much as you did when we first came here. I was always happier out in the world. But now... I just... fuck, I'm going to miss it so much."</p><p>"Almost three hundred years of memories in this big old rock..." said Mika quietly.</p><p>"We sure left our mark on it." said Arrow affirmatively.</p><p>"And it left its mark on us." Mika echoed.</p><p>"Three hundred years... and it all comes down to this." Said Arrow.</p><p>"You say that like we're never coming back. We're coming back. We're both coming back. This is home."</p><p>"The clan is home." Arrow answered quietly. "The mountain is just like... our house, I guess."</p><p>Mika looked across at him with a funny expression on his face. Arrow wasn't exactly wrong, but Mika didn't fully agree either. But then again, this place wasn't the only home Arrow had ever known.</p><p>His thoughts were interrupted by Larten's voice reaching out through their mental connection.</p><p>
  <em>LC: May I come in?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Have at it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>LC: ...Will you be so kind as to open the door?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Oh right. You're still not a Prince.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>LC: And you are still not funny. Sire.</em>
</p><p>"Crepsley's coming in." Mika informed Arrow before placing his hand on his throne panel to open the door and admit the red-cloaked vampire. Larten strode briskly to the front, paused quickly to bow as though he'd almost forgotten. Then he ascended up the platform and sunk down wearily in Vancha/Darren's throne.</p><p>"You can't bow to us like a civilian and then plunk your ass down in a throne uninvited." Arrow chuckled. "Pick one or the other. And for the record, we don't care which."</p><p>Larten blushed and started to stand up again.</p><p>"I apologize, Sire." He muttered. "I forgot my place."</p><p>"Sit down, Larten." Mika sighed. "You know we're past all that. We're just harassing you for our own amusement. You should be used to this by now."</p><p>"I suppose we are all a little hard up for amusement these days." Said Larten with a stiff smile. "Are you both ready for your missions?"</p><p>"I'd be readier if we knew what the fuck we'd be doing once we got out there." Said Mika.</p><p>"You do not feel Warwent's tip from last week will lead to anything?" Larten inquired.</p><p>"It's Dean we're talking about." Mika grunted disdainfully. "Man's never had an intelligent thought in his life."</p><p>You may recall Dean Warwent being a thorn in the side and a pain in the ass to Mika, Kurda, Arra, and just about everyone else he'd ever crossed paths with. He'd been out in the field with a troop of several men for the past five months but just days ago he'd come through with the best information they'd had yet: he was tracking a group of vampaneze that seemed to be travelling together; something that wasn't all that common. The theory was that they were heading to find their "Lord".</p><p>"Mika, Dean's always been a goldmine of information. You know that." Arrow chided him gently. "It's the only reason neither of us have killed him yet. He's useful. I hate him as much as you do, but he's good at detective work. That's what we need right now."</p><p>"You do not like Dean?" Larten asked Mika.</p><p>Arrow laughed raucously.</p><p>"Don't ask him for his opinion on Dean!" He chortled. "We'll be stuck in here until the war ends without us!"</p><p>Mika rolled his eyes.</p><p>"Dean Warwent is a vile excuse for a vampire, a waste of skin, oxygen, and every other resource required to keep him alive. Whoever blooded that man into the clan should be arrested. I've been looking for an excuse to break his neck for decades and honestly at this point in my life I might do it just for fun next time I see him."</p><p>Larten pressed his lips together, clearly trying to contain a laugh</p><p>"This is why my team is going to meet up with Dean's, while Mika's will be heading up the coast to try to corner the handful of vampaneze that've been spotted in that region." Arrow clarified, still chuckling.</p><p>"You don't like him either." Mika growled.</p><p>"Oh, I can't stand the man. But I figured we'll be better off if you don't end up strangling our best spy." Arrow retorted.</p><p>"Probably for the better. I'm not above hunting for sport." Mika admitted with a wry smirk. Then Larten smirked too, and Mika shot him a sharp look.</p><p>"What's so funny?"</p><p>"Nothing, Sire. Ignore me."</p><p>"I don't think so. Spit it out."</p><p>"Once upon a time, you may recall I ran my mouth during a negotiation with a very dangerous enemy, at your prompting. You later told me I had not learned to hide my emotions as artfully as you had. And that is a direct quote! Forgive me, it seems you are more forthcoming with your opinions as of late."</p><p>Arrow laughed even louder yet and Mika smiled thinly at Larten for a moment.</p><p>"I remember that negotiation as clearly as if it was yesterday. And not a day goes by where I don't wish I'd reached across that table, wrapped my hand around Franz's neck, and squeezed until that sick little smile disappeared from his face." Said Mika at last. "At the very least, I wish I'd told him to his face how disgusting I thought he was. I regret the neutrality I worked to maintain, and I envy how honest you got to be in that moment."</p><p>Larten sighed heavily.</p><p>"It is easy to think that way in hindsight. But it was so early, the war had not even started yet. We had no idea how bad it was going to get." He replied.</p><p>"They sure as fuck hinted at it." Mika growled.</p><p>"Your priorities were right. We did our jobs. We kept the clan safe." Larten reasoned. "How the war ended up turning out was beyond us."</p><p>"We should've done more. I should've done more." Said Mika quietly.</p><p>"Okay! That's a trip down memory lane that neither of you need at this moment." Said Arrow loudly, looking bath and forth between Mika and Larten. "Our war isn't going to look anything like their war. So just... don't even go there, alright?"</p><p>"Have you noticed he's the rational one now?" Mika asked Larten seriously, gesturing at Arrow. "You've been away for a while. Things have changed."</p><p>"Well, Mika's taken up the mantle of the unstable one, so someone has to have their head on straight." Said Arrow matter-of-factly.</p><p>"See what I have to put up with?" Mika added in Larten's direction. The orange-haired vampire snorted.</p><p>"The life of a Prince is rough indeed." He commented.</p><p>"Someone has to keep him humble." Said Arrow with a wayward grin at Mika. "And no one else is going to. It's all up to me."</p><p>"You are both leaving awfully big shoes for Darren to fill here." Said Larten unexpectedly, more softly than before.</p><p>"Do you doubt him?" Mika asked, raising an eyebrow.</p><p>"Never!" Larten shot back quickly. "He will serve the clan as well as any Prince ever has." Then his voice dropped several octaves. "It is just a heavy burden to bear on such a small pair of shoulders. There are so many things I wish I had done differently, so none of this ever had to fall upon him."</p><p>"Well, personally I'm glad it fell upon him otherwise we'd be dead now." Said Arrow frankly. "And you probably would be too, Larten. I don't know if everything truly happens for a reason, but some things do."</p><p>"He'll be fine, Larten." Said Mika bluntly. "They're a lot tougher than we are. Gracie led her team to victory just four days after hearing the news about Kurda. I can't even remember which sport it was. Soccer, i think. But while she was doing that, you know what I was doing?"</p><p>"He was drunk on my floor being completely useless." Arrow muttered.</p><p>"I was drunk on Arrow's floor being completely useless." Mika confirmed drily.</p><p>Larten gave a hoarse, humourless chuckle.</p><p>"The night we lost Arra... I did not take it well, as you know. At that point, Darren had been to hell and back but all he cared about was making sure I was okay. He was burned, broken, bruised and terrified for his life. But he carried on as if he could not even feel it. It was... humbling."</p><p>Mika nodded slowly and gave that some thought before replying to Larten.</p><p>"He shouldn't be in that position, but he is. But I'm not going waste my energy worrying about him while I'm gone. Know why, Larten?" Mika answered at last.</p><p>"Because he is a wise and honourable young man." Said Larten hoarsely.</p><p>"True, but no." Said Mika. "I'm not going to worry because he'll have you."</p><p>Larten's face turned as red as his cloak.</p><p>"Sire, you flatter me."</p><p>Mika shook his head firmly.</p><p>"I've never flattered anyone, ever." He said. "I'm just being honest. Sure, I'm also trying to make you feel better since you look pathetic and it's depressing me a little bit... But I wholeheartedly supported your investiture when you were nominated, and I've never changed my mind."</p><p>"You think we'd let you spend all your time sitting up here hovering behind the kid if we didn't think you knew exactly what you're doing? If he was any other kid, and you were any other vampire, there's no way this would work." Arrow added. "We don't expect Darren to fill our shoes. That would be cruel. You, on the other hand..."</p><p>"You were born for it." Mika concluded with a brittle smile as Arrow nodded in agreement.</p><p>"I am not worthy of this praise." Said Larten weakly. Mika rolled his eyes and held up his hand impatiently.</p><p>"Save it." Said Mika flatly. "Just shut up and take the compliment. Because I know you know I don't go around handing them out on a regular basis."</p><p>Larten nodded curtly.</p><p>"Thank you for expressing your confidence in me, Sires. It means more than you know."</p><p>"Oh, we know." Said Arrow.</p><p>Mika smirked and reached behind his throne, withdrawing a mostly full bottle of whiskey. He uncapped it and took a long drink.</p><p>"Are you technically allowed to drink in here?" Larten inquired politely.</p><p>Mika shrugged.</p><p>"It's frowned upon. But who's going to stop me? Can't take it with me on the mission, so I might as well enjoy it while I can."</p><p>Arrow reached out expectantly and Mika passed him the bottle. Arrow took a hearty swig as well.</p><p>"Crepsley?" Said Arrow, holding the bottle out to Larten, grinning wickedly like a bad influence kid holding a flask in the back of a classroom. Larten appeared to contemplate it for a moment, then he too accepted it. He paused before holding the bottle to his lips.</p><p>"Cheers." He said, looking seriously at Mika and Arrow in turn. "To the mighty Vampire Princes who followed through with their own investitures." Then his eyes crinkled and a sheepish smile spread across his face. "And to those who tripped at the finish line."</p><p>"You mean you, right?" Said Arrow abruptly. "Cause I'm not drinking to Kurda."</p><p>"Obviously he's not referring to Kurda." Mika grunted, rolling his eyes.</p><p>"Yes. I was referring to myself." Said Larten drily. "Even in death may we be triumphant." He took a drink from the bottle as well before passing it back to Mika.</p><p>"Even in death may we be triumphant." Mika echoed tiredly. "But for the record, let's try to do a little better than that."</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> <strong>Black dog</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>Drinks from the water</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>Trying to cool his tongue</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>Like the king</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>Finds no peace</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>His work is never done</strong> </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>MISSION WEEK FOUR:</strong>
</p><p>There's a good reason Mika never took on an official apprentice. As in, never blooded anyone with the intention of serving as a mentor. Not a chance, he'd think to himself. Break my back to help some rookie climb the ladders, or devote my energy to climbing those ladders myself? Tempting, but I'll pass.</p><p>He hadn't been looking for an apprentice when he'd found Arra. But he never truly felt like her mentor. He didn't raise her, or even blood her. All he really did was let her follow him around, vaguely tell her what to do every now and then, and punch anyone who sexually harassed her. Until he taught her to throw a good punch herself. Once she could do that, she really didn't need him. He trained her to fight, but that was it. It was nothing like Larten and Darren's relationship, or even his own and Paris's. He was less of a mentor and more of a coach. He had zero interest in being anyone's devoted teacher. Sure he enjoyed working with some of the most promising young vampires in the clan and they relished learning from him, but ultimately he worked better alone.</p><p>Then the war began and overnight he ended up as the glorified babysitter of half a dozen young vampires that were barely ready to take on some of the easier Trials of Initiation, much less head into war.</p><p>They were still weeks or even months away from seeing combat. Right now was a whole lot of walking and camping. Two of Mika's least favourite things. He'd gotten well-accustomed to having flitting privileges to and from the mountain but Paris had been very specific when he firmly told both Mika and Arrow to save it for emergencies.</p><p>"Sire, do you believe in Desmond Tiny's prophecy?" Arlo Bracken asked earnestly one night as the group set up camp in a way station deep in a some forest somewhere.</p><p>"I believe it's best to take Desmond Tiny seriously." Mika replied tensely.</p><p>"Do you think Kurda Smahlt's treachery was justified?" Piped up Marius.</p><p>Mika shot him a death glare at the sound of Kurda's name.</p><p>Gareth elbowed Marius in the ribs and Mika heard a poorly-muffled mutter of,</p><p>"You idiot! Don't bring up Kurda in front of him! They used to be like, mates or something."</p><p>"Oh fuck." Marius groaned.</p><p>"'Oh fuck' is right." Mika grunted dispassionately. "To answer your question, no. The clan trusted him so implicitly, he was receiving the highest honour any vampire can hope for. When a Prince is invested, he holds the lives of the clan in his very hands. It's a heavier burden than any of you can imagine. And he would've sold every one of us out. So no, there's no justifying a betrayal of trust to that extent. And I don't want to hear any of you mention his name again."</p><p>Then he lay down facing the wall, with his back to the concerned and confused men who accompanied him, and said nothing further.</p><p>Mika didn't actually hate them. As irritable and guarded he may have been, he truly didn't hate them. He just hated the situation that had become his life. But that wasn't new. He'd picked them himself, after all. Granted there wasn't a large pool left to choose from since he'd waited a year to head out into the field. But he assembled what he hoped would be the best possible strike team with the resources available:</p><p>Jakob Wiles. You may remember him from knocking Kurda off the bars a few years ago. Decent fighter, but what Mika liked was his intelligence. That was why Mika chose him to be Second-In-Command.</p><p>Gareth Tarl. The only General on the mission. He was also Dean Warwent's apprentice once, hence why Mika passed him over for Second-In-Command despite the fact that he was the second-most experienced vampire on the team after Mika. Because if there's one thing that still makes Mika happy these days, it's flipping Dean off.</p><p>Arlo Bracken. Excellent fighter. Mediocre intelligence. Good people skills. A solid, dependable soldier. Arlo and Jakob reminded Mika of himself and Arrow.</p><p>Marius Veld. Bit of a runt, but fast as lightning and clever to boot. His fighting skills needed work but Mika figured that once he gained some confidence, he'd be a force to be reckoned with. His mentor died in the battle in the tunnels last year, leaving Marius as something of an orphan. Mika saw potential in him, certainly. But he also felt bad for him.</p><p>Osric Cole. Quiet and unassuming, but he was good at reading people. That would undoubtedly come in handy.</p><p>So there they were, like it or not. Mika couldn't exactly call them the "A-Team" since Arrow had called dibs on that phrase weeks ago. And "the M-team" just sounded dumb. Gracie suggested "Mika's Minions" shortly before her summer break ended and while she thought it was hilarious, Mika just about threw up at the notion.</p><p>They didn't need a name. They weren't a band, or a sports team. They weren't going to become friends, and Mika wasn't in the business of mentorship. He already had a kid and she was smarter than all of them put together in Mika's not-so-humble opinion. They were simply a group of soldiers with a job to do.</p><p>And the sooner they did it, the sooner the war would be over and Mika could move on with the rest of his life and be that much closer to erasing every last memory of Kurda Fucking Smahlt.</p><p>
  <strong>MISSION WEEK SIX:</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>PS: Status report, Mika?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Same as last week.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS: Surely it cannot be that bad.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: I hate them all. They're stupid and incompetent and I hate them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS: You chose them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Because you ordered all the good Generals to go off with their own troops and left the scraps to Arrow and me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS: We're at war, Mika. Divide and conquer, remember?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: I'm going to divide Gareth's head from his body if he doesn't stop commenting on the scenery.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS: I can see I'm not going to get any useful information from you today, so I will find something more productive to do.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Take care.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS: Behave.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> <strong>Night falls</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>Smoke on the water</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>Darkness closes in</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>Cold white hand, in the deep</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>Will drown you for your sins</strong> </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>MISSION WEEK TEN:</strong>
</p><p>War times bring out the worst in people. Sometimes, good men do things they aren't proud of. Desperate acts born out of necessity. A soldier does what they need to do to survive.</p><p>"Alright, Wiles." Said Mika heavily to his underdog of a Lieutenant, Jakob Wiles one night as the two of them sat high on a hillside overlooking a sprawling human town below. "Ready for your first solo mission?"</p><p>"I won't let you down, Sire." Came the determined reply.</p><p>"Well, I'd sure hope not. Otherwise why are you even here?"</p><p>"What would you have me do?"</p><p>"I need you to pick up supplies. We're in desperate need. I'm counting on you."</p><p>"Uh... which supplies, Sire?"</p><p>"See that green light way down there, the one on the white building in the northwest corner of town?"</p><p>"Yes, Sire."</p><p>"That's called a Starbucks. I need you to make a stealth entrance into that Starbucks. You'll see humans but just act natural. Ask for an an extra-large dark roast vanilla latte. Real milk. None of that almond shit. Give them this-" Mika handed him a few crumpled bills he'd taken from his emergency stash back in the mountain - "That should be enough. If you have any left over, buy yourself a nice water or something."</p><p>Jakob stared back at him uncertainly and Mika got the impression he thought he was kidding.</p><p>"Sire, please forgive me for asking but... is this a serious request or are you testing me?" Jakob inquired.</p><p>Mika arched an eyebrow impatiently.</p><p>"Am I known for my practical jokes, Wiles?"</p><p>"Not as far as I'm aware, Sire." Said Jakob defeatedly.</p><p>"Smart boy." Said Mika with a brittle smile. "Go make me proud."</p><p>
  <strong>MISSION WEEK ELEVEN:</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>PS: Mika Ver Leth, could you please explain to me why on earth you are using your teammates as your personal butlers?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: What?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS: Don't you "what" me. I know you sent Jakob Wiles into a human establishment just to bring you back a coffee.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: He's my lieutenant. His job is to help me. So he helped me by bringing me a coffee big enough to keep me from strangling every last one of the idiots.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS: Unbelievable. You are unbelievable. I could strangle you right now. I don't need this, Mika. I expect better from you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Sorry. Who's the snitch?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS: You know how vampires talk. Jakob telepathically connected with his mentor Boris who's still in the mountain. Boris wanted to know what sorts of exciting things his apprentice was getting up to in the field, I suppose! So then Boris told Vanez. Vanez told Seba. And Seba told me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: If needing a pick-me-up during the worst year of my life is a crime, drag me back to the mountain and toss me on the stakes, I guess.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS: It's not just the coffee, Mika. You haven't made a plan. You aren't communicating with your men. You aren't even trying to connect with them. You know Vanez checks in with his students weekly, right? You aren't the only one reporting back to the mountain.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: What are you, the fucking Human Resources department? Am I supposed to be hosting team building sessions out here? Charna's Guts, Paris. We're at war here. Sorry I don't have time to hold their hands and sing campfire songs.</em>
</p><p>Although they were communicating telepathically, Mika could clearly hear Paris heave a long sigh of exasperation.</p><p>
  <em>PS: I know you're having a difficult time trusting anyone after last year, but -</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Tread carefully here, Paris. I'm not interested in a therapy session. Say what you want to say and get out of my head.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS: Fine! I'm sick of tiptoeing around your fragile ego anyway.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Ouch.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS: Do better, Mika. That's all I have to say to you. You're smart, figure it out.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Noted.</em>
</p><p>Paris withdrew from Mika's mind without another word, leaving him in the company of his own thoughts once more.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <strong>MISSION WEEK THIRTEEN:</strong>
</p><p>A<em>: Having fun yet?</em></p><p>
  <em>MVL: So much fun. The time of my life.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: It's the Frappuccinos, isn't it?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Oh, fuck off. It wasn't a Frappuccino. It was a latte. And it was one time. I was having a bad day.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: I wasn't judging.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Who told you?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: Paris kind of went on a bit of a rant to me last week.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: The mountain clearly isn't keeping him busy enough.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: He asked me to talk to you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Oh boy.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: Look, we all know you're not exactly in a good place but we can't afford any weak links-</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: WEAK LINK?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: Yikes. Sorry. Bad phrasing. Just try, okay? You're such a good teacher when you want to-</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: I like teaching on my terms. This isn't my terms. Giving some pointers in the sporting halls is a far cry from this endless fucking camping trip.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: We're at war. We don't get to pick our terms. They're young, and scared, and they're already intimidated because you're a Prince-</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: They're fully-blooded vampires. I'm not here to hold anyone's hand and tell them it'll be okay.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: Well, you can't just resent them because they're there and Arra isn't. That's not fair. Give them a chance.</em>
</p><p>Mika felt his stomach clench at the mention of her name.</p><p>
  <em>MVL: I told Paris I wasn't interested in formally mentoring anyone ever again after her. I was very clear.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: You know, Arra isn't going to feel betrayed if you do.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Yeah, well... I still don't want to.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: We know.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Enough about me. How's the "A-Team"?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: Not bad. We're hoping to link up with Dean's team within a week or two. Then we'll see if his information amounted to anything.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Good luck. Spent any one-on-one time with Kaden?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: Not really. We work well together. I'm glad I have her on my team, but I'm not pursuing anything deeper. I can't.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Why not?!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: We're at war, Mika. So much could go wrong. I can't take another loss. Besides, the clan needs the Princes to be focused right now. All of the Princes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: I can't help but feel like that's a subtle jab at me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: Wasn't that subtle.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Gods, you're a pest.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: Miss you too.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> <strong>It's a lifelong expedition</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>Second-guessing your decisions</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>Trying to find out what's been missing</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>Pages keep on filling</strong> </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>MISSION WEEK SIXTEEN:</strong>
</p><p>A little over a month after Jakob ran his first successful solo mission (when he describes it, he leaves out the fact it was a Starbucks run) Mika's strike team got their first taste of combat. They'd been tracking a small group of vampaneze for several days and they were closing in - they couldn't get too close and they had to make sure to stay downwind so the purple-skinned men didn't catch their scent. It was a delicate balance but Mika knew what he was doing. Maybe they'd lead them to the Lord of the Vampaneze.</p><p>One night, Mika told his troops to stay in the way station so he could flit into a nearby village to refill the group's emergency blood vials. It was easier for one vampire to go alone rather than have the whole team wandering around a human establishment.</p><p>Mika couldn't remember the last time he'd taken blood from a live human. He'd been in the mountain so long, he was used to just grabbing a mug here and there when he needed a sip. Truth be told, he much preferred the taste of either alcoholic or caffeinated beverages if he had a choice. But he was a vampire, and vampires drink blood. So that's that on that.</p><p>He'd stopped at four different houses like some kind of morbid Santa Claus, taking little bits from the oblivious humans that lived in them. He was looking forwards to getting the last two vials filled so he could get back to the way station.</p><p>He was preparing to scale a brick wall to slip in through an open window when he heard Jakob Wiles' voice come jackhammering into his mind.</p><p>
  <em>JW: Sire, we need you back at camp. Hurry.</em>
</p><p>Mika paused.</p><p>
  <em>MVL: I've been gone for two hours. What could have possibly-</em>
</p><p>
  <em>JW: We were attacked by vampaneze. The winds changed direction and they smelled us. We had no warning.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Fuck. Did you kill them? Is anyone hurt?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>JW: There were four. They had the element of surprise but we were able to kill two. But the others captured Arlo and Gareth. The rest of us are banged up but nothing serious.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: FUCK. Can you reach them telepathically?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>JW: No, Sire. I think they're unconscious. Or worse.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: They're still alive. The vampaneze wouldn't capture them only to kill them immediately. Can you pick up their scent? Start tracking them?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>JW: I don't know.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Try.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>JW: Okay... I can smell them, I think. Oh gods...</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Take a deep breath and get your head on straight. Either you smell them or you don't.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>JW: I do. I smell them. Okay, they went... south.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Move south then. I'll link up with you shortly. But don't wait for me, get moving.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>JW: What if we find more? What if they double back on us before you get back?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Jakob, you're supposed to be my second-in-command here. You don't sound very commanding.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>JW: I'm sorry, Sire! I've never dealt with anything like this before!</em>
</p><p>Mika cussed and forced himself not to punch the brick wall out of frustration. Then he took a deep breath. And then another one. Of course Jakob had no idea what he was doing. Jakob wasn't even a General. He was just a young man who'd been thrown into a mission well above his skill level, but Mika had chosen him to be his second because out of all his (admittedly limited) options, Jakob seemed to use his brain more than most. He could have designated that role to Gareth Tarl who was actually a General, but Gareth was also Dean's one-time apprentice and Mika just couldn't give Dean the satisfaction of thinking he raised a half-decent vampire. So Jakob it was. But Mika couldn't exactly fault him for coming apart after watching two of his friends get dragged away.</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Jakob, just relax. You can handle it. Start tracking them. I'll find you as soon as I can. Then we'll get them back. Understand?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>JW: I understand.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Good.</em>
</p><p>Mika severed their mental connection and quickly hustled away in the direction from which he'd came. Once he was out of the town, he took off at a flit, hoping it wasn't too late.</p><p>Jakob had been on high alert ever since his brief contact with Mika, and the second he heard the bushes rustle he swung his sword so fiercely it would've left a hell of a mark if his aim had been true.</p><p>"Charna's Fucking Guts!" Mika yelped, quickly sidestepping the swinging blade.</p><p>"I'm sorry!" Jakob moaned. "I thought you were a vampaneze!"</p><p>Mika rolled his eyes, but swallowed a biting retort about looking first and slicing second.</p><p>"It's alright. Good reflexes." He told Jakob drily. He glanced at the young man in front of him, and then the others.</p><p>"Are you all alright?" Mika asked them, as gently as he could manage with the amount of adrenaline that was coursing through his body. They nodded determinedly.</p><p>"Alright then." Said Mika calmly. "Let's get our teammates back."</p><p>They painstakingly tracked the vampaneze back to a shabby-looking warehouse and Mika's felt this confirmed his suspicion. The young vampires would more than likely be tortured for information in this building. Anything relating to how the clan was handling the news of the Vampaneze Lord. Their strategies. Their locations. And whether or not the vampaneze got what they wanted, the vampires wouldn't be walking out of here alive. The hardest part was that the sun was rising as they arrived so they knew they had no choice but to wait for nightfall. So they slept fitfully.</p><p>"We're not going in until we can get a mental signal from Arlo or Gareth." Mika told the group as they watched the warehouse from the shelter of the forest. The canopy of trees and the rocky hills offered them enough shade to keep from burning in the daylight, and finally the sun was setting again. "They won't be unconscious forever. Once they're awake, they can give us a better idea of what we're up against."</p><p>"Sire, what if they don't wake up?" Marius asked. He was the youngest of the group. He'd only been a fully-blooded vampire for a few years.</p><p>"They'll wake up." Mika affirmed grimly. "Otherwise what would be the point of taking them prisoner? They're only useful if they're alive."</p><p>"They'll torture them, won't they?" Said Jakob, his face going white.</p><p>"I expect that's the intention." Mika replied heavily. "If we can get in quickly, then we can make it out before the sun rises. But if the hours pass and we don't hear from them, we're going to have to make camp for the day and wait until the sun goes down again. We can't risk getting-"</p><p>"Arlo's awake!" Jakob yelped suddenly.</p><p>"What can he tell us? Can he transmit you an image of where he is?" Mika demanded.</p><p>"I can barely understand him... oh gods, I think they're hurting him. I don't know what to do!" Jakob groaned, clutching his temples in agitation. "Can you take over, Sire? Maybe you'll know what to make of it!"</p><p>Mika took a deep breath, understanding that his trademark Sire Ver Leth attitude wouldn't get him very far in this situation. So instead of getting abrasive, he gently placed his hand on Jakob's trembling shoulder.</p><p>"Jakob, Arlo is your best friend, right?" He asked quietly.</p><p>"Right..."</p><p>"I barely know Arlo. I won't be able to connect with him as well as you can. Telepathy isn't like picking up a phone like a human. The closer you are with someone, the better you can communicate with them."</p><p>"He... he's not thinking clearly. It's like he's only half-there." Said Jakob after a moment's pause. "I can only catch words here and there."</p><p>"Reach further." Mika encouraged him in a low voice. "He's there somewhere. Just talk to him. Tell him we're here and we're coming as soon as we can."</p><p>"I can't make sense of anything he's saying!" Jakob practically howled in frustration and Mika had to stifle a growl of impatience and remind himself this was just a young man doing his best in a frightening situation, and he really wasn't all that much older than Gracie.</p><p>"Yes, you can." Said Mika evenly. "Just slow down and think. You know, I have a best friend too. I'm sure you've met Sire Arrow. I had to track him down like this once. It was hard, he was in a bad situation."</p><p>"Did you find him?" Jakob asked anxiously.</p><p>"Sort of." Mika sighed. "I tracked him to his last location before he more or less decided he didn't want to be found. So this is is different. But you just have to tune out everything else and focus on what he's telling you. Pretend I'm not even here."</p><p>"Okay..." Jakob gulped, closing his eyes and sitting quietly for several seconds as he put all of his strength into maintaining his tenuous connection with Arlo. Mika watched tensely.</p><p>"He doesn't know how many vampaneze are in the building but he saw at least three others besides the two that captured him. He's in a big room, but I don't know where in the building... Gareth's in a room across the hall but he can't hear him. He doesn't think Gareth is awake yet."</p><p>"Good." Said Mika breathlessly. "You're doing great. Can you pinpoint his location within the building? Narrow it down to which quadrant, at least?"</p><p>"I don't know... it's hard to tell."</p><p>"Don't think too hard." Mika urged. "Just tell me where his mental signal is coming from."</p><p>Jakob closed his eyes again.</p><p>"He... he's in the east corner!"</p><p>"We're going in!" Mika barked, standing up abruptly and signalling the others to do the same.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> <strong>Heavy is the head that wears the crown</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>Heavy is the head that wears the crown</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Mad man</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>Blood on the altar</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>The Queen will have his head</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>His ghosts will shake those rattling chains</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>Long after he's dead</strong> </em>
</p><p> </p><p>This time it was the vampires who had the element of surprise. Mika quickly ran his sword through the vampaneze who was guarding the door before he could tip off whoever else was in the building.</p><p>"Stick together and be ready." Mika muttered as he led the group down the dirty hallway.</p><p>"I hear footsteps!" Marius hissed.</p><p>"That's why I said be ready."</p><p>When a cluster of vampaneze came spilling around the corner, Mika's first thought was how young they looked. He supposed they were in the same situation as the vampire clan... all hands on deck, ready or not. The vampaneze stopped about twenty feet from the vampires.</p><p>"Halt, vampires! Your kind has no business here!" Snarled the purple-skinned man at the front of the pack.</p><p>"If you don't want vampires here, maybe you shouldn't be dragging them in as captives." Mika retorted coolly.</p><p>"Your group was tracking us! Our strike was pre-emptive. If you think we're hiding the Vampaneze Lord in here, you'll be sorely disappointed." The vampaneze spat back, staring down his nose at Mika in disgust. Mika was taller than average, but this vampaneze towered over him.</p><p>"Hadn't considered that, to be honest. That would be a little too easy." Mika remarked, hoping Jakob would catch on to the fact that he was using this banter to buy him extra time to hone in on Arlo's location. And as long as Mika was talking, he was in control. Which was how he liked it.</p><p>"Leave now and we won't follow you." The vampaneze growled.</p><p>"That's very generous of you." Said Mika evenly. "Just hand over my travelling companions and we'll be on our way. They don't know anything worth your effort."</p><p>"So you can go track and harass more of our clan? Such entitlement. Disgusting." Grunted another of the vampaneze. "Must be a senior General."</p><p>Mika snorted derisively.</p><p>"I'll do you one better. I'm Sire Mika Ver Leth. I know my orders don't mean anything to you, but I can guarantee it'll be in your best interest to do what I say. Because I'm good at getting what I want. Call me entitled if you want, you can't hurt my feelings. But I'm not interested in spilling unnecessary blood here today. I won't be making this offer again, so think carefully."</p><p>"You should have kept that to yourself, Sire." Snapped the tall vampaneze, lacing the word "sire" with disgust and contempt. "Then maybe I would have considered it."</p><p>"Regardless of your clan's legendary authority issues, you still wouldn't have agreed to it either way." Mika replied, arching an eyebrow skeptically. Meanwhile the tall vampaneze narrowed his ruby-red eyes.</p><p>"No. I wouldn't have." He affirmed coldly. "Why offer, then? I know you think your time is valuable. But you're wasting mine. Either challenge us, or leave."</p><p>A chilly smile made its way across Mika's face.</p><p>"Fair enough. That was always Plan B. Will you tell us your names?" He inquired with crisp politeness.</p><p>"My name is Ector Brannon. My companions are Arnim Kors, Ryker Pierce, and Remi Sikorsky."</p><p>"Gentlemen." Said Mika with a curt nod to the rest of the vampaneze who were looking more battle-hungry by the second. "Well, I've already introduced myself. These are Jakob Wiles, Marius Veld, and Osric Cole. And the ones you captured are Arlo Bracken and Gareth Tarl. Tarl's a General, actually. Not a great one, but I'm still hoping to leave with him."</p><p>"Pleasure to make your acquaintance." Said Ector nastily. "Alright, Sire Ver Leth of the vampire clan. We challenge you and your men."</p><p>"We accept. Have at it." Mika replied. Then he paused and glanced over his shoulder at his followers who were looking less apprehensive and more determined by the second. For the first time, he felt a glimmer of pride in them. "Oh, sorry. I guess I should check first. Be a team player and all that. Do we accept?" Mika asked his group in a would-be casual manner, giving them a subtle smirk. Jakob caught Mika's eye and grinned back wickedly.</p><p>"Yes, Sire."</p><p>"Lovely. Let's go, then."</p><p>They got lucky in this case. There was one vampaneze to each vampire. The pseudo-leader of the pack - Ector - trained his gaze upon Mika as he approached. He was a tough-looking man with a fire blazing in his red eyes.</p><p>But Mika didn't hesitate. As much as he'd been a ghost of his former self in recent years, he had no trouble charging headlong towards that throng of enemies. In fact, he felt alive for the first time in months as he drew his blade and heard the metallic scrape as it connected with that of his opponent. The fear and doubt that had hung over him like a dark cloud since Kurda's betrayal evaporated, and was replaced by a steely determination and a grim sense of homecoming.</p><p>Mika may have been the "smart" Prince. He may have been more likely than say, Arrow or Vancha, to use his brain first and his brawn second. But when it came down to it, don't be fooled by his quick wit and analytical methodology. Ultimately Mika loved nothing better than a good fight. And this was a good fight.</p><p>Ector fought well, but fell upon Mika's blade in under five minutes. It was a clean kill. But not before the vampaneze had landed a few good hits of his own, and Mika knew he'd be sore tomorrow. At least he was feeling a hell of a lot better than the newly deceased Ector.</p><p>Mika made the death's touch sign, then whipped around to see how the others were faring. And honestly, they were doing better than he expected. One of the other vampaneze - Remi - was already dead. Jakob was duelling Arnim, and Osric and Marius were tag-teaming Ryker, who was also the biggest. Mika slipped in beside Jakob and distracted Arnim.</p><p>"Go get Arlo and Gareth." Mika ordered him. I've got this one."</p><p>Jakob nodded deftly and continued down the hall, stepping over the dead vampaneze.</p><p>Ector may have been the big mouth of the group but Arnim actually seemed to be a tougher fighter. Mika had his work cut out for him. It didn't help that he kept glancing over at Marius and Osric to make sure they were holding up alright. They were the least experienced of the group, and their opponent was fierce.</p><p>Then Mika felt Arnim's dagger blade lodge itself between his ribs and he figured he'd better stay in his own lane and leave his two young charges to figure it out on their own.</p><p>Fuck sakes. This is why I don't do apprentices, he thought to himself, grunting in pain as Arnim wrenched the dagger free to take another swing at him.</p><p>"Too slow, Prince!" Arnim hooted gleefully. Mika rolled his eyes and drove his sword at the vampaneze's chest. Arnim ducked just in time but Mika's blade still drew a good amount of blood as it sliced the top of his shoulder.</p><p>"Too slow, dickhead." Mika mocked disdainfully.</p><p>"Call me names it it pleases you, the you're the one trespassing!" Arnim snarled, visibly enraged at Mika's remark. "We have done nothing to you, yet you drag your men in here and act like you own the place!"</p><p>Arnim sliced his dagger quickly in the direction of Mika's throat but Mika diverted it at the last second with a flick of his sword.</p><p>"You dragged our men in to be tortured!" Mika replied in exasperation as he launched another attack which Arnim wasn't able to evade. Mika's sword caught him heavily in the side and the vampaneze stumbled as he began to bleed.</p><p>"And you wouldn't have done the same if you'd found our troop first?" Arnim growled up at Mika as he swayed. "You aren't better than us!"</p><p>Mika glared and ended Arnim's life with a deftly placed sword strike through his heart. Arnim crumbled to the floor and said no more.</p><p>"Even in death may you be triumphant." Mika grumbled, bending down to close Arnim's eyelids for the last time.</p><p>"Are you two done yet?" He sighed irritably in Osric and Marius's direction. Admittedly, Arnim's parting comments had bothered Mika more than he was willing to let on.</p><p>"We're fine, Sire!" Osric hollered as he ducked Ryker's blade. "Go help Jakob!"</p><p>"As you wish, boss." Mika replied drily, arching his eyebrows while Osric flashed him a sheepish smile.</p><p>Mika turned and headed up the corridor in the direction Jakob had gone. And then like a miracle from the gods (maybe they'd decided to take a day off from shitting on Mika's life) suddenly there was Jakob himself lurching around the corner. But he wasn't alone, he was supporting Arlo who looked to be in bad shape but was alive nevertheless. Gareth was on Arlo's other side, helping him along. Gareth didn't appear to have had a turn on the torture rack yet. Mika had to bite back a bitchy comment about how even the vampaneze didn't think Gareth was first choice material. (He'd share that with Arrow later).</p><p>"I told you. You barely needed me." Said Mika, flashing a quick, tense smile at Jakob. "Let's get the fuck out of here."</p><p>Arlo had just enough strength left to flit, but barely. So the group made their way back to a way station they'd stayed in two nights prior. This was no time to go searching for new accommodations.</p><p>Lucky it wasn't far. Relatively, anyway. But it was far enough to take a toll on Arlo's already damaged body. The young man collapsed as soon as they arrived at the way station. Mika figured that would happen, but they were safe out here so Arlo would have plenty of time to recover. Jakob and Marius carefully carried him in and did their best to make a comfortable place for him to rest and recover.</p><p>The temperature was rapidly dropping so Osric built a fire to keep somewhat warm. Then he went with Marius and Gareth to hunt a deer to eat. Mika did a brief patrol of the area to make sure there weren't any hidden threats lurking around the corner. When he returned to the way station, Jakob was still huddled in the corner of the dilapidated little shed. He was refusing to leave Arlo's side. A flicker of motion caught Mika's eye; he could've sworn he saw Jakob quickly let go of Arlo's limp hand as Mika approached.</p><p>Throughout the mission, Mika had drawn parallels from Jakob and Arlo to himself and Arrow, respectively. They were very close, they worked well together, and seemed to trust each other implicitly.</p><p>But now Mika had a different thought. Maybe Arlo wasn't Jakob's Arrow. Maybe he was Jakob's Kurda.</p><p>Also, Mika had no idea why Jakob cared if Mika witnessed them holding hands or not. Seeing as Mika himself recently had a notoriously public and notoriously tumultuous relationship with a man, after all. Of course, the clan was less concerned with the fact that it was a man, and more baffled by the fact it was Kurda. Vampires may have been backwards in a lot of ways, but in some ways they were further along than humans when it came to concepts like acceptance. Mostly they just thought it was bizarre that Mika Ver Leth, who could've had anyone he wanted, chose Kurda Smahlt. But whatever.</p><p>"How's he doing?" Mika inquired offhandedly as he sat down on the floor a few feet away.</p><p>"He's just... sleeping." Said Jakob quietly, not looking up at Mika. "I don't know what to do."</p><p>"Well, you can't really do anything right now. His body needs to rest. Heal itself from whatever they did to him. The flit didn't do him any favours but now that we're far away from that place, he can get the rest he needs." Mika explained calmly.</p><p>Jakob turned his eyes from Arlo's face to Mika's.</p><p>"What if he doesn't wake up?"</p><p>Mika allowed himself to meet Jakob's uncertain gaze with his best attempt at a reassuring expression.</p><p>"He will wake up, Jakob. I've seen much worse. Trust me."</p><p>"Worse than this?" Arlo asked, anxiety written all over his face.</p><p>Mika exhaled a breath of humourless laughter.</p><p>"You have no idea."</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> <strong>No soul knows his trouble</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>High upon his throne</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>Loved by few and judged by many</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>He bares that weight alone</strong> </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>SIX YEARS AGO:</strong>
</p><p>Hindsight being 20/20, Mika couldn't believe he'd ever looked forwards to this mission. The mission where Kurda had cheated death on an exploding rooftop when he made a sacrifice play.</p><p>Mika had a front-row view of the explosion, and he knew it would haunt his nightmares for the rest of his life. He was right.</p><p>For five minutes, he thought Kurda was dead. For five minutes he screamed as though his body was engulfed in flames like the wreckage of the hotel in front of him. He didn't know it at the time, but that was only the first of the many hits his psyche would take over the next half dozen years. The first step of a (literally) royal downward spiral. The moment Mika Ver Leth realized that he physically couldn't function in a world without Kurda Smahlt.</p><p>Mika thought he'd been in love with Kurda before that night, but it turned out he didn't even understand the true depth of it. Until sirens were wailing in the background, smoke was filling the air, and it took three grown vampires to hold him back from running into that collapsing building as if there was a chance anything could possibly be alive in there.</p><p>And as suddenly as it had begun, it was over. It was a miracle. A real-life nightmare that he'd woken up from when he heard Kurda's voice in his head calling for help.</p><p>Even years later, the memory of finding Kurda on the ground, broken and burned after leaping from the roof not a second too late, would feel like a fever dream. Mika remembered how he sat on the ground cradling Kurda as though if he relaxed his grip for a second he'd disappear again. He remembered looking up at Arrow, feeling numb and disoriented as every semblance of control slipped through his fingers. He was completely helpless. All feelings he'd never experienced to this extent, much less in the middle of a crucial clan mission. What if Kurda hadn't made it out alive? And what if Arrow or Vancha hadn't been there to take control of the mission?</p><p>Mika knew without a shadow of a doubt that if it had happened that way, he wouldn't have been able to stand back up, carry on, be the rock the others expected him to be. He would've failed as a Prince. And that was the moment the reality sank in like a suffocating blanket of fog. Love wasn't a strong enough word; the man was Mika's weakness in the purest form.</p><p>And fuck, that was a lot to process.</p><p>Kurda's injuries were extensive and even though he was alive, he was far from being out of the woods. They were lucky to find a deserted house so they could lay low and recuperate.</p><p>Kurda had fallen asleep in Mika's arms as they walked to the house, but he jerked awake and cried out in pain at the sudden movement when Mika lowered him onto the bed. Mika flinched at the sound.</p><p>"I'm sorry." He croaked. "It's okay, Kurda. You're safe, we won. You did it. I'm here. We're all here."</p><p>Arrow and Gavner carried Vancha into the bedroom across the hall and Mika could hear the green-haired Prince cussing in pain from his broken leg. Kaden Hale paused in the doorway to check on Mika and Kurda for a moment.</p><p>"I'm going to go through the house and see what medical supplies I can find for him." She said. Mika nodded, not looking up at her. "Do you need anything, Mika?" She added quietly.</p><p>"No. I'm okay." Mika mumbled, not noticing or caring that she'd addressed him by his first name.</p><p>"Arrow warned me you'd say that." Said Kaden wearily before retreating.</p><p>Mika didn't take his eyes off Kurda the entire time she was gone. Kurda was bleeding from wounds on his chest and shoulders, and his arms were marred by horrible burns. He seemed to be slipping in and out of consciousness. One minute he'd be lucid and focused on Mika, but then his eyes would glaze over and he'd become unresponsive. The overwhelming relief Mika had felt upon finding Kurda began to erode as he realized the severity of the situation; that this still might not be a happy ending.</p><p>Mika did his best to keep Kurda awake and alert. He sat on the bed, keeping a firm grip on the blond's bloodstained hand and talking to him in a low, soothing voice. But that was difficult to do when Mika had never felt less calm in his life. Even as he murmured over and over that everything was okay, Mika felt like his own lungs were closing, like all the oxygen was being sucked from the room.</p><p>It wasn't the first time he'd felt like that, nor would it be the last. But it was the first time Kurda was the catalyst of the panic. Mika had always handled stress incredibly well - a skill necessary in his line of work - but there was a certain threshold where the line was drawn. And when that limit was reached, he essentially imploded into himself and ceased to function.</p><p>And by this point he was very, very much past the limit.</p><p>Kaden quickly returned with a basket of mostly-expired ointments, wash clothes, and strips of towel she'd shredded to make bandages. Mika silently nodded his thanks and went to work.</p><p>He didn't realize how severely his hands were shaking until attempted to gently wipe the most serious of Kurda's wounds with the warm soapy cloth, and the blond General yelped in pain as the sensitive skin was disturbed. Mika recoiled in guilt and horror.</p><p>"I'm sorry, babe. I didn't mean to..." Mika gasped, throat raw from both smoke inhalation and fighting a losing battle to keep his emotions in check until Kurda was properly cared for. Mika didn't even realize Kaden was still in the room until he heard her speak:</p><p>"Are you sure you're okay? Can I help you?"</p><p>She sat down on the bed on the opposite side of Kurda and took a critical look at his wounds.</p><p>"I'm fine." Mika forced out.</p><p>"You're not fine." Kaden insisted, shooting Mika a meaningful glance. "You're shaking, you're bleeding, and you look like you're about to throw up all over him."</p><p>"Hale, go see if Sire Arrow needs your help." Mika ordered her through gritted teeth. She rolled her green eyes at him.</p><p>"He already ordered me to stay in this room and help you while he's busy splinting Sire March's leg. He also ordered me to ignore any contradicting orders from you." She informed him resignedly. Her tone was kind but her eyes said, 'Come on, man. Work with me here'.</p><p>Mika exhaled in frustration but couldn't be bothered to come back with a sarcastic comment. He rubbed his eyes tiredly and saw spots flash in his vision. For a moment he felt light-headed and it must have showed. He reached for the wash cloth again but could barely hold it in his trembling hands.</p><p>Kaden deftly reached out and placed her palm on the back of Mika's hand. He tried to meet her eyes but the room was spinning, he couldn't focus. He knew he had a concussion but he couldn't spare any mental energy on himself until Kurda was looked after.</p><p>"Just let me do it." Kaden urged in a low, determined voice as she tried to ease the cloth out of Mika's hand. "I've got this, okay? Give me the cloth... there. Thank you. Just hold his hand and keep him distracted - it's going to hurt."</p><p>Mika finally relented and sagged back into the dusty pillows of the long-forgotten bed.</p><p>"Hey. Look at me." He murmured to Kurda, his voice coming out as a harsh rasp. Kurda weakly tilted his head to the side so he could see Mika better. Kurda tried to speak but all that came out was a strained whimper.</p><p>"Shhhh..." Mika whispered. "It's okay. I'm here, babe. I got you." He leaned in as close as he could without touching the exposed wounds and carefully ran his fingers through Kurda's hair with one hand. In his other hand he held Kurda's like a lifeline and whispered a barely audible stream of reassurance every time Kurda flinched. Mika was well beyond caring that there was someone else here bearing witness to a level of vulnerability few of his clan mates would ever see. But Kaden was completely focused on the task at hand. She worked swiftly but it was still a long process. Most of the damage was too severe to be patched up with a bit of supercharged vampiric saliva. But if they could fend off infection, his body would be able to heal itself.</p><p>"That's the best we can do for now." She said at last, almost an hour later. "The rest is up to him."</p><p>"Thank you." Mika croaked out, voice brittle with exhaustion.</p><p>"Will you take care of yourself now? Or do I need to go get Arrow to hold you down so I can patch you up?" She inquired briskly in a way that reminded him strongly of Arra.</p><p>"Most of my bleeding is internal." Mika mumbled. "That's where the blood's supposed to be."</p><p>"Oh my gods. You're actually worse than Arrow and that is truly saying something." She sighed. She looked just as tired as Mika felt but there was a thin layer of amusement on her face.</p><p>"Careful, General." Said Mika, but without any real bite to his words. He slowly eased himself back onto the bed so he could lay mostly flat, but propped up on the pillows just enough so he could keep an eye on Kurda.</p><p>"My apologies, Sire." She replied, rolling her eyes ever so slightly. "Are you sure there's nothing you need? I'm just about done playing medic for the night but you might as well tell me before I put the first-aid supplies away."</p><p>Mika exhaled a long, weary sigh.</p><p>"Want my diagnosis? I have a moderate-to-severe concussion. Five broken ribs. Two on the left side, three on the right. Sprained left wrist. Not sure what's going on in my neck but Fox just about crushed it so it's seen better days and it hurts like a fucking bitch. New hairline fracture on my left collarbone but I already broke that last year, and I didn't let it heal properly so that's on me I guess. Did I mention the moderate-to-severe concussion?"</p><p>Kaden suppressed a snort of laughter.</p><p>"Sounds like you've done this before."</p><p>"Only a few hundred times. Don't worry, Hale. When I say I'm good, I'm good." Mika affirmed with finality.</p><p>"You're right. Bandages won't get you very far with all that." She admitted. "Be careful with that concussion, though. Wouldn't want you end up with permanent brain damage. Otherwise who'd make Arrow's schedules for him?"</p><p>Mika couldn't help it. He laughed at that. He regretted it immediately when a shockwave of pain sprang up from his ribs, but it was worth it for the brief moment of reprieve from a night that had been hell on earth.</p><p>"Go get some rest, Hale. That's an order." Said Mika gently when the moment had passed.</p><p>"As you wish, Sire." She replied, standing up and heading for the door.</p><p>"Good work today." Mika added as an afterthought. She turned back to smile at him, but he didn't see it. His gaze had refocused on Kurda and he didn't intend to look at anything else until he knew his other half, his better half, was going to pull through.</p><p>Mika didn't allow himself to sleep a wink. He couldn't. Even if he had to prop his eyelids open with toothpicks, he'd stay awake until Kurda came back to him.</p><p>There was an old radio in the room, he flicked it on to keep himself from drifting off. The hours ticked by until they blurred together. The only sound he heard besides the radio was the distant snores of Gavner and Vancha, and even those became white noise eventually.</p><p>Mika didn't move until the sun began to rise, then he got up to draw the blinds and darken the room before returning the bed.</p><p>Another hour passed, and finally he heard it. It was such a soft, quiet sound but it was enough to set Mika's world right-side-up once more.</p><p>"Ughhh... Mika?" Kurda whined suddenly. His eyelids began to flutter until at last Mika had an unobstructed view of those heartbreakingly perfect turquoise eyes.</p><p>"I'm here." Mika reassured him breathlessly, sitting upright and squeezing Kurda's hand. "I'm right here."</p><p>"What happened?" Kurda groaned weakly, clearly still in a lot of pain. "Did... did I make it?"</p><p>"Yeah, babe." Mika croaked. His voice broke. "You made it. Don't know how, but you made it. Fuck, Kurda... Never do that to me again."</p><p>"I'll try my best... where are we?"</p><p>"Some random human's house. No one's living in it at the moment, so we broke in. Needed somewhere safe to rest."</p><p>"Is everyone else okay?"</p><p>"Vancha broke his leg but everyone else is just banged up. How are you feeling?"</p><p>"...Like I was set on fire and thrown off a building." Kurda rasped.</p><p>"That just about covers it." Said Mika with a grim smile as tears of relief pooled in his eyes.</p><p>"How long was I out?"</p><p>"Almost five hours. You were kind of in and out of it when we first got here. Kaden cleaned you up, and you passed out while she was doing that. Do you remember any of it?" Mika asked hopefully.</p><p>"No, I don't remember anything after being on the roof." Said Kurda. "All I know is... I kept hearing your voice. I don't know if I was dreaming or not. But it felt like I was moving towards it..."</p><p>"That was real." Mika whispered. He lay down next to Kurda; taking care to keep some distance between their bodies lest he brush up against a sensitive injury, and nestled his forehead against Kurda's temple. That small amount of physical contact was enough to restore almost all of his fractured inner peace.</p><p>Inner peace was hard to come by in Mika's world. It was true that he was smart, successful, adaptable, and pretty happy on average - despite what his his chronic resting bitch face would lead you to believe. But he always had at least a hundred thoughts rattling around in his brain even at the best of times. Relaxation had never come easily to him - maybe that was why he he was so high-functioning in all aspects of his life.</p><p>But there was something about Kurda that just completely disarmed that one piece of his brain that never let him truly shut off and rest. Kurda had this supernatural ability to override Mika's borderline-neurotic need to constantly exist in a state of overdrive. All it took was one touch, one look, one word of reassurance.</p><p>Kurda was his safe place. Kurda was home.</p><p>Key word: Was.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> <strong>It's a lifelong expedition</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>Second-guessing your decisions</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>Trying to find out what's been missing</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>And the pages keep on filling</strong> </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>PRESENT DAY:</strong>
</p><p>"Sire? Hey, Sire Ver Leth? Hello?"</p><p>It wasn't until Jakob finally plucked up the courage to reach out and poke Mika in the arm that Mika jolted back to reality and realized just how far he'd travelled down memory lane.</p><p>"Fuck, sorry. I was thinking about something else." He mumbled.</p><p>"It's okay. You just looked... zoned out." Said Jakob ruefully. "I just asked if- if you were okay?"</p><p>Mika thought about that for a moment. His body ached terribly but that was the norm after a fight like that. However, there was sharp, throbbing pain localized to his right side.</p><p>"I forgot I got stabbed." He remarked, sliding his hand under his shirt and gingerly running it down his rib cage. Sure enough, he quickly located the wound. He flinched sharply as it stung, and when he withdrew his hand his fingers were covered in blood. It wasn't bleeding profusely but it wasn't doing him any favours either "Charna's Guts. That's the second time in less than two years... fuck me, right?" He chuckled as an afterthought. More to himself than to Jakob. Who looked increasingly concerned.</p><p>"The first time was at the second night of the Festival last year, before all of our lives went to shit." Mika explained conversationally. "I was wasted. Obviously. A few hours in, I realized there was a massive knife in my back. So the rest of the night was a write-off, but I came back strong for round three."</p><p>"I... I'm sorry to hear that, Sire. I hope the next Festival goes better for you." Said Jakob apprehensively, quirking an eyebrow.</p><p>"Oh, no. I had a great time. That's just how it goes sometimes." Mika clarified with a shrug. Jakob frowned. Clearly the younger man didn't quite know what to make of Mika yet. But he would.</p><p>"I suppose tonight's stabbing was probably less fun." Jakob ventured cautiously with a small smile.</p><p>"That depends. I don't suppose you packed a bottle of whiskey in your bag?" Mika asked with an entirely straight face.</p><p>"Regrettably not, Sire."</p><p>"It's alright, me neither. Paris said I had to be on my best behaviour." Said Mika frankly. He felt a strange sense of triumph as Jakob let out a weak laugh.</p><p>"Can I do anything for you?" Jakob asked ruefully. "I owe you. Your advice really helped me today. I don't know what I would have done otherwise."</p><p>"Well, I can't really get a good look at the wound. You can tell me how bad it is." Said Mika. He lifted his shirt and angled his body so Jakob could get a clear view of the wound. Jakob inched closer and dutifully surveyed the injury.</p><p>"It's pretty deep but I don't think it was a very big blade. Looks like it went right between your ribs."</p><p>"That's what it feels like. Think it needs stitches?" Mika mused. He knew the answer but he wanted to see how Jakob would respond.</p><p>"Uh... I don't know, Sire. I don't know anything about this kind of thing."</p><p>"Well, take your best guess because I can't exactly bend my neck far enough to look at it with my own eyes." Mika insisted firmly but gently. Jakob sighed.</p><p>"Okay... it's narrow. And it's a clean cut. As long as you don't let it get infected, I think you'll be okay. But you'll probably have a scar." He told Mika after a few moments of consideration.</p><p>Mika smiled wryly and pulled his shirt back down.</p><p>"Good. Was that so hard, Wiles?"</p><p>"Honestly? Yes." The younger vampire replied reproachfully, a slightly indignant gleam in his eye. "I didn't exactly sign up to provide medical consultations to the Princes. So if you die of complications, don't blame me."</p><p>Mika really had to fight to suppress a chuckle at that one. He reached into his travel bag and withdrew a cloth which he used to reach back under his shirt and dab at the wound.</p><p>"First of all, I'd have to be a special kind of incompetent to die from one little stab wound." He told Jakob bluntly. "Second of all, this is precisely what you sighed up for. No matter what the problem is, you have to be decisive."</p><p>Jakob shot him a look of profound confusion, and Mika elaborated:</p><p>"You could train for decades in Vampire Mountain. You could become the best fighter in the whole clan but that's useless if you don't know how to survive in the real world. And there's no easy way to learn those skills. It's trial and error. It's nights like tonight, having to do things you're not comfortable with, because the universe doesn't care if you feel confident or not. This is how you learn to survive." He explained patiently as Jakob listened with rapt attention.</p><p>"Look, I know you're young and you don't have enough experience to do what I expect you to do. Yet. But that's how the game works. We play with the hands we're dealt. I'm sure you'd rather be enjoying your cub years, drinking your way around the world. And that doesn't hurt my feelings, trust me. You think I wouldn't rather be working with Sire Arrow or March on this?Don't take it personally." Mika continued matter-of-factly. Jakob's eyes narrowed shrewdly as he took in the Prince's words. He looked like he was considering his words carefully, but he didn't respond directly to Mika's comment. Instead his eyes returned to his unconscious friend</p><p>"Sire, do think it's warm enough in here? For Arlo?" He asked after a moment.</p><p>"It's a little cool." Said Mika contemplatively. "Did you pack a blanket in your travel bag?"</p><p>"You're looking at it." Said Jakob woefully, gesturing at the threadbare blanket that was already wrapped around Arlo's unconscious form. Mika frowned, and reached for his own bag. He withdrew his own personal blanket, neatly folded and much thicker than Jakob's. Mika carefully unfolded it and laid it across Arlo while Jakob watched in astonishment.</p><p>"Sire, I can't let you -" he began, but Mika swiftly cut him off.</p><p>"I do what I want, Wiles. That's that on that."</p><p>"I... I... Thank you." Jakob choked out, his face reddening.</p><p>"Now what I want is to go sit outside by the fire. I suspect the others will be back with meat soon, then I'll help them prepare it." Mika added. "But you should probably stay in here with Arlo in case he wakes up, yeah?"</p><p>"Yeah. I'll definitely do that." Jakob rasped.</p><p>"Good." Said Mika nonchalantly as he rose to his feet. But he paused before he reached the doorframe. "Oh, you should try talking to Arlo. There's a good chance he can hear you, even while he's out of it. It'll... it'll help. Trust me."</p><p>Mika hadn't been strong after the mission years ago when he almost lost Kurda. Ultimately he still lost Kurda in the end, but he made it though to the other side. And never again would he allow himself be that weak. Not when other vampires were counting on him to for direction and stability. Only now did he understand that putting his heart and soul in someone else's was the most dangerous thing he'd ever done.</p><p>When the other vampires returned with the deer they'd hunted, Mika thanked them graciously and proceeded to help them skin and cook it, as if he wasn't accustomed to being waited on every day of his life. He helped them tend the campfire, and later he told them a slightly amusing story about the first time he went on a solo mission with Arrow and they botched it completely. They shared a laugh, and for the first time the team would start feeling like a team.</p><p>Because when it all came down to it, the truth was they were in the early stages of what was looking like a long, ugly war. Vampire Mountain was thousands of miles away and neither the universe, the wilderness nor the enemy cared that Mika was a Prince, or that Gareth was a (shitty) General, or that the others were just a ragtag band of inexperienced but determined cubs.</p><p>Mika would step up and be the leader he needed to be, but the era of snarky comments and "Hey you, fetch my Starbucks" had run its course. Now Mika regretted it had happened at all. It wasn't fair to the clan, or to his team. It had taken a near-miss for him to realize they deserved so much better than what he'd been giving him. The aftershock of Kurda's betrayal had all but taken Mika out of the game, but he hadn't yet dug himself into a hole so deep he couldn't pull himself back out.</p><p>And when he did, his team was there waiting for him. He didn't deserve their respect yet, but he intended to earn it. And for that opportunity, he considered himself damn lucky.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> <strong>Crying out</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>Ooh go and wake the king</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>Call to arms</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>For those who kiss the ring</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>Stand your ground</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>Yeah the walls are coming down</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>It's do or die</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>Do or die</strong> </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>ONE YEAR LATER:</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>PS: Good evening, Mika.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: It's been a while, Paris. Thought you forgot about me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS: Couldn't if I tried. And I must admit, at one point last year I did try.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Ouch.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS: Status report?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Making progress. Caught a lone vampaneze last month. Didn't get much from him but the way he phrased his words suggested the Vampaneze Lord hasn't been blooded yet.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS: Well, that's reassuring. I have a job for you. Yebba's strike team is about six hundred miles east of you. They were attacked yesterday. Their numbers were cut in half, and the survivors are injured gravely. I need you to go protect them while they're weak. Under normal circumstances the injured would go seek an honourable death, but -</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: - but these circumstances aren't normal. I know.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS: Precisely. We can't afford to waste good men right now.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: We'll go to them first thing tomorrow night.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS: Good. And how are you doing, Mika?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Better. Honestly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS: You seem better. I'm relieved.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Had a rocky start but the team's started to click. They work well together. They're still green but they're learning.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS: I'm sure that's a total coincidence and has nothing to do with you finally pulling your head out of your own ass.</em>
</p><p>Mika laughed out loud, and Gareth promptly snapped awake at the sound. (They were currently crammed like sardines in an underground cave to wait out the daylight. Everyone was sleeping except for Mika).</p><p>"Are you talking to Sire Arrow again? With all due respect, I'd prefer if you didn't tell him the story about me falling out of the tree last week." Gareth mumbled sleepily.</p><p>"Just giving Paris a status report." Mika corrected. "Sorry to wake you. And don't worry, I won't be debuting that story til next council. Can't do it justice without the sound effects." He added seriously.</p><p>Gareth shot him a reproachful glare but there was good-humoured gleam in his eye. Yes, Mika even sort of got along with Gareth these days.</p><p>
  <em>PS: Still awake?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Yeah. Sorry. And you're right, it's definitely just a coincidence.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS: Regardless, I'm very pleased to see your old self is making a return. He was missed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Thanks, Paris. I won't fail you again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS: My dear, you've never failed me. Not even when I've implied otherwise.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: While inaccurate, I appreciate the sentiment. Thanks for calling me out on my bullshit. I didn't want to hear it then, but I needed to.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS: Pressure makes diamonds. I have to be hard on you because no one else will.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: When this war is over, I think I'd like to just be an average rock for a while.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS: I don't think you'd be very good at being average. But if we win this war, you're welcome to try.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: I miss you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS: I miss you too.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> <strong>Heavy is the head that wears the crown</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>Heavy is the head that wears the crown</strong> </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Y'all. Mika has been such a brat lately. I can't even with this man. He's needing less of a hug and more of a kick in the ass at this point. But even though he's a perfect angel boy in my eyes, we all know he is a very flawed individual. But you know what? That makes me love him even more.</p><p>Next chapter is very almost done and I'm optimistic it'll be up tomorrow. If not then, the next day.</p><p>Have a great week everyone! :)</p><p>- Roxy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. We Built This Right</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>When there ain't a crack in the foundation, Baby, I know any storm we're facing<br/>Will blow right over while we stay put. The house don't fall when the bones are good</p><p>***</p><p>Almost six years post-Kurdapocalypse, Mika takes a brief holiday from hunting the Vampaneze Lord to spend a week camping out in Gracie's apartment where his biggest dilemma is what to order on Uber Eats. And the worst thing about her new boyfriend is the fact that he plays golf. At least one of the Ver Leths is living the dream, right?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>There are 2 types of chapters, guys.</p><p>There's the ones that feel like a chore so you get through as quickly as you can, then you post them and even if you're not satisfied with them, you're happy because they're not your problem anymore. (See chapters 6 and 7).</p><p>Then there's the ones that you lovingly work away at over weeks or possibly months, reading it over a few hundred thousand times and finding something new to add each time until it's finally exactly what you wanted. But then you're almost hesitant to post it because then it's out there, and that means you don't get to work on it anymore. And that's what this chapter is. I'm going to miss having in my notes app. It's a totally different vibe than anything else in this story and I thoroughly enjoyed writing every word of it.</p><p>This chapter is very Gracie-centric. Which is funny because once again I'll be the first to admit I have very limited interest in OCs for the most part so if the filthy hypocrite shoe fits me, I'll lace it up and wear it. Gracie was never meant to truly become an OC. I invented her in about five minutes and named her after a horse I had at the time. This all started because I thought the concept of M and K trying to raise a small child was a fun plot device to bring them together against their wishes.</p><p>Then the story grew and I moved further away from my original plan of slowly writing Gracie out of the plot line by having her grow up off-screen in the human world. I just really love her dynamic with Mika because she brings out a totally different side that contradicts what we see from Darren's POV in the source material. And I sort of fell in love with that part of him. He's not a perfect person and he's very much stumbling his way through fatherhood, but all he knows is that he loves his baby human and he's trying his best.</p><p>TLDR; this AU started with me going, lmaoooo what if 2 vampires tried to raise a baby in the mountain and fell in love in the process? :P :D ;)</p><p>And that quickly turned into, holy shit what IF 2 vampires tried to raise a baby in the mountain and fell in love in the process?!</p><p>Also, Gracie drives a CR-V because I drive a CR-V and I've always had a thing about sprinkling my stories with personal things like that.</p><p>Anyway, I think it's about time to get started. I know that was a long A/N and I apologize but it was actually relevant to the chapter so I allowed myself to ramble.</p><p>Enjoy.</p><p>Chapter 7: We Built This Right</p><p>Song: The Bones by Maren Morris.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <strong>We're in the homestretch of the hard times</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>We took a hard left, but we're alright</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Yeah, life sure can try to put love through it, but</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>We built this right, so nothing's ever gonna move it</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Mika hadn't truly rested since leaving Vampire Mountain almost five years ago. It had been day after day, week after week of walking, flitting, searching, fighting, hunting, analyzing, and overall mind-numbing exhaustion. He'd always thrived on that sort of thing, an incorrigible workaholic. But now, it was time for a rest. His mind and body ached constantly. His motivation was fading and every night he found it harder to get up and do the same thing all over again.</p><p>Once he started clicking with his team mates, it turned out time outside the mountain had been exactly what he needed. Out in the world he could actually move from Point A to Point B without being reminded of Kurda at every turn. He missed Arrow though, who was off doing all the same things Mika was doing but in different places. In a time like this, it made more sense for them to divide and conquer. He missed Paris, who was back home keeping Vampire Mountain in order. And he even missed Darren. Even for all his quirks and naivety, he was a good kid. Technically now he was an adult, but until he looked like one it would be hard to think of him as anything but a scruffy, smiling tweenager. But he was family now. An unexpected addition, but family nonetheless. So Mika missed him too.</p><p>Barely a decade ago, Mika never would've believed he was capable of falling victim to burnout. Not him, not ever. He was too determined, too single-minded, too ambitious to drop the ball even for a second. Concepts like "needing a break" were for lesser mortals, not for Mika Ver Leth. Sometimes he felt like he'd aged more in the past ten years than the rest of his life combined.</p><p>So after another discouraging month of trekking through the wilderness, he led his pack of troops into the city and told them, "We'll meet up back here in one week. Til then, go nuts."</p><p>Then he headed downtown alone.</p><p>As Mika had travelling closer and closer to her city, Gracie had been putting a lot of thought into the purchase of her first car. She did her research and chose a compact SUV. Something dependable, economical, with a high crash test safety rating and excellent resale value. Small enough to be able to park with ease, but big enough to pack up her entire life and move if she ever felt like doing so. It was the sensible, practical choice. Not too flashy, but it would serve its purpose. That aspect of the decision was ultimately a result of being raised (partially) by a Smahlt.</p><p>But she also opted for the high-end package. Fancy rims, leather seats, grade-A sound system, backup camera, heated wheel, hands-free navigation, and a million other things she probably wouldn't use but wanted to have anyway, just because she could. That decision was pure Ver Leth, and that was why she also ordered custom license plates that said just that.</p><p>She'd had the jet black CR-V for about a week when Mika dropped in for a surprise visit. All the apartment buildings in this city looked so similar and he wasn't one hundred percent sure he had the right place. He'd only been here a couple times before. But as he slipped through the parking lot at about 11pm, he had to stop and do a double-take when something on one of the vehicles caught his eye.</p><p>He let out a soft chuckle at the custom license plate that read "VERLETH". He was definitely in the right place.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>When the bones are good, the rest don't matter</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Yeah, the paint could peel, the glass could shatter</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Let it rain 'cause you and I remain the same</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Gracie figured she should be going to bed, but she felt wide awake. She'd just spent the past four hours reading over documents for the court case she was working on. It went to trial tomorrow and she was looking forwards to it. She'd only been a legal associate for three months but she loved every second of it. She had a pretty sweet deal at the best law firm in the city, and the pay wasn't half bad either.</p><p>"I don't know how you do it. Nothing phases you. Is it yoga? Drugs? Seriously, tell me your secrets." One of the senior partners told her seriously one day, after having to deal with a particularly aggravating client and their lawyer who'd reverted to taking some low blows during a deposition. Gracie talked them both down in a matter of minutes, and walked away with an even better settlement deal than expected.</p><p>Nah, just raised by vampire royalty. There's no human alive that scares me. She thought to herself.</p><p>She'd finally set her court documents aside for the night and was re-watching The Office on Netflix for the hundredth time when she heard someone knocking at her balcony door. She didn't flinch; she lived on the 7th floor and there was only one person on the planet who ever entered from the outside. She smiled to herself, walked over to the door, and slid the blinds open. Mika was standing on the other side of the glass, looking tired but very pleased with himself. Gracie rolled her eyes but grinned as she slid the door open.</p><p>"You know, I'd get you a door key made if I thought you'd use it. But I know you won't."</p><p>Mika snorted as he walked inside.</p><p>"My way's more fun."</p><p>"Yeah, it's all fun and games til someone calls the police because there's a man spotted crawling a hundred feet up a high rise wall." She chuckled. "Nice to see you, Dad."</p><p>Mika hugged her tightly and kissed the top of her head.</p><p>"Missed you, Princess. I was only a thousand kilometres away so I thought I'd flit in for a visit."</p><p>"Got tired of camping again?" She chuckled, grinning up at him.</p><p>"I was tired of camping about five minutes after I left Vampire Mountain. You know how I feel about roughing it. Just because I can doesn't mean I want to." Said Mika as he wandered through the living room.</p><p>"Yes, Dad. I know exactly how much of a princess you are. Ver Leths are snobs. Why do you think I own a two thousand dollar purse? It's all your fault." Said Gracie with a smirk.</p><p>"Is that still a lot? Inflation's different every time I leave the mountain. I can't keep track."</p><p>"Yeah, it's a lot."</p><p>"I'm sure it was worth it." Mika shrugged. He had nowhere near enough extra mental bandwidth to worry about how much his adult daughter chose to spend on a handbag. He's not like regular dads. He's a Cool Dad.</p><p>"I figured you'd understand. How long are you in town for this time?" She asked, opening her fridge and digging out a cold can of beer. Mika's face lit up like a firework display as she gently tossed it to him.</p><p>"A full week, if that's alright with you. My men needed a break, so I told them they had seven days to relax. And then I came here."</p><p>Mika eagerly cracked open the can and took a long drink. They may not have been nearly as strong, but human drinks tasted so much better than Vampire Mountain's home-brewed offerings.</p><p>"Well, my home is your home. Whenever you need it." Said Gracie. "At least I don't have a roommate anymore. Remember when you accidentally traumatized Sophie?"</p><p>"I was minding my own business. She was rude." Mika grumbled.</p><p>"To be fair, most people would call the police if they walked into their kitchen and found a large man dressed like a biker gang member, standing there holding a gigantic bloody sword and drinking her wine straight from the bottle. She was within her rights for that one."</p><p>"I didn't see her name on it."</p><p>"Right. That makes it better. We were lucky I was able to convince her you were just really into cosplay."</p><p>"What the fuck is cosplay? Actually, I don't want to know. Do you have those chips I like? I haven't eaten in a day and a half."</p><p>"I'm sure I have a snack somewhere. I wish I knew you were coming!" She grinned. "I would've gone grocery shopping."</p><p>He looked quizzically at her as he flopped contentedly onto her couch as though he owned the place.</p><p>"Do you not normally go grocery shopping?"</p><p>"I work about 60 hours a week, Dad. I live on takeout and caffeine." She clarified, raising an eyebrow and sitting down beside him.</p><p>"I feel like I'm supposed to tell you that isn't healthy, but it would be hypocritical coming from me. And honestly, I just want to hear how your new job is going." Said Mika with a rueful grin. She laughed.</p><p>"I love it. Nothing but good feedback so far. I'm way too busy and it's insane, but I like it that way."</p><p>She spent the next hour telling him about her coworkers, her clients, her case load, and everything else. She paused every now and then when Mika asked her to explain the nuances of human laws. He found it all very interesting but it was almost impossible to keep up with the intricacies the human legal system when you have a vampire clan to run and no internet or television access.</p><p>"Would you like to go to Starbucks?" Mika asked innocently around midnight. It wasn't something he got to enjoy often, but he sure loved the few chances he got to indulge in overpriced beverages. Contrary to popular belief, he prefers vanilla lattes over black coffee. He's a complicated individual.</p><p>"Don't you mean, can I drive you there AND pay for your coffee like every other time, because you don't have a dollar to your name?" Gracie snorted with great amusement. Mika sighed in exasperation.</p><p>"Might I remind you I'm one of the most respected vampires in the entire clan? I have more power than most human world leaders-"</p><p>"Power and glory won't buy you a latte, Mika."</p><p>Mika glared at her but didn't try very hard to hide his smile.</p><p>"Well then, can I borrow four dollars?"</p><p>She rolled her blue eyes at him. Not for the first time, it crossed Mika's mind how it had to be another cruel prank of the gods how much she looked like Kurda despite not being biologically related.</p><p>"I'll put it on your tab." She smirked.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>When there ain't a crack in the foundation</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Baby, I know any storm we're facing</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Will blow right over while we stay put</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>The house don't fall when the bones are good</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>They made their way down to the ground floor by elevator.</p><p>"Hold on one second." Said Gracie, pausing at the wall of numbered mail slots. She located her own and unlocked it. "Ah, finally. My new driver's license came."</p><p>She tore open the envelope, inspected the small plastic card, and giggled.</p><p>"It looks like a mug shot." She noted, turning it over to show Mika. He also chuckled at the stony, unflattering glare she was wearing in the photo but the laugh died in his throat as he read the name on the card. Grace Arra Ver Leth. "Smahlt" was nowhere to be found.</p><p>"So you really went through with legally changing your name?" Mika sighed heavily.</p><p>"Did you think I was joking?" She retorted, all warmth gone from her demeanour. "I don't want anything tying me to him."</p><p>"No, I guess I'm not really surprised." Said Mika gently as they continued to walk down the quiet hallway towards the doors.</p><p>"You don't sound impressed." She replied bluntly.</p><p>"I'm not going to tell you how you should be feeling, Gracie. It's been almost six years and I'm still figuring it out. But he's still part of you. You can change your name, and if that makes you feel better than I support you. But you can't change who you are."</p><p>"I'm adopted." She reminded Mika coolly. "I don't share his blood. That means I choose who gets to be part of me. I choose you, not him. He lost that right, so why wouldn't I change my name?"</p><p>Mika nodded politely but didn't argue. Her words stung in a way he didn't fully understand but he didn't know what to say, so he said nothing. They slipped through the revolving glass doors and he inhaled the night air, but frowned. The air here was so heavy and bitter compared to the fresh, crisp atmosphere around Vampire Mountain. They made their way across the parking lot to the car Mika had noticed earlier.</p><p>"You didn't tell me you bought a car." He commented.</p><p>"How do you know it's mine?" She replied sarcastically, but with a twinkle in her eye as they admired the brand new custom plates bearing the name they shared.</p><p>"I get to take it for a drive, right?" Mika inquired seriously.</p><p>"Not a chance." She cackled as she clicked the automatic unlock button and slid behind the wheel. "Remember when you picked me up in that huge SUV you rented for the weekend when I was little? You kept running red lights. Dad - I mean, Kurda - just about had a heart attack. Don't even get me started on the parallel parking. It took half an hour, you both cried, some lady yelled at you, and we were late for the last day of the soccer tournament."</p><p>"Come on. It's 12:30 at night. There's hardly anyone on the road. The car has my name on it! Literally!"</p><p>"Because I paid extra to put it there, and it's my name too!"</p><p>"Only because I let you use it." Mika pointed out.</p><p>"Whatever. You can ride shotgun, or you can walk yourself to Starbucks and ask for a free cup of water because for all that respect and honour, you still don't have a salary. Sire." Said Gracie with great finality.</p><p>Mika couldn't argue with that. He smiled as he entered through the passenger side, but he experienced a pang of sadness as well. He'd felt proud when he'd walked past the car earlier and noticed the custom plates. But now he wondered if it was less of a nod to him and more of a "fuck you" to Kurda.</p><p>In the Starbucks drive-thru Gracie ordered a two pumpkin spice lattes and a half-dozen cake pops, then they went across the road to McDonald's for some actual food. Once that was procured they sat in the car in the empty lot so they could talk openly, without worrying about nearby humans overhearing phrases like "Vampire Mountain".</p><p>"I like this one. Not as much as the vanilla, but top five for sure." Mika declared after taking a sip of his latte.</p><p>"You're so basic." Gracie snorted. There then followed a ten minute explanation of what "basic" meant in that context. Mika, being plenty comfortable with his masculinity, decided there were much worse things a person could be called and continued to enjoy his latte.</p><p>"So... how are you doing, Gracie?" Mika asked cautiously after a while, as he munched his way through the extra large box of fries. There was a new gravity to his tone that hadn't been there during the lighthearted conversation they'd been having until that point.</p><p>"There's good days and bad days. I'm lucky to have so much going on at work. I don't have much time to think about Kurda." She replied crisply.</p><p>Mika sighed. Maybe as time passed it would become less jarring to hear her call him by his first name so coldly.</p><p>"But when I do think of him... I can't decide whether I want to never see him again, or track him down and demand some answers for what he did to us. And then never see him again." She continued. Her voice was even but Mika could see tears gleaming in her eyes as the streetlights illuminated them.</p><p>"I understand that." Said Mika very quietly. She turned in her seat to glare at him.</p><p>"You were at his trial. And you got to say goodbye. I didn't even get that much. One day he's sending me back to school like nothing's wrong, then barely a month later you show up and tell me he committed high treason, attempted murder, ACTUAL murder, and has been dishonourably exiled because he thought it would save the world or something? I know you didn't get much closure either, but it's more than I got."</p><p>Mika flinched as if she'd punched him in the face but kept his voice low and steady.</p><p>"I don't know what you want me to tell you, Gracie. I hate that you got caught up in this. I'd do anything to go back in time and stop it from happening."</p><p>"I don't need you to tell me anything." She replied quietly, taking a long sip of her latte. "I'm just glad you're here."</p><p>"I'm glad I'm here too. I'll remind you what I told you that day I came to the school." Said Mika. "I love you. I'm always going to be on your side. And I'm more proud of you than you can possibly understand."</p><p>An easy silence lingered in the car for a moment. A light rain began to fall. Gracie unbuckled her seatbelt so she could lean over and give Mika a hug.</p><p>"Love you more." She told him. "And I'm proud of you too."</p><p>They took the long way home so Gracie could show Mika the building she worked in. It was incredible; it was the tallest building on the street and it seemed to go on forever. Mika was immediately reminded of a sleek, modernized version of Vampire Mountain. The executive offices at the top floors would be the equivalent of the Hall of Princes. And that was exactly where Gracie aimed to end up someday. And Mika didn't have a single shadow of a doubt that she'd get there. After all, she was his daughter.</p><p>"I'm dating someone." Gracie said out of nowhere as they pulled back into her apartment parking lot.</p><p>"Really?" Said Mika, feeling a faint twinge of excitement. Wow, he'd almost forgotten that felt like. "Is it serious?"</p><p>"I don't know. It's pretty new, but he's a great guy. His name is Dale. He actually works in the same building as me, but for a different company. He's in finance. We met at the pretzel stand outside the building."</p><p>"I love those pretzels. Can you bring one home for me tomorrow?" Said Mika, momentarily distracted.</p><p>"You can have as many pretzels as you want." Said Grace with a wry smile as she rolled her eyes. "Now do you want to hear about my boyfriend or not?"</p><p>"Yes. Sorry. Tell me everything."</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Call it dumb luck, but baby, you and I</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Can't even mess it up, though we both try</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>No, it don't always go the way we planned it</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>But the wolves came and went and we're still standing</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>There was something profoundly soothing about waking up in a clean, soft bed in a dark room, to the gentle hum of the air conditioning and the distant sound of city traffic below. Mika slept soundly in Grace's guest bedroom from about 2AM til noon the following day. It was the first time he'd visited since her roommate moved out, so it was nice to have a proper bed instead of the couch. But anything would've been an upgrade from the various accommodations he'd camped in since leaving the mountain.</p><p>He made his way into the kitchen and immediately spied the note she'd left on the table before heading to work that morning.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>'Good morning Dad! I didn't want to wake you up so here's what you need to know:</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>1- DON'T TOUCH THE OVEN. You think you know how it works, but you don't. I ordered you a large pizza, it'll arrive at 1pm. I already paid online. All you have to do is open the door when they knock.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>2- You can use the shower or the bathtub and anything else in the bathroom - but not the purple shampoo. It's expensive and you're not blonde.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>3- I set the TV to that news channel you always watch when you visit. Press the red button to turn it on.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>4- I have a bag of your clothes you left here last time you visited. They're clean, in the bathroom cabinet, bottom shelf. You can put your dirty clothes in the blue bin.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>5- I brewed a pot of coffee for when you wake up. If you want it hot, press the big button and wait a bit. If you want it cold, there's ice in the freezer and creamer in the fridge. Cups and mugs are in the cupboard above the sink.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>6- I'll be home around 5pm. We can go out for supper if you want. My treat (this time).</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Happy relaxing! See you later.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Love, G. xoxo'</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Mika smiled. This was going to be a good vacation.</p><p>After throwing his travel-worn clothes into the washing machine, Mika ran himself a bubble bath. He made sure to read the all the bottles so as not to use the forbidden purple shampoo (as intriguing as it was). He didn't get to enjoy that kind of luxury very often but he could vividly recall every bubble bath he'd taken in the past two-ish decades. Let's rewind.</p><p>One: Crappy motel in the middle of nowhere. The night he, along with Kurda, rescued Gracie from the scene of the vampaneze massacre. A bubble bath hadn't been in the plan, but Mika's first attempt at a diaper changing ended up with baby Gracie sitting in the sink in a bubble bath of her own, and Mika re-thinking his entire life in the tub a few feet away. Kurda sure got a good laugh out of that one. As far as either of them knew, they'd be dropping Gracie off an at orphanage the following night and not looking back. They had no idea it was the first night of a new era.</p><p>Two: Expensive Hotel. Mika was there on clan business, but the timing worked out so Kurda and Gracie tagged along for the first half of the week to enjoy something of a family vacation. Except they weren't calling themselves a family at that point. Back then, they were still just a couple of co-workers who also happened to be co-parents. On the first night they crashed a wedding reception and found themselves on the dance floor at 3:30am. That night ended with them getting wine drunk, and the nexts day began with the two of them sharing the massive en-suite tub, hungover as hell amidst a sea of bubbles. Several days later they inadvertently had their first kiss.</p><p>Three: Another expensive Hotel. The pseudo-honeymoon he'd taken with Kurda shortly after the official start of their relationship. Gracie had been eight back then. They'd made the trek from Vampire Mountain to watch her soccer tournament, complete with human clothes and false aliases. Yes, that was the same weekend the parallel parking incident occurred. Remember Mike and Kyle?</p><p>After dropping Gracie back off at school, the two of them checked in at the most luxurious hotel in the city. It had been Mika's idea. They'd spent a few days in total bliss, doing nothing but lounging in the king size bed, alternating between ordering room service and attempting to cook in the en-suite kitchen, taking bubble baths, watching stupid things on television, and falling harder in love with every passing second.</p><p>Looking back now, none of those even seemed like real memories. Nowadays those good years felt like a fever dream. To prevent himself from going down that rabbit hole, he decided this would be a good time to check in with Paris.</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Taking good care of my mountain?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS: Hello Mika.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: You'll never believe where I am.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS: Do I want to know?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: I'm in a bubble bath with an entire large pizza sitting on a tray next to me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS: Sounds luxurious. Have you decided vampirism is no longer for you?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Just for the week. My men needed a break so I went to visit Gracie. She's got her own place now. It's nice.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS: Glad you're taking some time. Gods know you need it. How's my grand-human?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Better than you could possibly imagine. She has an amazing job and she's so good at it. Going to be a damn good lawyer some day. She just bought herself a new car, and her apartment is nice. She's at work for a few more hours, then she's taking me out for supper. This is surreal.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS. That does my heart good. Don't be so surprised, though. She's a Ver Leth after all. You've always been a magnet for success yourself.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Maybe so, but I was starting to think I'd peaked way back then. Now for the first time in years I actually feel like I did something right.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS: You've done so much right. Give her a hug from me, and another from Seba. We miss having her here.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: She was asking about you too. She misses spending summers in Vampire Mountain. Speaking of children in the mountain that technically shouldn't be there, how's the kid Prince?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS: Let's just say... Larten is in his element.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Mika snorted out loud.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Oh gods, I can just imagine. Bet he wishes he hadn't turned his own investiture down.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS: Well, he's got the best of both worlds now. All of the power, but none of the actual responsibility. Darren just does whatever he tells him mostly. If it was anyone but Larten, I wouldn't be so sure about the arrangement. But it works.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Glad to hear it. He's not sitting in my throne, is he?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS: I told them both if they so much as think about sitting in your throne, there's nothing I can do to save them from your wrath.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Perfect.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS: I must go. A conference is about to begin. Enjoy your time with your daughter.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Cheers. Take care of yourself. Give everyone my best.</em>
</p><p>Paris disconnected and Mika was alone with his thoughts again. But they didn't feel so heavy now. He reached for another slice of pizza and relished the rare moment of luxury he was currently experiencing. He knew it wouldn't last. He knew there'd be many more nights of living rough and fighting for his life in the future. But for now, it felt good to be happy again.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>When the bones are good, the rest don't matter</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Yeah, the paint could peel, the glass could shatter</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Let it rain 'cause you and I remain the same</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>On the third night of Mika's stay, he got to meet Gracie's boyfriend. To prepare, she went to the mall after work and picked out a "normal" outfit for him. To his great exasperation.</p><p>"Gracie, I dress better than just about every other vampire in this clan. Most of them don't even own toothbrushes. I'm more civilized than you're giving me credit for." Mika chided her from the other side of the closed guest room door. He was trying on the pair of blue jeans she'd brought, and it was truly bizarre to look down and see so much colour on his body.</p><p>"I'm doing you a favour. You look like you just walked off the set of a Sons of Anarchy/Game of Thrones crossover episode." Her voice drifted back through the door.</p><p>"Because I know what both of those things are." Mika huffed.</p><p>"Just put it on and try not to look too intimidating!"</p><p>"I never try to look intimidating!" He protested. "I just am!"</p><p>He threw on the accompanying shirt and took one more glance in the mirror. It was a red and black plaid button-down and as much as he wanted to be crabby about breaking his monochromatic streak, he honestly didn't think it looked terrible. With that said, if anyone but his daughter told him he needed to upgrade his wardrobe, he would have laughed in their face and walked away.</p><p>Now fully dressed, Mika opened the door and presented himself to his would-be stylist.</p><p>"Well? How do I look?"</p><p>She nodded approvingly.</p><p>"Almost human. Let's go. Oh, and you're paying for dinner." Gracie added as she rummaged in her purse. (Her 2000 Louis Vuitton purse).</p><p>"Am I?" Mika inquired, arching an eyebrow.</p><p>"This is my credit card. Put it in your pocket." Said Gracie, pulling a little plastic square from her wallet and handing it to Mika. "When they bring the bill, just say you've got it. Then he'll hand you a plastic machine and all you have to do is tap it."</p><p>"Why don't you just do it?"</p><p>"Because paying for dinner nice gesture. Dale will offer to pay, but don't let him. I want you to make a good impression." Gracie explained with exasperation.</p><p>"My natural charm isn't enough?"</p><p>"Almost, but we're going to play it safe." She snorted.</p><p>Gracie had always been highly entertained by her father's complete indifference to the economy of the human world. She was constantly exposed to extremely wealthy people in her line of work, and she found it incredibly funny how many similarities there were between their attitudes and that of her father. The funny part being that Mika didn't have a penny to his name, yet he gave off unmistakeable Rich Guy Energy.</p><p>She supposed it made sense, in a way. Mika existed in the top tier of a society where the currency was blood, sweat, and honour. In his world he had unlimited power, influence, and the resources to do just about anything he wanted. By vampire standards, he was very much a rich man.</p><p>But as she often teased him, none of that stuff would pay the bills.</p><p>They met up with Dale at a steakhouse. Dale arrived about five minutes after they did. Gracie waved him over and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.</p><p>"So pleased to meet you, Mr. Ver Leth! Grace has told me so much about you." Said Dale with a grin, reaching out to shake Mika's hand.</p><p>Mr. Ver Leth... Mika suppressed a snort of amusement at how absurdly mundane that sounded. He'd been called a lot of things, but Mr. was not in the usual rotation.</p><p>"Likewise, Dale." He replied with a polite smile.</p><p>Mika's first impression of Dale was that he looked about a interesting as a slice of white bread. He had a kind, honest face and Mika supposed that had to count for something, but everything from his hair to his clothes was just... blah. Then again, Mika was used to hanging out with vampires so maybe he wasn't the best judge. He kept an open mind.</p><p>They ordered some drinks and appetizers while making small talk.</p><p>"So what do you do for fun, Dale?" Mika asked conversationally.</p><p>"I can't remember the last time I had fun! Been chained to my desk lately. Mostly light reading and video games these days. Oh, and I play golf when my schedule allows." Dale explained amicably.</p><p>"Ah, golf. Thrilling." Said Mika. If there was one sport on the planet he didn't understand the allure of, that was certainly it. He golfed exactly one time. It was on the honeymoon-thing with Kurda. Kurda had always wanted to try his hand at golf, so Mika figured why not? He was good at every vampire sport. He'd be good at golf too.</p><p>It had been the longest three hours of Mika's life. After losing 20 balls in a row, he proceeded to storm off, wrap his nine-iron around a tree, then throw the mangled club in a lake, and spent the rest of the game getting drunk in the golf cart while Kurda continued to play earnestly. He'd been annoyingly competent at it.</p><p>"Dale's a pretty good golfer." Said Gracie, shooting Dale a mischievous smile and elbowing him in the ribs. "...until his asthma kicks in after he swings too hard."</p><p>"That was ONE time." Dale sighed. "Fine, it was two times..." he added as Gracie arched her eyebrows at him.</p><p>"I play a few rounds with him sometimes." Said Gracie offhandedly. "I'm not bad."</p><p>"You're actually really good considering you purposely use the wrong clubs just to upset me." Dale chuckled. Then he looked across at Mika. "I kid you not, last month she came out with me and some buddies, and she almost got a hole in one... using a putter!"</p><p>"A putter?!" Mika gasped with mock disbelief. He didn't know what the fuck a putter was. Judging by Gracie's snort of laughter, she picked up on Mika's feigned amusement. Dale clearly did not.</p><p>"I know, right?! I keep telling her she should sign up for proper lessons! Then she'd be unstoppable."</p><p>"I'm already unstoppable." Gracie replied with a dry smirk. "Remember when-"</p><p>"You drove away in the golf cart and left me and Evan at the other side of the course, and we couldn't catch up with you on foot. I remember. You were unstoppable, alright." Dale reminisced with a groan. He rolled his eyes at her, yet there was a fond gleam in them. "Hey, speaking of driving. How are you liking the new car?" He added.</p><p>"It's been great! The satellite radio was definitely the way to go. And the heated seats? Use them every day. And you told me it'd be a waste of money." Gracie replied smugly.</p><p>"Fair enough." Said Dale. "My lease on the Jetta is up next month. I think I'm going to upgrade to a newer model."</p><p>"Another Jetta?" Gracie replied, visibly exasperated. "What, so you can spend the next three years still drooling over that M6 every time you drive by the BMW dealer? Come on, I thought you were finally ready to take the plunge! You were so sure last month."</p><p>"I know... but I don't really need a BMW." Said Dale with a smile that almost looked a little sad. "It's so expensive-"</p><p>"So what? You never buy anything nice for yourself. You were still wearing shirts from high school when we started dating! Besides, I know you can afford it. That's the only thing I've taken away from your daily updates on your investments." Gracie added.</p><p>"Yeah, but it'd probably be better just put all that in my RRSP-"</p><p>Gracie laughed breezily</p><p>"You're such an old man!" She said. "Come on. If you only do one exciting thing in your life, let it be buying the car you've wanted since you were ten."</p><p>Her tone was light and teasing, and Dale smiled ruefully and mumbled something vague and non-committal in reply.</p><p>There was no doubt about it, Gracie may have "inherited" Kurda's gentle soul and kind nature, but she also had Mika's wild heart. And if Dale had a catchphrase, Mika was pretty sure it would've been "Born To Be Mild".</p><p>Mika casually sipped his beer and watched their exchange with casual interest. He didn't mind playing the role of the spectator in this situation. He rarely got to watch Gracie interact with other humans.</p><p>"What do you drive, Mr. Ver Leth?" Dale asked. Once again Mika had to stifle a smirk at "Mr." . Then he realized he only knew one make and model of vehicle, so he went with that.</p><p>"I have an Escalade." Mika replied conversationally. His eyes met Gracie's across the table and there was a secret understanding between them, like two best friends sharing an inside joke that no one else knew about. She too was thinking about the bizarrely magical weekend when both her dads had picked her up from school and played human in that impractically massive SUV that proved nightmarish to park and drank too much fuel.</p><p>"Great choice!" Said Dale obliviously. "Do you like it?"</p><p>Mika shrugged.</p><p>"It gets me where I want to go. I like the heated seats. Parking's a bitch, though."</p><p>"Which engine do you have? My aunt has one with the V8." Dale continued.</p><p>Thankfully a distraction arrived in the form of appetizers, and luckily Mika didn't have to answer any more questions pertaining to the vehicle he didn't own.</p><p>"Oh, I forgot to tell you!" Gracie said to Dale several minutes later as they dug in to the delicious food. "Lacey from work invited us to her family's cottage next weekend. Think you can take Friday afternoon off so we miss traffic?"</p><p>"I'll ask my boss." Said Dale with a grimace. "Don't count on it."</p><p>Gracie rolled her eyes and shot Dale a look of exasperation. Loving exasperation, but exasperation nonetheless. Mika knew that look well, he'd seen Kurda look at him like that a few thousand times.</p><p>"Babe, you put in like a hundred hours of overtime in last month. Don't ask him. Tell him. You don't owe that place anything." Gracie insisted. She spoke gently but there was the tiniest trace of frustration in her tone and Mika got the impression this was a recurring issue.</p><p>"Maybe I'll send him an email about it on Monday..." said Dale meekly. "I don't want to step on anyone's toes."</p><p>And he's afraid of his boss. What a great sign. Mika mused. Despite Dale's apparent dedication to his job, Mika wasn't getting the impression that the young man was an overachieving workaholic. And Mika could tell, because that was about 70% of his own personal identity. Dale on the other hand, simply seemed afraid to say no and was unwilling to stand up for himself. Not the worst traits a person could have, of course. He seemed perfectly sweet. But very average.</p><p>And Gracie Ver Leth was far from average.</p><p>"Fine. But I'll draft the email for you." Said Gracie. "It'll be worth it. Lacey's dad just bought a new speedboat. We can go tubing."</p><p>Her eyes gleamed with enthusiasm as she looked at Dale hopefully. Dale on the other hand, cringed apprehensively.</p><p>"As fun as that sounds, I'll probably just sit at the dock and get some reading done."</p><p>"Fine, grandpa. I think they have a paddle boat. You can take that." Said Gracie's</p><p>"Oh, yeah. That sounds better." Dale agreed, smiling again. "Hey, can you ask Lacey if they have life jackets there? Otherwise I'll bring my own."</p><p>Life jackets? Pardon the fuck out of me? Thought Mika. Then the main course arrived and he was distracted for several minutes.</p><p>"So, Gracie tells me you work in government? What do you do there?" Dale asked Mika earnestly as the trio munched their way through mouth-watering steaks.</p><p>Mika smiled drily.</p><p>"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you."</p><p>Gracie laughed loudly for a moment before reining herself in. Unlike Dale, she had the full context behind that. Dale, still oblivious to who the hell he was talking to, grinned good-naturedly across the table at Mika.</p><p>"Fair enough! I'll use my imagination." He said.</p><p>"It involves a lot of travelling." Mika added, supposing he'd better put in a little effort. "Meetings, conferences, paperwork. But it certainly has its moments. How about you, Dale?"</p><p>"I'm an investment advisor." Said Dale.</p><p>Mika had no idea what the fuck that meant but he nodded knowingly.</p><p>"Ah. That sounds fascinating."</p><p>"It's actually very interesting!" Said Dale eagerly.</p><p>"Here we go..." said Gracie, rolling her eyes and giggling.</p><p>Dale then launched into a full summary of everything his job involved and Mika had truly never experienced such profound boredom in his almost three centuries of life. And here he was thinking that golf was the blandest thing about this kid. It was all he could do to nod every now and then and keep his face from glazing over.</p><p>All in all it was a pleasant dinner though. The cheque came, and Mika perfectly executed the instructions Gracie had given him. (Although he accidentally tipped 60%). After that, they said their goodbyes and parted ways.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>When there ain't a crack in the foundation</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Baby, I know any storm we're facing</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Will blow right over while we stay put</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>The house don't fall when the bones are good</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>When the bones are good</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Well?" Grace asked expectantly as she and Mika buckled themselves into her car. "What did you think?"</p><p>Mika thought very carefully about that for a moment.</p><p>"I thought Dale was very nice." Said Mika. And he wasn't lying. Dale was a very pleasant young man. But Grace raised her eyebrows; she knew Mika as well as any of his vampiric colleagues did. So she knew there was more to that.</p><p>"That's it? Just nice? Didn't you like him?" Her golden eyebrows arched with blatant skepticism.</p><p>"There's nothing wrong with nice." Mika defended himself politely as he lazily twiddled the radio dial until it landed on a catchy hip-hop beat. "I did like him. It seems he treats you very well."</p><p>"He treats me great! What's the problem? And I know you have a problem. I can tell." Grace pressed. Like Mika, she had very limited tolerance for evasiveness.</p><p>"He just... how do I phrase this nicely? Are you sure he can... keep up with you?" Mika ventured with caution. He glanced over at her, she was glaring shrewdly at him.</p><p>"What the hell does that mean?!"</p><p>"Gracie, ever since you were a baby you've always been on the go. You were always so energetic and fearless, always looking for a challenge-"</p><p>"And what does that have to do with Dale?"</p><p>"It just seems like you don't share a lot of the same interests." Said Mika calmly. "And that isn't necessarily a bad thing, but your personality types are very different. Just an observation from an outside perspective."</p><p>"I don't care if he has different hobbies than me. He respects me! That should make you happy."</p><p>"You misunderstanding me. Yes, he clearly respects you and that's great. But... I know you. And I think you're going to get restless." Said Mika frankly.</p><p>"Because you're the relationship expert?" She retorted with an unfamiliar bite to her tone as she braked a little too hard at a red light. "I know you and Kurda didn't have much in common either, but trust me. Dale and I are not you and Kurda."</p><p>"Ouch." Said Mika bluntly, raising an eyebrow. "That wasn't exactly what I was getting at."</p><p>"Sorry." She sighed. "Too far."</p><p>"No. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. Gracie, when it comes down to it I don't care if he's the most boring man in the world." Mika countered in an attempt to backpedal. His voice dropped several octaves, the last thing he wanted was an argument. "If he treats you how you deserve to be treated, that's all I care about. I know I raised you to have high standards in that department - you don't need my approval."</p><p>"I wasn't asking for it." She replied coolly. "I was just curious about your opinion."</p><p>"Now you have it." Said Mika. "And for the record, you have my approval anyway."</p><p>"How did you know you loved him?" Gracie asked abruptly. Mika knew exactly who "him" was.</p><p>"I was always sort of drawn to him, decades before we found you. Even back we never got along. There was an brief overlap when we were both Generals, and we had to work together quite a bit. We clashed so much I'm surprised the Princes didn't banish both of us." Mika explained slowly, smiling despite himself.</p><p>"I believe that."</p><p>"Then I became a Prince and he... he barely treated me any different. Which was the opposite of everyone else. He respected me, but he didn't tiptoe around me. He was so honest and opinionated about everything. And as frustrating as he was, he was also refreshing. Debating things with him was completely different than any other vampire. No one challenged me like he did. Years went by and eventually I realized I'd met my match."</p><p>It occurred to Mika that he must've made some true progress in the past six years to be able to recount all that without feeling that familiar gut-wrenching pain that accompanied memories of simpler times. Maybe he'd healed more than he gave himself credit for.</p><p>"Dale's never made me feel like that. I don't think he's ever had an argument in his life. Don't get me wrong, I love how easygoing he is... to an extent. I'm not saying you're right, but points were made." Gracie remarked, with a pointed look at Mika.</p><p>"Gracie, if that's the worst thing he has going for him, don't let it be a dealbreaker. I'm sorry. I should have kept my mouth shut. I thought I found my other half... and now look at me. Who cares if he drives a boring car and plays the world's stupidest sport and wears a life jacket in a paddle boat? There are worse traits to have."</p><p>"Yeah. Like committing high treason." she commented wryly. Mika flinched for a moment, but allowed himself to laugh. It was probably his fault she had the same dry, dark sense of humour that he did.</p><p>"See if he'll take me golfing next time I'm in town." Said Mika. "Maybe he's more interesting after a few drinks."</p><p>Grace laughed and shook her head ruefully.</p><p>"Drunk Dale and Sober Dale are the same person. Only difference is Drunk Dale talks about finance more loudly than Sober Dale."</p><p>"Well, if I can find any kind of common ground with him, I promise I will." Mika told her gently. "Even if it's just the fact that we're your two biggest fans, that's more than enough."</p><p>Gracie turned to glance at Mika as much as she could without taking her attention off the road. It hadn't been an easy conversation for either of them. But her eyes shone with happiness in the street lights as she reached out and patted Mika's upper arm.</p><p>"Thanks, Dad."</p><p>They drove on in silence for several minutes Then Mika spied something on her inner left forearm he hadn't noticed before. It was a small tattoo; a simple outline of a crown.</p><p>"I didn't know you had a tattoo." Mika commented lightly. "Have you been hanging out with Uncle Arrow without me?"</p><p>She laughed and held her arm up so Mika could see it better.</p><p>"No. I just got it last year... five years to the day you came to the school and told me what Kurda did. I'd been wanting a tattoo for a while. So it was kind of a gift to myself I guess. For... you know. Making it to the other side of all that. Finding peace, or whatever."</p><p>Mika felt his throat close up.</p><p>"It's nice." He said quietly.</p><p>"Thanks." Said Gracie with a smile. "I chose a crown so I never forget who I am or where I came from."</p><p>Mika had not been prepared for that. He stared straight ahead for several minutes, staring into the scarlet tail lights of the car in front of them trying not to get emotional.</p><p>"You know you're the best thing that ever happened to me, right?" He said softly at last. Gracie rolled her eyes, but she blinked furiously and kept her eyes on the road. Mika couldn't help but notice the way her neatly manicured hands tensed around the steering wheel in the same manner he gripped the arm rests of his throne when he was stressed or trying to conceal an unwelcome emotion.</p><p>"I wish you were around more often." She replied after a moment. There was a coarse, guarded edge to her tone.</p><p>"Gracie, if I had the option I'd retire right now and spend the rest of my life living in your guest room, watching TV and ordering Uber Eats all day." Said Mika softly. He was only about 40% joking.</p><p>"You'd have to get a job." She retorted. Finally, there was that sparkle in her eye once again. "No freeloaders allowed. Your food bill for the past three days alone has been horrifying."</p><p>"Fine. Is your office hiring?"</p><p>"There's an opening for a receptionist. Nice entry-level position."</p><p>"I think I'll hold out for upper management. I have some experience." Mika enjoyed a brief chuckle at the notion of himself sitting at the top of a skyscraper in a luxurious meeting room dressed in an expensive suit, doing... whatever the fuck they did up there. Couldn't possibly be harder than his current job.</p><p>"I'll be sure to send them your resume." Said Gracie wryly.</p><p>They both smiled for the rest of the drive home.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Bones are good, the rest, the rest don't matter</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Paint could peel, the glass could shatter</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Bones are good, the rest, the rest don't matter</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Paint could peel, the glass, the glass could shatter</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>As much as Mika knew his place in the world was elsewhere, he found himself almost too content with lounging away his days in Gracie's apartment with no responsibilities, like some kind of overgrown pet. She'd go to work early, then come home and they'd either cook something or order delivery. While she was gone, he alternated between sleeping, watching television, and surfing the internet on her iPad. Although most technology was unfamiliar to him, he was clever enough to figure it out pretty quickly once Gracie gave him some basic instructions. Unlike Arrow who tended to get overwhelmed with that sort of thing and probably would've chucked the iPad out the window.</p><p>The Uber Eats app was a truly incredible feat of human capability. The closest thing Mika got to a delivery service in Vampire Mountain was this one guard who seemed to have a thing for him, and was always willing to run down to the kitchens and bring him some food when he didn't have time to leave the Hall of Princes. (And of course, there was that moment of weakness a few years ago when Mika dispatched Jakob to fetch him Starbucks. But he wasn't proud of that).</p><p>On his final night, he "surprised" Gracie with a nice supper he "made". A tray of gourmet tacos from her favourite place.</p><p>"I'd be more surprised if I didn't get a text alert on my phone every time you order food." Said Gracie with a dry smile as they sat down on the couch to indulge. "Good choice, though."</p><p>"Worth a shot." Mika shrugged.</p><p>"How are you going to eat when you get back to the mountain now that you're used to all this human food?" Gracie asked in amusement. Mika grimaced.</p><p>"I don't know. With great difficulty." Said Mika resignedly.</p><p>"Well, you're welcome to come stay any time. I've missed you. But until then, I picked up a bottle of that hot sauce you like. You can take it back to the mountain with you." Gracie replied. Mika immediately noted the shift in her tone, the sudden gravity. He put down his second taco and surveyed her.</p><p>"Are you sure you're doing okay?" Mika inquired. His tone matched the seriousness of hers. "You know I worry about you every second of my life, right?"</p><p>She fixed Mika with a gently exasperated look. As happy and vibrant as she was, there was a subtle weariness in her face that only showed up in the rare vulnerable moments like this when she chose to let her guard down. The ability to effortlessly pull a mask over one's emotions at will was never something Mika wanted to pass along to her. In that specific regard, he wished she'd taken after Kurda instead.</p><p>"And you know I do the same, no matter how many times you tell me not to worry about you?" She shot back. Her tone was measured, even. But there was a gritty determination in her eyes that told Mika he had no business arguing.</p><p>"Fair enough. Just promise me if there's ever anything... like, anything, ever... you'll tell me about it?" Said Mika softly. "I know you always feel like you need to be tough. That's something I wish you didn't get from me. But trust me, it catches up on you in the end." He added bitterly. "It might take years, but it'll happen. Learn from my mistakes, that's all."</p><p>She nodded slowly, as if deep in thought. Mika resumed eating his taco.</p><p>Several minutes passed. Gracie got up from the couch and walked over to the counter on which sat her purse. She rummaged in it for a moment and withdrew a plain white envelope. She looked down at it for a moment, then sighed heavily and returned to her spot on the couch beside Mika. It was obvious to Mika there was something significant about the envelope she was holding but he didn't pry. He was halfway through the third taco when Gracie spoke up abruptly.</p><p>"Remember when you told me if I ever wanted to get in touch with Kurda, you'd help me?"</p><p>Suddenly the taco was no longer delicious. Mika set it back down on the plate and took a deep breath.</p><p>"Of course I remember. And I stand by it."</p><p>Gracie held up the envelope.</p><p>"My afternoon meeting got cancelled. I had a couple hours to kill, so I wrote this. It's a letter to him. Having you here made me think about him more than I have in a long time. I'm hoping you can deliver it to him at some point."</p><p>Mika couldn't entirely define the feeling that began coursing through his body upon hearing those words. He'd felt more different emotions in the past six years than the rest of his life put together and yet this was a brand new one. It was an bone-rattling cocktail of hope, dread, surprise, and panic. He'd been so busy running himself into the ground the past six years he hadn't mentally prepared himself for the possibility that someday he might have to physically be in Kurda's presence again. In hindsight, that was stupid of him. He should've known Gracie would want this eventually. Hell, years ago he'd cautiously given her his blessing to do exactly what she was doing right now.</p><p>He didn't realize he'd disassociated until he felt Gracie's small, warm hand on his forearm.</p><p>"You okay?" She asked, her voice fraught with concern.</p><p>"Yeah. Sorry." Mika murmured, forcing a fragmented smile at the last second as he snapped back to the present. "Of course I will."</p><p>"Thank you." She whispered. She leaned in and gave him a tight hug which he returned even more tightly. "You can read it, if you want." She added once they withdrew.</p><p>"Do you want me to read it?" Mika asked. "I'd be happy to. But it you want to leave it between you and him, that's fine with me."</p><p>She pondered that for a moment.</p><p>"There's nothing in it you don't already know. I'm just letting him know that I'm okay... despite everything. And telling him what I've been up to the past six years." She said at last, handing Mika the sealed envelope. He carefully tucked it into his pocket.</p><p>"He'll be so proud of you. Just like I am." Said Mika, aware of the rawness in his voice that hadn't been there a minute ago. "No matter what he did, just know he loves you."</p><p>"Will you ever forgive him?" Gracie asked, barely louder than a whisper.</p><p>Mika had to take a few more deep breaths, a long sip of Smirnoff Ice (he'd finished off the last of Gracie's limited supply of beer), and finish his taco before he could tackle that one. A question like that required a bit of contemplation.</p><p>"In my heart, I already have." Said Mika eventually. He had to force each word out, and they all stung like acid. "As much as I don't understand parts of it, on a deeper level I've come to terms with the fact that he genuinely felt he had no choice. It was still wrong, but ultimately he separated his duty to the clan from his love for us."</p><p>"Do you still love him?" Gracie asked. Her voice cracked. She'd asked that question once before; the night she first heard the news. Mika locked his gaze onto hers. As long as he was looking into her eyes, he couldn't lie. And all he wanted to do was lie about that.</p><p>"I do. I always will. I hate that that's how it is, but it's the truth."</p><p>The silence that hung between them after those words was heavy. But it wasn't uncomfortable. It was familiar.</p><p>It was safe.</p><p>Several minutes ticked by. Gracie took a long sip of her drink and murmured bitterly,</p><p>"I still love him too."</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>When the bones are good, the rest don't matter</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Yeah, the paint could peel, the glass could shatter</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Let it rain (let it rain, let it rain)</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>'Cause you and I remain the same</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>When there ain't a crack in the foundation</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Baby, I know any storm we're facing</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Will blow right over while we stay put</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>The house don't fall when the bones are good</strong>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Aaaaaand it's over!</p><p>Perhaps it's worth mentioning that we are QUICKLY heading towards a long-awaited MikaKurda reunion! And thank the fucking vampire gods for that, because I've quickly learned the hard way that keeping them apart from each other has drained almost all the joy out of writing. Their break was necessary and inevitable but I'm not gonna lie, the absence of their interactions has made this story feel like an entire chore but I promise it's building to something worthwhile. Don't give up on me!</p><p>If you could leave me a review here, that would be stellar. I may or may not scroll through my past reviews &amp; comments when I feel unmotivated. I may be writing for my own pleasure, but validation from other people unlocks that sweet, sweet serotonin I crave.</p><p>I haven't done a shameless plug in a while, so here's one: if you've ever looked at my writing and thought "wow I'd love to know what kinds of semi-coherent shitposts this person is capable of producing" look no further than my personal CDF blog on Tumblr, located at MikaVerLeth. I also run FestivalOfTheUndead which is a collection of any and all fanworks celebrating the Shandom.</p><p>Plug two: There's two pretty cool CDF Discord servers now, and if you send me a PM I'd be happy to give you an invite link. I'd post those here but I don't recall this website playing well with links and I think they expire anyway so yeah. Lmk if you're into it and I'll hook you up.</p><p>And most importantly, thank you for taking time to read this. It means the world to me. No exaggeration. You guys are wonderful.</p><p>See you soon,</p><p>- Roxy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. SOBER I: Kurda</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>But my hips have missed your hips, So let's get to know the kicks<br/>Will you sway with me? Go astray with me?</p><p>***</p><p>Six years have passed since Kurda's betrayal and subsequent exile. He's doing okay. Not great, but okay. Then in the middle of the blizzard of the century, a ghost from his past stumbles through his front door. </p><p>That's right. Your two favourite emotionally-stunted idiots are back on their bullshit.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>/ deep inhale / LADIES AND GENTS, THIS IS THE MOMENT YOU'VE WAITED FOR</p><p>This reunion scene that's been in development for two months of real time and six years of story timeline. It's a two-parter; first I wrote it alternating between Mika and Kurda's POVs but there were so many parts where I wished I could explore both their perspectives. So I did exactly that!</p><p>Part one is strictly Kurda's viewpoint/internal dialogue. Part two will be Mika's. I've included snippets of their stream of consciousness, / and they're formatted like this./ </p><p>This is a really heavy chunk of storyline, so be warned. It's emotional, raw, and extremely chaotic because how could it not be after the way they left things between them? Again, dropping a precautionary TW for allusions to something that could be loosely considered self-harm. </p><p>With that said, I thoroughly enjoyed writing this and I am SO excited to finally be posting it. AHHH. </p><p>Chapter 8: SOBER I - Kurda</p><p>Song: Sober by Lorde</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <strong>Oh god, I'm clean out of air in my lungs</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>It's all gone</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Played it so nonchalant</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>It's time we danced with the truth</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Move along with the truth</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>We're sleeping through all the days</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>I'm acting like I don't see</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Every ribbon you used to tie yourself to me</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kurda had really grown to love his village over the almost six years he'd called it home. Loved his cozy cottage. Loved watching the ships float in and out of the harbour. Loved the summers when the marine life was plentiful and he could sip tea while watching the whales play from his kitchen window. Loved the wildflowers that bloomed on the path that led down to the dock. He even liked his part-time job as a bartender down the road; the same bar in which he'd won the bet for ownership of the cottage. The owner, Nathan, had offered him the position not long after that. Nathan was impressed by the mysterious blond man known as "Kyle Smith" who spoke gently to everyone he met. "Kyle" had a natural knack towards breaking up brawls and calming down even the most unhinged drunkards. Somehow he also had enough physical strength in his slender frame to forcibly escort patrons who wore out their welcome.</p><p>Kurda could've survived without the job just fine, by reverting to a traditional vampiric lifestyle where he hunted and killed all of his food. But he liked being able to buy things when he needed; clothes, snacks, books. He could have made more money than he did, but he refused to work full-time because he felt compelled to do as much volunteer work as he could cram into his days. The homeless shelter and soup kitchen, the centre for troubled youth, the women's shelter, the animal shelter... every volunteer organization in the small town knew the name Kyle Smith.</p><p>Kurda wouldn't have gone so far to say he was happy. Every waking moment was plagued with grief for both the vampire and the vampaneze clan, and self-loathing for what he'd put Mika and Gracie through. Even so, six years after the worst days of his life he supposed he was as content as he could hope to be for the rest of his days.</p><p>But gods damn, these winters were a lot to deal with even for the toughest vampire. And if you know anything, you know that physically speaking, Kurda isn't the toughest vampire.</p><p>This area had at least six "blizzards of the decade" every decade. But this one was so aggressive it was deemed "blizzard of the century". And so far there'd only been three of those that particular century so that was saying a lot.</p><p>But it wasn't terrible for Kurda personally. He had some books. He still had hydro at this point so he could watch his small television if he wanted. He didn't like to brag, but he got three whole channels. He'd be fine.</p><p>There were two comfortable reclining armchairs in the cottage, but he only ever sat in one. He brewed himself a cup of tea and sat down. He made it through three chapters of his book - then the cozy silence was punctured by something besides the sporadic shrieking of the wind. Someone was knocking on his door, and he wasn't exactly accustomed to having visitors.</p><p>Kurda shot to his feet as fast as a lightning strike. He picked up his dagger from the kitchen table - the only weapon he'd taken when he left the mountain - and approached the door warily. Kurda loved this cottage and he'd been incredibly lucky to come to own it the way he did but damn, he wished the front door had a window.</p><p>Not that a brief preview could've come close to preparing him for the fact that when he slowly turned the lock and opened the door, he came face to face with a ghost from his previous life.</p><p>
  <em>/ This can't be real. /</em>
</p><p>Kurda blinked several times, frozen. And not because of the cold. His heart rate accelerated into the stratosphere as he was unwillingly jerked back in time. The last time he saw this face looking back at him, they'd also been standing in the snow like they were right now. If his math was correct, and it always was, almost six years had elapsed since that night. They'd shared a lot in the time they knew each other, including the worst night of their lives. Fittingly, that was also they last thing they ever shared.</p><p>/ I'm dreaming. I'm hallucinating. I must've fallen and hit my head. You're not real. /</p><p>But the frigid wind was burning his exposed flesh so painfully there was no way he was dreaming.</p><p>
  <em>/ Oh my gods... /</em>
</p><p>"Mika?" He choked out at last. The name felt strange on his lips, like something he'd tasted in another lifetime.</p><p>"Unfortunately." Mika replied stiffly. Kurda couldn't get a good look at his face because of how the shadows fell, but his voice was deep and strained.</p><p>For several more moments, Kurda just stood in the doorframe and stared at him. Time stood still and suddenly he was oblivious to the screaming wind, stinging ice pellets, and the deathly chill in the air.</p><p>"Either you move, or I move you." Mika added.</p><p>
  <em>/ Aaaaaand you're still a prick. /</em>
</p><p>While he sounded just as abrasively impatient as ever, what stood out to Kurda the most was the almost desperate note of exhaustion. Even in the dull light Kurda could see he was shivering violently from the subarctic chill.</p><p>"Sorry. Come in." Said Kurda, still feeling like this was a semi-lucid dream. He stepped out of Mika's way and locked the door behind him once they were both indoors.</p><p>Then he froze in his tracks as a terrifying thought occurred to him. There was no way this was a social visit.</p><p>"What are you doing here? Is Gracie okay?" He blurted out in a panic.</p><p>"Gracie's fine." Mika responded curtly. His tone was clipped and businesslike and Kurda could immediately tell how uncomfortable he was with the situation.</p><p>
  <em>/ I suppose I can't really blame you for looking like you'd rather be anywhere else in the world. /</em>
</p><p>There was so much more Kurda wanted to ask Mika, but he knew better than to question him rapid-fire. Mika wouldn't have come unless he had a good reason. And seeing as the reason didn't seem to be a family emergency, that was enough for Kurda to relax and give Mika his space.</p><p>
  <em>/ How dare you still look that good? What gives you the right? /</em>
</p><p>He watched as the Prince wandered around Kurda's living room. He moved slowly and stiffly, and there was an almost dazed expression on his face which was still red from the cold.</p><p>Several minutes ticked by, and Kurda decided to test the waters.</p><p>"Don't I get a hug?" He quipped sarcastically. Mika whipped around and glared daggers at him, hostility flashing in his eyes. Some things never change. "It was a joke." Kurda added meekly.</p><p>
  <em>/ Yeah, I hate me too. /</em>
</p><p>"Comedy was never your thing. Who's house is this?" Mika grunted as he kicked his boots off.</p><p>"Mine." Kurda informed him calmly.</p><p>"How do you have your own house? I don't even have a fucking house." Mika commented as he stared around the living room. "Glad exile has been so kind to you."</p><p>"Won it in a bet. Just the right place at the right time." Kurda explained. "It's a funny story, actually. I met this guy-"</p><p>"I don't care." Mika interrupted icily.</p><p>
  <em>/ Points for honesty. /</em>
</p><p>Kurda sighed but stopped he could see Mika more clearly. He was dressed warmly although not warmly enough for these conditions. Every inch of him was coated in a layer of ice and his body was still trembling from the cold. Kurda still hadn't gotten a clear view of his face; Mika seemed to be angling his body away as though hesitant to make eye contact. And honestly, right now Kurda was more than fine with that.</p><p>"What are you doing here, Mika?" Kurda asked cautiously. "I don't suppose this is a social visit."</p><p>Mika slowly turned to face him and finally their eyes met. Kurda felt time stand still as his heart broke again for the hundred thousandth time. At first glance, Mika looked exactly the same. Still dressed in black, still obnoxiously attractive, still not appearing a day older than thirty-something. But there was something different about him and Kurda couldn't quite place it. Maybe it was absence of the defiant gleam in his steely eyes, or the way he no longer carried himself with the enviably effortless confidence that bordered on arrogance (and as far as Kurda was concerned, crossed the line plenty of times).</p><p>"It's not an emergency, and nothing's wrong. But I actually am here about Gracie."</p><p>Kurda's stomach clenched.</p><p>"I came to give you this." Said Mika. He reached into the layers of clothing and withdrew an envelope. "She wrote it... she wanted me to get it to you. So this is me getting it to you."</p><p>And that was it. Kurda's entire universe stopped dead in its tracks. The moment he'd longed for was upon him. And it was terrifying. Mika handed him the letter and he slowly took it as his heart pounded even harder somehow.</p><p>"Is she okay?" Kurda whispered. They both knew there was a difference between the definition of "okay" when he first asked the question versus now.</p><p>Kurda's hands were shaking too hard to even consider opening it. He locked his eyes onto Mika's, silently begging him not to break contact. Mika didn't look away. He met Kurda's eyes with a hard, contemplative stare of his own. His expression was unreadable.</p><p>
  <em>/ Please, Mika. Tell me I didn't destroy her the way I destroyed you. /</em>
</p><p>"She's perfect." Mika replied after a long pause, his voice gravelly. "Despite everything, despite us... she's perfect."</p><p>The sudden rush of relief and emotion was almost enough to bring Kurda to his knees. That was all he needed to hear. That was everything.</p><p>Well, almost everything.</p><p>He didn't expect to make much progress with Mika. He was surprised Mika hadn't turned and left the second he handed the letter over.</p><p>Kurda decided to try.</p><p>"And how are you?" Kurda added, his voice even quieter than before.</p><p>Mika looked away from Kurda, and their brief connection was severed.</p><p>"Cold." Mika murmured.</p><p>"You're shaking." Kurda observed, instinctively taking a step closer. All he wanted to do was throw his arms around Mika, wrap him in a warm blanket and hold him until he felt warm and safe again. But it didn't work like that anymore. It hadn't worked like that in a long time.</p><p>"How long were you out in the storm?"</p><p>"About two days. I flitted most of the trip but I had to slow down once I got caught in it." Mika admitted flatly.</p><p>"Well, stay here til the storm passes, okay?" Said Kurda cautiously, figuring it had to be worth a try. "Now I'm sure this is the last place on earth you want to be-"</p><p>"Correct." Mika interjected bluntly.</p><p>"-but it's supposed to clear up by late tomorrow. Just give it a day."</p><p>"Would be my fucking luck." Mika growled, turning to gaze out the window at the endless snow. But he didn't disagree.</p><p>"Go take a hot shower." Kurda urged him. "You're practically blue. Seriously, you look like a corpse. I have some dry clothes you can change into. Leave your wet ones on the floor and I'll put them in the dryer. This place came with one, it's amazing-"</p><p>Mika turned away from him and wordlessly stalked away to the bathroom. It wasn't a big cottage, and there was only one floor so it wasn't hard to find. He shut the door, Kurda heard the lock click and several seconds later the sound of the shower running.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>But my hips have missed your hips</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>So let's get to know the kicks</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Will you sway with me?</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Go astray with me?</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kurda gathered up some warm clothes for Mika to change into, and set them in front of the bathroom door. Then he collapsed into his armchair and took several steadying breaths. He was still convinced he'd imagined that entire conversation. His mind spun, possibly at a faster rate than ever before in his life and that was saying a lot. Eventually he heard the shower turn off, and the door open a minute later.</p><p>Then he heard Mika's voice across the room,</p><p>"Why do you have this? I know for a fact you're not interested in beer or titties."</p><p>Kurda looked up and for one glorious moment, he forgot about every awful thing that led up to this point in his life. One single moment of pure hilarity had his heart feeling lighter than it had in years. He couldn't stop himself from letting out a small laugh when he realized the the hoodie he'd lent Mika said "I Heart Beer And Titties" across the front in large letters.</p><p>"I actually didn't know it had anything on it. It's not mine." Kurda exclaimed, smiling in amusement. He was surprised his facial muscles still knew how to do that. "See, I sort of work as a bartender and every now and then I take home the unclaimed clothes from the lost and found box, and I clean them up and donate them to the homeless shelter. That one must've been inside-out when I washed it."</p><p>"I'm keeping it." Mika informed him. "Arrow will think it's funny."</p><p>
  <em>/ Of course he will. /</em>
</p><p>"I don't doubt it. Enjoy." Said Kurda flatly as he added a piece of wood to the fireplace before returning to his armchair. Mika sat in the other one.</p><p>"Wait, you have a job?" Mika backtracked abruptly.</p><p>"Have to pay the bills somehow." Said Kurda. His tone was crisp and light but completely serious. "You may recall I lost my old job a few years ago."</p><p>"That's one way of putting it." Mika replied darkly.</p><p>"How have you been, Mika?" Kurda asked cautiously. "Seriously. I want to know. I've been worried."</p><p>Mika let out a short, sharp laugh and Kurda knew he was in for a ride. But he was being honest. No matter how bad, he wanted to know. Whatever happened after he left the mountain, it was his fault.</p><p>"How have I been? Wow. Fuck me, where do I even start? Well, I was blind drunk for the entire first week after you were gone. Except for a six hour window when I had to flit up to the school and tell Gracie what happened-"</p><p>Kurda winced.</p><p>"How did she take it?" He asked anxiously.</p><p>"As well as could be expected." Said Mika, bitterness in his eyes at the memory. "She didn't deserve that, Kurda."</p><p>"Do you think I don't know that?! Screwing you over was hard enough. But knowing what it would do to her... I thought I was going to die of a broken heart months before council even started!" Kurda shot back with a hoarse, angry laugh.</p><p>
  <em>/ I may not know what you went through after I was gone. But you had no idea what I was going through right before your very eyes. /</em>
</p><p>"Why didn't you tell me the truth from the start?" Mika asked, his voice much quieter than before. "I would've done anything to help you. You knew that."</p><p>"Did I?!" Kurda snapped. "I'm sure you would have tried, Mika. But at the end of the day, you were still you and I was still me. You aren't capable of hatching a plan radical enough to do what needed to be done. Not to mention it would've had to go through Arrow, Paris, and Vancha. As soon as I knew what kind of timeframe I was working with, I knew I didn't have the luxury to go above-board. So no. You couldn't have helped me. Anything you would have been willing to do, wouldn't have been enough."</p><p>
  <em>/ And I know you know I'm right, so please. Save us both the trouble. /</em>
</p><p>"I guess I can't argue with that." Said Mika coolly.</p><p>"You know, you didn't finish telling me how you've been doing. You covered getting drunk, and breaking the news to Gracie, then what?" Kurda asked in a low, almost encouraging voice.</p><p>Mika laughed harshly again.</p><p>"You don't want to know."</p><p>
  <em>/ No, I don't. But I need to. /</em>
</p><p>"Mika, I really do. Please. Be honest."</p><p>"Well, it was a full week before I could physically set foot in the Hall of Princes without having a mental breakdown and even then it was iffy. And it was a month before I could go sleep in my own cell, seeing as I smashed my furniture the night you left, just because thought of walking into that room with all those memories made me want to fucking die."</p><p>
  <em>/ I did that to you... I did that... /</em>
</p><p>"I was more or less a high-functioning train wreck for almost half the year. Gods only know how Paris and Arrow put up with me. I didn't deserve their patience. I was a fucking disaster. That honest enough for you, Kurda?</p><p>
  <em>/ I'm so, so sorry. I hate this. /</em>
</p><p>Kurda felt his throat close. It was all he could do to let out a weak moan of despair as paralyzing guilt laid into him as ruthlessly as the day it happened. But Mika just rolled his eyes dismissively as if the memories were no more than a light nuisance to him.</p><p>"Oh, don't you worry. I got my shit together eventually. Probably took a decade off my life but I did it. I've been out in the field for almost five years now. This is my last stop before we head home. My team is already on the way back but I told them I'd catch up once I'd... tied up my loose ends."</p><p>Kurda buried his face in his hands and breathed heavily for several minutes. He couldn't form a coherent thought.</p><p>He was intimately familiar with the clammy embrace of self-loathing, it was practically his roommate. They spent a lot of time together. But the voice inside his head was louder than it had been in years as new salt was poured into old wounds.</p><p>"Thank you for being honest." Kurda finally forced out, so quietly he could barely hear himself.</p><p>"Whatever." Mika grunted, a weary resentment - although not hatred - smouldering in his eyes.</p><p>"What's going on between the clans?" Kurda asked after another brief pause.</p><p>His first concern was, had always been Gracie. Then Mika. But he'd be lying if he said the fate of both clans didn't cost him hours upon hours of sleep. Being cut off from both clans so abruptly had been almost as painful as the more personal "losses".</p><p>Mika laughed bitterly and that resentment in his eyes burned even brighter.</p><p>"I don't think so. That's not how exile works. You lost your privilege to know what's going on. I only told you my story because I want you to know exactly what you put me through. And I'm only in your house because I accidentally had a kid with you."</p><p>"Found a kid with me." Kurda corrected out of habit. It was the oldest joke they shared. Mika didn't laugh, but his face relaxed for the tiniest fraction of a moment.</p><p>"Fair enough." Kurda added, then his face darkened.</p><p>
  <em>/ Well, I tried. /</em>
</p><p>"Mika, I need to ask you one other thing... and I know it's none of my business, but I have to know. It's been eating me alive."</p><p>Mika raised an eyebrow.</p><p>"Try me."</p><p>"Is Darren alive?"</p><p>
  <em>/ Please. Please. Please. /</em>
</p><p>He stared into Mika's eyes and again, Mika held his gaze unwaveringly. Mika stiffened for a moment but then exhaled and softened ever so slightly.</p><p>"Yeah. Darren's fine. Not only did we let him off the hook, we gave him one hell of a promotion." Mika began. Kurda felt dizzy from relief at those words, but Mika wasn't finished. When he revealed the bizarre strategy they used to save the boy's life - and the fact that it had been Arrow's idea, of all vampires - Kurda was weeping openly and Mika looked away. He never could stomach the sight of Kurda crying, apparently not even now.</p><p>"We're not perfect, Kurda. We're so far from perfect... but we aren't monsters." Kurda heard the low rumble of Mika's voice as he sat hunched in his armchair, wiping his eyes and trying to regain his composure. "It still keeps me up at night how close we came to ending his life. If I had to execute that kid on top of everything else that happened those couple of days... fuck, I wouldn't have been able to come back from that."</p><p>
  <em>/ I know you're not a monster. You're so many things. But you aren't that. You could never be that. /</em>
</p><p>Kurda nodded sombrely and murmured,</p><p>"I know you wouldn't have."</p><p>Mika didn't answer.</p><p>"How are the others?" Kurda inquired hopefully. He expected Mika to shut him down, but he had nothing to lose from asking. So he tried.</p><p>"Well, Arra and Gavner are still dead." Said Mika coldly.</p><p>Kurda flinched as his mind wrenched him back in time to that hellish journey through the tunnels, cumulating in the moment he rammed his blade in to Gavner's stomach. Gavner Purl, who'd never done anything to anyone. And Arra, who's blood may not have literally been on his hands but she was dead because of him. And Mika and Larten, another great vampire who Kurda respected, had suffered because of it.</p><p>Kurda buried his face in his hands and breathed deeply. He wished he hadn't asked. But although Mika had made a point of sticking that knife in Kurda's heart all over again, he didn't seem interested in twisting it further.</p><p>"Larten is doing well." Mika added slowly. "He struggled just as much as I did at first. I truly felt for him. I shared his grief over Arra, but he lost her and Gavner in such a short amount of time... I didn't know if he'd recover but he rose from the ashes with a hell of a lot more dignity than I did."</p><p>Kurda nodded, unable to look at Mika.</p><p>"Darren's new status came with an unspoken promotion for Larten too. He may not be a Prince, but truthfully we all see him as one of us. And he deserves it." Mika continued, his voice softening.</p><p>Kurda slowly raised his head to meet Mika's eyes again.</p><p>"Good." He whispered weakly. "That's good."</p><p>"Vanez was blinded in the battle. It was a difficult adjustment but he's still the best Games Master we've ever had." Mika continued. "Seba is the same as ever. He didn't retire after council like he'd planned to, but I think he's just as happy that way."</p><p>Kurda nodded attentively as Mika spoke.</p><p>"Paris is still going strong. He'll outlive us all. But I'm glad he has Darren in the mountain to help him out - Arrow's been out in the field as long as I have. I haven't seen any of the other Princes in almost five years."</p><p>
  <em>/ Ah yes. How could we forget my dear friend Arrow? /</em>
</p><p>"Five years without Arrow? That sounds a recipe for an astronomical case of separation anxiety." Said Kurda with a wry smirk. Mika didn't smile but he exhaled in a vaguely amused manner.</p><p>"Funny, that's what Paris said before we parted ways. And I do miss him, but we've both been keeping busy and communicating regularly."</p><p>"What did he say when you told him you were coming to visit me?" Kurda ventured apprehensively.</p><p>
  <em>/ I probably don't want to know. /</em>
</p><p>Mika snorted derisively and arched his eyebrows at Kurda.</p><p>"Like I'd tell him. Best case scenario, he'd worry. Worst case, he'd track me down and carry me back to the mountain at the thought of you being anywhere near me."</p><p>
  <em>/ I will never understand your relationship with that acorn-brained brute. /</em>
</p><p>"He knows we have a daughter. Surely he realized there was a good chance we'd have to see each other again at some point." Kurda grunted dispassionately.</p><p>"You know how he is." Mika replied, a defensive edge to his tone. "And if you saw me the night you left... you wouldn't blame him."</p><p>Kurda sighed deeply. His opinion of Arrow may not have been stellar, but he knew how deeply the man was bonded with Mika and he didn't have to ask to know that Arrow was the one who pulled him through the worst day of his life. Gods knew it sure as hell hadn't been Kurda.</p><p>
  <em>/ Maybe someday I'll be able to thank Arrow for fixing what I broke. /</em>
</p><p>"Are you hungry?" Kurda asked gingerly, beyond ready to change the subject.</p><p>"I'm fine. Hunted on my way here." Came the muttered reply.</p><p>"Good. How are you feeling now? You must be exhausted." Kurda asked gently.</p><p>"Somehow I'm still cold." Mika admitted.</p><p>"Winters here are brutal." Said Kurda. "But the summer is worth it. You should see the view from this window when the snow is gone, oh my gods. It's incredible. It's worth a bit of sunburn to get up in the middle of the day and watch the whales jumping in the harbour."</p><p>Mika gave him a funny sort of look that was hard to decode. But it looked more sad than anything else.</p><p>"I just remember how much you liked watching the whales when we went on that mission, do you remember? On that ship?" Kurda added meekly.</p><p>"When you threw up about ten seconds after we left the dock?" Said Mika with an affirmative nod. "That was the first mission we ever went on together. Gods, you were so annoying. I wanted to throw you overboard."</p><p>"You told me. Several times." Kurda sighed.</p><p>"At least you always knew where you stood with me. Can't say the same about you." Mika added darkly, raising an eyebrow. Kurda groaned and closed his eyes for a moment or two, running a hand tiredly through his hair.</p><p>
  <em>/ You're never going to let me live that down. Nor should you. /</em>
</p><p>"We were so young back then." Kurda reminisced. "You were a freshly minted General with an ego complex, and I was -"</p><p>"A naive misfit who'd rather sit alone and draw a map than make friends." Mika interjected sullenly.</p><p>
  <em>/ Well, you're not wrong. /</em>
</p><p>"Ouch." Said Kurda. Mika shrugged unapologetically.</p><p>"You still pulled a bullet out of me on that trip." Kurda added as an afterthought. "That was the first nice thing you ever did for me. Sure it hurt like a son of a bitch, as you knew it would, but you took care of me."</p><p>"It wouldn't have looked good on my record if I lost a man to an infected bullet wound on my first mission as a General." Mika retorted. "The Princes might've frowned upon that."</p><p>"Either way, I appreciated it. Even though I didn't show it at the time."</p><p>Mika nodded with an indifferent little shrug.</p><p>"The sun will be coming up soon. I'm going to bed. You should too." Said Kurda. Mika nodded curtly.</p><p>"Just give me a spare blanket. I'll sleep on the floor out here."</p><p>"I can't let you sleep on the floor, Mika." Kurda groaned. "Sleep in my bed. There's more than enough room and we can have separate blankets. You won't even notice I'm there."</p><p>Mika gave that some consideration and although he didn't look enthusiastic (Kurda couldn't blame him) his weary body must have complained louder than his frayed dignity.</p><p>"Fine." He told Kurda reluctantly, and followed him into the small bedroom. Kurda passed him a thick cotton duvet and Mika slowly lay down on the left side of the cushiony king-size mattress.</p><p>"That's close enough, Kurda." Mika warned him sharply. Kurda gazed over at him defeatedly. He hadn't even realized how close he'd gotten to the centre of the bed.</p><p>"I wasn't going to touch you. I know better." Kurda told him in a low, calm voice.</p><p>"Good. Don't."</p><p>Mika lay quietly for a moment but then sat back up and went about removing the hoodie. It did get pretty warm in this room on account of the space heater.</p><p>Kurda didn't know what compelled him to glance over as Mika stripped down to the t-shirt below. But Mika's right forearm caught his eye. There was a collection of new scars there, small but unmissable. Kurda knew immediately they hadn't been there the last time they were together.</p><p>There are pretty much unlimited ways in which a vampire can collect scars, and most of them act as if wrecking their bodies is their day job. If it had been anyone else, Kurda wouldn't have spared a second look. But Mika wasn't a reckless idiot. He didn't go around racking up new battle scars for the thrill of it. He was too skilled; very few vampires could get close enough to leave a mark on him. But even if they did... swords and spears wouldn't leave thin, erratic scars like that.</p><p>Kurda felt his throat close up as his heart dropped into his stomach.</p><p>
  <em>/ No... no... no... not this. /</em>
</p><p>Mika's steely grey eyes flicked towards him, and Kurda knew Mika had seen him looking.</p><p>"What?" Said Mika roughly, almost defiantly. Clearly he already knew what Kurda had been looking at.</p><p>"Did you do that to yourself... because of me?" Kurda whispered.</p><p>
  <em>/ Please tell me you were just sparring or something. Please tell me I didn't do that too. /</em>
</p><p>Mika held up his arm and looked at it contemplatively for a moment. His face was strangely neutral. Except his eyes. There was a glassy, faraway look about them as though he was only half-present.</p><p>"Not in the way you're thinking. I didn't do it deliberately." He answered at last, his voice coming out in a rasp. "I already told you I lost it and wrecked some furniture the night you left - this was from when I punched through my mirror as hard as I could."</p><p>"No..." Kurda whimpered. He felt nauseous.</p><p>"Yeah. I knew what would happen, I knew it would hurt and I did it anyway. So I guess it's not that different from... what you were thinking." Mika explained tonelessly. He looked over at Kurda with that same hard, world-weary expression. Those eyes that had seen too much.</p><p>"Oh gods, Mika..." Kurda croaked, burying his face in his hands because it was as close as he could get to escaping from this.</p><p>"Don't you even." He heard Mika growl, his voice suddenly shaking with barely suppressed fury. "You had a fucking bottle of poison set aside for me! You turned your back on everything you ever loved! You do not get to sit there and cry because I hurt myself six years ago when I was at the lowest point of my entire life. So fuck right off with that."</p><p>Kurda's mind was a black hole. Devoid of any coherent thought.</p><p>"I trusted you." Mika whispered, his body shaking. "I would've died for you. You knew everything about me, even the things I didn't want anyone to know. I never loved anyone like I loved you."</p><p>And then finally, the most crushing blow of all:</p><p>"How could you do that to me, Kurda?"</p><p>"You don't think I've hated myself every second of every day since I made those plans in the first place?" Kurda spat, trembling in distress. "Mika, I would give anything to have had the option to keep you safe from all of that! I had no choice!"</p><p>"You always have a choice! You've always known I would've done anything for you! But you lied to me for years, and it cost us everything!"</p><p>"I'm the one who lost everything." Kurda croaked. "You only lost me."</p><p>"Yeah, that's all I lost!" Mika snarled, his words drenched in angry sarcasm. "Just you! I didn't lose my sanity, my confidence, or my dignity! I didn't drink myself into a coma every other night the first three months just to get some sleep! I didn't seriously consider hanging up the crown and walking away from it all! No, I ONLY lost you!"</p><p>
  <em>/ That can't be true. You'd never walk away. I don't believe you. /</em>
</p><p>"I thought about you every waking moment. I knew it would be hell on you." Kurda whispered. "I prayed to every deity I've ever heard of that you'd find a way to come out whole on the other side. It was the only thing left I could do for you."</p><p>"I'm not whole, Kurda! I'll never be whole again as long as I live! Whatever is left of me survived DESPITE you! So keep your fucking prayers because there's no god or gods up there that give a single fuck about me!" Mika snarled, voice growing louder and louder. "It was Arrow who scraped me off the floor that night before I bled out! It was Paris who sat with me all day so I didn't do anything else stupid! It was Seba, Larten, Vanez, Darren, and the rest of the clan who were patient with me as I re-learned how to function so I could do my job and take care of them!"</p><p>Kurda was sobbing unrestrainedly now, his muscles aching from the intensity of it.</p><p>"And it was Gracie who kept me going when I just wanted all of it to stop." Mika continued venomously. "Because of them, I'm still here, and I'm not going anywhere! So save your fucking sympathy because I don't need it!"</p><p>
  <em>/... How did it ever, ever come to this? /</em>
</p><p>A ringing silence hung in the air between them. The only sound was Kurda's muffled sobs and Mika's shallow, erratic breathing. He sounded like he was on the verge of a panic attack but for once, Kurda focused on himself instead. He'd turned his back on Mika, and was sitting on the far side of the bed and fumbling desperately through the nightstand for a Kleenex although his vision was blurring so much he wouldn't have seen one if it presented itself.</p><p>"I'm still sorry, Mika." He croaked out at last when he could draw sufficient oxygen to do so. "I'm sorry you were the collateral damage of my fear, my failure, and my desperation. I'm sorry I put you and Gracie through hell. I'm so, so sorry. And I know that's worth nothing to you now. But it's the truth."</p><p>"You know what the worst part is? The most fucked up part of any of this?" Mika added in a strangled whisper, sounding as though he had to fight like hell to get the words out. "The worst part is that after all of that... I forgive you."</p><p>
  <em>/ I can't do this. /</em>
</p><p>Mika sharply got up from the bed as if it was on fire and walked out of the room, slamming the door as he went.</p><p>And Kurda imploded into himself. He thought he'd been a mess before hearing those words but he hadn't even scratched the surface. He hadn't broken down this thoroughly since the night he'd murdered Gavner Purl. He collapsed into the fetal position, pulling the covers against his face and wishing it was enough to make him truly disappear from this cruel, ugly world.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>King and Queen of the weekend</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Ain't a pill that could touch our rush</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>But what will we do when we're sober?</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Ah, when you dream with the fever</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Bet you wish you could touch our rush</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>But what will we do when we're sober</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He didn't know how long he lay there, but eventually there were no tears left to cry. His body and soul had finally been drained dry. He had nothing. He was nothing.</p><p>Nothing that came even remotely close to being worth of a shred of forgiveness. Least of all from Mika.</p><p>Eventually, Kurda realized he was so dehydrated it was becoming difficult to breathe and swallow. He knew he needed water. He supposed he should go see if Mika had wandered off into the blizzard, and Kurda wouldn't have blamed him if he had.</p><p>He felt a flicker of relief as he entered the living room, a glass of water in each hand, and saw Mika sitting on the floor by the fireplace like a cat enjoying the heat. Kurda surveyed Mika's body language from a distance, gods only knew what kind of mental state he was in.</p><p>But he looked calm, all things considered. Hell of a lot better than Kurda, anyway. It occurred to Kurda that Mika had almost definitely spent the last six years just waiting get all that off his chest.</p><p>So Kurda cautiously approached. As he drew within three feet, Mika looked up sharply.</p><p>"Don't touch me." Mika snapped quickly, his eyes flashing dangerously. Clearly he was no longer interested in running the offence, but his default setting of defence never truly disengaged.</p><p>
  <em>/ I get it. It's okay. /</em>
</p><p>Kurda nodded mutely and sat down at a safe distance. He set one of the glasses of water on the floor, close enough for Mika to reach it. For several long minutes, Mika stared down at the glass. Back up at Kurda. Back to the glass. Back to Kurda once more.</p><p>Kurda crossed his arms in a display of mock impatience. He didn't mean to do it, it was automatic. Neither of them were in the correct frame of mind for mock anything.</p><p>But then something astonishing happened. Mika raised his eyebrows skeptically and for the first time in six years, Kurda saw the faintest trace of the man he fell in love with as Mika looked him dead in the eye and said,</p><p>"I swear, Kurda, if you fucking poisoned that..."</p><p>Kurda let out a ragged sob of laughter, and suddenly he felt lighter. He picked up the glass he'd offered Mika and drained it himself. Then he set down his own glass in its place. Mika eyeballed him for another moment but begrudgingly picked it up and began to sip it slowly.</p><p>For several minutes, they just sat in silence. An unspoken truce had been reached. Kurda knew they were both on the same page now, and he knew Mika knew it too.</p><p>"Did you read the letter yet?" Mika asked quietly after setting the empty glass back down.</p><p>
  <em>/ Oh gods. The letter. Gracie. /</em>
</p><p>"No." Kurda whispered.</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"Because right now, I still have hope that she hasn't decided I'm permanently dead to her. And if that's what's in that letter, I'm not in a hurry to kill the only thing that's keeping me going. That's all I fucking have in this world, Mika. The slim chance that she might someday want to breathe the same air as me again."</p><p>"Makes sense." Said Mika, nodding.</p><p>"There's no way she's going to want anything to do with me. Why would she?" Kurda croaked, his face falling.</p><p>"I haven't read it." Said Mika honestly. "I don't know what it says. She said I could read it, but I decided to leave it between you and her."</p><p>Kurda pulled the envelope from his pocket and stared down at it anxiously. The suspense was sickening but the worst case scenario hurt so much more.</p><p>"I can't do this..." Kurda gulped, feeling bile rise up in the back of his throat.</p><p>Mika rolled his eyes unsympathetically.</p><p>"Don't be so dramatic. That's what I said the night you left. Then I did it all anyway. And I'm still here."</p><p>The words were harsh, but if he'd learned anything about Mika over the years it was that Mika tended to communicate through his tone more than his words. And his tone was almost encouraging. Not quite, but close.</p><p>"I've never been as strong as you, Mika."</p><p>Mika sighed heavily and shot Kurda a wry look.</p><p>"I used to think you were stronger than me. You know that." He replied. "But whether you read it today, tomorrow, next week, next year... know that whatever thoughts and feelings she put on that page, are completely her own. I promised you I wouldn't go out of my way to demonize you, and I kept my word. Yes, I told her the ugly truth. But I made sure she understood why you did what you did, and why you felt you didn't have a choice."</p><p>"I didn't FEEL like I didn't have a choice... I DIDN'T have a choice." Kurda murmured, his voice sounding as strained and anxious as his face looked.</p><p>"Whatever. One trial was enough. I can't re-hash that again." Mika grunted. "Just read the damn letter. You don't have to tell me what it says, but you're not doing yourself any favours by waiting."</p><p>Kurda looked up at Mika, feeling his eyes pool with tears again.</p><p>
  <em>/ I can't do this without you, Mika. /</em>
</p><p>"Will you sit here with me?" Kurda whispered.</p><p>Mika rolled his eyes again.</p><p>"I don't really have anywhere else to go now, do I?"</p><p>Finally, Kurda slowly tore the envelope open and withdrew the letter. Mika lay down on his back upon the floor, and folded his hands beneath his head.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>Dad:</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>I hope this letter finds you well, I guess.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>As I'm writing this, I'm sitting in my office looking out at the city and thinking how lucky I am to be here. After years of school I finally graduated earlier this year, and I'm a law associate now. The goal is to become an attorney someday. Specifically a name partner at my firm, which is about the equivalent of the Vampire Princes. For perspective, I'm about at mountain guard status right now. It's currently a Friday afternoon and my 3:00 meeting just cancelled. I could go home, but I'm hanging around until my boss gets off her conference call in case she needs me to do anything else before the weekend. I'm not a nerd, I just really love my job and I want to advance as quickly as I can. Possibly to the point of obsession but I guess I got that from Dad (Mika, that is).</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>But my favourite thing about my job is when I get to help with pro-bono cases, which is when we work free of charge for clients who couldn't afford our services otherwise. I think I got that from you.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>You've been on my mind a lot this week - probably because Dad (again referring to Mika.) has been living in my guest room the past week. Even while the clan is at war he still makes it for a visit at least once a year. I don't know how he does it. Even when he's carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders he'll still sit in my car with me for three hours and talk about whatever I need to talk about. Whether we're working through our feelings about you (because that's still a work in progress six years later, believe it or not) or talking about the little things like my incompetent coworker or relationship stuff. He's never let me down. I've had a lot of resentment for a lot of reasons over the past few years, but I had one silver lining. Every friend I had as a teenager complained about how they couldn't stand their dads, how they fight, how they don't get each other. But I never had to go through that. Mika is my best friend. I don't know how to put this without sounding mean, but I just wish I could say the same for you.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>With that said, I swear I didn't write this letter to make you feel guilty. The goal isn't to hurt you. If I tried this a few years ago it would've been a different story if I'm being honest. It took this long, but I finally understand this just as painful for you as it was for us. I'll never understand why you did what you did, but I have to believe you thought it was your only option. I'm not ready to see you again yet, but I want to know you again. And I want you to know me. This is as ready as I'll ever be to making the first move, so this is me going for it.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Oh, I have a boyfriend now. His name is Dale. Dad met him the other night and ultimately he liked him but he also admitted he thought he was boring. You know honest he is. He likes golf, reading, and finance and he's allergic to anything that involves an adrenaline rush. The more I think about it, the more I think he's a human version of you. Except way less opinionated. I don't know what the future holds. Maybe you'll meet him someday, maybe you won't. But if you do, I know you'll like him.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>The bottom line here is that I'm happy, and I want you to know that I'm okay. And Dad's okay. It wasn't easy, but we got each other through to the other side, and we're stronger for it. I don't know if that strength was worth the pain, but I guess we'll never know.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Now, all I want to know is if you're okay. You can write back to me at the address listed below, if you want. Til then, I'll be thinking of you. I never really stopped, even when I wished I could.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Take care, Dad.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>- Gracie</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>And finally it was over. Kurda's heart was pounding so hard he was surprised Mika couldn't hear it. He took a deep breath, his whole body was trembling violently again, but this time it didn't hurt.</p><p>
  <em>/ She doesn't hate me. She doesn't hate me. She doesn't hate me. I'm going to see my daughter again. /</em>
</p><p>"Bad news?" Mika ventured, observing Kurda's erratic breathing.</p><p>"She... she told me all about her life." Kurda croaked. "Finishing school, her job, her office, her boyfriend... How broken she felt because of me. How strong she is now... that she's happy. That... that someday she wants to see me again. She's not ready yet, but she said someday. Someday..." he repeated, scarcely daring to believe it.</p><p>Then the emotions became too much and Kurda broke down again, but this time he was sobbing in relief. Like the weight of the universe had been lifted from his shoulders. He didn't understand how his body was still producing tears at this point when it had already released so many.</p><p>"That's good." He heard Mika's voice rumble gently. "That's really good. That's what I wanted for you both, believe it or not."</p><p>"She included her address so I can write back to her. And she talked about you..." Kurda choked out, roughly wiping tears from his eyes. "Gods, you did so well with her, Mika. She's so proud of you. She knew how hard you struggled, and she wanted to make sure I knew. That was the hardest part to read."</p><p>"I've always wanted her to be honest with me about how she felt." Said Mika wearily. "So I try to be honest with her too. I'm still working on that. Hasn't been easy."</p><p>"You've come a long way." Said Kurda. "There was a time you'd rather die than admit to anyone you're capable of emotion."</p><p>Mika let out a hoarse, humourless laugh.</p><p>"Look at trajectory of our relationship, Kurda. I didn't have a choice."</p><p>"Either way, I'm proud of you too. Not that that means much coming from me."</p><p>Mika shrugged.</p><p>"You're right, it doesn't mean much. But it's more than nothing. So thanks."</p><p>"You must be hard up for compliments these days." Kurda remarked drily.</p><p>"In case you haven't noticed, I've been off the fucking rails for almost a decade now. Honestly I should've been fired years ago, but nobody wants my job these days." Mika replied.</p><p>"Can Princes get fired?" Kurda snorted.</p><p>"Probably, if they tried hard enough."</p><p>"Then I guess you're not trying hard enough."</p><p>"I'll try to do better." Said Mika wryly. He didn't smile but for a second it looked like he could have.</p><p>"Come back to the bed, okay?" Kurda suggested wearily. "I'll sleep on the floor if you want. Seriously, I don't mind. You need to get some rest for your trip back. You still look like hell."</p><p>Kurda slowly got to his feet and extended his hand to Mika. Mika stood up as well but blatantly ignored Kurda's outstretched hand. He then walked past Kurda and opened the fridge. He stood there for a moment, a highly critical expression on his face.</p><p>"What?" Kurda asked.</p><p>"What do you eat?"</p><p>"Mostly the food at the bar. The cook kind of has a crush on me so he makes me whatever I want. Most nights I have some leftovers to bring home, but I ran out yesterday and everything is shut down with the weather." Kurda shrugged.</p><p>"Ah. Getting by on your looks. Might as well, I guess." Mika commented.</p><p>
  <em>/ That's rich coming from you, Sire Ver Leth. /</em>
</p><p>He withdrew a plastic jug of grapefruit juice and gave it a cautious sniff. He wrinkled his nose and put it back.</p><p>"Don't look at me like that. Remember that guard who'd go down to the kitchens and bring you anything you wanted to eat, any time of the day?" Kurda shot back. "You didn't even have to ask."</p><p>"He would've done the same for Arrow or Paris." Mika countered with a shrug.</p><p>"But he never offered for them. Just you." Kurda snorted. "And you knew exactly what you were doing, too. You'd give him that stupid cocky smile and he'd turn red. He requested a transfer shortly after we went public with our relationship."</p><p>"I always wondered what ever happened to him..."</p><p>"Do you even remember his name?"</p><p>"Uh... George?"</p><p>"It was Damien."</p><p>"That's what I said."</p><p>"Gods, Mika. You're a piece of work, you know that?" Kurda scoffed.</p><p>"I vaguely remember you telling me that several times... a week." Mika retorted sardonically.</p><p>"No one else was going to say it." Said Kurda matter-of-factly. "I just thought you should- wow, yes. Please help yourself to the last of my cookies. No really, take the whole box to bed with you. I don't mind."</p><p>"Your mouth is saying you don't mind, but your face is saying you mind a lot." Mika commended offhandedly through a mournful of cookie as he headed back in the direction of the bedroom with the box of chocolate chip cookies in his hand.</p><p>"Don't get crumbs in my bed, okay?"</p><p>"You ruined my life. I'll get crumbs wherever I want."</p><p>Kurda couldn't entirely suppress a dark chuckle at that. They got back in the bed once again, each on on the far edge, leaving as much space between them as they could. It made it less awkward that they each had their own separate blanket. Times really do change.</p><p>Kurda turned on the small tv in the corner and they watched the news for an hour or so. Mika munched his way through the entire bag of cookies and when he was finished he looked Kurda dead in the eye and turned the bag upside down to dump the remaining crumbs on to the clean bedsheet between them.</p><p>
  <em>/ Gods, you're a fucking idiot. /</em>
</p><p>Kurda pressed his lips together to keep from laughing, and silently went to fetch the vacuum. Mika watched him clear every last crumb from the sheet before lying back down. Kurda turned off the light, then the television and slipped under the blankets.</p><p>
  <em>/ But you were my fucking idiot once. /</em>
</p><p>"Goodnight." He told Mika gently. Mika did not respond.</p><p>
  <em>/ I know, babe. It's not a good night. /</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>These are the games of the weekend</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>We pretend that we just don't care</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>But we care (but what will we do when we're sober?)</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Ah, when you dream with the fever</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Bet you wish you could touch our rush</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>But what will we do when we're sober?</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>THREE HOURS LATER:</strong>
</p><p>"You asleep?" Kurda murmured, knowing the answer. Even from the far side of the bed he could feel how tense Mika was. He couldn't blame him. This was a weird situation and he was prone to insomnia at the best of times.</p><p>"What do you think?" Came the snarky reply.</p><p>"Do you need anything?" Kurda ventured.</p><p>"Tranquilizer dart." Mika grunted.</p><p>"Fresh out of those, sorry."</p><p>"Can't you just run to the store and get me one? Otherwise what's the point of living in town?"</p><p>"Gods, I forgot his funny you were." Kurda sighed.</p><p>"No you didn't."</p><p>
  <em>/ As if I could. /</em>
</p><p>"No, I didn't..." Kurda murmured. He looked over at Mika, who was laying on his front, with his arms folded beneath his pillow and his head turned away from Kurda.</p><p>"Seriously, do you need a warmer blanket or something?" Kurda tried again.</p><p>"I don't have a problem with the damn blanket. Did you really think I could just lie down next to you after six years of whatever the fuck that was, and fall asleep like it's nothing?"</p><p>Kurda didn't even realize he was doing it, his hand reached out of its own accord, across the empty space between them and came to rest on Mika's back. Mika flinched as if he'd been hit, and whipped around to fix Kurda with a murderous glare. Kurda recoiled, wincing apologetically.</p><p>
  <em>/ I shouldn't have done that. /</em>
</p><p>"I said don't fucking touch me, Kurda." Mika snapped.</p><p>"Old habits. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking." said Kurda quietly.</p><p>"Well, think." Mika shot back. His tone was strange, there was a subtle layer of sadness and hurt amidst the obvious anger.</p><p>"Okay." Kurda breathed as Mika rolled over on his back to stare mutely at the ceiling. "I'm thinking about all the times years ago when you'd lay awake the night before an important meeting, or a big negotiation... how I'd rub your back until I felt all that stress melt away and you'd fall asleep in my arms. And I knew there was nowhere else I'd rather be than there with you. That's what I'm thinking about."</p><p>He heard Mika exhale shakily but he didn't speak for several minutes.</p><p>"Think about something else." He said at last.</p><p>"You don't think I tried that?" Kurda replied gently. "You don't think I try my damnedest not to think about all those memories from the good years? Or the million tiny, random, stupid little things that made me fall in love with you over and over again? My life doesn't look like yours, Mika. Not that it ever did, but even less so these days. I don't have distractions like you do. I don't have a purpose. I have nothing but those memories."</p><p>Mika turned his head just far enough that their eyes could meet. His eyes bore that haunted, tortured look he'd worn in the tiny meeting room behind the Hall of Princes when he'd laid out the rules of Kurda's exile following the trial.</p><p>"You had everything. You fucking had everything." Said Mika. "And you lit it up and watched it burn."</p><p>"I had no choice. There was no way around it. I'm running out of words to explain that t you." Kurda sighed wearily.</p><p>"Can't you stop trying to justify it to me, even now? Can't you just let me resent the fact that it happened at all?"</p><p>"You have every right to resent it. You should hate me." Kurda murmured.</p><p>"Yeah, I should. But we figured out a long time ago that I can't." Mika muttered bitterly.</p><p>"Then that's the only thing you've ever failed at." Said Kurda stiffly.</p><p>"I know you were backed into a corner, or you felt like you were. Same difference. I get it. I hate that you did it, and I want to say I would've done it differently in your shoes but for all we know I would've done the same thing." Mika added. His tone was soft and fairly relaxed given the circumstances but he still had that look in his eyes. That look nobody else in the world would've picked up on but as always, Kurda could clearly see there was so much more bubbling under the surface than Mika would ever let on.</p><p>The first time Kurda figured out there was more to him than met the eye was within the first year they had Gracie. She got sick. It wasn't life-threatening but it was terrifying. Between that and clan stuff (they were on the brink of Council opening) Mika went almost 4 days without sleep and imploded into an anxious, unhinged wreck because he couldn't escape the compulsive need to be everything everyone needed him to be. Couldn't ask for help, refused to delegate, refused to be anything but unbreakable with so many eyes on him.</p><p>So when he did fall apart back then, it was behind closed doors. Kurda was only there because Gracie was there, but he was there nonetheless. So it was Kurda who spent an hour gently coaxing Mika to take an evening, just one evening off to take care of himself and get some damn sleep until he finally relented. And even then, Kurda lay on the floor next to his coffin as he slept because he was certain if he left the room, Mika would just pop back up and get back to work because that was just how his brain was wired. He couldn't help it.</p><p>They weren't a couple back then, that wasn't even on the radar. They barely liked each other and they only tolerated each other because they'd both fallen head over heels in love with the tiny orphan who now depended on them to cooperate for her sake. But that was enough for Kurda to break down Mika's heavy mental barriers, the first of many times.</p><p>"I'm sure you would've found a better way, Mika." Kurda whispered at last, his voice cracking. "I'm sure you would've walked right up to Desmond Tiny's doorstep and told him to shove his doomsday prophecies back up his asshole where they came from. And you know what? He probably would've listened to you! Because you're Mika Fucking Ver Leth. And you're better than this. Better than this futile war. Better than the senseless violence. Better than the lies, better than the knife I put in your back. And you're so much better than lying in this bed with me right now. Gods, I just... I don't... fuck, Mika! You shouldn't be here! I shouldn't even be here! I wish you'd all just executed me when you had the chance!" He had to force the last few words out. His throat felt like he'd swallowed a bottle of acid. There was a long, weighty pause.</p><p>"Yeah, well... I wish your plan had worked." Mika croaked out after an eternity of silence.</p><p>Kurda didn't remember the moments after that. His mind was completely blank. But suddenly the empty space between them had been closed and Mika was on top of him, kissing him fiercely, hungrily, like he always used to in the good years but somehow with more intensity than ever before. And Kurda was kissing him back lustfully, almost desperately as though his life depending on maintaining the spark that had started without warning after going cold for seven years.</p><p>Which of them started it, he'd never know. Maybe they'd both ignited it at the exact same second. All they knew was that suddenly they were grinding their bodies together, tongues down each other's throats, feverishly undressing each other though it was a timed event. They didn't speak; they didn't have to. The only sounds in the whole world, as far as they knew, was the roar of the blizzard outside and the ragged gasps, whimpers, and moans that escaped as they hurriedly reconnected in all the intimate ways that were only distant memories before now. They were rough with each other, undoubtedly they'd both have bruises tomorrow. Neither of them gave a fuck.</p><p>Kurda knew this was a bad, bad idea. He knew Mika knew it too. But it was becoming increasingly obvious that Mika still had Kurda's body memorized even now. He knew all the things Kurda liked, the things he loved, and the things that drove him absolutely fucking wild until he was moaning incoherently, the noises barely muffled as he pressed his face against Mika's collarbone.</p><p>"We shouldn't..." Kurda managed to gasp as they rapidly approached the point of no return. But even as he spoke those words he tightened his grip around Mika's back and rocked against him even harder.</p><p>"Tell me to stop and I will. Just say the word." Mika muttered back breathlessly as his lips brushed up and down Kurda's neck just lightly enough to drive him out of his mind with impatience. Kurda responded by kissing him back even more hungrily, running his hands down his back, and finally digging his fingertips into Mika's hipbones, pulling him closer and wordlessly telling Mika exactly what he wanted and how he wanted it.</p><p>And it sure as hell wasn't "stop".</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Oh God, I'm closing my teeth</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Around this liquor-wet lime</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Night, lose my mind</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>I know you're feeling it too</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Can we keep up with the ruse?</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>B-bodies all through my house</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>I know this story by heart</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Jack and Jill got fucked up and possessive</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>When they get dark</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>The fire that started between them ended in the most stunning finale either of them had ever experienced, and that was saying something seeing as back in the happy years they'd been pretty good at this kind of thing. Kurda knew he'd be sore tomorrow and was certain Mika would be too. But right now his body felt as limp and relaxed as if he'd never known a day of stress in his life. And he expected Mika would be feeling the same way so he didn't give him much thought at first. This wasn't like before. There was no need to cuddle, or lean into each other and murmur tired compliments. The deed was done. Should it have happened? Nope. Had it given him the release he didn't even know he'd been craving? Damn right.</p><p>But something else was off. It struck Kurda as odd that Mika didn't seem to have a self-congratulatory remark for this one. No backhanded compliment. That wasn't like him.</p><p>One of the pros of being in a relationship with Mika: he was good in bed.</p><p>One of the cons of being in a relationship with Mika: he knew he was good in bed, and he wanted you to know he knew.</p><p>Sure times change, but for him to be silent right now was uncharacteristic nonetheless. Kurda opened his eyes and looked over at him. He was laying on his side, facing away from Kurda. Once again as close to the edge of the bed as he could get, putting as much space between himself and Kurda as he could. That in itself was neither here nor there. But it occurred to Kurda that, rather than slowing down, Mika's breathing seemed to becoming more rapid, erratic even. He'd seen this before and it never ended well.</p><p>
  <em>/ I knew I should've shut it down.../</em>
</p><p>"Hey." Kurda murmured, his voice low and gravelly with concern. He cautiously reached out and for the second time that night he laid his palm against Mika's back. "What's wrong?"</p><p>Mika was unresponsive at first.</p><p>"Talk to me, Mika." Kurda insisted. "Are you okay?"</p><p>"We shouldn't have done that... fuck... why did I fucking do that?!" Mika muttered, his voice sounding constricted. Kurda felt a jolt of alarm, how could this be the same man who had him pinned down and seeing stars just minutes ago?</p><p>
  <em>/ Come on, babe... don't do this to yourself. I'm not worth it. /</em>
</p><p>"Was it that bad? I know I'm out of practice but I thought I did fine." Kurda replied softly, making a point of keeping his tone light. The words sounded funny on his lips, it was the type of comment Mika normally made.</p><p>"That's not what I mean!" Mika groaned, rolling back over to face Kurda.</p><p>"I know it's not." Said Kurda steadily. "And you're right, we shouldn't have done it. But we did it. It's over now. And it won't happen again. So don't spiral, okay?"</p><p>"I'll spiral if I fucking want to, Kurda!"</p><p>Kurda rolled his eyes despite himself. Now Mika sounded more like himself again.</p><p>"Gods, you're impossible." He murmured. "Come here."</p><p>He expected Mika to recoil again like he had earlier but to Kurda's surprise, Mika didn't put up a fight as Kurda gently pulled him over into his arms. The fact that he rested his head on Kurda's chest and closed his eyes felt like progress. Although Kurda wasn't sure they were supposed to be making progress.</p><p>"I was only supposed to drop off the letter and leave... none of this was supposed to happen... fuck... can't believe... so fucking stupid." Mika whispered, seeming to be talking more to himself than Kurda. But for the second time that night, the sudden burst of panic didn't escalate into a full-scale attack and Kurda was grateful for that much.</p><p>"Don't do go down that road." Kurda whispered. "Just forget it ever happened."</p><p>"I don't want to forget." Mika croaked. "I should, but I don't. This is the fucking problem! I got over you once already. It took me years, but I did it. And now... back at square one. I'm so fucking stupid..."</p><p>"You're the farthest thing from that. Just rest now. You're going to be fine. I promise you." Kurda whispered, running his fingertips up and down Mika's back. Finally, Mika slowly began to relax his body until he was limp in Kurda's arms.</p><p>
  <em>/ And I know you don't believe me, but it's true. You'll see. /</em>
</p><p>Kurda silently reflected on the memory of the last time they held each other like this, except their positions were reversed. Kurda had been on his way up from the tunnels just hours after murdering Gavner Purl and the shock and remorse were just too much and he collapsed on the floor unable to walk and barely able to breathe. And it was just his luck that Mika had to be the one to stumble across him. They hadn't been on good terms then, yet Mika dropped everything to take care of Kurda until it passed because he knew all too well what it felt like.</p><p>He didn't know how much time had passed, but eventually he realized Mika had fallen asleep there, his head resting on Kurda's chest. Finally his weary, conflicted soul had found peace, even if only for a few hours.</p><p>Only then did Kurda join Mika in the distant land of slumber.</p><p>When Kurda woke up, it took him a minute for the previous night's memories to come jolting back but when they did, he felt a pang of guilt. He slowly stretched without opening his eyes, and reached to the left where Mika had been sleeping. But all he felt was a cool sheet. He opened his eyes in dismay and realized Mika was gone. He got up and wandered to the kitchen, desperately hoping he'd see him there, maybe eating entire package of bacon or slurping coffee straight out of the pot. It was the simple little things like that Mika would do without a second thought, and then look at Kurda with this baffled expression as though Kurda was the crazy one for laughing. But it had been years since they'd laughed like that, and it quickly became apparent that Mika was GONE gone.</p><p>He'd left a note on the kitchen table:</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>K -</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Had to leave. That was way too much.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Found an unopened box of cookies. Took it with me for the road. Hope that's ok. If not... I don't care and I'm not sorry.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Thanks for taking care of me, I guess.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Stay well. See you when I see you.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>- M.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Okaaayy guys, I hope that lived up to your expectations! Once again, I know this reunion was a fucking mess but I Did That On Purpose. And rest assured I'm gonna Do It Again in the next chapter.</p><p>Please drop a heart or a comment. I absolutely live for your feedback!</p><p>Also, I want to say thanks for the positive feedback I received about Gracie's character after the previous chapter!!! Personally I don't much care for OCs so I always feel self-conscious when I write them myself. So once again, thank you so much. You guys are amazing. </p><p>Mika's version of this is FINISHED and will be up probably tomorrow! All the dialogue is identical but the thoughts and commentary are very different. The inner workings of Mika's wild and wonderful brain are my very favourite things to write about, so I'm extra excited to share it.</p><p>Thanks for reading!! Again, feedback is everything... so, please?</p><p>Love you guys!</p><p>- Roxy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. SOBER II: Mika</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>And the terror and the horror, god, I wonder why we bother<br/>All the glamour and the trauma, And the fucking melodrama</p><p>***</p><p>Same reunion. Same angsty boys. New perspective. We know what Kurda was thinking during all that, but what was going on in Mika's sassy little mind? To use his own words, "buckle the fuck up".</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Guys, I am FLOORED by your feedback after last chapter and I'm so sorry for making all of you cry. I wish this was the early 2010's so I could put all my replies here in the A/N but I have a feeling that isn't cool anymore. Thank you for everyone who's commented, fav'd, and talked to me via Tumblr and Discord!</p><p>Part two is strictly Mika's viewpoint/internal dialogue. I've included snippets of their stream of consciousness, / and they're formatted like this./</p><p>All the dialogue and SOME of the commentary will be the same as last chapter. But the tone is completely different IMHO. Personally I like this version better. Truth be told, there's nothing I love more than writing Mika's innermost thoughts. I adore this sassy little disaster with my entire soul.</p><p>Pasting this from chapter 9's A/N because it still applies: This is a really heavy chunk of storyline, so be warned. It's emotional, raw, and extremely chaotic because how could it not be after the way they left things between them? Again, dropping a precautionary TW for allusions to something that could be loosely considered self-harm.</p><p>Without further ado.. let's see what's on Sad Boy #2's mind!</p><p>Chapter 9 : SOBER II - Mika</p><p>Song: Sober II (Melodrama) by Lorde</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>You asked if I was feeling it</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>I'm psycho high</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Know you won't remember in the morning</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>When I speak my mind</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Lights are on and they've gone home</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>But who am I?</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Oh, how fast the evening passes</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Cleaning up the champagne glasses</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>After his week-long retreat to the modern comforts of his daughter's high rise apartment building, Mika rejoined his strike team and and got back to business. As much as he'd miss the Uber Eats, the hot running water, and the hours spent watching television with Gracie she came home from work, he still had a job to do. And the sooner he did it, the closer they came to ending this long, ugly war. Mika's troop was miraculously intact after almost five years in the field but the fact remained that both vampires and vampaneze were being slaughtered at alarming rates. All the human comforts in the world couldn't take his mind off that.</p><p>They hadn't made as much progress as he hoped, but the vampaneze forces they encountered sporadically in their travels didn't exactly seem like an united front. They'd raided eight vampaneze strongholds since leaving the mountain, yet despite their best efforts they weren't any closer to locating the illusive Vampaneze Lord. But there was a silver lining. Despite their lord's best attempts, the vampaneze morale proved to be low across the board.</p><p>The vampaneze seemed to be in a pattern of increasing their numbers in order to better their odds of winning the war, but that wasn't the most disturbing part to Mika. The rumours that they were recruiting unblooded humans to do their dirty work was highly concerning but so far Mika hadn't personally encountered any of them.</p><p>He'd been speaking back and forth with Arrow regularly, but he'd taken to only giving Paris monthly updates. Communication via telepathy, while convenient, did take a toll on one's body and mind. Younger vampires like Mika or Arrow were able to withstand more than an older man would; anyone their age could sustain a lengthy conversation before feeling dizzy or getting a headache. But Paris had a a good five centuries on Mika and although he'd never admit it, Mika could tell he had to work harder to sustain their connection than he used to. So Mika backed off; he was planning to return to the mountain by the end of the year anyway so he could update Paris in person then. There was another vampaneze stronghold he wanted to attack on the return trip, but he had one more piece of business to attend to first.</p><p>He'd quit Kurda cold-turkey the night of the exile. Not once, not even at his weakest moment had he reached out telepathically. And honestly, he was proud of that fact. The betrayal still hurt but he'd made peace with the fact that it always would. He'd learned to coexist with his trauma. As Mika reached the halfway point of his fifth year in the field, he quietly congratulated himself on the simple fact that he was still here, and he was okay. Some days, he'd even go so far as to say he was good. And better yet, Gracie was okay. Actually, Gracie had surpassed Mika by a long shot in that area. She was more than okay, she was excellent. While he'd been surviving, she was thriving.</p><p>Mika had always hoped one day she'd be able have some semblance of a healthy relationship with Kurda again. Mika really had no idea how they'd even go about that, but he did know Kurda loved Gracie just as much as Mika did. It was all he knew these days.</p><p>Mika promised Gracie when - if - the time came, he'd make it happen. Whatever it took.</p><p>Then one night they were sitting together on the couch eating the finest tacos Uber Eats had to offer, and Gracie handed him a letter out of nowhere and asked him to deliver it to her estranged Other Dad. And in that moment, Mika realized he was woefully unprepared to follow through with his promise.</p><p>And several months later, he was woefully unprepared for the blizzard of titanic proportions that just about buried him as he set about tracking Kurda's location.</p><p>He had a good idea of where Kurda was, but he didn't preface his visit with a telepathic warning. The second he felt Kurda's voice in his head he knew he'd lose his nerve. So basically, Kurda was in for a hell of a surprise.</p><p>
  <em>/ Not like it'll be any worse than the last time he surprised me. /</em>
</p><p>It'd be quick. In and out.</p><p>"Hey, remember me? Your ex-other-half who you completely fucked over beyond comprehension because of a doomsday prophecy? Just wanted to let you know our child is thriving despite all of that psychological trauma and apparently has some words for you." Something along those lines would get his point across nicely.</p><p>Then he'd hand over the envelope and get the fuck out of there. At least that was the plan, but at the rate he was going he didn't even know if he'd make it to Kurda before he froze to death. Not to mention he had no idea what Kurda's living situation was; for all he knew Kurda was living in the wild and just as exposed to the elements as Mika was.</p><p>He flitted when he could, until the whiteout conditions made it impossible. So he walked, and walked. He slept in a shallow cave, and walked some more. He was no stranger to harsh elements but this took the cake for the worst conditions he'd ever endured. And he was alone, having sent the team back in the direction of the mountain without him. He'd link up with them when he was done here.</p><p>
  <em>/ If I don't freeze to death first. Fuck me, I hate camping. /</em>
</p><p>He tracked Kurda's signal to a small fishing village, closer and closer until his weary legs carried him to a small, red cottage that seemed like it overlooked the harbour but the driving snow was so fierce he really had no idea.</p><p>
  <em>/ The fuck are you doing in a cottage this nice? /</em>
</p><p>For several moments he stood there in the snow and summoned every fibre of strength he possessed. He double-checked the iron walls he'd reinstalled around his heart post-Kurdapocalypse. He supposed they were as strong as they were going to get. But truth be told, if hypothermia hadn't been closing in on him so imminently, he would've stood out there a hell of a lot longer than he did.</p><p>So he approached the door, and with a violently shaking hand he knocked three times.</p><p>A complete eternity elapsed.</p><p>And then like a mirage, the lock clicked and the door opened slowly to reveal Kurda Smahlt standing there, like something out of a fever dream.</p><p>And he looked... gods, he was still fucking gorgeous. That was truly the only word for him. For a fragment of a second, Mika didn't feel the cold. As he stood there on the front porch step a mere foot away from Kurda, all he felt was safe.</p><p>"Mika?" Kurda choked out at last. His voice was harsh, confused, almost frightened.</p><p>And the spell was broken.</p><p>
  <em>/ No. It's Santa Claus. /</em>
</p><p>"Unfortunately." Mika replied stiffly, trying to keep his teeth from chattering.</p><p>Kurda gawked at him as though seeing a ghost. Mika supposed he couldn't blame him, but his frozen, aching body was throwing up every red flag and warning signal in its arsenal. Physical discomfort trumped emotional baggage and Mika knew he couldn't stand outside for one second longer.</p><p>
  <em>/ Against my better judgement, it's time to take this inside. /</em>
</p><p>"Either you move, or I move you." Mika added.</p><p>"Sorry. Come in." Said Kurda. The man looked stunned. But he stepped aside. Mika brushed past him and into he house. He breathed a deep sigh of relief as he was finally sheltered from the biting wind. Even though it was Kurda's home, it was shelter all the same.</p><p>He heard Kurda's footsteps pause behind him abruptly.</p><p>"What are you doing here? Is Gracie okay?" Kurda demanded sharply.</p><p>Mika supposed that was a fair question. There weren't many scenarios in which Mika would seek him out in exile. One of the more likely possibilities being that something was seriously wrong. But mercifully that wasn't this.</p><p>"Gracie's fine." Mika responded curtly. He continued to explore the house, purposefully not looking at Kurda. It was a nice place. Small, but cozy. One floor, open concept, natural wood-panelled walls. A subtle nautical theme but not to the point of tackiness.</p><p>"Don't I get a hug?" Kurda inquired sarcastically. Mika had a momentary urge to walk back out the door and take his chances with hypothermia. The audacity of this man.</p><p>
  <em>/ Pardon the fuck out of me? /</em>
</p><p>He shot Kurda a withering glare.</p><p>"It was a joke." Kurda added meekly.</p><p>"Comedy was never your thing. Who's house is this?" Mika grunted as he kicked his boots off."</p><p>"Mine."</p><p>"How do you have your own house? I don't even have a fucking house." Mika commented as he stared around the living room. "Glad exile has been so kind to you."</p><p>"Won it in a bet. Just the right place at the right time." Kurda explained. "It's a funny story, actually. I met this guy-"</p><p>"I don't care." Mika interrupted icily.</p><p>"What are you doing here, Mika?" Kurda asked cautiously. "I don't suppose this is a social visit."</p><p>Mika slowly turned to face him and finally their eyes met. At first glance, Kurda looked mostly the same but as Mika looked closer he saw exactly how much exile had taken its toll upon the ex-General. His muscles were less defined and there was an lethargic sort of detachment in his ocean eyes. Clearly he was intrigued by Mika's sudden presence, but more wary than anything else. His hair, falling almost to his shoulders, was still that eye-catching shade of platinum. Although... maybe it was the dim lighting in the room but Mika thought it had lost some of its shine. He was wearing a pair of sweatpants and blue hooded sweatshirt that was very close to the same shade he always used to wear in the mountain. Some things never change.</p><p>
  <em>/ How dare you look good in sweatpants. /</em>
</p><p>"It's not an emergency, and nothing's wrong. But I actually am here about Gracie. I came to give you this." Said Mika. He reached into the layers of clothing and withdrew an envelope. He watched Kurda's face turn white as a sheet, and he knew Kurda knew exactly what was going to happen next. "She wrote this... and she wanted me to get it to you. So this is me getting it to you."</p><p>Mika gingerly extended the letter and Kurda's hands were shaking so hard Mika was sure he was going to either drop it or accidentally tear it in half.</p><p>"Is she... okay?" Kurda whispered. He stared up at Mika, his eyes as round as dinner plates and brimming with emotion.</p><p>
  <em>/ That's a loaded fucking question. /</em>
</p><p>"She's perfect." He told Kurda at last. "Despite everything, despite us... she's perfect."</p><p>That was the truth.</p><p>"And how are you?" Kurda added, his voice even quieter than before.</p><p>
  <em>/ Fuck you. You know exactly how I am. /</em>
</p><p>"Cold." He informed Kurda dully.</p><p>"You're shaking." Kurda remarked. "How long were you out in the storm?"</p><p>He took a step closer to Mika, concern lining his face and Mika instinctively took two steps backwards.</p><p>"About two days. I flitted most of the trip but I had to slow down once I got caught in it." Said Mika.</p><p>"Well, stay here til the storm passes, okay?" Said Kurda cautiously. "Now I'm sure this is the last place on earth you want to be-"</p><p>"Correct." Mika interjected bluntly. At least Kurda still maintained some degree of self-awareness.</p><p>"-but it's supposed to clear up by late tomorrow. Just give it a day."</p><p>"Would be my fucking luck." Mika growled, turning to gaze out the window at the endless snow. His heart sank as he recognized Kurda was right. Chances are he'd be fine, but still. It wouldn't be worth his life just to avoid a few hours of awkwardness. Right? He supposed he'd find out whether that was true or not.</p><p>"Go take a hot shower." Kurda suggested in a way that felt more like an order. Funny how that unassuming little blond never had any qualms about ordering the Prince around, even in the early days. "You're practically blue. Seriously, you look like a corpse. I have some dry clothes you can change into. Leave your wet ones on the floor and I'll put them in the dryer. This place came with one, it's amazing-"</p><p>
  <em>/ I don't care about your dryer. /</em>
</p><p>He turned away from Kurda and wordlessly made his way to the bathroom before Kurda had time to direct him to it.</p><p>It had been all Mika could do to remain standing upright since he arrived. This town was way beyond the middle of nowhere and the journey had been nothing short of hell frozen over.</p><p>But truth be told, it was all worth it for some hot water. He hadn't had the luxury of a heated bath or shower since he'd visited Gracie's apartment. He belatedly considered how stupid he'd been to press his luck in these conditions. He should've taken proper shelter when he had the chance. A human would have frozen to death well before now, and even the hardiest vampire would be starting to show signs of hypothermia, which he was. Standing finally became too much, and he slowly sunk down to the floor with his back against the wall of the shower and sat there as the warm water slowly coax sensation back into his numb limbs.</p><p>For several moments, he felt safe. Calm, even. The only sound in the world was the sound of the running water and his own steady breathing. The fear and chaos of the last half-decade slowly faded to nothing and for a minute or two, he was simply suspended in the present. Nothing ahead, nothing behind, just warmth.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>We told you this was melodrama</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>(Oh, how fast the evening passes)</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>(Cleaning up the champagne glasses)</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Our only wish is melodrama</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>(Oh, how fast the evening passes</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Cleaning up the champagne glasses)</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Eventually it had to come to an end, as all good things do. After he dried off, he opened the door to find a pile of clothes folded neatly in front of the bathroom door - a pair of red and black plaid pyjama pants which he'd never admit to liking, and a large black hoodie. As he put the hoodie on, he realized there was something written on the front. He glanced in the mirror and chuckled despite himself: "I Heart Beer And Titties".</p><p>"Why do you have this? I know for a fact you're not interested in beer or titties." Mika loudly asked Kurda as he returned to the living room area.</p><p>Kurda looked up and let out a small laugh when he noticed the crass slogan on the hoodie.</p><p>"I actually didn't know it had anything on it. It's not mine. See, I sort of work as a bartender and every now and then I take home the unclaimed clothes from the lost and found box, and I clean them up and donate them to the homeless shelter. That one must've been inside-out when I washed it."</p><p>"I'm keeping it." Mika informed him. "Arrow will think it's funny."</p><p>"I don't doubt it. Enjoy." Said Kurda flatly as he added a piece of wood to the fireplace before returning to his armchair. Mika sat in the other one.</p><p>"Wait, you have a job?" Mika backtracked abruptly.</p><p>"Have to pay the bills somehow." Said Kurda. His tone was crisp and light but completely serous. "You may recall I lost my old job a few years ago."</p><p>"That's one way of putting it." Mika replied darkly.</p><p>"How have you been, Mika?" Kurda asked cautiously. "Seriously. I want to know. I've been worried."</p><p>Mika let out a short, sharp laugh.</p><p>
  <em>/ Fine. You want to know? You really want to know? /</em>
</p><p>"How have I been? Wow. Fuck me, where do I even start? Well, I was blind drunk for the entire first week after you were gone. Except for a six hour window when I had to flit up to the school and tell Gracie what happened-"</p><p>Kurda winced and it took everything Mika had not to yell at him.</p><p>
  <em>/ How dare you sit there and look sad? You did this. /</em>
</p><p>"How did she take it?" He asked anxiously.</p><p>"As well as could be expected." Said Mika, bitterness in his eyes at the memory. "She didn't deserve that, Kurda."</p><p>"Do you think I don't know that?! Screwing you over was hard enough. But knowing what it would do to her... I thought I was going to die of a broken heart months before council even started!" Kurda shot back with a hoarse, angry laugh.</p><p>"Why didn't you tell me the truth from the start?" Mika asked, his voice much quieter than before. "I would've done anything to help you. You knew that."</p><p>"Did I?!" Kurda snapped. "I'm sure you would have tried, Mika. But at the end of the day, you were still you and I was still me. You aren't capable of hatching a plan radical enough to do what needed to be done. Not to mention it would've had to go through Arrow, Paris, and Vancha. As soon as I knew what kind of timeframe I was working with, I knew I didn't have the luxury to go above-board. So no. You couldn't have helped me. Anything you would have been willing to do, wouldn't have been enough."</p><p>
  <em>/ I hate it when you're right. /</em>
</p><p>"I guess I can't argue with that." Said Mika coolly. And he couldn't. Because Kurda was right.</p><p>"You know, you didn't finish telling me how you've been doing. You covered getting drunk, and breaking the news to Gracie, then what?" Kurda asked in a low, almost encouraging voice.</p><p>Mika laughed harshly again.</p><p>"You don't want to know."</p><p>"Mika, I really do. Please. Be honest."</p><p>
  <em>/ Buckle the fuck up, then. /</em>
</p><p>"Well, it was a full week before I could physically set foot in the Hall of Princes without having a mental breakdown and even then it was iffy. And it was a month before I could go sleep in my own cell, seeing as I smashed my furniture the night you left and the thought of sleeping in that room with all those memories made me want to fucking die."</p><p>He watched Kurda's face fall. He didn't give a damn.</p><p>
  <em>/ Hey, you asked. /</em>
</p><p>"I was more or less a high-functioning train wreck for almost half the year." He continued. "Gods only know how Paris and Arrow put up with me. I didn't deserve their patience. And the clan deserved better than what I was able to give them at that time. I was a fucking disaster. That honest enough for you, Kurda?" He was practically shouting by the time he finished.</p><p>An icy silence hung in the air, punctured only by the howling wind outside.</p><p>Was it harsh? Maybe. Did Mika care? No. Did he feel a thousand pounds lighter with that off his chest? Abso-fucking-lutely.</p><p>Kurda's brow furrowed and he let out a soft moan of dismay. Mika rolled his eyes dismissively.</p><p>"Oh, don't you worry. I got my shit together eventually. Probably took a decade off my life but I did it. I've been out in the field for almost five years now." Mika added, bringing his voice down to a more casual level. "This is my last stop before we head home. My team is already on the way back but I told them I'd catch up once I'd... tied up my loose ends."</p><p>Kurda buried his face in his hands and breathed heavily for several minutes. Mika observed him with an air of detached impatience. As dark as those memories were, they were so familiar to him now. He had no trouble going back in time and digging them up. For better or worse, the trauma was part of him now. All that pain had made him stronger in the end.</p><p>But the gritty details of his healing process, the raw depravity of it all, was all new news to Kurda and clearly he was struggling with it. Mika didn't know how to react to that. Part of him knew in his heart of hearts that on some level, Kurda still cared very deeply for him. But the less rational part of him wanted to scream in Kurda's face:</p><p>
  <em>/ Fuck you. You did this. /</em>
</p><p>But he remained silent and let Kurda process it.</p><p>"Thank you for being honest." The blond whispered at last.</p><p>"Whatever."</p><p>"What's going on between the clans?" Kurda asked after another brief pause. There was a sudden sharpness in his voice, almost urgency. But Mika laughed bitterly.</p><p>"I don't think so. That's not how exile works. You lost your privilege to know what's going on. I only told you my story because I want you to know exactly what you put me through. And I'm only in your house because I accidentally had a kid with you."</p><p>"Found a kid with me." Kurda corrected out of habit. It was the oldest joke they shared. Mika refused to laugh, but his posture relaxed for a moment.</p><p>"Fair enough." Kurda added, then his face darkened. "Mika, I need to ask you one other thing... and I know it's none of my business, but I have to know. It's been eating me alive."</p><p>Mika raised an eyebrow.</p><p>
  <em>/ This should be good. /</em>
</p><p>"Try me."</p><p>"Is Darren alive?"</p><p>Strangely enough, Mika's first reaction was amusement at the absurdity of that question. Darren was a lot better than alive.</p><p>Then he realized how ignorant that was. Of course Kurda would have no idea. How could he? He'd been here the whole time, clearly upholding his end of the exile agreement. Mika couldn't scoff at him for that. He softened ever so slightly and looked directly at Kurda. It wasn't lost on him that the ex-General had formed a bond with the boy from the very start, gently nurturing him the way he always had with his own daughter. Because that's the kind of man Kurda Smahlt was.</p><p>
  <em>/ Okay. Fair question. /</em>
</p><p>"Yeah. Darren's fine. Not only did we let him off the hook, we gave him one hell of a promotion." Mika began. By the time Kurda was up to speed on Darren's whereabouts, there were tears of relief flowing unrestrainedly from his blue eyes and Mika had to look away.</p><p>"We're not perfect, Kurda. We're so far from perfect, and I know that now... but we aren't monsters. It still keeps me up at night how close we came to ending his life. If I had to execute that kid on top of everything else that happened... fuck, I wouldn't have been able to come back from that."</p><p>
  <em>/ And I know you thought we were monsters during all of that. Don't deny it. /</em>
</p><p>Kurda nodded sombrely and murmured,</p><p>"I know you wouldn't have."</p><p>Mika didn't answer.</p><p>"How are the others?" Kurda asked hopefully.</p><p>"Well, Arra and Gavner are still dead." Said Mika coldly. But he regretted it when Kurda bowed his head and held his face in his shaking hands as though it was all as fresh as the day it happened.</p><p>
  <em>/ Okay, that was harsh. Even for me. /</em>
</p><p>"Larten is doing well." Mika added slowly. "He struggled just as much as I did at first. I truly felt for him. I shared his grief over Arra, but he lost her and Gavner in such a short amount of time... I didn't know if he'd recover but he rose from the ashes with a hell of a lot more dignity than I did. Darren's new status came with an unspoken promotion for Larten too. He may not be a Prince, but truthfully we all see him as one of us. And he deserves it."</p><p>Kurda slowly raised his head to meet Mika's eyes again.</p><p>"Good." He whispered weakly. "That's good."</p><p>"Vanez was blinded in the battle. It was a difficult adjustment but he's still the best Games Master we've ever had." Mika continued. "Seba is the same as ever. He didn't retire after council like he'd planned to, but I think he's just as happy that way."</p><p>Kurda nodded attentively as Mika spoke. It wasn't lost on Mika how much the ex-General truly did care. And that somehow made this so much harder.</p><p>"Paris is still going strong. He'll outlive us all. But I'm glad he has Darren in the mountain to help him out - Arrow's been out in the field as long as I have. I haven't seen any of the other Princes in almost five years."</p><p>"Five years without Arrow? That sounds a recipe for an astronomical case of separation anxiety." Said Kurda with a dry smile. Mika didn't smile but he exhaled in a vaguely amused manner.</p><p>
  <em>/ You alway were a little jealous that I had friends and you didn't. /</em>
</p><p>"Funny, that's what Paris said before we parted ways. And I do miss him, but we've both been keeping busy and communicating regularly."</p><p>"What did he say when you told him you were coming to visit me?" Kurda ventured apprehensively.</p><p>Mika snorted derisively and arched his eyebrows at Kurda.</p><p>"Like I'd tell him. Best case scenario, he'd worry. Worst case, he'd track me down and carry me back to the mountain at the thought of you being anywhere near me."</p><p>"He knows we have a daughter. Surely he realized there was a good chance we'd have to see each other again at some point." Kurda grunted dispassionately.</p><p>"You know how he is where your purple friends are concerned." Mika replied heatedly, feeling a defensive edge creep into his tone. "And if you saw me the night you left... you wouldn't blame him."</p><p>Kurda sighed deeply, a profound weariness clouding his once-youthful face.</p><p>"Are you hungry?" He asked.</p><p>"I'm fine. Hunted on my way here."</p><p>"Good. How are you feeling now? You must be exhausted." Kurda asked. He surveyed Mika as though expecting him to tumble sideways out of the armchair at any given moment.</p><p>"Somehow I'm still cold." Mika admitted.</p><p>"Winters here are brutal." Said Kurda. "But the summer is worth it. You should see the view from this window when the snow is gone, oh my gods. It's incredible. It's worth a bit of sunburn to get up in the middle of the day and watch the whales jumping in the harbour."</p><p>Mika felt a strange jab of nostalgia as his brain's cortex unlocked a long-forgotten memory.</p><p>"I just remember how much you liked watching the whales when we went on that mission, do you remember? On that ship?" Kurda added meekly.</p><p>
  <em>/ Yeah. When my biggest problem was the fact that you wouldn't stop talking to me. /</em>
</p><p>"When you threw up about ten seconds after we left the dock?" Said Mika with an affirmative nod. "That was the first mission we ever went on together. Gods, you were so annoying. I wanted to throw you overboard."</p><p>"You told me. Several times." Kurda sighed.</p><p>"At least you always knew where you stood with me. Can't say the same about you." Mika added darkly, raising an eyebrow. Kurda groaned and closed his eyes for a moment or two, running a hand tiredly through his hair.</p><p>"We were so young back then." Kurda reminisced. "You were a freshly minted General with an ego complex, and I was -"</p><p>"A naive, idealistic misfit who'd rather sit alone and draw a map than make friends." Mika interjected. If he was being perfectly honest, he didn't love the casual cruelty that slipped into his voice without any effort on his part.</p><p>But hey, Kurda had tried to kill him after all. So when it came down to it Mika wasn't feeling a ton of sympathy.</p><p>"Ouch." Kurda grunted. Mika shrugged.</p><p>"You still pulled a bullet out of me on that trip." Kurda added as an afterthought. "That was the first nice thing you ever did for me. Sure it hurt like a son of a bitch, as you knew it would, but you took care of me."</p><p>"It wouldn't have looked good on my record if I lost a man to an infected bullet wound on my first mission as a General." Mika retorted. "The Princes might've frowned upon that."</p><p>"Either way, I appreciated it. Even though I didn't show it at the time."</p><p>Mika nodded with an indifferent little shrug.</p><p>"The sun will be coming up soon. I'm going to bed. You should too." Said Kurda. Mika nodded curtly.</p><p>"Just give me a spare blanket. I'll sleep on the floor out here."</p><p>"I can't let you sleep on the floor, Mika." Kurda groaned. "Sleep in my bed. There's more than enough room and we can have separate blankets. You won't even notice I'm there."</p><p>Mika pondered that briefly. As much as he didn't want to be in that kind of proximity to Kurda, his body ached from months - no, years - of living hard in the wilderness. Even after his shower he still felt frozen to the bone and the idea of falling asleep in proper bed was intoxicating.</p><p>"Fine." He told Kurda defeatedly, and followed him into the small bedroom. Kurda passed him a thick cotton duvet and Mika slowly lay down on the left side of the cushiony king-size mattress. On the right side, Kurda began to do the same but he seemed to be considerably nearer to the centre than Mika was.</p><p>"That's close enough, Kurda." Mika warned him sharply. Kurda gazed over at him, traces of familiar exasperation on his face.</p><p>"I wasn't going to touch you. I know better." The blond muttered.</p><p>
  <em>/ I also thought you knew better than bringing a few dozen vampaneze into our home, but it never hurts to double check. /</em>
</p><p>"Good. Don't." He said.</p><p>Mika lay quietly for a moment but suddenly he felt too warm. He'd been chilly in the living room but there was a small space-heater in the corner of the bedroom. Mika figured if he removed the hooded sweatshirt he'd be just the right temperature. He sat upright and did so, folding the hoodie into a neat square which he placed on the floor beside the bed in case he needed it later.</p><p>Mika felt a pair of eyes watching him, and he glanced over at Kurda who'd also sat up</p><p>By the angle of Kurda's head and the stunned expression on his face, Mika knew Kurda was staring at the collection of jagged scars on his forearm that hadn't been there the last time they saw each other.</p><p>
  <em>/ Great. Here we go. /</em>
</p><p>"What?" Said Mika roughly, knowing exactly what.</p><p>"Did you do that to yourself... because of me?" Kurda whispered, a profound horror in his eyes.</p><p>
  <em>/ Short answer: yep. /</em>
</p><p>Mika held up his arm and looked at it contemplatively for a moment.</p><p>"Not in the way you're thinking. I didn't do it deliberately." He answered at last, his voice coming out in a rasp. "I already told you I lost it and wrecked some furniture the night you left - this was from when I punched through my mirror as hard as I could."</p><p>"No..." Kurda whimpered.</p><p>"Yeah. I knew what would happen, I knew it would hurt and I did it anyway. So I guess it's not that different from... what you were thinking." Mika explained tonelessly.</p><p>The blood drained from Kurda's face and he looked positively ill.</p><p>"Oh gods, Mika..." the blond ex-General gasped weakly, burying his face in his hands as his breath came in ragged, pitiful gasps.</p><p>Mika felt a familiar old fire rise up inside him, like he hadn't felt in years.</p><p>"Don't you even." Mika snapped, his voice shaking with barely suppressed fury. "You had a fucking bottle of poison set aside for me! You turned your back on everything you ever loved! You do not get to sit there and cry because I hurt myself six years ago when I was at the lowest point of my entire life. So fuck right off with that."</p><p>Kurda couldn't seem to find any words for that. He sat there, staring across the room at Mika with unspeakable devastation etched into his face.</p><p>"I trusted you." Mika whispered. "I would've died for you. You knew everything about me, even the things I didn't want anyone to know. I never loved anyone like I loved you. How could you do that to me, Kurda?"</p><p>Such a simple question but it had played on a loop in his mind every waking moment for the past six years. And there it was, finally out in the open.</p><p>"You don't think I've hated myself every second of every day since I made those plans in the first place?" Kurda spat, trembling in distress. "Mika, I would give anything to have had the option to keep you safe from all of that! I had no choice!"</p><p>"You always have a choice! You've always known I would've done anything for you! But you lied to me for years, and it cost us everything!"</p><p>"I'm the one who lost everything." Kurda croaked. "You only lost me."</p><p>
  <em>/ Ha. Ha. Ha. /</em>
</p><p>"Yeah, that's all I lost!" Mika snarled, his words drenched in angry sarcasm. "Just you! I didn't lose my sanity, my confidence, or my dignity! I didn't drink myself into a coma every other night the first three months just to get some sleep! I didn't seriously consider hanging up the crown and walking away from it all! No, I ONLY lost you!"</p><p>"I thought about you every waking moment.</p><p>I knew it would be hell on you." Kurda whispered. "I prayed to every deity I've ever heard of that you'd find a way to come out whole on the other side. It was the only thing left I could do for you."</p><p>
  <em>/ This is going great. /</em>
</p><p>"I'm not whole, Kurda! I'll never be whole again as long as I live! Whatever is left of me survived DESPITE you! So keep your fucking prayers because there's no god or gods up there that give a single fuck about me!" Mika snarled, voice growing louder and louder until he felt like his throat was going to tear open. "It was Arrow who scraped me off the floor that night before I bled out! It was Paris who sat with me all day so I didn't do anything else stupid! It was Seba, Larten, Vanez, Darren, and the rest of the clan who were patient with me as I re-learned how to function so I could do my job and take care of them!"</p><p>Kurda was sobbing freely now. And for the first time in his life, that sight and sound didn't cause Mika to freeze in his tracks. Instead it poured gasoline on the fire.</p><p>"And it was Gracie who kept me going when I just wanted all of it to stop." He continued venomously. "Because of them, I'm still here, and I'm not going anywhere! So save your fucking sympathy because I don't need it!</p><p>
  <em>/ Imagine if I started seeing a therapist. I'm not going to do it, but could you imagine? /</em>
</p><p>A ringing silence hung in the air between them. The only sound was Kurda's muffled sobs and Mika's shallow, erratic breathing.</p><p>"I'm still sorry, Mika." Kurda croaked out at last. "I'm sorry you were the collateral damage of my fear, my failure, and my desperation. I'm sorry I put you and Gracie through hell. I'm so, so sorry. And I know that's worth nothing to you now. But it's the truth."</p><p>Mika slowly ran his hand through his hair and sat back down on the edge of the bed. Dizziness began to set in and he knew he was on the verge of passing out, or breaking down, or having a panic attack. The things he thought he'd finally put behind him seemed to be just as ready as they'd been at the height of the trauma.</p><p>
  <em>/ Fuuuuuuck. /</em>
</p><p>He stared at Kurda long and hard. Kurda was sitting on the other side of the bed. His back was facing Mika now; wracked with dry, aching sobs.</p><p>"You know what the worst part is? The most fucked up part of any of this?" Mika added in a strangled whisper, the words stinging his throat like acid as he felt hot tears start to fall from his eyes. "The worst part is that after all of that... I forgive you."</p><p>Mika wasn't sure what he should do from there. Part of him hadn't meant to say it. Part of him had always known it was inevitable. But all he knew now was that he couldn't stay in this room. He also couldn't leave this house, and that left him with limited options. He got up and walked out of the room in a daze, trying to ignore the sick, tingly feeling in his limbs, the vice-like pressure in his skull, and the feeling of the oxygen being sucked from his lungs.</p><p>
  <em>/ No. We are not doing this. Not today. Never again. /</em>
</p><p>That was directed at himself.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>And the terror and the horror</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>When we wonder why we bother</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>And the terror and the horror</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>God, I wonder why we bother</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>His feet carried him to the front door even though he knew the storm was still raging, not to mention it was morning and no amount of snow and ice would be enough to filter out the deadly sunlight. So he sank down to the floor in front of the fireplace, letting the heat permeate into his cold, aching body.</p><p>He just sat, and breathed, and waited for the full brunt of the panic attack to bear down on him, but it never did. As if his entire body was relieved now that it was finally all out there on the table.</p><p>
  <em>/ So, what? I'm fixed now? Is that how this works? /</em>
</p><p>He could hear Kurda sobbing brokenly in the other room. Mika's base instinct was as simple as it had been years ago - run to him, hold him, make it stop.</p><p>But it was different now. While Mika genuinely had no desire to cause Kurda any more pain, what he did want was for Kurda to understand the true extent of the pain he caused. And now he knew, and he was processing it. Just like that night when Mika had to fall to his knees in a pile of broken glass and spilled liquor and just scream his fucking lungs out before he could take the first steps to getting over it. He'd never wanted to punish Kurda, but part of him always wanted to make him feel some part of that horror for himself.</p><p>But now the moment itself had arrived, and all Mika could think about was how shattered and helpless he felt that night years ago. And how the thought of Kurda enduring even a fraction of that agony made Mika feel physically ill.</p><p>
  <em>/ Makes perfect sense. /</em>
</p><p>Eventually the heart-wrenching sounds ceased, and Mika felt his body relax as they did so.</p><p>Ten more minutes ticked by and he heard motion from the other room and Kurda slowly appeared. He was holding two glasses of water and looked like he'd aged a thousand years. Mika did not rise from the floor, he just watched warily as Kurda slowly approached him. He slowly sat down several feet away from Mika.</p><p>"Don't touch me." Mika snapped quickly. He hadn't meant to say it, it was a knee-jerk reaction. A defence mechanism his brain utilized to protect him.</p><p>Kurda nodded mutely and set one of the glasses of water on the floor, close enough for Mika to reach it. Mika only had one thought in his mind.</p><p>
  <em>/ Don't say it. Don't say it. Don't say it. /</em>
</p><p>For several long minutes, Mika stared down at the glass. Back up at Kurda. Back to the glass. Back to Kurda once more. Kurda crossed his arms and for a second he had the faintest trace of exasperation on his face.</p><p>
  <em>/ I'm gonna say it. /</em>
</p><p>"I swear, Kurda, if you fucking poisoned that..."</p><p>Kurda let out a ragged sob of laughter, picked up the glass he'd offered Mika and drained it himself. Then he set down his own glass in its place. Mika begrudgingly picked it up and began to sip it slowly.</p><p>"Did you read the letter yet?" He asked quietly after setting the empty glass back down.</p><p>"No." Kurda whispered.</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"Because right now, I still have hope that she hasn't decided I'm permanently dead to her. And if that's what's in that letter, I'm not in a hurry to kill the only thing that's keeping me going. That's all I fucking have in this world, Mika. The slim chance that she might someday want to breathe the same air as me again."</p><p>"Makes sense." Said Mika, nodding.</p><p>"There's no way she's going to want anything to do with me. Why would she?" Kurda croaked, his face falling.</p><p>"I haven't read it." Said Mika honestly. "I don't know what it says. She said I could read it, but I decided to leave it between you and her."</p><p>Kurda pulled the envelope from his pocket and stared down at it anxiously.</p><p>"I can't do this..."</p><p>Mika rolled his eyes unsympathetically.</p><p>"Don't be so dramatic. That's what I said the night you left. Then I did it all anyway. And I'm still here."</p><p>"I've never been as strong as you, Mika."</p><p>Mika sighed heavily.</p><p>
  <em>/ Yeah, right. /</em>
</p><p>"I used to think you were stronger than me. You know that." He replied. "But whether you read it today, tomorrow, next week, next year... know that whatever thoughts and feelings she put on that page, are completely her own. I promised you I wouldn't go out of my way to demonize you, and I kept my word. Yes, I told her the ugly truth. But I made sure she understood why you did what you did, and why you felt you didn't have a choice."</p><p>"I didn't FEEL like I didn't have a choice... I DIDN'T have a choice." Kurda murmured, his voice sounding as strained and anxious as his face looked.</p><p>"Whatever. One trial was enough. I can't re-hash that again." Mika grunted. "Just read the damn letter. You don't have to tell me what it says, but you're not doing yourself any favours by waiting."</p><p>Kurda looked up at Mika, his blue eyes glassy with tears.</p><p>"Will you sit here with me?" He whispered.</p><p>Mika rolled his eyes again.</p><p>"I don't really have anywhere else to go now, do I?"</p><p>Finally, Kurda slowly tore the envelope open and withdrew the letter. Mika slowly lay down on his back upon the floor, and folded his hands beneath his head. The floor in front of the fireplace was delightfully warm, and his body rejoiced at the sensation. He closed his eyes. Kurda made no sound for the longest time, Mika couldn't even hear him breathing.</p><p>Eventually, Mika cracked one eye open, half-sure Kurda had fainted. The blond ex-General was still sitting upright with his face in his hands. The letter was sitting on the floor in front of him.</p><p>"Bad news?" Mika ventured.</p><p>Kurda took a deep breath, his whole body was trembling again.</p><p>"She... she told me all about her life." He croaked. "Finishing school, her job, her office, her boyfriend... How broken she felt because of me. How strong she is now... that she's happy. That... that someday she wants to see me again. She's not ready yet, but she said someday. Someday..." he repeated, as though the word tasted strange and unfamiliar and he wanted to try it a second time. There were a thousand emotions flashing through his eyes and for the first time since his abrupt arrival, Mika felt a trace of empathy towards Kurda, and a renewed surge of affection for his - their - daughter.</p><p>
  <em>/ Oh, Gracie... you're so much better than either of us. /</em>
</p><p>Kurda broke down again, but this time he was sobbing in relief. Like the weight of the universe had been lifted from his shoulders. Mika exhaled a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.</p><p>"That's good." Mika murmured. "That's really good. That's what I wanted for you both, believe it or not."</p><p>"She included her address so I can write back to her. And she talked about you..." Kurda choked out, roughly wiping tears from his eyes. "Gods, you did so well with her, Mika. She's so proud of you. She knew how hard you struggled, and she wanted to make sure I knew. That was the hardest part to read."</p><p>"I've always wanted her to be honest with me about how she felt." Said Mika wearily. "So I try to be honest with her too. I'm still working on that. Hasn't been easy."</p><p>"You've come a long way." Said Kurda. "There was a time you'd rather die than admit to anyone you're capable of emotion."</p><p>
  <em>/ Surely it must be a coincidence that my life was much easier back then. /</em>
</p><p>Mika let out a hoarse, humourless laugh.</p><p>"Look at trajectory of our relationship, Kurda. I didn't have a choice."</p><p>"Either way, I'm proud of you too. Not that that means much coming from me."</p><p>Mika shrugged.</p><p>"You're right, it doesn't mean much. But it's more than nothing. So thanks."</p><p>"You must be hard up for compliments these days." Kurda remarked drily.</p><p>"In case you haven't noticed, I've been off the fucking rails for almost a decade now. Honestly I should've been fired years ago, but nobody wants my job these days." Mika replied.</p><p>"Can Princes get fired?" Kurda snorted.</p><p>"Probably, if they tried hard enough."</p><p>"Then I guess you're not trying hard enough."</p><p>
  <em>/ Stop looking at me like that. Why do you have to look at me like that? /</em>
</p><p>"I'll try to do better." Said Mika wryly. He didn't smile but for a second he felt like it was within the realm of possibility.</p><p>"Come back to the bed, okay?" Kurda suggested wearily. "I'll sleep on the floor if you want. Seriously, I don't mind. You need to get some rest for your trip back. You still look like hell."</p><p>Kurda slowly got to his feet and extended his hand to Mika. Mika stood up as well but blatantly ignored Kurda's outstretched hand. He then walked past Kurda and opened the fridge.</p><p>"What?" Kurda asked.</p><p>"What do you eat?"</p><p>"Mostly the food at the bar. The cook kind of has a crush on me so he makes me whatever I want." Kurda explained with a sheepish little smile.</p><p>
  <em>/ Yeah. That checks out. /</em>
</p><p>"Most nights I have some leftovers to bring home, but I ran out yesterday and everything is shut down with the weather." He added.</p><p>"Ah. Getting by on your looks. Might as well, I guess." Mika commented, withdrawing a plastic jug of grapefruit juice and giving it a cautious sniff. In his highly discerning opinion, it smelled like ass.</p><p>"Don't look at me like that. Remember that guard who'd go down to the kitchens and bring you anything you wanted to eat, any time of the day?" Kurda shot back. "You didn't even have to ask."</p><p>
  <em>/ Now THOSE were the good old days. /</em>
</p><p>"He would've done the same for Arrow or Paris." Mika countered with a shrug.</p><p>"But he never offered for them. Just you." Kurda snorted. "And you knew exactly what you were doing, too. You'd give him that stupid cocky smile and he'd turn red. He requested a transfer shortly after we went public with our relationship."</p><p>"I always wondered what ever happened to him..."</p><p>"Do you even remember his name?"</p><p>"Uh... George?"</p><p>"It was Damien."</p><p>"That's what I said."</p><p>"Gods, Mika. You're a piece of work, you know that?" Kurda scoffed.</p><p>"I vaguely remember you telling me that several times... a week." Mika retorted sardonically.</p><p>
  <em>/ Always turned me on when you said it like that, too. /</em>
</p><p>"No one else was going to say it." Said Kurda matter-of-factly. "I just thought you should- wow, yes. Please help yourself to the last of my cookies. No really, take the whole box to bed with you. I don't mind."</p><p>"Your mouth is saying you don't mind, but your face is saying you mind a lot." Mika commended offhandedly through a mournful of cookie as he headed back in the direction of the bedroom with the box of chocolate chip cookies in his hand.</p><p>"Don't get crumbs in my bed, okay?"</p><p>"You ruined my life. I'll get crumbs wherever I want."</p><p>Kurda couldn't entirely suppress a dark chuckle at that. They got back in the bed again, each on on the far edge, leaving as much space between them as they could. It made it marginally less awkward that they each had their own separate blanket. Times really do change.</p><p>Kurda turned on the small tv in the corner and they watched the news for an hour or so. Mika munched his way through the entire bag of cookies and when he was finished he looked Kurda dead in the eye and turned the bag upside down to dump the remaining crumbs on to the clean bedsheet between them.</p><p>
  <em>/ Take that. /</em>
</p><p>For a split second it looked like Kurda was about to burst out laughing. But he wordlessly got up and returned with a vacuum cleaner.</p><p>
  <em>/ Have I always been such a petty bitch? /</em>
</p><p>Mika silently watched him clear every last crumb from the sheet before lying back down. Kurda turned off the light, then the television and slipped under the blankets.</p><p>"Goodnight." He told Mika gently.</p><p>
  <em>/ "Good" night? I don't know what night you were attending but it sure as fuck wasn't this one. /</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>All the glamour and the trauma</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>And the fucking melodrama,</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>All the gunfights and the limelights</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>And the holy sick divine nights</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>THREE HOURS LATER:</strong>
</p><p>For three hours Mika was trapped in a vicious and unproductive cycle. Feel exhausted, try to sleep, can't sleep because Kurda is RIGHT fucking there and we don't know how we feel about that, feel frustrated that we're in this mess but mostly just because we can't fucking sleep, feel even more exhausted, repeat cycle.</p><p>Then he heard Kurda's voice chime from a few feet away, as soft as the duvet Mika was wrapped in:</p><p>"You asleep?"</p><p>
  <em>/ What are you, the sleep police? /</em>
</p><p>"What do you think?" Mika snapped.</p><p>"Do you need anything?" Kurda ventured.</p><p>
  <em>/ World peace, a bottle of whiskey, the Vampaneze Lord's head on a stake on my front lawn, a six month vacation, a Starbucks kiosk in Vampire Mountain, and my sanity back. /</em>
</p><p>"Tranquilizer dart."</p><p>"Fresh out of those, sorry." Said Kurda apologetically.</p><p>"Can't you just run to the store and get me one? Otherwise what's the point of living in town?"</p><p>"Gods, I forgot his funny you were." Kurda scoffed.</p><p>
  <em>/ As if. /</em>
</p><p>"No you didn't."</p><p>"No, I didn't..." Kurda sighed. Mika could feel Kurda's eyes on his body but he didn't roll over to meet his gaze. He resolutely continued to stare deadpan at the blank wooden wall.</p><p>"Seriously, do you need a warmer blanket or something?" Kurda tried again.</p><p>
  <em>/ Yes, Kurda. That would solve all my problems. This is all because of the blanket. /</em>
</p><p>"I don't have a problem with the damn blanket. Did you really think I could just lie down next to you after six years of whatever the fuck that was, and fall asleep like it's nothing?"</p><p>And without even a shred of warning, Mika felt Kurda's hand, smaller and warmer than his own, on his back. Lightly caressing the area between his shoulder blades as if it was ten years ago when the man wasn't a gods-damned war criminal. Mika jerked sharply, feeling adrenaline surge though his body.</p><p>
  <em>/ Aaaand this is why I didn't want to come here. /</em>
</p><p>"I said don't fucking touch me, Kurda." Mika snapped.</p><p>"Old habits. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking." said Kurda quietly.</p><p>"Well, think." Mika shot back. He was going for contempt, but when his own voice reached his ears he realized he sounded more hurt than anything else.</p><p>"Okay." Kurda breathed as Mika rolled over on his back to stare mutely at the ceiling. "I'm thinking about all the times years ago when you'd lay awake the night before an important meeting, or a big negotiation... how I'd rub your back until I felt all that stress melt away and you'd fall asleep in my arms. And I knew there was nowhere else I'd rather be than there with you. That's what I'm thinking about."</p><p>
  <em>/ That's awfully specific. /</em>
</p><p>"Think about something else." He said at last.</p><p>"You don't think I tried that?" Kurda replied gently. "You don't think I try my damnedest not to think about all those memories from the good years? Or the million tiny, random, stupid little things that made me fall in love with you over and over again? My life doesn't look like yours, Mika. Not that it ever did, but even less so these days. I don't have distractions like you do. I don't have a purpose. I have nothing but those memories."</p><p>
  <em>/ And YOU don't think that's all I can think about every night as I'm trying to fall asleep, no matter how many distractions I have? It's always you. It's always going to be you. And THAT is my entire problem. /</em>
</p><p>"You had everything. You fucking had everything." Said Mika. The words hurt on their way out, like he was vomiting up gravel. "And you lit it up and watched it burn."</p><p>"I had no choice. There was no way around it. I'm running out of words to explain that t you." Kurda sighed wearily.</p><p>
  <em>/ Oh, would you just shut the fuck up about choices? I'm so tired of this. /</em>
</p><p>"Can't you stop trying to justify it to me, even now? Can't you just let me resent the fact that it happened at all?" Mika growled.</p><p>"You have every right to resent it. You should hate me." Kurda murmured.</p><p>
  <em>/ Gods, my life would be so much easier if I hated you. /</em>
</p><p>"Yeah, I should. But we figured out a long time ago that I can't." Mika muttered bitterly.</p><p>"Then that's the only thing you've ever failed at." Said Kurda stiffly.</p><p>
  <em>/ That and parallel parking. /</em>
</p><p>"I know you were backed into a corner, or you felt like you were. Same difference. I get it. I hate that you did it, and I want to say I would've done it differently in your shoes but for all we know I would've done the same thing." Mika admitted.</p><p>
  <em>/ As long as we're being honest. /</em>
</p><p>And Kurda just stared at him through those eyes. Those heartbreaking, haunting blue eyes. Mika felt his walls start to crumble. Because even now Kurda could still disarm his ironclad defences with a single look.</p><p>Everyone who knew Mika, knew him on his terms. They saw what he wanted them to see: a confident, cool-headed, fearless leader. A hardened warrior who took no shit from anyone. An analytical mastermind who second-guessed nothing. And he was all of that, to be sure. He didn't have to force any of it. It was authentic.</p><p>But nothing in life comes for free, not even for the great and powerful Mika Ver Leth. Even from an early age Mika held himself to impossibly high standards and put himself under so much pressure it bordered on cruel. It worked in his favour though, he climbed the ranks faster than he probably should have. But the crushing weight of responsibility took a heavy toll, and Mika paid dearly with his mental well-being.</p><p>Mika had never been an emotional hothead like Arrow. He was a stone-cold strategist with a long fuse, almost all the time. But when he did unravel it was fast and hard. He didn't know when or how Kurda got so good at diffusing these rare moments of panic, but all it ever seemed to take was a few soft words or a soothing touch to cut through even the darkest moments of fear and doubt. To bring Mika back to a place where he could function again and do whatever he needed to do. It became Kurda's secret superpower. Until Destiny-With-A-Capital-D came around and turned their very universe inside out.</p><p>"I'm sure you would've found a better way, Mika." Kurda whispered at last, his voice cracking. "I'm sure you would've walked right up to Desmond Tiny's doorstep and told him to shove his doomsday prophecies back up his asshole where they came from. And you know what? He probably would've listened to you! Because you're Mika Fucking Ver Leth - "</p><p>
  <em>/ Sometimes I forget that's not actually my middle name. /</em>
</p><p>"- and you're better than this. Better than this futile war. Better than the senseless violence. Better than the lies, better than the knife I put in your back. And you're so much better than lying in this bed with me right now. Gods, I just... I don't... fuck, Mika! You shouldn't be here! I shouldn't even be here! I wish you'd all just executed me when you had the chance!" Kurda finished, his voice breaking into a jagged, angry sob. He sounded just as weary as Mika felt.</p><p>And for the first time that night, something clicked in Mika's brain. The recognition and the acceptance that Kurda was suffering just as much as he was. And no matter how much Mika resented what he did, there was nothing to be gained from it. There never had been, and there never would be. All it added up to was more pain.</p><p>And they were both already in so much fucking pain.</p><p>"Yeah, well... I wish your plan had worked." Mika croaked out after an eternity of silence. That was his final coherent thought before his brain shut down.</p><p>Then before he could think about what he was doing, suddenly he was on the other side of the bed. He didn't know how he'd gotten there. He didn't remember rolling over, but in a split second Kurda's flawless, slender body was underneath him and instinct took over as Mika felt Kurda's lips against his. And gods damn, they tasted just as good as they had the first time.</p><p>Mika's mind was blank, lacking so much as a semblance of thought. Had he retained even a trace of reason he sure as hell wouldn't have started this fire. Or had Kurda started it? It was anybody's guess. He did know one thing, and it was that Kurda's hips were grinding against his just as hungrily, while his hands were tearing at Mika's shirt. Mika arched his body to make it that much easier for the shirt to slip off, before quickly getting to work removing Kurda's clothes.</p><p>Once that mission was accomplished, Mika ran his hands down Kurda's body, feeling electrified as the blond moaned softly and melted beneath his fingertips. Even after all these years Mika felt a twinge of satisfaction that he could still practically draw a map (the only map he'd ever know how to draw) to every little spot that made Kurda dissolve into a shaking mess that could do nothing but moan Mika's name as if it was the only word he knew. Coming from Kurda's lips, in THAT precise manner... it was the most powerful high he'd ever experienced. Then and now.</p><p>"We shouldn't..." he heard Kurda gasp, his voice breathless and soft.</p><p>
  <em>/ That's the smartest thing either of us have said all day. /</em>
</p><p>"Tell me to stop and I will. Just say the word." Mika whispered as he left a trail of kisses down the side of Kurda's neck and collarbones. And he meant what he said. Part of him wanted Kurda to stop him - he knew he was going to regret this. Mika paused for a second and he pressed his forehead into Kurda's shoulder, breathing heavily. Time stood still as he waited for Kurda to pull away, to do the right thing. The smart thing. Mika may have been smarter than the average vampire, but he wasn't Kurda-smart. Nobody was Kurda-smart.</p><p>But all he felt was Kurda's hot breath on his face as he kissed him more fiercely than ever before, and his reckless hands finding their home on Mika's hips to pull him closer, until it became clear there was absolutely no stopping this. From the second Mika walked through the door, it had been game over.</p><p>Mika always had a physical advantage over Kurda. He was taller, heavier, and stronger. So when it came to intimacy he tended to let Kurda set the pace where forcefulness was concerned, for fear of accidentally hurting him. But that didn't last long; during the years they were together he'd been pleasantly surprised as Kurda revealed himself to be anything but soft and timid in the coffin.</p><p>But with that said, this like was nothing Mika had ever experienced before. This was pure chaos, unrestrained desperation. A level of derailed passion he didn't know either of them were capable of until this moment, and that was saying something. This felt like a tornado colliding with a wildfire and destroying everything in its path. 'Sex' wasn't a strong enough word. 'Lovemaking' was far too dignified. 'Fucking' didn't do it justice.</p><p>Kurda had always been, would always be inevitable.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>They'll talk about us, all the lovers</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>How we kissed and killed each other, uh-oh</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>They'll talk about us, and discover</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>How we kissed and killed each other</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Then it was over.. For a split second the very earth seemed to shake, and then the senseless, lust-driven act of relapse had run its course. The incomparable high lasted another moment after that, and then just as quickly as it set in... it disappeared. Kurda exhaled one last shuddering sigh and went limp. Mika took a long, deep breath and slowly disentangled himself from Kurda's body. At last, he rolled away so he could lay down and catch his breath.</p><p>Then there came the withdrawal, just as inevitable as the relapse itself. The crash was fast and brutal as if he'd fallen out of a tenth storey window onto concrete.</p><p>
  <em>/ Well, well well. If it isn't the consequences of my actions./</em>
</p><p>The paralyzing rush of anxiety came next.</p><p>
  <em>/ Fuck. Not again. /</em>
</p><p>"Hey." Came Kurda's voice, rising above the swirling fog of chaos. "What's wrong?"</p><p>For the second time that night, Mika felt Kurda's hand on his back. This time he didn't react; it would've been pretty redundant considering what had just happened.</p><p>"Talk to me, Mika." Kurda urged. "Are you okay?"</p><p>"We shouldn't have done that... fuck... why did I fucking do that?!" Mika forced out through gritted teeth. He heard Kurda exhale. When Mika said Kurda knew everything about him, he really meant everything. And "everything" included knowing how to diffuse these godforsaken panic attacks like a one-man bomb disposal unit.</p><p>"Was it that bad? I know I'm out of practice but I thought I did fine." Kurda replied softly.</p><p>
  <em>/ 'Fine' isn't a strong enough word for how you felt to me, I know that much. /</em>
</p><p>"That's not what I mean!" Mika groaned, finally rolling back over even though he wasn't entirely sure he was ready to face Kurda.</p><p>"I know it's not." Said Kurda steadily. "And you're right, we shouldn't have done it. But we did it. It's over now. And it won't happen again. So don't spiral, okay?"</p><p>
  <em>/ Wow. I'm cured. Thank you. Can't believe it never occurred to me to just NOT spiral. /</em>
</p><p>"I'll spiral if I fucking want to, Kurda!" He choked out as Kurda rolled his eyes.</p><p>"Gods, you're impossible." Kurda murmured. "Come here."</p><p>Kurda extended his arms and Mika no longer had the resolve to resist the only thing he wanted in that moment. The only thing he knew he had no business having.</p><p>Mika let Kurda fold his arms around his weary body. Let the ex-General slowly pull him in until his pounding head came to rest on Kurda's warm, lightly-muscled chest. He lay still and focused on Kurda's hand running in slow circles around his back. Felt the panic slowly ebb away as though it had changed his mind about pulling him under and drowning him. As if Kurda's very presence sent his demons packing.</p><p>"I was only supposed to drop off the letter and leave... none of this was supposed to happen... fuck... can't believe... so fucking stupid." Mika whispered</p><p>"Don't go down that road." Kurda whispered. "Just forget it ever happened."</p><p>
  <em>/ You're good at a lot of things, Kurda, but you'd be a fucking awful psychotherapist. /</em>
</p><p>"I don't want to forget." Mika croaked. "I should, but I don't. This is the fucking problem! I got over you once already. It took me years, but I did it. And now... back at square one. I'm so fucking stupid..."</p><p>Mika's brain was shutting down again. There were no more coherent words to be said. No more intelligent thoughts to be had. He was done.</p><p>"You're the farthest thing from that. Just rest now. You're going to be fine. I promise you." He heard Kurda's voice murmur above his ear and felt the words vibrate through his chest as he spoke them.</p><p>
  <em>/ What a stupid thing to tell someone. Almost as stupid as the fact that I believe you. /</em>
</p><p>At last, Mika finally let his eyelids drift shut as he tuned out everything except the sensation of his skin against Kurda's, and the sound of his steady heartbeat until even that faded into silence as sleep finally granted him a reprieve.</p><p>Mika didn't know how many hours he slept, but when he woke up it was dark outside and the snow had stopped. At some point during his slumber he'd rolled himself out of Kurda's arms and back to his own side of the bed. So when Mika silently got up and walked out of the room, Kurda didn't stir.</p><p>Adrenaline punched through Mika's veins as he gathered up his clothes and an emergency snack. In less than three minutes he was ready to leave, and not a moment too soon. He couldn't spend a second longer under this roof; he'd already done enough damage to his hard-earned mental stability in the short amount of time he'd been here.</p><p>He paused only long enough to rip a piece of paper off the notepad on the kitchen table, and scrawled a quick note for Kurda before he painstakingly opened the kitchen door. Mercifully, everything was well-oiled and it didn't make a sound.</p><p>He slipped back outside into the silent, frozen expanse and took off without a backwards glance. A few scribbled words were the only evidence he'd been there at all:</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>K -</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Had to leave. That was way too much.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Found an unopened box of cookies. Took it with me for the road. Hope that's ok. If not... I don't care and I'm not sorry.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Thanks for taking care of me, I guess.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Stay well. See you when I see you.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>- M.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Lesser-known but entirely true fact: Mika's middle name is ACTUALLY "glamour, trauma, fucking melodrama". Lorde wrote the song about him. Just trust me on this. </p><p>And that's a wrap on much-anticipated Sad Boy Reunion! It won't be the last time but they will be apart again for a while. But the good news is the action is about to start ramping up! Of course Mika will be back at Vamp Mtn before too long and we'll follow through with a couple of canonical events before I ultimately detour from the source material. </p><p> Please leave some feedback if this made you feel anything at all. I'm equally grateful whether you do it via this website or through tumblr or discord. But I will admit I like going back and re-read comments when I need motivation, so in a perfect world I'd love it if you did so via the comment box below in order to keep them all accessible on the review page. Otherwise they eventually get lost in the interwebs (and ultimately in the camera roll on my phone bc you better believe I screenshot them to save for a rainy day). But with that said, you could send me feedback in a crumpled post-it note via carrier pigeon and I'd love it just the same so I'm really not that picky. I'm just happy you're here. </p><p>I'll probably update again next week! Have a safe and happy Halloween, you guys!! And as always, thank you from the very bottom of my heart.</p><p>- Roxy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Deer In Headlights</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Living lost just like deer in headlights, Terrified, blind, and wait to die<br/>I wonder when they'll come get me, I wonder when they'll come get me</p><p>***</p><p>Four days after leaving Kurda's bed in the middle of the night, Mika finds himself in the middle of another absolute disaster. I'm sorry, when the fuck did the other side start using guns? Is it time to go back to Vampire Mountain yet?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ahhh guys I'm back! Sorry for the wait. Between work and wedding planning and surviving the US presidential election (and I live in CANADA), this chapter took a hot minute. Also those are literally all excuses because the truth is this was another chapter that fought me the whole way and I kept procrastinating and writing future segments that I enjoyed more than this one. Let's just say I'm glad it's behind me now.</p><p>HUGE thank you to Nomiliy for being my beta reader! I hadn't used a beta in literally 10 years and it left a bitter taste in my mouth because literally their only feedback was that I swore too much... ha ha ha.</p><p>So Nomiliy, thank you for giving me a very positive beta experience! You rock! (Also if Starren is your thing, check out her story Idiot Savant on AO3. It's awesome.)</p><p>Chapter 10: Deer In Headlights</p><p>Song: Hands In The Sky (Big Shot) by Straylight Run</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>Tearing out all these open pages</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Women and kids of all ages</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Millions of men with blank faces</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Italicised lies, headlines, bold type</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Mika wasn't proud of how he'd left Kurda's house without saying goodbye, but the short amount of time he'd spend there had done a number on the fragments of mental health he'd worked so hard at piecing back together in the six years that spanned between the exile and the reunion.</p><p>The tidal wave of emotion that broke over him upon the conclusion of their sexual escapade had been sobering, to say the least. The contrast of how he felt during the act - the mindless, all-consuming lust. Then the abrupt withdrawal from that high that left him terrified, confused, loathing himself for slipping, for letting himself go back down the road he spent years healing from.</p><p>He thought he'd had what he unpoetically referred to as "hate-sex" with Kurda long ago, shortly after Mika impulsively killed a vampaneze he had no business killing and almost broke the clan treaties. Kurda returned to the mountain knowing exactly what happened, and proceeded to launch a spear at Mika's head. Words were had, and blows were exchanged. Long story short, they ended up on the floor and all over each other. It was a far cry from the gentle, adoring lovemaking they favoured in their happier years but neither of them could deny it was satisfying.</p><p>But then there was the most recent encounter. The intensity was unparalleled. It was a physical manifestation of every single feeling they'd ever had for each other - the good, the bad, the great, and the devastating. Mika left with more souvenirs than just the novelty hoodie and the box of cookies; he had a fresh set of bruises and he knew Kurda did too.</p><p>But the part that bothered him the most was that he couldn't entirely convince himself it hadn't been worth it.</p><p>Regardless, the time to dwell on Kurda had come and gone. He had to step back up and be the leader his team needed. Luckily, he had some practice with that. He caught up with the group three days after leaving Kurda's cottage. Like Mika, the other five were all eager to get back to the mountain and recount their war stories. But like Mika, they were equally eager to take a small detour to a village where the vampaneze were using as a stronghold.</p><p>The night before they were scheduled to arrive at their target, they made camp in the remains of an abandoned barn. As the group went to sleep, Mika stayed up for an extra hour to run through his game plan with Jakob, his second-in-command. The two of them sat in what used to be a hay mow and carefully finalized the details of the impending strike and outlined a few potential what-if scenarios.</p><p>Jakob Wiles had grown into a strong, intelligent, clear-headed vampire in his five years under Mika's guidance and Mika had to admit he was impressed. He never wanted a protege after Arra, but he ended up with one anyway. Mika was very hopeful he'd start training for Generalship after the mission was complete.</p><p>"So how'd it go while I was gone? Did everyone behave for you?" Mika asked breezily once they'd finished discussing their attack strategy.</p><p>"Yeah, mostly. Gareth is always a little difficult when you're away but he's all talk. I'm used to it." Jakob recounted with a terse smile.</p><p>"Ah. Well, Gareth is a petulant moron so don't let him bother you." Said Mika seriously. "His mentor has been a thorn in my side for decades. Gareth's still butthurt because he's the only General on the team and I still passed him over when I chose you for my second-in-command."</p><p>"Butthurt is putting it lightly." Jakob snorted. "Why'd you let him on your team in the first place?"</p><p>"Because Coulson broke his leg in a training accident two days before we left the mountain, and Paris said I had to take a General. Naturally, Gareth was the only one left." Mika explained bluntly while Jakob chuckled.</p><p>"And how was your trip?" Jakob asked unassumingly once he'd put his serious face back on.</p><p>Mika stiffened.</p><p>"Good. Uneventful."</p><p>"You visited him, didn't you? Kurda Smahlt?" Said Jakob, rather boldly in Mika's opinion. His tone was casual but there was a burning curiosity in the young man's hazel eyes. Mika narrowed his own eyes and shot Jakob a shrewd look.</p><p>"What leads you to that assumption?"</p><p>"Well, you recently had your yearly visit with Gracie, so I'm guessing you weren't with her. I know you weren't running recon on the vampaneze, because you always tell us in advance so we can find you in case something goes wrong..." Jakob explained carefully. Judging by the apprehension in his face it was clear he realized he'd overstepped. But he'd gotten close enough with Mika in the past six years that he didn't exactly look afraid either.</p><p>"Good observation, but there's a flaw in your logic. You only listed two potential things I could've been off doing, when in reality there are unlimited different possibilities." Mika answered evenly, arching an eyebrow.</p><p>Jakob smiled ruefully.</p><p>"Well, you were tense before you left. Like, more than usual. Now that you're back you're considerably more relaxed... but you're also quieter. And when you run a successful solo mission you usually like to inform the whole world." The younger man continued determinedly.</p><p>Mika rolled his eyes.</p><p>"That doesn't mean -"</p><p>"Also, you have a little bruise on your neck." Jakob concluded with an air of resigned finality, vaguely gesturing.</p><p>"Agh, fuck me..." Mika grunted as he realized he was busted. How embarrassing.</p><p>"Looks like your ex already did that." Jakob quipped.</p><p>Mika did a double-take, eyes narrowed.</p><p>"I will punt you into the fucking sun, Wiles." He retorted through gritted teeth.</p><p>"Fine. Good luck having Gareth as your second-in-command." Said Jakob with a mischievous grin.</p><p>Mika had to laugh. How could he not? Six years ago Jakob had been soft-spoken, insecure, and indecisive to the point of being annoying. He was practically afraid to look Mika in the eye, never mind partake in such an informal conversation.</p><p>Vampire civilians kind of put their Princes on a pedestal. And not that Mika minds. We all know how much he enjoys the view from the top, and all the perks that come with it. Who wouldn't?</p><p>But the top is lonely when you're the only one up there. The long years apart from his fellow Princes as well as higher-ranking vampires, like Seba or Vanez, had him missing being in the presence of people who weren't afraid to talk to him normally. So when Jakob finally started coming out of his shell and talking to Mika like something of a friend, Mika began to enjoy his life considerably more. Sure, Jakob was no Arrow. Nobody was Arrow. But that offhanded comment about the bruise was as close as it gets.</p><p>Mika exhaled and ran his hand lazily through his hair.</p><p>"When did you get so observant?" He asked.</p><p>"Since you taught me to be on the lookout for that kind of thing." Said Jakob.</p><p>"Ah. So it's my fault." Mika remarked.</p><p>"Your words, not mine." Jakob chuckled lightly.</p><p>They sat in contemplative silence for several moments. One of the things Jakob learned from Mika was that not every silence needed to be filled with words. Eventually Mika heard Jakob draw breath to say something and swiftly cut him off.</p><p>"Don't think for a minute I'm going to be spilling the highly personal details of my private life to you just because I slipped one time, and you happen to have functioning eyeballs." Said Mika curtly.</p><p>"I apologize, Sire." Said Jakob. He glanced sideways at Mika, until Mika slowly turned to meet his eyes. It had been a while since he'd addressed Mika so formally. They'd been on a first-name basis for several years.</p><p>"Tell anyone about it, and I'll eliminate any promotions that may or may not have been in your future." Said Mika. His tone was offhanded but he knew Jakob knew he wasn't bluffing.</p><p>"I wouldn't dream of it." Said Jakob. "I'm sorry I brought it up. I should've kept it to myself."</p><p>"It's alright. I don't like the idea of someone knowing my secrets without me knowing they know." Said Mika, managing a tense smile which Jakob returned.</p><p>"Still. Let's make it even." Said Jakob pointedly after a moment's pause. "Want to know my secret?"</p><p>"You and Arlo have a thing." Mika replied with a dismissive flick of his hand. "Old news. My eyes work too."</p><p>He expected Jakob to blush but the younger man just rolled his eyes.</p><p>"I knew you knew. That's not what I was getting at." Said Jakob rather impatiently. Mika arched an eyebrow.</p><p>"Well then, what?"</p><p>Jakob took a deep breath.</p><p>"I'm going to ask Arlo to be my mate. I made up my mind a few weeks ago when we were fighting that nasty, stubborn old vampaneze together ... and he was with me every step of the way. He's always had my back. And I love him."</p><p>Mika smiled with a lot more enthusiasm than he cared to admit.</p><p>"Congratulations. I wish you the very best." He told his young friend, patting him on the shoulder.</p><p>"Thank you. That means a lot coming from you." Jakob replied earnestly.</p><p>"I mean it." Said Mika. "So, when are you going to ask?"</p><p>"Hmmm. I'll wait til we get settled in back to the mountain, I think." Said Jakob. Mika didn't miss the note of indecision creeping into his tone.</p><p>"Why wait that long?" Mika asked bluntly. "Not that it's any of my business, but that'll be months from now at the very least."</p><p>"Wouldn't you rather I finish the mission before worrying about my personal life?" Said Jakob, regarding Mika with an almost childlike bewilderment.</p><p>"I have no reason to doubt your ability to carry out your duties in the field and be in a relationship at the same time, Jakob. Those two things don't need to overlap if you don't let them. And I won't have a problem with it, if that's what you're worried about."</p><p>Jakob managed a terse smile, but then it faltered.</p><p>"But what if the others do?" He asked. His tone was causal but his eyes betrayed genuine concern.</p><p>"Who cares?"</p><p>"Me, for starters."</p><p>"Jakob, I raised an entire human baby in Vampire Mountain and then had two chaotic relationships all in the span of 12 years. Nobody ever questioned me about any of it. You'll be fine." Mika countered lightly.</p><p>"You're a Prince! Of course no one questioned you!" Jakob exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air.</p><p>Mika shrugged thoughtfully.</p><p>"That helped, but the real reason no one ever questioned me was because I never gave them a reason to question me. I set that groundwork long before I took the throne. That established trust is what leads to one becoming a Prince. It's not something that automatically happens once your promotion takes effect. Make sense?"</p><p>Jakob tilted his head and surveyed Mika with a sudden air of enlightenment.</p><p>"I... yeah. It does." He said at last, starting to smile again.</p><p>"Good." Said Mika contentedly.</p><p>"So, tomorrow is our last strike before we start for home, right?" Said Jakob.</p><p>"That's the plan." Mika affirmed.</p><p>"Then I'll ask Arlo the day after tomorrow." Jakob replied with a decisive grin. He was positively glowing.</p><p>And that was enough secondhand happiness to make Mika feel lighter than he had in years.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Living lost just like deer in headlights</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Terrified, blind, and wait to die</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>I wonder when they'll come get me</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>I wonder when they'll come get me:</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>THE NEXT DAY:</strong>
</p><p>Nothing could've prepared Mika for the fact that all of a sudden, the other side had fucking guns.</p><p>Mika did everything right. He walked through the plan in his mind a hundred times. He went over it with the strike team a dozen times. Five years together in the field had turned them into a seamless unit; Mika, Jakob, Arlo, Gareth, Marius, and Osric. They trusted each other. They listened. They understood. So that when the time came, they too did everything right.</p><p>They slowly surrounded the run-down old house they'd tracked their targets to. They'd be slightly outnumbered but they'd have the element of surprise on their side. The goal was to live-capture a few and kill the rest. Maybe at least one of them would be willing to spill some secrets if the vampires were... persuasive enough.</p><p>Their stealth tracking had been flawless. Nobody put a single foot wrong. They surveilled the hideout for two nights, watching and listening. And then they went in.</p><p>For a split second, everything went exactly according to plan. Mika tackled the toughest looking vampaneze to the floor, with the intention of taking him alive. Meanwhile the others engaged in combat with the rest of the vampaneze. The vampires had the element of surprise; and the time to approach with caution and attempt a civil discussion was long over. Six years into the war, it was kill or be killed. Take prisoner or be taken prisoner. Mika's assault incapacitated his target vampaneze enough so that Mika could wrestle the man's arms behind his back, rendering him powerless to escape.</p><p>And then the shooting started.</p><p>Mika didn't understand where the sound was coming from at first, or why it sounded like the universe was coming to an explosive end. All he knew was for a good three seconds he thought he was dead. Or dying, at the very least. The sudden thunderous crack reverberated through his bones. Rattled his brain. The sheer volume stunned him so completely he could do nothing but stand frozen to the spot like a deer in headlights. As if the air had been sucked from his lungs. Paralyzed by fear.</p><p>And then there came a white-hot, explosive pain in his arm, another in his shoulder, and another, and another.</p><p>Mika crumpled to the floor, every nerve in his body fire. But that proved to be a near-fatal error because the vampaneze in his grasp slipped free and scrambled away. The heavyset purple man seized Mika by the throat and lift-dragged him to his feet and pinned him roughly up against the wall.</p><p>"Six years of war isn't enough for you filth-ridden parasites to learn your lesson about minding your own business?" The vampaneze bellowed. Mika felt drops of spit land on his face and for a moment the sheer outrage was enough to block out the searing pain of the fresh bullet wounds.</p><p>"Does your... Lord... know you're using... long range weapons?" Mika snarled back viciously. The crushing pressure of the purple fist against his throat made it difficult, but he put as much disgust as he could into the word "Lord".</p><p>The vampaneze sneered back at him, then threw his head back and laughed nastily. Mika took advantage of the other man's distraction, and sent him reeling with a decisive kick to the groin. It was a cheap shot, but Mika didn't care. If the other side wasn't above using guns, he sure as hell wasn't above playing dirty if his life was on the line.</p><p>The vampaneze released his stranglehold on Mika's neck and staggered back, howling in pain, but recovered swiftly and retaliated with a closed-fist blow to the side of Mika's head. Mika felt as though his brain had been jarred loose by the impact but instinct took over and his hand flew to his belt and withdrew his dagger. And a split second later the vampaneze crumbled to the floor with blood pouring from his throat.</p><p>Guess we're not taking that one alive.</p><p>Some of the vampaneze flitted the second their position was compromised. Others had been cornered by Mika's troops and were putting up a fierce fight. As Mika quickly looked around, he could see there was a shocking amount of very recently blooded vampanze here. So new in fact, their skin hadn't yet taken on the notorious purple tinge.</p><p>Instinct and adrenaline took over, and Mika's finely tuned battle reflexes did not let him down. He immediately located the sources of the gunfire; there was a man in the left corner, one standing on a table, and one seemed to be guarding the three vampaneze who stood behind him; their skin a darker hue of purple.</p><p>Osric, Gareth, and Jakob had all taken bullets - Mika could see widening bloodstains peppering their bodies. But they were still on their feet and giving the vampaneze the fight of their lives; it seemed the bullets hadn't struck any vital organs.</p><p>Another vampaneze, armed with a pair of double-bladed knives ducked in front of the gunman standing before him and came hurtling at Mika like a nuclear missle, bellowing out an incoherent battle cry. Mika raised his sword defensively and blocked the vampaneze's left arm, but he was an agile opponent and his right arm came snaking past the sword blade, his gleaming silver knife blade trained on Mika's exposed throat.</p><p>At such close range, the vampaneze's smaller blades had a hearty advantage over Mika's larger and less maneuverable sword. The vampaneze's aim was true, and it may have been a lucky enough strike to claim the life of a Vampire Prince, if Mika hadn't trained such a skilled set of teammates throughout his years in the field.</p><p>Marius was at his side in a split second with his dagger at the ready. With a deft uppercut he severed the vampaneze's hand clean off his arm. The dismembered appendage dropped to the floor with a mundane thump, and the clatter of the knife it had been holding.</p><p>"I owe you one." Mika muttered darkly to Marius.</p><p>The vampaneze howled in pain and fury, and swung madly at Marius with his remaining limb but Mika plunged his sword through the man's purple skin and into his heart, and he made no further sound.</p><p>"I'd call it even!" Marius remarked. Mika nodded appreciatively.</p><p>Then, gunshots again. Louder than ever. One of the gunmen was lurching towards them, his handheld weapon aloft and his finger squeezing compulsively at the trigger. But he'd been injured. Hhis arm was shaking and his aim was poor. Mika heard one, two bullets fly past his head but he advanced savagely on the gunman and watched in relish as the young man's eyes went wide in fear. He pulled the trigger again; trembling so thoroughly the bullet only grazed Mika's arm despite the fact that he was only several feet away. Pulled the trigger one more time and all he got was a sharp click.</p><p>Mika didn't know the first thing about guns, but he was pretty sure that was what empty sounded like.</p><p>"You should've counted those." Mika growled. This would be an ideal candidate for interrogation. He was so newly blooded, it didn't look like he'd even been blooded at all. Not to mention he didn't seem to have an ounce of fight in him now that his ammunition was spent.</p><p>The young man tried to flee, but Mika was much quicker and had him pinned to the wall within seconds; arms twisted behind his back.</p><p>"When and why did your long-range weapon laws change?" Mika snarled into his ear.</p><p>"I don't know!" The pale gunman whined feebly.</p><p>"I highly recommend you don't waste my fucking time." Mika advised him icily, tightening his grip. "Why are you using guns?"</p><p>"Go to hell... vampire scum..." the man hissed.</p><p>"You first." Mika growled. He tightened his grip harder still, twisted a little. Then there came the sickening snap of bone. A split second of stunned silence, and then the man started to scream in pain.</p><p>Mika was so alarmed he slackened his hold on his captive. He'd been rough, but he knew his strength. This was absolutely not his first rodeo. He hadn't exerted nearly enough force to snap a bone like that - be it vampire or vampaneze.</p><p>And then it dawned on him, and it was so damn obvious he didn't understand how he'd missed it.</p><p>This wasn't a freshly blooded vampaneze who hadn't turned purple yet. This man didn't have a drop of vampaneze blood in his body at all. He was just a human.</p><p>And nobody ever said humans can't use guns.</p><p>But he didn't have time to dwell on that chilling revelation for a second longer, because suddenly the very oxygen around him was shattered into a thousand pieces as he heard someone cry out in agony.</p><p>The world seemed to stand still as he turned around to locate the source of the blood-curdling sound. And when he did, he wished with every fibre of his body that he could turn back around and revert to existing in a universe before this.</p><p>Before he saw Arlo Bracken lying spread-eagled on the floor, his empty eyes staring up at a ceiling they could no longer see, and blood spilling from a bullet hole in his forehead.</p><p>And before he saw his loyal second-in-command, his friend, Jakob Wiles on his knees at Arlo's side, trembling arms clutching the lifeless body of his other half, then man he loved. Barely 24 hours before the moment he was going to propose.</p><p>Time stood still in Mika's world but the bullets didn't stop. It was clear Jakob had no intention of leaving Arlo's side voluntarily. Mika flew to Jakob's side and grabbed him roughly, ignoring a steady stream of bellowed protests. He half-carried half-dragged Jakob behind the kitchen island in an effort to shelter him from the gunfire while Osric, Marius, and Gareth fought to disarm the other side.</p><p>"Stay here. I'll come back for you." Mika ordered Jakob, but it was as if the grief-stricken man couldn't hear him. Mika sighed in frustration. He drew breath and prepared to tell Jakob something along the lines of, "I know it hurts but we're literally in a firefight so I really need you to keep it together for like ten more minutes." But the words died in his throat.</p><p>Mika had been on both sides of this.</p><p>He'd been the one watching helplessly as a friend fell to their knees, the one watching them scream in anguish, the one trying in vain to do something. Anything.</p><p>And he'd been the one falling, the one screaming, the one wishing he could just die so the pain would stop.</p><p>There were two things he knew to be true after living through both:</p><p>One: He didn't know which was harder to endure.</p><p>Two: There are no words that can put a dent in that kind of pain.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>We want to, have to, need to:</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>And we'll tell you when their hungry again</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>And we'll tell you when their hungry again</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>It never ends, never ends</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>We want to, have to, need to:</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>And we'll tell you when their hungry again</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>And we'll tell you when their hungry again</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>It never ends, never ends, never ends:</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>The brief but explosive battle ended with a vampiric victory although it didn't feel like it. Three vampaneze managed to flee, but the rest were dead on the floor. One of the humans had been killed in the struggle, and another had taken his own life before being captured. But the human Mika apprehended wasn't going anywhere.</p><p>They left the house behind and relocated deep within the forest. It was slow going. Everyone had sustained a bit of physical damage, whether from knives or bullets. Jakob insisted on carrying Arlo's body - but Jakob was weakened from the fight and didn't weigh much more than Arlo did.</p><p>"Jakob, I can help you... let me help you." Mika heard Marius murmur, almost desperately, as they trudged between the tall evergreen trees.</p><p>"I don't need your help!" Jakob croaked back emphatically. Marius did not respond.</p><p>Miles into the woods, they stumbled across what was left of a neglected old hunting cabin.</p><p>"We'll lie low here for a couple days. Everyone, get some rest." Mika ordered wearily as the group filed inside. Most of the group, anyway.</p><p>Jakob did not follow the others. He stopped on the porch and laid Arlo's body down, where he covered it in his jacket. Then he knelt beside his fallen love in silent vigil.</p><p>Mika suspected Jakob had neither endured a trauma nor taken a loss like this before. Mika was well familiar with pain but he'd never walked this exact path. Losing Kurda had been different; their relationship was all but over before the betrayal, and Kurda had walked away from it with his life. As much as it destroyed him, Mika knew his loss wasn't the same as Jakob's.</p><p>(Not to mention he'd been having borderline violent sex with his loss less than four days ago. Oops).</p><p>Mika paused in the doorway before entering the cabin. He ran through combination after combination of words in his mind, trying to find a few he could string together and share with Jakob in hopes of offering some modicum of comfort or wisdom. But he came up empty.</p><p>"Let me know if you need anything." Said Mika quietly. Jakob did not react and Mika was uncertain if he'd even heard him. "That's an order." He added.</p><p>Jakob's head twitched ever so slightly in a semblance of a nod, and Mika slipped inside to join the others. Gareth had the human captive in custody, and ushered him into the windowless cellar where he'd remain until his interrogation.</p><p>Mika was dreading that.</p><p>Although violence was an inherent piece of vampiric society, no halfway-decent vampire is truly sadistic. This was precisely why a human's blood must be tested before a vampire will agree to admit them into the clan; to weedout the type of individual who would abuse his or her supernatural abilities.</p><p>But they were at war. And when you're at war, you do what you must. It wouldn't be the first time Mika had conducted an interrogation and it probably wouldn't be the last. He'd get it over with as quickly as he could and move on. It would probably mean a few sleepless nights but that was par for the course these days. If the man could give him anything that would get them closer to putting and end to this, it would be worth it.</p><p>The human could wait, though. If they'd apprehended a full vampaneze Mika would have dealt with that right away but a human lacked the strength to find a way to escape the cellar. Not to mention his arm was broken. He wasn't going anywhere.</p><p>All Mika wanted in the entire world was to retreat to a small, dark room where he could break down in peace. But this wasn't the time to hide. He had to be the glue to put them back together. So he turned his full attention back to the team. They'd been through a lot together, but nothing like this. Osric and Gareth both had bullet wounds that required attention. Jakob did too, but they weren't serious enough to warrant an interruption to his vigil right now. As the last of his adrenaline fizzled away, occurred to Mika that he still had several bullets lodged in his upper arm and the side of his chest. The pain was distracting, to say the least, but he gritted his teeth and did his best to ignore it.</p><p>Once he'd double-checked to confirm the captive was secure, he explored every last corner of the cabin until he struck gold - a small first-aid kit in the bathroom cabinet - then he rejoined the team who'd made themselves comfortable in the dilapidated living room. Everything was old and shabby and there was a distinct odour of mildew but it was a roof over their heads and after the night they'd had, some proper shelter was appreciated.</p><p>"Are you hurt?" Mika inquired, addressing Marius. He was the only one who didn't appear to have been shot.</p><p>"Scraped and bruised but nothing serious, Sire."</p><p>"Good. Can you -"</p><p>"- Go hunt something for us to eat before the sun comes up?" Marius responded promptly before Mika could finish his sentence. He nodded to the younger vampire and smiled wearily.</p><p>"Exactly."</p><p>Marius nodded proudly and slipped quickly out the door into the night. Mika turned his gaze over to Osric and Gareth. Osric was sitting at the small dinner table with his head in his hands and Gareth was lying on the couch, eyes closed and breathing heavily. A vampire can take a significantly higher amount of punishment than a human can, but no one is completely invincible.</p><p>"Alright, which of you is more fucked up?" Mika asked resignedly. He was no medic but you don't spend well over two centuries as a warrior without learning a few things about patching up a damaged body.</p><p>"Him." Osric grunted without looking up, gesturing towards Gareth.</p><p>"Pretty sure Bracken wins this one." Gareth countered.</p><p>"For once in your life, Tarl... shut up." Mika growled warningly. "I don't have to be gentle when I take your bullets out."</p><p>"My apologies, Sire. I meant no ill will." Said Gareth. "Arlo was a good man... even in death may he be triumphant. I'll miss him."</p><p>As obnoxious as his voice was, he sounded sincere so Mika didn't push it. In hindsight, he supposed it was rather hypocritical of himself to come down on someone for using dark humour as a coping mechanism in a bad situation.</p><p>"Are you hurt, Sire?" Osric asked, looking Mika up and down.</p><p>"I'm fine for now." He replied calmly, ignoring the throbbing in his arm. The nice thing about a strictly black wardrobe is that it's not overtly obvious when you're bleeding. He'd take care of his own injuries later.</p><p>"I thought I saw you get shot." Osric countered with a hint of suspicion.</p><p>"Oh, I was definitely shot." Mika clarified impatiently. "Just my arm. I have two. Don't worry about me."</p><p>He could've sworn he saw Osric roll his eyes and he felt a small surge of fondness - that was how Arrow would have reacted if he was here.</p><p>"Okay, Tarl. Let's see the bullet holes. I'll try to make it quick." Said Mika briskly. He knelt on the floor beside the couch Gareth was laying on. Gareth reluctantly sat up and pulled off his shirt so Mika could have a clear view of his damaged side, and also of the rather tacky tattoo which Mika had not been aware of. He tried not to look at it as he went to work searching for a bullet below Gareth's rib cage but it felt like the thing was staring at him.</p><p>"Nice snail." Mika remarked.</p><p>"It's a mermaid..." Gareth mumbled.</p><p>"Charna's Guts. Are you sure?"</p><p>"I'm sure I told the guy I wanted a mermaid."</p><p>"Yikes. No offence." Said Mika drily. "Okay, I found the first bullet."</p><p>"Ow! Fuck! Yeah, I gathered that."</p><p>"It's gonna hurt. Not much I can do about that." Mika informed him with trace amounts of sympathy.</p><p>"Bite the cushion so you don't chomp your own tongue off, Gareth." Osric advised, making his way over. "I was shot several times while I was still a human. It'll be over quick but it won't be pleasant."</p><p>Once Gareth had a mouthful of couch cushion, he let out a grunt of affirmation and Mika deftly pulled out the tweezers that he'd clamped around the bullet. Gareth bellowed into the pillow and a steam of blood issued from the hole but Osric quickly pressed a cloth over it. Mika held up the bullet and examined it for a few minutes.</p><p>He vividly recalled the mission decades ago when he had to pull a bullet just like this out of Kurda's chest. Back when Kurda was just a slight nuisance, more of a casual workplace nemesis than anything else. It was astonishing how something so small could cause so much damage and pain. And he could say the same for the bullet.</p><p>"How many more you got in there, Tarl?"</p><p>"Don't worry 'bout it. They can stay where they are. Surely that can't be any worse than taking them out." Gareth replied, his face still pressed into the couch cushion.</p><p>"Don't be a little bitch." Said Mika firmly, but not unkindly. "Think how embarrassing it'd be if you went and died of an infected bullet hole."</p><p>Osric failed to stifle a loud chuckle. Gareth sighed resignedly, sat up and rotated to provide access to the two other holes that peppered his side. A few tense minutes and gasps of pain later, Mika had succeeded in extricating the remaining bullets and Gareth was one step closer to a full recovery. Osric was next, and Mika was not surprised when he was considerably less dramatic than Gareth was.</p><p>Not long after that, Marius returned with a small deer he'd hunted. Osric and Gareth quickly joined him outside and the three of them went to work skinning it.</p><p>Mika followed them out, but his focus immediately settled on Jakob who hadn't budged from the spot on the porch where he was sitting. Jakob's face was completely gaunt, and his eyes were bloodshot. His posture was that of a broken man.</p><p>Jakob didn't look up as Mika approached. Mika stopped several feet away and sat down with his back against the saggy wooden railings.</p><p>"I'd ask you how you are, but that would be a stupid question." He commented.</p><p>Jakob's shoulders shuddered as he sighed, but other than that he did not react.</p><p>"Tell me what I can do for you." Mika added, his voice low and thick with concern.</p><p>Jakob shook his head slowly.</p><p>"Fine. If there's nothing I can do for you, then I'm going to ask you to do something for me."</p><p>Jakob looked up at Mika, his red eyes narrowed in confusion. Mika met his hard, anguished gaze calmly.</p><p>"What?" Jakob asked. His voice was so hoarse he didn't even sound like himself.</p><p>"I need you to play medic for a few minutes. Got some bullets in my arm and shoulder that should probably come out sooner than later." Mika explained. Jakob's face fell.</p><p>"I... I don't think I'm... in the right frame of mind for such delicate work right now." He croaked.</p><p>"I hear you, but we're at war. And the war doesn't care what frame of mind you're in." Mika continued evenly. Jakob let out a soft groan of frustration, and he looked away from Mika for several moments, blinking furiously and dabbing at his eye with his tattered, bloodied sleeve.</p><p>"Why can't Osric or Marius do it?" Jakob whimpered.</p><p>"One: you've got a steadier hand than either of them. Two: I'm your boss. And three..." Mika paused and took a deep breath. He didn't realize how tired he was until he sat down. "...I'm trying to distract you here, Jakob. Just humour me."</p><p>Mika stood up and offered Jakob his hand. After only a moment's hesitation, Jakob reached out. Mika gently pulled him up to his feet and they made their way into the cabin.</p><p>Mika lay down on the couch with his damaged arm facing his reluctant would-be medic.</p><p>"I have no idea what I'm doing." Jakob muttered dispassionately. "I'm going to hurt you."</p><p>"If you find a way to hurt me worse than I already am, I'll be impressed." Mika replied lightly. "Now get in there. Pretend it's a splinter."</p><p>It did hurt worse. Considerably worse.</p><p>"You're doing great. I hardly felt a thing." He encouraged Jakob with forced casualness as the first of the bullets was removed.</p><p>"Why did they have guns?" Jakob croaked.</p><p>"Their human soldiers don't need to play by their rules." Mika explained. "It's dirty, but it's not illegal. Clearly they're willing to do whatever it takes to get ahead. I don't believe those vampaneze had any intention of blooding them. If they did, they'd be training them to follow their laws from the start."</p><p>"Are we going to start recruiting humans too?" Jakob asked. Mika scoffed derisively and then regretted it as the motion sent a shockwave of pain through his upper body.</p><p>"Not in this lifetime. I know I'd never approve it, and I highly doubt any of the other Princes would either." Said Mika. "And if I found any vampire guilty of using an unblooded human to skirt weaponry laws, there'd be a hell of a trial."</p><p>"That's good." Jakob murmured. "How are you doing?"</p><p>"Living the dream." Mika replied wryly.</p><p>"Good. I think I've found the second bullet..."</p><p>"Ow. Yep, you've got it."</p><p>"Alright, pulling it in 3...2-"</p><p>"Don't count." Mika protested. "Just do- OUCH. FUCK."</p><p>"Sorry. That's two done." Said Jakob wearily, holding up the bloodied piece of metal so Mika could see it.</p><p>"Don't apologize. Let's get three over with."</p><p>Three hurt more than one and two put together and it was all Mika could do not to punch Jakob in the head out of instinct. He knew there was a fourth bullet that was cozily tucked close to his shoulder joint but he kept that to himself. He knew it was too far in for Jakob to access, it would have to wait til he reached Vampire Mountain and the trained medics that resided there. As long as he could keep it clean to stave off an infection, he'd most likely be fine.</p><p>"Good work. Thank you." Mika panted as he sat back upright and pressed a clean cloth against the bleeding hole in his arm.</p><p>"Is that it? Just three?" Jacob asked.</p><p>"Yep." Mika lied swiftly. Jakob looked slightly suspicious but a dull thud from the cellar pulled both their attention. The human.</p><p>"I forgot about him." Jakob growled, a sudden hatred flashing in his eyes.</p><p>"I wish I could forget about him." Mika replied drily. "I'll have to spend some time with him later. I can't decide if I should wait til after I eat, or if I should just get it over with."</p><p>"You're going to torture him for information, right?" Jakob asked, a strange curiosity burning in his face.</p><p>"Well, I didn't bring him along for fun." Said Mika.</p><p>"He's the one that shot Arlo." Said Jakob, his voice cracking. Mika frowned. He wasn't entirely sure where Jakob was going with this, but he had a rough idea.</p><p>"I'm not sure." Said Mika.</p><p>"I am." Jakob muttered. "He was shooting at you. But he missed, and Arlo took the bullet instead. I saw the whole thing."</p><p>"I'm sorry." Said Mika helplessly. "If I had a choice between taking another bullet and having Arlo here with us, I wouldn't hesitate."</p><p>"I want to do it." Jakob replied abruptly.</p><p>"Do what?" Mika asked, even though he knew.</p><p>"Interrogate the human."</p><p>"You really want the job of pushing a defenceless man to his breaking point just for a shred of information that may or may not end up being useful to us?" Said Mika, shooting Jakob a skeptical glance. "Have you ever conducted an interrogation?"</p><p>"No, Sire. But you saved me today when I lost my head during the fight. I would've been shot or captured if you hadn't pulled me to safety. With all due respect, I'd like to do this... so you don't have to." Jakob answered, his words carefully measured.</p><p>Mika stared at him long and hard, forcing Jakob to meet his steely eyes.</p><p>You must think I'm a special kind of stupid, Mika thought to himself.</p><p>"Really? You're leaping at a chance to torture someone just for the sake of preserving my mental health? No other reason?" Mika replied shrewdly.</p><p>"Yes, Sire."</p><p>Mika didn't speak for a minute or so but he held Jakob's gaze, silently daring the younger man to look away. Jakob didn't waver.</p><p>"Liar." Said Mika crisply. Jakob's face reddened. "You want to hurt him because he hurt you. And you can deny it if you want to, but you'll only be digging yourself deeper into a hole."</p><p>"Why does it matter?" Jakob gasped, starting to sob again. "If it gets us what we need, why the fuck does it matter? I get revenge, you get to sit back and keep your hands clean! What's your problem?"</p><p>Mika felt his temper rise. Jakob had learned so much over the last few years that sometimes Mika forgot how relatively inexperienced he still was. So he pushed his frustration back down with some difficulty.</p><p>"My problem is that you're jumping at this opportunity for the wrong reasons. You shouldn't WANT to torture someone. Ever. You're not thinking clearly - trust me, I've been there. After Kurda was exiled, I got drunk and told Arrow I wanted to resign as a Prince-"</p><p>"THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU!" Jakob bellowed, tears still streaming from his face. Mika blinked in surprise at the audacity. If Jakob wanted a yelling match, Mika would be happy to give him one - and relish every second. But instead he made a conscious decision to hold his tongue, at least for now. He wanted to see where Jakob was going with this.</p><p>"Your loss isn't the same as mine! And fuck you for acting like it is!" Jakob continued, all semblance of respect long gone. "You walk around all moody and angsty as if you've been to hell and back, like you're some kind of survivor. As if you weren't out FUCKING the traitor four nights ago! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW I'M FEELING! YOU NEVER DID, AND YOU NEVER WILL!"</p><p>White-hot fury burned in Mika's soul. The only reason he was able to control it was because he'd just decided exactly how he was going to handle this. Jakob's carelessly chosen words had made the decision for him. He arched his eyebrows impatiently at Jakob, daring him to continue ranting, and he did just that.</p><p>"You can't just shelter me!" Jakob continued. "What was the point of spending all these years training me to be the next you, if you don't think I can handle this? You're the one who said war doesn't care what frame of mind you're in! So just let me fucking do this!"</p><p>Mika stared him down, face purposefully devoid of any trace of expression. When he finally spoke, his words were sharp as glass, hard as diamond, and cold as ice.</p><p>"You're no me, Jakob. I know that much." Said Mika evenly. "And you're right. My pain isn't your pain. Clearly I have no idea what I'm talking about. So go ahead. Go torture that human like you so desperately want to. Paint the walls with his blood for all I care. I'll be right here on this couch. Let me know what you find out."</p><p>Mika hit Jakob with his trademark withering glare, then picked up a tattered hunting magazine from the coffee table that was dated nine years ago, and began to read.</p><p>He heard Jakob's footsteps retreat slowly, the cellar door creaking open and closed, and Jakob descending the stairs that would lead him to the captured human. Mika took a deep breath and studiously perused an advertisement for a comically massive, outdoorsy truck as if he was in the market for such a thing.</p><p>He didn't even get as far as the interior trim options when he heard footsteps pounding back up the stairs, and the cellar door flying open. Jakob emerged, panting and shaking. He staggered to the kitchen table and and collapsed into a chair with his face in his hands.</p><p>Right on schedule, Mika thought ruefully. Jakob handled that exactly as expected. Mika slowly got up from the couch and relocated to the table, taking a seat directly across from Jakob.</p><p>"How did that go? Did you break him?" Mika asked sarcastically.</p><p>"I didn't touch him." Jakob panted. "I just looked at him... and he looked at me... I can't do it. I'm sorry, Sire... Mika... I just can't."</p><p>Mika rolled his eyes.</p><p>"I know. That's the only reason I let you try. I knew you weren't ready, and honestly? I'm glad you're not. You don't need another memory from today that'll haunt you for the rest of your life."</p><p>Jakob looked up to face Mika, his watery eyes even redder than before.</p><p>"I'm so sorry." Jakob repeated hoarsely. "For everything."</p><p>"Learn from this. That's all I have to say to you right now." Said Mika flatly before getting back up and turning away.</p><p>"Where are you going?" Jakob whimpered at his retreating back.</p><p>"To do my fucking job."</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Big shot screaming, "Put your hands in the sky,"</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>He says, "Give it up boy, give it up or your gonna die</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>You'll get a bullet in the back of the neck</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>In the back of the neck right between the eyes. "</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Mika had known from the start Jakob wasn't ready to take on a solo interrogation, no matter how grief-stricken he was. It's one thing to want to make someone hurt. It's another thing entirely to do it. To systemically apply excruciating pain to another living thing until they reach their breaking point, give you what you need, and become disposable from that point onwards.</p><p>He recognized it was a good thing how much he loathed this task, but that didn't help him in the moment. Or afterwards, when the shock and terror of the day coupled with the physical pain of neglected injuries finally became too much and he could do nothing but lock himself in the bathroom and vomit. And when his body had nothing left to give, he slowly sunk down to the floor and just lay there, feeling trapped in limbo. Too shattered to get up and return to the team, too numb to cry. Just broken enough to do what he'd managed to go six years without doing.</p><p>A bit of telepathic outreach didn't exactly compare to the fact they'd relapsed in person barely four days ago anyway.</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Sorry I left before you woke up.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: Charna's Guts, Mika. No contact for six years and now twice in a week?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: I had no reason to contact you prior to this week.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: I got your note. Don't feel bad about leaving. I would've done the same.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: And I'm sorry I stole your cookies.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: That's funny considering your note was very unapologetic about that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Sometimes it takes a while to figure these things out. You know me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: That's an understatement.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Mhm.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: You okay?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Just had a bad day.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: Want to talk about it?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Definitely not.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: Then what do you want me to do?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Hadn't thought that far ahead.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: I don't know how to help you, Mika.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Just tell me something that isn't awful.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: I mailed a letter to Gracie yesterday.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Wow.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: I said the same thing.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: I never know how I feel about you from one moment to the next-</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: You made that very clear when you visited.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: -but I'll sleep better knowing there's still hope for you and Gracie. That's the truth.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: Your heart always was in the right place, no matter how much you pretend otherwise. I appreciate that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: I hate this, Kurda. I fucking hate it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: That's rather vague.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: That's as specific as I can get.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: Then you really did have a bad day.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Sorry I bothered you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: You've never bothered me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: That's a bold-faced lie.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: Are you sure you're okay? What are you doing right now?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Absolutely not lying on a bathroom floor in some shack somewhere.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: Mika...</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: How do you do that?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: Do what?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Make me feel like I'm in trouble just by saying my name. You've done that the entire time I've known you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: I didn't even say your name. I thought it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: That's even worse.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: I worry about you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Don't.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: You can't tell me you're lying on a bathroom floor somewhere, give me NO context, and then tell me not to worry about you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: I see your point. I'm fine. Just war stuff.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: 'War stuff'. Wow. That makes me feel so much better. Gods, you're such a prick.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: I'm sorry. I shouldn't have contacted you. Moment of weakness.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: At least tell me if you're safe.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: At this present moment, I'm safe.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: I don't know what you went through today, but I do know you should get some rest.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: You're probably right.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: You must have a fever or a concussion or both because there's no way you'd say those words to me in your right mind.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Whatever.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: Just close your eyes. I'll stay with you til you fall asleep.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And that's it! The last chapter before Mika finally gets to go back to Vampire Mountain and we catch up with the canonical start of book 7. His time away ended up taking up way more chapters than I intended but I felt like I couldn't just skip over five years worth of character development after the events of book 6 basically turned his life upside down and set it on fire. He's doing his best, okay?</p><p>I wasn't going to have Mika and Kurda communicate again so soon after The Reunion but I needed the serotonin so I did it. Guys, I hate hate hate writing Kurda in exile but it was the only way I could spare his life. I couldn't imagine a scenario in which the clan would let him stick around after the events of book 6. So here we are.</p><p>Thanks for reading! If you feel like it, feedback would be phenomenal.</p><p>I freaking love you guys. See you next time!</p><p>- Roxy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. HOME I - Still Ache From Trying To Keep Pace</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>All these miles, feet, inches, They can't add up to the distance<br/>That I have been through, just to get to a place where even if there's no closure, I'm still safe<br/>I still ache from trying to keep pace, Somebody give me a sign, I'm starting to lose faith</p><p>***</p><p>After five years in the field, Mika finally returns to Vampire Mountain. So huzzah, and all that. But of course, this is Mika Ver Leth we're talking about so naturally it doesn't take long for his welcome-back party to take an unexpected turn.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey hi you guys!! It's uh... well it's a chapter alright. And I think you're going to hate it!! Trust me, you'll see. As you're reading, please just remember...... I've only ever had, and I'll only ever have one endgame with these two. That's all I have to say. </p><p>The dialogue when Mika relays his news from the field is all direct from Hunters Of The Dusk. Because I love being true to canon one minute and off the fuckin' rails the next. Aren't I quirky and fun?!?!? Also, fun fact: in the book itself, Mika never mentions he was shot. Whereas in the manga adaption he's literally like GUYS LOOK I GOT SHOT!!</p><p>Let's get to it I guess. Sorry in advance.</p><p>Oh yeah and it's another 2-parter. It was supposed to be one concise chapter to cover Mika's first 24 hours back in the mountain, but alas I am the human embodiment of chaos so it just spiralled. As it does.</p><p>Chapter 11: HOME I - Still Ache From Trying To Keep Pace</p><p>Song: Home by Machine Gun Kelly. (ok you caught me. I used this song in Call It What You Want already - also in a chapter where Mika returned to the mountain after a time away. Let's pretend that's symbolism or something when really it's just because this song is one of my top Mika anthems and it just works SO WELL.)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <strong>Home</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>A place where I can go</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>To take this off my shoulders</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Someone take me home</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kurda was aware he'd fallen into a bit of a pattern. Specifically, dating his bosses.</p><p>And Mika wasn't even the first. The first was an older General who Kurda had trained with briefly, once upon a time. Mika also wasn't the last, to Kurda's surprise. Not once in the six years after his exile did he entertain the notion of seeing anyone ever again for the rest of his life.</p><p>And then, Nathan happened.</p><p>Nathan was far from royalty. His biggest claim to fame was that he owned the only bar in town. But he was kind-hearted, and most importantly he made Kurda laugh. Which, after everything that had happened in his life, meant the world to Kurda.</p><p>The unfortunate part was that when Kurda first became a regular at Nathan's bar years ago, he'd introduced himself as Kyle Smith - the most mundane, forgettable name he could possibly imagine. There was no real reason for Kurda to use a false identity. He was exiled, not hiding. But the thought of a fresh, clean slate was admittedly appealing. So Kyle Smith was born. And it wasn't long before Kyle Smith found himself working part-time as a bartender at Nathan's fine establishment. Nathan took immediate interest in the mysterious man with the sad smile and knockout-gorgeous eyes who showed up out of nowhere one day, but it was years before anything worth noting transpired between them.</p><p>After casually flirting for at least a year, they went on their first date about a week after Mika's unexpected visit (Cue "Ironic" By Alanis Morissette). In the days following his night with Mika, Kurda had been a little... spaced out of his fucking mind, to say the very least. Nathan noticed something was off when Kurda went to pour a drink and then just kept pouring until there was more alcohol on the bar than in the glass.</p><p>"Alright, Smith. Talk to me." Nathan had said later, as he saw Kurda sitting alone in a booth during his break and sat down across from him.</p><p>Kurda felt a pang of painful nostalgia at the easy, unassuming way Nathan said "alright, Smith." How many hundreds of times had Mika and Kurda both addressed each other by their surnames in a varying degrees of exasperation throughout the early years?</p><p>Kurda sighed dejectedly.</p><p>"Sorry, Nathan. I know I've been a bit of a mess. But I'm handling it. Seriously."</p><p>"That's an understatement." Said Nathan. "What the hell's going on with you?"</p><p>"I mentioned I have a daughter, right?"</p><p>"Yeah... I don't like to pry, but I get the impression it's a bit of a complicated situation." Nathan replied with a sideways glance.</p><p>"That's an understatement." Kurda snorted. He truly had no idea. "Anyway, her other dad, also known as my ex, came to visit me a few days ago... we hadn't seen each other in about six years and it wasn't good."</p><p>Nathan stiffened.</p><p>"Did he give you a hard time? Are you okay?"</p><p>Kurda laughed hollowly. Clearly there was an assumption being made here.</p><p>"It's not like that." He assured Nathan. That much was true. "I'm the problem, not him."</p><p>"Ah. I see. I don't mean to be nosy, but... I just can't picture you being a problem?"</p><p>Kurda took a deep breath and thought long and hard about how he should be proceeding here, or if he should proceed at all. He did proceed, albeit with caution.</p><p>"I... I betrayed him in a way that destroyed both of us. And I'm still working on finding a way to live with that." Kurda summarized flatly. That was also true.</p><p>So they sat, and talked, and drank. Kurda hated lying, but Nathan wouldn't have believed the full truth if he heard it. So as far as Nathan knew, Kurda had committed infidelity against his ex "Mike". Kurda supposed that was sort of true in a roundabout way. He'd been disloyal. Just not in the way he was leading Nathan to believe. Either way, Nathan never judged. He simply listened. He claimed he heard much worse confessions during his time as a bartender. And while that didn't surprise Kurda, he also knew it would be a different story if Nathan knew what really happened between Kurda and his ex. It would've been funny if it hadn't been so awful.</p><p>That night, they sat and talked til four in the morning. Long after the last patron had gone home and they should have put the "closed" sign on the door.</p><p>The next day, Nathan abruptly asked if Kurda wanted to have dinner with him the following Tuesday night. So they did. And they did it again a few days later. And then again. Fast forward two months, and they were taking turns spending nights and mornings at each other's houses, watching movies, cooking together... it was beautiful in it's simplicity. Kurda's early-life relationships had been fine. Being with Mika had been incredible. But he'd never had anything quite this effortless.</p><p>And Kurda was happy. So happy he almost didn't know what to do with himself. He tried to temper it; he knew ultimately he'd have to move on. Nathan was a human, and Kurda could potentially live for another six hundred years. There would never be a "forever" relationship with a human for him. And telling the truth wasn't an option. If he told Nathan about the clan, he'd also have to tell him about the exile. And there was just no way in hell that was happening. So for now, Kurda lived in the moment.</p><p>For the first time since the worst moment of his life, he started to feel like he was home.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Home</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>A place where I can go</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>To take this off my shoulders</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Someone take me home</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Someone take me</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>The night was young when Mika finally, finally found himself walking the halls of Vampire Mountain for the first time in five years. Even after everything that happened here, he still loved this place as much as he had during what he now considered "the good old days" or "Before Kurda" (BK for short). Nothing could change the fact that every crack, corner, bloodstain, and dust bunny in this place was sacred to him. This was his whole life. This was home.</p><p>And how beautiful it felt to be home.</p><p>The halls were fairly quiet as he made his way briskly to the Hall of Princes with Jakob, Gareth, Osric, and Marius trailing behind him. A few vampires greeted them excitedly but Mika didn't stop until he reached the massive glowing dome where he'd logged thousands of hours of his life, and intended to clock many more before his time on earth was through.</p><p>Mika paused before opening the door and glanced over his shoulder to check in with the team.</p><p>"You don't have to stay for this." He told them. "I know you're all exhausted. You can go sleep or bathe or eat -"</p><p>"Not a chance. We're with you to the end." Jakob interrupted, gritty determination in his world-weary eyes. The others nodded.</p><p>"Alright then." Said Mika quietly.</p><p>He pressed his palm gently, almost affectionately, against the automatic door panel. He relished the light, familiar buzzing sensation, then the doors slid open. And if he hadn't already been back in his happy place prior to walking back into the Hall of Princes, he sure as hell was now. Memories of Kurda's betrayal may have tarnished it, but time away had restored the old shine. And for that he was grateful.</p><p>The hall was mostly empty, but his eyes immediately landed on Paris, Seba and Larten standing at the front of the room conversing with each other. Paris's back was facing Mika; he had no idea his prodigal colleague had returned. Larten caught Mika's eye and began to smile but Mika held his finger to his lips in a shushing motion. Larten caught on immediately and kept a straight face so when Mika silently crept up behind Paris, the old man was perfectly clueless until Mika threw his good arm around him roughly. "Roughly" being a relative term, of course. Paris wasn't as sturdy as he used to be. Had he been greeting Arrow or Vancha or vice-versa, they would've been liable to come away with cracked ribs.</p><p>"What the - Mika?! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" Paris wheezed into Mika's chest as he returned the hug. Mika sighed contentedly and held Paris tightly. Although it wasn't lost on him that everything about Paris seemed a little weaker than it did five years ago, from the quaver in his voice to the way his embrace wasn't as firm as it used to be. Mika tried not to think about how it seemed like just a few years ago they were near the same height, and now Paris was barely eye-level with Mika's collarbone.</p><p>"I had no idea you were on your way back!" Paris chided him as they broke apart.</p><p>"Because I didn't tell you." Mika chuckled. "Surprise."</p><p>"You have always been in the habit of keeping us on our toes. It is good to see you, Sire." Said Seba with a respectful little bow. Mika responded by pulling him in for a hug just as he'd done Paris.</p><p>"Funny, I never took you for a hugger." Larten contributed with a crisp grin. "War has changed you."</p><p>"Don't worry, Quicksilver. I can only do so many per day." Mika replied stiffly before rolling his eyes and returning Larten's smile. He gave him a quick embrace after all.</p><p>It was true, Mika was not generally a hugger. Arrow on the other hand was a hugger extraordinaire. Mika had always been more sparing with manifesting affection in a physical manner.</p><p>But even if you live for centuries, five years is a long time to be away from home. Your people. Your family. So today, Mika was a hugger.</p><p>"How are you?" Paris queried, his eyes roaming up and down Mika's body as if looking for clues. "How was your time away?"</p><p>"We'll get to that." Mika promised. "Progress was made and I do have some news, but I don't have any information that'll make or break the war. Otherwise I would've relayed it mentally."</p><p>"I figured as much." Said Paris gently. "I'm just glad you're home safe."</p><p>There was a tear in Paris's old blue eye and Mika had to look away.</p><p>"Me too." He said. He'd never made a truer statement in his life.</p><p>"How are you feeling?" Paris asked. "You look weary. Do you need a rest before you give your report? Medical attention? Something to eat?"</p><p>"Probably, but all that can wait." Mika responded with a dismissive wave of his hand. Paris shot him a highly reproachful glare. "Paris... trust me." Mika added more seriously. "I've been gone for five years. This is the only place in the world I want to be right now."</p><p>"Self-care never was your forté." Paris admonished him resignedly, smiling once again.</p><p>"Not even Mika Ver Leth can be good at *everything*." Seba chuckled.</p><p>"See? Seba gets it." Said Mika breezily while Paris scoffed at him.</p><p>"You are holding your left arm rather strangely." Larten pointed out, as he took in the way Mika was keeping the arm curled close to his body. The unattended bullet in his shoulder had caused the entire limb to seize up so painfully it was essentially useless at this point. A trip to the medics would certainly be his next stop after this, but he couldn't sit down and put his feet up until he'd made sure everyone knew the latest developments. And he wasn't ready to reveal the news about the vampets and their bonus firepower yet. They'd all find out soon enough anyway. So he shrugged evasively at Larten's comment.</p><p>Then he spotted another familiar face making its way over. Darren didn't look a whole lot older than he did five years ago, but he was taller and he'd filled out. Mika frequently forgot the kid was actually Gracie's age. Five years later he almost looked like he could pass for a high schooler. And he had his faithful friend Harkat Mulds in tow - who looked the same as ever.</p><p>"How's the cub Prince?" Mika greeted Darren, smiling briefly.</p><p>"Not bad," Darren replied in a would-be-casual manner. His voice was a little bit deeper, but not much. He looked Mika up and down almost critically, just like Paris had. "What about the Vampaneze Lord? According to the gossip, you know where he is." Darren added briskly. Gone was the gentle apprehension that used to come standard for him.</p><p>Mika had a healthy appreciation for the fact he wasn't beating around the bush. Just as Gracie was undeniably Mika's kid, for all intents and purposes, Darren surely was Larten's. The circumstances that led the two vampires to inadvertently raise these children couldn't have been more different. But there were some undeniable similarities between the end product.</p><p>"If only!" Mika snorted. No one gossiped like vampires, he wasn't surprised the rumours had reached such an critically optimistic level. "Shall we assemble? I have news, but I'd rather announce it to the Hall in general."</p><p>The vampires in the hall immediately took their seats, and as if on cue more began to file into the room. Word of Mika's arrival had spread like wildfire.</p><p>At long last, Mika climbed the stairs up to the throne platform and sunk into his throne. The ancient, hard, nondescript wooden chair might as well have been a La-Z-Boy recliner to him. Now he was truly home.</p><p>"It's good to be back," he sighed as he patted his arm rests affectionately. "Has Seba been taking good care of my coffin?"</p><p>In hindsight, one of his biggest regrets was the moment he lost control in a drunken rage and smashed the absolute shit out of his beloved mahogany coffin the night of Kurda's exile. He spent months sleeping on a lumpy old cot he'd dragged up from the infirmary - requesting the staff to bring him a new coffin would beg the question "what the hell happened to yours?" and he simply didn't want to go there. Then one day he walked into his cell and saw his old coffin there. Against all odds, the thing had been painstakingly pieced back together by Seba and Arrow over the course of several months. Mika thought he loved that coffin before, but he had a whole new appreciation for it now. A good surprise had been a pleasant change.</p><p>"To the vampaneze with your coffin!" Some old General hollered from the second row. "What news of the Vampaneze Lord?"</p><p>Mika shot the General a withering glare but refrained from snapping back - although he certainly could have. He sighed again and ran a hand through his hair.</p><p>"First, let's make it clear - I don't know where he is. But I've had word of him."</p><p>The assembled crowd went from attentive to disappointed to gleeful in the span of about three seconds as they absorbed his words.</p><p>"Before I begin, do you know about the latest vampaneze recruits?" Mika added.</p><p>The Princes and senior Generals had made a concerted effort to keep each other in the loop since the war started but it was easier said than done. He'd lost track of who all knew what at this point. At one point during his visit with Gracie, she'd told him about an online "group chat" her colleagues used to keep in touch. Personally, Mika thought the clan should take a cue from the civilized world and just buy a bunch of fucking iPhones and be done with it. But somehow he didn't think the other Princes would be into that. Well, maybe Darren. But that was a pipe dream for another night.</p><p>His comment about the vampaneze recruits was met with blank stares.</p><p>"The vampaneze have been adding to their ranks since the start of the war, blooding more humans than usual, to drive their numbers up." He explained.</p><p>This is old news," Paris remarked. "There are far fewer vampaneze than vampires in the world. We expected them to blood recklessly. It is nothing to worry about - we still outnumber them greatly."</p><p>Hah. I haven't even gotten to the best part, thought Mika.</p><p>"Yes... But now they're also using unblooded humans. They call them 'vampets'. Apparently the Vampaneze Lord himself came up with the name. Like him, they're learning the rules of vampaneze life and warfare as humans, before being blooded. He plans to build an army of human helpers." Mika explained. He watched every pair of eyes in the room grow as wide as dinner plates at the revelation.</p><p>The human he'd captured, the vampet, had yielded more information than he'd expected. As awful as extracting that information had been, it had been even more valuable than Mika could have imagined.</p><p>"We can deal with humans," another General shouted obliviously.</p><p>"Normally. But we must be wary of these vampets." Mika countered patiently. It was truly a mark of his contentedness at being home that he didn't even feel the need to jump down the man's throat for interrupting him. "While they lack the powers of the vampaneze, they're learning to fight like them. Also, since they aren't blooded, they don't have to abide by the more restrictive vampaneze laws. They aren't honour bound to tell the truth, they don't have to follow ancient customs - and they don't have to limit themselves to hand to hand weapons."</p><p>A clamour of angry mutters and whispers circled through the hall.</p><p>"Hah! I believe we are capable of dealing with mere humans, Sire!" Someone exclaimed indignantly from the corner.</p><p>Mika raised an eyebrow, his patience thinning. Okay, time for show and tell.</p><p>"Normally, I'd quite agree..." He rolled up his sleeve and held up his left arm, angling it in a way that made it easy to see the ugly souvenirs of the firefight that had taken Arlo's life. "What do you think of them now?"</p><p>There was a series of shocked gasps and cusses as the crowd realized the other side was changing the rules of the game.</p><p>"Sire! Are those bullet wounds?!" The same General yelped.</p><p>"They are indeed." Mika confirmed, firmly pushing back the memories of the night he first heard gunshots at close range and the debilitating terror that followed.</p><p>Dozens of fascinated eyes locked onto his new scars and Mika knew exactly what they were all thinking; they saw it as a badge of honour. A novel souvenir from a grand adventure. He couldn't blame them, such was the vampire way and he'd probably be thinking the same thing if their positions were reversed.</p><p>He hoped none of them ever found themselves in a fight like that, but he doubted they'd get that lucky.</p><p>"The vampaneze are using guns?" Paris breathed, his pale face whitening even more.</p><p>"The vampets aren't vampaneze. There's no reason why a non-blooded vampet shouldn't use a gun. I don't think all their masters approve, but under orders from their Lord, they allow it." Mika continued. "But the vampets are a problem for another night. I only mention them now because it's relevant to how I found out about their Lord. A vampaneze would die screaming before betraying his clan, but the vampets aren't so hardened." Mika added. "I captured one a few months ago and squeezed some interesting details out of him."</p><p>Intrigued mutterings broke out across the hall. Jakob caught Mika's eye and nodded curtly; both quietly remembering the night the vampet was questioned.</p><p>"Foremost of which is - the Vampaneze Lord doesn't have a base. He's travelling the world with a small band of guards, moving among the various fighting units, keeping up morale." Mika carried on.</p><p>The Generals received the news with great excitement - if the Vampaneze Lord was mobile and lightly protected, he was more vulnerable to attack.</p><p>"Did this vampet know where the Vampaneze Lord was?" Mr. Crepsley asked.</p><p>"No," Mika said. "He'd seen him, but that had been more than a year ago. Only those who accompany him know of his travel patterns."</p><p>The stealthy fucker.</p><p>"What else did he tell you?" Paris enquired.</p><p>"That their Lord still hasn't been blooded. And that despite his efforts, morale is low. Vampaneze losses are high, and many don't believe they can win the war. There has been talk of a peace treaty - even outright surrender." Mika concluded, managing a weary grin. That pearl of information had undoubtedly been the silver lining that kept him going during the long, cold trek back to Vampire Mountain.</p><p>A cheer erupted from the crowd, building volume like a mighty jet engine until it seemed like the very walls could crack open.</p><p>About a dozen Generals leapt from their seats and charged towards the throne platform, hollering in boisterous glee. Mika had a pretty good idea of what was about to occur. This was a thing that just happened around here sometimes.</p><p>"Seriously?" Larten grunted. "Right now?"</p><p>"What's going on?" Darren yelped.</p><p>"I'll just go ahead and take your name off the schedule for guarding the hall tonight then, Mika?" Paris commented drily.</p><p>Mika had just enough time to shoot Paris an sorry-not-sorry smile and a shrug before he was hoisted onto the shoulders of the clamouring Generals and carried swiftly from the hall.</p><p>Part of him - the professional, stoic, reasonable part of him - almost shut it down. Almost said "Love the enthusiasm, guys. But let's stay focused here."</p><p>But there was another part of him that was louder these days - the world-weary, slightly unhinged part. The part that recognized if a spontaneous and inconveniently timed celebration was the worst thing that happened to him today, it was a damn good day.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Look, I didn't power through the struggle</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Just to let a little trouble, knock me out of my position</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>And interrupt the vision</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>After everything I witnessed, after all of these decisions</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>All these miles, feet, inches</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>They can't add up to the distance</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>That I have been through, just to get to</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>A place where even if there's no closure, I'm still safe</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>I still ache from trying to keep pace</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Somebody give me a sign, I'm starting to lose faith</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Within minutes he was back in his secondary natural habitat (his primary natural habitat being the Hall of Princes). Mika had almost forgotten what it was like to feel this peaceful and secure as he sat in the middle of the Hall of Khledon Lurt, surrounded by hot food, cold alcohol and clamouring fans- er, friends.</p><p>He spent about half an hour mingling and catching up with vampires he hadn't seen since leaving the mountain. But eventually he made his way over to where his teammates were sitting, wanting to see how they were doing. He knew they were just as tired as he was, and he wanted to remind them they weren't obligated to sit through a long night of partying if they'd rather go rest from the journey. But that didn't seem to be an issue. The others lit up when they saw him approach and immediately made room on their bench. Every single one of them eagerly raised their glasses to toast him as he sat down.</p><p>"Gentlemen." Mika greeted them with a nod.</p><p>"There he is! Our fearless leader!" Marius Veld saluted. Mika rolled his eyes dismissively, but flashed them all a quick grin nonetheless. Immediately, several more fresh drinks were slid down the table in his direction, and he smiled wider yet. He never had a hard time being the centre of attention. He couldn't help it, his brain was just wired that way. (A fact that had always caused Kurda endless exasperation).</p><p>"A leader is only as good as his team." Said Mika, glancing at Marius, Osric, Jakob, and Gareth in turn. Yes, even Gareth. "You made me proud during our time in the field together. I was honoured to fight beside you. And I no matter what happens in this war... I hope all of you remember that."</p><p>A few seconds of stunned silence followed his words. Mika was known for many things but spontaneously soulful proclamations were not one of them. If he did deliver a compliment, it was usually more subtle and backhanded than that. No one seemed to know what to say, so Mika raised his mug.</p><p>"To those we lost too soon. And to the rest of us... six years into the War of Scars and we're still here. May we make that mean something. And worse case scenario - even in death may we be triumphant. To the vampire clan!" He said loudly.</p><p>"Even in death may we be triumphant!" Came the resounding echo from not only his table, but every other vampire within earshot.</p><p>They downed their mugs, they laughed and they retold the less-dismal stories from their five years away as other vampires came to join them at their table. And Mika was content. More so than he'd been in a long time. It didn't take long to finish off his drink, so he quickly rectified that with a trip to the bar table.</p><p>He spied Larten, Darren, Harkat, and Vanez sitting at a table near the corner. Surely they had a few good Vampire Mountain stories to catch him up on. He headed in their direction but didn't make it very far.</p><p>"Hey, Mika! Over here!" Came a booming voice from somewhere to his left.</p><p>He paused. Frowned. Turned.</p><p>Mika didn't outright have a problem with people addressing him by his first name, but still. There were a small-ish handful of vampires who were able to do that without him giving them a funny look at the very least.</p><p>He smiled politely as he saw who'd summoned him, and decided to let the informality slide.</p><p>"General Azerion." Said Mika, with a crisp smile and nod. "I didn't realize you were in the mountain. Good to see you."</p><p>"Oh, don't be so formal! How many decades have we known each other now? Call me Renley!" The other man laughed, beckoning Mika over with an enthusiastic wave of his arm.</p><p>Mika rolled his eyes.</p><p>"I see giving orders agrees with you." He snorted as he sat down beside Renley.</p><p>"I'm no you, but I certainly do my best!" Said Renley with an airy laugh. Mika arched his eyebrows.</p><p>"You're right. You're no me." He chuckled. "Lucky for you."</p><p>"Oh, come on!" Renley protested with a grin. "Everyone wants to be Mika Ver Leth!"</p><p>"If that's true, then everyone's an idiot." Said Mika, straight-faced. Renley paused and looked alarmed for a moment, then quickly rearranged his face back into his typical roguish grin.</p><p>"I suppose this is a bad time for me to mention I've more or less modelled my career after yours. And if that makes me an idiot then so be it, because it's worked out pretty well for me so far." Renley informed him, winking.</p><p>Mika rolled his eyes once more, but returned Renley's look with a wry grin of his own.</p><p>Renley Azerion wasn't much younger than Mika. He began his training roughly when Kurda did; they were about the same age. Slightly taller than Mika, fiery hazel eyes, dark brown hair and a wide assortment of tattoos covering his neck, shoulder, and right arm that Mika knew for a fact Arrow envied. Mika didn't see much of Renley these days but they'd been running in the same circles for a long time. There was a bit of overlap in the time they spent training in the mountain. To put it in perspective, when Mika and Arrow were seniors, Kurda and Renley would have been in their freshmen year- so to speak.</p><p>There was no shortage of talent in that generation, and Renley went on to become one of the clan's highest-ranking Generals. If you asked any of the current Princes to make a shortlist of their top choices for future nominations, he would've been on all of them. Truth be told, Mika was surprised Renley wasn't nominated before Kurda was.</p><p>Unlike Kurda who'd been an unconventional choice for many reasons, Renley was the utter poster-child for what the average vampire aspired to be. He was a stellar fighter, a smooth talker, a commanding leader. Traditional, but open-minded. Clever and analytical. He didn't dabble in controversial politics. He was all business when it counted, but widely known to be a bit of a party animal when off-duty. And not that it mattered to the majority of vampire clan, but he was devilishly handsome to boot. Any of that sound familiar?</p><p>Sometimes Mika wondered if the reason Renley hadn't been nominated for investiture yet was because the other Princes felt having one Mika around was plenty. But of course, that was just a theory.</p><p>The pair of them chatted for half an hour or so, catching each other up on their recent adventures. Renley had been the first General to lead a strike team from Vampire Mountain, mere months after Kurda's exile six years ago. He'd been back just over a month now. Like Mika's, Renley's strike team had not returned in one piece, and it was understandably weighing heavily on the young General's mind. Mika listened politely while Renley drank, ranted about the vampaneze, and drank some more. Mika had decades of practice with this - he was Arrow's best friend, after all.</p><p>"I was sorry to hear your team lost Arlo Bracken." Renley told Mika after a long gulp of ale. "He was a great vampire. Honourable as they come."</p><p>Mika nodded in agreement, and took another sip of his drink. He really didn't feel like thinking about that night.</p><p>"He didn't deserve to go so young. I'll miss him." Said Mika simply.</p><p>"How did Jakob take it?" Renley inquired. His tone was as laid-back as ever, but there was a spark of genuine curiosity in his eyes.</p><p>Mika paused. He didn't know how "out" Jakob was. To Mika's knowledge, Jakob and Arlo's official relationship began and ended during their time away from the mountain. They weren't totally secretive about it, but they didn't shout it from the rooftops either. And he'd prefer not to inadvertently out a friend who'd already been through too much.</p><p>"They were close friends. It hit him hard." Said Mika at last. "But the harsh reality is we're at war. None of us had time to grieve, we had to keep pushing on. And Jakob rose to the challenge with honour and dignity."</p><p>"They were a lot more than friends. Did... did you not know?!" Renley replied, visibly taken aback.</p><p>"Oh, no. I knew." Mika corrected him quickly, sighing. "Sorry, didn't mean to be evasive. I just didn't want to share anything that wasn't my place to share. Wasn't sure if it was common knowledge."</p><p>"It wasn't." Said Renley with a sad sort of smile. "I was running a hand-to-hand combat training session a few years back and they were in my group. I could just tell... something about the way they looked at each other. At first I thought they were just hooking up, but it became apparent it was deeper than that. It's a shame they never got their chance to... you know, go public with it like you and Kurda did back in the day. Jakob was always so cautious, and you just never know how people will react to that type of thing. I know they say vampires are progressive compared to humans but I can sure think of a few who..."</p><p>The abrupt mention of Kurda's name threw Mika off. He nodded silently, only half listening as Renley continued to chatter away. He lifted his mug to his lips and took a long, slow drink. As the dark, familiar liquid burned his throat he felt a small prickle of guilt along with it. Admittedly Mika hadn't fully experienced the apprehension that frequently precedes one's coming out.</p><p>There'd been a moment of, 'Hmm. How exactly is the clan going to react to this?' but that was swiftly followed by 'Fuck it. I'm Mika Ver Leth and I do what I want.' and that was that. He'd more or less showed up to work one day and essentially said 'Good morning everyone I'm dating Kurda Smahlt now. Go about your business'. Then one guy made a rude comment, but Arrow knocked him to the floor and just about cracked his skull open so it was very much an isolated incident. So as far as coming out went, Mika had gotten off incredibly easily. And that privilege was not lost on him.</p><p>He didn't realize how deeply he'd retreated into his thoughts until he felt someone reach over and lightly touch his forearm.</p><p>"Sorry, what?"</p><p>"I said, can I ask you something?" Said Renley, still smiling openly.</p><p>"Anyone can ask me anything, at any time." Mika replied with a guarded shrug. He didn't match Renley's breezy, forthright energy but he forced a gritty smile nonetheless. "Whether I answer is something else entirely."</p><p>"Touché!" Renley laughed. "If this is too personal, I apologize in advance -"</p><p>Mika scrutinized Renley shrewdly out of the corner of his eye. The confident young General returned Mika's sharp look with an easy amicability that Mika wasn't entirely accustomed to. There were very few vampires who looked at him like that, with the obvious exception of his inner circle. Which, last he checked, didn't include Renley. Sure, they were friends. Mika had a lot of friends. But there's a high degree of separation between a friendship and inner circle material.</p><p>"- but why Kurda Smahlt?"</p><p>Based on the fact the question had been prefaced by an apology, Mika wasn't completely caught off-guard by that. But he was far from prepared. He raised his mug once more, but what should have been a long drink ended abruptly - the mug was empty.</p><p>The disappointment must have been evident on his face because Renley stood up more quickly than should've been physically possible, and within five seconds he'd waved down one of the kitchen staff who'd been in the vicinity. And not five more seconds had passed before there was a freshly filled mug sitting in front of Mika before he had time to seek one out for himself.</p><p>Mika looked down at the mug, then back up at Renley and gave him a curtly appreciative nod.</p><p>"You're good." He admitted. Renley laughed raucously again as though Mika had just told a spectacular joke. Mika proceeded to take the long drink he'd been planning on. And it turned out to be longer than he'd intended. He drained almost half the glass before he felt ready to answer Renley's question. And it was only with the help of the hard liquor he was entertaining the possibility of answering it at all. Sober Mika would've been liable to just get up and walk away at the mention of Kurda. Buzzed Mika was marginally more chill. But his guard was still very much up.</p><p>"Why Kurda Smahlt..." Mika hummed thoughtfully. "That was the million-dollar question around here back then. Fuck, it feels like so much longer ago than it actually was."</p><p>"I remember hearing about it when it was big news." Said Renley casually. "I like to think I know what's going on, but I'll admit your change in relationship status took me by surprise."</p><p>"By the man in question, or the fact that it was a man?" Mika countered. He knew Renley had a reputation for being bold. And Mika, being Mika, had always respected that. But he wasn't sure how he felt about being on the receiving end.</p><p>"Both." Renley chuckled. "But more so the identity of the man in question. I've known Kurda forever, always was a bit... different. And knowing you -"</p><p>"You don't really know me that well, Renley." Mika interrupted swiftly. His tone was relaxed but undercut with subtle warning, and he knew Renley was smart enough to pick up on it.</p><p>"My apologies. Let me rephrase. Based on what I knew about you at the time, I never would've seen any of it coming. One: you settling down, first of all. Two: with a man. And three: that man being Kurda Smahlt!"</p><p>Renley took another sip of his ale, his eyes twinkling as he observed Mika from above his mug. Mika didn't know how to react, so he kept his guard up and his face coolly neutral.</p><p>"I didn't exactly anticipate it myself." Mika replied evenly. "It just happened."</p><p>"So I take it you're not going to answer my question?" Renley commented with a deliberately direct look at Mika. Mika met his gaze scathingly.</p><p>"Are you writing my fucking biography or something?"</p><p>"Not as such." Said Renley with a swift grin. "Unless you want me to."</p><p>"Gods, no. Ugh. That'd be an awful book." Mika replied with a mock grimace, and Renley laughed once again. "Anyway, I don't know what to tell you. I don't know what chemical reaction occurred in my brain that caused it to go 'wow, yes' every time I looked at Kurda Smahlt. I know it made no fucking sense to anyone else. It barely made sense to me. All I know is that, back then, he challenged me in ways nobody ever had. And I liked it." Mika mused. There was a harsh, abrasive edge to his voice at first - but with every word he spoke, it softened. His head was buzzing comfortably as the ice cold whiskey settled into his tired body. "He was so different than any other vampire. We didn't agree on everything but he always had my back when we were together. And we respected each other. He made me... I don't know. Better."</p><p>Renley nodded slowly. Mika realized he was no longer smiling. Rather he looked dismayed. Mika was aware he was no longer seeing entirely straight, but something about Renley's expression came across as almost... pitying. Surely that couldn't be right. Nobody pities Mika Ver Leth.</p><p>"Fair enough. Anyway, I'll have to take your word for it, because that was never the impression I got whenever I was around." Said Renley cautiously.</p><p>"Pardon you?" Mika shot back indignantly. He set his mug down more forcefully than he'd intended and a bit of liquid landed on his hand.</p><p>Renley sighed heavily and continued to gaze across the table at Mika. He smiled again after a moment, but it wasn't the same easy, dazzling smile that had been plastered on his face up til now. It was a sad sort of smile. And it was accompanied by an almost reverential focus in his eyes. Even if he'd been stone cold sober, Mika didn't think he would've known what to make of it.</p><p>"Are you really going to make me say it? Come on, Mika. I thought you were more intuitive than that." Said Renley softly.</p><p>Mika blinked in confusion. He heard the words but he wasn't certain he was truly understanding them. Suddenly he wished he hadn't hit the liquor quite so hard. This conversation was becoming harder to navigate by the second. Renley's hazel-gold eyes latched purposefully onto Mika's thunderstorm-grey, drawing him in and holding him there.</p><p>"What?" Mika grunted.</p><p>Renley sighed - again.</p><p>"You deserved so much better than Kurda Smahlt - and I'm not talking about the treachery. It was true long before last Council. I sat in on a lot of meetings with the two of you over the years - he was always trying to talk over you, arguing with you in front of everyone, as if his relationship status made your authority irrelevant. I knew it. Everyone knew it. Everyone but you." He said at last. Not quite a whisper, but his volume dropped considerably.</p><p>Mika's mind went blank. He had nothing. Renley was wrong. He was so, so wrong. Kurda did a horrible thing, that was undeniable. But during their good years... Kurda had been better than anything Mika could've dreamed about. He'd been perfect. Sure they disagreed on a lot, but that fire was what made them such a formidable duo. At its height, their relationship had been perfect.</p><p>It had been perfect, right? Had Mika's brain edited those memories so that when he thought of Kurda, all he could see was the drop-dead beautiful smile that, defying all logic and reason, made him believe in angels?</p><p>"It's true." Renley added in an undertone, his eyes still locked onto Mika's. "I never lived in the mountain full-time back then, but I drifted in and out often enough to know-"</p><p>"You don't know anything about my life." Mika growled. One hand gripping his mug a little too tightly, the other digging his fingernails into the edge of the table in an effort to keep himself grounded. This bizarre turn in conversation had disarmed him, leaving him without the usual decisive eloquence. The whiskey didn't help either.</p><p>"I know enough. I know you're one of the greatest vampires to ever walk these halls! You've dedicated your life to fighting for the good of the clan!" Renley retorted. "You're the one who sets the bar for the rest of us. And who was Kurda Smahlt? A cowardly, vampaneze-worshipping cartologist-"</p><p>"Cartographer." Mika corrected instinctively.</p><p>"Fine. Cartographer." Renley muttered, wrinkling his nose. "And when Smahlt wasn't waking around pretending to be some sort of scholar with his face buried in a damn map, he'd sit around looking down his nose at the rest of us. Like we were lower life forms for upholding our clan's time-honoured traditions." Renley added, his silken voice taking on a distinctly bitter edge.</p><p>"It wasn't like that!" Mika snapped. But his face burned, and he knew Renley's statement was rooted in a small amount of truth. How many times had Kurda sat on the sidelines rolling his eyes while Mika drank and sparred recklessly with his peers. He always loved that part of his life so fiercely. And he loved Kurda too - but he'd be lying if he said there hadn't been the odd time that Kurda was just a little bit... more like everyone else. And then he'd loathe himself for even thinking it.</p><p>"Come on. You're many things but naive isn't one of them." Renley snorted. "He used you! You cared about him, and he exploited that! Do you think a single vampire in this clan would've looked twice at him if he wasn't up there on your arm playing the long game by letting the world think he was your trophy and using that to his advantage? Why are you still defending him?"</p><p>Then he rolled his eyes in a way that made Mika bristle with anger. Maybe because it made him feel like he was looking in a mirror, but either way his body tensed in barely concealed rage. He slowly stood up, leaning heavily on the table as he stared murderously across at Renley. Who maintained an infuriatingly unbothered front, all things considered.</p><p>"I am not defending him. But let me make one thing perfectly clear." Mika snarled down at him viciously, the sudden fury granting him the clarity he'd been lacking until just now. "I don't owe anyone an explanation."</p><p>The tables had turned. Now Mika was the one holding Renley's gaze by force, daring the General to look away. Renley remained as cool-headed as ever, but his shoulders sagged ever so slightly and his face softened.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Mika. I overstepped. The ale is getting the better of me. Please forgive my disrespect."</p><p>Just like that, his voice was smooth and congenial once more. But Mika didn't give an inch.</p><p>"That's Sire Ver Leth to you." He snapped back coldly before turning and walking away. He heard the scrape of wood on stone and knew he was being followed. For fuck's sake.</p><p>Mika wasn't about to cause a scene at his own welcome home party; his whiskey-addled mind had retained at least that much common sense. But if Renley was still behind him when he got out to the hallway, he wasn't going to hold back. He didn't give a damn how successful this young General was. Who in the ever-loving fuck did he think he was? And furthermore, Renley wasn't going to be getting a nomination or a vote of support from Mika anytime soon. Mika stalked through the centre of the Hall of Khledon Lurt and out the door - scarcely acknowledging the handful of vampires who happily greeted him as he passed.</p><p>Finally he was out of that room. Everything felt disconcerted and fuzzy - from his brain to his limbs. But at least he could hear himself think now. He turned the corner to head back up to the Hall of Princes. All he wanted in this moment was to go sit with Paris and talk about literally anything but Kurda.</p><p>Five years away from the mountain and you wasted a whole hour stuck in a pointless, uncomfortable conversation with some arrogant General? He chastised himself furiously as he put as much distance between himself and that hall as he could. But of course, nothing is ever simple or easy in Mika's life. To his enormous irritation he could hear Renley chasing after him like a determined sheepdog. Except Mika would've stopped to pet a dog.</p><p>"My gods, would you just stop for a minute?" He heard Renley pant. "Come on, Mika. Slow down!"</p><p>"I used to think you were confident, but the fact that you're still talking to me suggests you're just stupid." Mika snapped without pausing or turning around.</p><p>"Look, I get it, alright? It wasn't my intention to throw more dirt on Smahlt's name. At least, not any more than he already has himself."</p><p>"I'll have you fucking demoted. I can do that."</p><p>"But you won't, because that would be petty and your reputation has taken enough hits since-"</p><p>"What do you WANT from me?!" Mika cut him off viciously, wheeling around to face Renley directly. He put up a good fight but his temper finally reached a critical peak and he could no longer keep it in check. He didn't remember the moment he threw his mostly-empty mug. He certainly didn't mean to. But it made a thunderous crack as it sailed past Renley's head and smashed against the stone wall beside him. "Do you have nothing better to do?! Don't you have friends your own age? Charna's Fucking Guts! What the hell do you think this is?"</p><p>"I think I thought your aim was better than that." Said Renley with a halfhearted smirk, gesturing down at the broken mug on the floor.</p><p>"That was a warning shot." Mika growled. "Next one won't miss."</p><p>"There's a flaw in your plan, Sire Ver Leth." Renley answered. And just like that, his voice was soft and smooth once more. Something about the way he said the last three words made Mika's skin crawl. Renley took a slow step forward.</p><p>"And what's that?"</p><p>"I don't see a second mug in your hand. It appears you've used your only ammunition. So why don't you just come back to the party and get another one? This was supposed to be your night. I can't live with myself knowing I ruined it. Please?"</p><p>As quickly as Mika felt his temper rise, it had fizzled back down to a low burn. He no longer had it in him to rain hell upon the irksome young General in front of him.</p><p>"I'm tired. It's been a long trip." Said Mika numbly. "I'm going to bed. I'll forget you bothered me, if you forget I threw an object at your head. Deal?"</p><p>Renley stared down at Mika with that same unreadable look he'd worn earlier after first mentioning Kurda. It was a bit of sadness, a healthy sprinkle of pity, a touch of amusement, and a whole lot of curiosity. And Mika could honestly say no one had ever looked at him in that precise manner before. That alone was disarming. And it was compounded by the fact that Renley was taller than Mika - who was by no means short himself. He wasn't used to anyone gazing down at him, especially not with that many emotions on their face. There they stood for several long moments in that quiet hallway, staring each other down as the air between them simmered with tension.</p><p>"You know, I was in one of the meetings on your first day back after he was exiled - you probably don't even remember."</p><p>"I remember a lot of things about that week. But I guarantee you weren't one of them." Mika shot back rather nastily.</p><p>"Fair enough. But the look in your eyes was just... like nothing I'd ever seen before. And my gods, those eyes..." Renley's voice trailed off.</p><p>"What do you want from me? And I know you want something." Mika repeated, voice sounding hollow and faraway and unfamiliar.</p><p>Renley sighed disconsolately.</p><p>"Not everyone is out to use you, Mika. I'm sorry you feel that way, but your brain is lying to you. I don't want anything, other than to remind you're worth so much more than what Kurda Smahlt reduced you to. You deserve someone who fights at your side, not puts a knife in your back. Who respects who you are, not the power you wield... in case no one else has bothered to tell you."</p><p>"It doesn't matter if that's true or not." Said Mika, voice low and fractured. "It didn't help me then and it doesn't help me now."</p><p>Renley's burning gaze traced up and down Mika's body as he stood silently for a long minute.</p><p>"Gods, look at you." He sighed at last, his voice reduced to a low, almost longing groan. "To think he let you go just like that... Smahlt must've been more fucked in the head than any of us thought."</p><p>Mika didn't mean to let his guard down. Maybe it was the whiskey. Maybe it was the sheer exhaustion from the trip. Maybe it was the overwhelming relief at being home. But when Renley closed the distance between them, there was a split second where Mika knew what was about to happen. Later he'd tell himself it happened so quickly he didn't have time to react. But that wasn't the case. He saw it coming, like a freight train. He could've gotten out of the way. He had time.</p><p>But for a moment, Mika let it happen. Just for that single moment suspended in time, he let the logical centre of his brain power down. Let himself be pushed against the wall and kissed unapologetically as Renley's hands roamed beneath Mika's shirt, down over his body, fingers eventually hooking into his belt loops and roughly pulling Mika's hips into his. For that moment, Kurda didn't exist. The war wasn't real. Mika was free.</p><p>Renley relocated his hands abruptly, with the clear intention of pinning Mika's wrists above his head. Funnily enough, that had always been Mika's own signature move when things were getting hot and heavy - to put it poetically. How odd it felt to be on the receiving end of a bit of dominance. And with that said, he didn't exactly hate it.</p><p>But he'd have to unpack that unfamiliar notion that another time. The aggravation to his damaged shoulder sent a shockwave of pain through Mika's body, ripping him back to reality. A tangible reminder of all the trauma from the past six years that that had cumulated with Mika literally backed into a corner, making out with some promiscuous, overhyped, shit-talking hotshot who might someday amount to HALF of what Kurda Smahlt was. IF he was lucky. And that was a big if.</p><p>Mika winced in pain and Renley recoiled, his face a mask of concern as he stared intently into Mika's face.</p><p>"What's wrong?" He murmured softly.</p><p>Mika shook his head slowly and for a moment there were two Renleys looking back at him. Fuck.. Mika knew he was drunk but he didn't realize just how drunk. One minute he'd been having a great time with great friends, and now... what the fuck even was this?</p><p>"Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?" Renley pressed. His voice was low and deep with worry. His hand lightly brushed up against Mika's cheek but Mika swiftly grabbed him by the wrist and practically threw Renley's own limb back at him.</p><p>"I am NEVER going to fuck you, Renley." Mika snarled decisively through gritted teeth, with all the bone-chilling venom as he could muster. And with the way Renley had been talking about Kurda, he could muster quite a bit. With that, Mika turned on his heel and walked away, leaving Renley slackjawed and red-faced.</p><p>About ten steps away, Mika paused once more. He swung back around to shoot Renley one last glare.</p><p>"By the way, I suggest you keep Kurda Smahlt's name out of your mouth in future. I'll take your advice, though. I think I will return to the party. As you said, it's my night after all. I don't care where you go, as long as you stay out of my way. Good night."</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Now tell me: how did all my dreams turn to nightmares?</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>How did I lose it when I was right there?</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Now I'm so far that it feels like it's all gone to pieces</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Tell me why the world never fights fair</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>I'm trying to find</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Home</em>
  </strong>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you guys don't feel like storming my house with pitchforks but I won't blame you if you do. Just message me first and I'll put the coffee on. But with that said, ironically I hate this chapter a lot less than some of the recent ones? I know it was hard to read for obvious reasons but like??? I thought it was sort of an interesting challenge for Mika that was entirely different than what he's had to deal with so far? I know it was a little chaotic and all over the place but if you've ever had a weird conversation at a party, you get it.</p><p>Also sorry for producing another OC with no purpose besides forcing Mika to confront the things he doesn't want to think about. I just thought it would be a really interesting exchange, but couldn't see a canonical character filling that role. So Renley was born. Maybe he'll be back. Maybe he won't. Who knows? Not me.</p><p>In other news Mika fucking hates me. Next chapter might be up sometime over the weekend? We won't be following canon toooo much longer, because we all know after the beginning of Book 7, Mr. Shan leaves Vampire Mountain forever and everything that happens after that matters very little to me if I'm being brutally honest. But we're sticking with canon as far as the first few chapters of Hunters Of The Dusk goes. So you can probably guess what fresh bullshit Mika gets to deal with next. He's in for just a Tiny bit of a bad day. </p><p>Thanks for going through this with me. As always, feedback is treasured. Every single word fuels my soul. Happy Thanksgiving to any Americans out there - sending all my love, but also hand sanitizer, from Canada! Stay safe friends :)</p><p>- Roxy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. HOME II - To Look The Devil In The Face And Make It Home Safe</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I need the memory<br/>In case this fate is forever, just to be sure these last days are better<br/>And if I have any enemies<br/>To give me the strength to look the devil in the face and make it home safe</p><p>***</p><p>Things you really, really don't want to see when you're hungover: Desmond Fucking Tiny suddenly materializing in your home. At this point Mika's life is basically that TikTok background music that goes "cause you had a bad day! You had a bad day!" on an endless loop. At least he finally has some common ground with Darren.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>We're back! Wow, guys. Thank you for your feedback on the last chapter. Y'all were NOT supposed to like Renley smh I can't believe you. But I'm glad you did! I'm introducing another minor OC to help fill out Vampire Mountain's staff roster in this one. You'll meet him a little more than halfway through. Jai Yang - "Jai" after the first person to leave me a review on fanfic dot net in 2008, and "Yang" after one of the best god damn surgeons ever to grace the screen of Grey's Anatomy. I love adding personal little details like that, just makes it extra special to me.</p><p>I'm actually kind of excited to be posting this one. Which feels good considering I've been so down on myself and this story for the most part. This one covers the chapters of Hunters Of The Dusk, and is the 2nd of a 2-part chunk (which was supposed to be 1 part but got way too long on me). Here we deal with Desmond Fucking Tiny himself. This is another one where I pasted in the canonical dialogue and added my own narration behind it. BUT if you're familiar with the Desmond chapters I'm using here, you'll spot where I strayed from the script a lil bit.</p><p>Alright let's get into it.</p><p>Chapter 12: HOME II - To Look The Devil In The Face And Make It Home Safe</p><p>Song: Home by Machine Gun Kelly</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <strong>Home</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>A place where I can go</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>To take this off my shoulders</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Someone take me home</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>(It's been a long time coming)</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Someone take me</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Home,</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Home, home</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Someone take me</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Home,</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Home, home</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>THE NEXT DAY:</strong>
</p><p>It wasn't the worst hangover Mika had ever endured. It probably wouldn't even have cracked the top ten, if not for... the guest.</p><p>After last night's bizarre encounter with General Azerion, Mika returned to the party and had a damn good time out of pure spite. Then he slept for three hours then got up and headed down to the Hall of Princes as if he hadn't missed a day. He thought he was hallucinating when he saw the door to the slide open and Desmond Tiny himself strutted in like he owned the gods-damned place. Although it occurred to Mika that in a way, he sort of did own the place. And that thought was more than a little unsettling. Darren and Harkat were trailing nervously behind Tiny; Harkat looked even more worried than Mika felt and that was saying something. And Darren was putting on a brave face, glancing down reassuringly at Harkat as they walked side by side. But Darren wasn't yet so hardened that his eyes didn't betray his true emotions.</p><p>Mika had never actually seen Tiny in person before, but he knew Paris, Seba, Larten, and Darren all had. Mika's eyes instinctively landed on Paris, waiting for his ancient mentor to shoot him a subtle, knowing look like he always did when something was going off the rails and they both knew they'd have to handle it. But Paris stared straight ahead, eyes fixed on the squat, yellow-clad man as he waddled his way up the aisle in a sea of discontented muttering. The sudden deathly terror on Paris's face chilled Mika to the bone. It was as if Paris was staring through the doors of hell itself. Mika had never seen him look like that, ever. He felt his stomach churn, and it wasn't the hangover.</p><p>By the teeth of the gods!" Paris croaked. He flinched for a moment, and Mika braced himself to catch Paris if he fainted like he had the day Harkat Mulds delivered Tiny's message at last council. But he held himself together with a quiet resolve that Mika could only dream of possessing, since at this present moment he himself felt liable to either throw up or collapse out of sheer panic.</p><p>"Desmond, it is good to see you." Paris greeted the leering intruder with an attempt at a smile.</p><p>"You too, Paris," Mr. Tiny replied. His eyes gleamed with an unsettling delight, as if he'd just arrived at the party of his life.</p><p>"To what do we owe this unexpected pleasure?" Paris asked. His voice was as steady as ever. No one besides Mika or Seba would have been able to detect the tiny shudder that accompanied the word "pleasure".</p><p>"Wait a minute and I'll tell you," Mr. Tiny answered with a cackle. Mika watched with silent horror as the strange little man made his way up to the throne platform and plunked his round, yellow-clad body down in Darren's throne as if he belonged there. Mika glanced over at the kid; his face had gone pale but he looked as determined as ever. Mika also noticed that Larten's eyes were fixed not on Desmond Tiny, but rather his young apprentice.</p><p>Mr. Tiny turned to face Mika, his sickening smile stretching even wider across his round face.</p><p>"Get the gang in!" he ordered lazily, crooking his finger in a way that made Mika's skin crawl. "I've something to say and it's for everybody's ears."</p><p>Fucking excellent, thought Mika.</p><p>Mika dispatched a couple guards to round up everyone else in the mountain. It didn't take more than five minutes, word of the surprise guest had already started spreading and most of them were already on their way up to the hall.</p><p>Mr. Tiny watched complacently as the hall filed in. Soon the hall was about a quarter-full, which was still a significant amount considering council wasn't in progress.</p><p>"All present and correct?" Mr. Tiny called out at last. There was a general murmur of agreement through the hall, and he stood up from Darren's throne as though about to give a grand speech. "Then I'll come straight to the point. The Lord of the Vampaneze has been blooded."</p><p>The silence that followed those words was deafening. Mika felt a shiver run down his spine as his stomach dropped.</p><p>Twelve hours. I've been home for twelve fucking hours. I couldn't even have one good day. Fuck me. *</p><p>Mr. Tiny wasn't done - not even close.</p><p>"Six hundred years ago, I told your forebears that the Vampaneze Lord would lead the vampaneze into a war against you and wipe you out. That was a truth - but not the truth. The future is both open and closed. There's only one 'will be' but there are often hundreds of 'can be's'. Which means the Vampaneze Lord and his followers can be defeated."</p><p>The room buzzed with a mixture of apprehension and hope.</p><p>"The Vampaneze Lord is only a half-vampaneze at the moment," Mr. Tiny said. "If you find and kill him before he's fully blooded, victory will be yours."</p><p>The atmosphere of the room exploded, shattered by bellows of triumph and delighted. The audience cheered, hugged, pounded each other on the backs, and hollered toasts to the clan and praise to the gods.</p><p>But something was wrong. Mika may not have had prior experience with Desmond Tiny, but he knew better than to think there wasn't another shoe about to drop. The way the strange little man was still smiling wider yet by the second, and the way Paris and Seba's faced were clouded by utter dread. Larten, Darren, and Harkat were exchanging uneasy looks among each other were all dead giveaways. Larten then caught Mika's eye and grimly shook his head, almost imperceptibly but Mika noticed. Then all of them returned their gazes to Mr. Tiny. He was looking around the room with a patient sort of relish. And of course, still smiling.</p><p>It didn't take the general audience long to come to the same conclusion that Mika and the others had. They slowly quieted down, shooting confused glances up at Tiny.</p><p>Mr. Tiny raised his right hand. He clutched his heart-shaped watch with his left hand. The watch glowed a dark red colour, and suddenly his right hand glowed as well. All eyes settled on the five crimson fingers and the Hall went eerily quiet.</p><p>"When the Vampaneze Lord was discovered seven years ago, I studied the strings connecting the present to the future, and saw that there were five chances to avert the course of destiny." Said Mr. Tiny slowly and purposefully. "One of those has already come and gone."</p><p>The red glow faded from his thumb, which he tucked down into his palm. "That chance was Kurda Smahlt."</p><p>Mika's physically felt a piece of his soul break off and die at those words. He didn't think this could get any realer, but it just had. Kurda tried. He tried so hard to do the right thing. He did it the wrong way, but his intentions were never not noble.</p><p>Fear makes people do crazy things. And if there was anything that could've driven someone mad, to the edge of desperation with fear... it was this.</p><p>"If Kurda had succeeded, most vampires would have been absorbed by the vampaneze and the War of the Scars - as you've termed it - would have been averted."</p><p>A ripple of shocked mutters ran through the hall.</p><p>"Kurda fought the the good fight, but the lot of you collectively derailed that rather nicely. What's dear ex-General Smahlt doing these days?" Mr. Tiny added, with a smirk at the three Princes in turn.</p><p>"Kurda was dishonourably exiled for his treachery. We cannot allow a traitor to walk among us. He is no longer part of the vampire clan." Paris clarified meekly.</p><p>"What a shame. Ah well! I suppose if he really is dead to you, then for all intents and purposes I'll not spare him another thought. Although I'll admit, the fact that you sticklers let him leave this mountain with his life... not even I could have predicted that twist of fate!" Mr. Tiny chortled merrily. "It was an creative choice of sentencing coming from you lot, I'll give you that much!"</p><p>"Kurda betrayed us, while preparing to die for us." Mika forced out through gritted teeth. "There was no clear-cut solution."</p><p>Mr. Tiny trained his eyes upon Mika. His expression was as exuberantly joyful as ever. Mika felt every nerve ending of his body stand up and scream desperately for him to run fast and far, far away from here. But he held Tiny's gaze determinedly. Knowing as long as he stood at the front of this ancient hall, he had to be strong for every vampire in it. Even though right now all he wanted was to be one of the vampires sitting in the back row, blending in. Or better yet, not here at all.</p><p>"You must understand-" Mr. Tiny smirked. "-when I placed my bets, there was no version of this where both you AND Smahlt came out of this alive. According to my manuscript, it was only ever going to be one of the other. Any other outcome had such long odds, I'll admit I never even took them into consideration. Ah well! I tip my hat to you for keeping me on my toes! Not an easy feat." He winked nastily.</p><p>"Could Kurda still save us?" Darren spoke up. His face was pale but his voice was loud and strong.</p><p>Tiny flicked his gaze from Mika to Darren in an instant, chuckling.</p><p>"Pffft! Kurda Smahlt is irrelevant, remember? You may have spared him, but you still disowned him. And apparently that means the same thing to you. If you say he's no longer part of the clan, then he's no longer a deciding factor in this war, understand? He could have stopped this, but you called him a pacifist traitor and threw him out into the snow. We are done talking about Smahlt."</p><p>His tone was as jovial as ever but there was an unmissable tone of finality in his voice.</p><p>"Now, where was I? Ah!" He wiggled his glowing little finger and carried on: "This represents your last chance, if all others fail. It will not fall for some time yet - if at all - so we shall ignore it." He tucked the glowing finger down, leaving the three middle fingers standing.</p><p>"Which brings us to my reason for coming. If I left you to your own devices, these chances would slip by unnoticed. You'd carry on as you have been, the windows of opportunity would pass, and before you knew it..." He made a soft popping sound.</p><p>"Within the next twelve months," he said softly but clearly, "there may be three encounters between certain vampires and the Vampaneze Lord - assuming you heed my advice. Three times he will be at your mercy. If you seize one of these chances and kill him, the war will be yours. If you fail, there'll be one final, all-deciding confrontation, upon which the fate of every living vampire will hang." He paused teasingly. "To be honest, I hope it goes down to the wire - I love big, dramatic conclusions!" He turned his back on the Hall and one of his Little People handed him a flask, from which he drank deeply.</p><p>If anyone here needs a drink, it sure as fuck isn't you, Mika thought hatefully as he watched the little man. A chorus of unhappy murmurs echoes through the hall.</p><p>"You have been very generous with your information, Desmond. On behalf of all here, I thank you." Said Paris quietly once Tiny was finished indulging himself.</p><p>"Don't mention it!" Tiny replied contentedly.</p><p>"Will you extend your generosity and tell us which vampires are destined to encounter the Vampaneze Lord?" Paris ventured. Bravely, in Mika's opinion.</p><p>"I will," Mr. Tiny said smugly. "But let me make one thing clear - the encounters will only occur if the vampires choose to hunt the Lord of the Vampaneze. The three I name don't have to accept the challenge of hunting him down, or take responsibility for the future of the vampire clan. But if they don't, you're doomed, for in these three alone lies the ability to change that which is destined to be."</p><p>He scanned the crowd with his strange, soulless eyes. Slowly, deliberately. He seemed to take in every single vampire in the room as though he was reading their very souls. But Mika felt a subtle surge of pride over the fact that not a single one of them cowered under his gaze.</p><p>"Very well." Tiny remarked once he seemed to be sure no one was going to protest. "One of the hunters is absent, so I'll not name him. If the other two head for the cave of Lady Evanna, they'll probably run into him along the way. If not, his chance to play an active part in the future will pass, and it will boil down to that lone pair."</p><p>"And they are...?" Paris inquired apprehensively.</p><p>Mika kept his eyes on Mr. Tiny's face, even though looking at it made him feel sick. He watched as Tiny's gaze landed directly upon Larten and Darren who were standing in the front row. Judging by their faces, they knew exactly what was coming.</p><p>"The hunters must be Larten Crepsley and his assistant, Darren Shan." He declared at last.</p><p>The hall was immediately full of confused mutterings at Tiny's proclamation. The man seemed to relish it, sitting back with his hands folded happily behind his head.</p><p>"Darren, Larten - you don't have to agree to this." Paris croaked abruptly. This does not fall under the definition of "official duty". Nobody will think any less of you if you don't want to go down this road. Mika, do you agree?"</p><p>Mika paused, but only for a moment.</p><p>"Yes, I do. This is an extenuating circumstance if I've ever seen one. However you choose to proceed, you have our full support." Said Mika.</p><p>Larten nodded slowly at Paris and Mika, then turned to face Darren who was looking back up at his mentor. Their faces were unreadable. They seemed to communicate without words. Mika knew Darren wasn't yet capable of telepathy given his half-blooded status. But so much could be said with just a look. When you know someone as well as Larten and Darren, even silent words are unnecessary. Mika knew how true that was; he had the same bond with Paris.</p><p>After several long moments, Larten took a step forward, his eyes locked defiantly upon Desmond Tiny. Mika could have made the argument that in this moment, Larten looked more like Quicksilver than he had during his Quicksilver phase.</p><p>"I relish the chance to hunt down the Vampaneze Lord." Larten said decisively. His voice wasn't especially loud, but it carried clearly into every corner of the vast hall. Darren followed close behind, looking every bit as incorrigibly fierce as his old mentor.</p><p>"Me too." Said Darren. His voice wasn't as loud as Larten's, but it didn't have to be. The room was so quiet you could hear a pin drop.</p><p>"The boy knows how to keep it short," Mr. Tiny murmured, winking at Harkat, who looked nervously at the floor.</p><p>Mika felt a strange feeling rise up inside him. It started as a simmer of indignation and quickly burned hotter and hotter until it became impossible to ignore.</p><p>What about the rest of us?" He snapped before he could stop himself. Beside him, Paris groaned. "I've spent five years hunting for that accursed Lord. I wish to accompany them."</p><p>"Aye! Me too!" Gareth Tarl bellowed raucously. That triggered a cacophony of obstinate retorts opposing Tiny's revelation.</p><p>Mr. Tiny shook his head, as though bored and exasperated with the vampires.</p><p>"Three hunters must seek - no more, no less. Non-vampires may assist them, but if any of their kinsmen tag along, they shall fail." He replied slowly and firmly, as though addressing a room full of children. The note of condescension in his tone threw gasoline on Mika's burning anger.</p><p>"Why should we believe you?" He snarled on pure impulse. "Surely ten stand a better chance than three, and twenty more than ten, and thirty-" Even as the words came tumbling out of his mouth, Mika knew he knew better than this. He was way too judicious, too calculating, too damn intelligent to go mouthing off to Desmond Tiny. Years ago, he wouldn't have let his temper get the better of him. And yet, here the fuck we are.</p><p>Tiny looked Mika dead in the eye, face devoid of any semblance of expression or empathy, and raised his right hand and snapped his fingers in one swift motion. The sound it produced was much, much louder than should have been possible.</p><p>And that was the moment Mika knew beyond a shadow of a doubt - he'd fucked all the way up.</p><p>A deafening crack split the air, seeming to come from above. Every eyeball in the place darted upwards just in time to see the ceiling above them begin to crack open. And Mika experienced a truly unprecedented level of raw terror. And given how the last few years had treated him, that was saying something. He could only watch, paralyzed by panic, as the "unbreakable" walls of the Hall of Princes, the physical shell of his home, began to crumble before his eyes.</p><p>"Would you, who has not seen three centuries, dare to tell me, who measures time in continental drifts, about the mechanisms of fate?" Mr. Tiny growled viciously. Another snap of his fingers, and the cracks in the ceiling widened. Pieces crumbled to the floor, creating a deafening crash. Several vampires screamed in terror. Desmond Tiny's gaze never wavered from Mika.</p><p>"A thousand vampaneze couldn't chip the walls of this Hall, yet I, by clicking my fingers, can bring it tumbling down." He hissed.</p><p>Mika stood frozen to the spot, heart pounding so hard he felt as if his ribs were cracking. In this room he'd always been untouchable. But now the tables hadn't turned, they'd been upended entirely. And suddenly, here in his own domain - Mika was rendered completely powerless.</p><p>Tiny lifted his fingers higher, preparing to snap them a third time.</p><p>
  <em>LC: Mika!</em>
</p><p>The sharp, sudden brush of Larten's conscious against his own, the frantic urgency in that single word was enough to hotwire the piece of Mika's brain that had disengaged.</p><p>"No!" Mika shouted at last, unable to keep the desperation out of his voice as he stared back at Desmond Tiny's cruel face. "I apologize! I didn't mean to offend you!"</p><p>Tiny regarded Mika coldly for a long moment. Then, slowly and deliberately, he finally lowered his hand.</p><p>"Think of this before crossing me again, Mika Ver Leth." He snapped. Mika flinched. Hearing his full name from those lips sent a shiver down his spine. He nodded and looked away from the little man.</p><p>"They'll patch the roof up before we leave," Mr. Tiny said, gesturing at his posse of Little People. "But next time you anger me, I'll reduce this Hall to rubble, leaving you and your precious Stone of Blood to the whim of the vampaneze."</p><p>He paused, and carefully blew some dust off of his heart-shaped watch. When he looked back up at his audience, he was grinning delightedly once again.</p><p>"I take it we're decided - three it shall be?" He inquired innocently, eyes shining.</p><p>"Three." Paris affirmed. He was shaking.</p><p>"Three." Mika echoed numbly.</p><p>"As I said, non-vampires may - indeed, must - play a part, but for the next year no vampire should seek out any of the hunters, unless for reasons which have nothing to do with the search for the Vampaneze Lord. Alone they must stand and alone they must succeed or fail." He proclaimed, then he looked around the room for several moments. His enjoyment of the terror he'd inspired was blatantly obvious.</p><p>"You two are dismissed!" Tiny added brightly, flicking his hand impatiently at Mika and Paris. "In fact, all of you are free to go about your merry business! I need to speak to our noble hunters alone."</p><p>Mika caught Larten's eye for a moment before he turned to leave.</p><p>
  <em>MVL: You alright?</em>
</p><p>Larten raised one eyebrow.</p><p>
  <em>LC: Are any of us?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Touché. Good luck.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Look, I been through so much pain</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>And it's hard to maintain, any smile on my face</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>'Cause there's madness on my brain</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>So I gotta make it back, but my home ain't on the map</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Gotta follow what I'm feeling to discover where it's at</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>I need the (memory)</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>In case this fate is forever, just to be sure these last days are better</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>And if I have any (enemies)</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>To give me the strength to look the devil in the face and make it home safe</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"I suppose we might as well go sit down and try to eat something. There is not a lot else we can do." Seba suggested gently as the door to the Hall of Princes slid shut behind them, leaving Darren, Harkat, and Larten alone with Mr. Tiny.</p><p>"I dare say I've lost my appetite." Paris croaked. "But I am all for sitting down."</p><p>Seba gently squeezed Paris's hand, and the pair of them followed the dejected crowd of vampires that had been dismissed from the hall. Mika trailed along at the back of the pack, moving slowly. The encounter had stripped away every piece of composure he'd spend the last few years determinedly rebuilding. Everything from to the cryptic mentions of Kurda, to the reminder of how effortlessly Desmond Tiny could bring the clan to their knees had sent Mika's mind reeling in a thousand different directions. Left him unsure if he should lie down in a dark room and fall apart, or double down on every effort he'd put into winning the war thus far. And too paralyzed to do either.</p><p>Paris paused, and glanced over his shoulder.</p><p>"Mika, come on." He whispered. "You too."</p><p>Mika nodded slowly and fell into step at Paris's side. Paris reached up and gave Mika's left shoulder a reassuring squeeze, but didn't account for the fact that the shoulder in question still had an entire bullet lodged in it, and Mika gasped sharply in pain.</p><p>"Oh, no!" Paris groaned, distress clouding his face. "I'm so sorry, Mika. I forgot."</p><p>"Forgot he elected to go to a party last night rather than take a trip to the medics." Said Seba with a feeble attempt at a smile.</p><p>"It's okay, Paris. Don't worry about me. Worry about literally anything but me." Said Mika, regarding Paris seriously as he curled his bad limb protectively against his chest, gingerly massaging his upper left arm with his right hand. Amazing what one tiny, carefully place piece of metal could do. Even to the supernaturally enhanced body of a vampire.</p><p>"No excuses, Mika." Paris retorted. His voice was gruff again. "You're going to the medics right now. Either I walk you there, or I give them an executive order to drag you to the infirmary kicking and screaming."</p><p>"Paris..." Mika protested. "Desmond Tiny himself just walked into home and changed everything we know about the war of our lives. My stupid bullet can wait til tomorrow. It's already been there for two and a half months."</p><p>"That does not make it better." Seba muttered in an undertone.</p><p>"You're being willfully ignorant at this point." Paris sighed. "If you won't do it for yourself, do it for me."</p><p>"It is not as if your day can get any worse than it already is... Sire." Seba added smoothly, arching an eyebrow at Mika.</p><p>"He's got you there." Paris added.</p><p>Mika let out a long, low groan of defeat and rolled his eyes.</p><p>"Fine. Let's get it over with."</p><p>Seba carried on to the Hall of Khledon Lurt where he would wait anxiously for Larten and Darren to emerge from their private meeting with Tiny, and Mika and Paris rerouted themselves down to the infirmary.</p><p>Mika did a double-take as he walked into the familiar cavern where he, and just about every other vampire, had logged plenty of hours being patched up over the years.</p><p>"What the fuck happened here?" He inquired abruptly, looking around.</p><p>"Infirmary" had always been a loose term. It was a simple cavern with a few lumpy cots and hammocks, staffed by a handful of medics whose supplies were limited to tourniquets, ointments, and whatever other crude odds and ends they could dig up within the mountain.</p><p>Now the room was almost unrecognizable. The amount of beds had doubled, almost half containing patients, and there were shelves lining the walls that contained a manner of tools and medical supplies that definitely had never come standard for vampire mountain. It was all still very rough-hewn, but it really did look like a makeshift hospital.</p><p>"You've been gone for a long time." Said Paris, shrugging. "I wanted to show you yesterday, but you had your grand party to attend- ah, there he is!" Paris waved at a tall, slender vampire with black hair and wise, dark eyes who had been taking to one of the patients on a cot in the corner. The man nodded back and quickly walked over to where Mika and Paris were standing.</p><p>"Mika, meet Dr. Jai Yang." Said Paris. Jai smiled crisply and greeted Mika with a polite little bow. "Dr. Yang, you've probably gathered this is Sire Ver Leth. He has a history of playing fast and loose with his well-being. I suspect this won't be your first encounter with him." Paris added, arching an eyebrow at Mika.</p><p>Mika rolled his eyes at Paris. Then he nodded in Jai's direction and extended his hand, which Jai shook firmly.</p><p>"It is an honour to meet you, Sire." Said Jai seriously. "Your return to Vampire Mountain sparked great excitement."</p><p>"It was a nice twelve hours before Desmond Tiny showed up. I'm old news now." Mika grunted. "Sorry, I'm not exactly at my best right now. You're a doctor? Did I hear that correctly?"</p><p>"Indeed." Said Jai.</p><p>"Like... a doctor-doctor? Or an above-average medic?"</p><p>"Before he joined the ranks of the vampire clan several decades ago, Dr. Yang was one of the top emergency surgeons in his home country for many years." Said Paris, patting Jai on the shoulder.</p><p>"How does a top surgeon end up working in a place like this?" Mika snorted.</p><p>"He visited Vampire Mountain for last council... and with everything that erm, happened, he generously agreed to stay on full-time as our chief medic." Paris explained.</p><p>"When Quartermaster Nile suggested I take up the mantle of chief medic, I didn't get the impression I had a choice!" Jai laughed ruefully. "I am glad to be here, though. As happy as I am being part of the clan, I always missed practicing medicine after I was blooded. I never anticipated finding a compromise."</p><p>"We are most fortunate to have Dr. Yang on our staff roster." Paris added. He singlehandedly oversees the training of the rest of our medical staff. The way this war is going, we need to preserve as many lives as we can. If someone is seriously injured in the field, Dr. Yang dispatches a team of medics to flit out to the injured party, wherever they are. Sometimes they treat them on site, other times they bring them back here to recover. We can't afford to lose anyone needlessly."</p><p>Mika nodded, taking it all in.</p><p>"So you... perform surgery? In Vampire Mountain?" He commented, trying to keep the skepticism out of his voice.</p><p>"Not quite. With limited resources, I can only do basic procedures. It would be impossible to do here what humans can do in a fully equipped hospital-" Jai began.</p><p>"- But he can do a hell of a lot more than any other medic we've ever had!" Paris declared. "Don't be so humble, Dr. Yang! And stop falling for Mika's distraction tactics. He's got a bullet lodged in his shoulder that needs to come out, but he's being a right pill about it."</p><p>Jai smiled.</p><p>"That, I can do."</p><p>"Do you need me to hold him down for you?" Paris inquired seriously. Mika glared at him.</p><p>"I don't think that will be necessary. A bit of mild anesthetic will suffice." Said Jai. "Feel free to sit down on any of the cots."</p><p>"Anesthetic? Where the fuck does one find anesthetic in the middle of the wilderness?" Mika asked Paris suspiciously as he sat down on the nearest cot.</p><p>"Dr. Yang has his ways." Paris explained with an air of great mystery.</p><p>"Once a month I flit to the hospital I used to work at. I know my way around, and I know where everything is kept. I break in, I fill a large bag with whatever supplies we're running low on, and then I flit back to Vampire Mountain. I'm not proud of stealing, but dozens of vampires are still alive to fight another day because of those supplies." Jai added with a sheepish grin as he returned.</p><p>Mika nodded tiredly. He hadn't even been home a full 24 hours and every moment had felt like a fever dream. First Renley being fucking weird, then Tiny being fucking awful, and now a whole-ass emergency room in Vampire Mountain?</p><p>"I presume the left shoulder is the problem?" Jai inquired, looking critically down at the way Mika was holding it carefully against his body. "Alright, lie down flat. I'm going to sedate you-"</p><p>"That's the best news I've heard in years." Mika commented flatly.</p><p>"Mika!" Paris hissed reproachfully.</p><p>"You won't be entirely unconscious, but you will get very drowsy. And you won't feel a thing when I make a small incision and remove the bullet." Jai continued unconcernedly. "I suspect you won't even need stitches - healing saliva should suffice in this case."</p><p>"Human innovation and vampiric abilities working together! Incredible, isn't it?" Said Paris wistfully as Jai carefully administered the sedative into Mika's upper arm. Within several minutes, Mika felt his entire body relax and his brain wasn't far behind.</p><p>"How are you feeling, Sire?" Jai asked after several minutes.</p><p>Mika blinked slowly and gave Jai a wobbly thumbs up. He heard Paris smirk.</p><p>"I think he's sufficiently... what do the cubs say? Stoned?" Paris observed lightly.</p><p>"Paris... have I ever told you I like your beard?" Mika inquired hazily.</p><p>"I don't believe you have."</p><p>"Well... I like your beard. It matches your hair. Did... did you know that?" Mika added very seriously, reaching up with his un-injured arm in an attempt to pet Paris's long beard. Paris chuckled and gently pushed his arm back down.</p><p>"Thank you, Mika. That is very kind."</p><p>"I'm going to grow a beard."</p><p>"You hate beards."</p><p>"I do?"</p><p>"Remember when you lost a bet with Arrow when you were cubs, and you had to grow one? And you complained about it the entire time?" Said Paris patiently.</p><p>Mika was too loopy to notice, but Jai got a hearty chuckle out of that.</p><p>He remembered very little from the procedure. He felt a dull pressure in his shoulder where Jai was working, and Paris sitting beside him and gently patting his head reassuringly every now and then. Not like Mika needed any reassurance, he felt positively stellar.</p><p>"All done. You'll be sore for a few days but the joint should be back to full mobility in no time." He heard Jai say eventually, his voice sounding echoey and faraway.</p><p>Mika mumbled an attempt at a thank you, but judging by Paris's chuckle of amusement it must not have been very coherent.</p><p>"Mika, I'm going to go check in with Larten and Darren now." Said Paris slowly and clearly, as though talking to a small child. "Stay here and sleep it off. Then come find us when you're ready."</p><p>Mika didn't even try to object, although surely he would have if he had the presence of mind to try. There was a tiny part of him that knew the bullet had been the least of his problems, that the real threats would be there waiting for him when he woke up. But first, he enjoyed four and a half hours of uninterrupted, dreamless slumber</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Now tell me: how did all my dreams turn to nightmares?</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>How did I lose it when I was right there?</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Now I'm so far that it feels like it's all gone to pieces</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Tell me why the world never fights fair</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>I'm trying to find</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Home</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Darren, on the other hand, didn't think he'd ever sleep again. It had never even occurred to him to shy away from the challenge Desmond Tiny laid out. He'd come too far for that - he'd rather die than back down now.</p><p>But for the love of the gods, can't I get a damn break?! He groaned internally as he sat in the Hall of Khledon Lurt with his head in his hands. Larten was up in the Hall of Princes conversing with Paris and Seba. Harkat was off packing. Darren had been given strict orders by Seba to get a hearty meal in his belly before their departure, but he couldn't bring himself to eat a single bite. Every time he tried, his stomach rejected the very notion so by the time Mika wandered in, Darren had made zero progress on the plate Seba had shoved in front of him half an hour ago.</p><p>Darren couldn't quite put his finger on it, but Mika looked slightly off. His eyes were unfocused and he was walking considerably slower than his typically brisk get-out-of-my-way-I-have-things-to-do fashion. He drifted over to Darren's table.</p><p>"Sire Shan." Mika greeted Darren with a wry smile and nod.</p><p>"Sire Ver Leth." Darren echoed tiredly, but not without smiling himself.</p><p>"Tiny give you any other valuable insights?" Mika asked.</p><p>"Not really." Darren replied quietly.</p><p>"Fuck that guy." Said Mika flatly.</p><p>"He's the worst." Darren agreed in a small voice.</p><p>Mika was getting the distinct impression that Desmond Tiny was absolutely the last thing in the world Darren wanted to talk or think about, so Mika didn't question him any further.</p><p>The two Princes sat in silence for several moments. Darren continued pushing his food around his his plate with his fork.</p><p>"Enjoying the view?" Mika remarked.</p><p>"Seba said I need to eat something before we leave... but I'm not really hungry." Said Darren.</p><p>"You should listen to Seba." Mika shrugged. "He's a lot smarter than you. Not trying to be rude - he's smarter than me too."</p><p>That elicited a weak laugh from Darren.</p><p>"I know..." said Darren ruefully. "He's right, I just feel like..." his voice trailed off.</p><p>"Like the world is ending, the sky is falling, your brain is exploding, everything is on fire but somehow you're also drowning, and it's your personal responsibility to carry on like nothing's wrong while you handle everything?" Mika supplied offhandedly. Darren slowly raised his head to meet Mika's gaze, an expression of complete disbelief dawning on him.</p><p>"I- yeah. Exactly that." He croaked.</p><p>Mika couldn't help but exhale a soft breath of laughter at how surprised Darren looked over the fact that Mika had just read him like a book. When Mika was the one who wrote the book.</p><p>"I've been playing this game for a really long time, Darren." Said Mika. "I'm not exaggerating when I say I've been there, done that. Not to get too heartfelt or anything, but I have a pretty good idea of how you're feeling."</p><p>"You?" Darren countered with a healthy amount of skepticism. "No way. Nothing phases you. Just hours ago you told Desmond Tiny off! Right to his face!"</p><p>Mika couldn't keep himself from laughing loudly at that notion.</p><p>"First of all, in case you haven't noticed - life as we know it is going off the rails. I am literally always afraid. Flattered you think otherwise, though." He snorted. "And second, talking back to Tiny was the single stupidest thing I've ever done, Darren. It wasn't brave, or tough. It was ignorant and dangerous."</p><p>Darren made a face.</p><p>"Well... when you say it like that..." he noted grimly.</p><p>"I knew better, but I gave in to an impulse and look what almost happened! My gods, what a mess. Promise me you won't ever be as reckless as I was today." Said Mika seriously.</p><p>Darren peered back at him thoughtfully.</p><p>"I promise to try." He said at last.</p><p>"That's all I can ask for." Mika replied.</p><p>"So, how do you do it?" Darren asked.</p><p>"Do what?"</p><p>"Keep it all together?"</p><p>Mika thought long and hard about that for a minute.</p><p>"With great difficulty." Mika answered matter-of-factly. "And sometimes I don't succeed. It happens to all of us. I don't know if you've noticed, but this job is kind of... really fucking difficult."</p><p>"I've noticed." Said Darren meekly.</p><p>"No one else will tell you this, so I'm going to." Said Mika. "You're allowed to have moments of weakness. You're allowed to break. Although if you do feel the need to lose your shit, I recommend you do so out of the public eye. It'll make your life easier. But even if you slip, the clan will forgive you."</p><p>"Will they?"</p><p>"Of course. You're a Prince for a reason. You don't have to be perfect, but you do have to be exceptional. It took me years to figure out the difference. But I get it now, so I can tell you in advance - that's the deal. It's hard, Darren. Some days you'll hate yourself. You'll want it all to stop. You'll ask the universe why it had to be you. But it won't answer, because it doesn't care. So you'll carry on. And you'll find a way over it, or through it, or whatever. And ultimately what I'm really getting at..." Mika sighed heavily. "...is that you'll be okay."</p><p>Darren was sitting up a little straighter now. The familiar light had returned to his eyes. And that gave Mika some semblance of... well, happiness was too strong a word. Relief, maybe. A dull sense of pride in the fact that he'd managed to leave something, or someone in this case, in better shape than when he'd found it.</p><p>"Thanks, Mika." Said Darren softly.</p><p>"Don't mention it."</p><p>"Really! I appreciate you being so open with me." Darren insisted.</p><p>"Helps that I'm still pretty fucking high." Said Mika with great casualness.</p><p>Darren raised his eyebrows quizzically.</p><p>"I visited the new infirmary. Sort of had a bullet stuck in my shoulder for the past two months." Mika clarified, amused at Darren's baffled expression. "Figured it should come out. Also, Paris said I had to, or else."</p><p>Now Darren was the one smirking.</p><p>"You still let Paris tell you what to do?" He teased.</p><p>"Of course I do. That's Paris Fucking Skyle." Said Mika bluntly.</p><p>"I thought you were Mika Fucking Ver Leth." Darren shot back, his eyes gleaming.</p><p>Mika narrowed his steely eyes and shot a shrewd glare over the table at his young colleague.</p><p>"I thought you were too young to swear. Anyway, are you forgetting the occasion you showed up late and were too polite to tell Larten to get out of your throne and let you sit down? So you just sat on the floor for like ten minutes and he didn't even notice?"</p><p>Darren turned as red as his mentor's cloak.</p><p>"That was five years ago!" He huffed.</p><p>"Still the funniest thing I've seen in this decade. The bar's pretty low, but still." Mika shrugged. "Anyway. That Dr. Yang seems to know what he's doing. He gives good drugs."</p><p>"Ah. That's why you're so... chill." Said Darren, smiling again. "Yeah, Jai took really good care of me when I broke my arm last year. The bone came all the way through the skin but it didn't even heal crooked!" There was a note of pride in his voice.</p><p>"Didn't you just break your arm a few years ago?" Mika asked. "Because I vividly recall picking you up off the floor below the bars and and carrying you up to the-"</p><p>"Yeah, well this time it was the other arm." Said Darren with a grimace.</p><p>"I hope you whatever you were doing was more impressive than the first time it happened." Mika remarked drily, recalling the time Darren tumbled off the bars while showing off trying to impress Gracie. (At least that was Mika's theory).</p><p>"It was, actually. I was finishing my Trials of Initiation if you must know!" Said Darren rather defensively.</p><p>"Right. Sorry. I remember Paris mentioning that in one of his telepathic updates." Said Mika. "What trial was it?"</p><p>Darren grinned.</p><p>"Ironically... it was the Blooded Boars again."</p><p>Mika bit back a smirk.</p><p>"That's irony if I ever heard it. Did Harkat make it through without trying to help this time?"</p><p>"Yes!" Darren affirmed with a soft laugh. "He managed to behave himself for all five."</p><p>Mika reached casually over the table and picked up the knife Darren had abandoned. He used it to skewer a piece of meat from Darren's plate and pop it into his mouth.</p><p>"Ugh. Cold." He grumbled. "How long have you been staring down at this plate?"</p><p>"A while." Darren admitted.</p><p>"Well, it's not going to get any colder." Said Mika decisively. "Tell me about your trials."</p><p>Life can be funny. Darren hadn't felt this anxious since one of his first few nights in Vampire Mountain six years ago. In the hours that followed his first meeting with Paris, Mika, and Arrow. The night they sentenced him to take the trials and prove himself worthy to walk among the clan.</p><p>And he'd found himself in this very room, trying to eat something. Not because he was hungry, but because he knew he needed to. That was the night he he first encountered Gracie Smahlt-Ver Leth. At least, back then she still included Kurda's surname in her identity. Times change - but maybe not that much.</p><p>When Darren thought back to that night, what he remembered most wasn't Gracie's strange backstory, or the fact that she was a pretty girl who happened to be his age. What he remembered most was that, for one shining hour during one of the darkest days of his life, he was able to forget that he was afraid.</p><p>Six years later, the world itself and his role within it couldn't have looked any more different. And it wasn't Gracie sitting across from him rolling her eyes and teasing him in a way that somehow made him feel accepted rather than alienated. Instead, it was Mika.</p><p>But one thing was the same. It was just enough to help his scattered mind re-center. To bring his feet back to solid ground, iust enough so that when their conversation reached a natural end, he was able to hold his head a little higher as he got up from that table to face whatever was coming next.</p><p>And that was everything.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Home</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>A place where I can go</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>To take this off my shoulders</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Someone take me home</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Someone take me</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>I found no cure for the loneliness</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>I found no cure for the sickness</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Nothing here feels like home</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Crowded streets, but I'm all alone</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Life went on. Darren, Harkat, and Larten departed from Vampire Mountain in search of the Vampaneze Lord. Paris left the Hall of Princes to enjoy a well-deserved sleep. And Mika took his first solo shift guarding the Stone of Blood since his return.</p><p>He had to work very hard to talk himself out of ordering Jai to hit him with another dose of Magic Relax Juice though, because by that point the sedative had worn off and his brain had returned to full functionality. Which, on this particular night, seemed to involve running in a circles and screaming incoherently. So maybe "functionality" was too strong a word.</p><p>He tried to get some sleep himself. Wouldn't be the first time he'd taken a throne nap. But every time he closed his eyes he saw Mr. Tiny sneering at him, heard the deafening crack as the Hall of Princes began to crumble.</p><p>Since he clearly wasn't going to get a whole lot else accomplished tonight, he supposed this was a good a time as any to bring Arrow up to speed.</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Hey.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: Hey!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: How've you been?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: Cold, tired, hungry.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: That's unfortunate. I'm home now.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: Since when?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: 24 hours, almost exactly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: How's that?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: They threw me a great party. What have you been up to?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: Interrogated a bunch of Vampaneze last week. Didn't get anything you hadn't already found out. Got to run my sword through their hearts though. Guess every cloud has a silver lining.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Love that for you. Want to hear what I did this morning?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: Always.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: I sort of told Desmond Tiny off.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Mika could practically hear Arrow's brain short-circuit.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: Run that by me one more time? Surely I misunderstood you. How does one SORT OF tell Desmond Tiny off?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: He came to the mountain. Walked right into our hall. Started going on about how we dropped the ball by foiling Kurda's plot and how our only hope is this designated group of hunters that have to go out and find the Vampaneze Lord because he's been blooded and-</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: WHAT?!</em>
</p><p>Mika winced slightly and rubbed his forehead. Even thousands of miles away, Arrow was loud when he was agitated.</p><p>
  <em>MVL: It's a lot to explain like this. You should come home and we'll tell you more about it in person.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: What do you mean? Who are these hunters?!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Let me finish. He said it has to be three people... no more, no less. He named Darren and Larten. But he refused to name the third because he wasn't present.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: HE CAN'T BE FUCKING SERIOUS.</em>
</p><p>Mika sighed.</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Mmmhm. That was essentially what I told him... straight to his face.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: YOU CAN'T BE FUCKING SERIOUS.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Arrow, at this point you should just assume that the entire conversation was pretty fucking serious.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: Charna's Guts, Mika. How could you be so careless? What the hell were you thinking?! He could have killed you just for talking back.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: ...He threatened worse than that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: Do I want to know?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Of course not but I'll tell you anyway. He scolded me like a child and then he snapped his fingers... and the Hall of Princes started cracking.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: Fuck, Mika...</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: He didn't take it any further than that. He just wanted to remind us how easily he can ruin us. It was... the scariest moment of my life.</em>
</p><p>There was a long silence. Their mental link remained active and Mika could feel a slow, dazed sort of panic creeping through from Arrow's end as the reality dawned on him as it had on Mika earlier that day.</p><p>
  <em>A: And... are you okay?</em>
</p><p>Mika couldn't help but laugh out loud to himself as he sat there alone. Staring at the ceiling with tears in his eyes, losing the battle to keep his breathing at a normal rate as panic sank its familiar teeth into him yet again. What an absurd question. He was so far from okay. Nobody was okay. Nobody had been okay in a long time.</p><p>
  <em>MVL: I'm excellent. Truly never been better. Living the dream here.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: It was a serious question, Mika...</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: I have an actual serious question. When are you coming home? We need a new strategy.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: I don't know... There's a lot going on out here. Sort of stuck in a war zone at the moment, you see. I mean, these fucking vampets with their guns?! Fuck sakes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Been shot yet?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: Couple times.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Stings, doesn't it?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: That's putting it lightly. I've been able to get the bullets out so far except for one that's stuck in my ribs somewhere. Didn't bother me much at first but it's starting to really hurt.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Come home, then. The medics can fix you up. They upgraded the entire infirmary while I was gone. They have drugs now.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: As appealing as that sounds, I'll be fine for a while yet. How's Seba? And Paris?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Darren, Harkat, and Larten just left on their glorious quest. Seba's putting on a brave face but I can tell he's beside himself. And Paris is Paris. He's trying to be strong for everyone but he... I don't know.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: He what?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: He just seems... tired. More than usual. I noticed a big difference when I came back. I'm worried about him. He's feeling his age. I know that's to be expected but it doesn't make it easier to watch.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: Is he in good spirits?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Honestly, I don't know. He acts like it, but don't we all? Today when Tiny was here, Paris looked just as scared as I felt. I've never seen him like that before.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: Well, he was there last time Tiny came to the mountain. Gods, I can't believe you talked back to him, Mika... the ONE person in this universe you have no business talking back to.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: He got to me, Arrow. I couldn't help it. He brought Kurda up. It was a bad fucking day, ok?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: I know. I'm sorry. I can't imagine how you all must've felt. I wish I could have been there.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: No, you really don't.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: Well, I wish I was there now.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: I wish you were too. I hate this. I was so glad to be home... and I couldn't even have one fucking day.</em>
</p><p>Mika let out a harsh sob of laughter as he transmitted those words to Arrow and listened to it echo off the walls back at him. It was all he could do at this point. Six centuries had passed since the last time Desmond Tiny showed his face in Vampire Mountain. And he just happened to pop up before Mika even had a chance to unpack. Because of course he did.</p><p>
  <em>A: It's getting late. I don't imagine anyone else is going to tell you, so I will. Go eat something, and get some sleep. Preferably more than your standard three or four hours.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: I forgot how funny you are.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: I'm serious. You know I always know when you're not taking care of yourself.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: You know you've never exactly set the gold standard for self-care either, right?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: I'll check in with you in a couple days. If you need to talk to me before then, I'm here.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Goodnight. Stay safe.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: You as well. Give my best to the others.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: I will.</em>
</p><p>The connection faded, and Mika was alone again.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>(Someone take me)</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Home, ho-o-o-o-me</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Take me home</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Home, home, take me home</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Someone take me</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Home, ho-o-o-o-me</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Someone, someone</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Nothing here feels like home</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Home, home</strong>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Fun fact: I've had the segment of Mika and Arrow's telepathic dialogue written since J U L Y because my writing process is C H A O T I C</p><p>Hope you guys liked that! It's one of my favourites in Bloodline so far. Just to give you a heads up, we may be on chapter 13 already but Bloodline's gonna be way longer than any of the others. And I really can't end it and start a fifth installment. I considered it for like six minutes the other day. </p><p>If you could leave a comment/review on the website itself, that would be amazing. I love your feedback no matter which social media platform it comes in, but on rainy days I like to scroll through the comment page and reassure myself that this probably isn't as much of a trashfire as I sometimes think it is... and it helps to have all of the comments in the same place. Otherwise they get lost in the sands of time on Tumblr or Discord. I know how picky this sounds but it's purely for sentimental reasons guys I swear. I love you and your feedback so fucking much I deadass almost cry sometimes when I think about the fact that THERE ARE PEOPLE STILL READING THIS??? So thank you, thank you, thank you. </p><p>Have a great night! :)</p><p>- Roxy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. I'm Everything They Said I Would Be</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It's not your fault I ruin everything, And it's not your fault I can't be what you need<br/>Baby, angels like you can't fly down hell with me, I'm everything they said I would be</p><p>***</p><p>On this episode of Dirty Chai: Mika finds out Kurda's casually dating and processes that information in a completely healthy manner because he's a grown-ass adult, gods damn it. Paris has a few thoughts about Mika's coping mechanisms, and the whole Kurdapocalypse thing. Come on, Paris. Are we still talking about that? Meanwhile, a few thousand miles away, Kurda receives the worst kind of unexpected visitor. But hey, at least he took his green rain boots off at the door.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It Is A Chapter! And not a totally awful one!</p><p>Chapter 13: I'm Everything They Said I Would Be</p><p>Song: Angels Like You by Miley Cyrus</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <strong>Flowers in hand, waiting for me</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Every word in poetry</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Won't call me by name, only "Baby"</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>The more that you give the less that I</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Need everyone says I look happy</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>When it feels right</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Mika didn't know what was more surreal, the fact that Kurda was in a relationship or the fact that Mika found out through Gracie.</p><p>It was about two months after Mika's return to Vampire Mountain when he found out. He'd had been on the phone with Gracie one night having their weekly catch-up and she mentioned she'd received a letter from him the previous day. They'd been mailing back and forth since Mika delivered that first letter six months ago; and in his most recent update he'd informed her he was casually seeing the owner of the bar he worked at. Nick, or Nolan, or something boring like that.</p><p>"Wait... you didn't know that?" Gracie asked, sounding taken aback.</p><p>"How on earth would I know? He's serving an exile sentence, Gracie." Mika had replied with more snark than he intended. "The only thing we're legally allowed to talk about is you, and I'm just fortunate my position grants me that privilege. I don't get weekly updates on his adventures."</p><p>Mika regretted his chilly tone immediately; it was a far cry from how he normally talked to Gracie. He quickly apologized, and of course she didn't hold a grudge because she was a literal angel.</p><p>"It's really not that crazy, if you think about it." Said Gracie very gently. "It's been almost seven years, Dad. I know that doesn't seem like a lot to you since you're practically immortal, but a lot can happen in that amount of time."</p><p>Mika exhaled defeatedly, and slowly relaxed his death grip on the phone's old steel receiver.</p><p>"Ugh..." he groaned. "You're so much smarter than me, Gracie. Sometimes I think you'd be better at my job than I am."</p><p>"We can test that theory any time you want." She shot back swiftly. They were thousands of miles apart but Mika could tell she was smiling mischievously.</p><p>"Deal. Let's trade." Said Mika. "You take over for me and I'll go sit at your desk and practice human law."</p><p>"You'd be terrible at my job." Gracie laughed. "You wouldn't get to make the rules. You'd end up flipping the judge off and getting disbarred. If you even passed the bar in the first place."</p><p>"I love bars, what are you talking about?"</p><p>"It's a written exam."</p><p>"Ah. So much for that plan."</p><p>"But seriously... have you ever considered, you know... dating again?" Gracie added. "Or whatever the vampire equivalent of that is?"</p><p>"Who's got the time?" Mika snorted.</p><p>"You make the time."</p><p>"Pass. Why the sudden worry?</p><p>"I don't care if you date or not, I just don't want you to be lonely. That's all." Gracie reasoned. Mika didn't miss the note of earnest concern in her voice.</p><p>"Gracie, I'm surrounded by people every second of my life. Being lonely sounds like a vacation."</p><p>"You know what I mean..."</p><p>"Don't you worry about me, alright? If you're happy, I'm happy." Mika replied decisively. Then he paused. "You're happy, right?"</p><p>"Yes. I'm very happy."</p><p>He could hear the smile in her voice again.</p><p>"Good. Then so am I." He replied firmly.</p><p>"Love you, Dad."</p><p>"Love you more, Princess."</p><p>Shortly after, they said their goodbyes. Mika hung up the phone and was abruptly alone with the thought of Kurda emotionally moving on from him. And Mika didn't have the slightest clue of where he should even begin to process that. His logical brain told him he should be at least somewhat happy that Kurda was finding peace in what had surely been a lonely existence. Kurda did an awful thing - he wasn't an awful person.</p><p>It was so complicated for so many reasons. Kurda didn't NOT deserve to be happy. But at the same time there was a sharp, jagged little piece of Mika's heart that was screaming in fury and indignation over the injustice of it all. Exile was supposed to be a punishment, and Kurda was holed up in his cozy cottage with a new fling. Meanwhile Mika had spent his first night back in Vampire Mountain viciously defending Kurda's name from Renley Azerion's jabs, and then proceeded to let himself practically get groped in the hallway by the very same loud mouthed idiot.</p><p>Kurda Smahlt has more honour in his little finger than you have in your whole stupid, chiselled body. Fucking arrogant prick, Mika vividly remembered thinking to himself as he shoved Renley aside and left him standing alone in that empty hallway.</p><p>After everything that happened, how was it still Mika's knee-jerk reaction to stand up for Kurda? He didn't even mean to, the words just materialized without conscious thought or effort. Mika knew he was still in love with Kurda. Not once in almost seven years had he even attempted to convince himself otherwise. It would've been a pointless endeavour, a waste of energy.</p><p>But the night they crossed paths for the first time after all those years apart... Mika was incapable of forgetting the way it felt to hold Kurda's knockout gorgeous body in his arms as they fucked, or made love, or whatever the hell they were doing. Both descriptions were fitting, yet neither did it justice.</p><p>The roller coaster of emotions that night, before and after the sex, were terrifying to say the least. Mika vividly remembered the moment that followed the finale - where there should have been afterglow, instead he felt himself start to spiral into a panic attack. And then Kurda halted it with just a touch of his hand and a few whispered words, as if it was nothing.</p><p>Mika knew he and Kurda could never truly be together again. Not in the way they used to be. But in that moment in Kurda's arms, he'd felt some twisted, bastardized version of hope. Hope for what, he didn't know. But it was hope all the same.</p><p>And now Kurda was with someone else and Mika really didn't know what to do with that information, so he coped by doing the most ill-advised and reckless thing he could manage within the confines of Vampire Mountain and the limited time he could spend outside of the Hall of Princes. He found his way into Renley Azerion's bed. It wasn't difficult, in fact it took minimal effort on Mika's part.</p><p>Renley was tricky to read, and Mika was good at reading people. At first Mika genuinely couldn't tell if Renley had an earnest crush on him, if he just wanted casual sex, or if he thought this would somehow benefit his career. Also, Mika didn't really care which it was. If Renley was in it for self-promotion, it wasn't going to work. Mika didn't feel a shred of emotion when he looked into those dark amber eyes. It was nothing like Kurda. Or even Arra. And to avoid any potential confusion, Mika communicated that clearly from the start.</p><p>After hooking up in Renley's room for the third night, Renley casually suggested using Mika's suite next time. Mika laughed, and then realized Renley was being serious.</p><p>"Access to my room is above your pay grade, General." Mika remarked as he stood up. He watched with satisfaction as Renley stifled a retort, presumably about the fact that Kurda had also been a General. Hell, so had Arra.</p><p>Renley sat upright in his bed and stared up at Mika with an exasperated smile. He didn't sleep in a coffin; instead he had several layers of animal skins and thick blankets laid out neatly on the floor as a makeshift sleeping area. It worked better for their purposes anyway; the average coffin is a little tight for two grown adults. Mika and Kurda only got away with it in the past because Mika's coffin was enormous.</p><p>"Whatever you say. You know you can just spend the night, right? Save your walk of shame for tomorrow." Said Renley, almost hopefully.</p><p>"You'd love that." Mika snorted derisively as he gathered his clothes from the floor and got dressed.</p><p>"I'd do no such thing. When you said no feelings allowed, I took that to heart." Renley shrugged, still smiling. "I'd just enjoy the view, is all."</p><p>"Can't blame you." Said Mika bluntly.</p><p>"I'm glad all that psychological trauma hasn't damaged your self-esteem. Sweet dreams, angel face." Renley smirked. He winked up at Mika, who rolled his eyes and made a fake gagging noise.</p><p>"You're repulsive, you know that?" Mika noted offhandedly as he pulled on his shirt. Then he walked out of the room without a backward glance.</p><p>That was their dynamic. They were both on the same page with their emotions, or lack thereof. Well, Mika occasionally got the impression that Renley felt more than he let on, but Mika had been blatantly honest from the very beginning, so he could be confident the young General wasn't labouring under any false pretences.</p><p>And the best part was that when Mika said he didn't have feelings for Renley, he knew he wasn't lying to himself. Because of Kurda, he knew the difference. Also, there had been a tiny part of him that wanted to feel something for Renley. It had been seven years since Kurda, after all. Renley was smart, attractive, funny, and successful. And Mika would never admit it but he was good in bed. It would've been a good relationship. Maybe not a great love story for the ages, but Mika had already been there done that. Anyway, it was irrelevant because Mika just didn't feel a damn thing.</p><p>What they had was easy, though. It could have been fun, if the circumstances were different. All Mika knew was that he wasn't about to complain about the fact that now he had an outlet for his copious amount of stress. The routine was simple: Work hard. Get laid. Go to bed alone. Wake up. Repeat. The system worked.</p><p>Sex was one thing, it in itself didn't have to be inherently emotional. Mika had plenty of sexual experience before Kurda. But the soft, quiet intimacy that came with sharing a sleeping area was something else entirely. Mika had let his guard down with Kurda completely, in ways he never had with anyone else. Ways he didn't think he was capable of before Kurda unlocked that part of him.</p><p>But locks can be replaced. That was why Mika didn't even blink every time Renley pinned him against the wall and jammed his tongue down his throat. Yet the first (and only) time Renley gently touched his cheek and kissed his forehead, Mika flinched like he'd been burned. Then he viciously informed Renley he'd better re-evaluate his entire life if he wanted to continue this arrangement.</p><p>"Fine." Renley had responded drily. "I'll stick to objectifying you from now on."</p><p>Then a few weeks later, Mika slipped. He'd been awake and working for 48 hours straight, and it had been a hell of a time. A heavy loss had been reported in the field. Medics had been dispatched, and one of them had been killed by a vampet. By the time Mika could leave the Hall of Princes he was so exhausted he could barely see straight. He wasn't sure if his body would even cooperate once he lay down in Renley's bed but he did know he was in dire need of stress release so he made the now-familiar trip to his unlikely friend's cell.</p><p>The next thing Mika knew, he was waking up slowly beneath a pile of soft, warm blankets and there was a thick, strong pair of arms wrapped securely around him. For one split second, he forgot where he was. For the briefest moment of time, he felt nothing but safe and warm. It was just... nice.</p><p>And then rest of his brain woke up, the part that keeps track of all the things he's worried about at any given time. And currently, the fact that he'd fallen asleep in his fuck buddy's bed was topping the list.</p><p>"What the hell, Ren? Did you drug me?!" Mika growled, instantly twisting free so he could roll over and glare at his companion.</p><p>Renley sleepily opened his eyes and stared balefully across at Mika.</p><p>"Yes, Mika. You caught me. I went to the trouble of slipping you an illicit substance. JUST so you'd stay still long enough for me to hold you just one time. My gods, you really are conceited."</p><p>"I can't think of a better explanation as to what I'm still doing here." Mika retorted irritably. Renley sighed and rolled his eyes.</p><p>"Well you came crashing in here at some ungodly hour, we did what we always do, then I waited for you to get up and leave. And I realized you'd fallen asleep." Renley explained patiently.</p><p>Mika cringed.</p><p>"In my arms. All night. Like a baby." Renley added with a self-satisfied grin.</p><p>"Gross." Mika grunted, slowly sitting up and stretching. "How long was I asleep?"</p><p>"Maybe seven hours? I didn't want to wake you. You needed it."</p><p>Renley was lying flat on his back with his arms crossed behind his head, and gazing comfortably up at Mika as though he didn't have a care in the world. Mika shot him a dagger-filled glare.</p><p>"It's not your job to worry about what I need. You're not my mate, or my boyfriend. You're barely even my friend. I wasn't lying when I said I don't have time for-"</p><p>"Don't flatter yourself, honey." Renley interrupted, his voice low and almost sensual. "I just happen to be one of the thousands of lower-class vampires who's survival depends on YOUR ability to function. So yes, I let you sleep in for an hour or two. Fight me."</p><p>"I'll fight you, alright." Said Mika disdainfully, throwing a balled-up sock at Renley's head.</p><p>"Go to work." Renley smirked, throwing it back at him. Then laughed breezily and sat up, then leaned in for a kiss which Mika expertly dodged. Mika got up quickly and went about getting dressed and out the door as quickly as he could.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>I know that you're wrong for me</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Gonna wish we never met on the day I leave</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>I brought you down to your knees</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>'Cause they say that misery loves company</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>It's not your fault I ruin everything</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>And it's not your fault I can't be what you need</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Baby, angels like you can't fly down hell with me</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>I'm everything they said I would be</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>La-la-la</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>I'm everything they said I would be</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Mika was perfectly aware that Paris was observing him with a mixture of concern and amusement as he walked up the aisle of the Hall of Princes to settle into his throne for the day. Paris had just finished a meeting with several vampires. Another would start soon, but for a minute or two it was just Mika and Paris.</p><p>"Sorry I'm late, Paris. Accidentally slept in. Did I miss anything?"</p><p>"Not particularly." Said Paris politely. "And no need to apologize. You've been working so hard lately. I'm sure the extra sleep was very much needed."</p><p>"I do feel better when I manage to get upwards of five hours of sleep." Said Mika wryly. "Imagine that."</p><p>"You've always been clever." Paris chuckled. "I'm sure your secret meetings with General Azerion haven't been hurting your morale either."</p><p>Mika swivelled sharply in his throne to gawk at Paris, eyes wide in shock. And he was not an easy vampire to surprise.</p><p>"You know about Renley?!"</p><p>"Please. It's obvious from the way he looks at you. It's the same way Arrow looks at a rare steak. Although your poker face is quite good, I'll give you that."</p><p>Mika frowned.</p><p>"Unlike when you and Kurda first started carrying on behind the scenes. Don't be so surprised. You know full well I can read you like a book." Paris gently added, with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.</p><p>"You knew about Kurda back then?!" Mika groaned. This was getting better and better.</p><p>"Of course I knew about Kurda. The way you two used look at each other while you argued... Plus no other vampire in this clan would get away with talking back to you the way he did." Said Paris with a smirk. He had a point there.</p><p>"Does anyone else know about Renley?" Mika growled, not wanting to dwell on the past any more than that.</p><p>"I highly doubt it. I just happen to be more observant than the average vampire." Paris reassured him with a kind smile.</p><p>Mika sighed and leaned back in his throne, running his hand discontentedly through his hair. It was getting a little longer than he would have liked, it was on the brink of tickling his shoulders.</p><p>"Oh, don't look so distraught." Said Paris, waving his wrinkled hand impatiently. "You're young and handsome, or so they say. You deserve to have a little fun!"</p><p>"I know." Mika grunted, shooting Paris a reproachful look.</p><p>"Don't look at me like that. I'm not judging you. Do you think I've never done the same thing?" Said Paris, arching his white eyebrows.</p><p>"I think I'd rather not talk to you about my sex life."</p><p>Paris scoffed.</p><p>"Mika, the last thing I want to do is discuss the gritty details of your sex life, believe me. But it does correlate with your overall wellbeing - which I care about very, very much." Said the ancient Prince seriously.</p><p>"I'd say I'm doing as well as can be expected under the circumstances." Mika replied guardedly. "Don't waste your energy worrying about me."</p><p>"Do you have feelings for Renley?" Paris asked quietly after a pause. There was a note of what almost seemed like hopefulness in his voice, and it made Mika feel irrationally bitter.</p><p>"No." Said Mika. "No feelings. We just spend time together... because we can, I guess. Gives me something to think about besides the war, and the prophecy, and Kurda, and everything else."</p><p>Paris nodded understandingly.</p><p>"I wish I had feelings for him." Mika added abruptly. There was a rough edge to his voice that hadn't been there before. "I tell myself he's into me for my power but I think he actually cares about me. He acts like he doesn't, because I've been very clear about keeping it casual. But I can tell. He didn't wake me up today... he let me sleep because he thought I needed it. That's why I'm late. Gods, I fucking wish I felt something for him."</p><p>Paris sat quietly for several moments.</p><p>"Maybe in time? Forgive me for bringing it up for the sake of drawing a comparison, but you and Kurda didn't exactly happen overnight." Paris offered gently. Mika shook his head firmly.</p><p>"Kurda was different from the start." he replied. "I just didn't recognize it at first. It wasn't love back then but it was nothing like anything I'd ever felt. And Renley's no Kurda."</p><p>"Well... maybe you don't need another Kurda." Paris mused.</p><p>"I know I don't need another Kurda."</p><p>The two Princes sat in contemplative silence for several moments. Their meeting would start shortly but for now, they appreciated a rare moment to simply enjoy each other's presence.</p><p>"One thing is certain, there will never be another Kurda. Whether we need one or not." Paris affirmed after a while. His tone was almost mournful; it caught Mika by surprise. "Sometimes I wonder how different things would be if he had been more successful." He added.</p><p>"We'd be dead, Paris. You, me, Arrow. Remember that minor detail?" Mika growled.</p><p>"I mean before that." Said Paris quickly. "If he'd achieved his goals before his investiture. If we'd lived in a world where he didn't have to take such desperate measures."</p><p>"If he'd managed to unite the clans before any of this ever happened?" Mika asked, glancing over at his old mentor in confusion.</p><p>"His failure in that regard wasn't for lack of trying." Paris murmured. "You and I both know that for a fact. The progress he did make was despite all of the forces working against him. Despite us."</p><p>"He wanted too much, too soon." Mika countered. "For better or worse, his goals were too radical to be realistic. I'm not saying he was wrong to want peace, but you have to know your audience. You have to take the clan as they are, not how you want them to be. He never seemed to understand that."</p><p>"He knew what he was doing the whole time." Paris countered ruefully. "If we'd just listened when we had the chance... but none of us wanted to hear what he had to say. I certainly didn't; I was too stuck in my ways. And even at the height of your relationship with him, you never truly took his ambitions seriously. Is that correct?"</p><p>Mika sighed wearily.</p><p>"While we were together, he acted like I was working against him when it came to politics. He thought I was close-minded, when my priority has only ever been keeping the clan safe." Mika explained softly. "I had my concerns, as I told him many times, but was never entirely opposed to unification. I told him he needed to slow down and be realistic, that it would fall into place if he played his cards right. But all he took from that was that I didn't believe in him."</p><p>"You've always been more open-minded than Arrow. Or even me." Said Paris gently. Mika shrugged.</p><p>"There's a right and a wrong way to do things. His desired outcome would have required decades if not centuries of groundwork. And he seemed to want to skip right over that and start - I don't know, inviting them to council or something." Said Mika.</p><p>"He did that. Remember?" Paris snickered.</p><p>And Mika laughed. Truly laughed like he hadn't in years. And Paris joined in, because there was nothing else they could possibly do in that moment. It was all just so ridiculous.</p><p>But all good things must come to an end, and eventually the laughter had run its course. Paris turned in his throne so he could fix Mika with a very pointed gaze. There was something strange in his bright blue eyes, an expression Mika couldn't entirely read.</p><p>"It's taken me years to get here, Mika. But I truly believe we were the ones in the wrong. There. I said it." Paris murmured at last, a district crack in his voice.</p><p>"You mean it was wrong of us to exile Kurda?" Mika asked, raising his eyebrows.</p><p>"I think we went wrong long before that night." Said Paris. "And I don't just mean us Princes. I mean the clan as a whole. Somewhere along the line, we became so stubborn, so resistant, so... arrogant. So caught up in our own definitions of honour and triumph that when Kurda caught wind of a terrifying and legitimate threat against our clan... he knew the only way to save us was by turning on us first."</p><p>Mika said nothing.</p><p>"You're not the only one who's lost countless hours of sleep over this." Paris whispered. "And now I know... he was right. I don't condone his methods but he didn't have a choice. And I believe that with my whole heart."</p><p>"I spent years torturing myself with the question of 'why didn't he tell us?'" Said Mika, his voice breaking. "But I think I've always known. That's why it hurt so much. We wouldn't have been willing to take measures drastic enough to get the job done. If we'd even taken the threat seriously in the first place."</p><p>"You've grown so much since that night, you know that?" Said Paris quietly. "And here I thought you were already in your prime before any of this happened. I was wrong. You have so much more to give."</p><p>"That's where you're wrong." Mika snapped hoarsely. "I have nothing left to give."</p><p>"I am sorry this war has tested you so harshly, Mika. But trust me when I say you haven't even scratched the surface of your true potential." Said Paris in a voice barely above a whisper. There was a tear in his eye. Mika pretended not to notice. "Since Kurda's betrayal, I've seen you fall to despair. And I've seen you rise back up in spite. You've always been smart, but Kurda made you wise. I've seen you be humbled. I've seen you slowly let go of the need to be in control."</p><p>"I didn't exactly have a choice. Look at the shit we've had to deal with." Mika replied stiffly. Paris let out a low chuckle, and reached out to squeeze Mika's shoulder. Mika wished he hadn't; he didn't need to be reminded of the fact that Paris's grip seemed to grow weaker with every passing day.</p><p>"Of course you did. The fact that you never considered the alternative only confirms you're exactly where you're meant to be. Your responsibilities are heavy, but you are strong enough to handle them."</p><p>"I can't remember the last time I handled anything." Mika objected. "These days, life handles me. All I can do is sit there and take it."</p><p>"I know that's how it feels, especially since Desmond's visit. But in case no one's told you lately, you're doing your best. And despite what you tell yourself, your best IS good enough. It always has been. No matter what happens, try to remember that." Said Paris simply.</p><p>Mika felt an unfamiliar twinge in his heart. Had... had anyone ever actually told him that? Surely in almost three hundred years it had to have happened at some point, hadn't it? Right?</p><p>Either way, he didn't have a snippy retort locked and loaded for this one. It was all he could do to keep from falling apart as he looked across at Paris and whispered,</p><p>"Thanks."</p><p>Then there came the sound of guard knocking his staff outside the doors; the Generals had arrived for the meeting. Paris touched the panel on his throne that made the doors slide open to admit them. The meeting began slowly, as meetings tend to do. And Mika felt a little lighter after his one-on-one conversation with Paris. It had been a long time since they'd had a moment to speak to each other so openly.</p><p>Mika had no way of knowing it would be the last one they'd ever have. But Paris knew. And he knew it was better that way.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>I'll put you down slow, love you, goodbye</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Before you let go, just one more time</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Take off your clothes, pretend that it's fine</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>A little more hurt won't kill you</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Tonight my mom says, "You don't look happy"</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Close your eyes</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>262 YEARS AGO:</strong>
</p><p>The dusty tavern on the edge of the city was just starting to liven up for the night. The sun had gone down and the snow was falling heavily outside. That only made it all the more appealing to take a seat inside and get comfortable with a hot meal and a cold drink.</p><p>"Good evening. Do you have any guest rooms available up in the inn for tonight?" Mika addressed the owner of the establishment as he sat down on one of the dusty bar stools and loudly dropped his expensive leather travel bag on the floor beside him.</p><p>"Just the suite we usually reserve for lords and dignitaries. Biggest room in the place." The owner answered, eyeing Mika curiously.</p><p>"Excellent. I'll take it." Said Mika with a curt nod. "But first, your finest cut of steak and a whiskey on ice, please."</p><p>"Rather costly night for such a young lad." The owner snorted. "You best not be playing games with me. It's my busiest night of the week, I don't have time or patience for patrons who's mouths are bigger than their coin purses."</p><p>Mika arched his eyebrows and stared back at the owner with just as much, or more, impatience. He leaned forward to rest his elbow on the bar, and made a fist with his right hand. He lazily propped his chin up on it, making sure his knuckles were directly facing the owner. This had exactly the effect he intended; the man was able to get a good look at the wide golden ring on his right middle finger.</p><p>Every one of Mika's relatives had the same ring. The bands were excessively wide on purpose, so there was no mistaking the family crest etched into the metal. And the owner recognized it right away as Mika knew he would. Power and affluence could speak volumes without saying a word.</p><p>"Ah, a Ver Leth. Which one are you?" The owner inquired. His tone was still offhanded but more polite than before.</p><p>"Does it matter?" Mika retorted wryly.</p><p>"My apologies. Here is your drink. The food will be along shortly, and in the meantime I'll fetch the paperwork to sign you into our dignitary suite."</p><p>"Thank you." Mika replied with a dry smile, a simple nod and just a touch of exasperation, as though he felt this exchange had taken much longer than it should have. The owner nodded back and retreated to the kitchen area.</p><p>Mika then sighed and rested his head in his hands for a moment. He was tired; it's not every day you disown your family and leave your home behind. He'd almost tossed the ring into the pond outside the great Ver Leth castle as he made his exit, but he was glad he hadn't. It had come in very handy just now. He knew he'd have to curb his spending habits after this, he would no longer have access to the family fortune once he ran out of what he currently had. But tonight was the first night of the rest of his life - so he was treating himself.</p><p>He hadn't noticed the other man sitting a few stools away from him until he spoke.</p><p>"What's a Ver Leth?" The man inquired politely. Mika shot him a look that wasn't quite dirty but wasn't overly friendly either. The other man looked to be in his sixties, with a neat grey beard and piercing blue eyes. He met Mika's gaze with an unconcerned smile.</p><p>"You must not be from around here." Mika smirked.</p><p>"You are correct." Said the old man. His eyes were twinkling. "But evidently you are. Something of a local celebrity, are you?"</p><p>Mika laughed harshly.</p><p>"Hah. Not a chance. My family owns the land this tavern is built on. They own half the damned county. And the owner still has to ask which one I am. Typical."</p><p>"Ah. A poor little rich boy, are you? You feel you are worthy of more recognition than you're currently getting?" Queried the older man calmly, raising one eyebrow and continuing to observe Mika with mild interest.</p><p>"It doesn't matter any more." Said Mika bitterly, taking a sip of his whiskey. The dark liquor burned his throat deliciously. "I'm done. I walked out on all of them. I don't want to coast through life on their power and influence. I don't need it. I'll make my own."</p><p>"That sounds very noble. I admire your determination." Said the old man. "But forgive me, but you hardly look old enough to be drinking that whiskey, let alone striking out on your own."</p><p>"I'm old enough to know how the world works." Mika growled. "And I'm old enough to know I'm smarter than all of my brothers put together. And yet they're the ones my father intends to leave in charge of his businesses. He finalized his will today."</p><p>"You don't like your brothers, or your father?"</p><p>"My father is just a man that sometimes lives in our house. I don't know him well enough to say whether I like him or not. And my brothers are arrogant fools who can barely count to ten, let alone successfully manage anything. They'll be bankrupt inside a year if left to their own devices."</p><p>"And you think you'd do better?"</p><p>"I don't think I would. I know I would."</p><p>"If you're as predisposed to success as you think you are, why would your father overlook you in his succession planning? Pardon my curiosity. I have been travelling alone for a long time. There is nothing I enjoy more than a conversation with a fascinating stranger." Said the old man, still smiling.</p><p>"I was born last out of six. No other reason." Mika replied flatly.</p><p>"Surely they intend to leave you something. If they own half the county, I imagine there must be plenty to go around." Said the old man gently.</p><p>"Oh, yes." Mika rolled his eyes. "They didn't forget about me, to my great surprise. I was set to inherit the hunting cabin in the north woods. No land. No business. Just a shack."</p><p>"Perhaps you just need to prove yourself worthy of more. Sounds like your father is a busy man. Perhaps his oversight was unintentional." The old man offered in a way that was much too hopeful coming from a random stranger in a bar.</p><p>"What do you think I've spent half my life trying to do? They don't see me. They don't care." Mika snapped.</p><p>"Forgive me for being bold -" said the old man with a bit of caution to his tone. "- but there is more to life than wealth and material possessions. Have you thought this through? Surely you'll miss your family and they will miss you?"</p><p>"I realize I sound ungrateful to you, but you don't know me or my family. Believe me when I tell you it's not about the money. They watched me walk out and didn't lift a finger. I don't know what I expected, though. My brother's engagement party will have started by now. Why waste time begging me to come home, when they could be celebrating that idiot getting wed to the prettiest and most air-headed woman in the city? At least their priorities are consistent."</p><p>"That's a shame." Said the old man, shaking his head sadly. "Are you certain there is no redemption to be had? A family's love is worth more than any estate. Even if it's complicated."</p><p>"So I'm told." Said Mika coldly. "Not that it's any of your business, but I promise you there's no love lost here. By the time I came along, they were all out of love. If they even had any to begin with. So do not twist my words, old man. I'm not entitled. I'm not materialistic. I just know my worth."</p><p>"I apologize." The old man sighed. "No child deserves to feel unloved. I am sorry you had a painful upbringing."</p><p>Mika laughed again, more harshly than before.</p><p>"Painful? I had a butler when I was ten. I had so many toys and books they filled an entire room. I don't know how it feels to be cold, or hungry. I can't count how many times I sat in the carriage, eating candy and pastries... as we drove past children my age begging for scraps in the streets. I was never mistreated a day in my life. My parents would've had to acknowledge me in order to be cruel to me. And they simply didn't have the time for that. I thought the nanny was my mother til I was four. And they only corrected me after she got sick and died." Mika summarized, not without a healthy measure of bitterness. Then he took a long drink of whiskey.</p><p>The old man watched the young one intently for several moments. He did not speak, he simply sat and processed all of that.</p><p>"So now you intend to distance yourself from all of that luxury, and carve a place for yourself in the world - on your terms." Said the old man.</p><p>"Exactly." Mika affirmed, a fierce gleam in his eye. "And my name will be remembered, long after my brothers have drank and gambled away everything my father and grandfather worked for."</p><p>"An ambitious goal indeed. To succeed because you're worthy of success, not because someone did or didn't choose to hand it to you."</p><p>"I've spent my entire life being looked over and ignored. Never again." Said Mika with rock-solid vindication.</p><p>"So you aspire to a position of great power. To be your own boss, so to speak. And while I'm certain you'd be a natural, I feel it's worth mentioning to you that I happen in the market for an assistant." The old man noted, quirking and eyebrow attentively as he monitored Mika's reaction.</p><p>"An assistant?"</p><p>"Yes. My last one recently outgrew me, I'm afraid. But he did grow to be quite successful after his years of training with me. Not to toot my own horn, but think I did very well with him."</p><p>At that moment, the inn owner returned with the sign-in form for the suite Mika was booking. He nodded up at the owner in thanks, and signed his name distractedly. His focus remained on the soft-spoken and mysterious old man on the bar stool.</p><p>"I was planning on holding out for a something higher-level than someone's apprentice." Mika mused, arching an eyebrow at his unexpected drinking companion. "But I'm open-minded. What line of work are you in?"</p><p>"Well... Mika Ver Leth." Said Paris, glancing casually at the inn's sign-in form where Mika had just written his name along the dotted line. "Why don't you order me a drink with all that family money of yours, and I'll tell you all about myself and what I do."</p><p>Paris hadn't known Mika's first name until that point, the moment he saw it written down. He took a wild guess at the pronunciation. He guessed wrong.</p><p>But Mika didn't correct him. Not once. Not in the almost three centuries they spent joined at the hip did Mika tell Paris of his unintentional error.</p><p>It wasn't that Mika was too polite, or too shy. If you know a single thing about him you know that's never been the case. The reasoning for his silence was simple. One, he'd already been looking for a fresh start - and a fresh identity complimented that rather nicely. And two, he simply thought Paris's version sounded better.</p><p>And the rest was history.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>I know that you're wrong for me</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Gonna wish we never met on the day I leave</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>I brought you down to your knees</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>'Cause they say that misery loves company</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>It's not your fault I ruin everything</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>And it's not your fault I can't be what you need</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Baby, angels like you can't fly down hell with me</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>I'm everything they said I would be</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>PRESENT DAY:</strong>
</p><p>Kurda should have known his time with Nathan had been too good to last. And he was furious with himself for putting himself in this position in the first place, and for putting an innocent human at risk while lying straight to his face.</p><p>They were in bed one night, in Kurda's house. One second it had been perfect. They were making love; wrapped up in each other as the rest of the universe disappeared around them. It had been the best sex they'd had yet. That turned out to be the downfall of the whole damn thing. As Kurda felt his mind, body, and emotions ascending to a place they hadn't been in years, there was a split second where he disconnected from reality entirely. And he didn't remember much, all he knew was that in the heat of the moment it wasn't Nathan's name that slipped from his lips. It was Mika's.</p><p>And seeing as that Kurda told Nathan his ex's name was Mike, which is almost phonetically identical either way, that was more than enough for Nathan to freeze and ask for a little clarification on what the fuck was going on. Kurda instantly realized his error, and panicked. He tried to brush past it by turning up the heat, kissing Nathan more passionately and thrusting his body into Nathan's more forcefully than before.</p><p>But his mistake sent his brain spinning, and he forgot what he normally kept in mind when they had sex: Not only was Nathan not Mika, Nathan was a human. His body physically couldn't withstand what a vampire's could. It had never been a problem, because Kurda was nothing if not perpetually considerate. But Kurda's mind was blank and terrified in that moment. He couldn't remember exactly how it happened; but suddenly Nathan was yelling in pain and Kurda was recoiling in panic but it was too late. He'd forgotten to tone down his natural strength and he'd broken Nathan's wrist and two of his ribs.</p><p>It had been awful. They went to the hospital and spent the night in the ER. Nathan kept saying he knew it was an accident but Kurda was inconsolable. And to add even more pain, his vampiric hearing was able to pick up every word as the doctor in the other room asked Nathan if he was experiencing domestic violence. He heard Nathan deny it, and he heard the disbelief in the doctor's voice as he handed Nathan some paperwork to fill out in case he wanted to press charges.</p><p>That was the moment Kurda knew it had to be over. He spent the day with Nathan making sure he had everything he needed; painkillers, groceries, etcetera. Then he went home to his own house where he screamed into his pillow in self-hatred until he finally fell asleep. When he went to check on Nathan the following day; he ended the relationship and resigned from his job at Nathan's bar, all in half an hour.</p><p>It may have paled in comparison with the way he'd ended things with Mika (good luck finding a worse breakup story than that one) but it was agonizing nonetheless. Kurda didn't leave his house for over a week; embarking on a bender that would have put most Festival of the Undead revellers to shame. He put his body through the wringer, and he told himself he deserved it.</p><p>One of Desmond Tiny's many supernatural powers is the innate ability to know exactly when someone is having a bad day and is in no condition to deal with his particular brand of bullshit. Which is exactly what makes it so much fun for him.</p><p>Kurda had just woken up on his bathroom floor and dragged his weary body to the kitchen. He brewed a mug of coffee even though he hated the stuff. He was officially out of food so he knew he'd have to leave his house today or tomorrow. But first he'd see how coffee served as a meal replacement. It seemed to work for Mika, after all.</p><p>Kurda was sitting on the table with his head buried in his arms when he heard the door swing open. He looked up so quickly his head spun. His first thought was that it was Nathan; it would be just like him to come try to smooth things over. But there was no coming back from this. His second thought was that it could be Mika - it was a weak, childish hope but honestly, his weary body wanted nothing more than to just lay in those strong arms and sob into his chest.</p><p>Nothing in the world could have prepared himself to see a short, round little man in yellow overalls and green rain boots strut through his door, striking terror into his heart. He was just lucky he'd already thrown up earlier that day and had nothing left to come up, otherwise it would've happened.</p><p>"May I come in?" Said Desmond Tiny happily as he kicked his boots off and flexed his horrifying webbed toes.</p><p>"If you must." Kurda choked out.</p><p>"So hospitable." Tiny smirked. He practically skipped over to the table and pulled a chair out for himself to sit in. It made a shrill, scraping sound on the floor that sent shivers down Kurda's spine. "I'll make this quick; there's a pandemic unfolding and I hate to miss too much! Those things always start slow compared to earthquakes or wildfires, but I love all genres of disaster. If you're patient enough, it certainly does get interesting!"</p><p>"Don't miss out on my account." Kurda croaked out, glaring across at the intruder. In this moment, he had no fucks to give about anything. There was nothing this man could do to him that would hurt worse than he was already hurting.</p><p>"Alright, let's dive in! Kurda Smalht, I really can't emphasize enough how much frustration you've caused me." Said Desmond nastily, licking his lips. "Of all the possible future outcomes I could have predicted, you betraying Vampire Mountain but walking away with your life was not on my list."</p><p>"Sorry to be an inconvenience." Kurda replied drily. "For what it's worth, I sincerely regret not being executed. Would have made things much easier for me too."</p><p>"That Sire Ver Leth sure does think he's something special, though." Tiny added, eyes flickering cruelly. "I paid them a visit a while back. Just thought I'd stop and say hi."</p><p>Kurda felt his blood run cold and it must have showed because Tiny's face immediately broke out in an sickly amused grin.</p><p>"Oh, yes. We had a lovely chat. Mika, Paris, good old Larten Crepsley, I've always liked him. Even little Darren. What a marvel that boy is! I don't think dear Mika was too happy when I sat in one of the thrones but he was wise to keep his mouth shut - about that, at least. Didn't hold his tongue for long!"</p><p>Kurda felt his heart rate increase tenfold, and Tiny snickered as though he could hear it. Hell, he probably could.</p><p>"That shouldn't surprise you, though." Tiny continued breezily. "Being given orders clearly never sat well with that man. He's much happier sitting in that big old throne of his, making his inferiors feel small with that obstinate, moody look that's always on his face. He didn't much like when the tables were turned, and he told me as much. I can count on one hand the number of people that have had the nerve to give me sass throughout my incredibly long life."</p><p>"What happened?" Kurda croaked in a voice barely above a whisper.</p><p>"Well, I can't very well tell you the details of our meeting seeing as we're all pretending you're dead!" He chortled, winking at Kurda. "I gave the clan some instructions, and your ex-lover didn't think very much of them, and he told me so." Tiny continued smoothly, obviously relishing in the fact that Kurda had gone white as a sheet and was failing at keeping himself from shaking.</p><p>"I could have slaughtered him for his insolence, right then and there. Made it nice and slow. Tore him apart." Said Desmond softly, still smiling sickly. "In fact, I almost did. What a beautiful example he would have made for the rest of the clan!"</p><p>"If you EVER lay one single finger on Mika..." Kurda interrupted him viciously, hatred and panic drowning out his better judgement. He shot to his feet but the sudden movement had him seeing stars and he had to lean forcefully on the table to keep from collapsing.</p><p>"You'll do what, take a swing at me?" Desmond scoffed dismissively. "By all means, take your best shot! You hardly look strong enough to lift that mug, let alone pick a fight with ME. But don't you worry about Mika. The terror on his face when I started crumbling the Hall of Princes over their heads was more enjoyable. Oh, wipe that angsty frown off your face, blondie! The hall is perfectly fine as are all of your little friends. Well, I don't suppose you still consider each other friends these days. But you know what I mean." He added with an oily laugh.</p><p>"May I ask why you're here, Desmond?" Kurda rasped softly.</p><p>The wicked old man clapped his hands together and cackled.</p><p>"This is just a social visit, Mr. Smahlt! I had to congratulate you in person for throwing a wrench into my plans! You know it's rather difficult to surprise me. I really was sure I'd thought of everything. All my planning... down the drain! And it's all your fault!"</p><p>He gazed back at Kurda with an expression of such intense glee Kurda felt ill.</p><p>"Finish the job, then!" Kurda snarled, so loudly he startled himself. He slammed his fist down on the dusty table and glared daggers across the table at the grinning yellow-clad man. Gone was any softness from his tone. There was nothing left for him to lose. With every syllable his voice picked up more volume until he was shouting at the top of his lungs. "Do what the Princes should've done in the first place! Drive a stake through my heart if it would make you happy! You'd be doing me a fucking favour!"</p><p>Desmond Tiny had stopped smiling by the time Kurda finished. He arched his fluffy white eyebrows and carefully studied Kurda's exhausted face, his sunken eyes, his tangled hair.</p><p>"I feel for the plight you've gotten yourself into. But if you WANT to die that badly, there's no entertainment value in it for me. I apologize, but I cannot help you. If you want to be erased from this world you'll have to do it yourself." He casually informed Kurda at last. Then he slowly pushed his chair back and got up from the table. "Well, my poor disgraced friend... it's time for me to get going. I've got a war to watch. All bets are off now! Could be anybody's race. And I'll have the best seats in the house. Lucky me!"</p><p>"Go fuck yourself, Tiny." Kurda snapped at his retreating back.</p><p>"Nice try! Still not killing you!" Desmond chirped merrily as he paused to turn back around and smile at Kurda once again. "Strong words though, my goodness! I remember how young and wholesome you used to be. Those nasty cusses weren't even in your vocabulary. How the world has hardened you! Or did you just pick the bad language up from Mika? Ah well. Have fun rotting in here. Ta-ta!"</p><p>The door shut behind him. Kurda felt the blood returning to his face as the fiery claws of fear, regret, anger, and self-loathing hooked into him all over again. Burning just as white-hot as they had all those years ago. A throat-tearing scream of anguish came bursting from of his lungs and he flung his half-empty mug at the closed door as hard as he could so he could watch it shatter.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>I know that you're wrong for me</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Gonna wish we never met on the day I leave</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>I brought you down to your knees</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>'Cause they say that misery loves company</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>It's not your fault I ruin everything</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>And it's not your fault I can't be what you need</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Baby, angels like you can't fly down hell with me, oh-oh</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Angels like you can't fly down hell with me</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Okay guys I'm sorry if the Renley/Nathan subplots are throwing you for a loop. Having Mika and Kurda get into anything with anyone else had never been on the table originally, but at one point I realized I didn't love the idea of them sitting thousand of miles away from each other, pining in mutual celibacy. Tbh that felt kind of boring so I "added a little spice" as that TikTok sound goes. Because nothing is ever simple, especially not for these two.</p><p>Also, the tidbit about Paris pronouncing Mika's first name "incorrectly" and it sticking, is a small tribute to the fact that I've knowingly and unapologetically been pronouncing it wrong in my head for over a decade now. If you've never read Darren Shan's old pronunciation guide, the "correct" pronunciation is "Mick-ah". But for me, it's always been "My-ka". Like Mike with an A. (And just to make it more complicated I can also think of a handful of people who pronounce it "Mee-ka").</p><p>So in this canon, his original, human name would be pronounced Shan's way. Paris's pronunciation, the one Mika ultimately chooses to stick with, is the version I use. I'm legally required to tell you you can use whatever pronunciation you like, but My-ka is Dirty Chai canon.</p><p>I had a lot of fun figuring out Mika's origin story. We'll never know where our angsty boi really came from unless DS gets really bored and gets back into prequels, but him having a privileged background felt right to me. Maybe it's just because I headcanon him as a low-key snob idk.</p><p>Welllll I hope you liked this chapter, folks! I think it turned out okay all things considered. But I don't know, so you tell me! Please leave a comment if you have a second to spare, that would make me very happy.</p><p>And the next chapter is going to be Big Sad, so.... sorry. </p><p>As always, thanks for reading!</p><p>- Roxy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. How Dare You? (I Miss You)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It really sinks in, you know, when I see it in stone<br/>Cause you went away, How dare you?<br/>I miss you<br/>They say I'll be OK. But I'm not going to, ever get over you</p><p>***<br/>A legend passes. Mika can't decide what he needs most: a four hour hug, a long vacation, or a few gallons of hard liquor. And all he really wants is to stop having the same conversation again and again, i.e. the one where everyone asks him if he's okay and he proceeds to lie through his teeth about it.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Happy Friday, friends! Don't worry, I'm here to ruin it! :) :) :)</p><p>I'm obligated to tell you this contains a major character death that occurs canonically (but off-screen) in book 8. You all know why we're gathered here today.</p><p>Chapter 14: How Dare You? (I Miss You)</p><p>Song: Over You by Miranda Lambert</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Weather man said it's gonna snow</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>By now I should be used to the cold</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Mid-February shouldn't be so scary</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>It was only December</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>I still remember the presents, the tree, you and me</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Paris was missing.</p><p>Mika knew he was breaking one of the biggest clan rules, leaving the Hall of Princes unattended. But in that moment he didn't care.</p><p>Gracie went missing once. Or, "temporarily misplaced" as Kurda neatly referred to it. She was about two and a half at the time, and had the fastest little feet in Vampire Mountain. Mika and Kurda slept in separate-but-connected bedrooms back then, and Gracie's room was nestled in the middle. Mika had to get up early to go to Mika stuff that day. Kurda was on Gracie duty for the morning. Kurda was fast asleep when, unbeknownst to either of them, Gracie climbed out of her bed and went for a stroll - Mika had left his door slightly ajar. Gracie was at large in the mountain for over an hour. During which time both Mika and Kurda were both absolute nervous wrecks. They found her, of course. Or more accurately, Seba did. Either way it was a bit of a shit show, but they were able to laugh about it after several days.</p><p>Strangely, that's what Mika was thinking about twenty-something years later as he paced the halls of Vampire Mountain, flinging open every door he could find.</p><p>Initially, an hour had ticked by before Paris had been scheduled to show up in the Hall of Princes and take over for Mika so he could get some sleep. And then two hours. No one had reported seeing him anywhere. After three hours, Mika threw the rules out the window and walked decisively out of the Hall, leaving the guards looking anxiously back and forth at one another. Mika broke into a run at the end of the long hallway that led to the Princes chambers and when he finally swung the door open and looked around Paris's cell, his heart sank when he saw it was empty.</p><p>Mika made his way down to the Hall of Perta Vin-Grahl next. Paris was... well, he was old. There was no denying it. Sometimes old people slip and fall. Perhaps he'd gone to take a bath and had a mishap. But if that was the case, why hadn't he reached out telepathically?</p><p>There was a tiny part of Mika that already knew.</p><p>It was the same reason he didn't try to use his mental link to contact Paris. It was why he didn't run straight back to the Stone of Blood and use it to triangulate his location. Instead, he rallied almost every guard in the mountain except for the bare minimum needed at the Hall of Princes, and dispatched a search party.</p><p>A sweep of the shower caves revealed nothing and Mika stalked back to the upper halls, his heart pounding faster with every step. This wasn't possible. Not now.</p><p>When he reached the doors leading up to the Hall of Princes, Seba Nile was standing there with his hands folded and a somber expression on his face.</p><p>"We'll find him, Seba. Don't worry. He can't be far." Mika heard himself say as he drew even with Seba. To his confusion, Seba smiled. It was a soft, sad smile. But a smile just the same.</p><p>"I apologize, Sire Ver Leth. Perhaps my math is wrong, but if you are out here... which Prince is in there?" Seba asked quietly, pointing at the door to the Hall of Princes.</p><p>"Don't worry about the Hall. And don't 'Sire Ver Leth' me." Mika snapped back briskly. "We have to figure out where the hell Paris went. Do you have any ideas? Did he say anything to you last night?"</p><p>"Breathe, Mika." Said Seba. There was an abrupt shift in tone and a profound heaviness in his eyes that truly confirmed what Mika already knew and was trying so hard to deny. "You have not tried contacting him through your mental link yet... have you?"</p><p>"No." Mika admitted, suddenly unable to look at Seba. The old, red-cloaked vampire reached out and put a hand on Mika's shoulder. It occurred to Mika that once upon a time, Seba had been taller than him. That wasn't the case anymore.</p><p>"It's time to try." Said Seba in a voice barely above a whisper. Mika took a deep, steadying breath, closed his eyes, and cautiously reached out to Paris.</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Paris?</em>
</p><p>For the first time in almost three centuries. didn't feel the ancient Prince's mind light up like the starry night sky when they connected.</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Paris? Where are you?</em>
</p><p>He might as well have gone outside and yelled it off the mountain top, because his words disappeared into the void.</p><p>
  <em>MVL: You can't leave me. Not now.</em>
</p><p>And it became impossible to deny the truth any longer. Paris had gone to a place Mika couldn't bring him back from.</p><p>For a moment Mika could do nothing but stare back at Seba, standing frozen in place. He hadn't disassociated from reality like this since the day of Kurda's betrayal almost seven years ago.</p><p>"I am so sorry, Mika." Said Seba quietly. "If you need anything, just tell me and I will help you however I can."</p><p>"He's not gone..." Mika whispered, feeling his throat constrict. "He can't be gone. He can't."</p><p>"It was his time." Seba murmured. "He lived such a glorious life. Few men are lucky enough to have both quality and quantity as he did. He did everything he wanted to do, and more. You can take comfort in that."</p><p>Mika didn't feel comforted at all. But he nodded slowly while forcing himself to keep it together. He'd always known this day would come. And in recent years he'd made an effort to come to terms with the fact that was coming sooner than later. But whether that effort had been successful was another question entirely.</p><p>"Fuck..." Mika sighed shakily. "Okay. We need to find out what happened. Need to find him... his body."</p><p>Seba sighed heavily once again.</p><p>"That will not take long. Have the guards search outside, around the mountain."</p><p>Mika felt a flicker of foreboding.</p><p>"How do you know that? How do you know he's not in here somewhere?"</p><p>Seba shook his head.</p><p>"You know he would never seek his death within the mountain. He knew his time had come, so he sought a noble death by pitting himself against the forces of nature. There was no foul play. Simply the grand finale of a life well-lived." Seba's ancient eyes swam with tears. He reached into his pocket and withdrew a folded piece of paper.</p><p>"Last night he asked me to give this letter to you. Please take a moment to read it, once you are ready. He wrote one for each current Prince. And this one is yours." Seba explained, holding out the paper with a shaking hand.</p><p>Mika took it gingerly, as though afraid it would bite him. The movement felt slow and sluggish, as though drifting through a dream.</p><p>"So... am I understanding this correctly? He just handed all these to you with instructions, but no explanation as to why? Didn't you wonder if he was planning... something?" Mika choked out, feeling his breathing quicken by the second as his throat began to burn painfully. Seba held Mika's gaze determinedly even though there were tears beginning to pool in his eyes.</p><p>"Let us go back into the Hall. You can sit down, read your letter. I will have someone bring you something to drink." Said Seba carefully, as though trying to diffuse a live bomb. Mika shook his head slowly and took a step back.</p><p>"Did you know?" Mika whispered as the chilling truth finally sunk in. "Did you know he was leaving the mountain and never coming back?"</p><p>"Mika, just come back to the Hall and sit with me. Please. We can talk about all of it. He would not want -"</p><p>"DID YOU FUCKING KNOW, SEBA?"</p><p>Seba had never been Mika's mentor, but the old red-cloaked man was just as much a fixture in Mika's life as Paris was. Mika respected and admired Seba as much as his own mentor. Never in his life had he given Seba so much as a dirty look, much less shouted at him with such venom. But Seba's gaze didn't falter.</p><p>"Yes." He sighed with great finality. "I knew. Paris told me exactly what he was intending."</p><p>There it was, the final blow. If not for that crippling shock of betrayal, Mika might've been able to keep some composure. But he felt like he was back at Kurda's trial, knife in his back, every scar ripped open all over again, every nerve exposed.</p><p>"So you knew he was going to end his life... he specifically told you what he was going to do... and you didn't do anything?" Mika croaked out, not entirely succeeding in keeping his voice steady. Seba looked deeply distraught.</p><p>"It is the vampire way. You know that. He did not want to weaken and die here in this mountain, he wanted to face death honourably. On his feet and unafraid, like the strong, noble man he was. You should be proud of him." Seba whispered forlornly.</p><p>Mika felt something snap deep inside him upon hearing those words. He knew in his heart Seba wasn't the one in the wrong, but he didn't care.</p><p>"Don't you dare tell me what I should be feeling!" He snarled at Seba. The words came flying out of his mouth, burning like acid. "You... you just let him die! How could you let him leave? Did you even try to change his mind? You should have told me the second you knew he was planning this! I would've stopped him!"</p><p>Seba's eyes went wide with shock and hurt at Mika's words.</p><p>"It is not like that, and you know it!" Seba groaned weakly. "You are not thinking rationally. You are too close to the situation. If this was any other vampire-"</p><p>"BUT IT WASN'T! IT WASN'T ANY OTHER FUCKING VAMPIRE!" Mika roared. Several of the guards flinched. "IT WAS PARIS! HE WAS YOUR HUSBAND!"</p><p>"Mika, please..." Seba whispered. "Just sit down with me. I am not your enemy."</p><p>Mika and Seba stared at each other for a moment, both breathing heavily as harsh, angry grief blazed in Mika's eyes.</p><p>"I didn't even get a chance..." Mika panted. He felt his body starting to go numb, limbs tingling, room spinning, heart racing. "I couldn't... He didn't even say goodbye."</p><p>"I am so sorry." Said Seba desperately. "Let me help you through this. Please." He took a step forward and reached his hand out to Mika, as though offering food to a wounded animal. But like a wounded animal, Mika lashed out, swatting Seba's hand away before retreating.</p><p>"No, do not..." Seba begged as Mika slammed his palm into the panel that opened the doors to the Hall of Princes. "Mika, stop. He would not want this."</p><p>Mika had no words left for Seba. He fixed him with final look of despair that visibly broke the old man's heart, before walking through the doors and closing them again. And because there were no other Princes in the mountain to open the doors, nobody could follow him.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>But you went away</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>How dare you?</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>I miss you</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>They say I'll be OK</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>But I'm not going to ever get over you</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>247 YEARS AGO:</strong>
</p><p>"Well, boys. This is it!" Paris declared with a warm chuckle as he opened the doors and admitted his two young apprentices into the legendary Hall of Princes. "This is where it all happens. Welcome to my office, so to speak."</p><p>"How much important stuff can really happen in one room?" Arrow asked, almost skeptically. "If being a Prince means sitting in the same chair all night every night, that doesn't sound like a promotion to me."</p><p>Paris scowled and quickly cuffed him upside the head.</p><p>"Show some respect, cub. You cannot even comprehend the amount of history this room holds." The Prince snapped. "What do you think, Mika?"</p><p>Mika had barely heard the salty exchange between his mentor and his co-apprentice. He was staring around in pure wonder. He'd never felt anything like this before, and he couldn't explain it. But the second he walked through those doors he felt like he was home. Like every nerve in his body, every synapse in his brain had been pre-wired for the first moment he stepped into this room. This was it, this was everything.</p><p>"I'll admit it's impressive." Said Mika calmly. Even back then he was selective about which emotions he chose to share with the world. "Your stories almost did it justice, Paris."</p><p>"As long as we're in this room, that's Sire Skyle to you." Said Paris sternly as he climbed the stairs to the throne platform. Mika arched an eyebrow skeptically and Paris winked. Arrow rolled his eyes.</p><p>"Ah, Paris! Welcome back." Called the other Prince in the hall, Lare Shment.</p><p>"Good to see you, Lare!" Paris boomed, shaking his hand before sitting down in his throne. "You look well. I must introduce you to my apprentices-"</p><p>"Wait, don't tell me. Let me guess." Said Lare with a cheeky grin. "This must be Arrow..." He pointed at Mika. "And this must be Mika!" He pointed at Arrow. Then Lare and Paris both let out great roars of laughter. It was funny (to them) because Arrow's signature tattoos were fully visible. Arrow glared reproachfully at his mentor.</p><p>Paris and Lare quickly became consumed by getting each other caught up to speed on all the adventures they'd had since they last saw each other, so Mika and Arrow wandered over to the first row of wooden pews and took a seat. It looked like Paris would be preoccupied for a while.</p><p>"How long do you think we'll have to stay here?" Arrow asked Mika in a low grumble.</p><p>"However long it takes for Paris to cover a decade worth of reminiscing." Said Mika with a shrug. "Don't worry, I'm sure he'll be hungry from the journey too. It won't be long until we go get something to eat."</p><p>"I don't mean how long we'll spend in this room!" Arrow groaned in loud exasperation. "I mean mountain itself! Council may only last a short while, but Paris looks like he's ready to settle in for the long haul. I don't think I can live cooped up in here. I'll go stir-crazy!"</p><p>"A, did you listen to a single word Paris said on the way here?" Mika chided him impatiently. "This is where it all happens! This is where every Prince and General in history has trained! Don't you get that? Don't you want to be something someday?"</p><p>"What I don't want is to live in a rock!" Arrow practically whined. "I want to travel, see the world. Test myself against real challenges, not indoor training simulations!"</p><p>"Gods, you're still so feral." Said Mika, rolling his eyes.</p><p>"You're still a right snob." Arrow retorted swiftly.</p><p>Mika cuffed Arrow upside the head but there wasn't any real force behind it. They both chuckled quietly to themselves while Paris and Lare chatted. Arrow rambled on and on about all the adventures he wanted to go on once they left the mountain. How he was excited to test himself at Festival of the Undead but once that was over, he didn't care to stay a single minute longer. Mika nodded dutifully while his gaze wandered around this mystifying room. And he knew he wanted a piece of it. But it was more than a want, more than a goal. It was like destiny itself had whispered in his ear -</p><p>"That'll be you up there someday."</p><p>And Mika never doubted it for a second.</p><p>
  <strong>PRESENT DAY:</strong>
</p><p>All he could think about now was that first-time feeling all those years ago. Time stopped and the world stood still as Mika sat alone in the Hall of Princes, barricaded away from the rest of the world. No one on earth could bother him as long as those doors were shut. At least until Arrow, Vancha, or Darren arrived at the mountain.</p><p>Mika dimly recalled the a time in his life when he could roll with the punches, when he could put on his game face, stay strong and push through the pain in dire times like this. Not anymore. Not since the war.</p><p>Out of habit, he moved up the aisle towards the throne platform but he stopped at the first row of pews. He stared, not at his own throne but at Paris's. The realization that never again would he see Paris sitting up there dropped on him like a ton of bricks and suddenly felt dizzy. He slowly sat down on the pew, still staring at that empty throne and trying to steady his breathing with very limited success.</p><p>"Fuck..." he moaned out loud to the empty room. Just when he didn't think he could take any more, destiny threw another punch. The first year after Kurda's exile had a blur of sleepless nights, trying not to break down, breaking down anyway, drinking too much, panic attacks, and fighting to keep his private hell a secret from the rest of the clan.</p><p>Over the years he'd he started to heal. Somewhere out in the world, far away from Vampire Mountain, he found purpose again. He felt alive again. He remembered why he did what he did, and that nobody could do it like he could. He remembered who the hell he was. Even last year when he'd found himself in Kurda's house, and subsequently Kurda's bed, he still made it through without entirely falling apart. And he was proud of that. So when he came back to Vampire Mountain after those five years in the field, he could once again sit down on his throne, look across this great room, give his trauma the finger, and think, "Fuck you, I'm Mika Ver Leth". He'd almost reached the point where he could be proud of how far he'd come.</p><p>But now, Paris was gone and so was the glue that held those broken pieces together. He wanted to cry, to scream loudly enough that Paris could hear him, wherever the hell he was now. But he couldn't even breathe enough to do either of those things, his lungs felt like they were collapsing into themselves and his heart was hammering so quickly it hurt.</p><p>In this panicked, desperate moment of weakness he longed for Kurda. What he'd give to melt into those arms like he used to when it all became too much. To feel those familiar hands running through his hair in the way that never failed to bring him back to solid ground. It was all he could do not to reach out through their mental link to seek out even a single word of comfort. To prevent himself from doing that, he reached instead for Arrow.</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Where are you?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: Somewhere in northern Scotland I think. Not sure.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: You need to come home.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: What happened?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Paris is gone. Dead.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: Oh, gods. Shit. Fuck. What happened?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: He... he took it into his own hands. Went out alone. Don't know what happened after that. They're looking for his body now. But he's gone.</em>
</p><p>Their mental link went silent for several minutes.</p><p>
  <em>A: Are you okay?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: I'm fine. Can you just come home?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: You're a dirty liar. Of course I'll come but I'm in the middle of something. Give me a week or so. I'll flit back as soon as I can.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: A week? Paris just fucking died, Arrow.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: I heard you. I can't afford to sit and grieve right now. We're tracking a vampaneze squadron but they outnumber us bad. One wrong move and we're fucked. Lost a man last month. I'll feel my feelings later. Right now I need to keep the others safe.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Sorry. Didn't mean to distract you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: No. Glad you told me. I'll see you really soon. Just take care of Seba. He'll be struggling too.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Come back in one piece.</em>
</p><p>Mika severed their mental connection abruptly at the mention of Seba as waves of intermingling frustration and resentment wracked his body like torture by electroshock.</p><p>First, Seba had simply let Paris wander out of the mountain with the full knowledge of what was going to happen and hadn't done a single thing about it. His husband. The love of his fucking life. The man he'd stood up with in front of over a hundred guests and literally MARRIED. Not mated. MARRIED, in the ceremony that had originally been intended for Mika and Arra. (Gods, THAT felt like a fever dream from several lifetimes ago now).</p><p>And now Arrow's audacity! Arrow knew everything Mika knew and his reaction was to simply carry on. How dare he not recklessly abandon the task at hand to flit back here? How dare he plan to "feel his feelings later" as if the threads holding their universe together hadn't just been ripped apart? Sure, he probably was doing something important but what in the ever-loving fuck could be more important than this?</p><p>And Paris.</p><p>Paris Skyle, a pseudo-father figure to Mika, Arrow, and Vancha alike. It wasn't a coincidence they'd all joined him up on the thrones, one by one. He was simply such a fucking legend, it was contagious. No matter how respected the other Princes were, there was no doubt as to who was the true backbone of the clan. Their rock, their North Star. It was always Paris. He was the one Mika looked to when things were going wrong. As qualified as Mika was in his role as a Vampire Prince, not for a second did he labour under the delusion that he was even half of what Paris was. And he was more than fine with that. He simply felt honoured to exist in his ancient mentor's presence.</p><p>Undoubtedly the last decade hadn't been the pinnacle of Mika's career. He'd stumbled countless times, but no matter how bad it got Paris had been there every time. Whether with a swift scolding to put him in his place when he needed to be humbled, or a quiet word of encouragement when he felt like he couldn't carry on.</p><p>Mika was sixteen when he met Paris, and he was closing in on 280 now. Paris had been his one and only constant. Not even Arrow had been there the entire time. It was Paris who was there to bear witness to all of the best and worst moments of Mika's life, and everything else in between.</p><p>And he hadn't even said goodbye.</p><p>Mika looked down at the folded, crumpled piece of paper. Part of him wanted to read it. Part of him resented Paris for quite literally ducking out to go die with no warning. But mostly, he was acutely aware of the fact that once he read that letter, that was it. There were no more words of wisdom left. No hidden gems that Paris was holding out on.</p><p>He found himself walking shakily up the stairs to the throne platform, behind the Stone of Blood where he kept the old phone he used to keep in touch with Gracie. Paris had given it to him years ago so he'd always have a way to reach her when she was outside of the mountain. He truly didn't know what he would have done without it. His hand shook as he slowly dialled Gracie's number - the only number in the world he'd ever needed to know.</p><p>She picked up on the first ring. He heard rap music thumping softly in the background and a low humming noise. She was driving her car, her phone connected to the hands-free speaker thing that baffled and intrigued Mika to no end every time he visited her.</p><p>"Hey, Dad!" She answered breezily, her voice light as summer rain.</p><p>"Hey, Princess." Mika greeted her quietly, hating how gravelly his own voice sounded. She didn't answer for a moment, and he heard the volume of the music decrease.</p><p>"You don't sound so good, you okay?" She asked.</p><p>"I'm... I'm having a bit of a day, if I'm being honest." He croaked, trying so hard to keep his tone light.</p><p>"What's wrong?! Did something happen in the war?"</p><p>"No, nothing like that."</p><p>Mika slowly sat down on the floor with his back against the wall.</p><p>"Alright, I'm pulling into a parking lot... hang on... okay, tell me what's going on."</p><p>The music stopped entirely and so did the hum of the car. Mika took as deep a breath as he could considering his lungs felt like they were shrivelling up. Gracie's voice on the other end was the only thing holding him together.</p><p>"Paris passed away today." Mika whispered. He heard her gasp softly, over a thousand miles away.</p><p>For a minute she didn't say anything. He could hear her sobbing quietly, and a sniffle every now and then. A gentle tearing noise as she pulled Kleenex from the neat little cardboard box she kept in the centre console of her car. Mika had sat in the passenger seat of that car more than once in the middle of the night as the two of them ate fast food and messily worked through their feelings about Kurda, which happened pretty much every time they visited each other. So yes, he remembered exactly where she kept the Kleenex box.</p><p>"I'm so sorry to spring that on you." He added. "It just happened. We didn't see it coming... I can't believe it."</p><p>"What happened to him?" She choked out.</p><p>"He... he left the mountain. Went outside to seek an honourable death in the wilderness. That's all I know right now."</p><p>"You fucking vampires and your fucking honour!" She sobbed, suddenly sounding angry.</p><p>One of the many mannerisms she'd picked up from Mika was the deft stream of cuss words that peppered her speech when she was upset or agitated. Kurda wasn't exactly around to chide her about watching her language these days. And Mika had never picked that particular battle with her; it would have been rather hypocritical of him considering "fuck" was his emotional support word.</p><p>"It's what he wanted, Gracie." Said Mika gently. "I'm having a hard time with it too, but he had a great life, and-"</p><p>"You'd better not do that, don't you ever... leave... on purpose. Ever." She cut him off abruptly, venom in her voice.</p><p>"I'd never do that." Mika whispered in dismay. "I will never leave you. I promise."</p><p>But Mika knew the reality of it all. As much as he tried to ignore it, he couldn't stop it from eating away at him. Especially now. By the time Mika was old enough to consider making an "exit" as Paris had, gods willing he lived that long, she would be...</p><p>Well, she was a human. And he was a vampire.</p><p>There were a thousand reasons Mika was glad Gracie was still entirely human. She was safe, comfortable, and content in the life she'd made herself. And that made Mika extremely happy. But he really had to be careful not to let himself think about the fact that there would come a day when she'd be gone from this earth and he'd still be here, barely looking older than the day he'd adopted her. And that notion absolutely fucked him up more than he could ever put into words.</p><p>"Are you okay?" She asked, just as Arrow had. It wouldn't be the last time Mika would heart those words in the near future. And as she said those words, Mika heard Kurda's influence in her voice rather than his own. That note of soft concern that was comforting - yet underlined with a quiet determination that made it clear she'd know if he lied.</p><p>But being the stubborn prick he was, Mika tried anyway.</p><p>"Don't worry about me, Gracie. It's a tough day but I'm fine. I just wanted you to know what happened-"</p><p>"You sound about as fine as you were when you showed up at my school to tell me my other dad committed domestic terrorism."</p><p>Mika flinched. He knew he should have known better than to try to get away with that.</p><p>The silence between them was so absolute, for a moment he thought she'd hung up. Then he finally heard another muffled ripping sound as she went for the Kleenexes again, and a rattling slurp as she presumably finished whatever beverage she had in the cup holder. Knowing her, probably Starbucks.</p><p>"Okay. You caught me. I yelled at Seba. I locked myself in the Hall of Princes. I have a letter from Paris in my hands... and I can't even bring myself to open it." He told her hollowly. "So... not fine."</p><p>"Why don't you want to read the letter?" She ventured, empathy having returned to her voice.</p><p>"Because once it's over, it's over. That's all I have left of him. And I don't know if I can handle that."</p><p>She sighed.</p><p>"If you can't read it for yourself, read it to me."</p><p>"That's the same thing, Gracie." Mika croaked, his voice breaking.</p><p>"Dad, I haven't seen him in over five years. I know you didn't get to say goodbye to him either, but at least you were there for his last days. I loved him too, you know."</p><p>Mika inhaled slowly, and let it out even more slowly.</p><p>"I know you did." He murmured at last. "And he loved you too. Gods, he was so pissed when Kurda and I brought you home. He thought we'd just made a huge mistake. Said he'd never been so disappointed in me in all my life. I'll never forget how stupid I felt standing there next to Kurda as Paris ripped a strip off me. As if I was a cub again. You were there too, Uncle Arrow was holding you while I was busy being yelled at."</p><p>He heard a hoarse chuckle on the other end of the line and he could just tell she was rolling her eyes.</p><p>"Wow. Great story, Dad. Inspirational."</p><p>"I'm not done. Paris barely spoke to me for weeks after that. But I didn't care, because I knew he'd come around. Then one day, I was sitting in the Hall of Princes, it was just Paris and I. And you. You were sitting in my lap as Paris and I went over a list of protocols for a new General training program or something... and you kept slapping the arm rests of my throne. At first I had no idea what the hell you were doing. Then I realized you were copying what you'd seen me do a million times - you were trying to open the Hall doors."</p><p>Now his voice was shaking again, but this time with laughter rather than grief as he remembered the determination in her tiny little eyes.</p><p>"No way!" Gracie exclaimed, and Mika's heart lightened as he heard the smile in her voice.</p><p>"Yeah. You were so smart. Paris was still pissed at me at that point but we had a lot of material to cover so we kept working away at it. He just pretended you weren't there." Mika continued. "Anyway, I was painfully aware of the fact that I was on his shit list, so I kept my head down and kept working, and tried not to let you distract me too much. And let me tell you, that wasn't easy."</p><p>"I can just picture it." Gracie snorted in amusement.</p><p>"I didn't mind, though. You basically owned my soul at that point." Said Mika fairly. "And then... I hear the doors open. Which was strange because Arrow had gone to bed and the guards hadn't announced anyone was coming in. So I looked up from my paperwork... and I couldn't believe it. Paris was making the doors open and close, every time you touched the armrest trying to do it yourself. So you'd think you were doing magic all by yourself."</p><p>"You've never told me that story." Gracie whispered, for a moment sounding like the wonderstruck little girl she'd once been.</p><p>For a moment, Mika got lost in the memory. How beautifully simple life had been back then, when his biggest challenge had been getting through a diaper change without gagging, or worse. It hadn't taken long to master it, but the first few weeks had been gruelling.</p><p>"I wasn't surprised that he was warming up to you... it was only a matter of time. But still a relief." Said Mika ruefully. "So I looked at you and said, 'Gracie, do you mind if Papa Paris holds you for a few minutes?' That was the first time he heard himself called "Papa Paris" - I made it up on the spot. And I could just see him start to smile out of the corner of my eye. And you answered me in baby jibberish, and I replied as if I knew exactly what you were saying, like I always did."</p><p>"I do vaguely remember how you used to talk to me like a little adult." Gracie laughed.</p><p>"I've always hated baby talk." Mika admitted, shrugging and smiling even though she couldn't see him. "It worked in your favour though, look how smart you are now."</p><p>"Sure. Go ahead and take full credit for that." Said Gracie drily.</p><p>"That's the plan. Anyway, I picked you up and set you in Paris's lap before he could protest. You looked at him, and he looked at you. You reached up and tried to yank out his beard... and it was game over for him. He was in love."</p><p>"Typical. I wish I had a picture of that."</p><p>"Gods, me too. Then while he was holding you, Paris looked over and asked me - with a completely straight face - whether your last name was going to be Smahlt or Ver Leth. And I told him it didn't matter, seeing as we'd be shipping you off to an orphanage any day now." Mika recounted matter-of-factly while Gracie laughed.</p><p>"Yeah, right." She snorted.</p><p>"Exactly. I knew perfectly well you weren't going anywhere, but the look on Paris's face..." Mika continued, still smiling weakly. "Then he told me not to be too hasty, and that we should make sure to do a lot of research before sending you anywhere, and so on. But I knew he already knew, just like I did. You were part of our family."</p><p>"I was lucky to know him." Said Gracie seriously. "I wish I'd gotten to see him one last time."</p><p>"He missed you after you stopped spending summers in the mountain. I never saw him smile as much as he did when we'd hear the phone ring and I'd let him get there first, because I knew he wanted to hear to hear your voice just as much as I did."</p><p>"Fuck... I should have called more. I've just been so busy with work, and I know it's always busy there with the war going on and everything's chaos for you all the time..." For the first time, she began to sound as erratic as Mika felt inside.</p><p>"Gracie, it's okay." Said Mika softly. "Don't do that to yourself."</p><p>"-but now he's just gone, with no warning! And I just... I... why didn't I call more?"</p><p>She broke down sobbing again and Mika's heart ached at the sound. His own pain ceased to exist the second he was confronted with hers, he would have given anything to take it from her so he could carry it himself. Or at the very least, just give her a fucking hug. The distance between them was torture.</p><p>"I'm going to read the letter." He murmured at last, having to fight to get the words out. She abruptly fell silent.</p><p>"I thought you didn't want..." she sniffled. "You said you couldn't..."</p><p>"I have to do it eventually. And there's no one I'd rather share it with." Said Mika evenly.</p><p>She took a few steadying breaths to prepare herself, while Mika did the same.</p><p>"Alright. Let's do it." She whispered at last.</p><p>So with shaking hands, he slowly unfolded the paper and began to read out loud:</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"Mika:</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>If you're reading this, it means I have gone somewhere you cannot follow me. At least, not for many centuries. Let me start by saying, I am so sorry for how much my sudden departure will hurt you. Decades ago, when I used to imagine how my final days on this earth would be, I thought about how we would drink together, re-tell old stories and toast a life that was far too long but more fun than I care to admit. But then there came the war. Perhaps it would have been easier on all of you if made my grand exit a decade ago when things were running more smoothly."</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"Vampires..." Gracie muttered disdainfully. Mika hummed in agreement and carried on:</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"But now... I know that if I told you my intentions, you would have done everything in your power to stop me, and I did not want that. I simply wanted to go quietly, honourably, and on my own terms. The last conversation we had together is how I want you to remember me. And I know you will understand. I also know that you will not accept it at first. But please, Mika, do not do something stupid like lock yourself in the Hall of Princes alone with a bottle of whiskey."</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Mika paused.</p><p>"Whiskey. That's what's missing here."</p><p>"I can't believe you didn't think of that. You really are having a bad day." Said Gracie wryly.</p><p>"No kidding." Mika muttered. Then realized he was smiling again. There were tears streaming from his eyes but he had to smile, because of course Paris predicted exactly how he was going to take this. So he continued to read.</p><p>"Perhaps it was selfish of me not to say goodbye to you. I just didn't want your last memories of me to be of trying to stop the inevitable. But please do not resent Seba. I gave him strict orders not to tip you off - he thought I should tell you. As you now know, I disagreed. If you need to be angry, be angry at me. I am dead - you cannot hurt my feelings. Just be gentle with Seba."</p><p>Mika winced.</p><p>"Already failed there."</p><p>"Seba will forgive you." Said Gracie gently. "You'd better go talk to him as soon as you get off the phone, okay?"</p><p>Mika grunted noncommittally.</p><p>"Promise?" Gracie pressed.</p><p>"Fine. I promise."</p><p>"Good."</p><p>Mika carried on:</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"It's worth noting that although I did not make an official will, but let it be known I am leaving you, Arrow, and Vancha to Seba, and him to you. Symbolically, of course - you are all far beyond needing mentorship but I hope you will love and protect him as you did for me. Support him the way you would have supported me if he had died first.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Mika, with all my heart and soul I will miss you until you meet me in paradise. But please take your time. I'm not going anywhere. Until that day comes, may you smile again. May you find the strength to carry on even when you feel like you cannot take another step. May you never be too proud to lean on those you love, and who love you. May you fight. May you win. You have more light inside you than anyone knows - least of all, yourself. Do not let this cruel world steal your fire.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Above all, I am so very, very proud to have been your mentor, your colleague, and your friend. And I will love you, and Gracie, until the Hall of Princes itself cracks and crumbles to dust. But for the love of the gods, Mika... please don't give Desmond Tiny any more attitude lest that happen sooner than later.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Sincerely, Paris."</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Mika didn't know whether to laugh or cry as he absorbed that last sentence, so he compromised and did a little of both.</p><p>"He really put it all out there." Said Gracie hoarsely after a minute. "What a guy. You glad you read it?"</p><p>"Yeah." Mika chuckled weakly. "I'm really glad. Couldn't have done it without you."</p><p>"Hey, what was that last part Paris wrote about Desmond Tiny?" Said Gracie suddenly, sounding far too alert. Mika cringed - he hadn't told her about Tiny's visit. He was extremely open with her about many things, but there was a limit. And that limit did not extend as far as recounting the time he talked back to Desmond Tiny and almost got the Hall of Princes destroyed.</p><p>"It's a long story and not a big deal. More of an inside joke." He replied swiftly. He got lucky, and she didn't ask any more questions about that. They talked for a while longer. Eventually they said their reluctant goodbyes and Mika was alone with his thoughts once again.</p><p>But it was different this time. Now, after talking Gracie through it and internalizing Paris's parting words, he was able to sit comfortably with his thoughts in a way he couldn't before. He was broken-hearted, but not broken. In shock, but not spiraling. Hurting, but handling it. For now.</p><p>So Paris had known all along that would be the last time they spoke one-on-one. And he'd specifically chosen his last major words to Mika:</p><p>"In case no one's told you lately, you're doing your best. And despite what you tell yourself, your best IS good enough. It always has been. No matter what happens, try to remember that."</p><p>"Honestly, Paris? I'm not convinced." Mika spoke aloud, his own voice echoing softly off the walls of the vast cavern, empty except for him. "But I guess I'm just going to have to take your word for it."</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Living alone here in this place</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>I think of you, and I'm not afraid</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Your favorite records make me feel better</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Cause you sing along</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>With every song</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>I know you didn't mean to give them to me</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Seba sat outside the Hall of Princes for four hours. It never once crossed his mind to walk away. In theory, Mika could've stayed in there for weeks. There was a spare coffin in the back corner, a water closet, and some emergency rations in the storage room behind the thrones in case the mountain was ever under siege. Mika wouldn't have a reason to leave the hall unless he wanted to. Eventually the other Princes would return to the mountain for the funeral and they'd be able to open the doors. Until then, Mika would have to be left to his own devices. But that didn't mean Seba had any intention of leaving his post.</p><p>Seba could've cried with relief when he finally heard the low hum of the door panel being activated from the other side, followed by the whoosh as they slid open. Seba quickly rose to his feet but not before Mika caught on to the fact he'd been sitting on the floor.</p><p>"Oh, thank the gods." Seba gasped. He took an automatic step towards Mika but paused as he remembered the way he'd lashed out earlier. Mika looked stunned and exhausted, but gone was the overall aura of hostility. He seemed much more relaxed than before.</p><p>"I read the letter." He whispered hoarsely.</p><p>"He meant every word of it." Said Seba shakily. Then Mika took a step forwards and wrapped his arms around Seba.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Seba." Mika croaked. "You lost him too. I was awful to you. I'm so sorry."</p><p>Mika dismissed the guards with a quick flick of his hand, and the hall was deserted. No one else needed to watch the noble Quartermaster break down in Mika's arms.</p><p>"I will miss him." Seba choked out at last as he withdrew from the embrace and wiped tears from his eyes. "By the gods, I will miss him so terribly."</p><p>"Even when I first met him, he was already older than most vampires ever live to be." Mika replied quietly. "I feel like I should be toasting him right now... celebrating his life. Honouring him. But honestly, I just want him to come back. I don't know how to function without him here. That's pathetic, isn't it?"</p><p>"Of course not. We are living in uncertain times." Said Seba. "He was a constant in your life for almost three centuries. I don't blame you for feeling lost. I told him he should say goodbye to you -"</p><p>"He was right not to." Said Mika bluntly. "I would've tried to stop him. I would've done anything. But he knew it was his time and he wanted it to be on his terms... I would've been selfish and taken all the honour out of it."</p><p>"You knew him well." Said Seba softly. "And he knew you too. His only regret was the timing of the war. He hated the thought of leaving you with that burden. But he also knew you would be okay."</p><p>"Sounds like he had a little too much faith in me." Said Mika darkly. Seba smiled forlornly and his eyes still glittered with tears.</p><p>"He had all the faith in the world in you." Seba whispered. "Now come on, let us get back to the Hall of Princes. I will have the staff bring us food and wine from the kitchens. We must start planning a funeral fit for the greatest vampire to ever walk the earth."</p><p>Within the hour, the word of Paris's passing was spreading like wildfire across the globe, carried telepathically from vampire to vampire until it seemed certain that every last one of them was planning to attend the funeral.</p><p>Mika told Vancha second (Arrow having been first) and Larten third. He was relieved when Larten responded that Darren volunteered to remain outside of the mountain for the funeral. The boy had certainly bonded with Paris over the past six years, but that paled in comparison to the centuries the others had spent by his side. Mika admired Darren's self-awareness and intended to thank him in person one day.</p><p>At one point, Mika felt Renley Azerion's consciousness cautiously reach out and brush against his:</p><p>
  <em>RA: I heard. I'm so sorry. Can I do anything?</em>
</p><p>Truthfully Mika hadn't spared Ren a single thought in at least six hours. If there was a protocol for how ultra-casual friends with benefits are supposed to react when one loses a parental figure, Mika didn't know what it was. Nor did he expect anything. While he appreciated Renley's evident concern, he was entirely focused on discussing logistics of the funeral with Seba when he received the message, so he did not reply to Renley. He meant to get around to it later, it was the polite thing to do. But he simply forgot.</p><p>Within several hours, Paris's body was located several miles outside the mountain. He'd died of his wounds after seemingly winning a fight with the biggest grizzly bear anyone had ever seen. The bear's body had been brought back and would be part of the funeral feast. Mika could breathe a little easier now that he knew Paris's physical form was safe within the mountain. Once the other Princes arrived, Mika would be able to leave the hall and go sit with his ancient mentor one last time.</p><p>Of all the things Mika had been sad about in recent years, none of them had been simple. But this new grief was almost refreshing, in a bizarre way. It was clear-cut. Paris Skyle owed the world nothing. All there was left to do was miss him.</p><p>Mika had just dismissed Seba and his army of staff. They'd be spending the rest of the week preparing the mountain in the same manner they did for council. Cells would need to be equipped for guests, food would need to be planned. Seba was in charge of delegating all that. And the ceremony itself would need to be organized - that particular task would fall largely to the remaining Princes. Mika decided to go ahead and get started for three reasons:</p><p>One: He needed a distraction.</p><p>Two: Arrow and Vancha would be tired from their journey when they arrived.</p><p>Three: Arrow and Vancha, while both stellar Princes in their own right, were about as useful as a screen door on a submarine when it came to coordinating large-scale events like this. Having organizational skills isn't part of the job requirements for the role of Vampire Prince, but Mika sometimes thinks it should be.</p><p>Mika spent several minutes rummaging through the small meeting room in the back of the Hall of Princes looking for a writing utensil so he could start drafting Paris's eulogy. Soon the mountain would be chaos and he wouldn't have a spare minute to think, so he wanted to get it out of the way while he still had some peace and quiet.</p><p>He was up to his elbows in a badly neglected supply cupboard when he heard an intimately familiar consciousness brush up lightly against his own, and he flinched so hard he bumped his head sharply on the open cabinet above him. He hissed in pain and staggered back to the table so he could sink down into a chair and massage his forehead.</p><p>
  <em>KS: I just heard about Paris. I'm so sorry, Mika.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Who told you?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: Vancha. Just now.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Ah. Seems he missed the no-contact-exile memo.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: He did it telepathically, it's not like he showed up at my house like you did, you filthy hypocrite. I can't believe I had to hear about Paris from Vancha!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Pardon my oversight. Been slightly preoccupied.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: I just wanted to see how you were doing.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: I'm alright.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: Are you lying?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Why the concern?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: Why not?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Afraid your past actions left me emotionally crippled and prone to major psychological issues in the event of future traumas just like this one?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: Your words, not mine.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Not even my words. I skimmed Gracie's old psych textbook last time I visited her place.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: Learn anything?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Mostly that I need hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of therapy.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: Not included in Vampire Mountain's Employee Benefits Package, huh?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: I forgot you're also a comedian.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: Listen, I know you don't want to talk to me but I need to know you're okay.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: You're afraid I'll end up how I was the night you got exiled.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: Can you blame me?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: As a matter of fact, yes. I blame you for a lot of things. Ruining my life, for example.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: Mika... please.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Sorry, that was harsh. I'm okay, Kurda. I'm just really fucking sad. That's the truth.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: Thank you. That's all I needed to hear.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Well, now you've heard it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: He lived an incredible life. There was no one like him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: He fought a grizzly to death. And won, but died of his injuries. Hell of a way to go.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: ...Premeditated, I assume?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Yes. Went out on his terms.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: I guess that's all any of us can hope for.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: He left without saying goodbye. He knew I'd try to stop him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: I'm so sorry. That must have hurt.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: I didn't take it well when Seba first told me. I had a... I didn't take it well.</em>
</p><p>He never could bring himself to use the phrase 'panic attack' when speaking with anyone. He could barely use it talking to himself. But Kurda was as fluent as ever in all his code words.</p><p>
  <em>KS: Can't blame you one bit.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: But I'm doing as well as can be expected. He left me a letter for closure... it was hard, but when I finally read it I felt better. That sound familiar?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: I read Gracie's letters every single night. I get it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: I actually read Paris's letter to Gracie over the phone when I told her what happened. It helped... for both of us.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: How'd she take it?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Better than me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: Gods, Mika... I miss her so much.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: I know you do.</em>
</p><p>He resisted the urge to say "me too". Because he knew perfectly well his and Kurda's versions of missing their daughter couldn't have been any more different.</p><p>
  <em>KS: I always knew when Paris eventually passed on it'd hit you hard. I just never considered the possibility that I wouldn't be there. And I wish I was.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: It doesn't matter how we wish it was. It is what it is.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: I know. Just remember to eat, sleep, and drink, okay?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: I fully intend on drinking.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: Water. I am referring to water.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Don't you have some homeless people to feed?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: Not til later. My afternoon's wide open.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Well, don't you have a boyfriend to... I don't know, do all the things you used to to with me? Congratulations, I guess. Gracie told me a while back.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: It ended recently, actually.</em>
</p><p>There was a sudden shift in his tone that threw Mika off. He didn't know what to make of it and he was in no state to unpack what it meant.</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Oh. Uncongratulations, then. What happened?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: I'm not talking about this with you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Defensive, I see. You alright?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: I'm about as fine as you are. Take from that what you will.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: As cryptic as that is, I have to start planning the biggest funeral in clan history so you're off the hook for today.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: Alright. Let me know if you need anything.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Like? What could you possibly do for me?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: All I know at this point is... if I thought for a minute you weren't okay... if there was any chance you might do something stupid or dangerous... I'd be there. And I'd fight every guard in that place until got to you.</em>
</p><p>Mika's heart sped up at those words. He'd never felt such gritty determination in Kurda's demeanour. He wished Kurda had just not said anything. Every time he thought he was moving on... maybe it would always be two steps forward and one step back. Or was it one step forward and two steps back? Whichever resulted in less progress was the one Mika was currently doing.</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Wow, very on-brand for an exiled pacifist. I can see that plan working out really well for you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: I'll stop bothering you now. If you need anything, I'm here. I'll always be here.</em>
</p><p>Mika felt his throat burn in frustration and he slammed his fist into the hard wooden table.</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Do you know how unfair it is for you to suggest that? It doesn't work like that and you fucking know it. You think I don't WISH I could have you with me for this?</em>
</p><p>He couldn't hear Kurda sigh sadly, but he knew he had.</p><p>
  <em>KS: Hang in there. It won't always hurt like it does now.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: I know. I've done this before.</em>
</p><p>Kurda abruptly withdrew from Mika's mind, and Mika went back to hunting through cupboard after cupboard for a pencil. It took him twenty minutes to find one, so he spent the next hour and a half decluttering and subsequently reorganizing the entire meeting room. And it had been in dire need. By the time Mika was finished, the room was spotless and every storage cupboard and drawer were so orderly they were almost unrecognizable. He was almost a little disappointed when he was finished, but at least he'd been able to push Kurda out of his mind for a little while.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>But you went away</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>How dare you?</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>I miss you</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>They say I'll be OK</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>But I'm not going to ever get over you</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Mika carried on with his planning, and elected to leave the door to the Hall of Princes open for the day. Everyone in the mountain was rushing around getting ready for the funeral and he didn't feel like opening the door every time someone had to ask him something.</p><p>The mountain was buzzing, and atmosphere felt eerily similar to the days leading up to a Council opening. Like everyone was gearing up for a hell of a party - and they were. In the eyes of the vampire clan, Paris's passing was the pinnacle of celebration, the utter definition of how every vampire aspired to live and die. Of course he would be missed, but even in death may you be triumphant, and all that. Life goes on. Mika was holding himself together but in his heart of hearts, all he wanted was to go curl up in his coffin and hide from the world.</p><p>He was halfway through the first paragraph of the eulogy, and concentrating so deeply he didn't notice Renley approaching until he'd ascended the steps to the throne platform and awkwardly paused mere feet away from where Mika was sitting.</p><p>"Charna's Guts!" Mika exclaimed, jumping in surprise. "Where the fuck did you come from?"</p><p>Renley frowned, worry lines etched in his face. He was also holding a small, wooden box. Mika belatedly remembered feeling Renley reach out through their telepathic link earlier. Although busy at the time, he genuinely intended to reply later, to let Renley know he was doing as well as could be expected and there was no need to worry or make it weird. That he should simply carry on as normal. Then Kurda happened and that was more than enough to push Renley off Mika's radar entirely.</p><p>"I tried to contact you as soon as I heard about Sire Skyle." Said Renley. "You blocked me out. I was worried."</p><p>"I didn't block you out. Just been a little busy." Mika countered tensely.</p><p>"That's alright. I just came to see how you were doing. Are you okay?"</p><p>"I'm tired of being asked if I'm okay." Said Mika through gritted teeth. "But I'm managing." He added, keeping his eyes on the page in front of him rather than on Renley's concerned face. He heard Renley exhale heavily.</p><p>"I know you don't like talk about these things. At least, not with me... and that's your business. But I'm just saying you could. If you wanted to." Said the General carefully. Almost hopefully.</p><p>Mika set down his pencil, and neatly folded up the piece of paper and tucked it into his pocket. Then he crossed his arms and leaned back in his throne, fixing Renley with a look of indifference that bordered in defiance.</p><p>"I appreciate the concern. Honestly." Said Mika frankly. "But I already did the emotions thing. Like, hours ago. And I'm much too busy to go for round two. So thank you, but this isn't part of our arrangement. You're free to go."</p><p>Renley sighed again, this time sounding significantly more exasperated.</p><p>"Mika... come on. Nobody can process such a big loss that quickly. Not even you."</p><p>"Don't underestimate my trainwreck of a brain."</p><p>"Hide under that bitchy sarcasm all you want. If showing you some basic compassion is wrong, then have your guards arrest me. Call them right now. I'll wait." Renley fired back, a stubborn gleam in his eyes. Mika rolled his eyes, but felt a slight prickle of guilt and he dropped his defences fractionally.</p><p>"Ren, I didn't mean-"</p><p>"Listen, I'm not an idiot. I know what we are. I know you don't give a single, solitary fuck about me." Renley continued fiercely.</p><p>"That's not true." Said Mika bluntly. "I give two or three fucks about you. Maybe four on a good day, like when you do that thing with your tongue I like." He added with complete seriousness.</p><p>"Which thing?"</p><p>"You know exactly which thing."</p><p>"You're right, I do." Said Renley with a brittle smile. Then he glanced down at the box in his hands. "Anyway, I tried to get this to you hours ago. I was in charge of a training session in the Hall of Rush Flon'x and I couldn't cancel. So I gave it to a guard to send up to you. Then he got reassigned by Seba and by the time I caught up with him he hadn't had a chance to deliver it. I guess if you want something done right you have to do it yourself."</p><p>Renley handed the box to Mika who accepted it rather quizzically. Vampires don't really do gifts, last time he was given a present it was an electricity-free coffee maker which had been carefully built by Kurda and Seba for 270th birthday years ago. He shot Renley a suspicious look, and looked inside.</p><p>Even on one of the top five worst days of his life (and that's some stiff competition), Mika couldn't help but smile. There was a handwritten note, a small but fancy bottle of imported whiskey, a basket of fresh raspberries - Mika's favourite - and a little black pebble.</p><p>For the second time that day, he picked up a note in which someone had taken the time to pen a series of words meant for him and him alone, and began to read:</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"Mika -</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine how you're feeling. I know this won't help much, but worth a try. Just a few little things to help get you through the day: A strong drink, because I'm sure you could use one. A snack, because you need that more than the drink. And this rock I found on the floor because it reminded me of you.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>I know you'll want your space. But if you let me, I'll be there.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>X, R.A."</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Mika looked up, eyebrows raised.</p><p>"Signed with a kiss? Really?"</p><p>"Shut up." Renley grunted, cheeks turning pink. Mika rolled his eyes again, albeit not in a mean way. Yes, there's a difference.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Ren. This is literally the nicest thing anyone's done for me this decade." Said Mika after a pause, much more seriously.</p><p>"Sad if true." Said Renley with a wry grin.</p><p>"I mean it." Said Mika. "Thank you."</p><p>"You're welcome."</p><p>Mika withdrew the whiskey and wasted no time cracking it open and taking a long drink.</p><p>"Straight out of the bottle, huh? You truly are a class act." Said Renley, arching an eyebrow in mild amusement.</p><p>"Well, you didn't include a glass." Said Mika flatly. "Also, I really need to know. What about this rock reminded you of me?" He picked it up, lazily tossed it in the air and caught it in his hand a couple times.</p><p>"It's dark and tough, and sort of abrasive if you rub it the wrong way." Renley explained. Mika couldn't help but notice his cheeks were slightly pink again. "But if you look at it from just the right angle... it's got this shine to it."</p><p>Mika tilted his head slightly, raised his eyebrows and fixed Renley with a long, poignant stare. Honestly, it was everything he could do not to laugh. For a moment he didn't say anything. Renley gave him a skeptical look in return as he waited for some feedback.</p><p>"So what you're saying is I'm only attractive from certain angles?" Said Mika at last, unable to entirely restrain himself from smirking.</p><p>Renley slapped his palm to his forehead in semi-mock frustration.</p><p>"No, you vain prick." He groaned. "I'm trying to tell you that as soon as I heard about Paris, all I could think about was if you were alright. Then you ignored my message. And I couldn't focus on anything else, to the point where even that stupid fucking rock made me think of you. Yet here you are, cracking your dark little jokes and acting like everything's normal even though you're... you're devastated! I can see it in your eyes! Gods, I just want to help you! But you won't let me, because you're too damn stubborn to let anyone in!" Renley ranted, throwing his arms in the air furiously as his amber-hazel eyes flashed a thousand different emotions.</p><p>Mika stared back at him coolly, all traces of amusement having vanished from his face entirely.</p><p>"Can you blame me?" He asked softly, each word measured and precise. He held Renley's gaze firmly, his steely eyes slightly narrowed.</p><p>"I don't know." Renley replied, his voice cracking like sheet ice. "I don't know what to tell you."</p><p>"I don't need you to tell me anything." Said Mika calmly.</p><p>Renley threw his arms up in exasperation once again. Then turned sharply away and Mika thought he was about to stomp out of the room but instead he sat down wearily upon the top stair of the throne platform, his back facing Mika and face buried in his hands.</p><p>Mika sighed resignedly and after several moments he stood up from his throne and slowly made his way over to Renley and sat down beside him, their shoulders brushing together. They sat in silence for several minutes until Mika finally spoke:</p><p>"I'll be fine, Ren. Trust me. He told me I would be - so I have to believe it's true."</p><p>Renley sighed and gazed across at Mika out of the corner of his eye.</p><p>"I hope he knew what he was talking about."</p><p>"Guess we'll see. But in case he's wrong, at least you're here. And you can say you told me so. Deal?" Mika added after a moment's pause, his voice catching in his throat.</p><p>"You're only saying that because I brought you liquor."</p><p>Mika shrugged.</p><p>"I liked the rock too."</p><p>Renley let out a weak laugh and wrapped his arm around Mika. Mika tensed for a moment, but slowly leaned into the physical contact until his head came to rest against Renley's shoulder.</p><p>The true moment of realization landed on Mika like a bag of bricks when he wasn't expecting it. He'd kept it together (mostly) for Arrow, Gracie, Seba, Vancha, Larten, and Kurda. Fucking Kurda, as if the entire day hadn't been difficult enough without that.</p><p>One minute he was feeling marginally okay, leaning comfortably into Renley, appreciating the silence as his hand ran slowly across Mika's back. And the next minute, without so much as a shred of warning, the last thread holding him together finally snapped, some internal switch was flipped, and he was sobbing so hard he couldn't breathe.</p><p>He thought it had sunk in hours ago. He thought he'd already absorbed it, internalized it or whatever. But that was the moment it hit him.</p><p>Paris was gone.</p><p>Paris was gone and he wasn't coming back.</p><p>Renley wasn't part of Mika's carefully chosen family. But they weren't here, and Renley was. So it was Renley who wiped his tears with trembling fingers. It was Renley who held him as he violently ricocheted between sobbing and hyperventilating. And it was Renley who had the presence of mind to gently coax Mika back over to his throne, take his hand and press it against the door panel to seal the Hall shut, ensuring no one would inadvertently wander in and witness this.</p><p>Mika couldn't be sure if he'd fallen asleep, passed out, disassociated, or simply zoned out. But eventually he regained some semblance of awareness and realized he was lying on the floor of the throne platform, his head resting in Renley's lap. His entire body ached, but nothing more so than his head which felt like there was a sledgehammer assault taking place within it.</p><p>"This... this is why we don't talk about feelings, Ren." He murmured, so quietly he could barely hear himself. Renley tensed at the sound, and Mika could tell he was shaken. Which was fair. Maybe next time he'd think twice before trying get inside Mika's head.</p><p>"What do you need?" Renley asked, his voice weak and strangled with concern. "Want me to find Seba? Or a medic?"</p><p>Mika exhaled a ghostly humourless laugh and shifted his body so he could look directly up at Renley, who was peering down at him from a rather unflattering angle.</p><p>"A medic? What, to formally diagnose me as sad?"</p><p>"I don't know fucking know, Mika. I'm trying here, okay?" Ren's voice was shaking now.</p><p>"You know you can tap out whenever you want. I won't hold it against you. Actually I envy you, I'd love to opt out of putting up with myself." Mika told him, his voice calm and even once more.</p><p>Renley sighed in a way that almost seemed a little annoyed, but continued to lightly stroke Mika's clammy forehead with his fingertips.</p><p>"You know... For such a cocky son of a bitch... you really, really hate yourself." He muttered. There was an unmistakeable touch of resentment in his voice and all over his face. Now he had Mika's attention.</p><p>"Pardon you?" Mika demanded. He sat up abruptly, body tense as he faced Renley head-on.</p><p>"You heard me. What went wrong in your brain to make you feel like you don't even deserve the bare minimum on one of the hardest days of your life?" Renley demanded. His voice was thick with urgency, emotion... as though this was a quandary that was causing him immense frustration.</p><p>Mika narrowed his eyes and scrutinized Renley suspiciously. That wasn't true. Even from a young age Mika had always felt like he deserved the world. So he went out and got it for himself, and now here he was at the top of his game. As rough as the last few years had been, that period of his life was still an anomaly in what had otherwise been a spectacular career. He had plenty of flaws, but self-worth had never been a hangup. So there couldn't possibly be any truth to Renley's words.</p><p>Right?</p><p>"Listen, you know full well I don't want a boyfriend, or a therapist. I've been nothing but clear about that." Mika growled warningly. "And currently you're acting like both. And if you want to stay in my life-"</p><p>"Believe it or not, I don't want to be either!" Renley cut him off with so much conviction it didn't occur to Mika not to believe him. "You're a top-tier lay, Mika. Best I've ever had, and I've had a lot -"</p><p>"So have I. You crack the top five for sure." Mika chipped in drily.</p><p>"Oh, would you shut the fuck up?" Renley practically howled in exasperation. "I know you think I'm secretly hoping you'll fall in love with me, but you're wrong. I thoroughly enjoy getting to lay you down every night with no strings attached. I wouldn't change a single thing between us. But that doesn't mean I can turn a blind eye to you falling apart on the fucking floor. It's not that simple."</p><p>"You know I could just order you to leave this room, and you'd have no choice." Mika growled evasively. He had no desire to unpack any of that.</p><p>"You're right, Sire. So why haven't you? Hmm?" Renley shot back, placing a mocking sort of emphasis on 'Sire'.</p><p>Mika groaned in frustration, and wished he'd chosen a less intuitive partner with which to participate in recreational sex.</p><p>"Where's your snarky comeback?" Renley pressed, arching an eyebrow and cocking his head expectantly.</p><p>"Give me a minute." Mika grunted, as close to admitting defeat as he'd get. "I'm tired."</p><p>"I'm not trying to ruin your day any more than it already has been. But think about what I said, okay?" Renley replied. Both his voice and his demeanour were softening. He didn't seem interested in antagonizing Mika further.</p><p>"Sure won't." Mika fired back, voice tinged with bitterness.</p><p>"Fine. Be like that."</p><p>They sat in silence for a few moments, not looking at each other. Mika's eyes ran over the faintly glowing walls, the long rows of empty pews, and finally landed on the throne he'd never again see Paris sitting in. He felt his throat close up all over again. Fuck, would it always be like this? Today alone had felt a thousand hours long.</p><p>He forced himself to tear his eyes away from Paris's throne and they finally landed on Renley's face. And as if he could sense Mika looking at him, Renley's gaze slowly lifted until their eyes were locked; blazing mahogany on galvanized steel.</p><p>"I'm glad you're here, Ren." Mika whispered. "I should've just left it at that. Sorry."</p><p>Renley rolled his eyes, and Mika pretended not to notice the solitary tear that escaped from them. But then he let out a hoarse attempt at a laugh.</p><p>"Just come here." Renley croaked, pulling Mika back into his arms.</p><p>They remained there on the floor. Renley with his back leaning against the front of Mika's throne, and Mika half-sitting half-laying in his lap. Any other day he would've felt like a complete degenerate but today wasn't any other day. Today was the day the world lost Paris Skyle. So Mika figured if there was ever a time to lie on the floor in the Hall of Princes itself, this was surely it. Besides, who was going to stop him? Not a damn soul. That's who.</p><p>They lapsed into silence for a while.</p><p>"Tell me about Paris." Renley suddenly broke the silence.</p><p>"You knew Paris. You saw him more than most of our current Generals." Mika, who'd almost managed to fall asleep, muttered reproachfully.</p><p>Renley snorted.</p><p>"Everyone knows the Princes have to act a certain way in the public eye. Most of us never get the full picture. Can't blame you for wanting to maintain your images and all that. I just find it interesting." Renley noted offhandedly while Mika snorted in amusement. And Renley continued to ramble: "You're a prime example: picture-perfect Prince while you're in that throne, and an utter disaster off-duty. But you keep up appearances well, I really thought you had your shit together until I got to know you better these last few months."</p><p>"Not true. Sometimes I'm a disaster on duty too." Mika mumbled. Mika kept his eyes closed but he could feel a soft chuckle vibrate Renley's body, and hear the rueful smile in his voice.</p><p>"What I'm getting at is that I want to hear about Paris as you knew him. Not how the clan saw him." Said Renley. There was a touch of encouragement to his words as his fingers traced lazy circles over Mika's cheekbone and up and down his neck.</p><p>"Where do I begin?"</p><p>"The beginning. I'm not going anywhere."</p><p>"Fine, I met Paris in a tavern when I was sixteen. I'd just run away from my obscenely wealthy but emotionally neglectful family-"</p><p>"Oh my gods. Of course. Everything about you suddenly makes complete sense!" Renley laughed. His voice had returned to its default setting of easy breezy. Mika swatted his leg, but managed a weak chuckle himself.</p><p>So Mika talked, and Renley listened intently, occasionally chiming in with a remark, or a genuine laugh at the funnier bits. And when it was all said and done, Mika couldn't deny he felt a little lighter.</p><p>It was true that Renley would never be Kurda. But that was irrelevant because Kurda would never be here again, and neither of those things were Renley's fault. So not for the first time Mika found himself wishing and waiting for something to click in his brain that would allow him to feel something for him. Maybe the feelings would show up eventually, Renley didn't seem to be going anywhere. But for today, all Mika could do was close his eyes and pretend.</p><p>Or maybe he was just pretending it was Kurda.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>It really sinks in, you know, when I see it in stone</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Cause you went away,</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>How dare you?</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>I miss you</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>They say I'll be OK</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>But I'm not going to ever get over you</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Oooooooffffff. There it is.</p><p>I should probably let you guys know that Mika has asked about re-negotiating his contract with me and return to his original creator's custody. He keeps saying things like "Shan may have undervalued me but at least he didn't pull THIS SHIT." Whatever that means.</p><p>This chapter was rough, I'm sorry. I always knew Paris's demise would be part of the Dirty Chai canon but it still hurts to say goodbye. Part of me knows I went a little overboard on the emotions in this one, not to mention ~ my babey ~ has already had a pretty rough go throughout this entire shitfest. However: 1) I LOVE writing high-intensity emotional interactions between characters. I find it fascinating and satisfying. (Mika's flipping me off with both hands rn). 2) I've read a trillion times deeper into the relationships between all of them than the source material has. I don't care how long and wonderful Paris's life was. I couldn't gloss over the fact that he's still going to be REALLY, REALLY missed.</p><p>Also, fun fact, there was not a single trace of Renley in the original version of this chapter, other than the moment he checks in with their mental link and Mika brushes him off (aka leaves him on 'read'). But I couldn't stop thinking about digging justtttt a little deeper into their dynamic. So I wrote a test segment to see if I liked it. And then I did - so I ran with it. I dunno folks. He was going to be a one-off type of thing but then 2 or 3 people mentioned they liked him so what the fuck do I know?</p><p>Please leave a comment if you're enjoying this. That's all I ask.</p><p>- Roxy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Crash This Train (Civil War)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>'Cause it ain't fair to say, that these tracks are the same<br/>So god if you can hear me, crash this train<br/>Said god if you can hear me, crash this train</p><p>***<br/>Alternate title: Civil War. Working title: Mmm, Watcha Say.</p><p>Paris Skyle's funeral is imminent. Vancha and Arrow have returned to the mountain. Vancha has news. Arrow has opinions. Mika has limited patience. They all have unresolved emotional trauma. None of them have healthy coping skills. This is going to be a fun family reunion.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Aaaaaand here we are for chapter 15! Not that I'm surprised but this story is getting awfully long. What? Am I just writing filler at this point because I can't decide how to end it? I refuse to speak without my lawyer present.</p><p>I didn't think I was going to update again before the new year, but I ended up chopping this monster of a chapter in half, because it was rapidly closing in on 15k words and that's... well, it's a lot. So I decided to post this part for now.</p><p>This chapter is kind of a shit show. Be warned. I think there's a significant amount of OOC-ness here, and I'm sure you're reading this like "bitch this entire AU is OOC, WE BEEN KNEW!" but I just wanted to re-affirm that I am AWARE of it.</p><p>I probably butchered Vancha's character but he can join the club, I guess. I don't know if this is a good chapter - that's for you to decide. But I can tell you with certainty that is isn't a boring chapter. So enjoy!</p><p>FYI I am including a precautionary suicide TW (reference to the end of Hunters of the Dusk - i.e. Vancha on the roof).</p><p>Chapter 15: Crash This Train (Civil War)</p><p>Song: Crash This Train by Joshua James - another Sons of Anarchy classic. Imagine if I had time to produce a Vampire Mountain motorcycle gang AU... I don't, but could you imagine?</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> <strong>I hope you find what you're lookin' for when it all comes runnin' down</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>I hope you find it painted black on your window, or the lips of your lovers frown</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>'Cause if it dies in cold, when the clouds start to roll</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>Is it then that your soul, starts to bleed?</strong> </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Arrow never had quite the profound, almost spiritual connection with the mountain that Mika and Paris did, but he was still damned glad to see that looming behemoth of a peak as he closed the final distance.</p><p>His team was exhausted and battle-weary when they filed into the last way station of the trip. They'd flitted for most of the journey back, but the sun was about to come up and they all needed a rest. Besides, Vampire Mountain would be so hectic they'd hardly have time to sit down once they walked in.</p><p>Five days had passed since Arrow heard the news of Paris's passing, and it had been a gruelling time. He'd lost two of his better men in battle, and he'd picked up a few new bullet wounds at the same time. Ultimately they won and he left a pile of vampaneze corpses in his wake, but no matter how many kills he racked up they just seemed to keep coming, like a thousand-headed hydra.</p><p>But finally, he was almost home. And after close to six years in the field, Kaden Hale still had his back as well as anyone ever had. She'd never taken on a mission this daunting but had rose to the challenge magnificently. Baptism by fire had strengthened her in every conceivable way, and because of her Arrow had walked away from countless battles in better condition than he would've otherwise.</p><p>It was one of the colder days in recent memory. Arrow had built a fire a few feet outside the way station; a small but roomy cave in a hillside. Their side of the hill was facing away from the rising sun, so the group was able to sit outside without getting burned. They cooked a few rabbits and wistfully discussed what they'd do once they were back in the mountain. Some would go straight to the food. Others, the alcohol. A few just wanted to take a bath, and there were a handful who figured they'd be best visiting the medics before anything else. But all of them were eager to sleep in the relative comfort of a coffin or hammock again. One by one they retreated to the cave to sleep the daylight away until only Arrow and Kaden remained. Side by side, her on his right. That was how it was now, she was his right hand in all things. He trusted her entirely, and proudly considered her part of his personal inner circle which had consisted of Mika, Vancha, Seba, Vanez, Darren, Larten, and Paris.</p><p>Paris...</p><p>Arrow was lost in memories of those first few years as Paris's assistant when Kaden's voice broke his concentration.</p><p>"You've been quiet." She noted. She didn't say it in a sideways, pointed manner. She didn't shoot him a meaningful glance that suggested he start explaining himself. It was just a simple statement. He could elaborate if he wanted to. And if he didn't, she wouldn't be fussed. He liked that about her. Sometimes less was more with Arrow.</p><p>"Have I?" He replied, his gaze honed in on the glowing embers of the fire.</p><p>"Just an observation. A half-decent second-in-command notices these things." She answered offhandedly.</p><p>"I don't think that's in the official job description." Arrow huffed back. But his tone was gentle.</p><p>"How are you feeling about everything?" Kaden asked, more directly. The fact that she came right out with it was a clear indication of her concern.</p><p>Arrow tilted his head to look at her, and as he did so, she did the same. Her dark auburn hair had gotten long in the time away from the mountain, she had to keep it contained to a braid lest it obstruct her line of vision during a fight. And her face seemed... older. She didn't look any different than she had before their journey, but there was something different that Arrow couldn't quite put his finger on. She was more confident and self-assured now. She'd always been cool-headed but now there was truly nothing that phased her. But it came at a price; she was also more world-weary now. Not a single vampire would come out of this war untouched in some way or another; that was just how these things worked. But Arrow still wished she could have been an exception.</p><p>"I don't think it's sunk in yet." Arrow admitted. "It's like... I know I should be sad. And I am sad. But my brain is just... I don't know, there's so much happening and I can't focus on any of it. The war, Paris, the news from Tiny, the men we lost, the three bullets still stuck in me somewhere... It's all just a big mess. It's like if my brain is so full, I don't have room to start untangling it all. I have no idea where to begin."</p><p>Kaden hummed thoughtfully and Arrow immediately felt his face go red. He didn't understand why he was like this; he spent every waking moment with Kaden. They'd seen each other bloodied and bruised on a weekly basis. They'd become steadfast colleagues and close friends. He'd let down his guard with her in many ways - but not all ways. Not these ways. He couldn't help feel like there was some part of his brain that was wired differently than those of his peers the older he got the more he noticed it. Trying to articulate the reasoning for that just felt humiliating for reasons he couldn't wrap his head around.</p><p>"Sorry." Arrow grunted. "That was a really shitty explanation. I'm just tired, that's all."</p><p>"It made perfect sense, actually." Said Kaden evenly, her green eyes gently keeping hold of Arrow's brooding gaze. "All that would overwhelm anyone. Here's what you need to do: check in with Sire Ver Leth and Quartermaster Nile, see where they're at organizing the funeral ceremony. Once that's figured out, you'll go see the medics about having those bullets removed. And when they've patched you up, then you can sit and talk about the war and the vampaneze while you wait for the guests to arrive." She finished calmly.</p><p>Arrow let out a low groan of frustration and ran his hands slowly over his face and tattooed scalp.</p><p>"How do you make that sound so easy?"</p><p>"Ranked it by priority." Kaden shrugged. "Personally I think you should see the medics before anything else but I know you won't. So you might as well put your energy into preparing for the funeral. It won't take long for the guests to arrive since the flitting rules were relaxed. And the war doesn't seem to be ending any time soon, so you'll have lots of time to touch base with the other Princes and Generals once everything else has been attended to."</p><p>"What did I ever do without you?" Arrow murmured, a sad little smile working its way across his face.</p><p>"By the sounds of it, you got by just fine." Kaden replied. As Arrow smiled, so did she.</p><p>"Is that what they say? Guess I shouldn't tell you Mika's been making my schedules for me the past sixty years." Said Arrow surreptitiously. Her lips parted in a mock grimace, she raised her eyebrows and surveyed Arrow with fond exasperation.</p><p>"Yeah, definitely don't tell me that. In fact, don't tell anyone that. Yikes."</p><p>"You're right." Said Arrow very seriously. "I'll keep it to myself."</p><p>They both chuckled.</p><p>"Who's staying away for the funeral, Darren or Vancha?" Kaden inquired.</p><p>"Larten told Mika that Darren volunteered to stay back." Said Arrow. "Nice of him."</p><p>"He's a good kid." Kaden commented.</p><p>"Yeah. I think we'll keep him." Said Arrow. That kid really had grown on him; although admittedly it hadn't taken much.</p><p>"And how is Sire Ver Leth doing?" Kaden ventured after a pause.</p><p>Arrow grimaced. He hadn't communicated with Mika much since the anguish-stricken moment he reached out and informed Arrow of the loss, and the time shortly after when he confirmed Darren was skipping the ceremony.</p><p>"I don't know how Mika's doing." Arrow admitted, meeting Kaden's gently curious gaze. His face was lined with worry. "I couldn't afford to distract myself by worrying about him. He's confined to the Hall of Princes til Vancha or I arrive, it's not like he can get into much trouble in there. So I kept my focus on our team. Gods, I hope I did the right thing."</p><p>"You did. With all due respect, Sire Ver Leth is a grown-ass vampire and he's more than capable of handling himself. You do not need to feel responsible for him." Said Kaden firmly. But then she softened her demeanour. "We're almost home. One more day and you can help each other through it."</p><p>"I know..." said Arrow, his eyes shifting back to the dying embers of the fire. "He's just... he's never been the same since last council. And I know better than anyone how long it takes to put your life back together after it goes off the rails. It'd be hypocritical of me to expect him to be fine right now."</p><p>"No one's expecting either of you to be fine." Said Kaden, her gentle exasperation becoming more evident. "All I'm saying is just... make sure you take a few minutes for yourself. Feel whatever you need to feel. You don't have to be everyone's rock."</p><p>"Someone has to be." He told her. There was a very subtle hitch in his throat with those words but his voice remained steady. "Mika's always been mine. And Paris was ours. He was everyone's. But now Paris is gone, and I don't know how much of Mika is left. Vancha's kind of a lone wolf, and Darren's an infant. So that leaves me."</p><p>Kaden held his somber gaze, her bright green eyes locking onto his dark hazel, glazed over from exhaustion.</p><p>"Then you walk in there and be their rock." She murmured. He felt her small fingers slip between his large battle-scarred ones but didn't break eye contact. "But when the ceremony is over and the guests have gone home... when the time comes that you need your own rock... you know where to find me."</p><p>She squeezed his hand, and finally Arrow felt the some of the overwhelming tension relax its grip on his body. The tension that was so familiar he didn't realize it had been there, until it lifted. He squeezed her hand back. Even though her hand was as calloused and battle-scarred as any man's, it still felt so soft and small to him. And warm - impossibly warm.</p><p>"You're allowed to mourn him." She added. "Just because he lived and died the way most can only dream of, doesn't make the loss any less real to you."</p><p>He exhaled slowly and withdrew his hand reluctantly from her grasp - with the way the war was going, the idea of falling for her absolutely terrified him. And if he let his guard down for even a second he knew he wouldn't stand a chance.</p><p>"You're one of the good ones, Hale. It's been an honour to fight at your side." He told her at last. She smiled up at him, her expression unreadable.</p><p>"Likewise, Sire. Hoping for many more."</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> <strong>Have you ever seen the President who killed your wounded child?</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>Or the man that crashed your sisters plane claimin' he was sent of god?</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>And when she died in your arms, late that night in the dark</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>Did you pray to your god to come home?</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>'Cause it ain't fair to say, that these tracks are the same</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>So god if you can hear me, crash this train</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>Said god if you can hear, me crash this train</strong> </em>
</p><p> </p><p>The five days since Paris's sudden exit had passed in the blink of an eye, and Mika was grateful for it. More and more often he was catching glimpses of his old self. That effortless, blazing confidence may have been eroded, but what was left had been tempered with a battle-hardened resolve that was enough for him to face the chaos head-on every night and do what he did best. His job.</p><p>Paris's letter had been the turning point. He read it every night before going to sleep, and again when he woke up. The mountain was filling up with guests, and due to the circumstances there was just as much discussion on the war as there was about Paris. Meetings increased tenfold and his daily to-do list was ever-growing. Mika was exhausted and overworked, but for the first time in years it felt... good. Like how he used to feel after a long but fulfilling night's work.</p><p>Seba showed up in the Hall of Princes most nights after everyone else had gone to sleep. He'd sit in Paris's throne (he may not have been a Prince, but he was the only vampire that would ever be allowed to sit in that throne again if Mika had anything to say about it) and they'd quietly appreciate each other's presence. Sometimes they talked about Paris, and other times they talked about other things. Either way, it helped.</p><p>Vanez stayed close by as well. He had already started debriefing the vampires returning from the field, gathering information about the enemy's resources, fighting styles, and any patterns of behaviour that could be analyzed and used in the vampires' favour. Vanez knew all the right questions to ask, and how to filter the relevant information - which gave Mika one less thing to do. Vanez visited the Hall of Princes every day to update Mika on what he'd been learning, so Mika could pick and choose which Generals he wanted to follow up with. It made Mika's job much easier, which he appreciated immensely.</p><p>Then there was Renley.</p><p>Mika was more than a little uncomfortable with the fact that Renley had witnessed him hitting rock bottom that night; a level of raw vulnerability that Mika wished he could erase from memory. And what made it worse was not only had Renley witnessed it, he'd also been the one to pick Mika up off rock bottom and dust him off. Mika had fallen asleep in his arms for the second time that night. And just like the first time, when he woke up the spell was immediately broken. It was back to business.</p><p>But there'd been enough of a shift in their dynamic to reach an unspoken compromise: Renley respected Mika's desire for space, while Mika begrudgingly accepted that it wasn't in his best interest to shut out anyone who might have the audacity to give a damn about his well-being. So Renley visited the Hall of Princes several times a day, usually armed with snacks and beverages. A well-timed cold drink was certainly the most direct way to Mika's heart.</p><p>Ren never lingered for too long, and knew better than to greet Mika with a kiss or a hug if anyone else was around, and there almost always was. So he'd just check in, hang out for a minute, and carry on his way again. And it helped.</p><p>All in all Mika was coping, but he did wish Arrow had given him a warning before abruptly arriving in the Hall of Princes because the sight of his best friend for the first time in over half a decade proved to be almost too much. Mika managed to keep a straight face as Arrow made a beeline to the front of the room, politely brushing off the dozens of vampires who swarmed to his side to greet him as he walked. He didn't stop until he'd reached the stairs that led up to the throne platform. And the only reason he stopped was because Mika had gotten up from his throne, launched himself at Arrow, and hugged him harder than he'd ever hugged anyone in his entire life while Arrow held him just as tightly.</p><p>They didn't even exchanged verbal greeting for several minutes. They just stood there, clinging to each other. If you've ever had a best friend bordering on a soulmate, you'll know how much can be said without ever speaking a single word. Neither of them cared that the hall was full of vampires. Nothing in the world that mattered, except that they were reunited.</p><p>"How are you?" Arrow asked, voice rough with concern, as they pulled apart. He gripped Mika's shoulders and held him at arm's length, looking him up and down.</p><p>"I'm doing well." Mika replied quietly but firmly.</p><p>"Are you sure? You didn't sound well when you gave me the news." Arrow pressed with skepticism, not looking entirely convinced. Mika arched his eyebrows at his prodigal friend.</p><p>"I wasn't then. But now I am." Mika replied simply. "Seba and I have been keeping busy, and we're fine. Sad, but fine. Speaking of Seba, he gave me this to pass along to you. He's been running all over the mountain all week and he figured I'd see you before he did..."</p><p>Mika reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper with Arrow's name on it.</p><p>"That's Paris's handwriting..." Arrow gulped, as took the letter from Mika's hand.</p><p>"He wrote each of us a letter." Said Mika evenly. "You, me, Vancha, and Darren. Just some... parting words. I was in a dark place when I read mine-"</p><p>"THE dark place?" Arrow interrupted, eyes blazing with worry. Mika sighed and shrugged.</p><p>"I don't know. I guess. It was hard to convince myself to open it and start reading... but it was like he was right there, talking to me. And he pulled me out of the dark place."</p><p>Arrow quickly unfolded the paper and started reading, but within seconds his face reddened and he began to breathe heavily. He folded the letter back up and turned his face upwards to the ceiling, blinking frantically and trying to steady himself, seemingly with limited success.</p><p>Mika felt a strong stab of empathy. He'd had almost a week to come to terms with the loss, so that when he said he was okay it really was the truth. Arrow on the other hand had been out in the field fighting for his life, and hadn't had a spare moment to process anything until just now.</p><p>"Everyone, please clear the hall! I need to speak with Sire Arrow concerning vampaneze business." Mika addressed the room. He didn't shout but his voice carried, and he heard Arrow sigh with relief as the dozens of chattering vampires began to file out.</p><p>"Thank you..." Arrow muttered, sounding slightly unsteady as he roughly swiped tears from his eyes. "Fuck, I'm sorry. Just need a minute."</p><p>"Take all the time you need." Said Mika calmly, putting his hand on Arrow's shoulder and steering him up the steps and into to his throne.</p><p>Arrow leaned back and rested his head against the hard wooden seat and closed his eyes. He looked like he'd aged several decades since Mika last saw him, and his face was pale and drawn.</p><p>"How have you been?" Mika asked in an undertone as he watched Arrow blink furiously. Arrow didn't answer for a moment, he just ran his hands wearily across his face, massaging his temples as if he had a headache.</p><p>"Really fucking tired." He murmured at last.</p><p>"You look terrible." Mika remarked.</p><p>"You'd look like shit too if you had three bullets stuck in your body." Arrow grunted.</p><p>"Three?" Mika groaned in dismay. "One, I could overlook. Been there, done that. Ask the medics. Two is questionable. But three? You moron."</p><p>"I haven't exactly had time to go to the nearest emergency room!" Arrow protested.</p><p>"Well it'd be awfully inconsiderate of you to up and die of infection with everything that's going on. Paris only gets a free pass because he's old." Mika mused. But he shot Arrow a wry grin. Arrow rolled his eyes but weakly returned the smile.</p><p>"I'll go to the medics and let them sort me out tomorrow." Arrow relented. "I just don't want to be poked and prodded right now. Besides, I need to help you plan the funeral, don't I?"</p><p>"I'll allow it." Said Mika.</p><p>"I missed you so fucking much." Arrow croaked out after another long pause.</p><p>"Really? I barely even thought about you." Said Mika lightly. That was enough to make Arrow laugh for the first time in days.</p><p>"So what'd your letter say?" Arrow asked after a moment.</p><p>"Probably pretty close to what yours says. That he was proud of me. Stay strong, hang in there, be nice to Seba, all that. And he more or less apologized for not dying sooner, back when I was mentally stable." Mika shrugged, shooting a sideways glance at Arrow, who chuckled darkly.</p><p>"Yeah... he really didn't think this through. Gods, what an inconvenience." The tattooed Prince snorted.</p><p>Arrow began to read his letter. Mika watched a universe of emotions flash across his best friend's face and felt a tug of sympathy. Arrow hadn't seen Paris in years. And suddenly all he had was this letter. Mika would never take for granted the fact that he was one of the last vampires to have the honour of seeing Paris in person.</p><p>Arrow stopped reading; and Mika couldn't tell if he'd finished or given up. But he stood up shakily from his throne and took a few directionless steps, as he slowly ran his hands over his face and began to breathe heavily. He didn't seem to know what to do with himself.</p><p>"It's okay, Arrow." Mika murmured, watching him carefully as he paced aimlessly. It seemed the true scope of the loss had finally sunk in. That, the moment of true realization, combined with the fact that he was home for the first time in over six years, under these circumstances seemed to be more than Arrow could bear.</p><p>Mika sat up a little straighter and swivelled in his throne, tracking Arrow's erratic movements. He was still clutching his letter, his eyes darting around the page but Mika could tell he was way beyond absorbing any of it.</p><p>"A, look at me." Mika ordered quietly, standing up. Arrow stopped in his tracks and slowly raised his head to meet Mika's eyes, and Mika felt his heart break just a little more. Arrow's face was pale in shock and confusion, and Mika recognized the pain as his own. Everyone wore it differently, but grief was grief.</p><p>"Hey... listen. It's you and me, okay? We're still here." Mika added in a low, calming voice. That was all the encouragement Arrow needed. He took a few shaky steps towards Mika, who carefully steered him over to the top stair of the throne platform so they could sit side-by-side. Precisely the same location in which Mika had melted into a helpless, incoherent puddle in Renley's arms five days ago. Mika hoped Arrow wouldn't fall that far - but if it happened, he wouldn't be alone.</p><p>"I thought I was ready." Arrow forced out, his normally deep voice reduced to a whimper. "I knew it was coming... his age... I thought I was ready."</p><p>"I know. Me too." Said Mika, gripping Arrow's shoulder tightly.</p><p>"Of all the times..." Arrow choked out. His grip on composure was slipping. "He couldn't have stuck it out a few more years? He had to leave just as everything's falling to shit? And he said goodbye in a letter? What the fuck was he thinking?"</p><p>The last few words came out as a dry, angry sob as Arrow's body began to tremble violently, wracked by loss. A heart so full of love that suddenly had no outlet. So all it could do was break.</p><p>Mika didn't try to reason with him. He'd already done this days ago, been where Arrow was, so he knew there were no pretty words he could string together that would help. Arrow wasn't actually mad at Paris, and he'd realize that very soon. But for now, he simply cried. And all Mika could do was keep his arm wrapped tightly around him, and every now and then quietly remind Arrow that he was still there and he wasn't going anywhere.</p><p>"It's probably good you didn't come home right when I told you." Said Mika matter-of-factly once Arrow's sobs had abated. "Because then we both would've been complete write-offs at the same time. Locked in here together, no use to anyone." Mika clarified with a grim smile. "Lucky for you, I got this out of my system days ago."</p><p>Arrow nodded mutely and didn't speak for a few minutes as he slowly wiped his eyes and caught his breath. Eventually, he tilted his head to survey Mika studiously.</p><p>"You look good, Mika." Said Arrow simply.</p><p>"I feel good." Mika answered. It was the truth.</p><p>Arrow reached over and squeezed Mika's shoulder hard.</p><p>"I'm so proud of you." The tattooed Prince told him gruffly. Mika shrugged, and made a wry face at his best friend.</p><p>"Remember the morning after the exile, I was crying and throwing up on your couch... you told me you were never the same after Sarah, and that I'd never be the same after this? But that I'd find a new normal eventually?" Mika asked.</p><p>"I remember every single word we said to each other that day." Said Arrow solemnly.</p><p>"Yeah... at the time, I didn't believe you about the new normal. But you were right. I found it." Said Mika, looking across at Arrow, eyebrows raised. Arrow met his gaze and smiled wearily.</p><p>"And?" Arrow pressed.</p><p>"It's good." Mika answered with conviction. "It's not great, but it's good. And that's a lot more than I expected. I'm grateful. Couldn't have done it without you."</p><p>Then he smiled like Arrow hadn't seen him smile since that time at the Festival of the Undead when they were drunkenly dancing on a table surrounded by a sea of clamouring fans. Neither of them said it out loud, but only because each already knew what the other was thinking.</p><p>For the first time since last council, it started to feel like everything might someday be alright again.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> <strong>Now a note to the President, and the Government, and the judges of this place</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>We're still waitin' for you to bring our troops home, clean up that mess you made</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>'Cause it smells of blood and money across the Iraqi land</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>But it's so easy here to blind us with your "United We Stand"</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>And it ain't hard to see that this Country ain't free</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>So god if you can hear me, crash this train</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>Said god if you can hear me, crash this train</strong> </em>
</p><p> </p><p>It took all of Mika's negotiation skills, but eventually he persuaded Arrow to leave the Hall of Princes and take a trip to meet Dr. Jai Yang and have his bullets removed. Arrow returned several hours later, as contentedly stoned as Mika had been after his last trip to the infirmary. Arrow told Mika he could leave the Hall of Princes and go sleep in his own coffin, but as nice as that sounded, Mika was glad to just have his best friend nearby for the first time in far too long. Arrow slept off the remainder of his sedative in the spare coffin behind the thrones and eventually Mika dozed off as well, slouched comfortably in his throne.</p><p>Arrow grumbled and groaned emphatically many hours later when Mika eventually woke him up. Some things never change. But it didn't take much for him to fall back into his old routine - and it wasn't like he had a choice anyway. The mountain was filling up more and more by the hour and news from the field couldn't wait until after the funeral. But truth be told, both Princes were in their element. If only Paris had been there, it almost would have felt like old times.</p><p>As yet another lengthy meeting came to a close, Mika finally had a chance to get out of the Hall of Princes for a change of scenery. He was planning on heading down to the Hall of Khledon Lurt and grabbing a bite to eat, and mingle with some of the visiting vampires more casually; without the formal atmosphere of the Hall of Princes.</p><p>He told Arrow he'd be back before too long and headed for the doors. He held his palm up to the control panel, but before he made contact he heard the low, telltale hum and the doors whizzed open - seemingly of their own accord.</p><p>"Honey, I'm home!" Came Vancha's booming voice as he strode through the doors, arms held aloft. He almost collided with Mika who'd been standing right there."Don't tell me you've been waiting there for me this entire time!" The green-haired Prince laughed boisterously.</p><p>"Welcome back, Sire March." Mika greeted his colleague with a wry smile. "I thought I smelled you approaching."</p><p>Vancha let out a sharp bark of laughter and scooped Mika into a spine-warping hug.</p><p>"Well, at least one of us smells!" Vancha commented. "If you have time to bathe, clearly you aren't busy enough!"</p><p>"I'm plenty busy. It's all about time management. But I guess you can't relate to that." Said Mika.</p><p>"You know me. I live in the moment!" Vancha smirked. "I'm no you, I don't clutter my mind with schedules and deadlines and -"</p><p>"Trust me, I know." Mika cut him off. "We all know you operate on a different level than the rest of us."</p><p>"Thank you." Said Vancha, still grinning widely. Then his brazen smile faltered. "Been a while, hasn't it? I guess I owe you some condolences."</p><p>"It's okay. You lost Paris too... we're all in the same boat."</p><p>"I don't mean Paris, I'm referring to -"</p><p>Oh. Right. The other thing.</p><p>"My relationship publicly going up in smoke at the last council? That was going to be my next guess." Mika sighed.</p><p>"I've always liked how up-front you are, Mika." Said Vancha. "Very efficient. Yes, that's what I was getting at. I was as stunned to hear about Kurda's treachery as anyone, but I'm sorry you had to navigate that as a personal crisis while still doing your duty as a Prince. That must have been hell."</p><p>Mika held Vancha's gaze for a few moments, unsure how to respond. Mika and Vancha were polar opposites in many ways. Where Mika was calculated, Vancha was chaotic. When Mika played the long game, Vancha was impulsive. Mika tended to be too serious. Vancha sometimes wasn't serious enough. But what they had in common was that they both held their cards close to their chest when emotions were concerned. So on the rare occasion either of them spoke from the heart, it got people's attention. Even each other's. Especially each other's.</p><p>"That about covers it. It was a bad time but I'm doing better these days. Thanks for thinking of me." Said Mika evenly. Just because he could think about Kurda without coming unglued, didn't mean he wanted to. Vancha made his way up the aisle through to the front of the room and Mika walked at his side. Food could wait.</p><p>"Sire Arrow!" Vancha exclaimed with a salute as Arrow rose to greet him. "Glad to see that magnificent scalp of yours is as shiny as ever."</p><p>"I'd much rather have no hair than that green mess!" Arrow shot back, grinning. "Good to see you, brother. It's been far too long."</p><p>Arrow and Vancha embraced roughly, clapping each other loudly on the back.</p><p>"Indeed, we have been overdue for a reunion." Vancha agreed as they parted. Then his demeanour became more serious. "Although I wish it was under different circumstances." He added in a lower voice.</p><p>"I know. Me too. But we're all here now. And we can plan a farewell fit for the greatest vampire we'll ever know." Said Mika sincerely, as Arrow nodded in agreement. Vancha exhaled a long, weary sigh and glanced meaningfully at both Mika and Arrow in turn.</p><p>"There's nothing I want to do more than toast Paris's name and recount tales of his legacy." Said Vancha. "But before we get to all of that, I have news I need to share with both of you."</p><p>"Perfect. I love a good story." Said Mika, feeling his heart sink. Maybe it was premature, but for some reason he didn't have a good feeling about this.</p><p>"I assume you both remember the revelation I shared with you, shortly after each of your investitures had taken place. About my... upbringing?" Said Vancha as he settled in his throne. There was a sudden air of reservation about him that wasn't a regular feature. Mika sat down in his throne as well; it was directly beside Vancha's. Arrow's throne was on the other side of the row so he remained standing, arms crossed as he hovered anxiously in front of his colleagues</p><p>"Hard to forget something like that." Mika replied conversationally. Vancha's vampaneze origins were one of the clan's most heavily guarded secrets. At the time of Vancha's initiation, only the sitting Princes - Paris, Azis, Chok, and Lare knew the truth of the young man's past. After his own investiture, Vancha decided he would continue to maintain some semblance of transparency by sharing his secret with future Princes as they joined the ranks. First came Mika, then Arrow, and most recently Darren. And by association, Larten as well.</p><p>That was where Vancha's story ended - how he had no choice but to reveal his story to his companions after letting his vampaneze brother slip through his grasp. How his vampaneze brother that was apparently a full-time bodyguard to their damn Lord himself.</p><p>The silence as he finished was deafening.</p><p>"You might have some competition for the title of the clan's best negotiator, Mika." Vancha added wearily. "Young Sire Shan is a force of nature. I had no intention of coming down from that roof. All I wanted in that moment was for the sun to have its way with me. Had he not been there, you'd be planning two funerals right now. But you'd still only have one body... I'd be no more than a pile of ash."</p><p>"And I thought I was dramatic. I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish your encounter had a different outcome, but I'm just glad you got off the roof." Mika commented, shifting uncomfortably in his throne. None of Vancha's story had been easy to digest - least of all the desperate attempt on his own life. Mostly because Mika had circled that drain too. He hadn't gone as far as Vancha had, but he couldn't pretend he'd never stared into that black hole himself.</p><p>"Must've been a hell of a feeling when you thought you'd killed the real Vampaneze Lord." Arrow added bluntly. He'd moved from standing to sitting; slouched defeatedly in front of his two colleagues with his head in his hands. He was clearly still reeling from Vancha's story, and looked as distraught as though he'd been present for the event itself.</p><p>"So that's another one of our opportunities gone. That leaves three, plus the potential doomsday if we don't get our shit together before then." Mika added. He tried his best to keep his voice neutral, but he could hear the shade of disappointment in it. And he hated himself for it.</p><p>"I can do math too, Mika." Vancha snapped, abruptly defensive. He swivelled in his throne to glare hotly in Mika's direction. "I know you think you're smarter than Arrow and I put together, but I promise you I know what five minus two works out to."</p><p>Mika raised his hands unthreateningly. He had no desire to start anything right now.</p><p>"No, I don't think that at all. That isn't what I was getting at, I apologize. I was just thinking out loud." He told Vancha seriously, using his best negotiation voice - soothing without being patronizing. Whether he was dealing with a deadly enemy or convincing toddler-Gracie to go take a nap, the negotiation voice rarely failed him.</p><p>"It's just that... we need to be strategic. That's all Mika was saying."Arrow offered, looking up at Mika and Vancha in turn. "We have limited chances and limited time, based on what Tiny said when he was here. That's the reality we're facing."</p><p>"I'm well aware. But thank you for the reminder. As if I could forget if I tried." Said Vancha bitterly.</p><p>"Did Evanna tell you anything else?" Mika ventured.</p><p>"Nothing that'll tip the scales." Said Vancha. "All I know is that she's neutral. She always has been."</p><p>"Then that witch is no better than the enemy." Arrow growled. Vancha stiffened.</p><p>Here we go, thought Mika.</p><p>"You'd better watch your mouth." Vancha retorted, matching Arrow's gravelly tone. His eyes were flashing hotly with indignation. Arrow seemed to either not notice, or disregard it completely.</p><p>"Why? She's not doing a damn thing for us! What do I owe her? What do any of us owe her?" Arrow continued. Vancha's entire posture stiffened and his eyes narrowed icily. The green-haired Prince may have been more amicable than Mika or Arrow on average, but he could fly into a deadly rage as quickly as either of them.</p><p>"Easy..." Mika murmured warningly in Arrow's direction. His friend was treading dangerous waters. Any other time Mika would've broken out the popcorn to watch his two co-Princes square off. But this really wasn't the moment.</p><p>"Your respect! Every single one of us owes her our damn respect!" Vancha fired back, face reddening. Which, considering the state of his worse-than-usual sunburns, was pretty red.</p><p>"Maybe she should try earning it! Instead of lurking in the background and watching us fight to the death for her own entertainment! If she won't pick a side, she's no better than her meddling father!" Arrow thundered, callousness radiating from him. Mika winced internally. He loved Arrow like a brother. He'd have died for the man without hesitation. Although Arrow never had Mika's silver tongue, this outburst was dangerously ignorant even for him.</p><p>Clearly Vancha thought so too. He flew out of his throne with a vengeance. Arrow shot to his feet as well. Mika remained seated, but he didn't think he'd stay that way for much longer. Judging by the way Arrow and Vancha were staring daggers at each other, this wasn't going anywhere good.</p><p>"You reckless, thick-headed fool." Vancha snarled. He was standing squarely in front of Arrow. "Do you have any idea what you're saying? Of course you don't. The power she holds, you couldn't even wrap your acorn of a brain around it. I'll tell you one last time. Bite your damn tongue before your careless words come back to bite you!"</p><p>Most vampires had to stand on their tiptoes to look Arrow in the eye, but Vancha barely had to look up. Although Arrow was bigger, they were both man-shaped mountains. Then there was Mika, who wouldn't be considered small by anyone's standards - but he sure felt that way when Vancha and Arrow were around.</p><p>Mika couldn't spectate this any longer. He slowly stood up, positioning himself alongside Arrow and Vancha. Not between them, but ready to step in if he had to.</p><p>"Vancha, we're all grieving. Arrow knows Evanna isn't to be fucked with. He's just... frustrated. And he chose his words poorly." Mika kept his voice steady but punctuated the latter sentence with a stern, pointed glare at Arrow. "Remember why we're here. We're all on the same side. Let's all sit down, I'll have the kitchen staff bring us some food and ale."</p><p>But Vancha rounded on Mika, practically simmering with fury.</p><p>"You'd know all about poorly chosen words, wouldn't you?! You son of a bitch, Mika." Vancha spat, eyes narrowed. Mika arched an eyebrow. "You have no right to act this high and mighty when YOU YOURSELF almost brought the Hall of Princes crashing down because you thought you could tell Desmond Tiny off! Larten told me the whole story!"</p><p>"You weren't there, Vancha." Mika cut in. His voice was as soft as ever, but there was no mistaking the deadly chill in it. Vancha hadn't crossed the line yet, but he sure was dancing on it. The green-haired Prince rolled his eyes nastily.</p><p>"No wonder you're defending Arrow's blatant ignorance. Just two of a kind, aren't you?" Vancha sneered. "I may not be a fresh-smelling silver-tongued sophisticate like you, but don't you DARE stand there and act like you understand Desmond Tiny OR Evanna's motives better than I!"</p><p>"What is there to understand?" Arrow interrupted unhelpfully. "Sounds like she's has been pretty clear about her allegiances."</p><p>You've got to be kidding me, Mika thought.</p><p>"Would you shut the fuck up?" He snapped, momentarily turning his attention back to Arrow and throwing his hands in the air in frustration. "This isn't helping anyone! My gods, Arrow! I KNOW you know better than this! You're acting like a child! Grow up, or get out!"</p><p>"Don't you manage me, Mika." Arrow growled. There was something ominous flickering deep in his eyes. "Don't act like I didn't spend MONTHS going out of my way to keep YOU from committing career suicide after Kurda screwed us. I may not be a perfect Prince, but you are NOT better than me."</p><p>Vancha laughed coldly as he observed their interaction. But Mika had already shifted his attention away from Arrow - trying to reason with the tattooed Prince in moments like this was like talking to a rock. Presently, he had more words for Vancha than he did for Arrow.</p><p>"Alright March, let's back up a little. I need to make sure I'm understanding this properly." Mika said, punctuating the words with a dry, harsh laugh. His tone was relaxed once again, but his eyes were burning with as much poisonous spite as either of his colleagues. "So... you just came at ME for speaking impulsively in a moment of weakness when Desmond Tiny himself showed up here just to fuck with our heads..."</p><p>He paused for a moment. Vancha was still staring at him with an expression of disgust. Mika didn't match it, he kept his face purposely neutral.</p><p>"And now you're telling us that you wasted an opportunity to take out the Vampaneze Lord... because your estranged brother was on bodyguard duty? Have you realized your hypocrisy yet, or should I keep going?" Mika continued. He crossed his arms impassively, silently daring Vancha to challenge him. And knowing he would. Vancha's expression and body language ramped up into an entirely new level of rage. Mika was ready for it.</p><p>"Don't you dare." Vancha hissed, having to force the words out. "You have no idea the burden I'm carrying. I know I made a mistake, and I've been living with it every second since. But you have no bloody right to make that comparison. It's not the same thing, and I know you know that."</p><p>"Actually, I have every right to make that comparison." Mika replied. "I can't afford to care about your feelings right now, Vancha. I'm sure you love your brother, and I sympathize. But the fact remains that you failed the clan when you let him walk away-"</p><p>Mika would have gone on to finish that statement with "-just as I failed the clan when I risked Tiny's wrath" but he didn't get that far because Arrow cut him off with the refinement of a rusty axe blade.</p><p>"You have ZERO moral high ground over letting enemies go free!" Arrow bellowed, turning on Mika like a warship full of loaded cannons, his arms waving in the air as though words alone weren't enough to convey his outrage. "Vancha may not have been here to witness you practically BEGGING us to let the traitor Smahlt leave with his life. But I was here! So I can confidently say you lost EVERY right to open your mouth about letting your heart cloud your judgement!" There were drops of spittle flying from Arrow's mouth by the time he finished but Mika didn't register the tiny flecks that peppered his face. The edges of his vision were going dark, his limbs were going numb, and he could barely hear anything over his own racing heart and the blood rushing in his ears. It felt like the beginning of a panic attack - but it wasn't. He wasn't shutting down. He was gearing up. This was a welcome adrenaline rush. Vancha may have crossed the line, but Arrow had obliterated the line.</p><p>"And what would that have accomplished, Arrow? How much further ahead would we be if we'd slaughtered Kurda for putting everything on the line to save us?" Vancha snarled impatiently. "I would never condone his methods, but you and I BOTH know his intentions were-"</p><p>"KURDA SMAHLT BETRAYED US!" Arrow roared, with as much unfiltered loathing as the very night it happened. But Vancha seemed to have no interest in debating Arrow, and he flipped his gaze back to Mika.</p><p>"Fuck, Mika. I'm disappointed in you. For years I've watched this clan scoff at Kurda's every attempt to spark change. Then, against all apparent laws of the universe, you and him ended up together." Said Vancha through gritted teeth. "I thought surely it would it would be good for the clan. Or at the very least you'd start taking him seriously. I thought what you had with him was deep enough to handle a bit of compromise."</p><p>"Tread carefully, Sire March." Mika cut in softly, ice in his veins and white-hot rage on standby. Arrow had fallen still and silent in disbelief. He knew he'd gone too far calling Mika out like he had, but Vancha was well on his way to blowing Arrow's misfire out of the water entirely. Mika had already forgotten Arrow's harsh words - and Vancha wasn't even finished:</p><p>"But when Kurda found out about the prophecy..." the green-haired Prince continued, breathing heavily. "...he didn't even bother to tell you. YOU! The man he was allegedly in love with!"</p><p>"Vancha, I'm fucking warning you..."</p><p>"You know why he didn't tell you, Mika? Because he knew better than to waste his time!"</p><p>To recap: Vancha crossed the line. Then Arrow obliterated the line. And THEN Vancha bombed the entire playing field.</p><p>And it only hurt because it was true.</p><p> </p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em>To the mothers and the fathers who done the best they could</em> </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em>Raisin youngins in a messed up world, it ain't so understood</em> </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em>So I'll cover my ears, and my eyes, pretend that loves the same</em> </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em>'Cause with one courts signature, it all becomes erased</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Mika let out a feral snarl, a battlecry. But when he launched himself at Vancha like a missile, it wasn't on impulse. It wasn't a blinding fit of rage. He knew exactly what he was doing, and he'd been prepared to do it the second this conversation took a turn for the worse.</p><p>Mika's attack sent Vancha toppling backwards off the throne platform. The green-haired Prince landed heavily on his back and Mika did not pause to let him catch his breath before slamming his fist into Vancha's face. Once, twice, almost getting a third hit in before Vancha grabbed him by the throat and flipped him over.</p><p>Like Arrow, Vancha had both size and weight on his side. But Mika was no lightweight, and on top of that he was faster than Vancha or Arrow. He shot back to his feet in an instant and went at Vancha again. He landed a blow to the side of Vancha's head, and Vancha retaliated with a well-aimed punch of his own. Mika saw stars for a minute but this was hardly his first rodeo. His focus never wavered and he was launching another attack on Vancha when Arrow inserted himself into the fray. He shoved Vancha back, away from Mika, but Mika drove his fist full-speed into Arrow's jaw without hesitating and Arrow recoiled, spitting blood.</p><p>"STAY OUT OF MY WAY!" Mika roared at Arrow, so loudly he felt his throat might tear open and bleed.</p><p>"Still trying to fight each other's battles... some things never change." Said Vancha as he watched the other two boredly, even though blood trailed from his mouth and nose.</p><p>"Careful, March." Said Arrow, his face red and his voice a deathly rasp. "Come at me, and you'd best not miss."</p><p>"Well, consider me intimidated!" Said Vancha sarcastically. "I've always respected your protective instincts, Arrow. But perhaps it's time you channel that into helping end the war, rather than sticking up for Mika when he doesn't deserve it! Or bellowing about how much you hate the vampaneze! Because trust me, we get it! After a full century of your relentless rants, it's old news! It won't bring her back! MOVE ON!" Vancha's bitter, broken voice had risen to a hoarse shout by the time he finished.</p><p>Arrow was true to his word. When he flew at Vancha with the intensity of a thousand suns, he most assuredly did not miss. But Vancha was ready, and they set about seemingly trying to break each other into pieces. And when Mika joined the fray, he didn't give a damn which of them he was hitting as long as he was hitting something. At this moment, they could both go to hell for all he cared.</p><p>It was an unprecedentedly violent brawl, the likes of which the Hall of Princes had never seen. It was a three-man hurricane. A punching, kicking, biting sea of flailing limbs, pounding fists and grunted curses.</p><p>Naturally, a spectacle of that nature draws a crowd. But no one seemed to know what to do. Was there anything they could do? Their superiors seemed so hell-bent on tearing each other apart until there was nothing left of any of them. The worst part was, there appeared to be no sides in this three-way brawl. All any of them seemed to care about was doing as much damage to the others as they possibly could.</p><p>"ENOUGH!" Seba Nile's unmistakable voice rang out like a trumpet over the commotion, but it seemed the only vampires who didn't hear him were the ones that needed to. Seba stood at the front of the crowd, practically shaking in fury and disbelief while vampires continued to swarm into the hall. Eventually, there were three that rushed defiantly into the fray. Larten Crepsley, having arrived in the mountain not twenty minutes ago, bolted to Vancha immediately and dragged him away. Vancha didn't make it easy for him and Larten would undoubtedly have a few bruises of his own tomorrow.</p><p>Kaden Hale went to Arrow - she stepped in front of him, knowing there was no rage so overpowering it would cause him to lay a hand on her, not even accidentally. She was right. He stopped dead in his tracks at the sudden sight of her, his arms falling limply at his sides in surrender.</p><p>And last but not least, it was Renley Azerion who shoved his way through the crowd, not stopping until he'd locked both Mika's arms in a death grip and effectively immobilized him, ignoring the dark Prince's stream of semi-coherent cusses.</p><p>"Get your FUCKING hands off me!" Mika snarled at Renley as the General dragged him away from the others.</p><p>"So you can go back to committing three-way murder-suicide? I don't think so." Renley muttered in Mika's ear, panting from the effort of holding him back. "It's for your own good, honey. You'll thank me later."</p><p>Renley shoved him into one of the front pews and held his shoulders in a vice grip, effectively preventing Mika from getting back up to finish what he started.</p><p>"I can't believe you... so out of line..." Mika choked out, the overpowering metallic tang of his own blood getting the better of him. He almost gagged but managed to keep it down.</p><p>"Mika, look at yourself!" Renley groaned in exasperation. "Look at them! You're done for the day. You're all done. No one was winning that fight."</p><p>"I'm warning you..."</p><p>He tried to stand up again, but Renley's firm hold kept him in check.</p><p>"Normally you love it when I pin you down." Said Renley softly. "Just sit still for a second. Breathe."</p><p>Slowly Mika stopped struggling. As he relaxed, the adrenaline stopped pulsing. And when the adrenaline gave out, the pain was right there waiting for him.</p><p>"There. That's better..." Renley murmured, voice thick with relief as Mika leaned into him. "I got you."</p><p>"Wish you didn't."</p><p>"CLEAR THE HALL!" Seba roared at the onlookers, and they obeyed him instantly. Soon the room was empty aside from Seba, Vancha, Larten, Arrow, Kaden, Mika, and Renley.</p><p>"You three... the so-called noble sons of Vampire Mountain. Paris Skyle's chosen protégés. The remaining pillars of our clan... pathetic. I am disgusted in each and every one of you." Seba hissed. "Hale, Azerion - time to go. Larten, you are Sire Shan's proxy so you may remain for this."</p><p>"Anything you need to say, you can say in front of my star General. Hale stays." Arrow countered, crossing his arms obstinately. Kaden gave a curt, respectful nod. But a pink tinge crept into her cheeks.</p><p>"Have it your way, Sire." Seba replied testily.</p><p>Mika couldn't help but notice Renley's gaze dart to him, almost expectantly. He seemed to be waiting for Mika to echo Arrow's statement.</p><p>"I don't care if General Azerion stays or not." Said Mika noncommittally, shrugging and gesturing vaguely at Renley, who rolled his eyes.</p><p>"At this point, I neither do I." Seba huffed, sounding more irritable by the second. "I do not suppose anything I can say will embarrass you more than you have already embarrassed yourselves!"</p><p>"And I don't think any of us disagree with that." Vancha offered, his voice low and gravelly.</p><p>"Well! That certainly fixes everything! Thank you, Sire March!" Seba rumbled on, oozing enough sarcasm to put Mika to shame. "I cannot believe you! Carrying on, jumping at each other's throats like a pack of mad cubs! The night before your legendary mentor's final farewell, no less!"</p><p>"I know, it was ugly." Mika offered, putting his negotiation voice to work once again. He stood back up, swaying slightly. "It was an argument that simply got out of hand. I don't know what to tell you, Seba."</p><p>"You will have to do a lot better than that! This behaviour is unconscionable!" Seba fired back, and Mika's words died in his throat.</p><p>All three Princes were perfectly aware that they outranked the Quartermaster by a mile and could have had him escorted out with a single word, or a wave of their hand.</p><p>And not in a million years would any of them have even considered it. So they stood patiently and dutifully weathered the the old man's verbal barrage as he ranted about honour, decency, professionalism, and leadership.</p><p>"The three of you are hardly fit to manage a clown convention! Never mind lead the clan!" Seba finished vehemently, panting.</p><p>"Emotions are running high. This has been a challenging time. Grief got the better of us, and we all said things that should have been left unsaid." Said Arrow.</p><p>"Do not dare use grief as an excuse! Not only was this a disgrace to yourselves, but a catastrophic waste of time! Can you even wrap your heads around the scale of the ceremony that will be taking place here in the coming days? I know for a fact none of you have lived long enough to see anything like it!"</p><p>"Everything's ready, Seba..." Mika sighed. "The funeral is planned. Everything is set up. The staff know their jobs. I've written the eulogy. We're done. All we have to do now is say goodbye."</p><p>"Of course you wrote the eulogy yourself without so much as consulting anyone else." Vancha growled, face reddening again as he advanced on Mika. "It's not like either of us would've had anything to contribute! No, it's all about Mika Ver Leth!"</p><p>"Sorry, but I've seen you give a few speeches over the years. And I thought Paris deserved a little more than a few words scribbled on a scrap of toilet paper. Or do you even use toilet paper?" Mika retorted. And he had to admit, that was pretty bitchy. Even for him.</p><p>Vancha bristled.</p><p>"Gods, you're such a fucking cun-""</p><p>"MARCH. VER LETH. ENOUGH!" Seba bellowed, apoplectic with rage. He stepped swiftly between them with his arms aloft. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?"</p><p>"They're both emotionally-stunted basket cases with no game plan for this war, beyond wallowing in their mistakes, rather than moving on and doing something useful. That's what's wrong with them." Arrow grunted. Mika and Vancha both rounded on the tattooed Prince like a pair of incredulous wolves.</p><p>"THAT COMING FROM YOU?!" They both shouted in perfect unison, as though they'd rehearsed it.</p><p>"I said what I said!" Arrow carried on, crossing his arms obstinately. "I know you both think you're smarter than me! I know you still think I'm just a fragile, damaged widower! But let me remind you I'm the ONLY one here who hasn't dropped the ball this decade!"</p><p>"Oh, you're ready for round two, Arrow? Is that what you're getting at?" Said Vancha, moving towards Arrow. "Keep talking, I'll black your other eye."</p><p>"You're fucking right I'm ready for round two!" Arrow roared. "I'll take you both on! Any day, any time! You know why?! I'm SICK of this! I'm sick of YOU! If VANCHA hadn't placed the life of his vampaneze brother above the clan, we could have ended the war! We could be celebrating now! And if MIKA hadn't been so lovesick, so blinded by the treacherous, pacifist snake,THERE WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN A WAR IN THE FIRST PLACE."</p><p>So much for this blowing over. Adrenaline surged again, and suddenly Mika could no longer feel his injuries. He was ready to fight, and this time there was no force in the world strong enough to tear him away.</p><p>"You're dead, A." Mika whispered, voice cracking like sheet ice. "You're fucking dead. Give Paris my best. Not that you deserve to go to the same place as him."</p><p>Arrow's troubled eyes narrowed. He stared down at Mika with impassive coldness, almost hatred.</p><p>"Was Kurda worth it, Mika? Was he worth this?" Arrow hissed. One lonely tear trailed down his cheek. But that wasn't the reason Mika couldn't bring himself to run his first through his face again. He'd already done that. What had it accomplished? How much further ahead did all this senseless violence get them? What was the damn point?</p><p>What was the point of any of this?</p><p>Those were the questions Kurda used to ask. And all he got from anyone, including Mika, was a dismissive scoff or a barely-tolerant eye roll.</p><p>The room was so eerily silent you could hear a pin drop. When Mika finally spoke, his voice was so cold it could've shattered glass.</p><p>"Kurda was worth ten of you."</p><p>Then Mika turned his back on the rest of them. For the first time in a week, he walked back down the aisle and left the Hall of Princes.</p><p>And for the second time in his life, he didn't care if he ever went back.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> <strong>And it ain't hard to tell</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>When it's love we sell</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>So god if you can hear me, crash this train</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>Said god if you can hear me crash this train</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>God if you can hear me, crash this train</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong>I said god if you can hear me,</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Crash this train</strong> </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>BOOM. CIVIL WAR.</p><p>I truly was going for Tony Stark VS Steve Rogers Vs Thor vibes here (I know Thor wasn't in Civil War, but think about that scene in the Avengers 2012 when those 3 throw down while trying to bring Loki in at the beginning... MMMM. /chef's kiss/</p><p>I probably shouldn't tell you how tempted I was to use "Mmm Watcha Say" as the theme music for this one. You know, like that Gossip Girl family thanksgiving episode? Or the TikTok recreations of it? Yeah.</p><p>I hope you guys had a great Christmas holiday, and that you've all been staying safe and healthy. My area is reaching peak Phase 2 with Covid numbers breaking records from back in the spring. SO THAT'S COOL. I don't expect I'll be posting again before the new year (because that's like, really soon) so I hope the final days of 2020 are kind to you! If someone told me back in May that I'd still be writing into next year, I wouldn't have believed it. But here I am with this chaotic story, having the time of my life. Even when I'm complaining endlessly about it, the Dirty Chai AU has been the silver lining of my 2020. Uh, after my engagement of course.</p><p>As always, thank you from the bottom of my heart for sticking with me this far! Have a happy new year, guys. You deserve it. Please, just don't manifest anything for 2021. Don't set the bar high. Don't set the bar anywhere. Don't touch the bar at all.</p><p>Cheers!</p><p>- Roxy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. I Know Better</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Never be so polite, you forget your power<br/>Never wield such power, you forget to be polite<br/>And if I didn't know better, I'd think you were listening to me now</p><p>***</p><p>Tensions between the Princes aren't exactly resolved by the day of Paris's funeral. Mika's taking the high road, meanwhile Arrow can't even make it out of the ditch. But when the Kurdapocalypse inevitably comes up in dinner table conversation, an unexpected moment of raw honesty from Vancha gives Mika a lot to think about. Maybe Mika's saner than he gave himself credit for this whole time.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Happy New Year, gang! How's 2021 so far? I haven't left my apartment yet so it's hard to gauge. I got a lot of writing done on my holiday, so I'm feeling pretty good about it so far. Way back in the fall, my goal was to have Bloodine finished by the new year but it quickly became apparent that there was no realistic way I could do that. We're closing in on a critical turning point here, and I really need to do the ending justice after the blood, sweat, and tears I've poured in thus far.</p><p>One thing I feel like I should mention is that I NEVER intended to spread Paris's death/funeral over three long-ass chapters. It was supposed to be all in one. But if there's one thing I can't do, it's skip over emotionally charged dialogue. I NEED to deep-dive into that shit every single time. So Mika's first few hours of processing required an entire chapter (the longest one so far hah), and of course the three-way showdown (Mmmm, Watcha Say) between Mika, Arrow, and Vancha needed to be it's own deal. And now there's this one that focuses on them trying to get back on the same page and getting through the funeral itself. But I promise we're moving on after this.</p><p>Not to mention the segments with Renley just keep getting longer because unfortunately the bastard has grown on me. Which means I utterly failed in my intended purposes for him, but whatever. I'm sure some of y'all are raging at your screens rn but honestly Mika deserves a little TLC after the shitstorm he's been through, so I'm not sorry. But rest assured I have never taken my eyes off the One True Prize here. Every road has a detour.</p><p>Chapter 16: I Know Better</p><p>Song: Marjorie by Taylor Swift</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <strong>Never be so kind, you forget to be clever</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Never be so clever, you forget to be kind</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Mika didn't stop until he was back in his room. He hadn't left the Hall of Princes since Paris died, which was almost a week ago. Vancha and Arrow had been away from the mountain for years, but now they were both back - so between the two of them they could figure it out. Or duke it out. Whatever. Mika was fresh out of fucks to give.</p><p>He made his way over to his desk and slowly sunk down into his chair and with a shaking hand he poured himself a glass of water. Every movement sent waves of pain through his battered body - by his best guess, he had a few cracked ribs, a hell of a concussion, a handful of lacerations, and quite possibly a cracked collarbone. And he was fully aware that he'd gotten off lucky.</p><p>Seba was right - the fight was horrible and embarrassing and so unnecessary. Mika knew in his heart he was no better than Vancha or Arrow. He wanted nothing more than to take back the words he said, especially his cold judgement of Vancha's recent encounter with Gannen. Vancha was right - neither Mika nor Arrow had walked in his shoes. Vancha deserved better.</p><p>But Arrow didn't.</p><p>Suddenly, the very thought of his best friend filled Mika with resentment so overpowering it made his heart race and he had to take a long drink of water to re-centre himself. It was one thing for Vancha to make a jab; he hadn't been there for any of it. But Arrow had been there for the whole thing, start to finish. Had it not been Arrow who forced Mika to take a long, hard look at himself in that conversation that resulted in the long-overdue admission of his feelings for Kurda? Had Arrow not been by Mika's side for the ups and downs of the relationship that followed? Had he not been there for the final moments, a direct witness the look on Mika's face during the trial and sentencing?</p><p>Had Arrow just been acting the role of the loyal friend that entire time, while secretly thinking Mika was just a naive idiot who could have prevented this by keeping closer tabs on Kurda during their relationship?</p><p>Seven fucking years had passed between then and now. And if that was how Arrow still felt after all this time, Mika would've preferred if he'd been honest from the start. The night Arrow walked into this very room to see Mika on the floor surrounded by broken glass and blood, he steered him to safety while murmuring comforts like, "it's not your fault, you deserved better, you didn't know".</p><p>Maybe Arrow should've just said "well, serves you right", shut the door, and walked away. At least then Mika would've known where he actually stood.</p><p>A sudden knock jerked him back to reality, and he turned his body halfway around to glare at the closed door. Someone was certainly feeling brave.</p><p>"What?" He rasped.</p><p>"It's me..." Renley's voice drifted through the wood. He sounded frazzled, but resigned. "Just let me in."</p><p>"It's not locked."</p><p>Renley opened the door, gently shut it behind him, and made his way over to where Mika was sitting. He moved gingerly, as though expecting Mika to change his mind and go at him the way he'd gone after Vancha and Arrow earlier.</p><p>"I brought ice from the kitchen." Renley announced quietly, holding up a small cloth bag. "How you feeling?" He run his gaze surreptitiously over Mika's body. Mika was just wearing a t-shirt, so the bruises rapidly blossoming up and down his arms were in plain view. And were they ever vibrant.</p><p>"Gods, Ren... you know I hate stupid questions. We've been over this." Mika retorted, staring up at him blankly.</p><p>"You hate when people ask you if you're okay." Renley corrected him patiently. "Because you feel like there's only one correct answer, even if it means you have to lie. So instead I asked you how you're feeling. That way, you're not limited."</p><p>Okay, point to Renley.</p><p>"I feel like I had an entire mountain dropped on me." Mika answered.</p><p>"You fought Vancha and Arrow at the same time, so that's about the equivalent." Said Renley. He eased himself up onto Mika's desk and sat there.</p><p>"Yes, please feel free to sit on my desk." Mika told him sardonically.</p><p>"I'd sit in the chair, but you're in it." Said Renley with a breezy shrug. "May I?" He added hopefully, holding up the bag of ice. Mika knew there was no point in resisting, not to mention he was in excruciating pain, so he nodded. Renley looked relieved, and gently pressed the ice pack against the worst of the bruises, which was on Mika's collarbone. The sudden cold stung for a moment and Mika flinched, but within seconds he started to feel relief and he leaned into it, closing his eyes.</p><p>"Good to see you're drinking water. I thought you'd be into the whiskey now." Renley commented after a minute or two.</p><p>"I'm full of surprises." Mika mumbled without opening his eyes.</p><p>"I know you're being sarcastic, but yeah. You are, actually."</p><p>"Oh?"</p><p>"If someone bet me you'd be involved in a three-way death match with your two colleagues, let's just say I'd have lost that bet."</p><p>"I wasn't just involved. I started it." Said Mika grimly. Renley whistled in surprised.</p><p>"You're lucky you were able to walk away! How the hell did it get to that point?"</p><p>Mika opened his eyes only so he could peer sardonically up at Renley.</p><p>"That's above your pay grade, General."</p><p>"That line was only funny the first time." Ren grunted dispassionately. "I'm serious. What could possibly drive you three to go at each other that hard? I love a good fight as much as the next vampire, but my gods, Mika... that was a shit show. And right before Paris Skyle's funeral?"</p><p>"It started as an argument. Words were said. Points were made." Said Mika with finality. Renley wasn't satisfied with that answer.</p><p>"Mika..." Renley murmured, drawing out the second syllable, almost needily as he stroked Mika's bruised cheekbone with his fingertips. "Come on... talk to me."</p><p>"We were all taking shots at each other." Mika croaked bitterly. "And I was no better than either of them, don't get me wrong. But one thing led to another, and it sent me back to a place I'd rather not go."</p><p>Renley sighed wearily and cautiously reached out to place his hand on Mika's bloodied forearm.</p><p>"I heard what Arrow said about Kurda-"</p><p>"Of all the things I DON'T want to talk to you about..." Said Mika through gritted teeth. "I don't want to talk to you about Kurda the most."</p><p>"Fine." Said Renley. "I won't ask any more questions. All that matters now is you're in one piece."</p><p>"Debatable" Mika muttered, pressing his palm against his throbbing head.</p><p>"Well, you do look about ready to keel over and die... look at this, you're bleeding all over my perfectly good shirt!"</p><p>"For the second time this week, let me remind you I didn't ask you to sit here babysitting me." Said Mika bitterly.</p><p>"The fact that it happened twice in a week is pretty fucked up. But it says more about you than it does about me, you absolute disaster." Said Renley, with a note of affection that Mika didn't know how to process. Renley occupied himself by using his sleeve to carefully wipe some of the blood from Mika's nose and mouth. "You're lucky I was there. This could have been so much worse."</p><p>"Of all the vampires in this mountain right now..." Mika groaned, wincing in pain as Renley moved on to applying gentle pressure to a deep cut on the side of his forehead. "It had to be you."</p><p>"Aside from the two who were trying to knock your head off, I'm the only one in this place who's not afraid to manhandle you." Said Renley with a shrug, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Hey, let's get you to the medics. Yeah?"</p><p>"I'm good here, actually."</p><p>"Are you, Mika? This is your definition of 'good'? Because from what I can see-"</p><p>"Ren?"</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"If you really have nothing better to do than sit here, I need you to do it quietly."</p><p>"Counter-offer: I'll be quiet if you let me clean up some of those cuts." Said Renley in a would-be-casual manner, running his eyes critically over Mika's battered form.</p><p>"You're the boss, apparently." Mika muttered reluctantly. So they lapsed into silence. But Mika did pull open the left drawer of his desk, wordlessly showing Renley the small collection of ointment and bandages he kept there, just in case. So Renley got to work, which was fine by Mika because he was in no mood to go see the medics. And not because he was being proud or stoic or whatever. Because a trip to the medics would mean walking through the entire mountain, and having to see people on route. And right now, that prospect was awfully unappealing.</p><p>Mika eventually got up from his desk, limped over to his coffin (leaning heavily on Renley the whole time) and lay down carefully.</p><p>"I'll leave you in peace now." Said Renley quietly as Mika tucked himself in. "Get some rest. You're gonna need it."</p><p>"You can stay..." Mika replied, a little reluctantly. "If you want. I don't care."</p><p>"I thought you didn't like sleepovers. You've made it clear on several occasions you prefer the 'rail-then-bail' approach." Renley remarked wryly.</p><p>"Doesn't count if we skip the 'rail' part."</p><p>"Damn, now I know you're really concussed. Maybe I should call a medic."</p><p>"I mean, we can rail if you want. I'm almost positive I can still make it work." Said Mika, straight-faced.</p><p>"Oh my gods, Mika! I am not fucking you like this. It might just kill you!" Renley was unable entirely restrain himself from laughing, even as he slapped his forehead in exasperation.</p><p>"Wow. You have a lot of faith in yourself, Ren. Now I kind of want you to try."</p><p>"Do you remember that night at your homecoming feast? I kissed you in the hallway and then you were like-" Renley lowered his voice and took on a mocking, over-dramatic tone. "-'I am NEVER going to fuck you, Renley'-"</p><p>"In my defence, you were truly obnoxious that night. I could've killed you."</p><p>"- Then three months later you basically come crawling into my arms, all needy and touch-starved. Do you remember that?"</p><p>"If by needy and touch-starved you mean bored and vaguely horny, then sure." Mika replied impassively.</p><p>"Shut up and move over."</p><p>Renley climbed into the coffin alongside Mika. He kept his arms to himself so as not to aggravate Mika's damaged ribs. And eventually Mika was lulled to sleep by a combination of sheer exhaustion and the trail of gentle kisses Ren was leaving on his head, down his neck, and along the backs of his shoulders. And despite the pain, it was the best sleep he had in weeks. Curled up in a warm, safe place, buried in heavy blankets, and finally reunited with his beloved coffin.</p><p>Renley woke up early, he had to meet with some of his fellow Generals who were returning from the frontlines. He kissed Mika on the forehead, received an unaffectionate grunt in response, and carried on his way. And Mika went back to sleep for another two hours. He woke up slowly, allowing himself to sleep in out of spite. Not to mention his whole body still ached, so he had no desire to go anywhere in a hurry.</p><p>Sleeping in felt a little surreal - even when the mountain wasn't in chaos, Mika was ever the go-getter. He'd never been able to get into the habit of relaxing, not even on days when he should have. He just couldn't turn his brain off. Until now. Because when he went back up to the Hall of Princes, he'd have to deal with Arrow, or Vancha, or - gods forbid - both. Maybe he was being petty. Scratch that, he was definitely being petty. But it would be in everyone's best interest to keep things civil until after the funeral. Once that concluded, Arrow and Vancha would go back out to the field and Mika would remain here to oversee the war from the mountain side of things, as he'd agreed upon with Paris months ago.</p><p>Mika was at his desk, refreshing himself on meeting notes from the past few days and drinking a glass of whiskey on ice when Renley reappeared.</p><p>"Seriously?" Said Renley, wincing. "Hard liquor at this hour?" Then he paused. "You know what, never mind. That doesn't even make the top five most depraved things I've seen you do."</p><p>"Out of curiosity, what are the top five?" Mika inquired offhandedly.</p><p>"For starters, the time you ate a handful of coffee beans-"</p><p>"I didn't have time to make coffee." Said Mika defensively. He drained the last of the whiskey and graciously accepted Renley's offering. "Thanks, by the way."</p><p>"Don't thank me yet. Seba said you have to be in the Hall of Princes in half an hour." Renley replied sheepishly.</p><p>Mika arched an eyebrow.</p><p>"Well, I'm Seba's boss, actually. So I don't have to be anywhere."</p><p>"Whatever. I'm just the messenger." Said Renley, nibbling on a biscuit. Mika shrugged unconcernedly, and sampled a bacon strip. Crispy, delicious, perfection. Then he paused mid-bite and narrowed his eyes.</p><p>"Wait, why are you the messenger? Did you tell people you're checking up on me? Do people know you slept here?"</p><p>Renley tilted his head almost sympathetically, and gave Mika a funny little smile, and reached out to gently run his hand over his shoulder.</p><p>"Come on, Mika. I wouldn't do that to you. I know you want to keep your private life private and I don't blame you. Seba just saw me walking out of the Hall of Khledon Lurt with the plate. He knows we're friends, that's it." Renley explained patiently. "So asked me if I was on my way to you - and I wasn't about to lie to the Quartermaster. Then he said, and I quote-" Renley cleared his throat and adopted a stiff, formal tone to mimic Seba's: "'Sire Ver Leth does not deserve breakfast in bed. But that is very nice of you, General Azerion'."</p><p>"Well, he's correct on both accounts." Said Mika.</p><p>"Anyway, nobody knows about us. It's fine." Renley added. "Don't worry."</p><p>"Paris knew." Mika admitted bleakly. "I didn't tell him - he just figured it out. It was one of the last things we ever talked about."</p><p>Renley's face fell, and he put down the biscuit he was holding.</p><p>"Fuck... I'm so sorry. We don't have to talk about-"</p><p>"No. It's fine." Mika sighed. "He said you were good for me... and he was happy that I was happy."</p><p>"You told him you were happy?" Renley asked. There was a strange, curious luminance in his eyes, as though that concept wouldn't have occurred to him in a million years.</p><p>"No. It was implied." Said Mika flatly.</p><p>"...I make you happy?"</p><p>"Put it this way, you haven't made my life any worse."</p><p>"Wow." Said Renley, a slow grin lighting his face up like a sunrise. "Coming from you, that's practically a confession of love."</p><p>Mika looked up sharply, and Renley' wistful smile vanished. They both knew Mika was absolutely not fucking around with the L-word these days.</p><p>"Sorry. I shouldn't have said that. Poor phrasing." The General winced, shaking his head. "But you know what I meant, right?"</p><p>"Yeah. I knew." Said Mika, relaxing. "Well, I'd better get back at it. I'm sure Seba has a few more words for us before the funeral tomorrow."</p><p>"I thought you were Seba's boss." Renley chipped in, pressing his lips together.</p><p>"Only in theory." Mika sighed. "Just like how the Princes are technically equals - but we all knew Paris was king." Then he smiled wryly. "Just one of the many secrets we don't tell the Generals."</p><p>Renley threw his head back and laughed.</p><p>"Oh, we knew. It was painfully obvious." He chortled. Mika shot him a withering glare and he became more serious for a moment. "Look at the difference in age and experience between Paris and the rest of you. Of course there was a power imbalance. But now he's onto his next great adventure, and that leaves you three to figure out who's going to fill that role. And I only say three because I can't picture Darren stepping in the ring with you, Arrow, and Vancha." Renley added.</p><p>"No one's going to fill Paris's shoes." Mika argued, shaking his head. "That's not how it works. We're all on the same level."</p><p>Renley regarded Mika curiously, tilting his head. His mahogany eyes were unreadable.</p><p>"That's not what it looked like yesterday." Said the General after a pause. Mika closed his eyes and ran his hand through his hair, suddenly wanting nothing more than to go back to sleep.</p><p>"I can't really argue with that." Mika remarked. "Speaking of yesterday... I can't hide out in here any longer. As much as I'd like to." He slowly stood up from his chair, wincing slightly as his stiff body protested.</p><p>"You sure you're alright?" Renley asked. They both knew it was redundant.</p><p>"I'm the best." Mika replied, with a mystifying blend of sarcasm and pure conviction that no one else in the entire world could've quite pulled off.</p><p>"Whatever you say." Said Renley. His face remained an impassive mirror image of Mika's for a moment, but then he softened, and added: "Hang in there, angel. It'll get better."</p><p>Mika made a thoroughly disgusted face at him.</p><p>"Seriously?" Renley added reproachfully, arching an eyebrow at Mika. "You're truly demented, you know that?"</p><p>"Huh?"</p><p>"You make that face any time I refer to you as anything other than -" he went on to list to some of the more NSFW nicknames they tended to utilize in the coffin. "- but gods forbid I call you baby, or honey, or-"</p><p>"What's your point?" Said Mika, arching an eyebrow impatiently.</p><p>"I have no idea." Said Renley, rolling his eyes in exasperation. "Never mind. Have a great day at work... slut. There. You happy now?"</p><p>Mika laughed, because how could he not? Then he paused to give Renley a quick, lazy kiss on the temple before leaving the room.</p><p>"Thanks for putting up with me." Said Mika quietly. "See you later."</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>And if I didn't know better</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>I'd think you were talking to me now</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>If I didn't know better</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>I'd think you were still around</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>What died didn't stay dead</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>What died didn't stay dead</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>You're alive, you're alive in my head</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>What died didn't stay dead</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>What died didn't stay dead</em>
  </strong>
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  <strong>
    <em>You're alive, so alive</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Vancha and Arrow were both sitting in their thrones when Mika arrived in the Hall of Princes. Seba was in the corner, seemingly giving his staff their orders for the day. Larten was standing at Seba's side.</p><p>Mika had never been one to back down or shy away from anything. He looked both Arrow and Vancha dead in the eyes as he ascended the platform and took his seat between them. Vancha returned his look, while Arrow refused to make eye contact.</p><p>Their thrones went, from right to left: Arrow, Paris, Mika, Vancha. Seeing as Paris's throne was empty, that left a gap between Mika and Arrow, and Mika didn't mind in the slightest. He was within an arm's length of Vancha, though. And as he sat down, his green-haired colleague leaned towards him pointedly.</p><p>"Surprised you're back so soon." Said Vancha out of the corner of his mouth. "Thought you'd be out cold for at least a full twenty four hours after that scrap."</p><p>Mika regarded him coolly.</p><p>"You'll have to do better than that. You're not as tough as I remember." He told Vancha.</p><p>Vancha chortled amicably as though it was all a grand joke. Mika rolled his eyes and looked straight ahead.</p><p>Within minutes, Seba had dismissed his staff and came to stand in front of the three Princes, his hands on his hips sternly.</p><p>"And are we going to get through the funeral without any more childish foolery? Or are you going to have another brawl in the middle of the ceremony when one of you inevitably looks at the other the wrong way?!" He boomed up at them.</p><p>"I can't speak for the other two, but I personally intend to maintain decorum. At least until the funeral is over." Said Mika diplomatically.</p><p>"As do I." Vancha echoed.</p><p>"And I." Arrow added in a reluctant grunt.</p><p>Seba stared them down coldly for a few seconds, then he seemed to deflate.</p><p>"Come with me, all three of you." He sighed. "Larten, can you mind the Hall in their absence?"</p><p>Larten shook his head apprehensively.</p><p>"Alas, I am not a Prince. It would be improper."</p><p>"You were a Prince-Elect once, and you are Sire Shan's right hand." Seba huffed. "You will be fine. This is an extenuating circumstance."</p><p>Larten looked to Mika, Arrow, and Vancha who each shrugged in turn.</p><p>"We don't care." Said Arrow, much more casually than he probably should have. Mika and Vancha nodded their affirmation. Larten headed up the steps and sat down in Vancha's throne once it had been vacated.</p><p>Mika, Arrow, and Vancha followed Seba quietly out of the Hall of Princes, and through the long winding corridors of Vampire Mountain. Mika knew exactly where they were going, and it was a long walk. But he still couldn't entirely prepare himself for the moment they rounded the corner into a small, secluded room deep in the lower caverns to see Paris's body. The room was completely empty, but there were two solemn-faced guards flanking the doorway. There was a stone table in the middle of the room, and upon it lay Paris. He was wearing an immaculate white robe, and his arms were crossed peacefully over his chest. He could have been sleeping.</p><p>"Oh, gods..." Arrow moaned, stopping dead in his tracks.</p><p>"Eight hundred years." said Vancha, his voice a low rasp. "I can't believe he's gone."</p><p>Mika said nothing. There was nothing he left he could say. He'd already fallen to his knees, cried, screamed it out. He'd read his letter obediently, picked himself back up and carried on. That just about covered the mourning to-do list. But he hadn't seen the body til now. Maybe there'd been a screw knocked loose in the brawl or maybe his concussion was getting the better of him. Either way his brain was shutting down, leaving him with nothing but numb.</p><p>"I thought you'd want to see him. One last time." Said Seba hollowly.</p><p>Vancha approached the corpse, with an degree of apprehension that was most unlike him. When he reached the table he gripped Paris's hand in his own and stared straight down as silent tears fell from his eyes.</p><p>Arrow seemed to be imploding, as he had upon reading Paris's letter two days prior. He pressed his palms against his temples and turned his back on the others. He took a few directionless steps as though he felt the need to move his body in an effort to escape the onslaught of grief - but he didn't actually want to leave the room.</p><p>Driven by pure habit and instinct, Mika drew breath to reassure Arrow. He turned to go after him, bring him back from whatever dark place he was falling into, hug him through it. But Mika stopped himself. Arrow had just taken a battle axe to their friendship, after all. Mika didn't know what to say. Or if he should say anything.</p><p>"I'm sorry." Came Vancha's voice eventually, shaking and fractured as he clutched his one-time mentor's cold, lifeless hand. His head was bowed and his tears flowed freely."I let you down, Paris. I failed the clan. I'm so, so sorry."</p><p>The pain in Vancha's voice was heart-shattering. And Mika couldn't bite his tongue, because he'd been there. Gods, he'd been there a thousand times over since last council. Locked in his own head with the same cruel voice that was now torturing Vancha. And even when most of him knew the voice in his head was wrong, that of course it wasn't actually his fault... the voice was louder. It was always louder.</p><p>Mika exhaled slowly, and made his way over to the other side of the table, so he was standing across from Vancha on Paris's right side. Like Vancha, Mika clutched Paris's other hand in his own. He knew it would be cold. But he wasn't prepared for how cold, and he flinched.</p><p>Vancha slowly lifted his head and surveyed Mika out of puffy, haunted eyes that had seen too much. He leaned heavily against the table, his shoulders hunched under the pressure of a burden that was invisible, but Mika knew exactly how much it weighed because he carried his own same-but-different version.</p><p>"You didn't fail, Vancha. You didn't let us down when you let Gannen go." Said Mika firmly. "And for me to imply otherwise was wrong. I know better, but I let my emotions take over. And I hope you believe me when I tell you I'm sorry."</p><p>"I did fail. You'll never convince me otherwise." Vancha retorted hoarsely. "I'm not going to hold a grudge, Mika. I respect you far too much for that. But for you to throw it in my face... you, of all vampires. And not because you bent the rules to sentence Kurda. Because you know exactly how it feels to have a brother you'd do anything for."</p><p>Mika held Vancha's gaze steadily, even as the truth of the matter made his heart ache. Behind him, he heard Arrow exhale in dismay.</p><p>"I made a choice to leave that clan and join this one, that's on me. But Gannen is still my brother. Nothing he does will change that." Vancha croaked. "Paris saved my life, I owe him everything. But less than a decade after I outgrew his mentorship, he shows back up in this mountain with the pair of you. Already joined at the hip, inseparable. You have no idea what that felt like... having to watch you both live the life my brother and I deserved. While I fought tooth and nail to prove myself to the Princes back then, and nobody else knew my secret. I didn't have my brother to lean on when things were bad, or to celebrate my victories with. I was alone."</p><p>Arrow slowly wandered over to the table and stood at Paris's shoulder - between Mika and Vancha, but closer to Vancha. Arrow still seemed unable to look at Mika.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Vancha." Said Arrow. His voice was strange, unusually meek. "I wish it had been different for you."</p><p>"We can't change the past." Vancha grunted. "But we'd damn well better take a hard look at our future."</p><p>"You're right." Said Arrow with an affirmative nod. "And you were right about me. I'll never be able to look at the vampaneze clan without my personal grudge clouding my vision. But if I can't learn to separate that from my duties as a Prince, then I don't deserve a throne."</p><p>Vancha sighed heavily.</p><p>"Arrow, you earned that throne a thousand times over when you fought your way back all those years ago. I supported you then, and I support you now. That will never change. And I've never questioned your abilities to lead." He croaked.</p><p>"And you will always have my respect." Arrow replied earnestly. "I'll never forget how you helped me come back from what I thought there was no coming back from." Then he looked (apprehensively) to Mika at last. "Both of you. I wouldn't be here without you. And I don't mean my throne - I mean 'here' in general. I'd be long gone."</p><p>Mika stared blankly back at his best friend. It wasn't difficult to maintain an expression of chilly neutrality. While he didn't want to make Arrow feel worse, he wasn't exactly feeling emotionally generous towards him either. Vancha nodded wearily to Arrow, and then his gaze slowly shifted over to Mika.</p><p>"I stand by much of I said yesterday, even if my delivery was crude." Said Vancha in a low voice. "But not everything." He let out another pained sigh and his eyes softened plaintively. "Mika, what I said about you and Kurda... about why he didn't tell you... it was cruel, and it was wrong. It was an oversimplification of an impossible situation. I'm so sorry."</p><p>Mika exhaled and ran his hand through his hair defeatedly. He hadn't expected Vancha to wave the white flag this soon. He figured it'd be Arrow first.</p><p>"You went through hell and came out stronger - I should be toasting your honour, not ripping your old scars open. I can't take it back, but please know I wish I could." Vancha added.</p><p>Mika felt his throat start to burn and tighten, but he blinked furiously and shook his head.</p><p>"I deserved it for the shot I took at you. But it was a low blow, I'll give you that." Mika forced out, both his voice and limbs trembling. "And it only hurt because it was true. And I knew that beating the living shit out of you wouldn't make it any less true... but I tried anyway." He added weakly.</p><p>Then, to his utter surprise, Vancha walked to the other side of the table and pulled Mika into a hug so tight his injured body screamed in protest, yet welcomed the sudden comfort at the same time. Even though it smelled awful.</p><p>"No. It's not true, Mika. It's not." Vancha insisted, his voice cracking even more. "Kurda got caught in a web more complex than we can understand. I didn't walk in his shoes, nor did you. We can't change it. He did what he did, and we are where we are. And where we are is here. Paris may be gone, but we're still here."</p><p>"You still have brothers in this clan, Vancha." Mika heard Arrow rumble from the other side of the table as he and Vancha pulled apart. "Maybe not the one you wanted, but we're still a package deal. Hate to break it to you."</p><p>Mika felt a harsh jab of bitterness at Arrow's empty words. After ripping open Mika's long-healed wounds, he could've at leash attempted a half-assed apology before dropping heartfelt lines about brotherhood.</p><p>Vancha let out a noise that could have been either a laugh or a sob, there was no way to know. But he regained his composure quickly.</p><p>"Gods..." Vancha muttered reluctantly, wiping his eye. "I must be losing my edge, because I don't know how to exist in a world without Paris. And I know that's pathetic, but it's the truth. How are you two holding it together?"</p><p>That flipped a switch in Mika's brain and he started laughing uncontrollably, so much that it caused his battered ribs and bruised stomach to ache. But he still couldn't stop.</p><p>"He finally lost it." Arrow remarked.</p><p>"Oh gods... oh fuck..." Mika practically sobbed, barely able to breathe between onslaughts of laughter. "Vancha, you're so off the mark, you have no idea. Me?! Keeping it together?!"</p><p>"There is is... I always thought you had an bit of a crazy streak. You hide it well, but you never fooled me." Vancha smirked.</p><p>"When I found out about Paris I was the worst kind of mess. I screamed at Seba and then locked myself in the Hall of Princes alone. I had two and a half panic attacks in as many hours!" Mika managed to force out, still hysterical. "Then I finished the day strong with a nuclear fucking meltdown. On the floor. It was a catastrophe. Nobody is handling anything! Not me, and definitely not you two! Right, Seba? Seba?"</p><p>He glanced at the corner of the room where Seba had been standing. There was no trace of the red-cloaked Quartermaster.</p><p>"He was just there a minute ago. Where'd he go?" Vancha mused. Mika glanced around, no longer laughing.</p><p>"There's a reason he brought us all down here and left." Arrow offered, a slight crack to his voice. "He knew something needed to change before the ceremony... and he couldn't afford to wait for us to get there on our own."</p><p>"Bold move on his part." Said Mika drily. "The odds of us getting into another fistfight were just as likely. Probably more, actually."</p><p>"I guess we beat the odds, didn't we?" Vancha murmured, looking back down at Paris's peaceful face. Mika and Arrow did the same, and for several minutes the trio stood in silence over the mortal form of their great mentor.</p><p>"You know, I ended up sleeping in the same clothes I wore yesterday." Mika spoke up eventually. Both Arrow and Vancha looked up at him in confusion. "Because you both beat me up so thoroughly I literally couldn't bend my arms enough to take them off." He clarified wryly. Arrow's brow furrowed in concern, while Vancha chuckled ruefully.</p><p>"If it makes you feel better, I was spitting up blood for hours." The green-haired Prince admitted, winking.</p><p>"A little." Said Mika. "But where I was going with that, was that means Paris's eulogy should still be in my pocket where I left it yesterday... ah." He reached into his pocket and withdrew a piece of paper, folded up into a tiny square. Then he cautiously held it out. "Take some time to read it. Edit or add whatever you want. I only started writing it on my own because I needed the distraction. We can scrap it and write a whole new one for all I care."</p><p>Vancha's eyes met Mika's as he took the piece of paper, and they exchanged a small, knowing nod.</p><p>"I'm sure it's perfect." Said Vancha hoarsely.</p><p>"You were always better at this stuff than either of us." Arrow added, trying to catch Mika's eye. Mika acknowledged him with a polite nod, but nothing more.</p><p>Vancha slowly sat on the floor with his back against the wall, and Arrow sunk down next to him to read over his shoulder. Mika knew the whole thing forwards and backwards after spending six days crafting it, so he remained at Paris's side.</p><p>"I'm so sorry. You raised me better than this. But I'm going to be better now. I promise." Mika told Paris so quietly Arrow and Vancha couldn't even hear him from ten feet away. "Even in death may you be triumphant, Paris. You were right... I'll see you again someday. But first, I'm going to miss you for the rest of my life. And there's nothing you can do to stop me."</p><p>Mika stood there for a few minutes longer, before joining Arrow and Vancha on the floor. And they sat there for several hours, shoulder to shoulder, going over the eulogy and adding even more stories, memories, and life lessons they'd learned from Paris over the years. By the time they stood back up, the eulogy had doubled in length. It was probably a little too long-winded - but if there was one thing the three Princes could agree on, it was that the guests would just have to deal with it.</p><p>So, Mika and Vancha buried the hatchet. As did Arrow and Vancha. But there remained an unmistakable chill in the air between Mika and Arrow. They were civil to each other, and that was it. Arrow didn't seem to know what to say, and Mika simply had nothing to say. He was confident he'd gotten his point across when he told Arrow that Kurda was worth ten of him. The words had tumbled from his lips on impulse, but he didn't regret them.</p><p>Arrow and Vancha had both crossed the lines in that argument. But the difference was that Mika went for Vancha's throat first, regarding Gannen. It didn't make either of them right, but it did make them even. However, Arrow's underhanded comment about Kurda felt completely different. He'd intentionally set out to hit Mika where it hurt. And Arrow regretted it, it was written all over his face every time their eyes accidentally met. He wanted to apologize, but he couldn't bring himself to. Maybe he didn't know how. But that was fine by Mika because he was in no way prepared to accept any semblance of apology. Because there was one thing about Arrow's occasional emotionally-charged outbursts. So when he said - "if Mika hadn't been so lovesick, so blinded by the treacherous, pacifist snake, there wouldn't have been a war in the first place!" - he meant it.</p><p>First of all: Yes there would, idiot. The war would've looked different, but there was always going to be a war.</p><p>Second of all: Fuck you Arrow. Fuck you forever.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Never be so polite, you forget your power</strong>
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  <em>
    <strong>Never wield such power, you forget to be polite</strong>
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  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>The night of the funeral began in a frenzy of organized chaos. It was one of the few extenuating circumstances where the Hall of Princes would be allowed to remain empty.</p><p>Mika hadn't worn his funeral robes since Chok Yamada died around twenty years ago. He wasn't a fan, the material was stiff and itchy. Not to mention it was a bit of a battle to change into them, considering his body was still recovering from the fight and not exactly cooperating with him, particularly where lifting and bending his arms were concerned. He found himself wishing Renley was around to give him a hand, but he was busy preparing for the funeral ceremony with his fellow senior Generals. So Mika struggled into the formal set of robes with some difficulty. But when he eventually made it in and paused to check himself out in the mirror, he had to admit they looked sharp.</p><p>It would be his luck that the second he walked out of his room, he found himself face-to-face with Arrow who'd also just changed into his set of robes and was emerging from his own room - located directly across from Mika's.</p><p>Arrow's eyes immediately clouded over with panic and a red tinge crept into his cheeks - and it wasn't from anger. Arrow never had much of a poker face, so Mika could read him like a book. It was embarrassment. Humiliation. Guilt. And Mika simply did not have the time for it.</p><p>"Hey." Arrow mumbled, looking vaguely at Mika without making eye contact.</p><p>"Hey. Ready for the big show?" Mika inquired diplomatically. He didn't pause, though. He took an immediate right turn and began making his way down the long corridor. Arrow fell into step beside him.</p><p>"Yeah... no? I don't know." Said Arrow.</p><p>"Decisive as ever."</p><p>"I don't want to do this without you, Mika." Arrow replied, his voice taking on almost a whining edge.</p><p>"Well, you're in luck. I'm planning on attending." Said Mika. His tone was dead even, in stark contrast to Arrow's thinly veiled distress.</p><p>"You know what I mean! I can't handle this!" Arrow croaked. He reached for Mika's arm, and Mika pulled away sharply and walked a little faster. Arrow kept pace beside him determinedly. "I can't handle knowing you hate me, on top of everything else! Mika, I need you for this-"</p><p>Oh, for fuck's sake.</p><p>Mika stopped in his tracks and swung around to face Arrow directly.</p><p>"I. Don't. Care." Mika hissed, lacing each word with as much venom as he could muster. "I'm done being your emotional support system. Handle it on your own. Like you should've let me handle Kurda's exile from the start. Seeing as you were actually lying through your teeth the whole time you were picking me up off the floor and telling me-."</p><p>Arrow flinched as though he'd been struck.</p><p>"How can you say that?" He interrupted. "How could you possibly think-"</p><p>"You told me, Arrow! You fucking told me, remember?" Mika snarled. "You put up a good front, though. I always wondered if there was some tiny part of you that blamed me for not catching onto Kurda's plan before it was too late. I mean, I blamed myself for months after. But then you'd be right there, telling me it wasn't my fault, that it was out of my hands from the start."</p><p>Mika paused only long enough to take a breath, but it was enough time to see the tears pooling in Arrow's troubled eyes.</p><p>"I'm impressed with your restraint, A." Mika continued fiercely. "Can't imagine how hard it must've been to sit there and feed me all those comforting words when you didn't even believe them. I eventually started believing you, though. How fucked up is that?"</p><p>"No..." Arrow croaked. "It's not like that."</p><p>"Then what's it like, Arrow?" Mika fired back mercilessly. "And that's not rhetorical. I want you to tell me exactly what the fuck you meant."</p><p>"Mika..."</p><p>"Which was the lie? The words you strategically spoon-fed me, when you would've said anything to keep me focused and functional as the war started? Or the words that came out of your mouth yesterday after you had seven years to stew on it? I'm pretty sure I know. But humour me anyway."</p><p>"You know not that simple!" Arrow half-sobbed. Mika rolled his eyes unsympathetically. Like Mika, Arrow was a great Prince in his own way. But unlike Mika, Arrow would've made a terrible lawyer.</p><p>"I think it is, A." Said Mika coldly. "But no hard feelings, honestly. I don't know if what Kurda's betrayal was my fault, but I do know I'm done wasting time and energy on it. I've moved on. I'm just glad I finally know where you stand." He turned away and continuing his long walk down the corridor. This time he walked alone.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>And if I didn't know better</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>I'd think you were listening to me now</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>If I didn't know better</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>I'd think you were still around</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>What died didn't stay dead</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>What died didn't stay dead</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>You're alive, you're alive in my head</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>What died didn't stay dead</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>What died didn't stay dead</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>You're alive, so alive</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>The funeral ceremony went off without a hitch or a single flaw. Which wasn't to say it was easy - it was excruciating from start to finish.</p><p>The ceremony began in the Hall of Stahrvos Glen. Paris's body rested on a wooden platform, placed on a slab of polished stone at the front of the room. First, the Princes thanked everyone for making the journey despite the war raging outside the mountain. Then the higher-ranking Generals, along with some of the elder members of the clan recited their designated prayers and ritual odes to the Vampire Gods, ancient tales, and somber songs.</p><p>Seba gave a speech about Paris's formative years with the clan; he was the only one who'd been alive long enough to know Paris back then. Mika, Arrow, Vancha each read a segment of the official eulogy they'd co-written. By the time they were through, there were more than a few teary eyes and sniffles from around the room - some of which were poorly disguised as coughs. Then Larten shared a few words on Darren's behalf. Finally, the Generals and Elders recited another series of rites and prayers to draw that portion of the ceremony to conclusion.</p><p>Then began the mass exodus from the Hall of Stahrvos Glen down to the cavern where the cremation would take place. Seba led the procession out of the hall, escorted by the four highest ranking Generals, one of which being Renley. Mika, Arrow, Vancha, and Larten (as Darren's proxy) served as pallbearers, each holding up a corner of the wooden platform that bore Paris's body. Behind them walked the rest of the senior Generals, staff supervisors including Vanez Blane and Jai Yang, as well as the most respected clan elders.</p><p>Then the rest of the attendees, the hundreds upon hundreds, trailed behind them. It was a long, slow walk down to the lower portion of the mountain. Mika was in no hurry - at the end of this walk would come the final moment before he'd truly never see Paris again.</p><p>Even though it was inevitable, no amount of acceptance was enough for Mika to numb himself to the sight of Seba carefully placing a blazing torch at the base of the magnificent funeral pyre. He lingered there for a second before stepping back into the line where the Princes and Larten stood.</p><p>The flames rose higher and higher, and when they eventually enveloped Paris's body Mika couldn't stop himself from inhaling shakily. He was standing in the middle of the line, between Vancha and Arrow. Arrow kept his eyes trained straight ahead, but he brushed his elbow against Mika's for a fraction of a second, so lightly it could have been unintentional. But Mika knew it wasn't. Arrow didn't reach out telepathically, but the brief physical contact communicated what Arrow couldn't put into words. So Mika returned the gesture. His current resentment towards Arrow didn't yield. But for this moment suspended in time, it also didn't matter.</p><p>All three Princes, plus Seba, kept their composure til the bitter end. But when it finally came time to escape from that room, it wasn't a second too soon. There would be a little under an hour of downtime while the staff put the finishing touches on the feast preparations as the guests trickled up to the Hall of Khledon Lurt. None of the Princes were required to do anything or be anywhere in particular during that window, so Mika retreated to his room and cried as much as his cracked ribs and limited timeframe would allow. Which wasn't a whole lot, but it was better than nothing. Then he downed a few long drinks of his nicest bottle of liquor, stared himself down in the mirror until he could force his facial expression back to his default cool detachment, then dusted himself off and got back at it.</p><p>The feast hadn't started yet when Mika arrived in the Hall of Khledon Lurt, and the guests were milling around and socializing with one another. He could see the high table at which Arrow and Vancha were already seated; it was so close yet so far away. Mika was greeted with a steady stream condolences as he made his way through the crowd. He took it all in stride, stopping here and there to toast Paris's good name and thank the guests for their attendance and support.</p><p>He'd almost reached his destination when he felt a more familiar hand on his shoulder. He turned around to see Renley, standing there with a glass of whiskey on ice in his hand.</p><p>"My deepest sympathies for the loss of your great colleague, Sire." Said Renley in a lofty, formal manner that didn't give a single indication of the relationship they shared behind closed doors. They were standing in the middle of a great crowd, after all. "It was a ceremony worthy of his honour. And you gave a hell of a speech."</p><p>"Thank you, General Azerion." Mika replied evenly. "Sire Skyle will be terribly missed by many, but his rest is well-deserved. Even in death may he be triumphant."</p><p>Renley nodded respectfully and they both made the death's touch sign. Then Renley's face lightened and he handed Mika the glass of whiskey.</p><p>"Not like you would've had any trouble finding it on your own, but still... got your favourite." He murmured in an undertone.</p><p>"Always tastes better when someone else makes it for me." Said Mika, allowing a small smile before taking a sip. "Thanks, Ren... I appreciate it more than you know. I don't say it enough."</p><p>Renley shrugged in response.</p><p>"I'm not sure if you knew, but I lost my own mentor a few years ago... last council. He was one of the casualties in the Battle of the Tunnels." The General replied matter-of-factly.</p><p>Mika flinched. Nope, he hadn't known that. That sure didn't help Renley's vehement grudge against Kurda.</p><p>"Fuck. Sorry."</p><p>"Yeah... Carlin Hoff."</p><p>"I knew Carlin... I didn't realize he was your-"</p><p>"It's alright. It was kind of a hectic day for everyone." Said Renley, laughing hollowly. And Mika indulged in a dark chuckle too, seeing as that was the understatement of the century. "But I learned it's the little things that help the most. Because at times like these, little things are all we have." Renley added.</p><p>"Sometimes they're not as little as you think." Said Mika after a weighted pause. He gazed thoughtfully at Renley for a moment, thinking about the baffling way things had played out between them. Mere months ago, Renley had barely been a work friend, more of an acquaintance really. Not a bad vampire, but a conceited, smart-mouthed prick who reminded Mika so much of himself he almost punched him in the face. That weird, liquor-addled night when they made out in an empty hallway seconds after Renley blatantly voiced his less-than-stellar opinion of Kurda - but not because of his crimes against the clan. Because of his crimes against Mika personally. Then Desmond Tiny showed up the next day, and needless to say it was a long time before Mika had the mental bandwidth to spare Renley a second thought.</p><p>Then one thing led to another, and another, and another... And now Mika was standing here, having all but severed ties with his best friend of over two centuries, just barely survived the funeral of the most important person in his life. Surrounded by - or drowning in - a sea of people who adored him but didn't know him, having to plaster on a smile and repeat, "thanks for coming, we'll miss him, even in death may he be triumphant" on an infinite loop til the words lost all meaning.</p><p>But suddenly Renley was standing there beside him, armed with only a stiff drink and a few simple words. That was literally all it took for Mika to no longer felt like he was drowning. While everyone was shouting encouragement from the shore, Renley had been the one to throw him a lifeline.</p><p>Life's a fuckin' trip, isn't it?</p><p>Renley took his seat with his peers, and Mika carried on to the Princes' table and did the same.</p><p>"Well, we made it through the hard part, lads. Onwards and upwards." Said Vancha with a wayward grin, raising a mug of ale and toasting Mika and Arrow in turn. Vancha figured if there was ever a time to take a break from his tradition of drinking only water, milk, and blood - this was certainly it.</p><p>"Cheers." Said Arrow, his voice considerably more subdued than it normally was when glasses of ale were being raised. He'd gone back to avoiding eye contact with Mika.</p><p>"So what's next?" Mika inquired matter-of-factly.</p><p>"We pick up where we left off... Larten and I will link back up with Darren and Harkat..." Vancha looked up slowly, eyes blazing with quiet determination. "Then we'll scour the earth until we find the Vampaneze Lord. And when we've done that... we'll end this war once and for all."</p><p>"I'll drink to that." Said Mika wearily, taking a long sip.</p><p>"I don't like Tiny's 'three hunters only' rule." Arrow contributed. "I don't trust that man."</p><p>"Nobody likes it, and nobody trusts him. You think I jumped for joy when I found out?" Said Vancha tensely.</p><p>"There has to be a way around it!" Arrow pressed. "Surely there's a loophole, or maybe he was bluffing, or-"</p><p>"There's no way around it, Arrow." Vancha countered, shaking his head decisively. "I had Larten and Darren describe his visit to me, word for word, a dozen times over. I've replayed my conversation with Evanna even more times. We have to take them at their word. There's nothing else we can do. I'm sorry."</p><p>Arrow didn't like that response, it was obvious by the way he slammed his mug of ale down on the table.</p><p>"I hate being his puppet!" The tattooed Prince growled. "I hate this stupid, wasteful, futile war!"</p><p>Mika looked sharply over at him. He couldn't let that comment pass.</p><p>"What'd you just say?" Mika asked, raising an eyebrow skeptically. "I must be deaf, or losing my mind, because I could've sworn I just heard you use the words 'wasteful and futile' in reference to our clan launching open season on the vampaneze. When did that stop being a dream come true for you?"</p><p>Arrow's overall demeanour whiplashed from defiant to defensive, in the space of exactly one second.</p><p>"I never wanted this." Said Arrow gruffly, shaking his head. "There's a difference between private, mutually voluntary combat challenges and all-out war! I watched two of my best men die before my eyes last week. Do you think I relished that? Do you think I wouldn't give anything to put an end to it?"</p><p>"No. I know you would. So would I." Said Mika gravely.</p><p>"I'd lay my life down if it meant we didn't have to waste any more good vampires. I wouldn't hesitate." Arrow continued, his voice taking on an almost desperate note.</p><p>"But would you consider a unification of the clans?" Vancha asked softly. Mika watched the colour drain from Arrow's face. For a moment, Arrow gawked across at Vancha, slack-jawed and helpless. Then the moment passed and Arrow's face tightened back up into an impassive mask of obstinance.</p><p>"I'd die for our clan, and I'd burn in hellfire for all eternity if it would guarantee their safety and longevity." Said Arrow icily. "But THAT isn't on the table, Vancha. And as long as I have a throne in this mountain, it never will be."</p><p>Vancha stared back at Arrow, his face unreadable. Mika peered back and forth between them, trying to gauge what gears were turning in his colleague's minds.</p><p>"Fair enough." Said Vancha tonelessly. "I just wanted to see where you stood, and you answered as I expected you would. Thank you for your honesty."</p><p>Arrow narrowed his eyes suspiciously.</p><p>"Why? Is that YOUR idea of a solution?" Arrow growled.</p><p>"No, Arrow." Said Vancha wearily. "Do I think Kurda Smahlt had a point? Yes. Do I think a union is realistic or even possible at this point? Probably not. So we play Desmond Tiny's game and we pray to the gods we win. And trust me, no one hates that more than I do."</p><p>Arrow stared long and hard at Vancha. Gradually, Arrow's icy expression thawed until there was no trace of aggression, and he simply looked lost.</p><p>"I'll say one final thing." Vancha added in a grave undertone, casting his gaze back and forth between Mika and Arrow. "Neither of you are going to like it. If you want to throw hands over it, I accept your challenge in advance - providing we fight in private rather than in front of our guests."</p><p>"Well, don't keep us in suspense." Said Mika darkly, finishing his drink. Arrow just looked apprehensively back at Vancha like a kicked dog.</p><p>"This didn't have to happen. Kurda Smahlt could've served it all to us on a silver platter if we hadn't been so dismissive over the years." Vancha declared. "Now, listen carefully so not to twist my words: I don't like the terms that would have been forced if his investiture plan had succeeded. I wouldn't want to see the vampire clan absorbed by the vampaneze; it would have meant losing our identity. And whether or not that's preferable to a war is a matter of opinion. But that's neither here nor there."</p><p>He paused for a moment, as if waiting for either Mika or Arrow to jump down his throat. But Arrow didn't seem to know what to say, and Mika was much more interested in listening than speaking at this moment. So Vancha continued:</p><p>"When I say I wish Kurda had succeeded, I mean I wish he'd succeeded before the prophecy. I wish he'd gotten the support he needed in order to formally seek clan unity in a way that would give us the best of both worlds. And I wish it happened LONG before Kurda was forced into such a desperate act. Because, while I don't condone what he did, I can only imagine the fear he must have felt, and the private hell he must have endured. He will always have my respect."</p><p>No matter how many years passed, no matter how much Mika accepted it, memories of that time still caused his brain to short-circuit. He managed to keep his face neutral, but had to blink several times to re-focus his vision.</p><p>"So there it is, that's how I feel. I can't control what either of you think... you don't have to agree, but please consider my words before you react." Vancha concluded.</p><p>Arrow exhaled slowly, as though the effort caused him great pain. That came as a surprise to Mika. He was certain Arrow would go for Vancha's throat all over again and ensure a repeat performance of the recent fight. But Arrow simply folded his arms on the table and rested his head in them.</p><p>"I don't know how to feel, Vancha." Arrow groaned, not looking up. "I don't know what's right. I don't know what to do. I don't know anything anymore."</p><p>"You must be growing weary, Sire Arrow." Said Vancha crisply. "I was fully prepared for you to drive a fork through my eye socket."</p><p>Clearly Vancha had been thinking along the same lines Mika had. Arrow looked up slowly, his bloodshot eyes still framed by the black and blue souvenirs of their fight.</p><p>"Can it wait til tomorrow?" Arrow offered weakly. A rueful smile illuminated his face for a moment. Vancha let out a harsh bark of laughter, while Mika snorted derisively.</p><p>"Yes, brother." Vancha chuckled. "It can wait until tomorrow. For now, let us feast. This is still Paris's night, after all."</p><p>"I'll drink to that." Mika interjected loudly. He raised his glass high, prompting the others to do the same. Then Vancha pointed out his glass was empty, and they laughed some more. Rather than flag down a staff member for a refill, Mika made a trip over to the bar table to rectify the situation. But returned rolling an entire barrel of ale up to the table, to Vancha and Arrow's delight and the kitchen staff's exasperation.</p><p>So they drank, and ate, and drank some more. They laughed, they reminisced, and toasted Paris countless times. Mika felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders and he could tell the others felt the same. He wasn't ready to pick up his friendship with Arrow where it had been unceremoniously discarded, but he had no trouble carrying on with benign civility while Vancha was around to provide a buffer zone.</p><p>For a while, it seemed like Arrow thought the shift in mood indicated Mika had forgiven him. Then Vancha left to go use the water closet, leaving the other two alone at the table. Arrow looked to Mika with a hopeful smile, but the second Vancha departed, Mika was out of his seat to visit the neighbouring table under the guise of checking on Seba. He watched Arrow's face fall out of the corner of his eye. For a second, he almost felt bad. Then he heard those words in his head, as clear as they'd been two nights ago:</p><p>"Was Kurda worth it, Mika? Was he worth this?"</p><p>And Mika stood by his answer, rooted unshakeably in conviction. He'd never been entirely confident in the tiny piece of his heart that forgave Kurda. He'd chalked it up to being clouded by love, or PTSD or something. He'd spent seven years telling himself he was crazy because of it, convincing himself that something in his brain was broken.</p><p>But Vancha's carefully-chosen words just given Mika the validation he didn't even realize he'd been craving for seven damn years. It was an impossibly complicated situation, and maybe there weren't any right answers. But Mika finally knew one thing for certain: he wasn't crazy.</p><p>"Kurda was worth ten of you."</p><p>He meant it. He believed it. And he'd say it again.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>The autumn chill that wakes me up</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>You loved the amber skies so much</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Long limbs and frozen swims</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>You'd always go past where our feet could touch</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>And I complained the whole way there</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>The car ride back and up the stairs</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Eventually the feast concluded, leaving the attendees with only one thing left to do. Party 'til they passed out.</p><p>It was basically the Festival of the Undead. Actually, wilder. The atmosphere of the last Festival had been dampened by the message Harkat brought on behalf of Tiny just days prior - the first indication that something was wrong. Things escalated pretty quick after that. But now, all that horrifying shit was old news. The war had been raging for over half a decade, and the clan desperately needed this.</p><p>A few over-eager vampires had already relocated to the sporting halls, but most were still in the Hall of Khledon Lurt, drinking, singing, laughing, and catching up. At first Mika felt a little salted over how celebratory it all seemed. Because no matter how spectacularly Paris had lived and died, the fact remained that he still fucking died and Mika's world was still shattered. But he couldn't hold a grudge. He knew he was too close to the situation and was looking at it through a lens clouded by emotions that would have been more typical for a human than a vampire. And the more he observed the revellers, the more he relaxed.</p><p>Upon completion of the meal, the three Princes parted ways for some obligatory mingling. Arrow went to go catch up with Larten and Seba. Vancha sat down with a handful of Generals he hadn't seen in years. And Mika was happy to notice his old strike team was all sitting at the same table - Jakob, Marius, Osric, and Gareth. He'd spent five years in the field, fighting at their sides. They'd returned to the mountain with him, but hadn't stayed long. There was a war to win, and Mika Ver Leth's chosen crew were in high demand. They returned to the field within months, this time with Jakob stepping into Mika's role as commander, and Gareth (to Mika's complete astonishment) as his lieutenant.</p><p>Mika laughed earnestly when Jakob told him. Then he realized Jakob was actually being serious.</p><p>"I have to assume you know what you're doing, I guess." He told Jakob flatly upon regaining his composure. "No offence, Gareth."</p><p>"As always... offence taken regardless, Sire." Gareth replied with a wayward grin.</p><p>"General Tarl's not thaaat bad." Jakob insisted with a straight face. "His listening skills got a lot better once he started cleaning wax out of his ears on a regular basis."</p><p>"My ears were never the problem." Gareth retorted haughtily. "Once you learned how to give orders that were actually worth listening to, I didn't have a problem with falling in line."</p><p>"Whatever you say... General." Jakob lipped back, a sly gleam in his eyes that Mika had never seen before.</p><p>"Oh, so you do remember I technically outrank you?" Gareth countered, crossing his arms and rolling his eyes.</p><p>"When Sire Ver Leth tells you you're in charge, I'll happily do whatever you tell me." Said Jakob with a smirk. "But until that day comes, get used to being number two."</p><p>Then Gareth laughed, and cuffed Jakob upside the head, and Jakob laughed too. Funny, those two used to fight like cats and dogs. It gave Mika a weird sense of déjà-vu but It didn't dawn on him til hours later. Jakob and Gareth talked how Mika and Kurda used to talk, and looked at each other the same way too. Make of that what you will.</p><p>Mika lingered at their table for the better part of an hour, catching up on their latest adventures and offering advice where he could. Then Jakob told Mika he'd set a goal to start training to be a General - just as soon as the war was over. Mika was delighted, and promised his full support and to help train him when the time came.</p><p>Mika eventually carried on, and hopped from table to table to perform his due diligence as a steadfast leader. Although Mika tended to air more on the side of guarded than amicable, he still loved this. The little moments when he got to interact with the clan at eye-level, rather than staring down at them from his throne. He got the same overall consensus from every conversation he had. While most still believed they could win the war, they were also growing weary. Everyone had lost someone. Gone was the rah-rah exuberance that simmered in the air at the prospect of bloodlust, like it had at the start of the war. Every vampire in this room was still ready to fight to the death for the clan without hesitation, but now... they were just so tired.</p><p>And fuck, did Mika ever sympathize with that.</p><p>He circled down to the sporting halls eventually. He spied Larten sitting on the benches watching some of the sparring seasons that were taking place. Mika settled beside Larten, eager for an update on how Darren and Harkat were doing. Mika couldn't help but laugh at the news that Darren had been forced to enroll in high school. What a concept - a Vampire Prince sitting in a classroom, being forced to learn algebra or whatever the fuck. Peak comedy gold.</p><p>Then they talked about the war, the vampaneze, Evanna, Tiny. Then Larten switched from ale to wine, and three glasses later he was slamming his fist on the bench and loudly proclaiming how proud he was of Darren.</p><p>"That boy is stronger than I could ever hope to be!" Larten practically yelled in Mika's ear at one point.</p><p>"He's a tough kid. He's impressed all of us." Mika agreed patiently, not quite on Larten's level of intoxication yet. Larten rambled on fondly, and Mika half-listened, nodding every now and then. His eyes roamed around the room, taking in the lively chatter and good-natured sparring sessions. Mika wasn't quite in a place where he felt like participating himself, but he didn't mind living vicariously through them for a few minutes.</p><p>He felt a twinge as he saw Arrow in one of the corners, taking part in a darts tournament. The games were played in teams of two against two. Arrow and Kaden had gone undefeated for several rounds, and ironically enough, their latest opponent was Renley and one of his General friends.</p><p>Mika couldn't identify what exactly this sight was making him feel. But he did know that, if things had been just a tiny bit different, he'd be the other half of Renley's team. He'd be over there laughing with Arrow and their not-significant-but-kind-of-significant others, a little too drunk and much too competitive. Just like old times.</p><p>It was a close game, but Renley and his friend lost when Kaden drove a dart dead-centre into the bullseye. Arrow let out a roar of triumph and hoisted her onto his shoulder and they paraded around, hooting and hollering and waving their mugs of ale in the air.</p><p>Would he have told Arrow about Renley if the fight hadn't happened? Whatever Mika had with the General wasn't exactly serious, but it had become more than just distraction sex.</p><p>Mika knew exactly how this night would've gone if he'd spent it at his best friend's side.</p><p>They would've played a few rounds of darts, him, Arrow, Kaden, and Ren. Then later when they were alone, Arrow would've asked Mika if there was something between him and Renley. Mika would've been casually evasive, and Arrow would've rolled his eyes and said it was blatantly obvious. Then Mika would've laughed and admitted that although Renley wasn't his boyfriend, he did a pretty good impression of one. Then Arrow would've congratulated him on finding a ray of sunshine in an upside down world, and Mika would've thanked him. They probably would've hugged or something. And then Mika would've proceeded to grill Arrow relentlessly about his painfully apparent feelings for Kaden. Maybe even hammered some sense into that big bald head.</p><p>But it wasn't like that this time. By this point in the night, Mika was pretty sure he'd had an in-depth conversation with every single vampire in this place, except for his best friend. Mika was the centre of attention everywhere he went. They toasted his name, and shoved drinks into his hands at every turn. As always, he was every inch a celebrity. The golden son of Vampire Mountain had never felt more alone.</p><p>Eventually he wandered up to the Hall of Princes. His weary feet had carried him there with almost no direction from his brain. He was done. The party still raged all over the mountain, but Mika had nothing left to offer it. It wasn't that he had a bad time. in fact, he had a nice time - all things considered. He knew all along this wouldn't be a good day, but he'd even go so far as to say he handled it better than he expected.</p><p>With that said, he was glad it was over.</p><p>He headed in the direction of his throne, but found himself in Paris's instead. He didn't plan it, it was an automatic reaction. This was the first throne he ever sat in - long before he had his own. Paris let him "try it on for size" every now and then. Now it was a source of comfort. This was as close as he'd ever get to Paris again, so it was there he finally fell asleep. This particular chapter of his life had reached its end.</p><p>When he woke up, everything would pick up where it had left off. The staff would clean up the mountain until no trace of this party remained. The guests would leave, and many - too many - would return to the war. Some would never come back. Maybe the vampire clan could still win this. Maybe they were fucked. Maybe they were all fucked, vampires and vampaneze alike.</p><p>But Mika would take it as it came. Because he had to. Because the thousands of hours, the endless patience and effort Paris put into him over more than two centuries... all of that couldn't be for nothing.</p><p>It wouldn't be for nothing.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>I should've asked you questions</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>I should've asked you how to be</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Asked you to write it down for me</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Should've kept every grocery store receipt</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>'Cause every scrap of you would be taken from me</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Watched as you signed your name Marjorie</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>All your closets of backlogged dreams</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>And how you left them all to me</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>95 YEARS AGO:</strong>
</p><p>Have you ever had a day so perfect you couldn't believe it was your life? Have the stars ever lined up for you in a way that suggested you'd actually been the centre of the universe this whole time, and you just didn't realize it til now? Have you ever pinched yourself and been afraid you'd suddenly wake up to find it was all a dream? Do you remember the rush you felt when you realized it wasn't?</p><p>Now take that multiply it by a hundred, and that was the day of Mika's investiture. The day all his years of backbreaking work, sleepless days, decades of training that was both physically and mentally gruelling... finally, it all paid off. He did it. He was living the dream that had only been real in his head until now. And somehow it was even better than he could have imagined.</p><p>The post-investiture party had started dying down when Mika eventually staggered up to the Hall of Princes. It wasn't like he needed to be there at that moment, his official duty technically hadn't started. He didn't remember why he went up there in the first place - he figured he probably just wanted to go admire his throne some more. He didn't think anyone would be there, but Paris was.</p><p>Mika had been awake for about two days straight and was running on nothing but adrenaline and liquor by that point. His voice was reduced to a hoarse croak from the amount of talking, yelling, cheering, and singing that always occurred at a Vampire Mountain party. He looked about ready to fall over and die, but that wasn't what Paris chose to focus on as Mika sat down in the throne beside him.</p><p>"I didn't know you were capable of looking so happy." The one-eared Prince teased, winking.</p><p>Mika reached over and swatted his beloved mentor playfully on the shoulder.</p><p>"Been saving it all for tonight. I don't have an indefinite supply. Need to use it wisely." Mika smirked, grinning hazily at Paris.</p><p>"Well, I don't expect you'll find a worthier occasion than this." Said Paris. Then his face became more serious, and he turned to look at his freshly-minted colleague directly. "I'm so proud of you, Mika. More proud than I can begin to explain. You've accomplished incredible things - and you're just getting started." He added in a murmur.</p><p>Mika seemed to sober up at those words. He stared back at Paris for a few seconds, almost curiously.</p><p>"You say that like you didn't build me from the ground up. Everything I am is because of you." He told Paris at last. "I wouldn't be here without you."</p><p>Paris looked Mika dead in the eye. Those ancient blue eyes were always so captivating.</p><p>"Long before you were a vampire, you were already a force of nature." Said Paris firmly. "Remember the night we met? Within five minutes, I knew you were born for greatness. I knew it before I even knew your name. I may have pointed you in the right direction, but make no mistake, Mika. If you hadn't been willing to work as hard as you did, no amount of help for me would have gotten you here. Everything you are is because of you. This was always your destiny."</p><p>Mika always knew what to say. He could craft a concise, intelligent response for just about anything, and he could do it on the fly. That was one of his most valuable weapons as a politician and a leader.</p><p>But the great Mika Ver Leth didn't have a response for this. All he could do was stare back at Paris through blurring eyes and try not to cry at his own damn party.</p><p>"Well, you helped a little." He muttered at last.</p><p>"Fine." Paris agreed, his eyes twinkling once more. "I helped a little."</p><p>They lapsed into a comfortable silence, the first of many that would hang between them as they sat on these thrones as co-Princes.</p><p>"Paris?" Mika spoke up eventually.</p><p>"Yes?"</p><p>"You're still going to tell me what to do, right? Not all the time. Just... every now and then?"</p><p>"You don't need my help, Mika. You may be young, but you're as qualified for the position as I. That's the whole reason they threw this party for you, remember?" Paris insisted, still smiling while shaking his head gently. Mika frowned.</p><p>"...Humour me anyway?" Said Mika quietly, with a shade of insecurity that Paris didn't recognize. He sighed and looked over at his one-time apprentice. He extended his gnarled, wrinkled arm across the empty space between their thrones, and gently squeezed Mika's hand.</p><p>"Of course I will." Paris whispered. "I promise you don't need me nearly as much as you think you do. But you'll figure that out on your own. And no matter what happens, I will be with you."</p><p>"Thanks, Paris. That's all I needed to hear."</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>What died didn't stay dead</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>What died didn't stay dead</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>You're alive, you're alive in my head</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>What died didn't stay dead</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>What died didn't stay dead</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>You're alive, so alive</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>And if I didn't know better</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>I'd think you were singing to me now</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>If I didn't know better</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>I'd think you were still around</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>I know better</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>But I still feel you all around</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>I know better</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>But you're still around</strong>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Honestly guys, in an earlier version of this I had Mika and Arrow making up within MINUTES of the fight. But I read it over and was like... nah. We've done this before, early on in Endgame, the first time they scrapped about Kurda drama. Not this time. Mika is entitled to hold a little grudge here while still being a mature adult about it.</p><p>Also sorry if I ruined Vancha. I'm good at writing the characters I'm personally passionate about, and very much sub-par at anything beyond that.</p><p>If you're following/enjoying this story, it would be absolutely HUGE if you'd take 10 seconds to leave a comment. I love silent lurkers and frequent commenters alike. I'm overjoyed that you're reading this, even if I don't know you're reading it. But it helps to know you're out there. So please, hit me with that sweet sweet dopamine. You don't have to log in or make an account or whatever, it can be as a guest. Means just as much to me either way.</p><p>Thanks for joining me! Wishing you health and safety going into 2021 :)</p><p>- Roxy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Moment Of Truth</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A warning to the people, the good and the evil,<br/>This is war.<br/>To the soldier, the civilian, the martyr, the victim,<br/>This is war.</p><p>***</p><p>In a moment of weakness, Kurda reveals a truth to Vancha he's been carrying since his failed investiture - something Mika doesn't even know. Meanwhile back in Vampire Mountain, Renley proclaims his own moment of truth, which throws Mika for a hell of a loop. (As if he hasn't had enough loops lately, right?) </p><p>Then a vampaneze interference hits both Mika and Kurda a little too close to home, and suddenly nothing else matters.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello hello we are back in business here for chapter... 17? PARDON THE F- okay I shouldn't be surprised. I've already made this series 3x as long as it was meant to be. Honestly I could end Bloodline right here and launch into a fifth but that'd just be embarrassing at this point since I've already done it 3 times.</p><p>This chapter has a lot going on. You might laugh. You might cry. You'll almost certainly look up from your screen with a deadpan stare like Jim on the office thinking "are you FUCKING kidding me?" and curse my name. It is what it is, folks.</p><p>Chapter 17: Moment Of Truth</p><p>Song: This Is War by 30 Seconds To Mars</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <strong>A warning to the people,</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>The good and the evil,</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>This is war.</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>To the soldier, the civilian,</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>The martyr, the victim,</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>This is war.</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>After seven and a half years of trying to make his life mean something again, Kurda had given up.</p><p>For a while, he really had a good thing going for himself. It wasn't exactly great, but it was pretty good. He worked part-time and volunteered as much as he could. He had a house. He kind-of-sort-of made peace with Mika. Maybe peace was a strong word, but they'd reached something of an understanding during the unexpected, emotional roller-coaster of a night they'd spent together.</p><p>He was in regular contact with Gracie via mail. At one point he mentioned he had a cell phone now; that she could call him if she felt inclined. She wasn't ready to hear his voice yet, and he understood completely. She was still very guarded with him, but the fact that she wanted to talk to him at all was better than he'd ever dreamed of. He even had a boyfriend for a little while. He knew he could never truly settle down with Nathan, because that would mean Kurda coming clean about who he really was. And that just wasn't on the table. But it was nice while it lasted.</p><p>Then it all fell apart. In a momentary lapse of judgement, he accidentally injured Nathan with his vampiric strength - a panic response, a desperate distraction effort gone wrong after he accidentally moaned Mika's name in bed. To add insult to injury.</p><p>Nathan would've overlooked it, but Kurda couldn't. He couldn't take it any further with Nathan, knowing their entire relationship was built on lies. So Kurda ended it, and proceeded to succumb to a highly uncharacteristic bender. He probably could've bounced back from that in itself, but then Desmond Tiny walked into his fucking living room. Ever since that night Kurda felt like his brain had been sizzling in a deep fryer. He couldn't think. Couldn't focus on anything but trying to figure out what the hell it meant, and what his role in the world was supposed to be. Had Tiny just come to torture him, like a cat with a mouse? Or was there something more under the surface?</p><p>Kurda quit his job. He stopped volunteering. He still had his cottage, but it no longer had hydro or running water seeing as he had no money to pay the bills. He lived off the land now, hunting all his food in the forest and drinking from steams. It was rough, he barely recognized himself when he looked in the mirror now.</p><p>Then he found out Paris had died, via an unexpected telepathic message from Vancha. And he was physically incapable of not reaching out to Mika. He didn't know what would happen, but he had to try.</p><p>He didn't know if he felt better or worse afterwards. He could tell Mika wasn't in a good place during their brief telepathic exchange. He was masking it well, because that's what Mika does, but Kurda knew him better than that. All he wanted in the world was to flit to Vampire Mountain and just... well, he didn't know exactly what he would've done. He knew full well he'd be executed by the guards the second he set foot anywhere near the mountain, but being alive wasn't all that appealing right now either.</p><p>Time had lost all meaning. It was maybe two and a half weeks after that conversation when Kurda heard a loud knock on his door. A jolt of panic shocked him awake, prior to that moment he'd been flaked out on the couch with a half-empty bottle of wine in his hand, all but passed out. So much for that. The last time he'd had a house guest, it had pretty much been the devil himself. He still saw Tiny's cruel eyes in his dreams every night.</p><p>He stumbled to the kitchen and found the dagger he kept there, the only weapon he took with him from Vampire Mountain, then he cautiously advanced on the door.</p><p>"Who's there? I'm armed." He growled, barely recognizing the rasp that issued from his mouth.</p><p>"That's not very pacifist of you." Came a familiar voice from the other side of the door. It took Kurda a fraction of a second to place it, but as soon as it clicked, he put the blade back in its sheath and opened the door.</p><p>A tall man with spiked green hair and sun-damaged skin was standing there on his porch. He was dressed head-to-toe in purple hides, a collection of throwing stars strapped to his belt, and smiling as casually as though they had a lunch date.</p><p>"Van- I mean - Sire March?!" Kurda choked out, jaw slackening in disbelief. "How... what are you doing here?!"</p><p>"I was in the area." Vancha shrugged. "Just on my way back from Vampire Mountain, actually. Sire Skyle's funeral was last week."</p><p>"Ah, yes." Said Kurda weakly. "Thanks again for telling me when he passed. I really appreciated it. I would've attended to pay my respects, you know... if circumstances were different."</p><p>"You're welcome. And I know you would have." Said Vancha simply. Then he glanced upwards. "Is this your house?"</p><p>Kurda laughed weakly.</p><p>"It is indeed. Bit of a long story. You can come in, if you'd like."</p><p>"I'd like." Said Vancha with an affirmative nod. Kurda retreated inside and Vancha followed him.</p><p>"I apologize for the mess, Sire. I'd have cleaned up if I knew you were coming." Kurda offered wearily.</p><p>"Smahlt, who do you think you're talking to?" Vancha cackled, clearly amused by Kurda's self-consciousness. "Think I give a damn that your home isn't spotless? I haven't bathed in six months!"</p><p>"I'd never guess, Sire." Said Kurda with a wry smile. He was surprised he hadn't smelled Vancha approaching. That was one of the things Kurda liked about being with Mika - he shared Kurda's interest in regular bathing. Although Vancha took it to an extreme, decent hygiene wasn't exactly common in the vampire clan.</p><p>"Please, sit down. Can I get you anything to drink? I have... uhh... half a bottle of wine, a can of coke, some cold coffee, a bucket of stream water, and a couple vials of blood." Kurda offered with a grimace.</p><p>"Very generous of you, but I'm fine." Said Vancha politely.</p><p>"How about food? I have a bit of leftover deer meat." Kurda added.</p><p>"I suppose I could do with a snack!" Said Vancha contentedly. "I sure hope it's not cooked!"</p><p>"I don't do much cooking these days." Said Kurda weakly. He retreated to his cold cellar for a minute, and returned with two plates of raw meat. Vancha's eyes lit up enthusiastically. "I've inadvertently been modelling my lifestyle after yours recently."</p><p>"I could tell." Vancha chuckled. "That flashy golden hair of yours doesn't look like you've brushed it today, never mind this year. Honestly, for a second I thought I was at the wrong house. Barely recognized you."</p><p>"I don't recognize myself anymore." Kurda responded flatly. "How'd you find me? Did Mika tell you where I lived?"</p><p>"Nah. I checked for you in the Stone of Blood before I left the mountain. I'm sure he would've told me if I asked, but I didn't tell anyone I was planning on visiting you." Vancha explained, nibbling on the meat. "This is delicious, by the way."</p><p>"Full credit to the deer for that." Said Kurda. "I didn't do a thing other than cut and clean it. No added seasoning or anything."</p><p>"Pfft. Why would anyone add extra flavour? That would dull the taste of the meat!" Vancha snorted.</p><p>"You've got me there." Said Kurda with a half-hearted laugh. They ate in silence for a few minutes. Until Kurda couldn't hold back a second longer: "If you don't mind me asking, Sire... why are you here?"</p><p>"Straight to the point, aye Smahlt?" Vancha smirked.</p><p>"With all due respect, I don't get many visitors these days." Said Kurda earnestly. "Being exiled and all. Not that I mind having some company... but I have to assume you're here for a reason."</p><p>"Alright, here it is: last year, Desmond Tiny visited Vampire Mountain. Now, I wasn't there. But the others told me that - what's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost." Vancha paused, staring back at Kurda with great concern. And Kurda knew why, the mention of Desmond Tiny had caused the blood to drain from his face.</p><p>"I already knew Tiny visited the mountain." Kurda croaked. Vancha narrowed his eyes.</p><p>"Mika told you?"</p><p>"No... Tiny showed up here and told me himself."</p><p>Now Vancha was the one who looked like he'd seen a ghost.</p><p>"He WHAT?!"</p><p>"I thought I was having a nightmare but I never woke up." Kurda whispered, his voice cracking. "He... he's as scary as all the legends say."</p><p>"What did he want with you?" Vancha urged.</p><p>"That was the strangest part." Said Kurda. He closed his eyes and shuddered at the sight of those little webbed feet kicking off the green boots at the door. "He didn't really want anything from me. He even said so."</p><p>"What did he say, exactly?" Vancha pressed. "Do you remember?"</p><p>Kurda let out a harsh, humourless bark of laughter.</p><p>"I remember every word. It plays on a loop in my head every time I close my eyes."</p><p>"Tell me."</p><p>"First he told me he visited the mountain... making a point to mention Mika talked back to him, or something-"</p><p>"Idiot." Vancha grunted disdainfully. "Sorry, go on." He added as Kurda arched an eyebrow.</p><p>"He told me how he almost had Mika killed for it. Then he described how much he relished terrorizing the whole mountain when he started crumbling the Hall of Princes."</p><p>"I see. What was the purpose of his visit with you? Was there one?"</p><p>"This is where it gets weird. Well, weirder. He claimed it was a social visit... he wanted to congratulate me in person for ruining his plans. That all his planning went down the drain. And that it was somehow my fault." Kurda murmured, hearing the man's voice in his head as he recalled those words. "He said that me walking away with my life after betraying wasn't one of the outcomes he'd predicted. He made it sound like I really inconvenienced him. I don't know what to make of it."</p><p>Vancha said nothing. He was watching Kurda intently, so Kurda carried on:</p><p>"I asked him why he went to Vampire Mountain, and he said that wasn't for me to know, because I'm legally dead to the clan."</p><p>"He said something similar when he met with the other Princes too." Said Vancha suddenly. "I've only had Larten describe it to me about a hundred times now, I feel like I was there... Tiny implied to the other Princes that they blew the clan's first opportunity for peace when they had you arrested and exiled. Darren asked him if it was too late for you to have a hand in the outcome of the war... Tiny laughed and said since you were legally considered dead to the clan, it was irrelevant."</p><p>"What does that mean?" Kurda groaned, running his hands through his hair and wincing as his fingers snagged on the tangles that he wasn't used to having there.</p><p>"Fuck if I know." Vancha murmured sombrely.</p><p>"What else did he say when he visited Vampire Mountain?" Kurda asked. He wasn't sure if he wanted to know.</p><p>"I'll tell you. You're going to be glad you're sitting down for this."</p><p>Vancha launched into a detailed summary of everything he knew about the meeting in Vampire Mountain, the revelation that the Vampaneze Lord had been half-blooded, and the prophecy about the three hunters. Then he carried on to describe his conversations with Evanna, and his union with Larten, Darren, and Harkat. Then finally, the most recent encounter with the Vampaneze Lord himself... ending with the moment he let him go.</p><p>"But why?" Kurda whispered, his voice cracking like spring ice on a quiet morning.</p><p>Vancha heaved a long sigh and buried his face in his hands for a few minutes.</p><p>"I have a few secrets up my sleeve." Vancha murmured. "I believe in openness and honesty, but some things just aren't for the world to know. I've had a lot of years to make peace with all of it... but I guess it's still a work in progress."</p><p>"Vancha, what are you talking about?"</p><p>Kurda sat back in his chair and cocked an eyebrow expectantly. Vancha sighed again, sounding like he was in pain.</p><p>"Before I was a vampire... I was a vampaneze."</p><p>"WHAT?!"</p><p>Vancha started from the very beginning. Evanna. Gannen. Paris. All of it. By the time he was finished, Kurda's jaw was practically resting on the table.</p><p>"Vancha..." said Kurda weakly. "I'm not saying I don't believe you... but this doesn't feel real."</p><p>"I guess I'm a pretty good secret keeper." Vancha muttered. There was a distinctly bitter undertone to his voice. "The only vampires who knew were the sitting Princes at the time, and the ones who were invested after. Even though it could never be common knowledge for the whole clan, it was important to me that I didn't hide anything from my fellow Princes. So I told Mika and Arrow shortly after they'd been invested. I'd been working up to telling Darren... I wish I'd done it sooner than I did. The change in clan dynamics made it harder. So I was a coward, and kept putting it off... then I saw my brother that night. I froze. I wasted one of our precious chances. Then I had no choice but to tell the others."</p><p>"I'm sorry you had to go through that. All of it." Said Kurda softly. "It shouldn't have to be this way."</p><p>"I guess you'd know about tested loyalties, wouldn't you?" Vancha grunted. "Destiny was cruel to you all those years ago. You had one chance to do the right thing, even though it would cost you everything. And you damn near did it, too. When you ultimately failed, it wasn't because of your own weakness. You never wavered... unlike me."</p><p>"You're not weak, Vancha. Mercy isn't weakness."</p><p>"That's a matter of opinion. Listen, Smahlt; I didn't nominate for investiture you because you almost blew yourself up. I nominated you because I thought you could be the person to finally make a change. I knew your nomination had to come from me." Said Vancha heavily. "Paris wasn't radical enough. Arrow hated your politics. It would've looked bad on Mika to promote his boyfriend. But then you gave me the perfect excuse to set it into motion... your political views weren't exactly popular, so I had to time it right. I didn't want to nominate you only to have you lose the General vote. I knew your name would be toasted mightily after what you did on that mission, so I set it in motion. Then you passed through the vote, and I thought things would finally start changing. I thought you'd be able to do what I couldn't."</p><p>"I don't know what to tell you, Vancha." Kurda croaked. "I tried. I put it all on the line. I put Mika through hell. I drove my own daughter away. I murdered an innocent man. Turned the clan against me. I ruined my own life... And it still didn't work."</p><p>"I know." Said Vancha, gravel in his voice. "I just can't shake the feeling that surely there has to be more than this. You can't just rot here for the rest of your life."</p><p>"Actually, that's exactly what I have to do." Kurda retorted bitterly. "I'm serving out a sentence here, Sire. I'm a pariah. Regardless of my intentions, I still knowingly committed treason. I made my bed, and I'm lying in it."</p><p>"Aye..." Vancha muttered. Almost begrudgingly. Kurda could tell there was more he wanted to say, but whatever it was he kept it to himself.</p><p>A weighted silence hung in the air like smog for an indeterminate amount of time.</p><p>"How was the funeral?" Kurda ventured at last.</p><p>Vancha looked directly at Kurda with a strangely sympathetic look in his eyes.</p><p>"Mika's doing fine." He said evenly. Kurda felt himself blush. Of course Vancha saw right through him. The eccentric Prince may have been unconventional, but he was no idiot. Kurda didn't see a point in brushing that off, so he simply sighed wearily and said,</p><p>"Thank you. I was worried."</p><p>"You still care about him a hell of a lot, don't you?" Vancha inquired. His tone was steady but there was an intense curiosity burning behind his eyes.</p><p>Kurda felt his lungs close up.</p><p>"How could I not?" He forced out, hating that his voice came out as a whimper. The words scorched his throat like acid. "He was the love of my life. You can't just turn that off when it's not convenient. Gods know I fucking tried!"</p><p>"I imagine your history with Mika certainly complicated things for you." Said Vancha. His face was impossible to read. "Couldn't have been easy plotting his demise... Hell of a way to break up with someone."</p><p>Maybe it was the alcohol's toll on his mental functioning. Maybe it was the sleep deprivation brought on by persistent nightmares of Desmond Tiny. But something inside Kurda's soul snapped, and he couldn't hold back the truth that came ripping out of his lips. The last piece of his once-secret burden that was still a secret.</p><p>"I was never going to kill Mika!"</p><p>"Pardon me?"</p><p>"I wasn't going to kill him! Paris and Arrow, yes. And I hate myself for it. But not Mika. Never Mika." Kurda whispered, his entire body trembling.</p><p>Vancha gawked back at him like he'd sprouted a second head, his lips were opening and closing like a beached fish - but no sound was coming out.</p><p>"The poisoned wine I set aside to take out the Princes?" Kurda continued, universes of emotion flashing in his eyes. "I purposely chose a type Mika hates. He got really sick on it when he was younger - he can't even smell it without gagging. You know he's picky with his alcohol. So I knew he wouldn't touch it."</p><p>Vancha's eyes narrowed and his face snapped from stunned to chillingly shrewd.</p><p>"Smahlt, what are you going on about? I'm glad your assassination attempt failed, for my colleagues' sake. But leaving any of the Princes alive would've derailed your plan if you'd gotten that far. It would've defeated the purpose. Make it make sense." The green-haired Prince countered with great intent. He studied Kurda's face as though more secrets would reveal themselves if he looked hard enough.</p><p>"I had a fancy bottle of whiskey imported for Mika. He would've toasted me with that, while the others had the poisoned wine." Kurda explained grimly. "The whiskey was spiked too - but a different poison. Wouldn't have killed him, but it would've put him in a coma. For days, if not weeks. Would've given me plenty of time to do what needed to be done. I had to keep him out of my way... but I'd never kill him."</p><p>"You're not as clever as I gave you credit for." Said Vancha, arching an eyebrow. "Do you not think he would've stopped you the second he regained consciousness and realized what happened? And called me immediately for backup upon finding out Paris and Arrow had fallen?"</p><p>"He could try. But by then it would be too late." Said Kurda grimly.</p><p>"Why are you telling me this now?" Growled Vancha. He regarded Kurda coolly, processing the revelation.</p><p>"What's the point of hiding it any longer? Did you think I'd have the stomach to kill him?! You think I could really go through with that?!" Kurda choked out, suddenly feeling the blood rush to his face.</p><p>"That's what everyone thinks! That's what Mika's believed for the past seven years!" Vancha thundered, face reddening. "Gods, why on earth didn't you tell him? Certainly you had the opportunity!"</p><p>"It would've complicated everything tenfold." Said Kurda, a silent tear slipping down his cheek. "I still betrayed the clan. I still killed Gavner. I was still intending on assassinating Paris and Arrow. Admitting my choice to spare Mika wouldn't have altered my sentencing. And it would've made my exile that much harder on him... because there'd be a part of him that still loved me. I couldn't kill Mika, but for him to any chance of moving on from what I did... I had to kill that part of him."</p><p>"You sure as hell killed part of him." Said Vancha gruffly. "But not THAT part. He puts up a tough front, but I've known him a long time. Longer than you. He's still in love with you, Smahlt."</p><p>"I know that." Kurda panted as the tears began to fall more heavily. "I had to try. But I destroyed him anyway."</p><p>"No you didn't." Said Vancha simply. "Only an sole individual has the power to destroy themselves. It's true you hurt him terribly - in ways that he's still healing from all these years later."</p><p>Kurda leaned forwards onto the table and buried his face in his hands, breathing heavily as his body shook with sobs.</p><p>"It's also true that he didn't deserve it. But the threat you were facing was so much bigger than either of you." Vancha continued. "Mika understands that now. It took a while, but he got there in the end. And he's not ruined, or broken. I promise you that."</p><p>Kurda slowly raised his head to meet Vancha's gaze. Vancha smiled again. It was more wary and guarded than before, but it was genuine.</p><p>"Really?"</p><p>"Really. In fact, do I ever have a story for you!"</p><p>So Vancha recounted the story of the brawl that took place between himself, Mika, and Arrow in the days leading up to Paris's funeral. Starting with the argument, the way it escalated to physical blows.</p><p>When Vancha finally stopped speaking, the silence in the room was as deafening as it was after Vancha's earlier revelation.</p><p>"I can't imaging the three of you throwing down." Kurda remarked. "I remember watching you and Larten brawl all those years ago... and I thought that was intense. I can't believe you three didn't kill each other."</p><p>"It wasn't a pretty fight. I can't speak for Mika or Arrow, but I'm rather embarrassed it came to that." Said Vancha calmly. "But don't misinterpret my intentions. I didn't trek all the way out here to spoon-feed you hot gossip! Frankly we all have bigger things to worry about."</p><p>Kurda's face clouded over again.</p><p>"You're right. Just knowing Mika is still in one piece after everything... it means more to me than I can describe. So thank you, from the bottom of my heart."</p><p>"Have you seen him... since?" Vancha asked cautiously.</p><p>"Once. Complete silence for six years and then he showed up here with a letter from our daughter."</p><p>Vancha's face softened.</p><p>"Ah. I can only imagine how hard this must've been on her. Poor girl."</p><p>"Mika left it up to her to form her own opinion of me, after what I did." Kurda murmured. "He could've just as easily made it so I never saw or heard from her again. But he didn't. I'll never be able to repay him for that."</p><p>"Mika's always been honourable. You picked a good one." Said Vancha drily.</p><p>Kurda laughed hollowly at that.</p><p>"It took a while, but Gracie reached out when she was ready. Now we write to each other every week. It's more than I ever thought I'd have." Kurda added, feeling his eyes dampen. He didn't care. "I'm so proud of her."</p><p>"Mika mentioned she's working her way up to being a big-city something-or-other." Said Vancha with a grin.</p><p>"Corporate lawyer." Kurda clarified.</p><p>"Sounds important."</p><p>"Seems that way."</p><p>They idly chatted for another hour or so. When the sun began to rise, Vancha asked if he could spend the night. Kurda offered him the couch, but Vancha said the basement floor would be much more to his liking. So he thanked Kurda for his hospitality and made his way down.</p><p>And when Kurda woke up the following night, he was gone.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>It's the moment of truth, and the moment to lie,</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>The moment to live and the moment to die,</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>The moment to fight, the moment to fight</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>To fight, to fight, to fight</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Days became weeks, weeks became months, and eventually Mika began to adjust to living in a world without Paris. He didn't exactly have a choice; the war raged on regardless.</p><p>Mika was grateful to be so busy, but being the sole Prince in Vampire Mountain was less than ideal. Although he had no shortage of company, residing exclusively in the Hall of Princes got a little tiring. And by tiring, we mean utter psychological torture.</p><p>Back when it was him and Paris running the show, they essentially spent every waking moment in there, leaving only to sleep for a few hours at a time. But now, Mika was realizing how much difference that brief change of scenery made. He tried not to complain too much, after all there were still plenty of casualties being reported from the field every week, to the point where Mika felt guilty about being safe in here. Plus, this was his entire fucking job. This was the deal he took when he pledged his life to the clan. He signed up for this - good, bad, and ugly.</p><p>At least the Hall of Princes was well-equipped for lengthy stays. There was a small meeting room directly behind the throne platform which Mika had converted into something of a bedroom over the course of a few days, rearranging things here and there whenever he had an hour to himself. Back when Mika was away in the field, Darren and Paris had brought a spare coffin in for convenience sake. Mika had since co-opted it, it now rested cozily in the corner of the old meeting room.</p><p>In the left corner of the Hall, there was a narrow corridor - more of a crack in the wall - which contained a water closet. And if you walked further into the darkness, turned right, and wedged yourself into this one particular crevice, you could sometimes stand under a rivulet of melting snow trickling down from cracks high above. It wasn't quite a shower, but it was better than nothing. Abysmal hygiene could remain Vancha's claim to fame.</p><p>Mika's obligatory confinement also meant losing the one-on-one time he'd been spending with Renley prior to Paris's death. As fun as it was having a friend with benefits, Mika hadn't realized til now that the real benefit was more mental than physical. It wasn't just the sex he missed (stellar as it was), it was the company. It was having someone to talk to. Someone who didn't tiptoe around him, or tell him what they thought he wanted to hear. He still saw Renley daily, but the Hall of Princes was almost always full of people, and heavily guarded around the clock. So Mika couldn't exactly smuggle him in for a sleepover.</p><p>So whatever they had, or didn't have, was put on hold indefinitely. Maybe it was better that way. It wasn't as if Mika had any shortage of other things that required his full attention.</p><p>Then there came one particularly long day at the end of a really stressful week.</p><p>Eight consecutive hours of meetings. Bad news pouring in from multiple sources. Mika had to spend so much time manipulating troops in the field via the Stone of Blood, by the time it was over his brain was so fried he barely knew which way was up. Using the Stone of Blood was mentally taxing; Mika already knew that. He was in the prime of his life, a few headaches wouldn't hold him back. What he didn't know was how Paris survived doing it alone for the five years Mika was away from the mountain. Although Darren had been there to share Princely duties with Paris during that time, the boy wasn't able to use the Stone the way a fully-blooded Prince could.</p><p>And there was still no end in sight. By the time the crisis was averted, not a single soul in the mountain had slept in over a day and a half. Mika finished strong and got them through it - Paris would have been proud. When he finally dismissed the crowd of vampires that had been gathered in the hall throughout the crisis, he was so strung out it took him a minute to notice Renley had stayed behind.</p><p>"I've received word from one of my General friends." Said Renley pointedly as he ascended up the throne platform, loudly enough so the guards could hear. "Can we discuss the matter in the meeting room?"</p><p>"Just tell me here. It's fine." Said Mika. He was slouched sideways in his throne, eyes half-open, fully intending to fall asleep right there.</p><p>Renley rolled his eyes impatiently.</p><p>"I really think we should talk in private." He insisted slowly, enunciating every word and waiting for Mika to catch up. On the word "private", his eyebrows arched so high they practically disappeared into his hairline.</p><p>"Ren, whatever it is, just say it." Mika grunted back, gloriously oblivious.</p><p>Renley shot him a look of pure exasperation, pointed at Mika, then at himself, and drove the point home with a crude, suggestive hand gesture.</p><p>"Oh." Said Mika, belatedly putting it together. "Yeah. Let's go to the meeting room. You can tell me all about your... thing."</p><p>Funnily enough, they didn't even have sex that night. They had every intention to, but they ended up just talking for hours until all that stress dissolved, until they both fell asleep. Side-by-side on the floor, sharing one blanket, because the spare coffin wasn't wide enough for two.</p><p>Mika eventually woke up a few hours later, his head on Renley's chest and his arm draped across the General's well-muscled body. His body felt stiff from laying on the hard stone floor, but he somehow felt warmer than he'd felt in ages. It hadn't been a long enough sleep, but it had been a good one.</p><p>"You're still here?" He mumbled groggily.</p><p>"Good morning, gorgeous." Said Renley, with soft sleepy version of his typical breezy laugh. He kissed Mika's forehead lightly while also running his palms up and down his back. "And yeah. Magic doors, remember? I couldn't leave even if I wanted to. I wasn't about to wake you up just to go let me out. I'm not a cat." He added.</p><p>Mika enjoyed a brief laugh at a mental image in which he stood at the door of the Hall of Princes with his hand by the automatic panel, asking "In or out?" while Renley stood in the middle of the doorway and gawked blankly at him. Like that massive, fluffy, empty-headed cat Gracie used to have.</p><p>"What's so funny?" Ren asked.</p><p>"Don't worry about it."</p><p>"Whatever. And for the record, I didn't want to leave." Renley added offhandedly. "I missed this, you know. Missed you."</p><p>"Wow." Said Mika with a lazy smirk, finally lifting his head and opening his eyes. "And I didn't even put out."</p><p>"You can just say you missed me too." Said Renley, holding Mika's gaze with an expression that was hard to read. "It's only you and me in here. No one's going to judge you. And I won't tell."</p><p>Expectation (i.e. what Mika wanted to say): I missed you too, Ren. I needed this. I hate being stuck in here. I'm so lonely.</p><p>Reality (what Mika actually said): "Imagine having enough free time to think about anything but work. Must be nice."</p><p>"You almost had it." Said Renley with a wry grin. "So close, yet so far."</p><p>"Maybe next time." Mika replied, somewhat guardedly. Sometimes he really, really did not enjoy being like this.</p><p>"Yeah. Next time for sure. I believe in you." Said Renley.</p><p>Mika sighed and rested his head back on Renley's chest. He had maybe another twenty minutes before he had to get up and go be functional, open the Hall back up for what would inevitably be a day exactly like every other.</p><p>"I don't want to work today." Mika mumbled after a few minutes.</p><p>"Well, you have to."</p><p>"I didn't say I wasn't going to. I said I didn't want to."</p><p>"I know. Trust me, if I had my way, I'd spend all day here on the floor with you." Said Renley with a distinctly offhanded note of affection.</p><p>"And if I had my way, I'd take a six month vacation, far away from this place. Alone." Mika fired back without the slightest hesitation. He waited for the gently admonishing response he was sure was coming. But to his surprise, Renley broke down in a gale of laughter. His body shook so hard it could no longer serve as a comfortable pillow, and Mika begrudgingly sat upright to glare at him.</p><p>"Are you done?"</p><p>"Yeah, yeah... sorry." Renley cackled helplessly, sitting up so he could see Mika at eye-level. Eventually he caught his breath. But the sudden laughter left behind a strange look in his eyes that Mika had never seen before. Then Renley tilted his head, his lips parted slightly - then he paused.</p><p>Mika knew what was coming. But he didn't have time to run from it. He just sat there like a deer in headlights, waiting for the inevitable.</p><p>"I love you, Mika." Said Renley, as calmly as though commenting on the weather. There it was. He flashed that breezy smile that had become so familiar, but there was a reluctance about it. A hesitation. Like Renley knew exactly what dizzying chemical reaction those words were going to trigger inside Mika's head.</p><p>
  <em>Fuck.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Fuuuuuck.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.</em>
</p><p>Mika froze, feeling every hair on his body stand on end as his heart rate spiked in a way he wasn't prepared for. He was lost, head empty, no thoughts, brain floating untethered through space.</p><p>He wanted to say it back. Maybe saying it back would make it true. He wanted to believe that so badly.</p><p>But it didn't work like that.</p><p>"I'm... crazy about you." Mika offered at last, trying and failing to keep his voice as calm as Renley's had been. Renley simply smiled back at him, with as much adoration as ever. But it was hard to ignore the disappointment in his eyes. He didn't say anything, he just reached out and gently stroked Mika's cheekbone.</p><p>"I told you so many times, Ren." Mika croaked. Hating how fragile and betrayed he suddenly felt, and how it came across clearly in his voice. "I told you I wasn't going down this road. Not now, possibly not ever. I told you I couldn't handle it. And you said you understood. We agreed. It was just sex."</p><p>"Of course I understood. But that was months ago... it hasn't been "just" sex in a long time." Said Renley. "I thought you were starting to figure that out." His voice was soft and unassuming, but firm. His mahogany eyes gently held Mika's steely gaze, even when all he wanted to do was look away.</p><p>"I'm trying, okay?" Mika replied, heading the crack in his voice with the word 'okay' and loathing himself.</p><p>"I know you are." Said Renley, so patiently Mika almost resented him for it. "I didn't mean to alarm you. I just thought you should know."</p><p>"Don't give up on me." Mika's voice split the silence after a weighted pause. It was more of a question than anything else. And it was met with a look of indignant disbelief from Renley, layered with confusing blend of heartbreak and frustration.</p><p>"Give up on you?" Renley choked out. "Fuck, Mika... Are you crazy? I'm not going anywhere. You may have convinced everyone else that you're this bulletproof, cocky, heartless bastard... but I see right through you. You can't scare me away." Ren's voice was as soft and sweet as honey, but there was a fire blazing in his eyes that told Mika he meant every word he said.</p><p>Mika closed his eyes and ran his hand through his hair, as he always did when he had too much on his mind. Renley's brow furrowed in concern.</p><p>"Hey... don't stress yourself out. I'm sorry I sprung that on you. Look at me." Renley added, a serious note to his voice. "I know it's sudden, and it's okay if you're not ready to say it back. I just didn't know when I'd get another chance to have you to myself... so I had to tell you."</p><p>"You must really, really want an investiture nomination." Mika deadpanned after another long silence. Renley scoffed at him.</p><p>"Don't you ever get tired of hiding behind that sarcasm?" Said Renley sadly. "How do you not understand that you're so much more than your power? Not everybody wants something from you."</p><p>"Well, I don't exactly have a lot of redeeming qualities, Ren. I work with what I've got. And I have to say, is that I'm really starting to question your taste."</p><p>"Excuse you?"</p><p>"Everyone knows you have your eyes on an investiture someday." Said Mika.</p><p>"I've never denied that." Renley shrugged.</p><p>"So naturally, at first I figured you were just... you know, trying to sleep your way to the top." Mika continued, arching an eyebrow while Renley rolled his eyes. "But that didn't bother me. I'd never give you preferential treatment, and I needed the distraction."</p><p>"You had that little faith in me?" Renley groaned in dismay, swatting Mika's shoulder lightly.</p><p>"You had a good thing going." Mika replied tonelessly. "Unlimited sex. No strings. No baggage. No responsibilities. But now you're telling me you WANT to be part of my chaos? I don't even want to spend time with myself. But you're here voluntarily. I don't get it."</p><p>Renley exhaled a long sigh that suggested his patience had expired, and arched his eyebrows to regard Mika with an incredible sternness.</p><p>"Alright, you impossible prick." He told Mika. "You asked for it. Now I'm going to make you sit there and listen, while I tell you exactly how good my taste is. Got it?"</p><p>"I think I'm ready to go to work after all." Said Mika bluntly, starting to stand up. Knowing Renley would pull him back down into his arms, and not resisting in the slightest when he did.</p><p>"Here we go: I love how independence, and your confidence - even though you're secretly a train wreck, you still wear it well. I love your attitude." Renley began slowly. "I love your wicked sense of humour, and I love watching it go over people's heads while you sit back and enjoy their confusion." Said Renley. He was now sitting with his back against the wall and Mika rested comfortably against his chest. "I love your drive. I love watching you work, how fucking smart you are, how you lean into me when you're tired." Renley continued. "I love your eyes, especially when they get that determined look in them. Could stare at you all day. You're smoking hot, and I love that you know it. And don't you dare deny it-"</p><p>"Wasn't going to." Mika put in.</p><p>"...And for reasons that don't make sense to me, I love how THAT was your response to everything I just told you." Renley concluded with a wry smile.</p><p>"Give me a minute, I'm working on it." Said Mika seriously. "Okay, here we go. You... well, you're mainly pleasant to be around. You bring me food sometimes. You haven't stabbed me in the back yet, so you've got that going for you."</p><p>"Could you lower the bar any more?" Renley winced. "My gods. You're making me sad."</p><p>"I'm not done! You're good in bed, bonus points there. Easy on the eyes, I guess. You talk a lot, but nobody's perfect."</p><p>"Know what? You're right. You're irredeemable." Said Renley sardonically, even though Mika could hear the smile in his voice while he held on a little tighter.</p><p>"Stop interrupting me." Said Mika, straight-faced.</p><p>"Sorry."</p><p>"What I was going to say... was that somewhere in all that chaos, you became something I didn't know I needed. You were my lifeline when I didn't even realize I was drowning." Said Mika quietly. "You saw me at my worst, and you stayed. You... you've been my fucking hero. That's the truth. Even if I'm never able to say those three words back to you... it won't be because you weren't enough."</p><p>Renley's rough, battle-scarred hand lightly grasped Mika's jaw and gently tilted his head back. At just enough of an angle so that he could press a lazy, sensual kiss into Mika's lips.</p><p>"Gods, I wish you could see yourself how I see you." Said Renley after a moment, pulling back from the kiss just far enough to get the words out. "Then maybe you'd understand why I fell for you."</p><p>Mika didn't say anything. He just stared back at Renley for a few seconds, contemplative. Taking him all in. When he kissed Renley again, it was full-force, passionate. It was as close as he could come to expressing the tangled ball of half-baked feelings that was rattling around in his head. But it got the point across, and Renley kissed him back just as hard.</p><p>One thing led to another, as things tend to do. The Hall of Princes opened fifteen minutes later than normal that night.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>To the right, To the left</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>We will fight to the death</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>To the edge of the earth</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>It's a brave new world</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>From the last to the first</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Mika didn't get to spend a lot of time with Renley in the days after that. Mika, of course, had no choice but to remain in the Hall of Princes twenty-four hours a day and seven days a week. And Renley, currently the most senior General in the mountain, spent the vast majority of his days in the sporting halls, overseeing the onboarding of new recruits.</p><p>Mika was glad that his plate was so full. It meant he could push Renley's revelation to the back of his mind, and pretend it never happened. Part of him knew it had been coming. Most of him knew Renley meant what he said. Some of him even wanted to say it back. But there was this tiny-but-loud part of Mika's brain that just kept yelling, "He's using you, idiot! Don't fall into that trap again!"</p><p>'But Kurda didn't use me', he argued to himself. 'Maybe it looked that way to everyone else. Maybe it even felt that way. But he didn't. I know he didn't. Also why are we still thinking about Kurda? Fuck you, brain'.</p><p>Three days later, Mika would look back fondly on the small window of time where his clear-as-mud feelings for Renley were his biggest worry.</p><p>The final meeting of the night had just ended. Seba was sitting in Paris's throne studying points on a map and Mika was occupied reading over a transcription of a field report. It was just the two of them there in the Hall of Princes when the phone rang. It would be Gracie, she was the only person in the world who had the number of the clunky old military telephone Mika kept behind his throne. The device was capable of picking up signal anywhere on earth. When he was here in the mountain, it was their only way of contacting each other.</p><p>"Hey, Princess." Said Mika contentedly as he held the heavy receiver up to his ear. But his blood quickly turned to ice, all he could hear on the other end was erratic sobbing. She was trying to speak but unable to form any coherent words.</p><p>"What's going on? Talk to me."</p><p>"Dad..." came Gracie's voice through the line, faint and shaky.</p><p>"I'm here, Gracie. Are you okay?"</p><p>Seba was looking over at Mika now, concern etched into the Quartermaster's ancient face as he watched Mika tense up and go white as a sheet.</p><p>"I'm okay..." she whimpered at last. "But... but..."</p><p>"Breathe... just breathe." Mika urged her, not heeding his own advice in the slightest. "Tell me what's going on."</p><p>His heart began to pound, faster and faster, and within seconds it felt like it was on the brink of exploding. He thought he knew what panic felt like, inside and out. He thought he'd tasted fear. But he'd never felt anything like this in his entire life. This felt like an out-of-body experience. She wasn't a drama queen, she wouldn't be calling him in tears unless something was WRONG wrong.</p><p>"It's Dale... Dale's dead. His roommate found him an hour ago... in their bath tub." She sobbed.</p><p>"I'm so sorry." Mika murmured into the phone as his heart sank. Despite the fact he'd always thought Gracie's boyfriend was a little dull, Dale had been a very kind man. And that was all that really mattered in the end.</p><p>"Dad, his body was completely drained of blood." She could barely get the words out.</p><p>Mika's heart stopped completely. For a moment his vision went black and he thought he might pass out. But he shook his head to knock his brain back into place. The second he heard those words, he knew what had happened, why it happened, and what was going to happen next.</p><p>"Are you sure?" He whispered as he white-knuckled the armrest of his throne so hard it left nail marks in the wood.</p><p>"Thats what his roommate said, and the police confirmed it. They ruled it a suicide... but he'd never do that. I know he wouldn't. Dad, he was murdered!"</p><p>Mika felt like all the oxygen had been sucked from the room, like his lungs were caving in. All due respect to Dale, but this was no longer about him. It never really had been. The man hadn't deserved to be collateral damage of a war he had no idea existed, but Mika didn't have a spare thought for him at this present moment. He stood up slowly.</p><p>"It was them. It was the vampaneze, wasn't it? It can't be a coincidence, right?" Gracie added, so quietly Mika could barely hear her. He couldn't speak. His mind and body felt paralyzed.</p><p>"Dad, do they know who I am? Am I in danger?"</p><p>And there it was. Mika's worst nightmare. His deepest, darkest fear was becoming real. His enemies were using his daughter against him. But he couldn't cave into panic right now. He had a job to do. He'd never actually read a parenting book, but he doubted they would've contained instructions for this kind of problem.</p><p>"Where are you right now?" Mika asked sharply, sidestepping her question. "Are you somewhere safe?"</p><p>"I'm... I'm in my apartment..."</p><p>"Grace, listen to me. Lock your door and keep your dagger close. Pack a bag. I'll be there in less than an hour to flit you back to the mountain. Be ready to go, do you understand me?"</p><p>"I understand." Her voice shook but she was trying to stay strong.</p><p>"I'm leaving right now. I'll be as fast as I can. Just don't panic. I'll see you soon." Mika told her in the most forced tone of calm he'd ever accomplished, and that was saying something. "Everything's going to be okay. I'm going to take care of it. I love you, Gracie.</p><p>"I love you too." She whispered back.</p><p>Mika slammed the phone down made quick tracks towards the doors.</p><p>"Mika! What happened?" Seba gasped, having to jog to keep up.</p><p>"The vampaneze killed her boyfriend. It's not a coincidence. They know who she is."</p><p>"They are sending you a message." Seba croaked weakly.</p><p>"No shit. I'm answering them." Mika replied grimly.</p><p>Mika reached the doors and pressed his palm against the panel to open them but Seba rushed past him and placed himself between the doors and Mika.</p><p>"I know you are terrified. I can only imagine how you must be feeling, but listen to me. There are no other Princes in the mountain! You cannot leave. Send some Generals, or Vancha or Arrow to her aid. They can flit there as quickly as you could. It might be a trap." Seba implored, following Mika as he swept out of the Hall of Princes.</p><p>Mika stared him down, eyes blazing like hellfire.</p><p>"Of course it's a fucking trap! I don't care! Whatever's waiting, I'll be ready for it. You listen to me, Seba. That's my daughter." He snarled, lacing every single word with visceral sincerity.</p><p>"Mika, please! Just think for a moment!"</p><p>"Double the guards by the Hall of Princes. That's an order. If I'm not back in a few hours, call Vancha or Arrow. I'm going to do whatever I need to do to keep her safe. And if you try to stop me I'll knock you out." Mika snarled. He roughly brushed past Seba and bolted down the corridor without a backwards glance, not listening to whatever meek protest the Quartermaster was yelling. He ran down to the armoury as fast as he could to pick up some weapons. He belatedly realized he had no idea where his key was, so he ripped his locker door off its hinges and withdrew his sharpest sword and a few of his bigger daggers. If they had to get a little blood on them tonight, that was fine by him.</p><p>As he'd expected, Renley was training with some cubs in the nearby Hall of Baker Wrent as Mika was flying out of the armoury room. He stopped in the doorway and instantly caught Ren's eye. Renley immediately beamed at him with an expression of genuine delight at his unexpected visitor. But his smile quickly faded as he took in Mika's overall vibe of panicking-but-handling-it-but-still-very-much-panicking.</p><p>"General Azerion, come with me. Right now." He snapped. "Bring a weapon."</p><p>Renley cocked his head like a curious puppy as he paused the drill he was showing the cubs.</p><p>"What's going on? If you're down here, who's in the Hall of Princes?"</p><p>The expression Mika gave him in response was enough for the laid-back General to walk away from the cubs without a backward glance.</p><p>"Vampaneze. Gracie's in danger. I'm flitting to her right now and you're coming with me." Mika informed him as he began to walk again with Renley at his side.</p><p>"Oh, fuck..."</p><p>Ren's face went pale. He automatically reached his hand out to Mika, to comfort him, but Mika drew away and continued his brisk pace up the corridor.</p><p>"It's okay. We'll get her out. It's going to be okay." Renley told him breathlessly as he tried to keep pace with Mika. His voice laced with a soulful empathy that was well-intentioned but misplaced. Mika had zero time for any of that right now.</p><p>"I'm not bringing you moral support." Mika snarled impatiently. "You're the best General in the mountain right now. And believe me when I tell you this is the most important mission you'll ever fucking have."</p><p>Part of Mika knew Gracie's life wasn't directly at risk in this exact moment. It was him they wanted, that was obvious. She had nothing to offer them... except her connection to the Hall of Princes. Hurting her wouldn't accomplish anything for them, except for a slow, painful death at Mika's hands.</p><p>But if Mika didn't, or couldn't, make it back to Vampire Mountain, someone still had to keep Gracie safe. And it had to be someone he could trust implicitly. That's where Renley came in.</p><p>As much as he was scared to death, there was a manic, unhinged, almost feral part of him that was ready for it. He wanted to look upon the faces of the men who'd dared cross his daughter. And then he wanted obliterate them from the universe.</p><p>Just before he broke into a flit outside the mountain, he fired one message through the stratosphere - because suddenly, the past didn't matter. There was only this.</p><p>MVL: Gracie's in danger. Vampaneze. Flitting there now. Track my location. Find us.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>A warning to the prophet,</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>The liar, the honest,</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>This is war.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>To the leader, the pariah,</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>The victor, the messiah,</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>This is war.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>It's the moment of truth, and the moment to lie,</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>The moment to live and the moment to die,</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>The moment to fight, the moment to fight,</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>To fight, to fight, to fight</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Thousands of miles away, Kurda was just waking up for the night. He had about an hour of peace before everything changed.</p><p>His routine wasn't quite as erratic as it had been prior to Vancha's visit. His long conversation with the Prince had been tumultuous, to say the very least. He certainly hadn't intended to divulge his last remaining secret to Vancha - the revelation of his intent to spare Mika's life last council. But he didn't regret it. It felt good to say it out loud. He'd almost started to believe he'd been imagining it this entire time.</p><p>Without Kurda's prompting, Vancha had promised not to tell Mika. It just didn't make sense to turn his world upside down again. By the sounds of it, Mika was finally winning the hard-fought battle to make peace with all of it.</p><p>Part of Kurda knew it was cruel to let Mika believe it, but Kurda knew Mika inside and out. And if Mika thought there was a chance, a single shred of hope they could be something again in this lifetime, he'd fight for it. And Kurda knew he didn't deserve that. Didn't deserve sympathy. Didn't deserve for Mika to tweak the rules, lessen his sentence, or anything of the like.</p><p>There was no way for the break to be perfectly clean, but he needed Mika to WANT to maintain a distance from him. So far, it had worked. Mika was getting on with his life, while Kurda was doing the time for committing the crime. As it should be.</p><p>Then, that night happened. And everything changed.</p><p>Kurda had just poured himself a coffee and had sat down to sip it for several minutes before he headed out to hunt. He'd had an alright sleep, not great. Not terrible. He didn't feel particularly awful, or particularly good at that moment. As far as his life went these days, it started off unmemorable.</p><p>But he'd always remember where he was when he got that bone-chilling telepathic message from Mika.</p><p>Kurda had been sitting on the left side of his couch, cupping a pale green ceramic coffee mug, and casually skimming the local newspaper.</p><p>Then suddenly, that presence in his mind. As familiar as though they still communicated every day. As loud as though Mika was sitting on this couch yelling the words at him.</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Gracie's in danger. Vampaneze. Flitting there now. Track my location. Find us.</em>
</p><p>Kurda didn't even stop to set the coffee mug on the table. He just dropped it. Whether it landed on the floor or the couch, he'd never know. He simply got up and followed the direction Mika's thoughts were coming from, with his mind locked on the address he wrote on the envelope of every letter he sent his daughter.</p><p>His worst fear was coming true, it was one of the last things in the world that tied him to Mika. And all he knew was that the ghosts that haunted the wreckage of their relationship didn't scare him now. Gracie was in danger, and that was the only thing that still scared him. The only thing he had left to lose.</p><p>Adrenaline coursed. He didn't hesitate. Didn't even pause. It didn't occur to him to ask questions or seek clarification. He answered Mika before he'd entirely finished processing the information.</p><p>
  <em>KS: I'm coming.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>To the right, To the left</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>We will fight to the death!</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>To the edge of the earth</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>It's a brave new world</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>From the last to the first</em>
  </strong>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I did warn you there'd a lot to unpack in this one. Pure fucking chaos and I am so sorry. The next chapter is almost fully written - once again, this started as one chapter but got longer and longer so I chopped it in half. If I had a nickel for every time I've done that, I could buy rights to these characters from Mr. Shan.</p><p>Fun fact: This chapter contains three separate plot twists that were not originally part of the plan and were actually added pretty late in the game. Some of this has been planned out for literal months now. Other parts were kind of improvised at the last minute because they just... vibed better. Which parts are they? That's one secret I'll never tell. (You know you love me. xoxo, gossip general)</p><p>Thank you for reading this! As always, I appreciate you more than you know. You're under no obligation to leave a comment, but it'd be really, really nice if you did.</p><p>Lockdown restrictions are only tightening here, so it doesn't look like I'm going anywhere anytime soon. Stay safe and healthy!</p><p>- Roxy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. You'd Come Over, Right?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>And I know you know we know you weren't down for forever and it's fine<br/>I know you know we know we weren't meant for each other and it's fine<br/>But if the world was ending, you'd come over, right?</p><p>***</p><p>An unprecedented vampaneze attack leaves Mika with no choice but to put his life in Kurda's hands as their worst nightmare begins to come true. And not that it matters, but Renley can't help but feel like a third wheel.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Happy Monday guys! Chapter 18... I can't believe it.</p><p>First of all, THANK YOU to the overwhelming feedback from chapter 17! I was fully prepared for this story NOT to gain any sort of following when I started it last year. It's a niche ship in a small, old fandom. Chances were slim. So I made peace with the knowledge that if I was going to do this, I'd be doing it for myself. And I still am, but holy shit you guys make it a thousand times more fun! Validation in my attempts at writing feels amazing, but y'all's investment the characters themselves is even better.</p><p>So, to my hype bitches from the Discord server, the faithful commenters, and the ones sending me memes on Tumblr: I love you guys so much. I'm so lucky. And I'm so sorry I put your feelings through all that last week. But like... Imma do it again. And probably worse.</p><p>This isn't THE heaviest chapter but it's probably in the top 5. There's a fairly long fight scene, so like... violence warnings. But no worse than anything from the source material.</p><p>Chapter 18: If The World Was Ending You'd Come Over, Right?</p><p>Song: If The World Was Ending by JP Saxe (if that wasn't the anthem of 2020 idk what was)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <strong>I was distracted</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>And in traffic</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>I didn't feel it</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>When the earthquake happened</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>But it really got me thinkin'</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>Were you out drinkin'</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>Were you in the living room</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>Chillin' watchin' television</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>It's been a year now</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>Think I've figured out how</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>How to let you go and let communication die out</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>I know you know we know you weren't down for forever and it's fine</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>I know you know we know we weren't meant for each other and it's fine</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Gracie had always known her dad's job wasn't all sitting in a throne and bossing other vampires around. There was a darker, grittier side of it. But it wasn't until she grew older she came to realize just how hard he worked to shelter her from the darkness. And Mika had done his job flawlessly - not once had she felt unsafe in the world of the vampires. In all her years growing up in the clan, she'd never been in legitimate danger before. She'd never felt all-consuming terror. Not like this.</p><p>She packed her biggest duffel bag with the bare necessities and took up position in her living room where she could see both the living room window and the door. She kept her hand on the hilt of the dagger she'd inherited from Arra, hoping and praying that blade still carried the strength of the dead vampiress if the time came where she had to use it.</p><p>When Mika stumbled into her apartment 47 minutes after hanging up the phone, she almost didn't recognize him. He was fully armed and there was a steely, vicious look in his eyes that she'd never seen before. Although he softened as she ran into his arms, he didn't let his guard down. His eyes darted around the room as though he'd been expecting to see the vampaneze sitting at her kitchen table. There was a second vampire with him who she vaguely recognized from seeing around the mountain over the years, but she didn't pay him any mind. He stood guarding the door as Mika ran to her.</p><p>"Are you okay?" Mika murmured as she clung to him, sobbing breathlessly into his chest. "Fuck. Sorry. Stupid question." he added weakly as he gently pulled back from the hug. "You're going to be fine. I promise. Did you pack your bag like I told you?"</p><p>"Yeah." She gulped, wiping her eyes and picking up her duffel bag from the corner. "Dad, what the hell is going on? Why did they go after Dale? He's never done anything to anyone. He's not part of this!"</p><p>Mika shook his head slowly. He knew there was a part of her that already knew the answer to her own question. She was a smart girl, after all. But she didn't need to panic any further than she already was.</p><p>"It's hard to know for sure, but I'm not taking any chances. Let's get out of here." Said Mika firmly. He put his hand on her shoulder and steered her towards the door. "This is General Azerion, by the way." Mika added, gesturing to Renley. "You've probably met him in passing over the years. He's going to help me keep you safe."</p><p>"Nice to meet you." Said Renley with a brief, rueful smile at Gracie. "Sorry for the circumstances."</p><p>Gracie nodded to him with strained politeness. Mika glanced surreptitiously at Renley as they left the apartment behind and walked down the hall.</p><p>
  <em>MVL: You smell vampaneze too, right? I'm not paranoid?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>RA: Nope. Caught a whiff on our way in.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: You realize what's happening here?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>RA: They'll be waiting for us outside.</em>
</p><p>"Have you seen anyone or anything unusual around here recently?" Mika asked in an undertone as they walked, his arm wrapped protectively around Gracie's shoulders.</p><p>"No." she replied. "Do you think... they've been tracking me?"</p><p>"If they knew how to get to Dale, they know how to get to you." Said Mika tensely.</p><p>She was crying again now, the reality of their predicament had dawned on her. But adrenaline and fear were overriding the other thoughts swirling around in Mika's mind so when they finally stepped outside into the dimly-lit parking lot, he focused all of his senses on their surroundings. Watching, listening, smelling. Mika scanned the left side of the parking lot while Renley watched the right, with Gracie standing between them.</p><p>"They're close. Gotta be six of them." Said Renley quietly. "You take her, I'll hold them off while you get up to flitting speed. And then I'll meet you back at the mountain once I've finished them off."</p><p>"There won't be time."</p><p>Then Mika felt a cold rush of air behind him, the unmistakable presence of a vampire or a vampaneze dropping out of flitting speed.</p><p>"Actually, you've got all the time in the world." A high, cold, unfamiliar voice cut through the air and Mika felt the tip of a razor-sharp set of fingernails in his lower back, and another at his neck.</p><p>Fuck.</p><p>Mika's hand flew instinctively to the hilt of his sword and he steeled himself to slice, chop, stab, whatever he had to do to neutralize the threat.</p><p>"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Said the vampaneze lighty. He pushed his nails into Mika's back just enough to break the skin and draw a low growl of pain from his throat. "You may be ready to fight to the death, but is your daughter?"</p><p>Mika froze obediently.</p><p>Renley whipped around dutifully to attack the vampaneze holding Mika, but within seconds they were surrounded. They were right - there were six vampaneze in total. Renley's aim was true, and if his attack had landed it would've certainly killed Mika's captor. But he was body-slammed by a vampaneze twice as wide as he was, and went reeling. He regained his balance quickly and thrust his blade through his attacker's chest, but two more descended on him instantly, slamming him down to his knees and pulling his arms behind his back, effectively immobilizing him. Gracie tried to run but she too was captured.</p><p>Mika looked her in the eye and held her gaze for a few moments.</p><p>"Everything's going to be okay, Gracie. Trust me."</p><p>She didn't look like she believed him.</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Where are you?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: Almost there. Five minutes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Stealth approach. Literally can't emphasize this enough.</em>
</p><p>"Behold, my brethren... the legendary Sire Mika Ver Leth. Such an honour to breath the same oxygen as his Royal Highness now that he's played right into our hands." Hissed the only vampaneze not holding a prisoner.</p><p>"And this is supposed to be the smart Prince?" Sneered the middle vampaneze. "Then the other three truly must have rocks in their brains by comparison."</p><p>"They have their moments." Mika replied icily, taking every bit of his strength to keep from launching his blade into the man's red eye. "But just so we're clear, I didn't blindly walk into your trap - so don't pat yourselves on the back just yet. I knew exactly what I was walking into, and I came anyway."</p><p>"Very noble of you... Sire." Another vampaneze simpered - the one holding Gracie. "It can't be easy walking the line between serving your precious clan and parenting this little scrap."</p><p>"Fuck you." Gracie hissed, then flinched as her captor roughly tightened his grip on her arms. It took one hundred and ten percent of Mika's pure concentration not to attack the purple-skinned man and get himself killed on the process. He was livid, but he wasn't stupid. He was widely recognized as a master negotiator and he hadn't gotten that far by losing his temper when the pressure was on. He'd always been the cool-headed one of just about any group he was in. Over the centuries he'd worked negotiations with Vancha March, Larten Crepsley, Arra Sails, Arrow, and countless others. And Mika was always the coolest head in the place. The one who kept it together for everyone else. It was who he was. It was why he was who he was.</p><p>But he'd never negotiated with stakes this high before. All he wanted was to shred these vampaneze with his blade. And if was a way to guarantee Gracie's safety, then Mika didn't care if he died in the attempt.</p><p>"Arrogant like her father." Laughed Gracie's captor. "Careful, girl. The vampire clan may treat you like the fake princess you are, but you're not in Vampire Mountain anymore."</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Update?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: I'm close. What will you need me to do?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: I was hoping you'd figure that out. I'm a little preoccupied.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: I got you. Just buy me some time.</em>
</p><p>"Does your Lord know you're using humans as pawns? Slaughtering them in their homes? Whatever happened to that steadfast vampaneze honour?" Mika challenged him.</p><p>"Who's orders do you think we're acting under?" The tallest vampaneze cackled.</p><p>"Yikes. I've been playing this game for a long time. I was negotiating with your brethren since before you were born, by the looks of you." Mika informed him, narrowing his eyes. It was true. Skilled as they were, this group did seem rather young. "And most vampaneze I've met would be embarrassed by this."</p><p>"We are honour-bound to carry out our Lord's orders, as you'd expect any vampire to do for you. Whether we agree with them or not." Grunted the vampaneze holding Mika.</p><p>"Wow. Thank you for explaining hierarchy to me. I'm enlightened." Said Mika drily. Renley cringed, and Gracie gawked at him quizzically. Mika tried not to pay too much attention to them. He needed to focus.</p><p>"This isn't an educational visit, Sire. We have a job proposition for you." Snapped the vampaneze restraining Renley.</p><p>"I have a full-time job, but thanks for the offer." Said Mika. "And for the record, I'd taste the stakes before I'd work for you or your Lord. Especially under this new regime."</p><p>"Don't be so dismissive! I haven't even told told you the job description, or your payment!" Replied the vampaneze with a mirthless chuckle. "I think you're going to have a hard time passing this one up."</p><p>"Let me guess, he needs leadership advice?" Mika snorted. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Renley cringe at in horror, evidently thinking Mika's attitude was about to get them killed.</p><p>But Mika knew two things for certain. One: they were no use to the vampaneze if they were dead. It's not every day you have your purple hands on a Vampire Prince, his daughter, and the clan's best General all at once. These vampaneze had just about won the lottery and they weren't about to let that go over a bit of attitude. And two: every second Mika spent talking was another second Kurda had to get in position.</p><p>"Try me, then." Said Mika.</p><p>"Alright then. You and me are going to go for a little flit - all the way back to that mountain of yours." Sneered the vampaneze, digging his nails deeper into Mika's back.</p><p>Mika felt his mouth go dry, and fought to keep himself calm and level-headed. He took a deep, steadying breath.</p><p>"I should warn you, the security's pretty good-"</p><p>"I know for a fact the mountain is unguarded as we speak." The vampaneze interrupted impatiently. "You were the only Prince there - but now you're here. Because you broke your clan's most sacred rule. You sold them out when you came here. All for one human. I don't think you're in any position to be giving leadership advice."</p><p>Renley's panicked eyes met Mika's. He was still being forcibly held down on his knees against the unforgiving black pavement.</p><p>
  <em>RA: WHAT'S THE PLAN, MIKA?!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Cooperate until I tell you otherwise.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>RA: I don't love that plan.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Call it a direct order, then.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>RA: Damn you.</em>
</p><p>"...So once we arrive at your precious mountain home, you will give an executive order to have every single vampire stand down." Mika's captor continued.</p><p>"Why would they listen to me?" Mika growled. "I sold them out, as you put it. Remember?"</p><p>"Because you vampires are no more than a flock of sheep. And they will do anything their Prince tells them to. Anything. So when you admit me into the Hall of Princes and give me that Stone of Blood, they won't lift a finger to stop me."</p><p>"Yeah, well. I'm not the only Prince. I could have Arrow or Vancha back there in a heartbeat." Mika replied viciously.</p><p>"But you won't." Said the vampaneze. His hot breath in Mika's ear sent shivers down his spine. "You won't be calling any reinforcements, so don't even think about it. Because the second I see your armies coming at me, I transmit a message back here, where my associates will be waiting with your daughter and little bodyguard. You do your job, I pay you with their lives. You fail, they pay me with theirs."</p><p>"Your lord has put a lot of thought into this. But has he considered what he's going to do with the Stone once he has it?" Said Mika carefully. "Unless he has a Vampire Prince on staff to manipulate it, it'll be no more than a paperweight. Seems like your great leader could use some management training."</p><p>"That's where you come in." The vampaneze sneered. "It was a simple choice. Shan, March, or Arrow would die a thousand deaths before they'd serve us. They have nothing to lose... Unlike you. You work for us, your daughter lives. You try to change the rules, we remind you who's in charge. How's that for management, Sire?"</p><p>There it was. The literal worst-case scenario of a Vampire Prince adopting a human child. The darkest corner of every nightmare Mika had over the past two decades. There was nothing worse than this.</p><p>He wanted to look at Gracie, lock his eyes onto hers and tell her everything was going to be okay. But he kept his eyes fixed on a point about two hundred feet away, a nearby cluster of shrubs and trees. A flicker of attention had caught his eye - but all the vampaneze had their backs to it. Except for the one holding Mika, but that one was too preoccupied with verbally torturing him to pick up on the incoming threat. The direction of the wind kept its scent from making its way to the sensitive noses of the vampaneze. Because of course Kurda had thought of that. Mika knew he would.</p><p>
  <em>KS: I see you. Diversion coming up. Flit Gracie out of here.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Too many of them. They'll be on me before I get up to speed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: Then we fight together.</em>
</p><p>Mika could feel the terror through their mental connection. But like Mika's, Kurda's mind was also clear. It had to be. In this moment, losing focus would mean losing everything.</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Got a plan?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: When I say now... duck.</em>
</p><p>Mika knew exactly what was going to happen, and exactly what he was going to do about it.</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Get ready to fight, Ren.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>RA: What the fuck?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Trust me.</em>
</p><p>"So, are you ready to accept our job offer, or would you like to test us a little more first? Try it. See what happens." The vampaneze growled into Mika's ear.</p><p>"Go to hell." Said Mika.</p><p>
  <em>KS: NOW.</em>
</p><p><br/>
<strong>
    <em>But if the world was ending</em>
  </strong><br/>
<strong>
    <em>You'd come over right</em>
  </strong><br/>
<strong>
    <em>You'd come over and you'd stay the night</em>
  </strong><br/>
<strong>
    <em>Would you love me for the hell of it</em>
  </strong><br/>
<strong>
    <em>All our fears would be irrelevant</em>
  </strong><br/>
<strong>
    <em>If the world was ending</em>
  </strong><br/>
<strong>
    <em>You'd come over right</em>
  </strong><br/>
<strong>
    <em>The sky'd be falling and I'd hold you tight</em>
  </strong><br/>
<strong>
    <em>And there wouldn't be a reason why</em>
  </strong><br/>
<strong>
    <em>We would even have to say goodbye</em>
  </strong><br/>
<strong>
    <em>If the world was ending</em>
  </strong><br/>
<strong>
    <em>You'd come over right</em>
  </strong><br/>
<strong>
    <em>Right?</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Mika had purposely relaxed his body over the past few minutes so his captor would lower his guard. That meant when Mika heeded Kurda's order and dropped to the ground, the vampaneze hadn't maintained a tight enough grip to stop him.</p><p>For the smallest fraction of a second, less than a flash of lightning, there was a shrill whistling noise. Then a telltale crunch and a thud, and Mika's captor fell silently to the ground. There was a dagger hilt sticking out of his eye, that had been aimed and thrown with deadly precision by the steadiest hand in the vampire clan.</p><p>Mika didn't pause to look back, he didn't pause at all. He ducked only enough to evade Kurda's dagger, then in one fluid, effortless motion he drew his own blade and launched himself at the vampaneze who'd been holding Gracie. She may not have had vampiric reflexes, but being both Mika and Kurda's daughter, you have to keep in mind that she's pretty fucking smart. So she dove out of the way and gave Mika a clear path to drive his blade into the purple man's throat.</p><p>Two down. Four to go.</p><p>The distraction was enough for Renley to slip from his captor's grip and launch a vicious assault on the band of purple-skinned enemies. In a split second, Kurda had charged into the fray as well. Mika hadn't seen him since they'd shared a bed that night last year, but he didn't have time to think about that.</p><p>All Mika wanted to do was pull Gracie into his arms, hug her, and wipe the spatter of blood from her cheek, and tell her how sorry he was until his voice gave out. But that would have to wait.</p><p>"Kurda?!" She yelped, staring over Mika's shoulder as though hypnotized.</p><p>"The one and only. Now get in your car, and stay there." Mika told her seriously as he pulled her to her feet. "We'll keep them away from you. As soon as they're down, we'll flit you back to the mountain. We can't flee while we're outnumbered, or they'll track us. But be ready to drive away if this takes a turn for the worse. If that happens, call the Vampire Mountain phone. Seba will send a General or another Prince to find you."</p><p>Even as she was half-paralyzed in terror, Mika saw a spark of indignation flare up in Gracie's eyes and was once again reminded of how much she really was his kid.</p><p>"Dad, you can't just expect me to -"</p><p>"If there was ever a time not to argue with me, this is it. Get. To. Your. Car." Mika cut her off. He didn't like the chill in his voice that accompanied those words, but the only thing that mattered right now was that she didn't question him. Then maybe they'd both live to trade snarky comebacks another day.</p><p>The sudden diversion, followed by Kurda Fucking Smahlt himself materializing inexplicably in their midst was enough to level the playing field, and Gracie was able to sprint to her car while Mika watched her back. Once Gracie was marginally safer in her locked vehicle, Mika could refocus on the battle that had broken out. All he had to do was keep the vampaneze away from the car until they'd killed enough of them to make a safe getaway.</p><p>Renley and Kurda had begun fighting two vampaneze each during the brief recess Mika had taken to deal with Gracie. Admittedly, Kurda was fighting disturbingly well, for a career pacifist who hadn't so much as practice-sparred in almost a decade. He could nearly keep pace with Mika and Renley, whose entire lives revolved around combat.</p><p>Mika locked his sights on the bigger of the two vampaneze facing Kurda and slammed him into the ground. The purple man bounced back as quickly as he'd fallen, his pointed nails trained on Mika's throat.</p><p>Any other time, Mika would've relished a chance to take on a challenge like this. It wasn't often he came across someone close to his skill level. It was like fighting Arrow or Vancha - closely matched, except he wasn't familiar with the vampaneze's fighting style. This added an extra element of challenge. He was able to keep ahead of the vampaneze, but landing a fatal blow proved harder than expected.</p><p>But Mika was faring well enough that had time to glance at Renley and Kurda every now and then. And if it had been a different situation, he would've been doubled over laughing at the looks they were shooting each other. It was painfully clear neither had expected to see the other here.</p><p>"You brought THIS guy, Mika? You have the entire clan at your command. Why him?" Kurda grunted as he scrapped with his vampaneze. The vampaneze was much wider than Kurda was, but not nearly as quick. Kurda was holding his own just fine.</p><p>"He was pretty much standing in the next room when I got the call." Mika explained through gritted teeth as he grappled with his next opponent. "I wasn't about to wait for applications."</p><p>"Yeah, well..." Kurda panted, shooting Mika a quick scowl. "...he was a dick to me in General training."</p><p>"Did you ever wonder if maybe he was a dick to you because you were condescending and righteous to him first?" Mika replied matter-of-factly as he effortlessly blocked a shot at his unguarded throat, and retaliated with a sharp jab into the vampaneze's ribs.</p><p>"...Not the case!" Kurda snapped back.</p><p>"You paused." Mika smirked, shooting the briefest of glances in the blond's direction. But not so brief he didn't catch Kurda rolling his eyes.</p><p>"Fuck you, Mika." Kurda panted. Mika could've sworn he saw a smile playing on Kurda's lips.</p><p>"You sure did." Mika affirmed with a grim chuckle as he sent his vampaneze staggering backwards with a swift kick to the stomach. "You look good, by the way." He added, glancing at Kurda before steeling himself to block the vampaneze's counterstrike.</p><p>"I CAN HEAR YOU BOTH." Renley bellowed from about ten feet away where he was still dealing with the other two vampaneze. They were the smallest of the group, and Renley towered over them. But two against one still isn't ideal, and Renley clearly had his work cut out for him.</p><p>"Send one my way, Ren." Said Mika with a bloodthirsty laugh. Suddenly, there was satisfaction to be had here. These vampaneze really thought they could bring Mika to his knees. They really thought they could manipulate him into making THAT choice. They were already well on their way to regretting it.</p><p>A second vampaneze flew at Mika's throat but Mika was ready. He switched from sword to dagger on the fly, and poised himself to bury it in the vampaneze's chest. The vampanze ducked out of the way with a level grace and precision that Mika couldn't help but admire. Had these men not just crossed his daughter, Mika might've even given him a compliment. The Vampaneze Lord clearly chose his best warriors for this mission, it took all Mika's focus to stay ahead of them.</p><p>Suddenly, a stumble. It happened in the blink of an eye but it could've easily been game over for Mika. One of the vampaneze landed a crushing blow to Mika's chest, sending him to his knees while the other slashed towards his face, nails outstretched. Mika braced himself to lose an eye, at the very least. But before the vampaneze made contact he was abruptly slammed sideways - crumbled to the pavement after a decisive headshot from Kurda.</p><p>Kurda... The battlefield may not have been Kurda's calling in life, but standing there with the muted glow of the streetlights reflecting in his eyes, he looked every inch a warrior. A bloodstained guardian angel.</p><p>"You okay?" Kurda murmured, haunted blue eyes running worriedly over Mika.</p><p>"Of course I'm okay. You're here." Mika forced out as his lungs worked to recover from the hit to his chest. Kurda grabbed his hands roughly and pulled him back to his feet. The vampaneze didn't stay down for long, the vampires had their work cut out for them.</p><p>Mika abruptly realized he'd never fought by Kurda's side quite like this before. During their relationship, it generally took Mika hours of begging and bribery just to convince Kurda to spar with him when he was bored, or if Arrow was busy. But sparring didn't hold a candle to this, the two of them fighting side-by-side, same goal, watching each other's backs.</p><p>Don't get it twisted - this situation was still awful, still critical, and Mika still felt like he could be sick with fear if he let his focus slip for even a moment.</p><p>But he'd forgotten how simply exquisite Kurda was. Despite the fact that he didn't relish combat even a little bit, he was chillingly good at it. What he lacked in power he made up for in speed and logic. He had a way of using physics in his favour turning his opponent's strength against them. And it was breathtaking to watch. At least, in Mika's opinion. He didn't have time to spare Kurda many glances though.</p><p>But it was fine. It was gruelling, but they were winning. Mika was better, tougher, smarter... a more polished fighter overall. Not to mention he had fiery, protective rage on his side. Being outnumbered wasn't great, but he was holding his own nicely. He was bleeding, hurting... but so were the vampaneze. And more so.</p><p>And suddenly, from somewhere on his left, he heard Kurda cry out in pain. And Mika's focus instinctively shifted. He looked. Kurda had taken a hard hit, and was clutching his right wrist against his chest in a way that suggested it was broken. He was also covered in a concerning amount of blood. Mika was already fighting two vampaneze on his own, but his temper flared and he sent the smaller of his two opponents flying down into the pavement with one well-placed chest shot. He readied himself to run at Kurda's and absolutely bury the purple son of a bitch for daring to draw blood from the blond's perfect body.</p><p>That's where things went south.</p><p>As we've discussed, Mika's considerably more proficient than his peers when it comes to keeping a cool, clear head in the heat of battle. Definitely better than Arrow. Probably Vancha too. So he's got that going for him.</p><p>But nobody's immune to a panic-induced moment of distraction. And that was all it took. Mika's sword was knocked from his hand. A lucky shot.</p><p>That wouldn't have been a problem. Mika was just as skilled hand-to-hand as he was with a sword. But the problem was that he wasted exactly one precious second trying to maintain his grasp on the hilt of his weapon, rather than let it fall and maintain his focus.</p><p>And that was all it took for his two opponents to gain the upper hand.</p><p>During that brief moment of distraction, the smaller vampaneze slashed at his throat, and Mika avoided it by mere inches. He twisted wildly to get out of the way, but the effort threw him off balance and he paid dearly. The larger vampaneze (think Arrow-sized) sent him flying with a heavy blow to the head, and Mika saw the pavement flying up to meet him. He braced himself for the impact, then used the momentum to launch himself back at the enemy. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kurda beginning to struggle as he adjusted to fighting with his one good hand.</p><p>Mika tried to collect his thoughts enough to send a telepathic message to Renley, to go back Kurda up before he lost the fight completely.</p><p>But he didn't get that far. A second blow to the head followed immediately by one to the chest sent him back to the ground again. This time he didn't get up nearly as quickly. He rolled over, ears ringing, seeing stars, bleeding from just about everywhere but mad as hell and ready to go back for more.</p><p>"Go get the human. Break the windows. Whatever you have to do. I'll keep him out of your way." The larger vampaneze grunted to the other, who nodded and turned in the direction of Gracie's car.</p><p>I think the fuck not.</p><p>Kurda wasn't the only vampire here who could throw a blade with murderous accuracy. In one swift motion Mika pulled his dagger from its sheath and sent it soaring through the air. It ended its flight path buried hilt-deep in the vampaneze's back, and he fell heavily.</p><p>Then, another concussive shock to his system as a heavy boot made contact with the side of Mika's skull. And another to the stomach. The pain was crippling, but the disorientation was worse. It took the cooperation of every brain cell, muscle strand, and nerve ending in his body to slowly force himself back up to his feet for another round.</p><p>And fuck, Mika thought, maybe this was karma truly finishing him off for good. He put Gracie in danger just by adopting her all those years ago and it had finally come full circle. He was paying the price for his actions. But she was going to be fine. He saw the lights on her car come to life, heard the engine hum to life, watched her drive away. She was doing what he'd told her to do - getting the hell out of here, saving herself. She'd call Seba, and he'd send someone to rescue her immediately.</p><p>After watching Mika struggle in pain for a few moments, the last vampaneze was advancing for a final assault now. Renley and Kurda couldn't help - their opponents were making sure of that, fighting harder than ever to keep the vampires separated. Kurda noticed Mika's peril first, and the panic in his eyes hurt more than an injury ever could. He heard Kurda scream his name, sounding so much further away than he actually was. Renley looked over his shoulder sharply and immediately realized the dire situation they were in. He took a wild, desperate shot at his opponent's eye which resulted in the vampaneze gouging a long gash in Renley's stomach. Renley bellowed in pain, but kept fighting.</p><p>All Mika could do was watch. He no longer had his sword, it lay on the asphalt a few meters away. He'd put up a hell of a fight though, and the vampaneze was moving slowly. He had a wide range of their own injuries. But Mika was still at a disadvantage, and he knew it. He'd put up one final fight. It wouldn't be enough but maybe he could take this enemy with him. Or at hurt him enough to make it easier for Kurda or Ren to finish him off. His head was pounding so much he could barely even see them. He felt a jolt of regret. He didn't want them to watch him die. Not Renley, and definitely not Kurda.</p><p>But no matter what happened next, Mika would never regret a single thing he did for Gracie. She was and would always be the best thing that ever happened to him. And dying at the hands of the vampaneze was what it took to save her, then fuck it. She was his daughter. His family. His entire heart and soul. His very universe itself. Giving her his life would be an honour. He owed her that much. Besides, she'd be of no use to the vampaneze clan once Mika was dead. They'd have no reason to pursue her.</p><p>And then, the sight of her vehicle slowly pulling around the corner of the building, back into Mika's line of vision truly cemented, once again, the fact that she was indeed his daughter. Because just like him, she was apparently dead fucking useless at following someone else's orders.</p><p>At first Mika was certain he was hallucinating from the amount of blunt-force trauma his head had already endured. Truthfully, he'd never felt 100 percent after the fight with Arrow and Vancha so this was the last thing he needed. But it wasn't a hallucination, or a mirage - she was coming back. Lots of people drove jet-black Honda CR-vs, but only one had custom plates that said "VERLETH".</p><p>What the hell, Gracie? What are you doing?</p><p>With difficulty he kept his facial expression slack and neutral so as not to tip off the vampaneze; his backs was facing her. He looked past him and made eye contact with her from the other side of the parking lot, slowly shaking his head in a way that would be imperceptible to his enemy but maybe, just maybe get the message across to her.</p><p>Get out of here! He longed to scream at her. I'm trying to do the right thing! I ruined your life, Gracie! Just let me do this one fucking thing!</p><p>But she was making some hand gesture at him and he had to squint to see it. She pointed directly at him, then pointed up. Then she pointed at the vampaneze, held up a fist and socked it against the open palm of her other hand.</p><p>Maybe Mika would've caught on a little quicker if he he wasn't so disoriented, but his vision was fading rapidly so all he could do was blink in confusion.</p><p>Until he heard her shift her car into gear. And then he knew exactly what she was about to do, as clearly as if he was right there in her mind.</p><p>It wasn't something he wanted her to do, but it was clear she was going to do it regardless. And he was powerless to do anything but get out of her way.</p><p>It happened in a split second. The vampaneze lunged at Mika. At the same moment, he heard the engine hum as her car came hurtling across the parking lot towards them. The vampaneze turned at the last second, but it was too late. Mika summoned the last of his energy and launched himself up and sideways, barely escaping the path of the SUV as it crashed headlong into the concrete wall. The sound of crunching metal and glass was accompanied by the sickening crack of bones breaking as the vampaneze was crushed between the car and the wall. He registered Kurda's scream of shock and terror; it sounded more far away that it actually was. But Mika wasn't thinking about Kurda right now.</p><p>Mika scrambled to his feet, swaying but determined, and wrenched the drivers door open to pull Gracie out. The airbag had deployed but she hadn't picked up enough speed to cause herself any serious injuries as far as Mika could see. She was conscious, but shellshocked. She gazed up at Mika as though not entirely certain who he was.</p><p>"I'm here Gracie. Stay with me." He panted. "Can you hear me?"</p><p>Mika swiftly retrieved his dagger and sliced through her seatbelt; the airbag kept him from reaching to the other side where the clip was.</p><p>"Dad..." came the feeble reply as she gazed blearily back at him.</p><p>"What the hell was that? That wasn't part of the plan." Said Mika shakily as he gently but quickly pulled her out of the smoking wreck of the car.</p><p>"Did... did I get him?" She mumbled, utterly stunned. She tried to look at the front of the car but Mika turned his body so that she couldn't get a clear view of the gruesome mess. She'd absolutely "gotten" him, but he ignored her question. Even though these vampaneze had been hostile, she didn't need that image to haunt her. She'd been though too much already. The universe granted her one small mercy, though - the airbag blocked her view of the carnage while she was in the car, and Mika was shielding her from seeing it now.</p><p>"You didn't have to do that... You should have just kept driving. You saved me. " Mika forced out, shaking so hard his lips could barely form the words. He slowly knelt to the pavement, unable to keep himself upright. He wrapped his arms tightly around Gracie, cradling her against his chest as she began to sob weakly.</p><p>And Mika knew that no amount of love could ever, ever make up for this.</p><p>"I'm sorry." Mika whispered helplessly, over and over and over again. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."</p><p>There was just nothing else he could possibly say.</p><p>The game-changing interference had created the mother of all distractions, but Renley's focus hadn't dropped for an instant. He finished off his vampaneze with a fierce slice across the throat. That left Kurda's opponent. Renley may have had mixed (i.e. bad) feelings for Kurda, but he was an honourable man so he flew to Kurda's side for backup and within seconds the last vampaneze was dead.</p><p>Mika glanced up just long enough to take that all in, and exhaled slowly. The sudden relief and ebb of adrenaline had him dizzy. But he shook it off and returned all of his focus to Gracie where it belonged.</p><p>"It's over. I got you. You're going to be fine." Said Mika, feeling the words catch in his throat. "Does anything hurt?"</p><p>"Ribs hurt... head hurts. Nothing broken." She replied numbly.</p><p>"Gracie?!" Came Kurda's voice, saturated in an anguish so profound it cut into a piece of Mika's heart he didn't know he still had. "Oh my gods, Gracie..."</p><p>The second his opponent was down, Kurda raced to Mika's side and sunk down to the pavement. Kurda wrapped his arms around both of them; Mika could feel him trembling.</p><p>"Dad?" Gracie whispered, staring up at Kurda's tear-streaked face with hazy disbelief.</p><p>Ever since the betrayal, she'd almost exclusively referred to Kurda by his first name, usually with a reserved chill in her voice when she said it. But suddenly, in this moment of impossible confusion, Kurda simply was 'Dad' once more. And that did things to Mika's heart he couldn't put into words. And he knew it did that for Kurda too.</p><p>"You're here... I can't believe you're here..." she stuttered out, staring at him as though convinced he was going to evaporate before her eyes.</p><p>"Of course I'm here. Wish it was different circumstances." Kurda croaked, kissing her forehead and holding her tighter.</p><p>"You're in exile from the clan... how did you...?"</p><p>"I called him, Gracie. I can grant him temporary clearance. But even if I couldn't, I would've called him anyway. You were in danger, and all that mattered was protecting you." Mika told her quietly. "I know this isn't how you wanted to reunite after all those years, but... desperate measures."</p><p>She nodded blearily, taking it all in.</p><p>"I'm so sorry this happened to you. All of it." Kurda choked out. "But you're safe." His voice was cracking so badly it was barely audible, he had to fight to get the words out: "I thought I was going to lose you again... both of you."</p><p>Kurda pressed his face into Mika's shoulder and spoke no more. He leaned into Mika's body as though it was providing him shelter from a terrible storm. Mika hadn't wasted any precious time grabbing a coat before he left the mountain, so he could feel Kurda's tears soaking through the thin fabric of his t-shirt and into his skin.</p><p>Mika would never forget the first time he ever saw Kurda cry, decades ago now. They weren't together then, barely even friends. But the sight of his tears and the heartbreaking sound triggered some overpowering feeling inside Mika he'd never experienced and didn't understand. Whenever, gods forbid, Kurda broke down, Mika's finely tuned internal system unhinged itself entirely, and sent him into a downward spiral. An overwhelming need to destroy whatever was causing Kurda pain. And if he couldn't do that, then to hold him until the hurt stopped.</p><p>Mika kept one of his arms firmly locked around Gracie but the other slipped around Kurda's shoulders, and held on just as tightly, his forehead pressed into Kurda's temple.</p><p>"It's okay..." Mika murmured near Kurda's ear, so quietly that even Gracie, at the core of their embrace, wouldn't have heard him. "We got her. It's okay. We're okay."</p><p>And for a few precious seconds frozen in time - the rest of the world stopped turning. Nothing else existed. No war, no vanpaneze, no prophecies, no heartbreak. The smoke from the car wreck faded away, as did the muffled hum of the sleeping city around them. For this moment only, it was simply the three of them, like it was back when their universe was still intact. The only way it ever should have been.</p><p>Renley did the right thing, the only correct course of action when he cautiously reached out and touched Mika's shoulder, breaking the spell and bringing him back to reality. But in that split second, Mika loathed him for it.</p><p>"We have to get out of here, I'm sorry." Renley murmured reluctantly.</p><p>"I know." Said Mika. He nodded to Renley then glanced back to Gracie, gently stroking her cheek with his thumb. "Time to go, Princess. You ready for a flit?"</p><p>"I don't feel good..." she groaned softly.</p><p>"I can put you to sleep for the trip, or you can stay awake. It's up to you, but either way we're leaving right now." Mika replied. He kept his voice soft but was unable to keep the urgency from creeping in. He could hear sirens in the distance.</p><p>"Yeah... sleep."</p><p>"Okay. Just close your eyes. When you open them, we'll be safe in Vampire Mountain." Said Mika.</p><p>"I love you, Gracie." Said Kurda with a quiet sort of desperation as he disentangled his arms from her and Mika. But his hand cling to Gracie's for another moment before they broke apart completely. "I love you more than anything in the world. I'm sorry for all of it. We'll see each other again."</p><p>"Love you." She whispered back, squeezing his hand.</p><p>And Mika knew those two words had just given Kurda about a thousand years worth of serotonin. So at least there was one tiny silver lining to be found in this night from hell. Mika watched Kurda's eyes cycle through a hurricane of emotions - terror, hope, grief, guilt, determination. But above all - incomprehensible, unconditional love.</p><p>"Alright. Ready for a nap?" Mika asked softly.</p><p>Gracie nodded and closed her eyes.</p><p>Becoming a vampire involves a lot of hardship but it's almost worth it for the toolkit of handy features that come included. Flitting, for one. And the telepathy - handier than a cell phone, and completely free. Also, the ability to exhale "poison". Although 'poison' was a misleading term. It more of a sedative than anything else. Mika didn't use it very often, since living full-time in the mountain meant he didn't have to sedate humans to drink blood. Also, his magic breath didn't work on himself - he tried long ago when he couldn't fall asleep. But he was sure grateful to have it now. One light breath and Gracie was asleep in his arms. After what she'd been through that night, she didn't need the extra stress of being conscious for the rapid flit back to the mountain.</p><p>Once she was out, Mika looked to Renley.</p><p>"How injured are you?" He asked.</p><p>"I've been better, but I'm in one piece." Said Renley. He was bruised and bleeding, but he was staring back at Mika with blazing determination.</p><p>"You look better than me." Said Mika. "Can you make the flit from here to Vampire Mountain without stopping?"</p><p>"Shouldn't be a problem."</p><p>"Alright. I need you to take her back." Said Mika. "Get her to Dr. Yang the second you arrive."</p><p>Renley nodded seriously - without a trace of his typical devil-may-care attitude. As Mika carefully transferred Gracie's sleeping form into Renley's arms, he could feel Kurda's gaze scalding him. But Kurda didn't openly object, and Renley held onto Gracie as delicately as though she was a basket of baby birds.</p><p>This is why, of all the vampires available tonight, Mika chose Renley as his backup. Because, for reasons far beyond Mika's comprehension, the young General woke up one day and decided he was in love with Mika. Although Mika hadn't yet taken a stance on that, he knew one thing: Gracie was safe on Renley's watch. Although Kurda also could've gotten her home safely, unlike Ren he wouldn't have been a welcome sight at the gates of Vampire Mountain.</p><p>"What about you?" Renley croaked, glancing urgently at Mika as he cradled Gracie in his arms.</p><p>"I'll be right behind you as soon as I can." Mika promised. "I just need a minute or two before I can flit. Still seeing double."</p><p>"Of course. But are you sure you'll be okay alone?" Renley pressed, to Mika's irritation. "You're really pale. You took a lot of hits, and you've already had a bad concussion this year."</p><p>"Ren... just get her out of here. I'll get there when I get there." Mika ordered hoarsely. "Please."</p><p>"Fine. Be safe." Said Renley. He gave Mika one final, pointed nod before disappearing into the night with Gracie.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>I tried to imagine</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>Your reaction</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>It didn't scare me when the earthquake happened</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>But it really got me thinkin'</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>That night we went drinkin'</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>Stumbled in the house</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>And didn't make it past the kitchen</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>Ah it's been a year now</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>Think I've figured out how</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>How to think about you without it rippin' my heart out</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>And I know you know we know you weren't down for forever and it's fine</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>I know you know we know we weren't meant for each other and it's fine</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"'You've already had a bad concussion this year!'" Kurda mimicked Renley the second he was gone. Then his voice abruptly turned judgemental and harsh. It was a strange and unusual colour on him. "What is he, your manager?"</p><p>"He tries. But as you told me multiple times, I'm unmanageable." Said Mika wearily, shooting a loaded glance in Kurda's direction.</p><p>"I hope like hell you know what you're doing, letting him take her." Kurda added, dubiousness etched in his tired face as he continued to cradle his broken wrist. Mika slowly turned on the spot and locked his eyes on Kurda's.</p><p>And sure as fuck, over seven years later... Even here in this bloodstained parking lot, next to the smoking remains of the car his daughter had wrecked in exchange for his life - the second Mika's steel grey met Kurda's oceanic turquoise, he felt like he just came home after a lifetime adrift.</p><p>"Of course I know what I'm doing, Kurda." Mika whispered. "That's our daughter."</p><p>"I trust you." Kurda countered guardedly. "But you have to appreciate where I'm coming from. General Azerion is one step above a perfect stranger to me. I was surprised to see you didn't have Arrow as your backup for this."</p><p>"You've been gone for a while. Nothing lasts forever." Said Mika, his voice catching in his throat. Kurda studied him for a moment, face unreadable.</p><p>"Is there... something between you and Azerion?" The blond ex-General inquired bluntly. His voice had a harsher edge to it that was unfamiliar to Mika. Whether that was a product of the current situation, or a result of his years of reflective solitude, Mika wasn't sure.</p><p>"Why do you ask?"</p><p>"One: you have a type, and your type is attractive, top-tier Generals. And two: he was staring at you the way I used to, whenever I thought about you railing me into next century." Said Kurda hollowly. And Mika's jaw dropped a little bit at the crude abruptness of that. Clearly Kurda was no longer interested in sugar-coating his words like he used to. Raw, sardonic comments always been more Mika's area of expertise. How strange it was to hear that from Kurda's lips.</p><p>But it wasn't nearly the strangest thing that happened that day.</p><p>Mika no longer had the mental clarity to mask his emotions the way he normally did. Without warning he felt himself crumble from the inside out, and clearly it showed on his face because Kurda's eyes went cold. A level of confusion and betrayal that Mika had only ever seen once before... but where?</p><p>Oh, right. On his own face. In the mirror that night after Kurda left. Right before he ran his fist through it.</p><p>Mika couldn't speak, couldn't think. But Kurda always had a habit of filling those blanks in the rare moments when Mika couldn't do it himself.</p><p>"Never mind, I'm sorry I asked. I'm not entitled to your personal information. If you trust him with Gracie's life, that's good enough for me." Said Kurda, face blank and expressionless. His every mannerism indicated this part of the conversation was over.</p><p>"I do." Mika croaked. Those two tiny words took more strength than they should have. They were true, he did trust Renley to keep Gracie safe. Renley was a great vampire, a star General, but more importantly, he was simply a good man. And Mika adored him. Sometimes he thought maybe he could grow to love him over time.</p><p>And now he was standing here, bloody and beaten, in shock, exhausted. The wheels were coming off, adrenaline slowing down, trauma of the night sinking in. But Kurda was here with him.</p><p>It would only ever be Kurda.</p><p>"We have to get out of here." Mika added, giving his head a little shake. "I can't flit yet, I'll black out. But we can walk."</p><p>Kurda nodded in quiet affirmation. Mika paused at the back of Gracie's ruined car, and used his dagger to pry off her custom license plate which he tucked into the duffel bag of her belongings he'd pulled from the back seat.</p><p>"The police will still be able to trace who the vehicle belongs to, even without the plate." Kurda remarked. "Without context, it looks like she killed someone and fled the scene."</p><p>"I know. And it doesn't matter, they'll never find her." Mika grunted. "I just thought she'd want to keep the plate. She loved this car."</p><p>"You're right. She'll appreciate it." Kurda replied as they began to walk. "Guess there wasn't enough room for 'Smahlt' on there." He added as a pointed afterthought.</p><p>"She legally changed her last name over a year ago." Said Mika, not without some degree of reluctance.</p><p>"Ouch."</p><p>"Are you really surprised, Kurda? Put yourself in her position."</p><p>"I suppose I'm not surprised."</p><p>They walked in silence for several minutes.</p><p>"I arrived just in time to overhear their plan to take the Stone. To use you." Said Kurda desolately, once they'd put several blocks between them and the scene of the disaster. They wandered into a city park. "How far their clan must have fallen under their lord's new regime... I can't wrap my head around it. None of the vampaneze I used to know would have consented to be part of something so vile. Indisputable honour is coded into their DNA, even more than ours. I don't understand it. Capturing and extorting a Vampire Prince in order to manipulate the Stone of Blood goes against everything they believe-"</p><p>"I don't care, Kurda." Mika croaked. "I don't give a damn if it contradicts what we used to know. It still happened. They did the fucking thing that's haunted my nightmares since she came home! They came after our daughter to get to me!"</p><p>"I KNOW THAT!" Kurda roared back, his volume ascending so suddenly that Mika jolted in alarm. "I was there too! I witnessed the whole thing! And I know you're terrified, I know you're blaming yourself, and I know you just want to scream until you throw up! BECAUSE THAT'S HOW I FEEL! I DON'T LOVE HER ANY LESS THAN YOU DO!"</p><p>"I know. I'm sorry." Said Mika defeatedly. He had no desire to raise his voice in retaliation, he was drained. He slowly collapsed onto a park bench. "I know you love her. You're the only one who understands how this feels. You were right there with me. You didn't hesitate when I said we needed help. I trusted you to save us, and you did."</p><p>Kurda sat down beside him. He left a little space between them, but not much.</p><p>"You're my family, Mika. I don't even have you, and you're still all I've got!" Said Kurda weakly. "I'd fight for you. I'd kill for you. And I'd die for you. It's the least I can do at this point."</p><p>Another crushing, impossible silence that was somehow almost as gruelling as the physical violence they'd both endured.</p><p>"Kurda, Desmond Tiny came to Vampire Mountain last year. A few months after I saw you." Mika blurted out. He expected Kurda's face to slacken in shock but the blond just nodded grimly.</p><p>"I know."</p><p>"How?!"</p><p>"Because he came to my damn house afterwards to tell me all about it! He wouldn't give me all the dirty details about his meeting with you, though - I had to find those out from Vancha!"</p><p>Mika felt the blood drain from his face.</p><p>"Tiny came to your house? Why?"</p><p>Kurda exhaled slowly, as though though in great physical pain. And he told Mika about his encounter with Tiny in the same vivid detail he'd given Vancha. Then he went on to describe that very occasion - where Vancha showed up unexpectedly at his house after Paris's funeral.</p><p>"I can't believe Vancha went looking for you. No one tells me anything." Said Mika after Kurda's tale came to a close. He tried to keep his voice offhanded, but failed miserably. His mind was spinning even faster than before and he didn't think that was possible.</p><p>"You didn't tell me Tiny showed up at your doorstep! You didn't tell me about his new prophecy, or that you yelled at him, and you definitely didn't tell me he threatened you and the clan!" Kurda countered heatedly.</p><p>"What would it have accomplished, other than me having to re-live it all over again? You're still exiled."</p><p>"Mika, there's so much more to this that we realize!" Kurda argued plaintively. "I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. But it can't be a coincidence that he visited both of us."</p><p>"Of course it's not a coincidence." Mika snarled, laced with bitterness. "He's a sadistic fucking bastard who gets off on watching people panic for his own entertainment."</p><p>"That's true..." Kurda groaned impatiently. "But think about it. He told us the same thing: you and I weren't both meant to survive last council. I was supposed to poison you, or you were supposed to execute me. But we're both still here - and the odds of that happening were so low he didn't even factor them in. Somewhere along the way, we did something that put his grand plan off the rails!"</p><p>"No shit, Kurda! I practically begged Paris and Arrow to bend the rules to keep you from the stakes! I went against everything I believe in, because I couldn't live with your blood on my hands!" Said Mika, throat closing up as his heart pounded. "And I didn't spare you because I was in love with you - I could've put my duties above my own feelings. I spared you because Gracie loved you just as much as I did. You're alive because of her, not me."</p><p>Mika ran his hands through his hair, breathing heavily, fighting so damn hard to keep it all together. No matter how those scars healed, all it took was those memories to tear them open all over again. Kurda said nothing, just stared at him with those soulful eyes that contained galaxies.</p><p>"You were ready to take me down with all the others." Mika continued determinedly, voice breaking. "And don't look at me like that, I know why you did it. Trust me, I understand it now. But by all of our laws, and the information we had at the time, what you did warranted a death sentence."</p><p>"Mika-"</p><p>"No wonder Tiny didn't call that outcome! No other Vampire Prince in history was this fucking weak!" Mika finished, the last words coming out as a strangled sob.</p><p>"You're so many things. But you're not weak. Your brain is lying to you. Love isn't weakness." Kurda croaked out, gravel in his voice.</p><p>"It doesn't matter anymore. We may have saved Gracie, but we're going to lose the war. Because the game is fucking rigged."</p><p>"You don't know everything, Mika." Kurda told him. He cautiously extended his hand and placed it on Mika's leg as they sat there, side by side with no one to watch them except the stars above.</p><p>"I don't know anything!" Mika fired back, voice ragged, radiating devastation from his very soul. "I've been living in the middle of this war for seven years! All I think about is how to make it stop, and look how far it's gotten me! I almost lost everything tonight!"</p><p>Kurda stared back at him with a hurricane of emotion in his eyes. As if there were a million things he wanted to say, but there weren't enough words in the universe to get them across. And Mika knew that for a fact, because it was how he felt too.</p><p>"I have to go." Mika croaked out after another long pause. "If I wait any longer, I won't be able to make the flit before the sun rises. I have to get back to Gracie."</p><p>Mika stood up to go, but Kurda's hand clenching around his wrist held him in place for a moment longer and he sat back down on the bench.</p><p>"Mika, I need you to do something for me when you get back to Vampire Mountain."</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"There's a wooden chest in my old cell. Or it was there. Could've very well been destroyed by now-"</p><p>"No one's set foot in your cell since you left. It's locked and I have the key." Mika interrupted.</p><p>Kurda smiled thinly.</p><p>"Good. Open the chest. There's an envelope in there that has your name on it. It's a letter I wrote you before my investiture. With everything that happened... you never got a chance to read it. But I think you should."</p><p>"What does it say?"</p><p>"What I thought would be my last words to you."</p><p>Mika let out a cold laugh that had all the humour of a bloody razorblade.</p><p>"Let me guess. You wanted to give me hope one last time before you had me killed. As if those memories haven't tortured me enough yet? Now, seven years later, you're telling me there's more?"</p><p>"You just have to trust me. Trust me like you did tonight." Kurda cut him off. "Can you do that? Promise me you'll read the last thing I wanted you to know before I set that plan in motion?"</p><p>Mika exhaled loudly, and laughed again. The same heartbreaking sound that really wasn't a laugh at all.</p><p>"Sure, Kurda. I'll read it." He snorted. "Why the fuck not? What's one more trip to rock bottom?"</p><p>"Take care of our daughter, Mika." Kurda whispered. When his voice broke, and took Mika's heart right down with it.</p><p>The last of the fight evaporated from Mika's body, leaving him as raw and vulnerable as he'd been during every real-life nightmare he'd lived through the last seven years: The trial. The exile. Losing Arra. Telling Gracie. Going to war. Losing Arlo. Staring into the face of the devil himself - Desmond Tiny. Losing Paris. His friendship with Arrow going up in smoke. The phone call from Gracie. The terror and the violence that followed. Everything that led up to this moment.</p><p>He wanted to fall to his knees and scream into the void until every corner of the universe knew he was giving up. He wanted to lie down and surrender. But he couldn't do that. He had to put the mask back on yet again. Had to pick himself up and carry on like he'd done so many times already. He didn't want to do it anymore. But he didn't have a choice now. He had to do it for Gracie.</p><p>So when he looked Kurda dead in the eye and whispered -</p><p>"Come back to the mountain with me."</p><p>- it was coming from a place of such crushing defeat, Mika almost didn't recognize his own voice. He certainly hadn't planned to say those words. He was as surprised to hear them as Kurda was. He was fully aware of the many reasons why that option was neither logical nor viable. But his overloaded brain was shutting down, giving his heart a chance to slip into the driver's seat. And in this moment of weakness, it was all he wanted.</p><p>"You know I can't do that." Kurda choked out. He reached out and held his palm against the side of Mika's face, and Mika leaned into it as though the physical contact was the only lifeline he had. Mika didn't say anything. He just melted into Kurda, foreheads pressed together, his fingers tangled in Kurda's hair. That white-gold mane that had Mika hypnotized since day one.</p><p>"I'll make it so you can."</p><p>Kurda smiled sadly, wiped a tear from his eye, then one from Mika's. He shook his head solemnly.</p><p>"That's just the shock talking, Mika. You and I both know it's not that simple."</p><p>"Then what are you going to do?" Mika interrupted. "Go home and sit in your cabin? Watch the boats in the harbour all day like this never happened? While I help Gracie pick up the pieces of the life, on top of holding the clan together?"</p><p>"Mika..."</p><p>"I can't handle this alone anymore, Kurda!Every time I think I can't possibly fall lower, something else happens! What's next?! What's going to-"</p><p>"Babe. Stop." Kurda croaked out, louder this time, tinged in desperation. Those two syllables halted Mika in his tracks. Cooled his scalding panic like a tidal wave crashing through a wildfire. "Look at me. I know you've been dealing with my fallout alone this whole time. I know it's been hell. Apologizing won't change the past, but I swear to you, Mika: you're not alone anymore. I may not be there beside you, but I'm still in it with you. And I will not rest until we find a way to end this once and for all." Kurda finished. There was a steely ferocity in his eyes that Mika had never seen, and a bite to his tone Mika had never heard.</p><p>Mika slowly leaned forward, face in his hands, forcing himself to breathe through the panic while Kurda's bloodstained fingertips ran soothingly through his hair. Once he'd had steadied himself, he sat upright once more to face Kurda.</p><p>"What are you going to do?" Mika asked, throat still burning. Kurda seemed to contemplate that for a moment. As he did so, his thumb traced gently across Mika's cheekbone while silently holding his gaze.</p><p>"Whatever it takes." Said Kurda. His words were simple, but the look in his eyes said more than words ever could.</p><p>And Mika believed him.</p><p>"Kurda, I still -"</p><p>"Shhhh... I know. Me too." Kurda's voice voice so low and comforting Mika wished he could record it and use it as a lullaby. And he didn't doubt for a second that Kurda had known exactly what he was about to say.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>But if the world was ending</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>You'd come over right</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>You'd come over and you'd stay the night</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>Would you love me for the hell of it</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>All our fears would be irrelevant</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>If the world was ending</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>You'd come over right</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>The sky'd be falling while I'd hold you tight</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>No there wouldn't be a reason why</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>We would even have to say goodbye</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>If the world was ending</strong>
  </em><br/>
<em>
    <strong>You'd come over, right?</strong>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>You made it!</p><p>You guys have no idea how hard this chapter was to write. I struggle with fight scenes to begin with, and throwing Gracie into the mix made everything a million times more difficult. I've known for a very, very long time I was going to have her life make a very sharp turn at some point, but when it finally came time to write it down... PAIN. The decision to have her become directly part of the action, rather than a helpless bystander, was not made lightly.</p><p>As with most chapters, there are portions I've had written for a long time, and other parts I added very recently, once I figured out what direction I need to move things in. I have a lot of very firm plans for how this story is going to end, and also a good portion that's still very much up in the air.</p><p>Thanks again for reading this far - once again, you guys make this so much more fun than it would be otherwise.</p><p>Stay safe and healthy everyone! My American friends - I'll be with you in spirit on Inauguration Day, live-streaming the whole damn thing from my office. Cheers!</p><p>- Roxy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Rest Your Head, I'm Permanent</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Is this the moment where I look you in the eye? Forgive my broken promise that you'll never see me cry<br/>And everything, it will surely change, Even if I tell you I won't go away today</p><p>***</p><p>Mika returns to Vampire Mountain and deals with the fallout of the underhanded attempt on his and Gracie's lives. Meanwhile, Kurda may not be officially off the clan's shit list yet, but he's done sitting on the sidelines.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry this took so long. This was exquisitely difficult to write for about a thousand different reasons but I finally hit the "it's as good as it's gonna get" wall, so we are moving on!</p><p>There's a lot of emotional angst in here, but that's kind of my thing. If you haven't figured that out in 20 chapters then I don't know what to tell you.</p><p>The first chunk of this chapter is the last chunk the last chapter - re-written from Kurda's POV because I love that shit.</p><p>Also, I'm sorry I went and put Gracie through it. I know that may have been jarring - but I've known this part of the plotline was coming since like... oh god I want to say August? Occasionally I put a lot of thought into things, and this was one of those times.</p><p>Thank you for all your feedback via comments and Tumblr/Discord messages! You guys are literal angels. You feed my soul in ways you cannot even comprehend and I love you so much.</p><p> (And we won't talk about how irritated I am about the length differences between this story and the three that came before it).</p><p>Chapter 19: Rest Your Head, I'm Permanent</p><p>Song: Permanent by David Cook</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <strong>Is this the moment where I look you in the eye?</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Forgive my broken promise that you'll never see me cry</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>And everything, it will surely change</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Even if I tell you I won't go away today</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Come back to the mountain with me." Mika barely managed to croak out as they sat there side by side, huddled together on that park bench. Both reeling after the chilling encounter with the vampaneze that had almost certainly altered the trajectory of their daughter's life.</p><p>Kurda felt his soul leave his body. If he hadn't known the crippling anguish it had surely taken for Mika to utter those words, Kurda would've resented him for suggesting it.</p><p>Of course Kurda wanted to go back. Of course he wanted to go home. But it wasn't his home anymore.</p><p>"You know I can't do that." Said Kurda, his voice low and fractured by bitterness. He reached out instinctively to rest his hand longingly on Mika's face. And the way Mika leaned into it was devastating. Kurda shifted sideways on the bench so he was facing Mika more directly. Time stood still as their foreheads pressed together. Kurda exhaled as felt Mika reach around to fingers run through that platinum mane he'd always been so enthralled by. Their lips maintained a distance. But this physical contact was so much more intimate than any kiss. This was more intimate than sex itself. Eventually Mika pulled back slightly; Kurda heard him inhale shakily.</p><p>What Mika said: "I'll make it so you can."</p><p>What Kurda heard: Help me. Someone please fucking help me.</p><p>Kurda knew there were countless different definitions of strength, and he over time he'd come to understand he was strong in his own way. But Mika had always been the tough one. Tough as nails. Hard as diamond. Sure, Kurda had accessed a more vulnerable side of him during the course of their relationship that most vampires didn't see. But the fact remained that Mika had never caved easily, in any context. So for him to sound this defeated... it was a red flag, tornado siren, fire alarm.</p><p>Kurda already accepted the face that his exile sentence, as he knew it, had come to an end. He knew that the second he found out Gracie was in danger. For seven years he'd been living in his "new normal". What had been new was now old - it was over.</p><p>Kurda took a deep breath.</p><p>"That's just the shock talking, Mika." Kurda whispered. The effort it took to keep his voice steady, to not shatter like glass all over again, was astronomical. He didn't think he had any tears left in his body after earlier but he didn't want to test that theory. "You and I both know it's not that simple."</p><p>"Then what are you going to do? Go home and sit in your cabin? Watch the boats in the harbour all day like this never happened?" Mika snapped, hurt and panic flashing in his steely eyes. How abruptly he could still ricochet back to his default restrained aggression. "While I help Gracie pick up the pieces of the life, on top of holding the clan together?"</p><p>"Mika..."</p><p>"I can't handle this alone anymore, Kurda!" Mika continued. Kurda flinched. He couldn't believe Mika Fuck-You-I'll-Do-It-Myself Ver Leth actually managed to verbalized that statement. His voice increased in volume but it didn't have the same bite it used to. Gone was the easy, rock-solid cadence he'd always maintained so naturally, even during arguments. He was spiralling. He'd been spiralling since long before tonight. "Every time I think I can't possibly fall lower, something else happens! What's next?! What's going to-"</p><p>"Babe. Stop." Kurda murmured, locking his gaze onto Mika's. And that was all it took. Two simple words. He watched as Mika's entire body relaxed. Watched the fight fade from his eyes as he stared back at Kurda. "Look at me. I know you've been dealing with my fallout alone this whole time. I know it's been hell. Apologizing won't change the past, but I swear to you, Mika: you're not alone anymore. I may not be there beside you, but I'm still in it with you. And I will not rest until we find a way to end this once and for all." Kurda finished, steeled by the intensity of the emotions surging through his body.</p><p>And he meant it. By the gods, he meant every single fucking word. His entire body was shaking - but not in grief or panic. It was white-hot rage that burned within him. He was done sitting on the sidelines. Done playing spectator while Mika ran for his life in this marathon from hell that didn't seem to have a finish line.</p><p>Mika slowly leaned forward, face in his hands while Kurda's fingertips ran soothingly through his hair. Kurda sighed in dismay as he detected the drying blood caked into it - the dark red invisible against its obsidian backdrop.</p><p>"What are you going to do?" Mika asked bleakly as he sat upright after taking a few minutes to compose himself.</p><p>"Whatever it takes." Kurda told him firmly as he lightly ran his thumb across Mika's cheekbone. Mika was nodding back at him slowly, almost imperceptibly.</p><p>Then something shifted in Mika's face. Kurda knew exactly what he was about to say.</p><p>"Kurda, I still -"</p><p>"Shhhh... I know." Kurda whispered. "Me too."</p><p>I love you too, Mika.</p><p>And Kurda knew Mika knew. Some truths speak louder than words.</p><p>Mika left several minutes later to begin what would undoubtedly be a long and gruelling trip back to the mountain. Kurda figured Mika probably could've used more rest than he allowed himself, but Kurda knew it was pointless to bring it up. But he also knew as long as Gracie was in Vampire Mountain without him, there was nothing in the world that would stop Mika until he was back at her side.</p><p>Kurda knew the sun would start to rise within the hour, so he began to head back in the direction of the parking lot where the battle had taken place. Even if the human police had arrived, Kurda figured he could stay out of sight while putting his heightened vampiric senses to work. It was a long shot, but maybe he could track the scent of the slain vampaneze, retrace the steps they'd taken before arriving here. Maybe that would lead Kurda... somewhere. Anywhere.</p><p>It wasn't much, but it was a start.</p><p>He was over a kilometre away from the parking lot as he reached the edge of the park but he could already smell them. Funny, the scent was almost as strong as it had been at the scene of the fight itself.</p><p>He froze, his entire body on red alert. The source of the smell was coming closer. Unmistakably vampaneze. And it wasn't a new vampaneze. One was still alive.</p><p>A flicker of movement. The snap of a branch, the accompanying sound of rustling foliage. There he was - approaching Kurda. Slowly, but purposely. It was the final vampaneze to go down - and no wonder the job hadn't been finished. Mika was being beaten to a bloody pulp and Gracie had just ran her car into a wall. Renley plunged his blade into the vampaneze, then he'd sprinted to Mika's side with Kurda at his heels. They should have double checked, Kurda knew that. Both of them were highly trained Generals. Ex, in Kurda's case. But you don't forget the basics. Unless shit goes really, really wrong. Which was exactly what happened.</p><p>Kurda's heart pounded in his ears but he let his guard down. The vampaneze may have been up and about, but by the looks of him he wasn't long for this world. Being the honour-bound creature of the night he was, he'd clearly tracked Kurda down in hopes of a duel. He knew he was dying and he wanted to go out fighting.</p><p>Although Kurda resisted violence whenever he possibly could, that ship had sailed far, far away for tonight. And although he respected the vampaneze code with every fiber of his being, he wasn't sure if he could bend to the whims of a man who'd threatened his daughter. No matter who's orders he was acting under.</p><p>"I see you." Said Kurda loudly. He left his dagger in its sheath and held up his hands unthreateningly. "I'll admit, you've caught me by surprise."</p><p>"You vampires... aren't as polished... as I expected." Croaked the staggering vampaneze. "I gave you the fight of your life... you left me to bleed out and die on the ground... in this concrete jungle. You'd damn well... better be ready to finish the job."</p><p>"My apologies. We intended no disrespect." Said Kurda coolly. "I've always held the vanpaneze code in high regard. It seems your legendary morals have shifted, though. Are you or are you not responsible for the slaughter of a young human man in his own home?"</p><p>"I didn't come here to be interrogated!" The vampaneze hissed.</p><p>"Tell me the truth." Kurda snapped back. "If you can do that, I'll give you an honourable end. If not, I flit out of here and leave you to bleed out next to that garbage can. We both know you're not coming back from those wounds."</p><p>"My duty is to serve the Lord of the Vampaneze, not bend to the whims of a vampire has-been."</p><p>"So you do know who I am." Kurda remarked, arching an eyebrow.</p><p>"Every vampaneze on this planet knows who Kurda Smahlt is."</p><p>"I suppose I made a bit of a reputation for myself." Said Kurda. "Will you share your name with me?"</p><p>"My name is Marcel Cage." Said the vampaneze, looking Kurda dead in the eye even as he swayed on the spot. Blood was trickling from his mouth and nose. Kurda knew he didn't have much time.</p><p>"Marcel..." said Kurda slowly. "If you know anything about me, you know unity between the clans has been the motivation behind my entire career. I believe the vampaneze are worthy of more respect than the vampire clan has given them over the centuries-"</p><p>"Lot of good your grand plan... did either side." Marcel interrupted, spitting blood. "Almost forty vampaneze slaughtered... in the tunnels of Vampire Mountain... seven years ago. More dying by the day. I've lost friends, men and women who I considered... family."</p><p>"We all have." Kurda countered. He kept his tone deliberately calm and even. "I may be estranged from both clans, but I know-"</p><p>"You know nothing!" Marcel growled, his breathing growing shallower. "You have no idea what this war... has cost us! Even if our Lord leads us... to the end of the war... a vampaneze victory... what will be left of us?"</p><p>"Tell me more about him." Kurda urged. "Tell me about your Lord. You owe him nothing now. You did your bidding - you lost the fight fairly."</p><p>"I don't owe you any help... you vampiric traitor! I do not have to agree with... the Lord. But he will have my loyalty... until my dying breath."</p><p>"You worry about your clan losing their ways in the new regime?" Kurda pressed determinedly. "It feels wrong to you, doesn't it? You were ordered to murder a human in his home, with the extent to trap and extort a Vampire Prince. Where's the honour in that?"</p><p>"I'm not labouring under the delusion... that there's any honour in it. But the prophecy is clear. But we must... obey our leader... as your clan has always obeyed yours."</p><p>"Fuck Desmond Tiny and his prophecies." Kurda snapped, and he could've sworn he heard a bit of Mika in his own voice as he said those words. "No Vampire Prince would approve of something this low. Nor would the noble vampaneze I used to know."</p><p>"We didn't have a choice." Said Marcel, his voice growing quieter by the minute even as his face maintained a stony glare.</p><p>"Have you ever seen him? The Lord of the Vampaneze?"</p><p>"I've stood in his presence... But I've not seen... his face."</p><p>"Where is he, Marcel? Where is the Vampaneze Lord?"</p><p>"I'd rather die... than betray my Lord." Marcel hissed, spitting blood to make his point.</p><p>"You're already dying." Kurda groaned. "Marcel, I've spoken with Desmond Tiny. He sought me out. The prophecy is off the rails. I don't understand all of it - all I know is that I was supposed to die in Vampire Mountain, but I didn't. And it changed something."</p><p>"It changed nothing!" Marcel wheezed, face twisted in pain and fury. "The clans could've... been stronger together. But instead... we'll all die apart. And there's nothing... you can do about it."</p><p>"No! It's not too late." Kurda fired back. "I won't accept that. Not for either clan. Destiny spared me, and I have to make that mean something! Give me something, Marcel. Anything. Please!"</p><p>"I'll give you my nails... in your throat!" Marcel panted. And finally, he sprung at Kurda with his nails outstretched. But he was moving slowly, encumbered by injuries, and Kurda withdrew his blade and buried it in the vampaneze's chest in one swift motion, keeping his blue eyes locked on Marcel's crimson the vampaneze crumbled to his knees. As clean and honourable a death as a creature of the night could ask for.</p><p>Marcel didn't take his eyes off Kurda's til he finally slumped sideways and collapsed into the grass. He was smiling eerily as the last of the life faded from his eyes.</p><p>"I am sorry the noble vampaneze clan is being eroded by the whims of a tyrant." Kurda whispered. "Know this: if there's a way to save your brothers, I'll find it. Even in death may you be triumphant, Marcel."</p><p>Marcel nodded almost imperceptibly and closed his eyes. Kurda was about to get up and walk away when he saw Marcel's lips open one last time:</p><p>"The Lord... go east."</p><p>Then he shuddered once more, and died.</p><p>East.</p><p>He's in the east.</p><p>With great difficulty, Kurda picked up Marcel's body and only just managed to flit outside the city limits before he collapsed in exhaustion. He found a forest and laid Marcel to rest there on the floor before carefully building a tomb of rocks around him, lest wild animals feed on his corpse and go mad.</p><p>Kurda had more than mixed feelings about taking such care for a man who had a hand in putting Gracie in harm's way. He knew Mika wouldn't have done for this vampaneze what Kurda was doing right now. Mika had always been better at seeing the gray area than many of his vampiric peers, but not where his daughter was concerned. And for that, Kurda didn't blame him in the slightest.</p><p>As Kurda stacked the rocks, he reviewed his conversation with Marcel on an endless loop. Something felt wrong but he couldn't quite place it.</p><p>Everything Marcel said confirmed what Kurda had been suspicious of - the Lord of the Vampaneze wasn't above cheating to win. And the vampaneze, a clan of fiercely honourable sons and daughters of the night, had lost the individual autonomy their forebears had fought for when the two clans divided. And Kurda was livid. But that part made sense. So what else was there? What part of that conversation was setting off some red alert in the back of his mind?</p><p>Those were the questions he asked to the stars above again and again as he laboured. And as always, they didn't give a fuck.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Will you think that you're all alone</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>When no one's there to hold your hand?</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>When all you know seems so far away</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>And everything is temporary, rest your head</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>I'm permanent</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>MEANWHILE IN VAMPIRE MOUNTAIN:</strong>
</p><p>Seba's heart ached as he stood vigil by the sealed door to the Hall of Princes. Ached for Mika and for Gracie. As if they hadn't already been through enough with Kurda's betrayal. It sounded like Gracie was out there thriving and making a hell of a great life for herself despite the odds, and he'd been so happy for her. Seba had loved the girl like a granddaughter for almost her entire life. Hell, she'd called him Grampa for as long as she could talk. No doubt about it, both Grampa Seba and Papa Paris had adored their unlikely little addition to the clan since day one. (Okay, maybe like day four or five for Paris. Seba never would forget the nuclear scolding Paris had given Mika for bringing a human back to the mountain).</p><p>Gods, how he wished Paris was here. And not only because Hall of Princes was currently devoid of Princes - a fact that was stressing Seba the fuck out. He understood Mika's decisive shift in priorities. And he couldn't blame him. As fiercely as Mika loved the clan, it was still Gracie over everything. He couldn't help it.</p><p>The hours ticked by. Seba found himself pondering why it was necessary for one Prince to always remain in the Hall of Princes, if the hall could only be opened or closed by a Prince? What was the worst possible thing that could happen in that empty room? All the armies in the world could roll up to their doorstep with tanks and guns, and they still wouldn't be able to put a dent in that material, whether any Princes were there or not. The only force in the world who could crack that dome was Desmond Tiny himself. A lesson Mika had learned the hard way not so long ago.</p><p>Then he heard footsteps and a young guard came flying down the hall.</p><p>"General Azerion has returned with Sire Ver Leth's daughter. He is taking her to the infirmary." The guard panted.</p><p>Seba's back stiffened.</p><p>"And dare I ask where Sire Ver Leth is?" The Quartermaster inquired drily.</p><p>"I was told he is injured, but still capable of flitting short distances at a time." Said the guard. "He shouldn't be long."</p><p>"Gods..." Seba muttered, shaking his head. "Wake up every other guard and medic who is not already on duty. Mika will be approaching from the west. Wait for him - make sure he gets back to the mountain safely."</p><p>"Yes, Quartermaster Nile."</p><hr/><p>The flit back to Vampire Mountain was a blur. Mika didn't remember how many hours he spent, what route he took, or how many times he had to stop and take a break to keep himself from passing out. All he remembered was cold, exhaustion, and pain. But he tolerated it gladly - because Gracie was safe. Renley had confirmed it as soon as he'd arrived back at the mountain.</p><p>By the time Mika arrived at the entry cavern, it was a struggle to simply remain upright. A swarm of staff immediately descended upon him, offering blankets and vials of blood - all of which he waved away as he shoved through the crowd impatiently. They'd brought a stretcher for him, which he could only assume had been under Seba's orders. As if Mika had time lie down and enjoy a leisurely ride up through the mountain right now, when Gracie was up there waiting for him after the worst night of her life. Incomprehensible. He'd already lost too much time resting before and during the flit. So he dodged the small army of well-intentioned staff and charged recklessly onward.</p><p>There was still a grounded, logical part of his brain that was chiding the rest of him for breaking the rules so drastically where leaving the Hall of Princes was concerned. He knew he'd hear about it later from Vancha and Arrow - and they'd be well within their rights to give him proper hell about it. He made a lightning-fast detour up to the Hall of Princes for an obligatory check, then carried on to the infirmary once he'd ensured everything was as it should be.</p><p>It was quiet in the infirmary when Mika finally came crashing around the corner - stumbling, dizzy, frozen, but determined as ever. Gracie was laying on a cot on the far end, clearly asleep. And Renley was sitting in a chair next to her - loyal, sweet, fearless Renley who'd dropped everything to run headlong into catastrophe at Mika's side. Of course, Mika could've asked any vampire in the clan and they would've been legally bound to do exactly what Renley had done. But not every vampire would have done it with the same fierce devotion. You can force someone to fight for you, if you have that privilege. But you can't force them to WANT to fight for you. Mika wanted to fall head over heels with Renley like never before. And at the same time, he'd never been more certain he couldn't.</p><p>Renley looked on the verge of drifting off, but his eyes darted up sharply as he heard Mika approach. He didn't say anything. He just got to his feet and pulled Mika against his chest the second he was within arm's reach and held on silently for a good minute.</p><p>"Fuck, you're freezing." Renley noted in dismay at last. "Thank the gods you made it back-"</p><p>"How is she?" Mika cut him off immediately, observing Gracie from over Renley's shoulder. She was slumbering peacefully, and Mika was grateful for that small mercy. There were multiple cuts on her face from the car wreck, but they appeared to have been thoroughly cleaned and well on their way to healing.</p><p>"She's fine. We did it... she's safe. You can relax." Said Renley, employing a deliberately soothing tone as Mika withdrew from the embrace to focus his full attention on Gracie. Renley's hand found its way into Mika's though, fingers interlocking as though expecting him to disappear. "She's tough, like you. Jai gave her something to keep her asleep longer. Said she'll have a concussion from the impact, so that's the best thing for her right now. Other than that, just cuts and bruises." He paused, and squeezed Mika's shoulder. "She's lucky to have you."</p><p>It was a kind-hearted, well-intentioned comment. Renley was just trying to make Mika feel better in an awful situation. He didn't mean for it to have the exact opposite effect he intended.</p><p>She's lucky to have you.</p><p>No. It was all wrong. Gracie wasn't lucky. There's nothing lucky about being used as a pawn by an opportunistic enemy. Mika knew what he signed up for. He knew it before that first drop of vampiric blood hit his human veins. He knew it before he completed his Generalship trials. And he damn well knew it before he was invested as Prince. He'd consented to every battle he'd ever fought. To the countless times his life had been in danger. To his role in this war. To the crushing weight of responsibility he carried. For better or worse, he chose this life. Every single second of it.</p><p>She's lucky to have you.</p><p>Gracie didn't choose any of it. But she got dragged into it anyway. It wasn't luck. It was a nightmare come true. Of course Mika put everything on the line to save her - she was only in danger because of him! He would've done anything to protect her, including die. He'd almost done that, and it almost wasn't enough.</p><p>She wasn't lucky.</p><p>Mika didn't realize his ears were ringing until he heard Renley's voice, nearby but distant, cutting through the noise in his brain.</p><p>"Mika? Hello? You okay?" The General was saying, looking at Mika's face with concern.</p><p>"Yeah... I just... need to sit down..." Mika heard himself say, before his legs gave out and he crumbled in slow motion. But Renley moved quickly and grabbed him before he hit the floor, and half-lifted him onto the next cot over from Gracie's. Sitting half-upright but leaning heavily into Renley as his vision flicked in and out of focus. It belatedly occurred to him that he couldn't remember when he last ate or drank. It had been stupid to flit at all, he should've rested longer. Should've done a lot of things differently.</p><p>"There..." Renley murmured, running his hand up and down Mika's back in the way he knew he liked. Mika may be an enigma in many ways, but he's a simple creature in that he's a sucker for a nice back rub - most times. "You can rest now. You two can hang our together with your matching concussions. I'll go find Jai - he can give you something to sleep, it'll help with the pain."</p><p>Mika shook his head firmly; and the sudden motion made him dizzy.</p><p>"No sleep... need to be ready when she wakes up."</p><p>Renley sighed empathetically.</p><p>"Okay, baby." He said softly. He ran his fingers through Mika's hair and placed a soft kiss in his temple. "Whatever you need, I got you."</p><p>It could've been any number of things. The adrenaline crash, the concussion, the pain, the exhaustion, the fresh psychological trauma, the abrupt encounter with Kurda. (Who are we kidding? You know it's Kurda. I know it's Kurda. And Mika sure as shit knows it's Kurda). But the word 'baby' was where Mika's brain drew the line today.</p><p>Backstory: Mika had spent most of his life holding the opinion that pet names were stupid. Particularly 'babe', or 'baby'. Because come on, we're grown-ass centuries-old adults here. Then one night, early in their relationship, Kurda called him 'babe' on a whim without thinking about it. Just slipped out. And coming from Kurda's lips, that infantile, loathsome word was suddenly the most beautiful sound Mika had ever heard in his entire life. Years passed, shit happened, Mika kind-of-sort-of got over it. Then mere hours ago, Kurda sent him reeling right back to square one. And he wasn't even trying. That was the worst part. But even so, Kurda was not on the forefront of Mika's mind that night. He was fully consumed with much higher priorities than the godsforsaken soap opera that was his personal life.</p><p>Mika didn't pull away from Renley, but he didn't lean into him like he usually did. For the longest time neither said anything, just sat there with his eyes on Gracie's unconscious face. Renley broke the silence eventually.</p><p>"I thought I was going to lose you today." The General whispered. His hand was no longer running circles around Mika's back. It had gone still, palm resting between Mika's shoulder blades. As those words passed through his lips, he slowly leaned in and nestled his forehead into Mika's shoulder. A misguided attempt to hide the tears that were pooling in his mahogany eyes.</p><p>"Thanks for everything, Ren. You did great." Said Mika hollowly. It was a canned, generic response that he could've given any vampire after a decent performance - if he happened to be in a good mood. "Go get some rest. That's an order." Paused once more, and added: "I owe you everything."</p><p>To Mika's immense relief and admitted surprise, Renley didn't protest, and Mika was finally alone with Gracie. But she didn't look to be in a hurry to wake up, and that was perfectly fine. Because once she woke up, it would all become real. She'd have to start processing, start trying to understand this cruel prank of the gods that had suddenly became her life.</p><p>She's safe. She's safe. Nothing can hurt her here. It's over. She's safe, Mika told himself over and over again. A mantra to keep himself from spiralling into the dark place. He couldn't afford to let that happen. This wasn't his trauma, it was hers. He had no right to break down. Keeping a semi-clear head was literally the least he could do for her at this point.</p><p>He was determined not to fall asleep until he had a chance to talk to Gracie, so he waited patiently for her to wake up. He remained in the next cot over from hers. He still felt half-frozen from his trip through the icy wasteland, but he lay on top of the blankets rather than beneath them. If he got too comfortable, he'd be out like a light and liable to sleep through the next twelve hours at least.</p><p>Jai Yang, Vampire Mountain's chief medic, caught up with Mika not long after Renley left. Jai re-affirmed that Gracie would be perfectly fine and just needed some TLC and a good, long sleep. Mika then allowed Jai to treat a few of his external injuries as he continued waiting for Gracie to wake up. Jai mentioned (apprehensively) that Seba wanted Mika to report back to the Hall of Princes as soon as he could.</p><p>"Did Seba go and invest himself while I was out?" Mika asked seriously, arching one eyebrow impatiently.</p><p>"I don't believe he did, Sire." Jai responded with a wry grimace.</p><p>"Then I don't have to report to anybody. I'll get back to work as soon as I can. This is an extenuating circumstance and Seba damn well knows it."</p><p>Jai nodded in polite agreement, gave Mika a cold compress to hold against his throbbing head, and left him alone once more.</p><p> </p><hr/><p>
  <em>KS: You get back safe?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Yeah. Sorry. Should've said something. Lot on my mind.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: I get it. How is she?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Asleep.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: Good. Let her stay that way as long as you can.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: I intend to.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: How you doing?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Exactly as you'd expect.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: Fair.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: And you?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: Broken wrist. I'd say I got off easy.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: No shit. Kurda, that could've been so much worse...</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: You don't have to tell me. But I have to tell you something. That last vampaneze wasn't dead. I ran into him not five minutes after you left.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Fuck.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: No. It's a good thing. He was as good as dead, and seeking an honourable finish. But before I gave him one we had a conversation-</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: What did he tell you?!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: Easy. He didn't exactly draw me a map to the Lord. He was solid as a rock. I had to read between the lines. I gather the vanpaneze aren't exactly enthusiastic about their new management.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Old news. They've started using humans, they call them vampets and -</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: I know about the vampets. Vancha told me when I saw him. He suspected the vampaneze are skeptical about the changes, but I think it's worse than any of you realized.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: You know their clan better than I do. What do you think it means?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: They're just as scared as we are.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Wow. I'd love to give them my sympathy, but seeing as they threatened our daughter -</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: I know. I'm not telling you to pity them. But this is bigger than us. Please tell me you understand that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: I understand. So what now?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: We both get some sleep.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Bold of you to think I'm ever going to sleep again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: Try anyway.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: You too.</em>
</p><hr/><p>Mika wasn't tracking the hours, so he really had no idea how much time had passed when he eventually heard a soft groan from Gracie's direction. He'd been fighting to keep his eyes open, but suddenly he was wide awake. He relocated to sit beside her, just in time to see her Smahlt-blue eyes flutter open.</p><p>"Ugh... Dad?"</p><p>"Right here, Princess. I'm right here."</p><p>He clutched her hand gently but firmly. It was impossibly warm - or maybe he was just too cold.</p><p>"Are we in the mountain?"</p><p>"Yeah. Infirmary."</p><p>"How long was I out?"</p><p>"Few hours. The medics gave you something to help you sleep. You have a bit of a concussion. How do you feel?"</p><p>"Sore."</p><p>"I bet." Said Mika quietly. He gently stroked her forehead as she stared back at him with glazed eyes. "Do you remember everything?" He added. A tiny part of him hoped she didn't.</p><p>"Everything." She replied in a hoarse whisper. Mika winced internally.</p><p>"You're safe now." Said Mika. "Nothing can hurt you here."</p><p>She slowly shifted to sit half-upright in the cot so she could lean into Mika's shoulder, and he wrapped his arm around her carefully.</p><p>"I killed him, didn't I? That vampaneze?"</p><p>Mika exhaled slowly. For the first time in his entire life, he almost outright lied to her. Almost said, "No, he got out of the way and disappeared." After all, he was fairly certain the airbag had blocked her view of the impact.</p><p>But something told him she already knew the answer. And she'd know if he lied - so he didn't.</p><p>"You saved my life. You didn't have to do that, but you did. And I love you so much. Don't think about the vampaneze right now. All that matters is that you're safe."</p><p>They sat in silence for a few minutes.</p><p>"Why Dale?" She croaked at last. "He never did anything to anyone. He didn't know about the clans... I never told him anything. It doesn't make sense."</p><p>Mika closed his eyes for several moments, then took a deep breath. There was no sugar-coating this. She'd heard everything the vampaneze said anyway.</p><p>"They needed to threaten you without actually hurting you. So they hurt Dale instead. I know, it's not fair. They knew you'd get in touch with me, and they knew I'd leave the mountain to keep you safe."</p><p>"I thought they didn't kill people in their homes."</p><p>"They're not supposed to. It goes against their moral code. The Vampaneze Lord seems to be making up the rules as he goes. They needed Dale to be discovered quickly, so the news would get back to you... and in turn, me."</p><p>"I hate them." She croaked.</p><p>Mika winced at how abruptly her tone took on the same harsh desolation that had always been evident in Arrow's voice whenever he spoke of the loss of his wife or the vampanze clan in general during the earlier stages of his grief.</p><p>"I could spend the rest of my life telling you how sorry I am that you got caught up in this. I know there's nothing I can do to make this up to you." Mika told her. He spoke slowly, the words burning the back of his throat like acid. "But I'm going to try. I'll do anything."</p><p>"I won't even be able to go to his funeral... he died. I disappeared. They're going to think I was involved." She exhaled shakily and pressed her palms against her face before breaking down in Mika's arms again.</p><p>Mika thought that surely after everything that happened to him in the aftershock of Kurda's treachery, surely his heart couldn't possibly break any more than it already had. Surely it had reached that threshold years ago. But all Mika knew now was that if he had to choose between living through the night of Kurda's exile on repeat for eternity, or sitting here powerless as she endured this vicious twist of destiny... he would've gladly taken all that pain himself. He wouldn't have hesitated.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>I know he's living in hell every single day</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>And so I ask, oh God is there some way for me to take his place?</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>And when they say it's all touch and go</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>I wish I could make it go away but still you say</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Gracie eventually fell asleep again, but Mika didn't. He wandered over to the supply cupboard to see if he could find himself any of the sleep aid Jai had given her earlier, but he had no idea what was what, and was in no mood to go track Jai down. So he wandered defeatedly back to his deserted cot and lay in it. He knew the right thing to do would be report back to the Hall of Princes but he couldn't stomach the thought of leaving Gracie alone just yet. Every time he closed his eyes he lived the nightmare all over again. They may have been safe, but it was a near enough miss to shake him to the core. So all he could do was lay there and stare at the ceiling for hours upon hours while she dozed a few feet away.</p><p>A distraction eventually arrived in the form of Seba. Mika was surprised it took him this long. He thought the Quartermaster would have arrived ages ago, to drag him kicking and screaming back to the Hall of Princes to resume his obligatory duty. And honestly, Mika felt Seba would've been within his rights on that one.</p><p>Seba approached slowly, looking exhausted and strained. Mika felt a pang of guilt. Not for leaving; he'd make no apologies for the rules he broke to save his daughter's life. The guilt was for Seba. All the poor man had ever done was pour his entire heart and all his energy into his role of Quartermaster. That official job description definitely didn't include "babysit the fucking Princes when they're being reckless morons".</p><p>Yet there was Seba, once again determinedly filling Paris's shoes as the glue holding this damn place together.</p><p>"I'm sorry I yelled at you. But I'm not sorry for leaving. I know it was wrong. I didn't have a choice, Seba." Said Mika automatically as the red-cloaked man sat down beside him. He couldn't bring himself to look at Seba, though. He kept his eyes fixed on a blank point on the wall across from him.</p><p>"That is not why I came. It is over now. Are you alright?" Seba asked, very gently. Mika lowered his guard and slowly shifted his gaze to look Seba in the eye.</p><p>"All things considered, I guess." Said Mika.</p><p>"Good. How is she?"</p><p>"She'll be okay. Just scraped up and a concussed. And scared."</p><p>"What happened?"</p><p>"The vampaneze were waiting for us. Six of them."</p><p>"Thank the gods you made it back. Both of you." He croaked. "What was their intent? To kill you?"</p><p>Mika laughed hollowly.</p><p>"You don't want to know, Seba."</p><p>"Try me."</p><p>Mika exhaled slowly. Then he told Seba everything.</p><p>"By the black blood of Harnon Oan... this is a grim night. I do not have a tremendous opinion of the vampaneze clan, but this plot flies in the face of the honour they pride themselves in." Seba commented, shaking his head gravely. "Draining their human victims to death is one thing. I do not agree with the practice, but there is method and ritual to it. But using a human as a war pawn... to manipulate a Prince, no less. It is horrific, yes. But also very strange. I do not understand."</p><p>"I had the same thought. It's not exactly on-brand for them." Mika grunted. "They confirmed they were acting under their Lord's orders. If he keeps changing the rules, they won't even be the vampaneze clan anymore. Gods, what a fucking mess."</p><p>"How did you get out alive?"</p><p>Mika smiled grimly.</p><p>"I thought ahead. I knew I couldn't bring a whole army for backup. They already had the upper hand, a big crowd would only put Gracie's life at higher risk. I brought Ren, and then I reached out to Kurda. He met us there."</p><p>Seba's eyes widened for a moment, but then his face slackened and honestly, he didn't look all that surprised.</p><p>"He was the last thing they expected. I didn't even have time to tell him exactly what was going on. I just told him I needed help, and left it in his hands. And he saved us." Mika added with a tinge of defensiveness.</p><p>"Bold move, Sire." Said Seba at last. His face was unreadable. Mika vividly recalled the shock and loathing on Seba's face during Kurda's trial.</p><p>"Not really." Said Mika steadily. "She's his daughter too."</p><p>Seba nodded silently and glanced over at Gracie. He hadn't seen her in over six years now; she no longer spent her summers in the mountain after Mika left to spend time in the field. Last time Seba saw her, she'd been sixteen going on seventeen and despite the devastation of Kurda's betrayal, she'd still radiated the same pure, golden energy she had as a child. As though the sun itself had taken a human form in her.</p><p>Seba prayed someday that sparkle would return, because right now she looked like a shadow of the girl he once knew. Seba stayed with Mika for another hour or so, and they traded musings about the vampaneze and their disturbing plot until Seba eventually retired to bed. To Mika's astonishment, he didn't mention the Hall of Princes once.</p><p>Gracie slept for another eight hours, while Mika tried (and mostly failed) to get some sleep as well. He managed about two hours total. It'd have to be enough to get him through the day - he wasn't good at napping at the best of times. And this was the worst of times.</p><p>Watching Gracie wake up in confusion and slowly remember the events of the previous night was excruciating. Mika had never felt so helpless in all his life. All he could do was sit with her and provide a literal shoulder to cry on - while knowing it wasn't nearly enough. The entire first day was painful. Mika eventually felt like the walls were closing in on him, and when asked Gracie if she wanted to get out of the infirmary she agreed emphatically. With Dr. Yang's blessing, Mika and Gracie made their way to the upper level of the mountain in the direction of what had been her long-vacated childhood room.</p><p>Mika spent an hour in the room with her, helping to clear out seven years worth of dust bunnies and unpack some crates of belongings that had been stored in the mountain. But Mika knew he couldn't stay away from the Hall of Princes much longer. Gracie promised him she'd be fine on her own for a bit, and that she'd come visit him later. Mika gave her one last hug and reluctantly carried on his way.</p><p>As he walked down the long corridor up to the top of the mountain, Mika supposed his current frame of mind was as good as it was going to get for a while. Gracie was safe - he just kept repeating it in his head, over and over like a calming mantra. And it worked. With that said, Mika wasn't ready to pick up where he left off. But was acutely aware that he had no choice - he'd broken the oldest law in the book when he left the Hall of Princes empty. And he hadn't just left the Hall itself - that would be one thing. Not great, but permissible in an emergency. But he'd left the whole damn mountain. Yikes.</p><p>But as not-ready as he was to walk back into that room, he was even less ready to see that one of the thrones was already occupied.</p><p>Almost four months has passed since the week of Paris's death, in which Mika, Arrow, and Vancha had partaken in a historic knock-down-drag-out brawl in the Hall of Princes after a very heated argument fraught with personal jabs. Both Mika and Arrow had made peace with Vancha and vice versa - but Mika and Arrow hadn't spoken since the coolly civil words they'd exchanged out of obligation at Paris's funeral proceedings. And they hadn't conversed one-on-one since before the ceremony, when Arrow had clumsily tried to apologize - but it was a shitty apology and Mika had all but told him to go stick a boomerang up his ass. And the only reason he didn't say that was because he didn't think of it at the time.</p><p>And now, there he was in the Hall of Princes, larger than life, sitting there in his throne as though he'd never missed a day. He was having a conversation with a group of vampires at the front of the Hall, but his eyes darted upwards as soon as he heard the doors slide open. Arrow's face lit up with a mixture of relief and apprehension as he saw Mika standing there. Mika didn't exactly match Arrow's energy, he kept his face cold and impassive. And he didn't have to force it in the slightest.</p><p>Arrow quickly dismissed his meeting upon realizing Mika had arrived, and the group of vampires walked back down the aisle as Mika walked up it. Mika walked in the dead centre of the aisle, eyes fixed coldly on Arrow, letting the departing group go around him, like they were a stream and he was an immovable rock in the middle of it.</p><p>Mika stopped in front of the throne platform, staring expressionlessly up at his colleague and newly estranged friend. Neither of them spoke until the last vampire had left the hall, and Arrow touched his arm rest panel to seal the doors. Now it was just the two of them.</p><p>Arrow got up from his throne and walked almost gingerly towards Mika with his arms half-up, clearly with the intent of offering a hug. He looked weary and anxious, but there was a hopeful sort of glimmer about him. Mika wasted no time extinguishing it.</p><p>"Touch me and I'll break your arms." Said Mika flatly, piercing the silence. The light in Arrow's eyes died at those words. He stopped dead in his tracks and his arms hung defeatedly by his sides. Mika knew his comment was excessively cruel, but he was also running on two hours of sleep and very much feeling the physical effects of the previous day's battle. And we won't even get started on the PTSD. So no, Arrow's feelings didn't even make his list of priorities today.</p><p>"Seba told me what happened... that you could use some help." Said Arrow quietly, looking down at his feet. "Now you can take some time away from the Hall. I got here last night, a few hours after you from what I heard."</p><p>"Thank you for coming in on short notice." Mika replied, his words stiff and monotone. Robotic, almost. He had no choice but express some degree of appreciation here. As far as the heavy responsibilities of his job went, Mika knew he very much fumbled the ball. But Vampire Prince wasn't his only job. He'd made peace with that two decades ago. The clan had four Princes. And ever since the exile, Gracie only had one dad who was an active participant in her life.</p><p>"Why didn't you call me as soon as you knew she was in danger? I would've dropped everything and flitted to you. No matter what happens between us, Gracie's family to me too." Arrow murmured. Mika knew he meant it, but he didn't care.</p><p>"I handled it. I took Azerion. He was nearby, and he fights smarter than you anyway. Needed a cool head. And Kurda met up with us there." Mika explained bluntly, then added, "And you can keep your mouth shut about it. We made it out because of Kurda."</p><p>To Mika's surprise, Arrow barely blinked at the mention of Kurda. His face darkened for a moment, but that was it.</p><p>"I'm just glad you're safe. I know it doesn't mean anything to you, and I know it doesn't help..." Arrow's voice barely more than a whimper. A far cry from his usual booming tone. "...but I'm so sorry you went through that."</p><p>"Don't feel sorry for me. Feel sorry for Gracie."</p><p>"I'm sorry for both of you." Said Arrow. "So... what happened?" '</p><p>"You just said Seba told you what happened." Mika replied, devoid of all patience. Although he kept his tone cool and even.</p><p>"I know... I just thought you might want to talk about it." Arrow mumbled, eyes still on the floor.</p><p>"Sure don't."</p><p>A heavy silence hung between them for a moment.</p><p>"How's she doing?" Arrow ventured. He was looking at Mika, but didn't seem able to make eye contact yet.</p><p>"How the fuck do you think she is?" Mika snarled back. The logical, rational part of Mika knew Arrow was just doing his best. But that part wasn't steering right now. Mika's splintered heart and frayed nerves were in the driver's seat, and they were swerving all over the damn road.</p><p>"Fair enough." Said Arrow. "And how are you?"</p><p>Damn. Arrow was really pressing his luck now.</p><p>"Refer to previous answer."</p><p>"Mika... talk to me. I hate this." Arrow pleaded in an undertone. His eyes met Mika's at last, and the expression in them would've broken Mika's heart if there'd been anything left of it. Instead, he let out a harsh, cold laugh that made his throat hurt.</p><p>"You hate this? YOU hate this? Grudges like yours are the reason both clans have fallen this far! You have a lot of fucking nerve to even have an opinion! Much less voice it out loud!"</p><p>"Yes, I hate it!" Arrow bellowed, abruptly losing his cool. His face was red with frustration more than anger; Mika knew him well enough to recognize the grief under the surface, half-assed masquerading as rage. "I hate the war! I hate that we're all pawns in Desmond Tiny's sick game! I hate that Paris left us to deal with all of it! I hate that good vampires are dying because of it! I hate that I'm scared to death every second of every day! And I hate that I made you hate me!"</p><p>By the time Arrow was finished, his voice had reached such a volume Mika was surprised the walls hadn't started cracking.</p><p>On average, Mika was less apt to be enticed into a screaming match than Arrow - he'd always had more success keeping his temper in check than his tattooed colleague. But with that said, right now there was nothing he wanted more than to roar right back at him. To take all his pent-up rage, fear, hatred, and let loose on Arrow without mercy. To make Arrow feel some tiny part of the hurt inside.</p><p>He inhaled, preparing to do just that. He didn't know what he was going to say, but he never had much trouble finding words on short notice. Whatever was about to come out of his mouth would slice Arrow to the bone, that was certain.</p><p>But then Mika paused. Against his will, his brain took him back to the previous day, the gut-wrenching panic of watching vampaneze surround his daughter, the agony as he was slammed into pavement again and again, outnumbered and paralyzed, certain that he was about to be slaughtered, or worse - captured, tortured, used - and that the only three people he still cared about would bear witness to it. And then who would protect them?</p><p>But it didn't happen. His ultimate worst nightmare hadn't come true in its entirety. A near miss, but a miss just the same. He was alive. Gracie was safe. And she was in this mountain somewhere, trying to piece together what remained of the life that had just been ripped from her hands and turned upside down.</p><p>And where was Mika? Wasting his fucking time on this dead-end conversation when he could be helping her pick up the pieces. He exhaled slowly. Undoubtedly he'd have it out with Arrow again, but not today.</p><p>"There's no reason for both of us to be in here." Said Mika coldly. And he turned and walked away.</p><p>"Mika, this is bigger than anything you've dealt with. I want to be in it with you." Arrow called after him. He was no longer screaming, his voice was weak and ragged. Defeated. "You can hate me all you want, but you're still my best friend. And I'm not going to let you shut me out, or hurt yourself, or-"</p><p>Mika sighed irritably, and whipped back around to glare Arrow up and down, eyes cold and calculating.</p><p>"You really want to hold my hand and tell me everything will be okay? Why, so in seven years you can flip the script and tell me this was actually my fault all along? Just like how the war was my fault too? Only difference is, this time I KNOW it's my fault. So save your breath."</p><p>Mika didn't look back. He just walked. And he didn't have a problem with leaving Arrow confined to the Hall of Princes indefinitely, seeing as that had been Mika's life for the past four months now. It was well overdue for someone else to take a turn.</p><p>He immediately went to check on Gracie. Her room was around the corner from the long corridor where the Princes' suites were. It had sat empty since she grew up and stopped spending her summers in the mountain. But Mika had never let Seba re-convert it back to a storage room - just in case - and now he was glad of that.</p><p>"Hey, Princess." He greeted her quietly as he walked in. She flinched at his unexpected arrival, but quickly smiled when she saw who it was.</p><p>"Hey." Said Gracie. She was in the process of sorting through boxes of old clothes from over the years, she was red-eyed but focused. "I thought you had to stay in the Hall. Did you get fired?" She added wryly, arching an eyebrow.</p><p>"I wish." Mika snorted, rolling his eyes. She knew he didn't mean it, but the dry joke brightened her face for the slightest moment. "Seba called Arrow home so I could take some time off. I should've thought to do that myself, but Seba's always been a few steps ahead of the rest of us."</p><p>Gracie nodded slowly.</p><p>"Do you need anything?" Mika added.</p><p>"I don't think so. I'm just trying to keep busy."</p><p>"Good... That'll help."</p><p>"Maybe."</p><p>"I can stay nearby if you want me to... or I can give you space. Just tell me what you need and I'll do it. Because I feel just as lost as you do." Mika added, knowing raw honesty was one small way he could help her right now. He heard his voice catch in his throat. He hoped she didn't notice, but figured she probably did.</p><p>She stared deadpan at the worn-out t-shirt she'd been holding as though the pilled grey fabric might hold some answers. But when she looked up at Mika, she looked just as lost as he felt.</p><p>"I want you to stay here for a while." She told him as last, with the tiniest nod. He exhaled in relief.</p><p>He then spent a few hours helping her rearrange everything. Neither of them were ready to relive the previous day's trauma, so they appreciated each other's company mostly silently, making deliberately light conversation here and there. Mostly Mika told her about the little things in the mountain that had changed since she was last here. Things like renovations, upgraded furniture, future construction plans. Things that were comforting in their mundanity.</p><p>"How long do I have to stay in the mountain?" Gracie asked out of nowhere as she rummaged through a box of old childhood knicknacks.</p><p>"Till the war is over." Said Mika reluctantly. It was one of the things he'd thought about while lying awake in the infirmary. He didn't like it, but it was the only option. "We can't risk that happening again. Is that... okay with you?"</p><p>"Sounds like I don't really have a choice."</p><p>"Not really. I'm sorry."</p><p>"I'm alive. I shouldn't complain."</p><p>"Gracie, if anyone has the right to complain, it's you. You didn't deserve to be dragged into this. I chose this life. You didn't."</p><p>"Kind of feels like this life chose me anyway, Dad. I know you wanted me to find my place in the human world, and I tried. But I don't think life cares anymore." She exhaled a bitter, humourless laugh that Mika recognized all too well. Because it was his own reflexive defence mechanism when the only other alternative resembled an absolute meltdown.</p><p>"Just take it one day at a time." Said Mika in an undertone. I'll be with you for all of it."</p><p>"Do you believe in... you know... Destiny, or gods, or whatever?" She asked.</p><p>"I don't know, Gracie. I'm starting to get the feeling that it's all just random chance." Said Mika truthfully. "But I'll find out when I'm dead, I guess. I hope the gods are real, because I have some feedback for them." He added, unintentionally laughing in the same quietly bitter way she just had.</p><p>"What was it like seeing Kurda again after all those years?" Gracie inquired after a pause, shooting Mika a sideways, curious look. He could tell she'd been sitting on this question for a few hours.</p><p>"Well, I saw him for the first time since the exile when I delivered your letter last year. And it was... intense." Mika recounted. That was an understatement, but it was the only statement she was getting. "But this time we were just focused on keeping you safe. Didn't have time to dwell on the past." He added.</p><p>"Ah."</p><p>"How did you feel seeing him for the first time?" Mika ventured with some caution.</p><p>"Like you said, there was a lot going on. Mostly I just thought I was going to see you both killed right in front of me."</p><p>Mika cringed.</p><p>"I told you to drive away if it started going south... I know it wasn't a perfect plan, but it was the best I could-"</p><p>"Would you have driven away?" She interrupted.</p><p>"I don't have a driver's license." Mika responded. He knew that answer was evasive as all fuck, and he knew she wouldn't buy it. But he could buy himself some time.</p><p>She rolled her eyes at that. Her face was still pale and solemn, but for a moment there was a glimmer of her old self somewhere beneath the surface.</p><p>"Pretend you did." She told him drily.</p><p>"I don't have a car."</p><p>"Stop dodging the question. You're not even funny."</p><p>"Sorry. You're right." Mika sighed and ran his hand wearily though his hair, suddenly unable to look her in the eye. "It's not a fair comparison. I was doing my job. And my job is to protect you, not the other way around. You're an innocent civilian."</p><p>"It's a yes or no question, Dad." She pressed. "Would you have left to save yourself?"</p><p>Mika groaned in defeat.</p><p>"No, but -"</p><p>"There it is."</p><p>"You and I aren't the same, Gracie. No matter what anyone says, you aren't me. And I don't ever want you to have the responsibilities that I do." Mika countered softly. He glanced at her sideways, trying to gauge what was going on behind her stormy eyes. She saw him looking, and arched an eyebrow at him.</p><p>"I know we're not the same, but I think we both know I'm no average civilian either. I never was." She replied. Her voice was steady, and she held Mika's gaze.</p><p>"Did you want to be?" Mika asked after a pause.</p><p>Gracie was silent for several moments, occupied with unfolding and inspecting an old sweater she'd found in a storage crate.</p><p>"Sometimes I thought I did." She answered after a moment. "Sometimes I wanted to blend in with the humans and have a completely normal life, you know... cut myself off from all the clan stuff - except you, obviously." She added quickly, face softening apologetically for a moment.</p><p>"It's okay. I know what you mean." Said Mika. "I wanted that for you too."</p><p>"Good." She smiled faintly for a second, then is disappeared again. "But other times I'd be like, in a meeting with a disrespectful client at work, or waiting in the Starbucks line, or stuck in traffic or whatever. And all I could think about would be how there has to be more than this."</p><p>Mika's face fell.</p><p>"I thought you were happy."</p><p>"I was happy." Said Gracie matter-of-factly. "I loved my job most days, I was really good at it. But I couldn't shake the feeling that surely you didn't save me as a baby just so I could work for a corporation, pay bills and die in less than a century... like a human."</p><p>That statement jarred Mika, and he couldn't keep it from showing on his face. That didn't sound like her.</p><p>"...You talk about humans as if you aren't one." Mika ventured cautiously. She sighed, and gave a disconsolate sort of shrug before returning her eyes to the box of clothes in front of her.</p><p>"Of course I'm human. A human raised by vampires -" She replied. Her tone was strange, almost moody. "- who felt like a vampire living among humans. Makes perfect sense, right?"</p><p>"All I ever wanted was for you to have the best of both worlds." Mika told her. "I thought I could give you that. That's on me. I failed you."</p><p>She looked up at him, sympathy glimmering in her desolate eyes.</p><p>"Don't say that. You saved me, Dad. You said it yourself, this attack was out of character for the vampaneze. You couldn't have seen it coming."</p><p>"I don't care." Said Mika. "It happened because of me."</p><p>"'Because of you' isn't the same as 'your fault'." She said.</p><p>She seemed to say it so effortlessly. Like she had no idea how those words would pierce Mika's soul. It was as if Kurda Smahlt himself had materialized in the room. Everything from the tone to the unassuming determination in her eyes.</p><p>Mika didn't utter a reply to that, because he knew for a fact if he opened his mouth he'd break the fuck down right then and there. So instead he pulled her into a long hug. When they parted, they silently went back to tidying up the room until it was as clean and organized as if she'd never left.</p><p>They made their way down to the Hall of Khledon Lurt to for a bite to eat eventually; Mika strategically timed it when he knew it would be mostly empty. Most of the mountain knew what had happened by that point. The small handful of vampires in the hall began to make their way over to hear a firsthand account of the showdown with the vampaneze - but a quick glare from Mika sent them on their way again. Once they were fed, Mika and Gracie toured back to the infirmary for Jai to check them over - matching concussions and all. Thankfully, the airbag in Gracie's car had kept her from sustaining any serious injuries aside from bruised ribs and sore head. Jai was more concerned about Mika. Which, of course, was a massive inconvenience.</p><p>"Have you been experiencing any light sensitivity, drowsiness, headaches, or nausea?" Jai asked as he peered critically into Mika's left eyeball, assessing his pupils.</p><p>"No." Said Mika flatly, eager to be done with this.</p><p>"You know, a doctor is only as good as his patient is honest." Said Jai, shooting Mika a rather pointed look.</p><p>"Why ask the question if already know the answer?" Mika growled. "Seems counter-intuitive."</p><p>He hadn't meant to be funny - but he heard Gracie let out a halfhearted snort of amusement and he felt a tiny piece of his soul start to heal.</p><p>Truthfully, all Mika wanted was to order Jai to drug him up with enough sedatives to kill a grizzly. And if Gracie wasn't here, that was exactly what he would've done. But she was here, so Mika needed to stay alert.</p><p>They left the infirmary and met up with Seba who dug out some fresh blankets and pillows for Gracie from one of the storage rooms.</p><p>"I am sorry I did not warn you about Arrow." Said Seba ruefully.</p><p>"You did the right thing. Thank you. And again, I'm sorry." Said Mika. He gave Seba a curt nod but kept his tone guarded.</p><p>Seba and Gracie were happy to see each other, so they spent close to an hour catching up. They sat side-by-side on a storage crate filling each other in on their lives while Mika listened contentedly.</p><p>By the time they got back up to Gracie's room, the day (or night, depending how you look at it) was over. They'd made it through day one. Gracie seemed more willing to talk about Dale now, as if the conversation with Seba had cleared those pathways in her heart.</p><p>Sitting on the floor in front of the fireplace, she showed Mika every single photo of him from the camera roll on her iPhone. Their selfies; full of glowing smiles and kisses on cheeks. The unflattering ones of Dale zoned in on some sci-fi movie or playing a video game Gracie didn't care about. The one of him grinning in his brand new dream car she'd helped convinced him to get. The two of them dressed to the nines at a company Christmas party. Then, side by side in a speed boat on a lake - Dale looking petrified (water wings and all) and Gracie looking elated. Photo after photo, date nights, the lazy Sunday afternoons, the Taco Tuesdays, it was all there in vivid colour.</p><p>Then the phone battery went dead. The screen faded to black, and there was no bringing it back. Not here in Vampire Mountain.</p><p>She broke down in Mika's arms again, and the only reason he didn't do the same was sheer exhaustion. When she eventually cried herself to sleep, Mika slowly transferred her into her coffin, moving at a snail's pace so as not to wake her back up. Then he carefully placed a blanket over her, and then a second one just to be safe, and retreated.</p><p>He made his way down to the Hall of Perta Vin-Grahl to soak off all the blood from yesterday, both his own and the vampaneze. The frigid waters had never felt so luxurious; the cold had a soothing effect on his bruised body and sore joints. He sat in the crystal-clear pool for almost half an hour before heading back up to finally get some sleep.</p><p>It wasn't til he walked through the door of his room that he remembered he hadn't actually set foot in here since before Paris died. Four months ago. Tired as he was, he wasn't ready to get into his coffin. He changed out of his bloodstained clothes into clean ones, poured a strong drink, and sat at his desk. Trying to clear his head, trying to keep himself from spiralling off into the dark place.</p><p>He was on his second drink when Renley made his way in. He didn't say anything for the longest time, just stood over Mika's chair, leaned in and gently hugged him from behind.</p><p>"How was today?" Renley asked eventually, so quiet he was barely audible.</p><p>"Long." Said Mika just as softly.</p><p>"How's she doing?"</p><p>"Her best."</p><p>"How are you doing?"</p><p>"My worst."</p><p>"Tell me how I can help you."</p><p>"You can't."</p><p>"Mika..." There was a desperate, almost plaintive pitch to Renley's voice. Barely a day ago, the sound of his own name rolling off that skilled tongue was intoxicating to Mika. Now, the same name in the same voice just sounded like a mosquito in Mika's ear.</p><p>"What?" Mika groaned, drawing the syllable out. He hated how ungrateful, how petulant he sounded but he couldn't help it. He leaned forward, pulling free from Renley's embrace, and buried his face in his hands. Elbows propped on the desk, massaging his temples with his fingers as though he could break the memories apart if he pressed hard enough.</p><p>"Let me in. Please. I know you're not in a good place... I don't want you to be alone for this." Renley pressed.</p><p>Mika experienced a very unwelcome sense of déjà-vu. This was way too similar to their conversation the day Paris died. And the one with Arrow just mere hours ago. He knew they meant well, and he knew he was being difficult. No, scratch that. He was being fucking obnoxious. And too overwhelmed to get out of his own way.</p><p>"Can we not get through one week where you don't corner me somewhere and force me to talk about my feelings?" Mika groaned. He couldn't imagine anything less appealing than a therapy session right now.</p><p>"I wouldn't have to corner you if you didn't completely withdraw every time there's a crisis." Renley fired back instantly. His voice was quiet but brittle with concern and determination.</p><p>Mika's back stiffened at those words and he swivelled sharply in his chair to glare scathingly at Renley, who took a few steps backwards in alarm.</p><p>"Listen, Ren. This isn't like when Paris died." Mika snapped. "This isn't another personal crisis you can insert yourself into, and save the day or whatever. This is my daughter's life. You don't understand. I don't get to break down here. It's not about me."</p><p>"I know I don't understand." Renley croaked, his voice suddenly shaky. A strange contrast from his usual polished cadence. "I never claimed to. I just don't know how else to make you believe I care about you!"</p><p>Mika exhaled slowly. The room was spinning again and he knew he wasn't doing his sore head any favours by letting himself get agitated.</p><p>"I do believe you. You prove it every day. And I know you're trying, and I'm trying to appreciate that you're trying, but I literally can't handle you right now. So please, Ren... just leave me alone. Please."</p><p>Renley glared at Mika for a second or two, then he seemed to deflate from within.</p><p>"I'll leave you to it, then." He said, a slight crack to his voice. "If you need me, you know where to find me."</p><p>Mika didn't look up to watch him leave. He finished his drink and then relocated to his coffin. He lay there in limbo for an eternity. Everything hurt. He wanted to cry, scream, punch something, or any combination of those. But he couldn't do any of it. He was frozen. Trapped inside his own head with the memory playing on an endless loop for hours upon hours, until exhaustion finally won over, and the world went black.</p><p> </p><p>
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    <strong>Will you think that you're all alone</strong>
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    <strong>When no one's there to hold your hand?</strong>
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  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>When all you know seems so far away</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>And everything is temporary, rest your head</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>I'm permanent</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kurda flitted east until the sun rose too high to continue. Then he broke into an abandoned house to wait out the daylight.</p><p>He lay on the dusty couch and stared at the ceiling, knowing he needed to sleep and knowing it wasn't going to happen tonight.</p><p>The words ricocheted off the inner walls of his skull until it caused him physical pain, but he couldn't stop them. Nothing could stop them.</p><p>
  <em>It's not too late. I won't accept that. Not for either clan. Destiny spared me, and I have to make that mean something! He screamed at himself.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Destiny spared me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But did it? Even Desmond Tiny himself didn't see that coming.</em>
</p><p>Like clockwork, his memory jerked him back to the terrifying day Tiny himself appeared in Kurda's home, his words branded forever into Kurda's subconscious:</p><p>
  <em>"Alright, let's dive in! Kurda Smalht, I really can't emphasize enough how much frustration you've caused me." Said Desmond nastily, licking his lips. "Of all the possible future outcomes I could have predicted, you betraying Vampire Mountain but walking away with your life was not on my list."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Not on my list... what list? Destiny can't truly be set in stone, can it? He makes it sound like a numbers game. It's as if he doesn't choose destiny - he picks his odds and placed his bets.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Destiny spared me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"This is just a social visit, Mr. Smahlt! I had to congratulate you in person for throwing a wrench into my plans! You know it's rather difficult to surprise me. I really was sure I'd thought of everything. All my planning... down the drain! And it's all your fault!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Destiny spared me.</em>
</p><p>What had Vancha told Kurda about Tiny's visit to the mountain?</p><p>
  <em>"I've only had Larten describe it to me about a hundred times now, I feel like I was there... Tiny implied to the other Princes that they blew the clan's first opportunity for peace when they had you arrested and exiled. Darren asked him if it was too late for you to have a hand in the outcome of the war... Tiny laughed and said since you were legally considered dead to the clan, it was irrelevant."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Destiny spared me...</em>
</p><p>No.</p><p>
  <em>It's all wrong. Destiny was never going to spare me. I was supposed to die, or Mika was supposed to die. Or both of us.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But Mika would have been spared if my plan succeeded - nobody knew that but me. And when I failed, I was the one who was spared.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I intended to spare Mika... Then the tables turned. My life was in his hands...</em>
</p><p>Kurda drew breath so sharply his lungs burned as he sat bolt upright.</p><p>
  <em>Destiny didn't spare me.</em>
</p><p>His heart hammered so hard against his ribs he feared his chest might crack open.</p><p>
  <em>Mika spared me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And destiny didn't see it coming.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The prophecies are irrelevant because they didn't account for this.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Well, my poor disgraced friend... it's time for me to get going. I've got a war to watch. All bets are off now! Could be anybody's race. And I'll have the best seats in the house. Lucky me!" The words spoken by Desmond Fucking Tiny himself.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>All bets are off now. Because I'm still here.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I'm not going anywhere.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>I'm permanent</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Is this the moment where I look you in the eye?</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Forgive my promise that you'll never see me cry</strong>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This chapter was all kinds of chaotic but you should know by now... that's the deal, friends. We love angst. We love intense emotions. We love playing fast and loose with canon. We probably love that more than anything else, tbh.</p><p>Chapter 21 is like, half done? I'm sorry I didn't touch on Kurda's letter to Mika in this chapter. Suddenly I was at 12k words and THAT needs to be its own thing. So this is where we say goodnight.</p><p>Also, nobody asked, but the letter itself IS written. I ghostwrote it for Kurda about a week ago. A few people had pretty solid guesses as to what it might be about. You'll see soon enough.</p><p>As always, thank you from the bottom of my very SOUL.</p><p>- Roxy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Letters Addressed To The Fire</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>And I was catching my breath, Staring out an open window, Catching my death<br/>And I couldn't be sure, I had a feeling so peculiar, That this pain would be for<br/>Evermore</p><p>***</p><p>After months of feuding, Mika and Arrow are finally willing to share the same oxygen. Then, an unexpected conversation with Gracie puts Mika on edge, as if he didn't have enough to think about. The unopened letter Kurda wrote him seven years ago, for example.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter took forever and I am exhausted. It was extremely difficult to write but I'm finally satisfied, I think. I've been chipping away at this one for a very long time and there's going to be a lot to unpack here. Multiple turning points for multiple people. This is my favourite type of chapter: light on action but heavy on emotional dialogue and psychological analysis. (Sorry, Mika).</p><p>And yes... y'all finally get to read Kurda's letter.</p><p>Chapter 20: Letters Addressed To The Fire</p><p>Song: Evermore by Taylor Swift. Because the second I saw a Bon Iver feature on Evermore, even before it was released I knew it would be in this story come hell or high water, after the way Taylor blessed me with Exile and all but wrote the last 2 chapters of Endgame for me. There's some damn nice symmetry here if I do say so myself.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <strong>Gray November</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>I've been down since July</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Motion capture</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Put me in a bad light</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>I replay my footsteps on each stepping stone</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Trying to find the one where I went wrong</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Writing letters</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Addressed to the fire</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>The first week passed in a haze of tears and confusion. Hours blurred into days. Mika spent the majority of his time with Gracie at first, but as the days went on he started to phase back into presiding in the Hall of Princes as well. In as few words as possible, he arranged with Arrow to start splitting days so they could take turns sleeping and not have to spend time together.</p><p>Kurda's parting instructions weighed heavily on Mika's mind. He knew he needed to get it over with, go open that chest, dig that letter out, and find out what the hell Kurda wanted him to know so badly before his would-be assassination. But every time he tried to work up the nerve to go down that road, no matter how ready he thought he was, his mind brought him back to the night of the exile, every single time. The panic and shock that bordered on depravity. The sting of the glass accidentally-on-purpose tearing his skin open.</p><p>He just didn't really want to go there again.</p><p>On quieter days with less meetings, Gracie joined Mika on duty, sitting beside him in Vancha's vacant throne like she used to when she was younger. But if Mika had learned anything since last council, it was that wallowing in pain wasn't good for anyone. He still vividly remembered how much better he felt when he kept himself busy while trying to process Paris's death. So on the third day he gently suggested to Gracie that, if she was feeling up to it, she could accompany Seba as he went about his wide variety of daily tasks. Maybe help out with some of the lighter chores. She agreed to give it a try, to Mika's relief.</p><p>That freed up a bit of Mika's mental bandwidth to refocus on clan business - and honestly, not a moment too soon. He hadn't been giving Arrow much thought since Gracie returned to the mountain. Mika did what he could in terms of upper management, and let Arrow pick up the slack. But that didn't mean Mika could check out. He worked tirelessly to strike an impossible balance: being everything everyone needed him to be. All the while feeling like he was failing every single one of them, and none more so than Gracie.</p><p>Then one night, Mika woke up with a headache so all-consuming he couldn't even see straight. Because that's what happens when you get a severe concussion (or a few) and continue going about your business while ignoring medical advice. Now, Mika being Mika, dealt with the setback the only way he knew how: getting up and carrying on as normal despite being fully convinced he was about to die. That lasted all of four seconds, and he went down hard on the floor. Upon coming to, he had just enough presence of mind to crawl back into his coffin, and mind-link with Seba with instructions for the night:</p><p>
  <em>A) inform Arrow he's running the hall on his own for a few more hours at least.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>B) keep an eye on Gracie, make sure she's okay, tell her I'll be fine.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>C) if I don't appear in a few hours, assume I'm not fine and have probably died.</em>
</p><p>So that was Mika's Wednesday. Absolute write-off. As he lay there he blamed the gods, the universe, Desmond Tiny, the weather, the position of the stars, and every other force of nature he could think of... all while knowing that this time, this particular inconvenience was all on him.</p><p><em>Take it easy. Relax. Sleep as much as possible. Avoid stress,</em> was what Dr. Yang said.</p><p><em>Ooga booga booga,</em> was what Mika heard.</p><p>He was paying for it now.</p><p>He didn't know how long he slept, but when he woke up he was at least able to see straight, so he headed up to the Hall of Princes in hopes of making himself somewhat useful. The headache itself was whatever; Mika had dealt with worse. Excruciating pain is just another day at the office for your standard vampire. If the clan introduced hazard pay, the amount of physical trauma Mika endured over the years could easily finance enough therapy to start unpacking his emotional baggage.</p><p>What he was really concerned about was the fact that when he finally walked into the Hall of Princes, the first thing he saw was Gracie sitting up at the front of the room, in Paris's throne - talking to Arrow who was seated comfortably to her right.</p><p>Arrow had known Gracie as long as Mika had, and he damn near loved her just as much. Arrow had a strong paternal instinct - as a young man, he almost didn't join the clan upon learning about vampiric sterility. Adopting orphans with Sarah was the true silver lining of his life. (Who do you think taught Mika to change a diaper?) On the flip side of that coin, Mika had been Team No Kids for as long as he could remember. Until roughly a quarter-century ago when he revised his stance to Okay, Maybe Just <em>This</em> Kid.</p><p>Mika wouldn't have had a single qualm about Arrow hanging out with Gracie one-on-one, even with their recent falling-out. Arrow was the only other person on earth Mika trusted with her to the same extent as Kurda. Because Arrow was Arrow, and he was family. And as much as Mika resented him currently, Mika knew that would never change. He wanted to give Arrow the benefit of the doubt that he was simply providing Gracie comfort and solidarity, insight from a perspective that Mika couldn't offer because he hadn't endured the same loss himself.</p><p>But Mika also knew firsthand how Arrow's hatred changed him. It took Arrow decades to re-direct and eventually control the toxic loathing that corroded his soul after he lost Sarah. But the damage had already been done by the time he fought his way back. Arrow's legacy would forever be defined by his hatred for their purple-skinned cousins. Arrow would never intentionally steer Gracie down that same path of destruction, but the man didn't exactly have a history of choosing his words wisely. And Mika would be damned if he let Arrow inadvertently poison her mind. Not that Mika had any fuzzy feelings towards the vampaneze, but Arrow's toxic grudge and coping mechanisms were so bad it was legendary. And it was only at the height of the war that Mika understood just how dangerous that mindset was.</p><p>Arrow smiled cautiously when he saw Mika, and Mika replied with a polite nod. A silent pact there would be no arguing as long as Gracie was present.</p><p>"Did you get promoted already?" Mika asked Gracie offhandedly as he approached, a weary smile illuminating his face despite the hundred thousand things he was currently worried about. Because no matter what else happened - as he kept reminding himself - she was here, and she was safe.</p><p>"Yeah. They gave me your job, actually." She replied instantly - never one to skip a beat. "They said two Ver Leths up here is too many, and you didn't show up today... so here I am. You're fired."</p><p>"We're not firing him... just retiring him." Arrow contributed with a soft chuckle and a careful glance at Mika.</p><p>Right." Said Gracie, making a face. "Happy retirement."</p><p>Her voice was still deadpan, a ghost of her usual animated chatter. But it had only been four days, and there was already a faint sparkle returning to her eyes. And that was such an overwhelming relief, Mika couldn't help but grin back at her.</p><p>"You know I could still drop you off at the orphanage, right?" He told her.</p><p>"Not if I put you in a senior's home first." She fired back, crossing her arms and leaning back contentedly into the throne - as Mika did every single day of his life.</p><p>Mika laughed, for the first time in a long time. He slowly climbed the steps and sunk down comfortably next to her, in his own throne. For a moment, just one golden moment, the rest of the world faded away. No war, no fear. It was just him sitting there, in his favourite place in the world, in the company of two of the people he loved most. For just that moment, everything was okay. He was okay.</p><p>Gracie tilted her head and glanced over at him, the sparkle faded and the concern on her face was evident.</p><p>"Seba said you were unwell. It's not like you to take a sick day. What's wrong?" She asked pointedly.</p><p>"I'm fine." (He knows he says that a lot, but he really means it this time). "I promise. Just my concussions catching up with me."</p><p>"Wow. Almost like that doctor knew what he was talking about." She replied, arching an eyebrow dubiously.</p><p>"Or he took a lucky guess." Said Mika. "I'm sorry I missed most of the day. Did anything important happen while I was out of it?"</p><p>"Just a few meetings." Said Arrow, sounding weary. And fair enough, he'd been guarding the hall solo for upwards of fifteen hours at this point. "No discussions or news you haven't already had half a dozen times."</p><p>"Figures." Mika replied shortly. "Thanks for staying late. I'm functional now - you should go get some sleep."</p><p>Arrow stood up from his throne, and stretched - emitting a loud groan as he did so.</p><p>"You don't have to tell me twice." He told Mika. "See you both tomorrow."</p><p>Mika nodded to him, and Gracie shot Arrow a smile.</p><p>"Night, Uncle A. Thanks."</p><p>Arrow glanced back at them as he descended the platform steps. Strangely his eyes landed on Mika first before going to Gracie. Arrow's face softened, and he smiled back at her.</p><p>"Always." He said simply, before carrying on his way.</p><p>"Seriously, what did I miss?" Mika asked Gracie once Arrow was out of the room. She shrugged.</p><p>"We just chatted for a bit. He wanted to know how I was doing. He told me about his wife, and what he went through when she... when he lost her."</p><p>Mika winced inside - that was what he'd been afraid of - but he kept his face neutral.</p><p>"He knows what you're going through better than anyone else... better than me." Said Mika. "He was in a dark place for a long time after Sarah was killed. And not that it compares to what he went through... but it was really hard for me to watch."</p><p>"And now here you are, watching from sidelines again." Gracie replied tonelessly.</p><p>"It's so much worse this time." Said Mika, knowing he had maybe thirty seconds before his voice started cracking. "Arrow was my best friend, but he wasn't my responsibility. You are."</p><p>"He told me not to get lost in hatred..." said Gracie slowly. "Not to let the dark win. He said I can hate the vampaneze who killed Dale-"</p><p>Mika cringed, but she wasn't done.</p><p>"-but not to hate their entire clan because of the actions of few... it's not worth the energy. It's just more pain." She paused. "He doesn't want me to end up like him."</p><p>Mika exhaled. Arrow may not have always chosen his words carefully, but today he did. Today, he fucking nailed it.</p><p>Mika's body un-tensed, and he leaned his head against the back of his throne and closed his eyes for a moment. He hadn't realized how heavily his anger towards Arrow had been weighing on him ever since the funeral. But suddenly the burden seemed lighter - and gods, what a difference it made.</p><p>Gracie was done working for Seba for the rest of the night, and Mika only had a couple short meetings to conduct. So she remained there at his side, quietly observing him do his job, the very thing he lived and breathed for. Closed her eyes and listened to the comforting, familiar sound of his voice. For a few minutes she was a little kid again, killing time in here on a quiet night, snuggled up on one of the empty thrones with a doll, a blanket, and a snack. Just happy to be hanging out with her dad - her hero, her best friend. Even back then, all she wanted was to be everything Mika was. Kurda, too. Not necessarily career-wise. But she knew she wanted to be as strong, confident and driven as Mika. As clever, independent, and open-hearted as Kurda.</p><p>And she did the damn thing. She took the best of both of them and was just getting warmed up making a name for herself - in her own world. That world was gone now. She wasn't the same happy little girl that existed in those memories. It was all still so fresh, she felt like she might never be happy again.</p><p>But now, at least she felt like she was home.</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong><br/>And I was catching my breath</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Staring out an open window</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Catching my death</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>And I couldn't be sure</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>I had a feeling so peculiar</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>That this pain would be for</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Evermore</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Here's the thing about Arrow: the man is a wonderful Prince, beloved by his fellow vampires. Arrow is honourable, courageous, and inspiringly committed to the wellbeing of the clan. Not to mention his skills as a warrior set him apart from the rest. In a nutshell, these are the reasons Arrow has a throne in the Hall of Princes. Honestly, those are the core requirements for the job. There's nothing in the laws that states a Vampire Prince needs to be able to make a schedule, adhere to the schedule, conduct a meeting efficiently, or have even the slightest inclination towards organization.</p><p>Mika just happens to check all the same boxes that Arrow does, while also being blessed with solid administrative skills AND a talent for managing people. Arrow on the other hand, is just lucky that the entire clan is legally required to respect him, whatever he does or says. Even if what he says is "Oh gods, does anyone know how this fucking thing works?"</p><p>When Mika walked into the Hall of Princes the next day, Arrow was conducting a meeting with a handful of vampires that were preparing to head back out to the field after spending a few months recovering in the mountain.</p><p>At least, Arrow was attempting to conduct a meeting. He was trying to assemble a collapsible wooden easel so everyone could see the territory map clearly - but it was evident he had no idea how to set it up. Which was fair, one of the mountain carpenters had built the thing during Arrow's time away and it was pretty temperamental if we're being honest.</p><p>But still, Mika leaned on a pew and watched with amusement as Arrow struggled with it for a few minutes. Every time he set it up and started talking, it collapsed loudly behind him, his face reddened in annoyance, he swore loudly and fumbled with it some more, lost his train of thought in the process, aaand repeat. No one realized Mika was there, until eventually he spoke up from behind the crowd.</p><p>"Clip's on the right side, Sire Arrow." He remarked. Arrow's eyes darted to Mika immediately, the strangest look of relief, surprise, and a hint of annoyance illuminating his face. He located the clip, and succeeded in keeping the board upright. He resumed where he'd left off, and Mika slipped in seamlessly.</p><p>The meeting lasted almost three hours, and it was, dare we say, quite productive. For three hours, Mika and Arrow were a two halves of the same soul again. They cooperated and bounced ideas off each other like old times - they didn't have the option to get snarky with a room full of eyes on them. And after hearing the advice Arrow had given Gracie, Mika didn't really have any snark in him.</p><p>"Gracie told me what you said to her... about not letting the hate win. Thank you for that." Said Mika quietly as Arrow put the easel away once the meeting had adjourned. It had to be said.</p><p>They were both standing in the small meeting room behind the thrones. Arrow put the easel down maybe harder than necessary, and sank down into one of the chairs along the wooden table. He looked back up at Mika with heartbreak in his eyes.</p><p>"I meant every word." Said Arrow. "Don't let her end up like me. It's so easy to just... lose yourself in it. I can't take all my years of self-destruction back, but it's not too late for her."</p><p>"I won't let her fall that far." Mika affirmed grimly. Arrow nodded. He assumed a pensive expression as he held Mika's gaze, as though some internal battle was raging in his head. "What's on your mind, A?" he added, arching an eyebrow seriously.</p><p>"I saw your face as you walked in yesterday while I was talking to her..." said Arrow. "I know everyone says you have a good poker face, but I know you too well. You looked like you were ready to knock me out of my throne."</p><p>Mika sighed heavily. Should've seen that coming. He'd still been standing up, but he slowly pulled out a chair from the table and sat down next to Arrow.</p><p>"You're famous for how much you hate the vampaneze because your wife was murdered by one." Said Mika. He kept his tone even, knowing how easily this topic could go sideways. "So you can imagine my concern when I see you conferencing with my impressionable, grieving daughter who just went through what you went through."</p><p>"Fuck, Mika..." Arrow gulped, his face falling. He balled up one fist and slammed it into the table as through the thoughts in his head were causing him immense frustration. "You really think so little of me? Did you think I was going to tell her to pick up an axe and go hunt them for sport?"</p><p>"Not in those exact words." Said Mika carefully. "But hatred is insidious. It became your entire identity. And there's so much about you that's more worthy of recognition... but your grudge overshadows all of it. It always has, and it still does. Punch me in the head if you want, I truly have no fucks left to give at this point. It's the truth."</p><p>"I'm not denying it." Arrow murmured. But there was a strain of bitterness in his voice that hadn't been there til now. "That's who I am... I'm Arrow the Vampaneze Slayer. Whether I still want to be or not."</p><p>"You don't want to be that anymore?" Mika asked, mildly taken aback. Arrow looked more world-weary than Mika had ever seen him.</p><p>"Of course not." Arrow croaked. "I meant what I said at the funeral feast. I don't know what to do from here. All I know is I've been a key player in how far we've distanced ourselves from the vampaneze, and I own it. We can't take another decade at war. Something has to change."</p><p>"I wish the rest of the world knew the Arrow I know. And I don't mean Arrow The Vampaneze Slayer." said Mika, voice catching in his throat. "I mean my best friend, my brother. A, you were my sanity when I was losing my mind. And when I actually did lose it... you helped me find it."</p><p>Arrow's eyes were reddening, lips trembling, shoulders starting to shake.</p><p>"Relationships come and go... Sarah, Arra, Kurda, Kaden, Renley... but nothing touches us. At least that's what I always thought. Until that fight." Mika added hoarsely, and Arrow unraveled further yet.</p><p>"Gods, Mika... fuck... I'm sorry, I just..." Arrow stammered disconsolately for a few moments and Mika did not attempt to finish his sentence for him. And good thing too, because Mika wouldn't have predicted what Arrow was about to say. "I was wrong. I was so fucking wrong. I thought I was getting better at managing it, but then Kurda happened and it was like I was right back to square one, the day she died. And I couldn't see past it. I'm a mess. I've never been anything but a mess."</p><p>"I'm sorry you felt that way. I don't think you're a mess." Said Mika, looking Arrow dead in the eye, gaze unrelenting. "But I'm done listening to the excuses you make for yourself."</p><p>"I'm trying... I'm not like you." Arrow croaked. "I'm not strong. Not inside."</p><p>"A few years ago, when I was my worst self, Paris told me: <em>"I know you can be better. So be better"</em>." Mika added. "Trying isn't enough. If you can't get out of your own way... I have nothing left to give this friendship."</p><p>Mika let those words hang for a moment. It didn't need to be specified; they both knew they were thinking of what Arrow said before the funeral, and the deafening subtext within it. The catalyst to the ground caving in between them:</p><p>
  <em>"Was Kurda worth it, Mika? Was he worth this?"</em>
</p><p>"You were right." Arrow whispered at last, and when his eyes met Mika's they pierced the deepest place in his soul. "Kurda was worth ten of me. And he was right to do what he did. I hate it, but that doesn't make it any less true."</p><p>There it was. It wasn't phrased as an apology - but it said more than an apology ever could. Mika felt blood rush to his head, and for the first time in gods knew how long it was a sense of relief, not impending panic, that had his limbs trembling.</p><p>A long, loaded silence hung between them. Mika chose to pierce it, because he knew exactly what say:</p><p>"If you died tomorrow, I wouldn't remember how much you hate the vampaneze. I'd remember how much you loved your people. And I don't just mean your inner circle, I mean the entire clan. If you can love something that much while balancing it with all that hate, imagine what you could do if you just let the hate go. It's not to late to take your own advice."</p><p>Arrow was weeping freely now, shoulders shaking mightily, face buried in his massive, battle-scarred hands. He tried to say something, but it was utterly unintelligible.</p><p>"Didn't catch that. Get your shit together and try again." Said Mika with a note of fond exasperation he couldn't remember when he'd used last. Arrow's attempt at getting his shit together involved essentially collapsing onto the table and sobbing loudly into his folded arms for a few minutes.</p><p>"Yeah, that's it. Let it all out, A." Mika sighed with the faintest margin of sarcasm because he just couldn't resist. "Tell me all about how rough YOUR week has been." But he gently patted Arrow's back all the same.</p><p>But Arrow laughed, as Mika knew he would. And when he raised his head he was smiling like he hadn't smiled in years.</p><p>"Gods, I missed you, you absolute prick. First I didn't see you for six years, then we only got half a day together before all hell broke loose." Arrow chuckled shakily as he wiped his tears. "You're my fucking soulmate. You know that, right?"</p><p>Mika shot him a wry grin.</p><p>"Don't let Kaden hear you say that." He smirked.</p><p>Arrow's eyes immediately widened and his face went bright red. But he let out a great boom of laughter.</p><p>"Excuse you?! My listening skills may not be renowned, but I'm damn sure I remember hearing Renley on that list you named. And I may have had other things on my mind at the time, but I vividly remember him holding you up after we fought. I suggest you start filling me in on whatever the hell I've missed."</p><p>Mika winced. He certainly didn't mean to tack Renley's name on there. But he couldn't take it back now.</p><p>"Fuck, we're going to be here all night."</p><p>"I'm sorry, does Sire Ver Leth have somewhere more important to be?" Arrow fired back.</p><p>Mika rolled his eyes and smiled.</p><p>"I'll have Seba bring some ale."</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Hey December</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Guess I'm feeling unmoored</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Can't remember</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>What I used to fight for</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>I rewind the tape but all it does is pause</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>On the very moment all was lost</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Sending signals</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>To be double crossed</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>THREE DAYS LATER:</strong>
</p><p>Mika was sitting at his desk flipping through meeting records when he heard a soft knock on his door. He knew it would be Gracie. Nobody else in Vampire Mountain knocked softly.</p><p>"Come in." He told her quickly, and she did.</p><p>"Hey." She greeted him. "You busy?"</p><p>"Depends who's asking." He replied with a thin smile.</p><p>"I'm the only one in here." Said Gracie, arching an eyebrow but returning his smile. It was faint, but it was a smile nonetheless.</p><p>"Then I have all the time in the world." Said Mika. Gracie smiled a little wider, and approached. She looked tired, but as settled as could be expected in the circumstances. She sat down on the lid of his closed coffin and peered up at him. It occurred to Mika that maybe he should have a second desk chair in this room. But usually he was the only one in here (and the odd time he hosted company, they were generally in his coffin). Not to mention he didn't like clutter. It appeared Gracie was having a similar thought about his lack of extra furnishing.</p><p>"Why don't you have a couch like Uncle Arrow?" She remarked. "You have plenty of space."</p><p>"It would clash with the furniture." Said Mika with a hollow chuckle. "Arrow's couch is great, but I promise it's not worth the effort it took to get that thing into the mountain. And most of the time I spend in this room I'm either asleep or at this desk." He explained with a shrug, patting the luxurious mahogany surface.</p><p>"Why do you have such a nice desk, anyway?" Gracie asked. "I thought vampires were all about roughing it."</p><p>"They are. I mean, we are." Said Mika, smiling wryly. "I can rough it as well as the rest of them. But I have nothing to prove to anymore. The matching furniture was an investiture gift."</p><p>"Gift from who?"</p><p>"Me."</p><p>"Wow." Gracie smirked. "Where does one even get matching furniture in the middle of nowhere?"</p><p>"One asks the mountain carpenters to build it. And when one has an investiture coming up, they say yes." Said Mika. "The wood was imported from Denmark."</p><p>"You're too much." Gracie replied, rolling her eyes. "No wonder I'm so high maintenance."</p><p>"I know what I like. Sue me. You're a lawyer, aren't you?" Said Mika.</p><p>"I WAS a lawyer. And I wouldn't waste my time suing you - you don't have a cent to your name, remember?"</p><p>"Right. I always forget that part."</p><p>"If I was a vampire..." Gracie mused thoughtfully. "I think I'd get a matching set like this too. But I'd want a real bed, not a coffin. Or a hammock. No offence to tradition, but I'd rather still have a functional spine by the time I'm seven hundred. I've only been back for a week and I already need a chiropractor."</p><p>Mika frowned at the words 'if I was a vampire', but manage to neutralize his face again just as quickly. He wasn't quick enough though, and she noticed.</p><p>"What was that face?" She inquired in a way that was offhanded-but-not. Gosh, wonder where she learned that?</p><p>"Nothing." Said Mika calmly. "Just glad to see you inherited my excellent taste. You know I can just ask the carpenters and they'll build whatever you want, right? You don't have to be a vampire."</p><p>She narrowed her eyes at him, and he knew she wasn't buying his lighthearted attempt at changing the subject.</p><p>"You never used to flinch like that when I mentioned becoming a vampire." Gracie remarked. Her tone was disarmingly casual. And yet so pointed. "That was always Kurda's deal. I couldn't even make a joke about it and he'd act like I said something awful."</p><p>"Because the idea of you ever joining the clan is more serious than you can even get your head around." Said Mika carefully.</p><p>She let out a chilly laugh.</p><p>"You think I don't understand how serious all of this is? I was there to hear how they planned to use me against you. And I was there to see you almost get killed. I couldn't fight, I couldn't flit... it was just me and my car."</p><p>"Gracie, I'm glad I'm alive. I owe you everything." Said Mika. "But let me be perfectly clear, I hate that you risked your life for me. You were only in that position because of me, and I'm going to carry that for the rest of my-"</p><p>"Yeah, I know, Dad. Woe is you." She cut him off impatiently. "Listen, I wasn't just trying to make you feel better when I said it wasn't your fault. I know you did everything you could to keep me safe. But for all your power, it still wasn't enough. And you were right, it happened because of you."</p><p>"Just tell me how I can make it up to you, Gracie. I don't know how, but I'll try anything."</p><p>No sooner had the words escaped his lips than Mika realized he already knew exactly where this conversation was going. Part of him always knew this was coming. But for a while he sure had convinced himself otherwise. The only thing she wanted from him was the one thing he wasn't prepared to give her. All he knew now was that it was too late to take those words back.</p><p>She stared back at him, the utter picture of serenity except for the wildfire in her eyes. Mika held her gaze even as alarm bells screamed in his mind.</p><p>"I'm ready to join the clan." Said Gracie, as though it was the simplest thing in the world. As if she was endeavouring to go get a haircut or something.</p><p>There it was. Mika felt his heart drop into his stomach.</p><p>"You're already part of the clan." Said Mika, not taking his eyes off hers. "You're my family. That makes you part of the clan."</p><p>She rolled her eyes and Mika knew he wasn't going to be able to smooth this over with a few gentle words.</p><p>"Since when have you wanted to become a vampire?" He asked, in the most transparent masquerade of calm he'd ever attempted.</p><p>"There's always been part of me that wanted in." She replied flatly. "What better time than now? I'm not a minor anymore. I know exactly what I'm getting into. I'm ready to go all in."</p><p>"Slow down. It's not that simple." Mika countered, as his own thoughts were being anything but slow. "I know you're not a minor. But you're still young. Most vampires start as a human apprentice. Sometimes they travel with their vampiric mentor for years before they fully commit to joining the clan."</p><p>"Good thing I spent my entire childhood following you and Kurda around." Said Gracie wryly. "I know the laws. I know the traditions. I know how the mountain operates. I can even name every past Prince and most of the famous Generals! How many fully-blooded vampires can even do that?"</p><p>"I know." Said Mika. His tone was placating - he knew it wouldn't work, but it was all he had. "You were always so smart. You listened to everything we said. I think you were more familiar with mountain protocols than half the staff-"</p><p>"So you agree. I know exactly what I'm getting into." Gracie replied evenly.</p><p>Fuck, thought Mika.</p><p>Gracie raised one fine, golden eyebrow and Mika was absolutely certain that she'd rehearsed this debate in her head at least a hundred times already. Mika, on the other hand, was totally blindsided. And he was sinking fast.</p><p>"I know it's not what you wanted." She added. "But you told me it was my choice, years ago. Even when Kurda shut me down, you told me you'd have my back. Whatever I chose. And I'm choosing." She spoke with a cutting self-assurance that would've made Mika proud in any other context but this. He winced internally.</p><p>"I did say that. You're right." Said Mika. "But the world has changed so much, the clans weren't at war back then."</p><p>"All the more reason to blood me. Don't you want me to be able to defend myself?!" She retorted, her voice taking on an abrasive edge. "What if something happens to you? What if you can't protect me anymore?"</p><p>"You're not thinking clearly." Mika protested. "Put yourself in my shoes for a minute and try to understand-"</p><p>"'Don't even go there. My head's never been clearer!" Gracie fired back, eyes blazing determinedly. "I've been thinking about this all week. I only waited this long because I knew you weren't ready to hear it. Maybe you should put yourself in MY shoes."</p><p>"I understand why you think you need to do this. And I believe that you've put a lot of thought into it." Mika pushed back, albeit with no small degree of caution. He was an expert in high-stakes arguments, but this could very well be one of the toughest debates of his career. "It's only been a week, Gracie. You're still grieving. Trust me, it's too soon. Give it a year and see if you still want it. Then we can talk."</p><p>"Perfect. A year should give you plenty of time to prepare your next excuse." She growled, rolling her eyes again.</p><p>"I'm not making excuses! I'm also not letting you make a permanent decision because of a temporary feeling." Said Mika defensively. And he immediately realized he couldn't have phrased that any worse.</p><p>"TEMPORARY FEELING?!" She snapped. "I have news for you. This isn't like when I broke up with my high school boyfriend and you flitted to the school and ate ice cream with me while I cried. I didn't just lose Dale! I lost my whole life! You think I can just get over this in a week or two?!"</p><p>"Of course not, I'd never expect -"</p><p>"You're really throwing around words like 'temporary feeling' when you still flinch every time you hear the name Kurda Smahlt?" She continued viciously. There were tears in her eyes but her voice didn't waver.</p><p>"Gracie, just listen to me. I know I failed you, but you have to trust that I know what I'm talking about here." Said Mika, struggling to get the words out as his throat constricted. "Joining the clan won't change what happened. As long as you stay human, you have a chance at going back. Please... just wait til the war is over."</p><p>"Are you that ignorant of the real world?" Gracie snarled back. This side of her was unfamiliar to Mika. He was dumbstruck, utterly lost. "You really think I can just slide back into the human world when all this clan bullshit blows over?" She continued vehemently.</p><p>"Of course you can." Said Mika firmly, even though he'd never felt less confident in his life. "You worked so for the life you had -"</p><p>"THAT LIFE IS GONE! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?" She yelled, springing to her feet abruptly. Mika also stood up from where he was seated, although he moved with deliberate slowness. This was no time to fight fire with fire.</p><p>"My boyfriend died suspiciously and I disappeared the same day? You don't think people will question that?!" She continued. "And did you forget I killed someone with a car registered to me, and fled the scene? Left my job without warning? And you think someday I can just walk into my office again like nothing happened?!"</p><p>"I know it's not that simple. I'm sorry, you're right." Mika countered desperately. "But you can find a new city, or a new country, make a fresh start-"</p><p>"This isn't the same world you were born into! There's no fresh start! You think my name and face aren't all over the news right now? Not to mention the social security numbers, identification, and background checks if I ever applied for a job again! Dad, I was a fucking lawyer! Do you know how much work that took?!"</p><p>"Of course I know. You'll be a lawyer again, we'll figure it out." Mika didn't even believe the words he was saying, but he couldn't stop them from tumbling out. Arguing constructively had always been his superpower and Gracie got that from him. But arguing with Gracie was Mika's kryptonite. She got that from Kurda.</p><p>"I can't just give myself a new identity!" She scoffed, gawking at him as though he was truly incompetent. "It doesn't work like that! Know what kinds of jobs you can get with no documents or identification? I'll be lucky to stay off the street if I go back!"</p><p>Mika felt his mouth dry up as the true scope of her loss dawned on him. And he hated himself for not fully comprehending it til now. He was never this naive.</p><p>"We can find a way." He choked out. He knew he was faltering. "Like when we enrolled you in school. We had to find someone to make all the fake documents. We can do that again."</p><p>"So I can spend the rest of my life living a lie? Constantly looking over my shoulder? What kind of life is that?"</p><p>"You don't have to go back to the human world. You can just stay here. You'll be safe." Mika offered hopelessly. One last, desperate grasp at the straws. He wasn't delusional enough to believe it was actually a solution.</p><p>"So those are my options?" She snorted derisively, tears gleaming in her eyes. "Living out my days as a fake human out there, or a fake vampire in here? But hey, at least I'll only have to rough it for five or six more decades before I get old and die! And when that happens, you'll still look thirty-five."</p><p>"Stop..." Mika heard himself rasp. "Please..."</p><p>"Don't I deserve a chance to make something of myself, like you? I tried to be a great human-"</p><p>"You were! You are!"</p><p>"It doesn't matter now. Let me try to be a great vampire."</p><p>"You have to give it time. You'll find your place in the world." Said Mika softly. And he knew he shouldn't have even bothered uttering those words out loud.</p><p><em>"MY LIFE IS OVER BECAUSE YOU PAINTED A TARGET ON MY BACK THE DAY YOU BROUGHT ME HOME!</em>" She roared, voice finally cracking. "After everything you've done for me, how hard you worked to help me have my own life. You failed. And now you won't even let me be part of <em>your</em> life." Tears streamed from her eyes as she directed all her grief and anger directly at Mika. Mika yelled at a lot of people for a lot of reasons on a regular basis, and not in a million years would it have occurred to him to yell back at Gracie. Ever. He sit there and took it - any other reaction would've felt wrong.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Gracie." Mika whispered hopelessly. But meaning it with every fibre of his being didn't help a damn thing. He knew it, and so did she.</p><p>"You keep asking me what you can do for me, how you can make it up to me." She croaked. "Well... this is it, Dad. This is all that's left."</p><p>Then she stared at him for a few moments, eyes still glittering with cold, angry tears. Mika he stared back at her, mind racing but body completely still, eyes glazed over as that familiar slow-burn panic began to burn through his veins. He didn't feel he deserved to breathe the same oxygen as she did, because she was right. She seemed to be waiting for him to speak but he couldn't form a coherent thought, much less vocalize it. She shook her head as though disgusted, then stood up and headed for the door.</p><p>"Gracie, don't leave. Please, just -"</p><p>The door slammed. She was gone, and Mika was alone again.</p><p>She was so fucking right about everything. Mika didn't think it was possible to hate himself any more than he already did. He should've known better than to think he'd seen everything rock bottom had to offer.</p><p>There's always a new low.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>And I was catching my breath</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Barefoot in the wildest winter</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Catching my death</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>And I couldn't be sure</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>I had a feeling so peculiar</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>That this pain would be for</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Evermore</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>It would be days before Mika and Gracie spoke again. She rejected his every attempt to reconnect, so he backed way off and respected her space, difficult as it was. She continued to spend most of her waking hours helping Seba around the mountain - Mika got hourly updates so at least he could take comfort in the knowledge that she was keeping busy and not wallowing in misery.</p><p>And who was he to protest anything she'd said? After all, hadn't it been Mika himself who told her, time after time, that once she reached adulthood he'd support whatever path she chose? He'd been lulled into a false sense of security by how she succeeded at building a life for herself. He really had convinced himself that this was off the table.</p><p>How ignorant that was.</p><p>Mika finished another exhausting night in the Hall of Princes and had just switched places with Arrow. That was his one and only silver lining - at least he had Arrow back on his team. And he didn't know how he survived four months without.</p><p>It was late and he'd been awake far too long - so, just a regular day. Mika wandered down to the Hall of Perta Vin-Grahl, beyond ready to drown the stress of the day in the soothing chill of the underground pools.</p><p>But it's hard to drown stress when it's waiting for you in the water.</p><p>Mika turned the corner into the room, froze on the spot, and promptly wheeled around to head right back where he came from. The cavernous room was empty, except for one lone figure waiting in the deep pool Mika favoured.</p><p>Renley's back was facing Mika, so Mika figured he might just get away without being noticed, but he wasn't that lucky. He's never that lucky.</p><p>"About time you showed up." Said Renley. He wasn't speaking loudly but his voice carried well, echoing off the vast walls.</p><p>"I didn't know you kept a copy of my schedule, but I guess I'm not surprised." Said Mika lightly as he approached. He felt a little guilty - Renley hadn't exactly been at the front of his mind ever since the incident. They'd barely spoken since.</p><p>"Don't need your schedule when you're predictable as clockwork. Your last meeting ran long. You're stressed. You know you need to eat but you aren't hungry yet. You came down here to clear your head, and the cold makes you hungry so you'll stop for a bite on your way back up the mountain. Then you'll go to bed, sleep for a few hours, and do it all again." Said Renley, glancing up at Mika as he reluctantly made his way over. The luminous lichen on the walls bathed the cavern in a soft bluish light that clearly defined every curve of Ren's well-muscled back and shoulders.</p><p>"You know me well." Said Mika quietly.</p><p>"Not really. Your patterns of behaviour are predictable, that's all. You're not nearly as mysterious and complicated as you think." Said Renley.</p><p>Remember when Kurda told Mika that years ago? Almost word for word? Mika remembers.</p><p>Mika peeled his clothes off and wordlessly slipped into the frigid waters, sitting on the ledge a few feet from Renley.</p><p>"So you were waiting for me." Mika remarked after a moment.</p><p>"It's not exactly easy to get you alone. Especially now that you and Arrow are back together." Renley explained, more sardonically than was probably necessary.</p><p>"In case you haven't noticed..." said Mika drily. "I'm kind of going through something at the moment. Getting laid hasn't exactly been top priority."</p><p>"You think I'm worried about that right now?" Ren sighed, rubbing his face tiredly. "I want to talk to you. And it'd be great if you'd listen. And if you felt like talking to me too, I wouldn't complain." He sounded extremely resigned, and his eyes were devoid of their usual devilish gleam.</p><p>Mika knew exactly what this was. He saw it coming from a mile away.</p><p>"Talk, then." He told Renley quietly. "I'm listening."</p><p>"Alright. I get why you called Kurda in. You have a daughter together, and that's separate from the clan shit. I don't have an issue with the 'why'."</p><p>"You have an issue, though." Said Mika.</p><p>"A little warning would've been nice. That's all I'm saying."</p><p>"Ren, I wasn't bringing you to a party as my date. I needed you to help me save my daughter's life. Sorry I didn't want to waste time giving you a heads-up about my ex."</p><p>"I could've gotten over that. It's the way you looked at him, Mika. I know his betrayal cut you the deepest - but he turned on every single vampire in this clan. And that includes me. You can't expect me not to have some feelings about that... at the very least. I'm trying to get past it, but you're going to have to help me out here."</p><p>Mika bristled, and snapped around to glare directly at Renley.</p><p>"Did you witness the same trial I did?" He growled. "If the fact that he turned on us was your biggest takeaway, and after seven years you haven't figured out that there's bigger forces at play than you or I can comprehend... I don't know what to tell you, Ren."</p><p>"I refuse to believe he couldn't have found another way. He was going to be a Prince!" Renley groaned, practically oozing frustration. "The highest honour any of us can imagine - he had everything I ever wanted. And that included you. He sold us all out. He plotted your fucking murder, do you just keep forgetting that?! And after all of that, you still look at him like he's the only person in the world. I don't understand, Mika. Make it make sense."</p><p>Mika sat quietly for a minute</p><p>"So you still want your own throne someday, Ren? You think you can handle being <em>Sire Azerion</em>?" He murmured, narrowed eyes still trained icily on the young General beside him. "Here's some insight from someone who's been living your dream for about a century now: First of all, it's actually a nightmare, so good luck. Second, it's not about power and glory. Your entire job is to give the clan everything you fucking have, and I mean <em>everything</em>. All your time, your energy, your sanity, and if necessary - your life."</p><p>"I know how it works." Renley shot back, holding Mika's gaze determinedly. But Mika could see the shadows in his eyes. Ren was no idiot. He knew he'd crossed a line. And the Mika sitting beside him right now wasn't his fuck buddy - he was his superior.</p><p>"Kurda saw a threat coming, and he knew nobody would be willing to take him seriously enough to consider clan unification - not even me. He was right, and I'll never forgive myself for that." Mika continued viciously. "But his plan would've secured our future if he succeeded, and it would've saved more vampires than it lost. Simple math. And he knew the cost - I'd be dead. Gracie would hate him. What remained of the clan would hate him too."</p><p>"I know, Mika." Renley croaked. "I didn't mean-"</p><p>"Actually, you don't know. And you meant exactly what you said." Mika ranted on. "Do you really not remember what Kurda said at the trial? Once it was all said and done, he'd be executed himself! He had nothing to gain. Not a single thing except maybe saving a few ungrateful vampires like you. I used to tell myself I would've done the same thing in that position - but the truth is, I don't know if I could've done it. You know why? Because I'm not that fucking strong."</p><p>Mika paused for breath. Shaking with suppressed rage, but not finished yet.</p><p>"I'm not <em>half</em> the Prince Kurda could've been. He wasn't a naive fool, and he wasn't a snake. I respect you, Renley. I appreciate you. But if I ever hear you throwing dirt on his name again, I <em>promise</em> you'll never get an investiture nomination. Not from me, or anyone else." Mika finished. His heart was racing, but he forced himself to keep his breathing under control. But it wasn't hot, defensive anger blistering through his veins anymore. It was vindication.</p><p>Renley didn't speak for the longest time. Mika had nothing left to say so they just sat side by side in the glow of the lichen, listening to the muffled crash of the waterfall on the far side of the cavern.</p><p>After several long minutes in which he stared bleakly into the crystal pool, Renley finally tilted his head to the side and looked over at Mika. He looked neither angry nor offended. Or even surprised, for that matter.</p><p>"You still love him." Said Renley. It wasn't a question, but a statement. And he said it as simply as though commenting on the scenery.</p><p>Mika said nothing. Of course he still loved Kurda. But he didn't even want to have that conversation with himself, much less Renley.</p><p>"You know... you still look for him in your sleep. You talk to him too." Said Renley at last, voice thick with emotion. "At least, you've done it almost all of the times you've slept with me."</p><p>Mika winced in surprise. That was a curveball he didn't see coming.</p><p>"That... that can't be right."</p><p>"Why would I lie? The first night you fell asleep in my bed... You were reaching for me. Or so I thought. You just kept saying, <em>"I'm sorry... don't leave me"</em>. Like you were lost, or someone else was. And I kept telling you I wasn't going anywhere. I pulled you into my arms but you didn't wake up. Eventually you said his name... and that was when I realized you were still in love with him and I didn't have a hope in hell. But I tried anyway."</p><p>Mika took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. He glanced over at Renley, one eyebrow raised skeptically.</p><p>"I would've been happier not knowing that, as long as we're being honest with each other." He informed Renley.</p><p>"We don't always get what we want." Said Renley sadly. "You should've realized that by now. Just know that when I told you I loved you, I meant it."</p><p>"I love you too, Ren." Mika sighed after a weighted silence. "I'm just not in love with you. I know, because I tried to be."</p><p>Renley let out a breath of bitter laughter. He leaned over, as though weary from a long journey, and rested his head on Mika's shoulder. Mika leaned into him too, and closed his eyes.</p><p>"Hey, that's further than I ever expected to get with you." Renley choked out after a minute. "So... good for me, I guess."</p><p>"No, you were good for me." Said Mika quietly. "In another life, I think I would've fallen for you just as hard. But in this life... it's out of my hands. I'm sorry."</p><p>"I know. It's okay. You deserve the world, Mika."</p><p>"I already have that. I just want my family back."</p><p>It seemed Renley was out of words for the night. He put his arm around Mika and kissed him on the temple. He held on for a minute and Mika didn't protest. Then they broke apart, Renley wordlessly got dressed and left the cave, leaving Mika alone with his thoughts once more.</p><p>But Mika wasn't afraid that like he used to be - sitting by himself with only his own mind for company. And damn, had that ever been a long time coming.</p><p>First came the heavy drinking after Kurda's exile - because passing out in a drunken coma was so much easier than trying to co-exist with all the strange new demons in his head. Then came the five years in the field hunting for the Vampaneze Lord, when Mika pushed himself to the limit every single night. It worked - as long as he was busy or exhausted, he couldn't hear himself think. Then it was back to the mountain where he couldn't afford to lose himself completely like he had before. So he found his third and final coping mechanism - in the form of Renley fucking him into oblivion every night.</p><p>No more.</p><p>The war was shifting gears, and Mika couldn't explain precisely what that meant. It was just something he knew with every fibre of his being. This storm was coming to a head, and whatever happened next would shake the universe to its core.</p><p>And he needed to be ready for that.</p><p>And he'd start by finally facing what he'd been putting off for the past week.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Can't not think of all the cost</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>And the things that will be lost</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Oh, can we just get a pause?</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>To be certain we'll be tall again</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Whether weather be the frost</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Or the violence of the dog days</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>I'm on waves, out being tossed</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Is there a line that I could just go cross?</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He left the waterfall cavern and began the long walk up corridor after corridor that would lead him to what was once Kurda's personal cell before the era of their cohabitation. Mika felt numb from head to toe and it had nothing to do with the icy water he'd left behind.</p><p>He thought he was ready, he really did. But the closer he got to the room, the more he knew he'd never, ever truly be ready to take in whatever coded goodbye Kurda had penned while having every intention of permanently removing Mika from the equation. And fuck, even seven years the thought was just as crippling as the moment Kurda admitted it at the trial.</p><p>By now, Mika understood Kurda's motives inside and out. Acknowledged the agony it caused Kurda to set that plan into motion. Internalized the fact that Kurda had been acting for the greater good of the clan as any Prince would have, no matter how much it hurt - exactly the point he'd been trying to hammer into Renley's thick skull not ten minutes ago.</p><p>But even now, Mika still ended up back in the same dark, depraved place he'd mentally retreated to during the trial. Because no matter how noble Kurda's sacrifice, Renley was right. He still plotted the death of the man he loved, the co-father of his daughter. He was still at the core of a plot that would've orphaned her for the second time in her life. And no matter how pure his intentions, he still shattered Mika's world so thoroughly, no lifetime would be long enough to pick up all the pieces.</p><p>Mika paused outside the door to Kurda's cell and took several deep breaths that didn't make him feel better in the slightest.</p><p>He was fully anticipating a crippling panic attack the second he walked through the door.</p><p>Kurda's old room was dusty and untouched - but somehow it still smelled like him. Or maybe it was in Mika's head. There was still a half-folded blanket in the open coffin, stacks of meeting notes on the desk, and a handful of worn clothes in a pile on the floor. If you ignored the dust, it seemed like Kurda had only been gone for a few minutes and would float through those doors at any second.</p><p>They'd hooked up here, countless times. Way, way back while they were fucking their way through the secret-friends-with-benefits phase that preceded their actual relationship. Gods, how simple life was back then when their biggest problem was trying to keep the covert ops hidden from the public eye. Mika's only regret was keeping it a secret at all. He should've gone all-in from the start. His heart wanted to, his brain just took a while to catch up. Their relationship still would've been obliterated in the end, but at least they would've had more time to be happy.</p><p>Mika's hands were shaking so violently he could barely open the chest. Luckily he didn't have to dig to find the letter, it was right there at the top. A nondescript envelope that was simply labelled "MVL".</p><p>He sat at Kurda's desk, not bothering to brush the dust off and got all over him. It contrasted sharply with his all-black attire but that was the furthest thing from his mind. His heart was about to hammer a hole through his throat and he felt on the verge of throwing up and/or blacking out.</p><p>He moved at a glacial pace as he went about carefully peeling the envelope open, then withdrawing the folded piece of paper. His hands were so numb he had next to no control over what they were doing, one wrong move could accidentally rip the thing in half.</p><p>Finally, the envelope was discarded and the letter was securely in his hands; the blank, folded side facing out. This was it. There was no going back.</p><p>He inhaled. Closed his eyes.</p><p>One more trip down memory lane to the last night they ever spent in here, the night they ended their no-strings-attached arrangement. In the blinding heat of climax, Mika found himself a fraction of a second away from moaning out three reckless words that would've turned their world upside down at the time. He almost said "I love you". And he would've meant it. But he held back, and went on to waste almost a year before he finally said those words out loud. And he'd never forgive himself for all that wasted time they could've had.</p><p>Exhaled. Unfolded the letter. Whatever final thoughts it contained, he wouldn't waste another second.</p><p>So he read it.</p><p>Once.</p><p>Twice.</p><p>Three times.</p><p>He got halfway through the third read before he finally broke. Vision blurring. Palms sweating. Lungs closing. Stood up from the desk. Bad idea. Room spinning. <em>Can't think. Can't breathe.</em></p><p>The letter alone would've <em>levelled</em> him, even if he hadn't already been carrying the weight of Gracie's loss. Put the two together and it was a psychological clusterfuck of the highest order.</p><p>This changed everything.</p><p>Suddenly, everything he thought he knew was wrong. The truth that broke him seven years ago, the night of Kurda's exile, had only ever been the partial truth. But Mika ended up in the same place he had back then - slowly sinking to the floor, imploding into himself because it was all too much. Just like last time. The moment he lived in fear of repeating. And suddenly he was right back in it.</p><p>But was he?</p><p>No.</p><p>That was then, and this was now.</p><p>Seven years ago, he was drunk, bleeding, destructive. Wanting out. Wanting to die. Begging for all of it to just stop.</p><p>Now, his body was shaking from more adrenaline than he knew what to do with. In shock, but not like before. Gone was the crushing grief and confusion. He didn't know what he was feeling now, but it wasn't that.</p><p>Seven years ago, Arrow found him and practically carried him out of the room. Mika told him he didn't want to be a Prince anymore. And that, for him, was rock bottom.</p><p>Now, he was picking himself up off the floor, galvanized by a new resolve. Because now he had the last piece of the puzzle, when he hadn't even known it was missing. When he walked out of this room it'd be under his own power. He only <em>thought</em> he was strong before. Now he <em>knew</em> he was.</p><p>Seven years ago, he became a weak, sick, broken shell of who he used to be. He stopped trusting himself, started questioned every decision he'd ever made. But mostly, childishly, selfishly - he wondered if Kurda had stopped loving him, or if he ever actually loved him from the start.</p><p>Now he knew better. And he'd never question it again.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>And when I was shipwrecked (Can't think of all the cost)</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>I thought of you (All the things that will be lost now)</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>In the cracks of light (Can we just get a pause?)</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>I dreamed of you (To be certain we'll be tall again)</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>(If you think of all the costs)</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>It was real enough (Whether weather be the frost)</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>To get me through (Or the violence of the dog days)</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>(Out on waves being tossed)</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>I swear (Is there a line that we could just go cross?)</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>You were there</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Gracie knew she couldn't exist parallel from Mika forever, but for now it was working.</p><p>Her relationship with Mika had always been rock-solid. She was fully aware he had no earthly idea how to be a parent, but he knew how to be a leader. So Mika's take on fatherhood was just a modified version of how he went about leading the clan. He was open, honest, rational, and respectful. And she loved him for it.</p><p>So on top of everything else, being on bad terms with Mika had her feeling absolutely gutted inside. She knew why he was so adamant against blooding her. She also knew she'd sliced him to the bone with her words. She regretted the way she said them, but nevertheless she stood by all of it. The only way to reach her true potential now was to leave her humanity behind. Maybe eventually Mika would see that. She supposed she wouldn't be leaving this mountain anytime soon.</p><p>The storm of grief and bitterness still swirled in her mind, but at least she got a reprieve during the hours she spent working. And by the time she got back to her cell, her body was weary enough that she could drift off to sleep without her brain putting up too much of a fight. It wasn't a permanent fix, but it was a good temporarily solution. She'd just finished another long day of doing odd jobs in the mountain under Seba's quietly watchful eye, and she was endlessly grateful to have that outlet. Otherwise she'd undoubtedly be pacing a hole in the floor of this room, maybe banging her head against the wall or something.</p><p>She was just getting ready to call it a day when she heard a knock on her door.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"It's me." Mika's voice drifted through the heavy wooden doorframe. "Let me in, Gracie. Please. I haven't seen you in three days."</p><p>"Unless you're here to tell me you're ready to honour my choices as an adult, you can go away." She replied coolly.</p><p>"I really need to talk to you. It's not about that."</p><p>"Then I'm not interested in talking."</p><p>She heard him sigh.</p><p>"This is important." He pressed, a quiet resolve evident in his voice. He wasn't going anywhere. "I have something you should see."</p><p>"Is it a list of more apologies and excuses?" She snapped back. "Because I'm good, thanks."</p><p>Mika sighed again, a little louder.</p><p>"Gracie, I love you more than anything in the universe." He replied wearily. "But if you don't unlock this door, I'm going to break it down."</p><p>Gracie rolled her eyes as she glared at the doorframe. She might've believed him if he said it with a shred of conviction. But they both knew Mika was essentially incapable of raising his voice at her, much less breaking her door down. Carefully remove it from its hinges *maybe, but even that would've been a stretch. There were more than a few degrees of separation between Mika the Dad and Mika the Vampire Prince. (Ordering guards and Generals around? Passing laws, conducting trials, handing out sentences? Effortless. Enjoyable, even. Bringing the hammer of discipline down on Gracie, for any reason ever? Unthinkable).</p><p>"Maybe try turning the handle first. Aren't you supposed to be strategic genius or something?" She suggested sardonically in the direction of the closed door. Closed, not locked. The handle turned and the door slowly creaked open to admit Mika. And he looked rough. His face was pale and his eyes were red and bloodshot. She felt a prickle of foreboding - last time he looked like that, he was breaking the news to her about how Kurda's investiture had gone off the rails and upended their entire lives.</p><p>She warily watched him approach, sitting sideways in her hammock. There was an empty storage crate near the door, Mika slid it over and took a seat upon it, at eye-level with Gracie.</p><p>"How are you?" He asked her seriously. "I've been so worried about you."</p><p>She studied his face for a moment, now that she could see him better. While he seemed dazed, whatever was going on in his head wasn't like before. He looked exhausted, but not devastated. Hopeful, even.</p><p>"I'm tired." She replied at last. "Of everything. But Seba's been taking good care of me."</p><p>"I know he has." Mika chuckled bleakly. "I've been asking him for hourly updates."</p><p>"Figures."</p><p>"Can you blame me? I'll give you as much space as you need. But if you think I'm going to let you shut me out completely, think again."</p><p>Gracie exhaled slowly, then reached out and gently placed her palm on Mika's forearm.</p><p>"I don't want to shut you out, ever." She told him. "I just don't know how else to make you understand."</p><p>"I didn't come here to have that fight with you again, Gracie. I just... I read something. Something that gave me some perspective I didn't even know I was missing. And I want you to read it too."</p><p>"...What is it?"</p><p>"The night of the attack, Renley brought you back to the mountain without me. I stayed behind for a bit, I needed to rest before I could flit safely. I talked to Kurda for a while-"</p><p>"About what?"</p><p>"A lot of things. But he told me he wrote me a letter just before his investiture ceremony. He intended for it to be his last words to me, but it didn't work out like that. I didn't know the letter existed until this week."</p><p>Mika withdrew a folded piece of paper from his chest pocket. His hand shook as he handed it over to her. She glanced down at the blank side of the paper, then back up at Mika, calculated but curious.</p><p>"I had no idea what to expect. It took me all week to bring myself to read it. And I just did." Mika added. "We didn't have the whole truth before. But we do now. Trust me."</p><p>Suddenly her heart felt like it was up in her throat as she prepared to unfold the paper. She reached out instinctively, and Mika met her halfway without hesitation. He firmly gripped her small hand in his powerful, battle-scarred one, silent reassurance. Incredible how something that tough could also be so soft when the moment required it.</p><p>Her eyes met his one last time before they drifted down to the letter she was holding in her other hand.</p><p>"Trust me." He repeated, so quietly it was almost a whisper.</p><p>She took one final deep breath, steeling herself. Then she began to read.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>And I was catching my breath</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Floors of a cabin creaking under my step</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>And I couldn't be sure</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>I had a feeling so peculiar</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>This pain wouldn't be for</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Evermore</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Evermore</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>Evermore</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>Mika:</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>I am writing you this letter on the evening of investiture, but you won't read it for many days after that. I am writing it now because I fear I will not have the time or the strength to do it later. Right now, my head is as clear as it's going to be for a while. Not that that's saying much. I'm so scared, Mika. I've never been more scared in my life. Scared of what I've done. Terrified of what's coming next.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>If you're reading this, you've just woken up from a coma. You're in a secret room in the bottom of the mountain. Nobody knows you're here except me.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>I'm so, so sorry, babe.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>The other Princes will have fallen by the time you read this. I poisoned all three of you to take the Stone of Blood and unite the clans by force. It's not a coincidence I chose that wine you hate for my investiture toast - I couldn't risk you taking the wrong poison. I needed you out of my way for a while, but I also needed you to wake up. Sparing you could very well undo my entire plan. But l will not be responsible for the murder of my daughter's father. She is not part of either clan, she didn't choose this.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>And neither did I, Mika. I didn't have a choice. The Vampaneze Lord has been discovered. We're all just pawns in Desmond Tiny's sick endgame. If my plan works, the future of the clan will be secure. But I promise I will be answering to Paris and Arrow in the afterlife very shortly. I am not long for this world - the vampaneze hate a traitor even more than the vampires do. I won't get out alive, but you can.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>By the time you read this, clan will have been informed you died and were cremated in a private ceremony with the others. I can't stop you from coming to find me once you wake up. I can only beg you to leave this place and never look back. I know leaving will go against everything you believe in, everything you stand for. But if you're reading this, if my plan succeeded, it means there's nothing left for you in Vampire Mountain. Trust me, nothing lasts forever.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with you. I was supposed to wake up to your stupid, cocky smile every day. I was supposed to walk Gracie down the aisle with you someday. Destiny had other plans for me, but I'm setting you free. It's the only thing I can do for you now. But if the vampaneze find out I lied to save you, everything will fall apart and it'll all have been for nothing. Both clans will collapse. And we can't guarantee Gracie's safety if that happens.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Leave this room, turn right, then left, then right again to get out of the mountain. Then find Gracie and get far away from here. I'm sorry you don't get to be Sire Ver Leth anymore. But you still get to be Gracie's dad. I'd give anything for that.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Mika Ver Leth, my entire heart and soul - I'm so sorry. My life won't be much longer but I'll love you for the rest of it. I never stopped. I never will. Take care of our daughter - love her enough to make up for this. And tell her I loved her too.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>- Kurda</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>This pain wouldn't be for evermore</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Evermore</strong>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Aaaand there it is. 12k words later! This chapter was exhausting. I don't know when I'll have the next one finished - there's a lot I need to think about, plot wise. I don't want to rush or half-ass anything. This fucking story alone is almost 200k words (for reference, Harry Potter and the Order Of The Phoenix has 250k). I've never done anything on this scale so I'd really hate to drop the ball at the finish line. </p><p>A comment would be really, really appreciated. </p><p>Thanks for reading! Stay safe :) </p><p>- Roxy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Making Wishes In The Dark</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A constellation of tears on your lashes, Burn everything you love, then burn the ashes<br/>In the end everything collides, My childhood spat back out the monster that you see</p><p>***</p><p>Kurda finds himself in the company of a key player, which ends up being just enough to trigger an epiphany while making him feel like he's tripping on acid. Meanwhile at Vampire Mountain, Mika and Gracie have a talk. And it's probably not the same talk your parents gave you. Mika only wishes things could be that simple. Elsewhere, a scheming predator receives a bit of backhanded motivation from an unlikely source.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Guys, I'm back. Sorry for the wait but TRUST ME I have not stopped thinking about this story for a single day. Heads up, this chapter is going to cover a lot. Like, there's going to be SO MUCH to unpack here.</p><p>Also. The first segment of this is strictly dialogue between Kurda and one other person. The other person's lines are bolded. Then the last segment is another dialogue-only piece between two other people - I won't spoil it but it'll become apparent almost immediately. Every time I tried to add dialogue tags I just hated them. And then I decided I liked how it came across without any additional description. Personally I really like limiting dialogue tags when in a situation where two people are talking, and it's obvious who's saying what. It plays really nicely with the fact that I'm a lazy fucking writer. But hey, you're here anyway.</p><p>Also, I've gone back and combined chapters 6/7, so this update would have been chapter 22 if not for that. Just FYI in case you're scratching your head.</p><p>Chapter 21: Making Wishes In The Dark</p><p>Song: My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark by Fall Out Boy, because I've been wanting to pair this song to a CDF thing (a Kurda thing specifically) for YEARS.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> <strong>Be careful making wishes in the dark, dark</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Can't be sure when they've hit their mark</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>And besides in the mean, mean time</strong> </em>
</p><p><em> <strong>I'm just dreaming of tearing you apart<br/><br/></strong> </em> <strong>My songs know what you did in the dark</strong></p><p>
  <em> <strong>UNDISCLOSED LOCATION:</strong> </em>
</p><p>"<strong>Young Kurda Smahlt... you know, I've witnessed more mortal beings living more lifetimes than you can fathom. Don't let it go to your head, but I must say I've found yours more than a little intriguing."</strong></p><p>"It's an honour to stand in your presence. I never imagined I'd be here."</p><p>"<strong>Were you seeking me out?"</strong></p><p>"I don't know what I was looking for. All I knew was that I couldn't stay where I was."</p><p>"<strong>You may not have known you'd end up here, but I did. I've been waiting for you."</strong></p><p>"If you don't mind me asking... why? Can you offer me guidance? There has to be a way I can help end this war."</p><p>"<strong>I don't take sides. I don't see vampires or vampaneze. I simply see weary warriors fighting for their lives in a futile game they don't even know is rigged against them."</strong></p><p>"But what do I do about it?!"</p><p>"<strong>You have a unique role in all of this, Kurda. I don't think you even know how unique you are."</strong></p><p>"That's not exactly new. I've never fit in."</p><p>"<strong>No, you didn't. But to deem you a mere misfit does you no justice. You may be a vampire, but you've put your career, your honour, and your very life on the line for the good of the vampaneze clan countless times over the decades, with no personal gain for yourself. You stand up for the vampaneze as you do for your own brethren. You've won the respect of both clans - in that regard, you have pieces of both in you. Despite your blood status. And for that, you've earned my respect."</strong></p><p>"An honour most high. Thank you."</p><p>"<strong>I am not in the business of flattery. It is simply the truth. The fact that you said you are looking to end the war, rather than win it... this tells me everything I need to know about where your heart lies."</strong></p><p>"But what am I supposed to do? How do I end the war?"</p><p>"<strong>You save them, Kurda."</strong></p><p>"The vampires? The vampaneze? Who?"</p><p>"<strong>All of them."</strong></p><p>"What about the designated Hunters? Our clan was under the impression it was all in the hands of Darren Shan, Larten Crepsley, and Vancha March. What about the prophecy?"</p><p>"<strong>When that prophecy was made, your influence was not factored in. You were considered dead in the eyes of the vampire clan. That isn't so anymore. Destiny is far more complex than you can comprehend; nothing is finite."</strong></p><p>"What is my role in all this? Am I to be the one who slays the Vampaneze Lord?"</p><p>"<strong>It's not that simple. But since when have you been interested in slaying anyone or anything? Violence has always repulsed you -"</strong></p><p>"This war repulses me! The senseless death repulses me! We're losing vampires and vampaneze every single day because of my failure! THAT repulses me!"</p><p>"<strong>Ah. You blame yourself for all of this."</strong></p><p>"How could I not?"</p><p>"<strong>Your driving force has always been striking a true peaceful unity between the clans, is that correct?"</strong></p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"<strong>Listen closely now, Kurda. The past year has been a time of reckoning for the noble vampaneze clan, quite possibly more so than for the vampires. What I am about to tell you is a secret so closely guarded, it is not even whispered about amongst either clan. You are about to become the first vampire to learn this."</strong></p><p>"Wait... is your intention to help me? I didn't think that was your way-"</p><p>"<strong>My intention is to give you a chance to clear a path to a new figure for both clans. If you choose to leave my cave and go back to the small, sheltered life you carved for yourself in exile, then it will be as if you were never here at all."</strong></p><p>"I'd rather die than go back to exile. I've sat on the sidelines for seven years - never again."</p><p>"<strong>You may not be a warrior, but you certainly have the spirit of one. Here it is: a small group of vampaneze have broken off from the clan, with the intention to quietly distance themselves the Vampaneze Lord -"</strong></p><p>"Impossible! They're honour-bound to follow him! Til the death, if he requires it. That can't be right."</p><p>"<strong>Let me finish, Smahlt. Your shock is valid; this type of revolt is unprecedented within the vampaneze clan. But they have been pushed to their limits. They feel the whims of the Vampaneze Lord go against their honour system, and they believe this so strongly they have forsaken the prophecy. They'd rather suffer any consequences the universe can possibly throw at them than submit to his rule. You can sit there with a shocked look on your face, but this group is not the first in history to do so."</strong></p><p>"Are you referring to the original group that broke off all those centuries ago, the first ones to refuse to live by the laws of the Vampire Princes?"</p><p>"<strong>You're a clever boy, Kurda. I'd give you a gold star if I had one. Yes, their goal is to follow in the footsteps of their noble forefathers who refused to be beholden to anyone but themselves. They call themselves the Last Stand. They have no official leader, but at the core of the Last Stand there is a vampaneze by the name of Shane Astor, who is highly regarded by his clan... and his Lord. If you choose to intervene, he's your key."</strong></p><p>"I remember that name from negotiations years ago. What do they need me for?"</p><p>"<strong>Because they need a leader. You lead the vampaneze against your own once, during your first crack at an investiture. A group of vampaneze who, like you, believed the future could be better and risked their lives to fight for that belief. Now you must lead the vampaneze once again. This time, against themselves. Against their lord." </strong></p><p>"...Because that worked so well for me last time?! Forty vampaneze were slaughtered in the tunnels of Vampire Mountain. Almost a dozen of my own people killed there too. And I lost everything."</p><p>"<strong>Don't be so melodramatic. From the first moment your exile began, you knew your work wasn't done. You've never once laboured under the delusion that your path would be easy. And you've always known you had a bigger part to play."</strong></p><p>"That's not true. I thought it was over for me. I was exiled by order of the Princes. It was clear-cut. I'm only here because my daughter was attacked under the ordered of the Vampaneze Lord, with the intention to be used against Mika. Against the clan."</p><p>"<strong>Ah... your daughter. Quite the journey that little one has been on."</strong></p><p>"Why are you smiling?"</p><p>"<strong>Because you still think it was an accident that you and Mika found her that night when she was a defenceless orphan. And that she was the only human left alive in that house."</strong></p><p>"Of course it was an accident. The vampaneze that killed her family was mad. We'd been tracking him for ages and we were too late. It was a tragic accident."</p><p>"<strong>And was it an accident that, out of all the vampires in the clan, you and Mika happened to be the ones to find her, that you both happened to be on the same mission... despite your history of working poorly together?"</strong></p><p>"I... I never..."</p><p>"<strong>I'm waiting, Kurda."</strong></p><p>"You're answering my questions with more questions! This conversation is going in circles! Say what you mean!"</p><p>"<strong>I mean my father picks his game pieces... and I pick mine. The fate of the vampire clan comes down to the bloodlines of the only two vampires who were alive to see both the first war and this one. Seba Nile - who's blood runs in Darren Shan's veins, via Larten Crepsley. Larten's been an object of fascination for my father for centuries. Personally, I find his unpredictable-ness makes him rather predictable. I prefer a true dark horse."</strong></p><p>"Why are you -"</p><p>"<strong>Didn't anyone ever teach you not to interrupt?"</strong></p><p>"My sincerest apologies."</p><p>"<strong>I'm sure you've figured out the other vampire I'm referring to was Paris Skyle. He may have left this world behind but his blood lives on in all remaining Princes - including Mika. The same Mika with whom you rescued and raised Grace. I trust you're doing the math in your head as we go?"</strong></p><p>"No! That can't be right! Gracie hasn't been blooded. She's not a vampire. She's not Darren! Mika's not Larten! It's nothing like -"</p><p>"<strong>Vampire or human, she is the reason my father's original prophecy was derailed even as Darren unknowingly went about fulfilling it. Had you and Mika not found her, you'd both be dead right now. You want her to distance herself from the clan, but she's already part of it. Blooded or not."</strong></p><p>"I don't understand any of this. Please! Tell me what this means for her."</p><p>"<strong>It doesn't have to mean anything FOR her. She's not the 'why'. She's the 'how'. If your plan succeeded in a timeline without her, you would have killed Mika and then been executed once the clans united. Had your plan failed in the same timeline, you'd have been executed in Vampire Mountain. And Mika, of course, would have fallen in the war - along with every other vampire. When you saved her, you unknowingly saved yourselves."</strong></p><p>"I figured out that much on my own. What are you implying? What was your role in this?"</p><p>"<strong>I predicted what my father didn't. It isn't because you and Mika loved *each other*, no. Nothing that whimsical. I know you both would have put your individual perceptions of cosmic duty above your personal feelings, had it just been the two of you. You'd have killed him for the greater good. And on the other side of that coin, he'd have killed you for your treachery to fulfill his duty to the clan."</strong></p><p>"...But both of those options were off the table as soon as Gracie entered the equation."</p><p>"<strong>You've always been a great thinker. It's simple, really. One could almost call it a loophole. Mika loved her more than he honoured your laws. And you loved her more than you feared the prophecy. And that, Kurda... that is what my father didn't see coming."</strong></p><p>"I'm going to throw up."</p><p>"<strong>Please, not on my frogs."</strong></p><p>"To hell with your frogs! What are you trying to pull?! My daughter isn't part of this war! She's an innocent human! She didn't choose any of this! You can fuck with me, and you can even fuck with Mika, but if you or your father come anywhere near her, I'll -"</p><p>"<strong>Shout at me and my frogs some more, Kurda Smahlt. Go ahead, try it. See what happens."</strong></p><p>"I apologize for losing my temper, but I stand by every word I said. My daughter has no place -"</p><p>"<strong>No place? Who do you think made her?"</strong></p><p>"What?"</p><p>"<strong>You heard me. Where do you think she came from? Don't tell me you've never considered how convenient it was, that the orphan you plucked from certain death in the very middle of nowhere turned out to be a precise blend of both you and Mika, as if she was woven from your very DNA? That she has his mind, or your heart?"</strong></p><p>"What... what are you -"</p><p>"<strong>Come on, Kurda. She even</strong> <em><strong>looks</strong></em> <strong>like you. And you're welcome, by the way. I knew she'd take on more of Mika's personality as she grew up, so at least I gave her your captivating eyes. Not that his steely smoulder isn't lovely, but I've always admired your baby blues."</strong></p><p>"You... You gave her... No. Impossible! I don't understand... you're her mother?"</p><p>"<strong>No. I have never birthed a child and I may never. Time will tell. Your daughter is not of me, I did not create her in a biological sense. I simply placed her carefully in your path."</strong></p><p>"With all due respect, that clarifies absolutely nothing for me! Please -"</p><p>"<strong>We're finished with that topic for today. But I'll grant you a word of caution, if you choose to heed it. If you make the decision to intervene using the information I've revealed to you, you must do so as an equal agent of both the vampaneze and the vampires. Shane is your counterpart among the vampaneze - you can work with him if he'll let you, but you yourself cannot tip off any other vampaneze or vampire of what I've told you. If you would prioritize one clan over the other, it would be best for you to stay out of the way entirely and let the war take its course without you. But if you still believe in peace as you did when you betrayed your clan to save them... it's not too late to fulfill your destiny."</strong></p><p>"Equality is all I've ever wanted."</p><p>"<strong>Then go. You've wasted enough time already, Kurda. Find Shane Astor. He won't be eager to work with you, but he's your only chance."</strong></p><p>"Where do I find him?"</p><p>"<strong>He visited me not too long ago, he can't have gone far. Now get out of my cave. You're upsetting my frogs."</strong></p><p>"...Thank you for your guidance, noble Lady of the Shades."</p><p>Kurda continued east after his convoluted meeting with Evanna. As his mind tore itself apart trying to make sense of the cryptic revelation about Gracie, he threw every last shred of his physical energy into scouring the countryside for Shane Astor. Kurda only ate and rested enough to keep himself functional. He felt like a sentient machine, knowing nothing beyond the instinctual drive to keep fighting until the task was complete. He'd only felt like this one other time in his life - the weeks that followed the revelation of the original prophecy. The torturous mental journey that yielded only one viable option, and cumulated in that final gut-wrenching realization that his destiny was to betray Vampire Mountain. Betray Mika. Betray Gracie.</p><p>At least once an hour, he had to stop himself from reaching for Mika by way of their mental link. The effort it took to restrain himself was astronomical, but he knew it wasn't fair to convey that kind of information mentally. It would have to wait til they saw each other in person again. Not to mention Kurda still didn't fully understand what Evanna meant. Although it would have been nice to have someone to discuss it with.</p><p>But Kurda also had to factor in that he was legally still in exile. Mika had been reeling from trauma when he asked Kurda to come back to Vampire Mountain - hardly in his right mind. The exile sentence had been a lateral decision amongst the Princes. It had been an unprecedented move, and if it was ever to be reversed or lifted, Kurda knew better than to think a decision like that could come from Mika alone.</p><p>Those were the thoughts that rattled around in Kurda's head for hours upon hours, day after day.</p><p>It had been seven days after Gracie's attack when Kurda stumbled into the city. At first he had no earthly idea where he was. And normally he had a very strong sense of direction, so for him to reach such disorientation was a testament to his mental exhaustion.</p><p>Something about this city looked vaguely familiar but he couldn't place it. An unsettling sense of déjà-vu washed over him as he walked. His feet moved on autopilot until he found himself on a quiet street full of dilapidated or completely abandoned buildings. His mind spun (even more than it already had been) as he tried to pinpoint why this particular place was triggering such an increasingly visceral reaction in his subconscious. The further he walked, the more his body tensed. He paused in front of the biggest building on the street and looked up at it. It was a grungy, ugly yellow brick building that clearly hadn't been used in years. It was coated in layers of graffiti and there was a ragged "for sale" sign on the window that had clearly been ignored for a long time. Most of the windows looked like they'd had rocks chucked through them, jagged shards of glass framed each one. A cold testament to how little of care this building was receiving - if it had ever been cared for at all.</p><p>And suddenly the realization crashed into Kurda like a freight train and he audibly gasped. He'd been here before.</p><p>
  <strong>TWENTY-FIVE YEARS AGO:</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>"This. Is. Terrible." Kurda gasped. You'd think he was looking at a battlefield, not into the window of an orphanage. He insisted on doing some recon before they dropped their precious package off, so here they were clinging to an ugly yellow wall 20 feet off the ground, shamelessly spying.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"It's rather dismal, isn't it?" Mika muttered. They were looking down into what appeared to be a play room, but there wasn't much play occurring. There were at least 50 kids, some looked to be in their teens. There were a few playpens along the walls, holding varying numbers of boys and girls around Grace's age. There weren't many toys or books, and the few they had looked grubby and outdated by at least a few decades. All of the children were poorly-dressed and had a suspiciously hungry look about them. Few were smiling. Even more depressed looked the handful of caretakers who drifted aimlessly around the room. The prince and the general exchanged a glance and released their grip on the wall, dropping silently into the snow. Grace let out a peal of laughter, an indication that she'd quite enjoyed the brief ride from her secure spot in Kurda's hood. And in that moment something passed between the two vampires, an unlikely combination of sympathy and responsibility.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"We aren't leaving her here." They spoke at the same time, in perfect synchronization.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>PRESENT DAY: </strong>
</p><p>This was the place where, for the first time, Mika and Kurda agreed on something. And it ended up changing the course of their lives. And ultimately taking the destiny of both clans right along with it.</p><p>It wasn't an accident when they took Gracie home, and it wasn't an accident that he'd stumbled back here. Now, of all times.</p><p>Destiny's one bad bitch.</p><p>Standing alone in the street at 5am, surrounded by litter and broken glass, Kurda dropped to his knees and sobbed until the rising sun threatened to sear his skin. He didn't have time to return to the wilderness before the sun rose any further, but it didn't matter. There was only one place he could imagine going next.</p><p>Before checking out the orphanage back then, Mika and Kurda had escaped the rising sun in a junky but cozy motel a few blocks away. Twenty-five years later, it looked exactly the same. Kurda couldn't be certain, but he thought the woman at the desk might've even been the same one who'd been on duty back then. He couldn't remember her name, but he remembered catching her in his arms after Mika deftly rendered her unconscious with a quick exhale. Seeing as Kurda had no money this time around, that was the approach he had to take. After gently laying the receptionist on the floor, Kurda checked himself in. She'd wake up a few hours later and think she fainted or something. He scanned the wall behind the desk on which an assortment of room keys were hung. And he exhaled a weak sob of laughter when he saw room 13 was currently vacant. The room where it all started.</p><p>As he walked in, he felt a rush of nostalgia on top of the already overpowering emotions. He couldn't believe he was in this city again, let alone this room.</p><p>Last time he stood here, he had no way of knowing that this was the first night of his new normal. It started as just another mission, a business trip with his notoriously difficult boss. And suddenly he found himself in this run-down room with aforementioned boss, and also an entire baby which neither of them were equipped to handle.</p><p>But gods, did they try. Mika fed Gracie Doritos from the vending machine while Kurda cringed and went across the street to steal some proper clothes and food. He wasn't proud of the stealing, but it wasn't difficult to justify. The little girl needed those items more than Wal-Mart needed another fifty bucks. He had more fun than he cared to admit, picking out some cute outfits before flitting out. He'd never forget the sight he walked in on when he got back. In his absence, Gracie had required a diaper change, which Mika had attempted to facilitate. His intentions were pure, but his execution was disastrous. He failed so spectacularly that he and Gracie both required full-body bubble baths. So when Kurda finally came back with the supplies, there they were. Mika, shellshocked and humbled, in the bath tub. Gracie, amused and delighted, in the sink. Both buried in soap bubbles up to their eyeballs.</p><p>If there was one moment throughout the past two and a half decades Kurda wished he could've had a photo, that would be it.</p><p>Kurda lay on the bed for almost an hour, eyes closed. Just breathing in the memories. Once again he almost reached out to Mika through their mental link, but stopped himself for two reasons. One: at this moment, Mika would be fully consumed by taking care of Gracie in the wake of last week's disaster. He didn't need this bittersweet reminder right now. Two: it was another thing Kurda was determined to tell him in person someday.</p><p>Instead, he turned on the TV. He knew he needed sleep, but first he needed to unwind. It never hurt to see what was going on in the human news.</p><p>It ended up changing everything.</p><p>One second, Kurda was lazily flipping through channels, remembering the way Mika silently cringed as Gracie watched The Wiggles. The next second, the screen was overtaken by a face he never thought he'd see again. Like a ghost from another life. And his heart dropped into his stomach.</p><p>Darren looked so much older now - clearly he'd reached the other side of vampiric puberty. But it wasn't just his physical features. He looked terrified and lost. Police on either side of him. Before Kurda even paused to wonder what the fuck Darren was doing on national television, he felt his heart break at the fear in the young man's eyes. With a shaking, sweating hand, Kurda hammered on the volume up button.</p><p>
  <em>"- might look harmless, but police are urging the public not to be taken in by his appearance. Darren Shan - or Darren Horston, as he is also known - is a teenager, but he consorts with brutal killers, and may be a killer himself."</em>
</p><p>Then a photo of Harkat joined Darren on the screen, followed in quick succession by disturbingly accurate drawings of Larten and Vancha.</p><p><em>"To repeat our incredible breaking story,"</em> said the newsreader. <em>"Four alleged members of the gang of killers known as the Vampires were cornered by the police this morning. One, Vancha March -"</em> the lines around the drawing of Vancha flashed <em>"- escaped, taking Chief Inspector Alice Burgess hostage. The other three were arrested and detained for questioning, but made a violent break for freedom less than twenty minutes ago, killing or seriously wounding an unspecified number of officers and nurses. They are considered armed and exceedingly dangerous. If spotted, they should not be approached. Instead, call one of the following numbers -"</em></p><p>Kurda wrote down everything. The name of the city, the numbers, the names, every last detail. Waiting for the sun to set was torture, but he had to stay in this room til then.</p><p>But as soon as he had the safety of night on his side, he left and didn't look back.</p><p>Where there'd been a major scuffle involving the Hunters, there'd be the Vampaneze Lord.</p><p>And where there was the Vampaneze Lord, there might, if he was lucky, be Shane Astor.</p><p>
  <em>  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>I'm in the de-details with the devil</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>So now the world can never get me on my level</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>I just gotta get you off the cage</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>I'm a young lover's rage</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Gonna need a spark to ignite</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>VAMPIRE MOUNTAIN</strong>
</p><p>Mika could tell when Gracie was finished reading Kurda's letter, because her eyes stopped moving. They remained fixed on the page, held by one trembling hand while the other covered her mouth in shock. There were silent tears slipping down both of her cheeks. Mika kept quiet; not wanting to prompt her for a response before she was ready to give one.</p><p>As much of a control freak as Mika was in his day-to-day life, that part of him had never extended to Gracie. It used to drive Kurda crazy, how Mika could be so assertive, almost aggressive, in his role within the clan, then pull a complete 180 and take such a hands-off approach to parenting. Not that he wanted Mika to boss her around like he did the clan, but Mika's reluctance to use <em>any</em> sort of discipline resulted in a bit of friction between him and Kurda in the early years. Kurda couldn't fathom why Mika seemed unable to strike a balance between the two extremes. Or why he - the pacifist - kept getting suckered into playing Bad Cop.</p><p>"<em>I'm not asking you be mean to her! But would it kill you to make her clean up her toys for once?"</em> Mika vividly remembered a frustrated Kurda chastising him one night, back when Gracie was still small. "<em>Since when can't you take charge of a situation? What's the problem here?"</em></p><p>Mika knew exactly what the problem was. It made sense in his head, it was just hard to explain out loud. He was a career warrior turned authoritarian ruler. But there was a dark side to that hard-earned glory: the inherent violence and the autocratic dominance that went hand-in-hand with Mika's chosen place in the world. He never had trouble accepting that for himself. For better or worse, it was the vampire way.</p><p>Then this fragile, defenceless orphan appeared in his life and it wasn't enough for him to simply dilute the controlling tendencies that were hardwired into his brain, or the disciplinary tactics that were required of a Prince. When the title of "Gracie's Dad" became the other half of his identity, his instinct was to put as much distance between his two roles as he possibly could. Because he couldn't stomach the thought of Gracie seeing him as anything but a safe place, not even for a second.</p><p>He knew it was an irrational mindset. He knew he was more than capable of finding a balance where he could gently lay down the law as needed without tarnishing their relationship. Much stupider people than Mika Ver Leth had raised healthy, well-adjusted children, after all. Sometimes he thought he should be firmer - then she'd look up at him with this big blue eyes and any semblance of discipline was chucked unceremoniously the window. It was her world, he was just living in it.</p><p>Back in the present, Mika watched Gracie's face intently as she read over Kurda's letter, just as Mika had done less than an hour ago. He could tell by the expressions that flashed across her face what parts she was at. Mika had read the letter three times, and that was all he needed to commit it to memory. Every last word. Every neatly dotted "i" and deftly crossed "t". Mika had tidy handwriting himself, but Kurda's had always been on another level entirely. It could practically pass for professional calligraphy. If his normally steady cartographer's hand had been shaking (and surely it had to be) while it penned those last all-telling words, there was no trace of it on the page.</p><p>Eventually, her watery gaze shifted from the letter, and she looked Mika dead in the eye, looking as stunned as the day it happened. He cautiously reached out and gently wiped a tear from her face with his thumb.</p><p>"Why didn't he tell you about this once his plan failed?" She croaked out, voice hitching. As she spoke, Mika could tell her guard was still very much up. Even more than his own.</p><p>"I don't know." Said Mika quietly. "I've been asking myself that, but I can't say for sure."</p><p>"I don't understand how he could hide this for seven years. I laid awake so many nights trying to figure out why he stopped loving us. And I know it wasn't that simple... but that's how it felt."</p><p>"Trust me, I did the same. I think he hid it because he knew he'd never be able to come back from what happened." Mika offered slowly. "Whether his plan succeeded or not, he didn't expect to survive. But then he was sentenced to exile. And I think he wanted us to have closure, as if he died."</p><p>"That's a really shitty reason." She replied bitterly.</p><p>"You're not wrong." Said Mika. "I don't know for sure if that's the case, I'd like to ask him someday. But that's my theory - that he thought it would be easier to move on if we believed he did something unforgivable."</p><p>Gracie looked down at the letter again contemplatively. She blinked rapidly, her face darkened by bitterness.</p><p>"But you forgave him anyway, didn't you?" She asked. There was a chilly shrewdness in her voice that Mika recognized as his own influence. He sighed.</p><p>"Knowing what he was prepared to give up in an effort to unite the clans before it was too late, I feel like I had no choice but to forgive him. At least, for what he did to me." Said Mika, his voice no longer steady as it began shaking just as hers had. "But mostly I struggled with knowing his plan would've ultimately left you alone in the world, if he'd succeeded. That's the part I could never forgive him for."</p><p>Mika didn't want to know how many hours of sleep he'd lost coming to that acceptance.</p><p>"And now after all of that, we find out he had a failsafe in place the entire time. For both of us." Said Gracie wearily. "Why now? What the fuck are we even supposed to do with that information?" The venom in her voice had disappeared just as quickly as it appeared. Now she just looked as dazed as Mika still felt.</p><p>"I don't know." He replied. Truer words had never been spoken. "But I'm open to suggestions."</p><p>She was quiet for a minute or two.</p><p>"Do you ever feel like just going outside and screaming for a while?" She said at last.</p><p>"Constantly." Mika deadpanned. Also a true statement.</p><p>"We could try that."</p><p>"Lead the way."</p><p>
  <em> <strong>My songs know what you did in the dark</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>So light 'em up, up, up</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Light 'em up, up, up</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Light 'em up, up, up</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>I'm on fire</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>BUTTFUCK NOWHERE</strong>
</p><p>"I knew I smelled vampire." Said Shane bluntly as Kurda approached. But he didn't turn around. There was a measured, purposeful calmness in his voice that reminded Kurda of Mika. "Evanna told me to expect company, but she neglected to specify which clan."</p><p>"Are you Shane Astor?" Kurda replied guardedly.</p><p>"I'd hazard a guess you already know the answer to that." Said Shane. He slowly turned to face Kurda. He was taller than Kurda, built much like Arrow. His face was marred by worry lines and his deep-set eyes had a weariness about them. That alone confirmed what Evanna had implied. This man was exhausted, devastated, and broken inside. And Kurda knew immediately Shane wanted the war to end as much as Kurda did.</p><p>"It's good to meet you, Shane." Said Kurda carefully, feeling it was best to take a straightforward approach. "My name is -"</p><p>"Kurda Smahlt. I wasn't born yesterday. She may not have told me who was coming, but any other vampire would have attacked me long before now." Shane retorted. Although not angrily.</p><p>"Right you are." Said Kurda lightly. "How do you know who I am?"</p><p>"Everyone knows who you are." Shane huffed. "Your notoriety amongst my clan is renowned. And I can only assume it's the same for yours."</p><p>"I suppose I did cause a bit of a stir, didn't I?" Kurda answered. He offered a small smile, which Shane did not return. That was alright. This wasn't Kurda's first negotiation. He'd breezed through tricky conversations with both vampires and vampaneze. He'd also dated Mika Ver Leth. He knew exactly what he was doing.</p><p>"That's an understatement. Whenever your name is spoken within the vampaneze clan, it's never not attached to a strong opinion."</p><p>"I can just imagine." Said Kurda evenly. He punctuated this with a soft sigh. "Almost forty courageous men were slaughtered in the tunnels of Vampire Mountain because of my failure. I'm pleasantly surprised you aren't trying to slit my throat, if we're being honest."</p><p>"It's true that the cost of your attempt, and your ultimate failure won't soon be forgotten." Said Shane. And it wasn't lost on Kurda that he was speaking in the same deliberate cadence that Kurda was. "It's also true that there's no small amount of vampaneze AND vampires who'd do a lot worse than slit your throat if they had the opportunity."</p><p>"Then I guess I should count myself lucky that you aren't among that group."</p><p>"Not so fast, Smahlt. I'm on the fence." Shane replied, his voice suddenly gruff. "There are also more than a few vampaneze who hail you as a hero, who claim your story will serve as an inspiration for generations to come. I may not stand with those who'd kill you on sight, but you're not going to get any of that hero-worship from me."</p><p>"You're in luck. Hero-worship has never appealed to me. The only reason I ever aimed for an investiture was to fulfill my goal of uniting the clans." Said Kurda.</p><p>"Why have you sought me out?"</p><p>Kurda paused, but only for a second. Complete honesty was the only possible course of action here.</p><p>"I've spoken with Evanna, the Lady of the Shades." He said simply. "I reached a point where I could no longer sit powerless as both clans tear themselves to pieces. I sought her out. She told me about you and the Last Stand. So here I am. That's the truth."</p><p>"You've broken the terms of your exile sentence." Said Shane warily. "By discussing the war with the Lady of the Shades, and by having this conversation with me. If word of your interference gets back to your Princes, they'll have you hunted down and killed. Not that I care, but why the sudden shift?"</p><p>Kurda laughed hoarsely.</p><p>"The Vampaneze Lord ordered an attack on my adopted human daughter in an effort to manipulate my ex-partner, Sire Mika Ver Leth -"</p><p>"I heard whispers about that." Shane interrupted with no small amount of disdain. His nose wrinkled as though the idea of it disgusted him. "I don't think much of Ver Leth, nor do I care for your clan's hierarchical structure. But you and I both know that no true vampaneze would take such a cowardly shot at a Prince. In a bid to access the Stone of Blood, no less. It would be one thing to seek him out and offer an honourable combat challenge. But there was no honour in that plot. It was unprecedented." Then Shane lowered his voice as though the Vampaneze Lord himself might be listening from the treetops. "Not to mention the Vampaneze Lord himself couldn't even be arsed to carry out the slaughter of the human man. He pawned it off on his mercenaries. I was glad to hear it was foiled."</p><p>"I was glad to have a hand in foiling it." Kurda responded coolly. "Interestingly enough, I had a similar conversation with one of the mercenaries - shortly before I dispatched him honourably. He was already dying, but he had some intriguing words for me. So I allowed him the noble end he wanted."</p><p>"Who was he?"</p><p>"Marcel Cage."</p><p>Shane closed his eyes and exhaled slowly.</p><p>"You knew him?" Kurda inquired.</p><p>"Knew him? I blooded him." Shane muttered. There was a distinct bitterness, evident in his tone and his eyes. "Marcel was as honourable a vampaneze as any. But he was scared. When I asked him to quietly retreat from the clan with me, he refused. He felt he was fulfilling his duty to the Vampaneze Lord by staying. While I felt I was upholding the true values of the vampaneze clan by leaving. I don't know which of us was right. I knew he died; I felt his mental presence fade. Thank you for giving him an honourable death despite his role in your daughter's attack."</p><p>"Like I said, he earned it with what he told me." Said Kurda darkly. "Wasn't a lot, but it spoke volumes. It planted the seed in my mind that this might actually be possible. And my conversation with Evanna only reinforced it."</p><p>"And what seed did he plant in your mind, Kurda Smahlt?"</p><p>"Let's hunt some food and build a fire. I'll tell you."</p><p>
  <em> <strong>All the writers keep writing what they write</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Somewhere another pretty vein just dies</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>I've got the scars from tomorrow and I wish you could see</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>That you're the antidote to everything except for me, me</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>VAMPIRE MOUNTAIN</strong>
</p><p>The premeditated screaming-into-the-void helped. It helped a lot. Next time Mika was confronted with some whiny General with a list of complaints, his response would be, "<em>Have you tried screaming about it? Just go outside and yell for a while. If you're still mad after that, then you can bother me." </em></p><p>"We used to do that during exam week at school. It's like free therapy." Gracie explained with a faint grin once they were all screamed out. They retired to a sheltered outcropping of rock near the base of the mountain, where they sat side-by-side looking up at the stars. It was almost summer, which was still cold as shit for Vampire Mountain, but perfectly fine for a quick outing.</p><p>"Surprisingly effective." Mika commented wryly. "I can think of much worse coping mechanisms."</p><p>'<em>I've personally utilized much worse coping mechanisms' </em>would have been a more accurate statement. But if Mika knew one thing for sure, it was where to draw the line between things Gracie was allowed to know about him, and the secrets he'd take to the grave.</p><p>"It's better with cheap wine or White Claws, but it gets the job done either way. My campus used to have therapy dog hours in the library too, during exams." Gracie reminisced. "That was nice."</p><p>"I could probably find some wolves around, if you want. And you know I know where the alcohol is." Mika offered, half-joking.</p><p>"Remember when you took me outside to pet the wolves when I was little?" Said Gracie.</p><p>"Of course. You were so excited. You loved them, and you weren't scared at all." Said Mika, smiling at the memory.</p><p>"Remember how you told me it was our little secret and I couldn't tell Kurda?"</p><p>Mika grimaced, but there was a smile in there.</p><p>"Because he specifically told me not to let you near the wolves. He thought they'd eat you or give you rabies, or fleas or something. But I knew it would be fine, and I wanted you to be adventurous." Mika explained ruefully. "He found out years later, though. He was so pissed at me."</p><p>"Why go behind his back when you outranked him?"</p><p>"Ranks and titles had no place in our attempt at giving you a family. As far as you were concerned, Kurda and I had to see each other as equals in order to make it work." Mika explained.</p><p>"Bet you loved that." She snorted. Mika exhaled a light breath of laughter as well.</p><p>"It was an adjustment, but it was refreshing once I got used to it. Not like Kurda really listened to me in the first place. I think that's what I liked about him. Even long before I liked him... I still respected him."</p><p>"Is he ever going to come back to Vampire Mountain?" Gracie inquired. She sounded serious again, and she was looking up at Mika in a way that made it clear the question was not rhetorical. She genuinely wanted to know Mika's take.</p><p>Mika felt his stomach drop at the mere notion of one day seeing Kurda walking those halls again. Part of him knew it wouldn't happen in this lifetime. But until a few days ago, he also "knew" Kurda set out to kill him once. So Mika supposed what he *thought* he knew didn't amount to all that much.</p><p>"Depends on a lot of things. It would involve rescinding his exile sentence, and that decision would have to be made unanimously by all of the Princes." Mika replied at last. He knew it was an extremely diplomatic answer. Normally he spoke more candidly to his daughter but he didn't know how else to phrase it. "And I don't picture it going to a vote anytime soon, unless there's a major shift in circumstances." He added.</p><p>She frowned, looked pensive.</p><p>"Like what?"</p><p>"He'd have to redeem his honour in the eyes of the clan as a whole, or at least the majority. And I don't know if that's possible. Not every vampire sees the gray area of what he did. Many still call him a traitor."</p><p>It was true. Mika remembered every single time over the past seven years where he'd overheard someone throwing dirt on Kurda's name and had to restrain himself from throwing them through a wall. But regardless of motive, Kurda was still technically a traitor for all intents and purposes. And Mika was more than a little conflicted by how hard he had to work to keep his mouth shut when he heard that word thrown around. Makes perfect sense, right?</p><p>But apparently it did to Gracie.</p><p>"If you and I can forgive him for ruining our lives, then the others can pull the sticks out of their asses and accept that he was trying to take one for the team." She remarked icily. And Mika couldn't help but let out a genuine laugh at her earnest bluntness.</p><p>"I know everyone says you're just like me." Mika chuckled. "And they're not wrong. But you have just as much of him, and I see more of it every day."</p><p>The jaded skepticism disappeared from her face in an instant. Suddenly she looked like the bewildered kid she'd been before the war started.</p><p>"Really?"</p><p>"I think I'd know better than anyone." Said Mika, the weary smile having not yet faded from his face. Because the more he thought about it, the truer it was. "Everyone always assumed I was the tough one. I was a warrior. He was a pacifist. Enough said. But Kurda was tough in ways nobody else understood, not even me. Then we adopted you, and I got to really know him - completely against my will, at first."</p><p>"I wish I'd been old enough to remember the early years." Said Gracie, grinning. "Bet you two were hilarious."</p><p>"So we were told. He used to drive me crazy... but eventually I started looking past all the things that the rest of the clan looked down on. He just had this quiet strength about him. He was unapologetically true to himself. I'd never seen anything like it - until you got older. Now I see it in you. The way you handle everything life throws at you." Said Mika.</p><p>"I got my strength from you." Gracie interjected reproachfully. "You're the one who's been there for me since he turned, while still holding the clan together. You're the strongest person I know."</p><p>Mika shook his head.</p><p>"Not in the same way Kurda is. I love the clan and I'm honoured to have the responsibilities that come with being a Prince. But I won't sit here and tell you that personal success wasn't my main motivation when I started out. Because it was." Mika admitted.</p><p>"What do you mean? You're a great Prince, Dad. You might even be my favourite."</p><p>"Thanks, honey. I'm a good Prince, but I'm not <em>great</em>. I keep things running smoothly but I never wanted to change the status quo. Kurda, on the other hand... Kurda would've been a great Prince if things had been different. He was never in it for himself. He wanted change, not power. Do you see the difference?"</p><p>"I think so."</p><p>"And it's no coincidence that you chose to be a lawyer." Mika added. It was all so clear in his head. He felt his eyes dampen a little, but not from pain. "I used to think it was because you were competitive like me. Stop me if I'm wrong, but now I think it was because you wanted to do good things. Like Kurda."</p><p>Gracie stayed quiet for a long time.</p><p>"Gracie, I want to ask you something." Mika asked at last. "And no matter what you think I want to hear, I need you to be honest."</p><p>"Fire away."</p><p>"Do you wish we'd just left you at the orphanage?"</p><p>Pause. Deep breaths on both sides, turning into fog in the cold night air.</p><p>"There's no easy answer to that, Dad."</p><p>"I figured as much. That's okay."</p><p>A contemplative silence hung between them. As chilly as the air was, the rare lack of wind made for a peaceful ambience. Somewhere in the distance, a wolf howled.</p><p>"Last year I worked a case for a girl who was taking legal action against one of her former foster parents." Gracie spoke up at last. "She went through every kind of abuse you can imagine. At multiple different homes, but she could only afford to go after the worst one. We won the case, but no amount of money can change what happened to her. She was my age... she started out as an orphan like me, and her life almost ended before it began. And she's not the only one to live that. Not even close."</p><p>Mika had to take a few deep breaths before responding. He'd never been one to flinch at a secondhand sob story about someone he'd never met. But it didn't take a genius to figure out why this one hit him a little too close to home.</p><p>"We spent about a day in the city where we almost left you... Kurda and I. Nothing felt right. We both knew it. It was a rough place. Drugs, gangs, human trafficking." Mika recounted slowly. He could still remember the day as clearly as if it was yesterday. All of it - not just the motel shenanigans he held close to his heart all these years later. He remembered the dark shit too. The used needles scattered on the ground, the hateful graffiti on every corner, the acrid stench of the factory that loomed over the entire place. He remembered glancing at Kurda out of the corner of his eye as they looked for the orphanage, seeing him clutch Gracie a little tighter against his chest as they walked.</p><p>"We climbed up a brick wall to see what you'd be living with." He added. "It was one of the saddest things I've ever seen. The kids looked miserable and the staff looked half-dead. As I said to Paris afterwards, I wouldn't even have left a tarantula in there."</p><p>Gracie arched an eyebrow and managed a wry smile, even though she looked more troubled than anything else.</p><p>"Coming from you, that says a lot. But there's no point in asking ourselves 'what if'. Maybe I would've ended up with a nice family with a warm house and enough food. Or maybe I would've ended up just like that girl. Or worse."</p><p>Mika's throat burned at the very notion of it. He ran his hand through his hair wearily.</p><p>"That's what Kurda and I were afraid of." He said. "All we knew for sure was that we had the power to keep you safe. We knew your life with us wouldn't be perfect or normal. And maybe it was the wrong choice, but even back then we couldn't consider the alternative." To speak had become a near-impossible struggle and by the time he got to the end, Mika had to fight to get the words out. "Did we make the wrong choice?"</p><p>Gracie sighed and leaned tiredly into his shoulder. She was shivering ever so slightly, so Mika carefully adjusted his thick, fur-lined cloak so it was covering both of them.</p><p>"I loved my life with you. You gave me the best of both worlds, and I know it wasn't easy. Yeah, sometimes I wished I grew up in a normal house with a human family." Gracie told him at last. Her voice was small but determined. "But there was no way to guarantee it. So if I had to choose between taking that chance, or knowing I'd be safe with you... I'd choose you every time."</p><p>"You're the best thing that ever happened to me, second to nothing. Never forget that." Mika whispered. "But if I had the choice to go back in time and find some magic solution where you had a home who loved you like we did, without you ever having to be involved with the vampire clan..." He felt his voice break just a little bit. "...then I'd choose that."</p><p>Gracie looked up sharply so she could fix Mika with a curious and mildly calculating gaze.</p><p>"I'm glad I know about the clan. I don't know if I've ever told you that, but it's true." She said seriously. "I know it isn't perfect. I'd even go so far as to say some of the traditions are a little fucked up, if we're being honest."</p><p>"Fair enough." said Mika.</p><p>"But I don't want to live in a world where I don't know about this place. And even though I found a place in the human world where I felt like I belonged, even at the best of times I still didn't feel the connection I feel when I'm here. And I know the idea of me joining the clan scares you. But the idea of going through all of this, just to <em>maybe</em> have a "normal" life and a "normal" job in some city again, when I know there's so much more to the world? <em>That </em>scares me."</p><p>Mika took a deep breath, and it shuddered on its way out.</p><p>"I understand that. Honestly, I do." He told her. "You think I don't want to have you in my life for hundreds of years, instead of six or seven decades?"</p><p>Gracie exhaled in frustration, her eyes gleaming with sudden irritation. And when she spoke again, her voice was strained.</p><p>"So then what's the problem? When Kurda used to talk about how he was completely against me joining the clan... it felt like he didn't love me as much as you did."</p><p>"That's not true, Gracie."</p><p>"I know it's not. But that's how it felt."</p><p>Mika ran his hand through his hair slowly.</p><p>"I hear you. I saw it from both sides. But I never wanted to make you feel like that. The war changed so much... but back then, allowing you the option to choose your path was more important than what I personally wanted for you. On the condition -"</p><p>"That I waited until I was grown up and knew more about the clan, beyond my sheltered life in the mountain, I know." She chuckled ruefully. "You add the same disclaimer every time. Got it all locked away up here." She tapped her forehead for emphasis.</p><p>"I don't want you to forget." Mika shrugged. "Especially now that we've put Darren through all that, it'd look pretty bad on me if I went and gave my own kid a free pass."</p><p>"It's okay. I get it. And I don't blame you for sheltering me all my life. You did such a good job, too. I've felt more unsafe at a McDonald's in the suburbs than I ever did in Vampire Mountain." She added, punctuating it with a dark laugh. Then she continued: "But I'm not as naive as you think I am. I see the parts of the clan you love, but I see the dark side too. I see what Kurda believed could be changed for the better."</p><p>"I'm more proud of you than you could possibly imagine. You have the best of both of us." Said Mika softly. "You always have."</p><p>"And I used to think that was destiny preparing me to be a great lawyer. But maybe I was meant to be a great vampire instead."</p><p>Mika fixed his gaze straight ahead and focused intensely on a scraggly pine tree a hundred feet away. Because if he didn't put one million percent of his energy into keeping it together, things would get ugly awfully quickly. He was acutely aware that he spent more time crying in the last seven years than he had in the entire 270 that preceded them. But he was <em>not</em> going to break down in front of his daughter, gods fucking damn it.</p><p>He knew Gracie was intuitive enough to pick up on the fact that his silence was indicative of a major internal struggle taking place, and she rested her head on his shoulder like she used to when she was small. And there they sat, in their own little world, where the only sound was the rustling trees and wolves calling to each other in the distance.</p><p>"Gracie, if it's what you want, I'm willing to have a real conversation about blooding you. I wasn't ready when you brought it up the other night. I shut down and didn't listen to you. I handled it poorly." Mika forced out at last. And it took all his strength to produce that statement because he knew he was finally opening a door he'd always hoped would stay shut, against all odds.</p><p>Gracie sighed, leaned forward and buried her face in her hands for a moment. When she looked back up at Mika, her expression was one of regret. And he knew she knew exactly how much her words had hurt him when they had that fight - not that he felt he deserved any semblance of an apology.</p><p>"To be fair, I kind of attacked you." Said Gracie. "You didn't deserve that."</p><p>"Nothing you said was wrong." Said Mika firmly. "Some of it was a little harsh, but under the circumstances... it was justified. And I needed to hear it."</p><p>"I really have put a lot of thought into all of this. But if you truly don't want to blood me into the clan, I understand. And I won't hold it against you. I can't. For all intents and purposes, you're the only family I have. And I can't lose you too." Said Gracie, her voice shaking slightly again. "But I know this is where I belong. You have to trust me."</p><p>Mika took another long, deep breath. Stared back at the tree for a few minutes.</p><p>In his mind, he travelled back in time to a quarter-century ago. Specifically, the first week Gracie spent in Vampire Mountain. She spent the majority of her time in Kurda's arms that week. Mika didn't tell Kurda (they wouldn't be on that level for a long time yet) but the truth was that he was scared to death over the fact that suddenly he was responsible for an entire baby. He didn't think his rough, battle-scarred, man-slaying hands had any business holding something that innocent and fragile. So that entire first week, he kept himself purposefully busy. He checked in with Kurda often, making sure Gracie had everything she needed, but keeping a wary distance himself. But the more he thought about it, the more he was certain that Kurda knew exactly why that was. Maybe that was why Kurda purposely rearranged his schedule on the seventh day so Mika had no choice but to spend an entire day on solo baby duty.</p><p>Mika remembered how his heart pounded the first time he picked her up while she was crying. The next moment, as he gingerly cradled her against his chest and by some cosmic mixup, <em>she actually stopped crying.</em> Then she snuggled her little face into his body, and simply went to sleep as though all was right in the world. It wasn't the first time Mika had picked her up since their paths crossed, but it was the first time he truly <em>held</em> her.</p><p>Twenty-five years later and it still felt like it was yesterday. It was the first of many moments where Mika thought to himself, <em>This is my life now. I can handle it. This is us. </em>And that mantra ended up being his greatest source of comfort in the years that would follow. From the highest highs, to lower lows than he could've imagined, he always had that moment in the back of his mind.</p><p>Even now.</p><p>Back in the present, he closed his eyes and inhaled a deep breath of crisp night air.</p><p>
  <em>This is my life now. I can handle it. This is us.</em>
</p><p>Exhale.</p><p>And then he told her everything about the clan he could think of. The good, the bad, and the ugly. The parts he was proud of, and the parts he wasn't. Every last law, rule, tradition, limitation, and significant historical event. Every biological component and side-effect that came with the transmission of vampiric blood. Everything. She took it all in, asked countless questions, and he didn't spare a single detail when he answered them. By the time he couldn't think of anything else to add, the sun was starting to rise.</p><p>"We should head in." Said Gracie, yawning. They'd both been up for over 24 hours now. "Don't want you to get burned."</p><p>"It doesn't happen right away." Mika replied, voice hoarse from talking so much. But he smiled and rolled up his sleeve to expose his forearm. "I'll show you. If you're going to deal with these things someday, you might as well see how it works."</p><p>
  <em> <strong>A constellation of tears on your lashes</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Burn everything you love, then burn the ashes</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>In the end everything collides</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>My childhood spat back out the monster that you see</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>BACK IN THE CITY</strong>
</p><p>They called it the Cavern of Retribution. The name was an invention of the Vampaneze Lord himself, apparently.</p><p>Talk about a flair for the dramatic.</p><p>It was supposed to be impenetrable; a master feat of engineering and intuition.</p><p>Shane had limited information about the cavern itself. That was where Kurda came in. After spending a day and a half discussing their options, Shane and Kurda parted ways. Shane flitted around the country to spread the word amongst the other known members of the elusive Last Stand.</p><p>They were walking a razor's edge, both of them. If the Vampaneze Lord caught wind of Shane's agenda, he'd be killed along with anyone else he was found to be coordinating with.</p><p>But Kurda couldn't afford to worry about his new ally. He memorized the small amount of information Shane provided him, then quickly set to work. In the dead of night he broke into City Hall, and stole as many blueprints for the city's underground tunnel system as he could find. It wasn't quick or easy work. It took him hours, and he wasn't entirely sure if he'd know when he found what he was looking for.</p><p>And when he did find it, he didn't for one second labour under the delusion that it was a lucky accident. But it was what he needed, so he didn't question it.</p><p>He camped out in the woods on the outskirts of town when the sun rose, his stomach chewing itself from the inside-out as he wondered what Larten, Darren, Harkat, and Vancha were doing, if they were alright. He hadn't seen Vancha since the near-fatal mission prior to his own investiture nomination. And he hadn't seen the other three since his trial. He'd never forget the look on the boy's face when he came bursting into the hall that day, undoing everything Kurda had worked so hard to set into motion.</p><p>And the most fucked up part of that was how <em>proud</em> Kurda was of Darren in that moment. Now, when he wasn't thinking about Gracie or Mika, he thought of Darren. He spent years wondering if the boy had been spared execution and prayed he had. Then Mika showed up and told him that scrappy kid with a heart of gold three sizes too big had taken the spare throne originally meant for Kurda.</p><p>It had almost been a year since Mika's unexpected visit to the seaside cabin Kurda called home. It would most assuredly go without saying that Kurda spent weeks unpacking the emotional baggage Mika unloaded on him that night. Every conversation they'd had was fraught with a thousand layers of complexity. They'd gone deep, and yet somehow Kurda felt they hadn't even scratched the surface of everything he'd missed while the entire clan pretended he was dead. While Kurda himself pretended he was dead.</p><p>Kurda thought about Gracie more than anything else after that. Agonized yet again over the turmoil he'd caused her, and then he'd go back and re-read her letter and break down crying out of sheer shock that she didn't completely hate his guts.</p><p>He thought about Mika almost constantly. Although he didn't worry about Mika the way he did about Gracie; the guilt was just as crippling. The way Mika's eyes glazed over and went cold when he saw Kurda looking at the old scars on his arms. Scars he could've healed easily, and didn't. That's what haunted Kurda the most - the visceral reminder of what his betrayal had done. He came so close to telling him about the letter in that moment. Mika's physical scars were a living metaphor for the ones Kurda had left on the clan as a whole.</p><p>Kurda acted for the greater good when he made those plans years ago. He was prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice with no personal gain.</p><p>He also left a knife in the back of the people he loved most. The people who trusted him.</p><p>It took a long time to accept that both of those things could be true. That nothing would ever again be as it was before, and for better or worse, that was on him.</p><p>But maybe it could be different.</p><p>
  <em>KS: You awake?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: I'm always awake. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: How's she doing?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: She's going to be okay. We had a good talk today.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: And are you going to be okay?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: I don't know. You tell me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: You don't need me to tell you that. You never have.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: I know. It was nice, though.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: Fine - you'll be okay. Did that help?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: It did, actually.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: Listen, I don't have much time. But I have to know... did you read the letter yet? Yes or no?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Kurda, if you think I'm even going to attempt to unpack that through telepathy, give your head a shake. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: Yes or no, Mika...</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Yes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: Good. That's all I wanted to know.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: I know I shouldn't have asked you to come back to the mountain. It was a moment of weakness, and you were right to refuse -</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: I know. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: - but we need to have a legitimate face-to-face conversation. You, me, and Gracie. We can come to you, but it has to happen.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: I'd love that. But right now, I have to go. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Where? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Silence. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Kurda, where do you have to go?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: I'll see you soon. I meant every word of that letter when I wrote it seven years ago, and I mean it now. Don't you ever forget it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: As if I could. Are you okay?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: If you and Gracie are both okay... then I'm better than I've been in a long time. I'll talk to you in a few days.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: What are you not telling me? Last time you withheld major information, it ended really fucking badly. Remember that?!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: Do you trust me?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: I never stopped. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: I'll see you soon. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>My songs know what you did in the dark</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>So light 'em up, up, up</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Light 'em up, up, up</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Light 'em up, up, up</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>I'm on fire</strong></em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>UNDISCLOSED LOCATION </strong>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>(Meeting In Progress. Do not disturb.)</strong> </em>
</p><p>"<strong>You were bold to attempt to take the Stone of Blood. That was never part of the prophecy, Stephen." </strong></p><p>"It would have worked! My men had him in their hands -"</p><p>"<strong>Yes, it would have worked if not for the fact that it was a massive failure. You got greedy, you deviated from your target, and you paid with six high-quality soldiers! But I didn't come here to scold you. I'm not your father -"</strong></p><p>"Wink at me one more time, you fucking creep."</p><p>"<strong>Very well, you nasty, uncivilized brat. I'd strike you worse than dead if you didn't make for such grand entertainment! Anyhow, I happen to know my daughter has been stacking the deck against me."</strong></p><p>"She favours the vampires?"</p><p>"<strong>No. She favours peace. I'm disappointed in her. And just for the record, I don't favour the vampaneze myself. I favour chaos. Life's more fun that way, don't you think?"</strong></p><p>"Why are you telling me this?"</p><p>"<strong>You can still see your plan through. Your passion project, your Cavern of Retribution is diabolically impressive, even to me. But I'm here to remind you that nothing is set in stone. No matter how hard you fight, no victory is ever guaranteed."</strong></p><p>"So, what? My plan will fail?"</p><p>"<strong>Hard to know when it hasn't happened yet! I suppose we'll find out, won't we? Now, don't plan to fail, or you will fail. But be flexible about your methods. Stick to your plan - you always shone more brightly than young Darren where foresight was concerned! But if you get an opportunity to go where no vampaneze has gone before, I suggest you take it."</strong></p><p>"And what the fuck does that even mean?"</p><p>"<strong>Your ambition goes beyond crushing the vampire clan. You want to add insult to injury. You want the Stone of Blood. High risk, high reward. You made an attempt on it already. It means if you want something done right... you should do it yourself."</strong></p><p>"What about the prophecy?"</p><p>"<strong>It all hinged on Kurda Smahlt's plan failing seven years ago. Fail he did, but he also survived. The odds on that combination were so unlikely I didn't even consider them. That was silly of me, wasn't it?"</strong></p><p>"Say what you mean! Enough riddles! I don't have time for this."</p><p>"<strong>You're a rude boy. Has anyone ever told you that, Stephen?"</strong></p><p>"No. They always called me much worse than that."</p><p>"<strong>How unfortunate. Now, back to Smahlt. His exile sentence meant he was dead in the clan's eyes. And you know how stubborn those vampires are! Surely his symbolic death would serve the same purpose as a literal one. But perhaps those vampires are getting soft. The Princes hold all the power in that clan and even if they can't all admit it yet, every single one of them would pardon Smahlt if given the opportunity."</strong></p><p>"And how can you be sure of that?"</p><p>"<strong>Because I'm a people person! Kurda's odds at redemption grow shorter with every passing day. If the Princes pardon him, and I mean formally pardon him for the world to see, the clan will have no choice but to accept him back into their ranks. If that ever happens, it will jeopardize everything you've worked for. Pretending he doesn't exist won't help us."</strong></p><p>"Us? Pardon the fuck out of you?"</p><p>"<strong>Language, Stephen!"</strong></p><p>"My apologies... Desmond. I stepped out of line."</p><p>"<strong>There. Was that really so difficult? Manners matter, you know!"</strong></p><p>"Will you please tell me what I'm supposed to do with this information?"</p><p>"<strong>Dear boy, what do you think I've been doing for the past five minutes? Good luck! Not that teamwork is your strong suit, but may the best team win!"</strong></p><p>
  <em> <strong>My songs know what you did in the dark</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>(My songs know what you did in the dark)</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>So light 'em up, up, up</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Light 'em up, up, up</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Light 'em up, up, up</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>I'm on fire</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>In the dark, dark</strong> </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>There it is, kids. Hope that was worth the almost-month it's been since I last updated. I've mentioned it a few times, but this story is reaching a very critical point, so I have to take my time and think carefully in order to bring it to a satisfying conclusion.</p><p>Notes:</p><p>1) Room 13 in the motel, where it all started, was a tribute to the fact that the second chapter of This Is Us (which takes place in the motel) were originally written and posted in 2013 before I ghosted. And if that wasn't corny enough, Kurda sitting in that room with those memories was a direct nod to how my mind went back to the motel chapter of This Is Us to get some perspective while I was roadblocked with this story.</p><p>2) I may very well have butchered both Evanna and Tiny, but this works for what I'm doing so just go with it. If you still think I'm here to comply with canon after 70 chapters of this nonsense then I don't know what to tell you.</p><p>3) I've never written Steve before, but dipping my toe in here was fun. He'll appear again (duh) and I'll try my best to do him justice for all his stans in the audience.</p><p>4) My writing app recorded that I spent 11 hours total on this chapter. It takes less than one minute to leave a comment.</p><p>Thank you for being so patient with me! I hope this wasn't a massive letdown! Please tell me what you thought, I'm dying to know if anyone predicted any of this.</p><p>Cheers!</p><p>Roxy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Red Sky Morning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Once it's started, there's no turning back, But I'll be with you when the sun turns black<br/>'Cause finding faith will always be the hardest, While you're standing in the heart of darkness</p><p>***</p><p>Who would win: an omnipotent deity's prophecy, a viciously devious apex predator, or one Pacifist Barbie who legally isn't even supposed to be here? The answer may surprise you. Presenting: The Cavern of Retribution (Kurda's Version).  </p><p>(yes that was a TS reference thank you for noticing)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm back, guys. After the longest Bloodline hiatus yet, I AM BACK! With a THIRTY PAGE CHAPTER! I don't normally use a word processor with a page counter but I plopped it in Google Docs for last-minute formatting and holy shit.</p><p>As usual, THANK YOU to every single beautiful soul who took the precious time to leave some feedback on the last chapter. You're all saints and I appreciate it more than I can explain. Y'all had a LOT of feelings about chapter 21 and I am here for ALL OF IT!</p><p>My two biggest takeaways: you guys loved Mika and Gracie having a y'all mind if I scream? moment in the name of self-care. (Haven't we all been there?) And you REALLY loved Des calling Stephen by his proper name to his great chagrin. Almost every single commented specifically mentioned one if not both of those parts. I loved those moments too, so I'm glad they hit home for everyone else.</p><p>Okay… about this chapter. If you follow me on Tumblr or are a member of my Discord server you'll have heard me complain about This Fucking Chapter at least a million times a week. It was absolutely hands-down the hardest thing I've ever had to write. This one cost me more sanity than you know. And not even from an emotional standpoint. I'm simply exhausted from the amounts of planning, organizing, and re-reading of the last section of book 9 that I've had to do to put all this together. There are some parts of the source material that I have pasted in directly and left as-is, while adding my own content around it. That's right folks, we're diving headfirst into the Cavern of Retribution here today. It's choppy and kind of all-over-the-place. I'm aware. I'm chalking it up to dramatic effect and moving on with my life because I crave the release of dopamine I'll feel upon hitting "post chapter" and finally being free from this. I'm also playing kind of fast and loose with all the prophecy shit but let me tell you I did NOT come this far for Desmond Tiny to tell me what I can and can't do in my fic that has no rules.</p><p>One more thing to bear in mind as you go along: if this chapter feels rushed, it's because it isn't the grand finale. Do with that information what you will.</p><p>Happy reading!</p><p>Chapter 22: Red Sky Morning</p><p>Song: The Hammer's Coming Down by Nickelback (thank you to my Discord hype gang who validate my ongoing love for Nickelback seriously I've always loved this song)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong> <em> Where will you be when the sky comes down?</em> </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em> And what would you do if the strength was found?</em> </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em> Stay right beside me when the ground starts shaking</em> </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em> The only sound you'll hear is the breath we're taking</em> </strong>
</p><p>Kurda felt nothing but a deadly sense of calm as he trekked through the tunnels beneath the city. That was where the maps and blueprints of the underground system came into play - he'd sneak in and keep his distance until it was time. Shane Astor would already be inside, his fellow members of the Last Stand would be scattered throughout the vampaneze troop. On Kurda's cue, Shane would give his men their signal, and the rest was up to Dest-</p><p>Actually, no. Fuck that guy.</p><p>The rest was up to Kurda.</p><p>On and on he walked, with only his stolen blueprint for guidance to rendezvous with the army of vampaneze that would be gathered there. He couldn't enter the cavern of retribution with them, their finely-tuned noses would quickly detect the scent of a vampire amidst their own, and it would be lights out for Kurda. But Shane said once the fire started, Kurda wouldn't have to worry about being detected by smell. The smoke would drown out everything else. And damn, he was right.</p><p>The atmosphere in the cavern was so toxic, so vicious that for a split second Kurda almost turned around and went back the way he came. Literally toxic - the heat and smell of the fire was nauseating. This was a place engineered for chaos and despair. A place where honour and truth went to die. It was so much worse than Shane's description. Words couldn't do justice to the feat of deadly ingenuity that lay beneath the unassuming city.</p><p>He saw Vancha, Larten, Darren and Harkat right away. There was a human woman with them, with icy blonde hair, shrewd eyes, and a fierce face. All five of them were very much on guard, and with good reason. Kurda had never seen this many vampaneze gathered in one place before. Shane was standing at the back of the cavern, so it was easy for Kurda to discreetly slip over to stand at his side.</p><p>"I trust you didn't have any trouble finding the place?" Shane greeted him with muted sarcasm.</p><p>"It was a breeze." Kurda responded stiffly.</p><p>"Wish I could tell you exactly what to expect from this." Shane added, with a grim glance up at the platform. "But none of us know what he's going to do. Other than it'll be ugly."</p><p>"Really?" Kurda sighed. "I thought this was going to be a nice brunch."</p><p>"Thought you were a cartographer, not a comedian." Said Shane darkly.</p><p>"Haven't you ever heard of coping with trauma through bad humour?" Said Kurda with a ghost of a smile.</p><p>"No."</p><p>Then a thought occurred to Kurda.</p><p>"Shane, none of your men are vampets, right?"</p><p>Shane scoffed loudly, and for a moment Kurda expected the surrounding vampaneze to turn and look at them. But their sole attention was fixed ravenously upon their <em>Lord</em> high above on the platform, and the roaring of the flames muffled all other noise.</p><p>Shane whipped around and fixed Kurda with a death stare of pure resentment that could've rivalled Mika's whenever he was truly inconvenienced.</p><p>"I take that as a no." Kurda muttered.</p><p>"I'd rather throw myself in that pit of flaming stakes that recruit humans to skirt our ancient weaponry laws." Shane hissed.</p><p>"Gannen! What's going on? Why haven't your men attacked us yet?" Came Vancha's unmistakable voice. Kurda had to concentrate his full energy on the effort it took to hear Vancha over the flames and the bloodthirsty chattering around him.</p><p>"You know why. They're afraid they might kill you in the heat of battle. According to Desmond Tiny, only our Lord is supposed to kill the hunters." Came Gannen's response.</p><p>"Does that mean they won't defend themselves if we attack?" Vancha asked.</p><p>Up on the walkway, the young man with platinum hair laughed viciously. A sound that seemed to easily carry over the noise of the room. And when he spoke, his voice was callous and hard. Everything about him radiated hostility.</p><p>"Dream on, you stupid old—"</p><p>"Enough!" Gannen Harst cut him off impatiently. "You will not interrupt when I am speaking with my brother."</p><p>Kurda glanced at Shane.</p><p>"Harst's apprentice." The vampaneze grunted, oozing disdain. "Steve Leonard. Gannen's one of the most honourable sons of the night I've ever had the pleasure to know. Why he hasn't strangled the life out of that little prick is beyond my comprehension. There has to be more to him than what he lets on. It's the only explanation."</p><p>High above, Steve shot Gannen a downright <em>bitchy</em> glare but obeyed his mentor and fell silent.</p><p>"Of course they'll defend themselves." Gannen addressed Vancha once more. "But we hope to avoid such a scene. Apart from the risk of killing you, we've lost too many good men already and don't wish to sacrifice any more. It might be possible to agree a compromise."</p><p>"I'm listening," Vancha said.</p><p>Gannen Harst gave Steve a quick look. Steve cupped his hands to his mouth and shouted at the ceiling, "Lower away, R.V. !"</p><p>There was a pause, then a panel in the ceiling was thrown back and somebody was lowered through the gap on a rope. A woman with dark skin and curly black hair. And profound terror in her eyes.</p><p>"Who-" Kurda whispered. Shane answered the question before he finished the sentence.</p><p>"She's with Shan. Don't know the exact nature of the relationship but I'm taking an educated guess." He said grimly. "The Lord is raising the stakes. Trying to make him an offer he can't refuse, even when he knows Shan has no choice. He just wants to break him first."</p><p>Kurda felt an almost overpowering blaze of fury, coupled with an uncharacteristic urge to fight. To fly at the Vampaneze Lord and rip him apart with his bare hands. Kurda didn't know this woman, but she was being used against Darren like Gracie had been used against Mika. Except in that situation, if it truly came down to choosing one or the other, if Mika had found himself with his back against the wall... Kurda knew full well Mika would've gift-wrapped the Stone of Blood and handed it over.</p><p>"-We are interested only in the hunters. Debbie Hemlock, Alice Burgess and the Little Person don't matter. We have you outnumbered, Vancha." Kurda heard Gannen say, while the Hunters glared up at him. "Our victory is assured. You cannot win, only injure us, and perhaps foil us by dying at the hands of one who isn't our Lord."</p><p><em>So you think</em>. thought Kurda.</p><p>"That'll be good enough for me!" Vancha declared.</p><p>"Perhaps," Harst nodded. "And I'm sure Larten Crepsley and Darren Shan feel the same. But what of the others? Will they give their lives so freely, for the sake of the vampire clan?"</p><p>"I will!" Harkat shouted.</p><p>Gannen Harst smiled down at him. It was a strange smile. Sad, almost.</p><p>"I expect you would, grey one. But you don't have to. Nor do the women. If Vancha, Larten and Darren lay down their weapons and surrender, we'll free the rest of you. You can walk away, lives intact." He said.</p><p>"No way!" Vancha shouted immediately. "I wouldn't roll over and die at the best of times — I'm certainly not doing it now, when so much is at stake."</p><p>"Nor shall I agree to such a deal," Mr Crepsley said.</p><p>"What of Darren Shan?" Harst asked. "Will he agree to our deal, or will he condemn his friends to die with the rest of you?"</p><p>Darren paused. But only for a second.</p><p>Kurda felt his heart break. He remembered Darren as the wide-eyed, naive, friendly boy who'd won over every stony heart in Vampire Mountain seven years ago. But now, he looked just as world-weary and hardened as those who would have let him die in the Trials of Initiation. Now, Darren looked every bit as much of an unshakeable ruler as Mika, Arrow, or Vancha.</p><p>"No. We fight and we die. All for one and one for all." Darren's voice wasn't loud, but it carried.</p><p>Gannen Harst nodded understandingly. "I expected that, but one should always open with a weak offer. Very well — let me put another proposal to you. Same basic outline as the first. Drop your weapons, surrender, and we let the humans walk. Only this time, Darren Shan gets to go head to head with our Lord and Steve Leonard."</p><p>Vancha's face creased suspiciously. "What are you talking about?"</p><p>"If you and Larten turn yourselves over to us without a fight, we will allow Darren to duel with our Lord and Steve Leonard. It will be two on one, but he'll be equipped with weapons." Gannen explained. "If Darren wins, we free all three of you along with the others. If he loses, we execute you and Larten, but the humans and Harkat Mulds go free. Think it over. It's a good, honest deal, more than you could have reasonably hoped for."</p><p>The Hunters muttered amongst themselves for a moment.</p><p>"Gannen! What guarantee do you give that it'll be a fair fight?" Vancha bellowed suddenly. "How do we know that R.V. or the others won't join in?</p><p>"I give my word," Gannen Harst said softly. "Only the pair on the platform with me will fight Darren Shan. Nobody else will interfere. I'll kill any who seeks to swing the balance one way or the other."</p><p>The Hunters spoke amongst themselves. Kurda turned to Shane.</p><p>"Why two on one?" Kurda hissed, knowing full well how rhetorical that question was. "This isn't a fair fight. It's an execution! They're setting him up!"</p><p>"If your young Prince has even a shred of intelligence, he'll have figured that out." Shane grunted.</p><p>"Very well," Vancha shouted back at his brother. "We accept. But first you have to set the humans and Harkat free. After that, Darren fights your Lord and Steve. Only then, if the fight is fair and he loses, will Larten and I lay down our arms."</p><p>"That's not the deal," Harst replied stiffly. "You must lay your weapons to one side and surrender before—"</p><p>"No," Vancha interrupted. "We do it this way or not at all. You have my word that we'll let your people take us if Darren loses — assuming he loses fairly. If my word's not good enough, we have a problem."</p><p>Gannen Harst hesitated, then nodded curtly. "Your word is good," he said, then told R.V. to haul Debbie up and escort her down.</p><p>"No!" R.V. howled. "Steve said I could kill her! He said I could cut her up into tiny little pieces and—"</p><p>"Now I'm saying different!" Steve roared. "Don't cross me on this. There'll be other nights and humans — plenty of them — but there's only one Darren Shan."</p><p>
  <em>Fuck you. No more humans.</em>
</p><p>The vampaneze returned the young woman called Debbie to the Hunters, handling her roughly. Kurda's blood boiled at the sight of it.</p><p>The two humans prepared to be evacuated, accompanied by Harkat and escorted by a cruel-faced man who had to be a vampet. There seemed to be a hesitation between Darren and Debbie, as if she didn't want to leave him. But Darren's young face was impassive. And after a moment, they parted.</p><p>"Hurry up! This isn't a funeral procession!" The stern-faced blond woman barked at the others. The crowd of vampaneze jeered as they went.</p><p>Kurda nudged Shane.</p><p>"I don't think I can do anything from down here. I have to get up to that platform." He muttered.</p><p>Shane sighed, eyeing Kurda balefully.</p><p>"Then what?"</p><p>"We're going to have a talk."</p><p>"It's not going to work."</p><p>"I know. But I have to try."</p><p>"He's going to kill you, Smahlt."</p><p>Kurda laughed bitterly.</p><p>"According to destiny, I was supposed to die seven years ago. I'm living on borrowed time anyway."</p><p>Suddenly, there was a commotion as a fight broke out between the evacuating humans and the vampet with them. Kurda couldn't see much of it from where he stood. All he heard was screams and gunfire. The smug-faced vampet was staggering around screaming in pain. The blond woman had shredded half his face. Kurda loved that for her. Then she began shooting at the platform, discharging her weapon with vicious precision. Kurda had never heard gunfire in such close range - it echoed dizzyingly off the stone walls.</p><p>Chaos reigned. Vampets firing long-range weapons, and vampaneze slashing viciously with their deadly array of old-fashioned blades. Kurda took advantage of the distraction to retreat the way he came.</p><p>But before he went back into the tunnel, he turned back around. And then, from high on the platform, Gannen Harst's eyes landed directly on Kurda's. At least, they seemed to. It was hard to tell at that distance but Kurda's blood ran cold nevertheless. Kurda had kept his hood up to avoid attention, but the exposed bit of his face would have to pass for vampet in its lack of purple colouring. The fact that everyone's attention was focused so intensely on the platform, the Lord, and the Hunters worked in Kurda's favour.</p><p>Most of the vampaneze Kurda knew had died in the tunnels of Vampire Mountain; the ones in this cavern were strangers to him. But he remembered Gannen clearly from decades of negotiations. Shane was right, Gannen was as honourable a vampaneze as they come. How he got himself into this position was beyond Kurda.</p><p>Kurda's stomach dropped and his lungs closed, knowing he was about to be exposed and ripped to shreds.</p><p>But then Gannen simply looked away, refocused on the scores of his fighting clanmates. And Kurda got the fuck out of there.</p><p>Surely Gannen hadn't recognized him, he told himself. He was so far away. Nobody's eyes were that good, plus he had no cause to suspect Kurda would be here. Or so Kurda told himself. Because there was no conceivable reason Gannen would recognize him right now, and not react. But he couldn't spare Gannen another thought.</p><p>
  <strong> <em>If there is one thing I can promise you</em> </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em> We'll see the light again</em> </strong>
</p><p>His heart and his feet pounded through the tunnels, crawling, climbing, gripping his map with shaking hands until he finally reached his prime destination: the narrow tunnel directly above the middle of the platform. He had to crawl on his belly to get there, and he willed the old rusted pipe not to give out until finally he could see everything through a well-positioned grate. He wasn't surprised to see Larten up there in Darren's place.</p><p>In the moments before Darren unexpectedly interrupted his investiture, Kurda tried to clear his head, tried to steel himself with a sense of purpose in order to galvanize himself for what he was about to do. He failed miserably. And for one fraction of a moment that was so brief he still sometimes wondered if it happened at all... he felt relief. Relief at being exposed. Relief that the inevitable devastation wouldn't be dealt by his own hand. Relief that it was <em>over.</em></p><p>But it wasn't over. It didn't end when they dragged him away and locked him up. It didn't end when the Princes sentenced him to a pseudo-death by exile. It didn't end the moment he looked into Mika's eyes for the last time and saw more hurt than his worst nightmares ever showed him.</p><p>It didn't end then, because it was always meant to end here and now.</p><p>"Let the fighting cease." The Lord of the Vampaneze ordered. His voice was even and low, but undercut with clear authority. "There's no need for it now."</p><p>He wasn't even close to how Kurda pictured him. Had they passed on the street, Kurda wouldn't have given him a second glance. He looked so ordinary.</p><p>"I knew this was coming," the Lord of the Vampaneze said softly, turning his head to gaze at Mr Crepsley. "Des Tiny predicted it. He said I'd have to fight one of the hunters here, above the flames, and that it would most likely be Larten Crepsley. We tried to turn his prophecy on its head and lure the boy up instead. For a while I thought we'd succeeded. But in my heart I knew it was you I'd have to face."</p><p>"Did Mr Tiny say which of us would triumph?" Larten inquired</p><p>"No. He said it could swing either way." Replied the Lord with a smile that was hard to read.</p><p>*Tiny said a hell of a lot more than that.*</p><p>And Kurda knew it was now or never. He didn't feel sick to the core like he did before his investiture. He felt nothing more than a numb sense of purpose.</p><p>With one deft motion, he broke the brittle, rusted bars of the grate below him and dropped twenty feet to the platform below. The landing hurt, but he quickly drew himself up to his feet amidst roars of shock, confusion, and fury from the crowd. Kurda slowly rotated on the spot to face Larten.</p><p>"Kurda Smahlt?!" Larten bellowed in shock, face reddening. Kurda took an automatic step back. The deaths of Gavner Purl and Arra Sails would not soon be forgotten by the orange-haired vampire.</p><p>"You sure you don't want to review the rules of the game before you roll those dice, Larten?" Kurda inquired softly.</p><p>"What are you doing here?" Vancha yelled up at him. "You know you can't interfere with clan business. How did you even find this place?"</p><p>"Who is this guy?" Steve snarled, drowning Vancha out. "Is this another fucking vampire? Boooo! Get him out of here!"</p><p>"Gannen, muzzle your <em>leopard</em>!" Vancha roared back up at them. "Now answer me, Smahlt!"</p><p>"Maps." Said Kurda with a weak smile. "You know me."</p><p>"Smahlt?" Steve spat incredulously. "Kurda Smahlt, in the flesh?"</p><p>Kurda glanced back at Steve for a moment. Steve was even more intimidating up close, but Kurda knew how to handle a high-stakes negotiation. Ultimately this would move past negotiation and into the realm of violence. But for now, Kurda was in his element.</p><p>"Guilty as charged." He said curtly, before refocusing on Vancha.</p><p>"Are you trying to force yourself back into the clan's good graces?" Said Vancha, disbelief etched in his face as though he couldn't believe what he was seeing.</p><p>Kurda laughed hollowly.</p><p>"I know better than to think that would work."</p><p>"Did Mika tell you to come looking for us?" Vancha asked, narrowing his eyes in a way that was wary but not hostile.</p><p>"Mika has no idea I'm here." Said Kurda quickly. "Swear on my life. This isn't about him. It's not even about me."</p><p>"Then what's it about?" Darren choked out, finding his voice for the first time.</p><p>"I have a job to do." Said Kurda. "You said it yourself, Vancha. There has to be more to this. And there is - I didn't believe it before, all those years when I sat in exile. But now I know. Destiny isn't done with me yet."</p><p>"Kurda, you need to get out of here." Said Larten, his eyes flashing dangerously. "Desmond Tiny visited us with very clear instructions. The Hunters of the Vampaneze Lord cannot accept help from any other vampire - or we will fail. Your interference is putting the entire clan at risk."</p><p>"I know about Desmond's prophecy." Said Kurda evenly, as Larten glared. "And what he didn't tell you was that my survival invalidated the instructions he gave you. He visited me too."</p><p>"It's true, Larten." Said Vancha. "I met with Kurda after Paris's funeral and we spoke at length. But we did not know Kurda was going to show up here, Gannen!" he added loudly. "I give you my word on that."</p><p>"I believe you." Said Gannen tonelessly.</p><p>"I don't!" Steve snarled. "How stupid do these vampires think we are?"</p><p>"I don't think any of you are stupid, actually." Said Kurda. "Just lost. Held prisoner by a tyrant who'd drive your noble clan into the ground on a whim. I'm trying to help you just as much as my own clan."</p><p>"How poetic." Came Steve's cold sneer as he slow-clapped sarcastically. "Truly. I'm tearing up! Now scurry on home, Pacifist Barbie! This event is invite-only!"</p><p>"Desmond sure did want you to believe that." Said Kurda quietly. "But the game is rigged against every single one of us. His prophecy was irrelevant as soon as my sentencing was passed. It hinged on my death, and I went and ruined that for him. Now it's anybody's game. But it's more fun for him to watch us all panic."</p><p>"How can you be sure of that, Kurda?" Larten growled. "Never mind the other side. What game are *you* playing with us this time? Give me one good reason I should not send you out the way you dispatched Gavner."</p><p>"I smell bad blood." Steve interjected with interest. "What's the matter, Creepy? Did Smahlt push you on the playground back in your little mountain?"</p><p>"Silence." Gannen grunted, glancing carefully around at the others. "Smahlt claims he spoke with Desmond. We'd be fools not to hear him out. Don't punt him into the pit just yet."</p><p>"If anyone is punting him, it will be me!" Larten growled.</p><p>"Larten, watch your mouth!" Vancha roared, a distinct seriousness to his tone. "If you can't control yourself, you're no better than the tyrant you're about to fight!"</p><p>"He's right, Mr. Crepsley." Darren added. "I don't want to give you an order as a Prince, but I will if I have to. Don't touch Kurda. He wouldn't have intervened now unless he had a reason to."</p><p>"He is defying his exile order!" Larten protested, practically spitting. "The terms were clear. He was to be killed on sight if-"</p><p>"And you think the vampaneze clan is going to hell in a handbasket?" Steve drawled lazily, fixing Kurda with a condescending stare. "Pfft. Worry about your own blood-brothers before sticking your ugly nose where it doesn't belong."</p><p>"I'm not here to fight for a vampiric victory. I've only ever been a peacemaker. If I have to get my hands dirty today, so be it. But the difference between the Hunters and myself is that I'm not working against the vampaneze." Kurda continued determinedly, looking past Steve locking his eyes on the Vampaneze Lord. "I'm only working against you."</p><p>"Kurda, get off this platform and let me do my job." Larten hissed. "And consider yourself lucky there were two Princes in this cavern to keep me from killing you."</p><p>Kurda felt a surge of boiling hot frustration.</p><p>"There's more to this than I can explain right now, Larten. You're fighting for the vampire clan. I'm fighting for all of us!" Kurda had to shout in order to be heard over the cacophony below. "This Lord would destroy his own clan just as easily as he would ours. What honourable vampaneze would resort to this level of entrapment and deceit?"</p><p>"Enough bitching! What is this, high school? You vampires are so boring. Let's make this interesting." Steve spoke up, a sickening gleam in his ice-cold eyes. He turned to face the Vampaneze Lord. "My Lord... I ask that you give me permission to fight Kurda Smahlt head-to-head. It would be my honour to do what the all-powerful Vampire Princes didn't have the balls to do. Let me be the one to destroy his cancer of peace."</p><p>"Don't be ridiculous!" Gannen snapped. "We made them a deal, and they accepted it! Larten came up here to fight us in Darren's place. Smahlt is not part of this."</p><p>"Shows how much faith you have in yourself, Gannen." Steve retorted nastily, rolling his eyes. "You don't think your chosen protégé can hold his own against a pacifist traitor? <em>Please</em>."</p><p>Gannen's face remained stony and grim.</p><p>"I suppose you know what you're capable of better than I do. Have it your way." Gannen sighed, to Steve's clear, bloodthirsty delight.</p><p>"Why me?" Kurda addressed Steve, arching an eyebrow. "I'm flattered, but you've it abundantly clear you have a bit of a personal grudge against Larten. Why switch track now? You don't know me. I don't know you. What would my death mean to you?"</p><p>"Of course I know you! Everyone's heard of your legendary failure!" Steve replied, smiling wider in a way that didn't extend to his cruel eyes. "Tell me, Smahlt. Do you still dream of uniting the clans?"</p><p>"I've never lied about my goals." Said Kurda firmly, ignoring Larten's derisive snort. "I'm not about to start now."</p><p>"Then you've answered my own question for me." Steve sneered. "Your dream is poison. Ridding the world of you would be my pleasure. Plus, I plan on killing you quickly enough to help our mighty Lord finish off Creepy Crepsley over here. Everything is coming up Steve today!" He finished with a cackle.</p><p>"And if I decline your challenge?" Kurda asked.</p><p>"You pass up on a perfectly good chance to die with honour, because you're not leaving this place alive either way." Said Steve.</p><p>Kurda nodded thoughtfully, as though pondering a business proposition. Then he looked to Larten.</p><p>
  <em>LC: You have no idea what you are getting into. Leave now.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: Trust me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>LC: We all trusted you, once. Never again! I don't know what you are doing, but -</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: You know damn well I have nothing to lose. I wouldn't be here unless it was for a reason. Trust me. Please.</em>
</p><p>Larten narrowed his eyes.</p><p>
  <em>LC: I assume you have a plan, then?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: We have to take the fight off this platform. We have to be within reach of the other vampaneze.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>LC: So they can kill us if the our opponents do not get there first?!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: Larten, there isn't time.</em>
</p><p>Larten gave Kurda another funny look, but then his eyes snapped to the Vampaneze Lord.</p><p>"We have a new bargain for you. Let us all get off this ridiculous platform and commence our fight below - at eye-level with all of our blood-brothers. So they can see you for what you truly are." Said Larten calmly.</p><p>The Lord frowned.</p><p>"A strange request, Larten Crepsley. Don't tell me you intend to have Vancha and Darren swoop in to assist you. Because if you do that, then I get to call my army to action. And you Hunters are sorely outnumbered."</p><p>"You are the one with the history of playing fast and loose with your own clan's ancient honour code." Larten retorted. "Not us. As long as you adhere to the combat rules, we will do the same. You have my word. If not, we throw the rules out the window as well."</p><p>"You have my word too." Kurda echoed. "This is the deal."</p><p>"I accept." Said Steve quickly.</p><p>
  <em>LC: He lies like he breathes. He is going to cheat however he can.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: I'm counting on it.</em>
</p><p>"I too, accept your proposal." The Vampaneze Lord rumbled. "It is only fair, after all. I hope you've made peace with the Vampire Gods, Kurda Smahlt."</p><p>"We currently aren't speaking, actually." Said Kurda.</p><p>The Lord gave Kurda a funny look, and Steve laughed. Kurda didn't give a damn.</p><p>They descended from the platform silently, amidst roars of confusion from the crowd below. Vancha and Darren immediately bolted to Kurda and Larten.</p><p>"Kurda, what the hell are you trying to pull?" Vancha thundered.</p><p>"How did you know we'd be here?" Darren added.</p><p>"I'm ending this war. Or dying in the attempt." Kurda sighed. But he looked Vancha dead in the eye and reached out mentally with a much less vague message:</p><p>
  <em>KS: The prophecy doesn't apply as long as you let me fight. I can end this war, and there can be peace.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>VM: How?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: I can't tell you how. I'm here as a neutral party. But I'm not lying. I swear on my daughter's life. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>VM: You met with Evanna, didn't you?</em>
</p><p>Per the instructions of Evanna herself, Kurda could neither confirm nor deny, but he knew Vancha knew.</p><p>"I heavily questioned your methods, Smahlt." Vancha muttered, speaking aloud again. "But I trusted you when I nominated you for investiture. And I trust you now."</p><p>"Thank you." Said Kurda. Then he shot Darren an apologetic smile. "You've grown. I barely recognize you. Congratulations on the promotion, by the way... Sire."</p><p>Darren didn't smile. He was watching Kurda warily, and Kurda supposed he couldn't exactly blame him. Kurda always said his one biggest regret (you know, aside from fucking up Mika and Gracie's lives beyond recognition) was the moment he was caught between a rock and a hard place down in the tunnels of Vampire Mountain. And a snap second decision left Gavner Purl with a knife in his gut and his blood on Kurda's hands. Mika's face at the trial wasn't the only thing that haunted Kurda's every nightmare, both asleep and awake. Darren's was also a regular feature. Kurda tried so hard to help that boy. That child, no older than his own daughter. And instead he left Darren with an extra heaping scoop of trauma.</p><p>"I understand now that you were acting for the good of the clan." Said Darren in a low, strained voice. "And I never got to thank you for saving me after I failed my last trial. But I don't know if I'll ever forgive you for Gavner."</p><p>Kurda closed his eyes and took a deep breath.</p><p>"I'll never forgive myself for Gavner either." He croaked out at last. "That's the truth. I'd never be so bold as to ask for your forgiveness, Darren. But as a Prince, will you place your trust in me for a few minutes?"</p><p>Darren glanced at Larten, then Vancha.</p><p>"Yes." He said simply.</p><p>"Well, Smahlt, you've got fifty percent of the vampire clan's Prince population right here in this room, and you have our full support." Said Vancha with a grim chuckle.</p><p>"Thank you, Sire March. Sire Shan." Kurda murmured. He bowed slightly, then turned around to face the opposing team. This was where he really started walking the fine line.</p><p>"Gannen Harst, I speak directly to you now." Said Kurda steadily. "If the Vampaneze Lord falls today, your clan will be free from his rule of chaos. Before I begin this duel, will you agree to use your influence to lead your blood brothers back to their former glory, once the Lord had been defeated?"</p><p>A chorus of ugly yells erupted from all around them, but Kurda took no notice. Gannen stared shrewdly back at him.</p><p>"The vampaneze clan doesn't do hierarchy, Smahlt." Gannen snorted. "You damn well know it. Vancha, do you hear what your colleague is saying?"</p><p>"I hear him loud and clear!" Vancha shot back. "And I'm telling you right here and now that I stand by every word he says! The Vampaneze Lord is a threat to both clans like nothing we've ever experienced. And if your lot kills Kurda Smahlt, I give you my solemn word as a Vampire Prince that I will personally pick up where he left off, and I won't rest until his original mission is complete! But first, we need to off your bloody Lord, so get the hell on with it and let Larten do his job!"</p><p>"Now you know where your brother stands. If your Lord falls, will you work with Vancha to secure the future of both clans?" Kurda addressed Gannen in a murmur.</p><p>"You realize what you're asking me?" Gannen replied. "Standing in the presence of the Vampaneze Lord, asking me to destroy his legacy?"</p><p>"Is it really much of a legacy if he loses?" Said Kurda with a harsh laugh.</p><p>And Kurda couldn't explain precisely how he knew it, but in that moment he had no doubt that Gannen had indeed recognized him from across the room earlier. And chose not to sound the alarm.</p><p>"I have faith the Vampaneze Lord will prevail." Said Gannen calmly. "I will not discuss this matter with you any further."</p><p>Kurda held his gaze. And slowly, so slowly it was imperceptible, the stoic vampaneze inclined his head once. But Kurda saw it for what it was. It was a nod. A silent signal even Gannen's Lord wouldn't pick up on. Except Kurda, who was watching for it. And based on the way his eyes widened slightly... Vancha too.</p><p>"Your answer doesn't surprise me." Said Kurda quietly. "All I could do was try. No hard feelings. You are an honourable vampaneze, Gannen Harst."</p><p>"Is this a duel or a fucking circlejerk?" Came Steve's grating drawl of a voice. "Smahlt has proved how delusional he is! Pathetic! Let's get this show on the road!"</p><p>"Say no more!" Larten laughed viciously. "Are you ready, Kurda?"</p><p>"Let's find out."</p><p>And the fight began.</p><p>
  <em> <strong>This is the calm before the coming storm</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong> This is the red sky morning</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong> Without warning now</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong> This is the fight that we've been waiting for</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong> And there's no sense in running</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong> The hammer's coming down, down</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong> The hammer's coming down, down</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong> The hammer's coming</strong> </em>
</p><p>Steve charged at Kurda. Kurda gauged his speed and dove out of the way so Steve's momentum sent him staggering. He clearly hadn't predicted Kurda's evasion - most vampires would've met him head-on. Kurda glared coolly and advanced on Steve, letting him think he was gearing up for an attack. So when he launched himself at the half-vampaneze, Steve welcomed the assault with a sickly smile - until Kurda ducked under his arm at the last minute, throwing him off balance.</p><p>"Is this a dance or a fight?!" Steve snarled. "My expectations for you were low, but -"</p><p>And Kurda dealt him a swift, merciless blow to the chest, sending him to his knees.</p><p>"Oh, you <em>are</em> ready to play after all?" Steve sneered, rising back to his feet. "Then let's play."</p><p>The fight was fast and relentless. A full vampire should have been able to beat a half-blood in any situation, but Steve was calculated and absolutely vicious. It was clear he'd spent years honing the art of violence to perfection. Kurda had never sharpened his battle reflexes to the same extent and honestly, now he wished he'd picked up a few more lessons down in the Hall of Sports. Or at least listened when Mika used to try to give him sparring advice. He held his own, but it was gruelling.</p><p>Kurda glanced over at Larten and the Vampaneze Lord when he could, but it would've been suicide to divert too much of his attention away from Steve. Larten appeared to be holding his own too, but there were drops of blood flying in all directions and it was impossible to know who they were coming from.</p><p>But Steve, on the other hand.</p><p>Steve was getting greedy.</p><p>Kurda could see it in his eyes. They kept darting from Kurda to Larten, and every time the Vampaneze Lord struck at Larten, Steve would snap to attention as though he couldn't bear the thought of anyone else taking Larten's life. Not even his Lord.</p><p>
  <em>KS: Move towards Steve. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>LC: I am rather preoccupied. You got us into this. I am not helping you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: He still wants to kill you. I need you to let him try. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>LC: I am not taking orders from you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>KS: If he touches you, our deal is off. This part is kind of important. </em>
</p><p>Larten shot Kurda a glare over his shoulder, but slowly began to maneuver himself to pull his duel closer and closer to Steve's range.</p><p>Funnily enough, Steve reminded Kurda of Mika in a few ways. A version of Mika where the honour, loyalty, and goodness had been stripped away - leaving only cold, calculating efficiency. Steve was wickedly clever, like Mika. Steve was cool under pressure, like Mika. Steve was kind of a bitch, like Mika.</p><p>But mostly, Steve wanted it all. On a silver platter. He didn't want to compromise. And he definitely didn't want to choose between two prizes when he could simply take both. The difference was that Mika wouldn't cheat. He might've found a loophole or something, but those details didn't matter here and now. What matters was that Steve *would* cheat. Openly and without remorse. Kurda was counting on that.</p><p>So when Larten darted within Steve's range while evading a strike from his own opponent, Steve struck fast and hard. As Kurda knew he would.</p><p>What Kurda hadn't counted on was Larten not quite getting out of the way on time. Steve's knife went deep into Larten's stomach.</p><p>Larten stumbled, spitting blood. Kurda felt an icy chill of panic sink into his bones. He hadn't expected Steve to land a near-fatal blow. It was only supposed to be a scrape, a bait-and-retreat. Kurda heard Vancha and Darren shouting in outrage but he paid them no mind. But he couldn't spare Larten another thought right now.</p><p>"Do you see what your accomplice has done?" Kurda addressed the Vampaneze Lord as Steve hooted in glee. "Do you condone such blatant cheating? Or will you punish your<em> loyal</em> follower for acting without honour?"</p><p>The Lord's eyes narrowed to slits as he regarded the gloating Steve for several monuments.</p><p>"I will pass no consequences for his infraction." The Vampaneze Lord growled, his voice a slow and steady rasp.</p><p>"Then our agreement is worth as much as the prophecy that brought us all here. Nothing!" Larten hissed, even while clutching his chest in pain. Kurda caught his eye.</p><p>"That just about sums it up." He said.</p><p>Kurda took a deep breath to steady himself, then turned to face the assembled vampaneze. He found Shane immediately and they locked eyes. This was the moment they'd counted on.</p><p>"Sons of the Last Stand!" Kurda yelled as loudly as he could. "The agreement has been broken! The prophecy is invalid! Your path has been cleared - now claim your freedom like your forefathers did!"</p><p>There seemed to be several moments of disconnect as the Vampaneze Lord's loyal followers tried to process what was happening as Shane's men, the Last Stand, turned abruptly against their brothers-in-arms. The Last Stand didn't start attacking their blood brothers immediately - but when they surged towards the Vampaneze Lord, the others engaged with them in an effort to keep their Lord safe.</p><p>Then followed a chorus of hate-filled screams and curses.</p><p>"Traitors! Blood-traitors among us!"</p><p>"Defying the Vampaneze Lord!"</p><p>"Kill the traitors! Kill them all!"</p><p>The battle escalated fast and hard. It wasn't the type of spectacle that Kurda enjoyed witnessing. But he did get a grim sense of satisfaction watching Steve and the Vampaneze Lord's jaws drop as they realized there was dissension in the ranks they surely thought had been blindly devoted.</p><p>Vancha, Darren, and even the wounded Larten flew back into the fray. And Kurda had no choice but to do the same. It was a free-for-all. Vampaneze versus vampaneze, and three vampires scrapping among them trying to determine which vampaneze were allies and which were true foes. Gannen was clearly trying to find a route of evacuation for the Vampaneze Lord, but he was visibly distracted. And the reasoning soon became clear; with the rules having gone out the window Steve was once more fighting both Larten and Kurda together, and visibly relishing it.</p><p>"Steve, with me!" Gannen bellowed. His apprentice took no notice. He needed backup, quickly. The Last Stand was quickly advancing on Gannen and the Lord. The remaining Vampaneze Lord loyalists were fighting tooth and nail to stop them, but their numbers dwindled as more and more vampets began to turn tail and abandon ship. The Vampaneze Lord was trapped, Shane's men were backing them into a corner with no path of escape. In front of them, their own army turned against them. Behind them, the pit of stakes and flames. And no matter how Gannen yelled, Steve spared them no more than a swift glance. He didn't seem to care that the Vampaneze Lord was in peril at the hands of his own clanmates. Steve only had eyes for the opponents at hand.</p><p>Gannen carried out his duty until the last second. He placed himself fiercely between the Vampaneze Lord and the advancing army. Kurda watched him in confusion. He had to know how futile it was. Surely he had to realize there was no honour in dying like this.</p><p>Kurda didn't see the moment Vampaneze Lord finally tumbled into the pit. Couldn't hear his dying screams over the raucous cheer that went up from the Last Stand. But as they retreated from the edge of the pit, only two figures remained. Vancha and Gannen. Brothers divided by blood and reunited by chaos. Gannen was kneeling on the floor panting, and Vancha stood over him with a hand on his shoulder. Kurda immediately knew what had happened - Vancha pulled his brother back from the pit at the last possible second. Vancha saw what Kurda thought he saw, but was afraid to believe. While Gannen felt the unmistakable pull to serve his Lord, he also wanted peace.</p><p>It all made so much sense now. But Kurda paid dearly for his moment of epiphany. Kurda heard Steve's gruesome laugh followed immediately by Darren's bellow of rage before he felt the knife in his stomach.</p><p>Kurda's only thought was how ironic it was that this was how Gavner felt in his last moments. And just like Gavner's did, Kurda's world faded to black.</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Once it's started, there's no turning back</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong> But I'll be with you when the sun turns black</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong> 'Cause finding faith will always be the hardest</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong> While you're standing in the heart of darkness</strong> </em>
</p><p>Kurda found himself in a vast cavern with high ceilings and old wooden pews standing in rows. His vision was foggy - or maybe the room itself was foggy. He didn't know and he didn't really care. Nor did he know how he'd gotten here. His last memory had been finally passing out after laying it all on the line.</p><p>But how had he made it back to Vampire Mountain? How was he standing in the doorway of the Hall of Princes without being swarmed by guards? And where was everyone? He could see a handful of people at the front of the room. All familiar, but none of them had been there when he'd passed out. He approached, feeling like his body weighed a ton. All he wanted to do was sit down.</p><p>The room seemed so much bigger than he remembered. He felt like he'd been walking for days; his bones ached and his head pounded. He'd never been so tired. Finally he drew up to the throne platform and as he looked up, he felt as if a bolt of lightning was passing through his body.</p><p>It couldn't be.</p><p>Paris Skyle was sitting there, back in his throne looking just as cheerful and healthy as Kurda remembered him. His eyes were shining and his cheeks were rosy. But he wasn't alone.</p><p>Sitting next to Paris, in Mika's throne, was Arra Sails. She was lounging sideways in the throne like she owned it, one leg dangling over the armrest. She didn't look a day older than she had when Kurda first met her all those years ago when they became sworn nemesis. The harsh lines of worry were gone from her face and she had a glow about her.</p><p>Kurda's slowing heart dropped into his stomach as he looked at the third face. Gavner Purl. He was sitting on the stairs up to the throne platform, arms crossed rather pensively. But as Kurda approached, Gavner shot him a smile and waved. As though they were still just a couple of junior Generals with their whole careers ahead of them.</p><p>Cyrus, Kurda's old assistant, was there too, also sitting on the steps across from Gavner. He gave Kurda a curt nod, but didn't smile. The moment Cyrus took his own life to avoid being captured by guards was another moment that lived rent-free in Kurda's nightmare reel.</p><p>"Fancy meeting you here, Kurda." Said Paris with a warm chuckle.</p><p>"Sire Skyle..." Kurda croaked. "Arra... Gavner... Cyrus... what are you all doing here?"</p><p>"I knew it. He's still as air-headed as he was when I was alive." Said Arra bluntly.</p><p>"Arra. Be nice." Gavner chided her gently, rolling his eyes. "Gods, five minutes in that throne and all of a sudden you're Mika with boobs."</p><p>"Thanks." Said Arra flatly, flipping her hair and smiling smugly.</p><p>"See what I have to put up with?" Paris chuckled. "It's good to see you, Kurda."</p><p>"What happened? Am I dead?" Kurda asked. His voice sounded vague and distant, like he was hearing a recording of himself on low volume.</p><p>"Close. But no." Said Paris seriously.</p><p>"So what, this is the waiting room?" Kurda pressed, his confusion mounting.</p><p>"I guess you could call it that." Said Gavner with an unbothered shrug. He was still smiling, and Kurda felt sick like he had the day he killed the man.</p><p>"Gavner, I'm so sorry." He choked out. "I wish I could take it back. I'd give anything. You didn't deserve-"</p><p>Gavner held up a hand. His smile faltered, though.</p><p>"Kurda, I get it. Don't get me wrong, it was a dick move. I very much wish you could take it back. Wasn't exactly how I wanted to go out." The General admitted. "But in those last few hours we spent together trying to save Darren, all I remember was how I suddenly respected you more than I ever had. As we were all sitting around banging our thick skulls against the wall trying to come up with a solution to legally spare the kid, you were the only one who had the guts to think outside the box. The treason part wasn't great, but the last thing I realized before I died was that your heart was in the right place. And that our clan would be lucky to have you as a Prince. Right before you stabbed me, that is." Gavner finished sheepishly.</p><p>Kurda felt like all the oxygen had been sucked out of the room. He couldn't have spoken if he tried. But Arra took care of that for him.</p><p>"You know you're under no obligation to be that <em>content</em>, right?" Arra grunted at Gavner, rolling her eyes. "The man put a knife in your stomach and the first thing you tell him is how much of a stand-up citizen he was? Come on, Purl."</p><p>"It's better than holding a grudge, Arra." Gavner shot back. "You're just bitter because your own arrogance brought you down. Blame Kurda all you want, but it was only ever you. I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner!"</p><p>"Enough! Kurda didn't come here to listen to you two bicker!" Paris interjected sharply.</p><p>"So then... why?" Kurda spoke up.</p><p>"You should be able to answer that yourself." Said Cyrus seriously, speaking for the first time. "Why do you sound so surprised? You went into that cavern expecting to die, just like you laid out your original plan assuming it'd end in your execution sooner or later."</p><p>"So I am dead?"</p><p>"Not yet. You're bleeding out pretty damn quick, though." Came a familiar voice from behind Kurda. He whipped around and jolted in alarm. On the front pew sat two vampaneze, two faces Kurda would never forget. His long-time friend Glalda Erifirh who died in the Battle of Vampire Mountain - felled by Darren to avenge Arra - and Marcel Cage, one of the mercenaries sent to capture Mika for the Stone of Blood. Kurda had been the one to send Marcel to the afterlife honourably, once the vampaneze provided enough information to give Kurda a semblance of direction for his next move.</p><p>"You're here too?" Kurda gulped weakly.</p><p>"Not exactly my first choice for company, but apparently yes." Marcel grunted, casting his eyes around the Hall of Princes.</p><p>"You think I'm wild about being in here with you?" Came a completely unfamiliar voice from the other row of pews.</p><p>Kurda did a double-take, and his heart sank beneath the most crushing pang of guilt yet. He'd never met Gracie's boyfriend Dale, but he recognized him immediately. Average build, fair hair, a very ordinary-looking specimen. But he had the kindest eyes.</p><p>"Dale?" Kurda could barely hear his own voice now.</p><p>"Nice to finally meet you, Mr. Smahlt." Said the young human grimly. He managed a weak smile, though.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Dale. I'm so sorry you got caught up in this." Said Kurda. "You should never have found out about the clans."</p><p>"No hard feelings." Said Dale. "I get it. There's no easy way to tell your boyfriend you were actually raised by vampires. Just tell Gracie I didn't suffer, okay? One second I was watching TV, and then the next... well, there was no next second."</p><p>"We're not monsters." Marcel grunted. "We were following orders. Other than the location, it was a clean kill."</p><p>Dale glared at him, then looked back at Kurda.</p><p>"In hindsight, I'm glad I didn't know about the vampire thing." He added with a weak chuckle. "Mr. Ver Leth was intimidating enough when I thought he was human. Sorry I never got to meet you in person. I knew it was complicated, I just didn't know how complicated. All I know is I loved her."</p><p>"She loved you too." Kurda managed. His head was spinning. He felt liable to pass out as he spun back around to look Paris directly in the eye, trying to block out the rest of the noise in his head.</p><p>*"What's happening to me?"*</p><p>"Glalda is right." Paris murmured. "You are bleeding out in the Cavern of... what was it again?"</p><p>"<em>Retribution</em>." Said Arra in a mocking, singsong voice. Gavner snorted in amusement. Even the two vampaneze rolled their eyes.</p><p>"Yes. That." Said Paris. "Kurda, your body is currently trying very hard to die. And at the same time, someone else is trying very hard to save you. Risking his life, just as you did for him once."</p><p>"Darren?!"</p><p>"The very one. He is transferring his own blood into you right now. But herein lies the issue: you don't think you deserve to be saved. You're here in this place with us because you think you deserve to be." Paris continued in a steady murmur.</p><p>"This was always my job. I was only ever supposed to bring peace to the clans." Kurda croaked. "And until recently, I thought I'd lost my chance forever."</p><p>"Nothing lasts forever." Said Paris cryptically. "So you have a choice here, Kurda. And you're running out of time. You can stay here with us, if you truly think it's what you deserve. Or you can walk out of this room and rise up to the responsibility destiny has thrust upon you."</p><p>Kurda felt his strength draining by the second, as though his body, or soul, or whatever he was currently occupying, was fading from existence.</p><p>"I don't know if I'll make it out of this room." He told Paris, registering the fact that his own voice sounded more faraway than ever. "Paris, I can't... I'm so tired."</p><p>"Do you realize how selfish you're being?" Arra snarled at him, the warmth suddenly gone from her eyes. "I wanted to live! I wanted to mate with Larten again! Hell, I even would've married him! I was going to be the first Vampire Princess! I wasn't finished, yet I ended up here anyway because of YOUR treachery! I didn't have a choice!"</p><p>"Arra..." Paris chastised her, gently rolling his eyes.</p><p>"I'm sorry..." Kurda whimpered back, barely able to hear his own voice now. He could feel his lips moving but that was it.</p><p>"Stop apologizing! It doesn't matter anymore! It won't make any of us less dead!" Arra bellowed, practically shaking in frustration. "You still have a choice! I don't care how tired and unworthy you think are, Kurda! You don't get to waste a chance like this!"</p><p>She took a step forward and pushed Kurda roughly. He staggered backwards and felt the room spin. For a second, he could've sworn he saw Darren's face as his vision went black for a moment.</p><p>"Arra..." he groaned.</p><p>"No!" She screamed, even louder. She shoved him harder and as his vision blacked out again, he knew he wasn't imagining it. He saw the cavern again, saw Darren's face hovering over him, clouded in fear.</p><p>"Kurda, I forgive you." Gavner added. "I need you to know that."</p><p>"You shouldn't." Kurda gasped. "Gavner, you can't possibly-"</p><p>"I know I shouldn't. Now go!"</p><p>"They're right, Kurda." Cyrus muttered, a note of desperation in his voice. "Time to go. I didn't get out of this room last time we were in here together, but you can. Please. Your work isn't finished."</p><p>Kurda felt his brain begin to shut down but his body was taking over. He slowly rotated away from the vampires, the vampaneze, and Dale. He began to walk. His vision flickered once again, and he caught a glimpse of the craggy cavern where he'd been laying with Kurda. When the Hall of Princes came back into focus, he dialled his gaze in on the doors and began to walk. Every few seconds his vision went black and he could see the cavern and Darren. He was going back.</p><p>He was going back.</p><p>Another flicker, but it was fainter this time. He was running out of time.</p><p>He broke into a run, even though the effort was agony and his body screamed in protest. Now he could barely see the tunnel whenever his vision blacked out. All he saw now was shadows. He ran faster, and faster, until he finally reached the door that would let him out of the Hall of Princes that wasn't really the Hall of Princes.</p><p>He slammed his palm into the panel to open those doors. He wasn't a Prince, it shouldn't have worked. But it did.</p><p>And then everything went dark, and he felt nothing at all.</p><p>
  <strong> <em>If there is one thing I can promise you</em> </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em> We'll see the light again</em> </strong>
</p><p>Steve forced himself to stay conscious as he lay spread-eagled on the floor of the cavern, listening to the sounds around him as the battle ebbed. To Gannen's mutters as he did what little he could for his assistant's catastrophic injuries. Turned out Creepy Crepsley had more fight left in him than he'd let on. After slicing Kurda open, Steve didn't even have a moment to gloat before the ginger cunt went full-berserker mode. But Steve had trained for this, after all. He'd dealt Larten just as much damage. There'd be no coming back from those injuries. Not without extensive medical intervention, and that wasn't about to happen to a couple of wanted criminals. Maybe they could pick up where they left off in the afterlife.</p><p>Steve heard mutterings, and tilted his head and felt a surge of white-hot, murderous fury intermingled with panic as he watched Kurda Smahlt slowly sit up, about fifty feet away. Whatever Darren did had worked, against all fucking odds.</p><p>Desmond Tiny's words rang deafeningly in Steve's ears:</p><p>
  <strong> <em>"Kurda's odds at redemption grow shorter with every passing day. If the Princes pardon him, and I mean formally pardon him for the world to see, the clan will have no choice but to accept him back into their ranks. If that ever happens, it will jeopardize everything you've worked for. Pretending he doesn't exist won't help us."</em> </strong>
</p><p>This couldn't happen. It wasn't over. This floor wasn't where the Leopard, the chosen one, the fucking Vampaneze Lord himself lay down and died. Not while Kurda Smahlt still walked the earth with his naive, poisonous dreams of peace. The fucking coward.</p><p>Then Darren looked over at him, looked Steve right in the eye. And for everything that happened between them, Steve still knew his best friend better than he knew himself. And in this moment, Darren looked like a little kid again. He was putting on a tough face like the steadfast Vampire Prince he was (what a fucking joke), but Steve saw through it like cracked glass. He was broken and exhausted.</p><p>And broken, exhausted people are easy prey.</p><p>Steve knew exactly what he'd do next. Part of him felt like he'd known it all along. smiled up at the ceiling, even though it hurt. Why settle for a posthumous legacy if he could stick around and pull those strings himself?</p><p>
  <em> <strong>"Now, don't plan to fail, or you will fail. But be flexible about your methods. Stick to your plan - you always shone more brightly than young Darren where foresight was concerned! But if you get an opportunity to go where no vampaneze has gone before, I suggest you take it."</strong> </em>
</p><p>Oh, he'd take it.</p><p>He'd take <em>all</em> of it.</p><p><strong>"<em>May the best team win!"</em> </strong>Desmond said.</p><p>Steve wasn't part of anyone's damn team. Smahlt proved that when he caused a civil war among the vampaneze with just a few words. As it turned out, the side Steve chose was just as weak and corruptible as the vampires he despised. No more of that. Kurda Smahlt thought he could drop from the ceiling like a fucking superhero and save the day with a rousing speech about how he was putting it all on the line for both clans, not just the vampires? And be naive enough to think it <em>worked</em>?</p><p>Steve would still take the crown. And when he did, it wouldn't be for the vampaneze. It would be for himself.</p><p>Vampires are wolves in person-shaped vessels. Pack animals for life, bonded by brotherhood. Hunt together, together. One for all, all for one, ride or die. Family first. Family forever. It's their biggest downfall, actually.</p><p>But the leopard is a solo hunter. Armed only with their teeth, claws, and wits. If a leopard falls, it won't be because there was a weak link in his pack. A leopard is a true apex predator who fights for their own survival, knowing there's no pack. There's no team. It's him against the world.</p><p>And the hunt isn't over until the apex predator says it's over.</p><p>
  <strong> <em> This is the calm before the coming storm</em> </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em> This is the red sky morning</em> </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em> Without warning now</em> </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em> This is the fight that we've been waiting for</em> </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em> And there's no sense in running</em> </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em> The hammer's coming down</em> </strong>
</p><p>Darren didn't know his body could shake this much, and the quantity of blood he'd transferred into Kurda's body had taken a toll. Darren knew it had been a bad idea, but no one else here could help Kurda now. Larten was already drifting in and out of consciousness - seconds after Kurda went down, Larten finally managed to deal Steve a near-death blow. But Steve got him back just as good, if not better. And they both went down.</p><p>Vancha left the cavern in a hurry. He planned to rendezvous with Harkat, Debbie, and Alice, promising to come back with help of some sort. Larten was in bad shape, and most of his injuries seemed to be internal. But Kurda's weren't. His crimson blood was spilling all over the cavern floor. Darren knew he couldn't do anything for Larten now. But he could put it all on the line for Kurda - just as Kurda did for him once upon a time in Vampire Mountain.</p><p>Darren didn't know if it would work when he sliced open his fingertips and pressed them into Kurda's. Meanwhile the mysterious vampaneze known as Shane Astor set about stopping the bleeding from Kurda's stab wound. Light-headed and dizzy, Darren didn't believe what he was seeing for a second. He almost threw up with relief as Kurda began to come around.</p><p>The war was over. The Vampaneze Lord was dead, well on his way to becoming a pile of ash in the blazing pit below. The future was secure - this was the moment Darren had dreamed of. The moment part of him never believed he'd live to see. He still didn't fully understand what had happened, why all those vampaneze had suddenly turned on their own, or how Kurda Smahlt had evidently orchestrated it.</p><p>Soon, Vancha returned with Harkat. Darren should have felt elated. But he knew only a sick, gnawing sensation in his stomach.</p><p>Vancha said Alice was waiting above-ground with a "borrowed" ambulance that would take them to a small municipal airport. Then they'd load him into a helicopter and get as close to Vampire Mountain as possible. Vancha would link telepathically with Mika or Arrow and have medics dispatched to meet up with them. They'd be Larten's only hope - turning him over to a human hospital would be worse than death.</p><p>But Darren had one more thing to do.</p><p>The sounds of the cavern blurred together and then faded completely from Darren's consciousness. The roaring of the flames below, the scattered groans from the wounded, even the disconcerted mutterings exchanged between Kurda and Harkat as they knelt beside Larten's still form... it all slipped away until all Darren knew was the sound of his own blood rushing in his ears, and the frenzied pounding of his heart as he advanced on what was left of the man who'd once been his best friend, his whole world. Steve's body was just as damaged from the fight as Larten's - he wouldn't be leaving this cave alive, whether Darren killed him or not.</p><p>Darren knew what he had to do, and he steeled himself to do it. He also knew it would haunt him for the rest of his life. As much as he hated Steve in this moment, as much as he didn't even recognize the twisted monster he'd become, no matter what he did, he was still Steve.</p><p>He was only a few feet away when Steve stirred and opened his eyes. They seemed hazy and unfocused, until they fixed upon Darren. The something changed. His cold eyes filled with a sudden panic that chilled Darren to the bone, as though he was seeing a ghost from the depths of hell itself. Then his bruised and bloodied lips began to move.</p><p>"Darren, what are you waiting for?" Harkat growled. "Kill him!"</p><p>"Not yet!" Steve gasped, sounding as though he was at death's door. "Wait... please. I need... to tell you... "</p><p>Darren didn't lower his guard, but he did pause.</p><p>"It's going to be a lie... whatever it is." Harkat added warningly.</p><p>Darren knelt beside Steve. Liar or not, he was too weak to pose a physical threat.</p><p>"You have ten seconds." Darren whispered. "But no matter what bullshit you feed me, just know you aren't leaving this place alive."</p><p>"Darren, you don't understand. I have... a family. Please. The Lord captured them... used them against me... I have no idea... where he's keeping them." Steve rasped, voice growing weaker with every word.</p><p>Of course. Another mind game. Darren didn't know what he'd expected.</p><p>"You're a fucking liar!" He snapped.</p><p>"I know... I've lied to you... so many times. I know there's... no reason you should... believe me... but this is the truth. This is... all I have..."</p><p>"You're right about one thing." Said Darren viciously. "There's not a single thing in this world that'll convince me to trust you again-"</p><p>"You don't... have to trust me. Fuck... you just have to... believe me. Check my... chest pocket. There's a photo... That's my family. If you can look into their eyes... and run a stake through my heart... then do it."</p><p>Darren knew better than to take his eyes off Steve's hands as he carefully reached into his pocket. He still felt liable to end up with a knife in his back if he blinked at the wrong time. But he did as he was told and withdrew a crumpled photo. And when he unfolded it and flattened it out for a better look, the world stopped turning.</p><p>It was one of those novelty Polaroids - which ruled out any photoshop tampering on Steve's end. This picture was real. Darren felt his lungs collapse, like all the oxygen had been vacuumed from them.</p><p>Impossible.</p><p>There was no fiber of Darren's being that accepted this. It couldn't be true.</p><p>The photo was set against the backdrop of what had clearly been a child's birthday party, blue balloons and streamers hung from the walls and there was the torn-up remnants of a piñata strung up in the corner. A modest kitchen table, a cake with four candles, and three people gathered around it.</p><p>One of them was Steve, who looked marginally the same as he did now. Not quite as muscular, and there was a smile on his face that looked alien in its sincerity - now that Darren knew his true darkness. His arm was around the shoulders of a young, dark-haired woman. She was just a little kid last time Darren saw her, but he'd recognize his baby sister at any age.</p><p><em>Annie</em>.</p><p>But it wasn't the sudden sight of his sister that stopped Darren's heart. And it wasn't even the way Steve was draped around her.</p><p>It was the boy sitting on Annie's lap, grinning at his birthday cake. It was the fact that he had the Shan smile, and the hair too, but his eyes were a mirror image of Steve.</p><p>"What are you waiting for?" Alice snarled at him as she supervised Vancha and Harkat rolling Larten onto the stretcher. "I can't hold that ambulance up there forever! We have a twenty-minute window to get to the helicopter before we lose our opportunity completely!"</p><p>Darren ignored her. His hands were shaking so hard he almost tore the photo. He didn't know how much time had passed when he looked back up to fix his pooling eyes upon Steve's weak form. All he knew was that the universe as he knew it was crumbling around him.</p><p>"Darren, what's the hold up?" Vancha bellowed impatiently. "Knife the bastard and roll his sorry carcass into that pit where it belongs!"</p><p>"That's not just my family, Darren..." Steve murmured, seeming not to hear Vancha's crude words. "Yours... too. His name... is Darius."</p><p>"How dare you?" Darren forced out through gritted teeth. His whole body was trembling violently now. "How fucking dare you?"</p><p>"You don't... owe me anything." Said Steve. "But everything I did... I did it for them... they were only safe if I did my job... and I failed..."</p><p>"Where are they, Steve? Steve? You son of a bitch, stay with me!"</p><p>But it was too late. Steve has fallen unconscious. Darren's gaze snapped upwards, focusing on Gannen who was standing calmly several feet away.</p><p>"He's dying." Harkat murmured.</p><p>"Is it true, Harst?" Darren snarled. "I know you can't lie!"</p><p>"The photo is real. What Steve said about his family is true." Said Gannen tonelessly.</p><p>"Tell me where my family is!" Darren bellowed up at the statue-like vampaneze.</p><p>"I do not know where they are. No vampaneze does, except the Lord and Steve. Otherwise I would tell you." Said Gannen gravely. "I had no desire to involve innocent humans in our war. The Vampaneze Lord is not so traditional."</p><p>"<em>Was</em>." Kurda grunted disdainfully in the direction of the pit. Gannen said nothing. Then he ambled cautiously over to Darren and laid a hand on the young man's back. Darren was shaking.</p><p>"If Steve dies... I'll never find them." Darren croaked. "I hate him so much for what he's done. I feel like I'm supposed to kill him so he can't hurt anyone else. But how can I kill him when it might make the difference between finding them and losing them forever?"</p><p>"The clan will help you, Darren." Said Kurda quietly. "Every vampire on this earth will gladly search for them until they're found. And so will the vampaneze that turned against their Lord today."</p><p>"You have to kill him." Harkat added. "It's what Larten... would want."</p><p>"You say that like Mr. Crepsley's already dead!" Darren snapped. "Trust me, I know what Steve is. But I also just found out he had a baby with my sister! I have a nephew! Harkat, this changes everything!" He turned back to Gannen. "What kind of danger are they in now that the Vampaneze Lord is dead?"</p><p>"I know not." Said Gannen.</p><p>"Was the Vampaneze Lord really using his... <em>my</em> family against Steve?" Darren added, his voice dropping from a growl to a whimper.</p><p>Gannen's face remained impassive and neutral. How did this man share DNA with Vancha?</p><p>"The Vampaneze Lord is a master of manipulation. He will use anyone and anything to achieve his endgame without hesitation or shame. Steve did orchestrate all of this with relish. Steve also loves his son fiercely, and would do much worse to ensure Darius's safety. Both are true." Said Gannen. "I offer you one final bargain. If you spare my assistant's life, I will cooperate with you. I will accept Kurda and Vancha's proposal, and begin to work towards clan unity."</p><p>Vancha fixed his brother with a shrewd stare.</p><p>"Surely the life of your assistant can't mean that much to you. What are you not telling us?" Said Vancha, his voice harsh and urgent.</p><p>Gannen held his brother's fiery gaze.</p><p>"I failed the Vampaneze Lord. He was a monster, but protecting him was my duty. Let me repent by refocusing my efforts into keeping my apprentice from turning into the same monster." the vampaneze murmured.</p><p>"I don't like it." Said Vancha. "I don't want him anywhere near Vampire Mountain. And if Larten was conscious, he'd object heavily as well."</p><p>"I know he would." Darren sighed. "If he was awake he'd push me into that pit for even suggesting it."</p><p>"I think you should roll Steve into the pit and be done with it." Said Vancha bluntly. "But neither of us can overrule the other. You know him better than I, so I will accept whatever you decide."</p><p>"The hospitals around here aren't an option." Kurda reminded him grimly. "He'll be taken in and held somewhere even you vampires won't be able to break him out. You'll never see him again if you turn him over to the humans, now that they know what he is. Which I don't think is a bad thing, but who's to say he wouldn't break himself out once he healed and go back to wreaking havoc without supervision?"</p><p>"We can keep an eye on him properly in Vampire Mountain." Said Darren, his face pale. "Vancha, I hate it too. But he's only a half-vampaneze. Even once he heals, he won't be able to hold his own against armies of fully-blooded vampires. He'll be my prisoner until he tells me where my family is... and once they're safe and far away from him, Gannen can have him back." Darren added, dead-eyeing the vampaneze. "If you swear on your life that you won't let him hurt any more innocent people. And if he slips up, I need your word that you'll kill him."</p><p>"Very well. Sire Shan, I give you my word that I will adhere to your conditions." Gannen agreed.</p><p>"Then we have a deal." Said Darren weakly.</p><p>"There won't be room for me on the helicopter, so I'll see the rest of you in a few days. Obviously my brother and I have a lot to dicsuss, and I need to meet with some of the vampaneze behind this unprecedented revolt. Once we've tied our loose ends, I will flit back to the mountain and we'll figure out what's next." Vancha told Darren wearily. But then he smiled. "But for now... you can celebrate. The war is over."</p><p>"Sire March?" Kurda spoke up hesitantly. "Permission to accompany you for the first of the peace talks?"</p><p>Vancha chuckled as he looked Kurda up and down.</p><p>"Trust me, Smahlt. There'll be more peace talks and more meetings in your future than you could've imagined in your wildest dreams." the green-haired Prince grinned. "But for now... go back to Vampire Mountain with the rest and tell them what happened. I want Mika and Arrow to hear about your intervention firsthand. Eventually the four of us will have to meet formally; repealing an exile sentence requires a hearing and a unanimous vote. But for now... Darren's word will be enough to keep the guards from striking you down on site. Your reputation won't be restored overnight and I can't promise a warm welcome, but you'll be safe."</p><p>"Safety is more than I could've expected. Never mind a warm welcome." Kurda replied.</p><p>"Have fun explaining your <em>other</em> special guest to Mika and Arrow when you get back." Vancha addressed Darren, suddenly serious again as he looked down at Steve. "I cannot give you orders, Darren. But I expect you to be upfront with them about who he is and why you've brought him back. And if it goes to a vote among the Princes whether he gets to stay and make a full recovery in the mountain, I'll tell you right now I'll be voting against it. But I'm trusting you know what you're doing."</p><p>Darren sighed heavily. He didn't hold that against Vancha at all.</p><p>Steve lied as easily as he breathed, and Darren wouldn't have believed him for a second - if not for the damned photograph.</p><p>"I accept all of that." he murmured. "Now let's all get out of here."</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Hold on</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong> We'll make it 'til the dawn</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong> It'll be here before long</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong> Hold on</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong> If we can find the light</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em> <strong> We can make our way back home</strong> </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Exit poll:</p><p>1- How many of you thought I was going to take the fakeout chapter from book 9 and make it reality?</p><p>2- How many of you thought I was going to leave Larten's fate as-is in canon?</p><p>3-How many of you thought I was actually going to nuke Kurda for a second there?</p><p>4- Are you surprised I had enough restraint to write an entire chapter with zero Mika? (I'm surprised)</p><p>5- In a million years would you have predicted any of this?</p><p>Seriously, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for getting invested in this absolute shitstorm!</p><p>And a very special Happy 83rd Birthday to the Queen Arra Fan coming up this Tuesday, DitzyFreda! I hope you enjoyed a tiny moment of Arra sitting on "her" throne. That part was all for you!</p><p>See you guys next time! Next chapter will most definitely not take as long as this one did. I already have a big chunk of it written.</p><p>Thanks again!</p><p>-Roxy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. You Haven't Met The New Me Yet</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>After giving you the best I had, Tell me what to give after that<br/>All you want from me now is the green light of forgiveness<br/>You haven't met the new me yet<br/>And I think he'll give you that</p><p>***</p><p>Seven years post-Kurdapocalypse, one convicted traitor finds himself back in the very place it all came crashing down around him. Under the protection of the same kid who blew his plan out of the water, no less. How the turn tables. Needless to say, Mika has some thoughts.</p><p>Completely unrelated: You know that scene near the end of a horror movie where everyone’s dancing around thinking the monster is dead? But the audience knows they’re actually not? Oh, no reason. I just love those movies, that’s all. </p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Going from a 36 day turnaround to 4 days? I'll take it.</p><p>Ok this might not be everyone’s idea of an exciting chapter but for me, this is the holy grail. this is my reward for getting through the last two, which were beyond difficult to write. To put it in perspective - last chapter took me well over a month and I suffered the entire time. This chapter was largely written over one weekend. It flowed the entire time, and I enjoyed every moment of it and it was a refreshing reminder of why I’m doing this.</p><p>I don’t always go this deep with my song meanings, but I really enjoyed pairing this song with this chapter because in many obvious ways, the lyrics could be Mika and Kurda talking to each other. But in a bigger sense, it could also be Kurda vs the clan as a whole. While Kurda is still not necessarily a popular public figure, the Princes aren’t the only vampires who’ve come to realize they haven’t always been in the right. There’s just a lot going on here.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> <strong>Honey, when I'm above the trees</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>I see this for what it is</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>But now I'm right down in it, all the years I've given</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Is just shit we're dividin' up</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Showed you all of my hiding spots</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>I was dancing when the music stopped</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>And in the disbelief, I can't face reinvention</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>I haven't met the new me yet</strong> </em>
</p><p>Arrow quickly realized when something was off with Mika. Something else on top of the fallout of Gracie's attack, or the injuries Mika sustained that night, now over a week ago. Mika had been handling all of it with a quiet, gritty resolve. At least, his professional obligations - the parts Arrow saw. But suddenly Mika was withdrawn, almost dazed, even while on duty.</p><p>Mika didn't intend to ever let Kurda's letter see the light of day. Those words were nobody's business except his and Gracie's. But he quickly found himself with no choice but to at least tell Arrow. Mika had always been exceptionally talented at masking his emotions. But he'd recently come to the conclusion that either A) the turmoil of the past few years had eroded that particular skill and his poker face simply wasn't what it used to be. <em>Which was extremely plausible. </em>Or B) he'd never actually been equipped to handle<em> this much emotion </em>in the first place and was failing magnificently.</p><p>Arrow watched Mika suspiciously for about a day and a half, then finally called him out one night after dismissing a meeting in which Mika seemed to spend the majority of his time staring blankly at the wall. And Mika knew there was no point hiding such an all-consuming secret from someone who was such a huge part of his life. He silently pulled the letter out of his pocket and handed it over to Arrow.</p><p>Arrow's face remained solemn and expressionless as he read it over, which was strange for him. He tended to wear his emotions on his sleeve. When he finished, he dead-eyed Mika, visibly shocked beyond words.</p><p>"The night Gracie was attacked, Kurda said there was a letter in his old room... and that I should read it. Took me a week, but I finally read it last night." Mika explained with feigned calm, feeling he needed to break the silence. "Just another day in my life, right?" He added with a ghost of a laugh.</p><p>Arrow said nothing, just bowed his head and pressed his palms into his face wearily. When he finally looked up, he somehow appeared even more tired and dazed than Mika felt.</p><p>"Does Gracie know?" Arrow asked.</p><p>"You think I'd keep a secret from that kid after everything we've been through?" Mika snorted. Arrow nodded thoughtfully.</p><p>"You know how much I hated Kurda for what he did to us." Arrow croaked out eventually. "I had a list of reasons I wanted to kill him on sight if I ever saw his face again."</p><p>"A, we've beaten this topic to death. I can't do this again." Mika countered weakly. "I know how you feel about the vampaneze, but-"</p><p>"It was more than the vampaneze. It was the way he hurt you." Arrow cut him off bluntly. "Plotting to take out Paris and me? Whatever. Glad it didn't work out, but I never took it personally. No love lost. But for him to do that to you? Or as it turns out, to let you believe he was going to do that to you? This doesn't make it any less fucked, Mika."</p><p>Mika held Arrow's gaze calmly.</p><p>"I didn't say it wasn't fucked. I don't even know how I feel about it. You asked what was going on with me, and now you know."</p><p>Arrow sighed deeply, and reached out to roughly grip Mika's hand.</p><p>"As a Prince, I've accepted Kurda's plan was made with noble intentions. I even applaud his courage, a little bit." Arrow rumbled, voice thick with emotion. "But as your friend and chosen brother... I resent him as much now as I did back then."</p><p>"That's fair, I guess." Said Mika tonelessly. "It's not like you thought much of him at the best of times."</p><p>"I never understood what you saw in him." Said Arrow. "I only saw how you looked at him. And I saw how you cried on the floor the night he left. I've never seen anyone love anything that much."</p><p>"I have." Said Mika, so quietly he wasn't sure if Arrow would even hear him. "You. Sarah."</p><p>Arrow rolled his eyes, which suddenly looked a little damp. Then he cleared his throat loudly and sat up straighter.</p><p>"I have a meeting in an hour." He grunted, suddenly unable to look at Mika. "We're not going there right now."</p><p>"Too bad." Said Mika sardonically, also flipping the switch back to business-casual. "My evening's wide open. I was just gearing up for a good breakdown. Maybe get drunk. The usual. Thought you might join me."</p><p>"You're such a mess." Arrow snorted. But he shot Mika a fond grin, which he returned. For a moment, they just sat in an easy, comfortable silence.</p><p>"Hey, how's it going with Renley? When are you going to let him act like your boyfriend in public?" Arrow inquired, with sudden and very earnest interest that wiped the smile from Mika's face just as quickly as it appeared. Arrow noticed this, and his face fell too. "What? Don't tell me you broke up with him. You and I both know you're vain as all fuck, and there really aren't many other attractive vampires in this clan. And even I can admit Renley is -"</p><p>"There was nothing to break up." Said Mika flatly. "It ran its course, whatever it was. He was a distraction when I needed it, and a friend when you and I weren't speaking. I care about him a lot, and I always will. But now Gracie's here, and her whole life just changed. I need to focus on myself, so I can take care of her."</p><p>Arrow arched an eyebrow and glared.</p><p>"Mika, I love you. But that's the biggest load of shit I've ever heard in my life."</p><p>"Is that right?" Said Mika resignedly.</p><p>"Yes, it is!" Arrow huffed. "You're using Gracie as an excuse, it's so transparent."</p><p>"And if I was ready for another relationship, I wouldn't be reaching for an excuse to shut it down." Mika snapped back.</p><p>Arrow heaved a rather dramatic sigh of defeat. He looked so disappointed Mika couldn't help but feel endeared.</p><p>"Fine. You know yourself best. I'll never bring it up again."</p><p>"I'd appreciate it." Said Mika.</p><p>They lapsed into comfortable silence, enjoying the rare emptiness of the hall and each other's familiar presence.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> <strong>There'll be happiness after you</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>But there was happiness because of you</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Both of these things can be true</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>There is happiness</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>BACK IN THE CITY</strong>
</p><p>Kurda was very tempted to ask what exactly it took for Vancha and his new friend Alice to commandeer both an ambulance and a helicopter in such a short amount of time, but he figured this wasn't the time or place. He'd gathered that Alice was a high-ranking police official and had a good amount of influence. She was also ex-military with a helicopter license. Was that license up to date? No one asked. Once you factored in Vancha's super-strength, speed, and magic gas, the theft probably hadn't been all that difficult to pull off.</p><p>Alice had used some of the ambulance's medical supplies to help stabilize Larten for the flight. And then very, very begrudgingly did the same for Steve, shooting Darren icy glares all the while. Then she slipped into the driver's seat, Vancha hopped into the passenger side and away they went. Larten and Steve were both very much unconscious, both strapped to stretchers in the back of the ambulance with Darren, Harkat, and Kurda sitting beside them.</p><p>As they pulled into the quiet municipal airport where the helicopter waited, Kurda's mouth felt so dry he could hardly speak. But he knew it was now or never.</p><p>"Vancha, are you sure?" He forced out.</p><p>Vancha didn't have to ask what Kurda was referring to. He turned wearily in his seat to fix Kurda with a stern but sympathetic gaze.</p><p>"Do you not want to go back to the mountain?" He asked. "If you truly don't feel ready, I will not force you. But I think you should. You're the one who organized a rebellion among the vampaneze. They need to know that side of the story."</p><p>"You weren't there when I left." Kurda croaked. He didn't mean to interrupt Vancha but the ambulance was slowing to a stop and the words were tumbling out of his mouth. "You didn't see the way they all looked at me at the trial."</p><p>"Can you blame them?" Darren spoke up, his voice thin and shaky, face pale. He'd been very quiet after leaving the cavern. "Trust me, we're not going to be picking up your investiture ceremony right where we left off last time. Your intervention today was enough to for us to justify giving you safe passage back into the mountain. That's it. I can order them not to kill you, but I can't force them to respect you." He continued determinedly. "That's something you have to earn back. But I saved you because I believe it's possible."</p><p>Kurda nodded slowly. He hadn't had a chance to properly speak with Darren one-on-one yet. He had a universe of words to say to that boy but had no idea where to begin. But it could wait. Vancha looked from Darren, to Kurda, and back to Darren.</p><p>"Well said, Sire Shan." Said Vancha, his eyes crinkling warmly at his young colleague. "He's absolutely right, Kurda. It's going to be a long way back. And you may never fully restore your honour to what it once was."</p><p>"I don't expect to ever be a Prince now." Said Kurda quickly. "I don't even expect to be a General again."</p><p>"One night at a time." Said Vancha, holding up a hand to silence Kurda. Then they spoke no more as the vehicle came to a stop, and the group set about loading the wounded into the aircraft. Kurda had never flown before, and he didn't exactly feel confident as he climbed into the machine behind Harkat. But this loud, unsteady thing was going to take him home. And for better or worse, even though it terrified him, he couldn't imagine going anywhere else.</p><p>"Smahlt, one more thing." Vancha called over the roar of the chopper blades, seconds before takeoff. Kurda paused before slamming the door shut. "Has Mika read that letter yet?"</p><p>"Yes. He has."</p><p>"Good."</p><p>"Are you going to warn him that I'm coming back?" Kurda asked hesitantly.</p><p>Vancha rolled his eyes and scoffed, but grinned wildly.</p><p>"Your personal disasters are the least of my problems, Smahlt! Have a safe flight!" He cackled, before slamming the door.</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Past the blood and bruise</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Past the curses and cries</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Beyond the terror in the nightfall</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Haunted by the look in my eyes</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>That would've loved you for a lifetime</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Leave it all behind</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>And there is happiness</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>VAMPIRE MOUNTAIN:</strong>
</p><p>"Are you sure you don't want Kurda around for this?" Mika asked gingerly.</p><p>Gracie shook her head decisively. They were sitting on the floor of her room, a few feet away from each other. The moment she'd been fighting for was finally upon her. When she stood up, she'd be a half-vampire.</p><p>"I'll always love him, and I want to be on good terms with him again... but that doesn't change that he let us suffer for years before he finally told you about the letter. You're the one who had my back through all of that. So you're the only one I need here for this."</p><p>Mika nodded mutely. He wasn't about to tell her she was wrong. She saw his hesitation and her determined face softened fractionally.</p><p>"Maybe in a few years he can finish what you started." She mused. "He can be the one to take me from half-vampire to full... if he wants to. But for now, it's you and me."</p><p>"Okay, Gracie." Mika whispered, trying and failing to keep his voice from catching in his throat. "If that's what you want, I'm all in."</p><p>She nodded, then paused.</p><p>"Is he going to be mad at me when he finds out I joined the clan?" She asked with some apprehension.</p><p>"No." Said Mika, shaking his head firmly. "He will absolutely not be mad at you. I'm sure he'll have a few strong words for me whenever we see each other next, but I can take it. It's your choice, and it's an honour to share my blood with you."</p><p>"Alright. What happens next?"</p><p>"I make a little cut in each of your fingertips, and my own. Then we connect them, and exchange blood."</p><p>"Sounds easy enough. Let's do it."</p><p>Mika winced internally. He'd been pretty confident going into his own blooding, but he didn't think he'd been quite <em>that </em>confident.</p><p>"It'll be over quickly but it's going to hurt. You'll get dizzy and likely pass out." He warned her. "But I'll make sure your head doesn't hit the floor."</p><p>"Good to know." She replied calmly.</p><p>Mika paused again. His heart was pounding like he was running.</p><p>"Are you sure you want to do this, Gracie? Really, really sure?"</p><p>She let out a long sigh of exasperation, rolled her eyes, and ran her hand through her hair - who does that sequence of motions remind you of?</p><p>"We can have that conversation as many times as you want, but my answer isn't going to change." She informed Mika swiftly. "And if you stall one more time, I'm going to push you off this mountain."</p><p>Mika arched an eyebrow.</p><p>"And that would benefit you... how, exactly?"</p><p>"Dad!"</p><p>"Fine."</p><p>Mika didn't flinch when he sliced into each of the fingertips on his left hand. But he sure as hell flinched when Gracie held her hand out to him expectantly. He took a deep, steadying breath as he looked down at her hand - so soft and tiny compared to his own. The act of cutting into those fragile little things felt like an insurmountable wall.</p><p>Gracie rolled her eyes again. Then before Mika could react, Gracie pulled the knife from his hand and made the cuts herself.</p><p>"Thanks." Said Mika, so quietly she could barely hear him. "I don't think I could've-"</p><p>"I know." Gracie replied, not without compassion. "It's okay. Now let's get started."</p><p>"One more thing. Once you're a vampire, you're actually going to have to listen to me." Said Mika, laughing weakly despite himself.</p><p>"Okay, that does it. I change my mind."</p><p>"Really?"</p><p>"No!"</p><p>"You know I won't be able to give you preferential treatment from now on." Mika remarked.</p><p>"I know!"</p><p>"Just double-checking. And for the record, you and I both know I'll give you preferential treatment anyway. I just have to be subtle about it."</p><p>"Obviously."</p><p>"Alright. Here we go."</p><p>Mika took a deep breath.</p><p>
  <em>This is my life now. I can handle it... right? Can I handle it?!</em>
</p><p>Then he raised his hand slowly til it was level with Gracie's. His hand was shaking. Hers was not. And he took comfort in that. He exhaled one last time, steadied himself, and prepared to press his fingertips against hers.</p><p>
  <em>This is us.</em>
</p><p>Mika always saw his life as divided into two eras. The expanse of time between his birth til the moment Kurda's investiture was derailed, taking Mika's life down with it. And the second era - the time that came after that. The aftermath. But for better or worse, nothing lasts forever. And with just a few words from Vancha, that era came to a crashing halt just like the one before it.</p><p>
  <em>VM: Mika, are you awake?</em>
</p><p>Mika abruptly stiffened and froze as Vancha's consciousness connected with his own, and Gracie watched him with visible concern and light annoyance.</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Yeah. In the middle of something, though.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>VM: Not anymore you're not.</em>
</p><p>Mika frowned.</p><p>"It's Vancha." He told Gracie in a low voice, pointing to the side of his head. "Sorry, just hang on a second."</p><p>Gracie shot him a stern look as though she thought he was stalling for time, but didn't object.</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Make it fast.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>VM: Listen. Need you to round up the medics and dispatch them all to the eastern way station closest to the mountain, the one near the canyon. There's going to be a helicopter landing there - Darren's in it and he'll explain everything.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Pardon the fuck out of you? What's everything? Where'd you get a helicopter? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>VM: No time! Do it!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Vancha, you have to give me something here.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>VM: The Vampaneze Lord is dead. It's over-</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: And why in the ever-loving fuck didn't you lead with that?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>VM: Because if you don't get those medics on standby right now, we're going to lose Larten - if we haven't already.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: ...Fuck.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>VM: There's a hell of a lot more to this, but it's too much to explain right now. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: I understand. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>VM: Tell Arrow what I told you, and tell him to stay in the mountain. I'll be back in a few days and we'll need all four of us on deck. Damn the rules.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Will do. And I'll send the medics.</em>
</p><p>And then Vancha withdrew abruptly from Mika's head, and the sudden dead air between them told Mika he'd begun flitting and was no longer reachable. Mika returned his focus to Gracie with some difficulty.</p><p>"News?" Gracie prompted him impatiently, eyebrows raised.</p><p>Mika, dazed, nodded slowly as it sunk in.</p><p>"It's over." He whispered. He could feel his lips moving, but the words sounded distant as though he was hearing a recording of his own voice.</p><p>"What's over? Are you okay?"</p><p>"The Vampaneze Lord was killed." Mika cut her off swiftly. Stringing together five words in a row was no mean feat considering his face was going numb. Every other time he'd experienced such an intense, visceral level of emotion had been tied to some sort of trauma - Kurda's betrayal, Paris's death, Gracie's attack. But this didn't hurt like those other times. The only moment he'd ever felt remotely like this was when he read Kurda's letter. It was a halting sense of confliction - his heart recognized a win while his mind, far too accustomed to turmoil and pain, was slower to lower its guard. Knowing there had to be some sort of catch.</p><p>"We have to go tell Arrow right now." Said Mika apologetically. "I swear I'm not making excuses. We'll circle back to this, I promise."</p><p>She arched an eyebrow, but recognized the gravity of the situation.</p><p>"Fine. But I'm holding you to that." Said Gracie, starting to smile.</p><p>"I appreciate your patience." Mika told her in a tone of mock professionalism.</p><p>"Whatever you say, <em>Sire</em>." She shot back sarcastically. She rolled her eyes again, but her face was quickly lighting up with relief and happiness. And so was Mika's. For a second, they both just sat there taking it all in.</p><p>
  <em>The war is over.</em>
</p><p>Mika felt like he was suspended in a dreamlike state as he moved throughout the mountain rounding up the medics and dispatching them to meet up with the aircraft that was carrying the Hunters minus Vancha. It was surreal.</p><p>Then he remembered his vague, cryptic telepathic conversation with Kurda. And Mika knew immediately he had something to do with this.</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Kurda?</em>
</p><p>No answer.</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Where are you? </em>
</p><p>Radio silence. Mika felt a chill settle into his spine.</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Kurda? Answer me. Please.</em>
</p><p>Kurda wasn't dead; Mika could feel his mental signal. But the silence between their minds was unsettling. Maybe he was sleeping. Maybe he was unconscious.</p><p>Mika reached for Vancha again, desperate for more clarification, even a shred. But there was a static between them that indicated Vancha was mid-flit, as expected. Mika couldn't dwell on Kurda's whereabouts, though. At least not as much as he would have if the entire mountain wasn't erupting into chaos around him. Nevertheless, anxiety gnawed a hole in his stomach lining as he made his rounds updating the guards and visiting Generals.</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Tell me, when did your winning smile</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Begin to look like a smirk?</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>When did all our lessons start to look like weapons</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Pointed at my deepest hurt?</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>I hope she'll be your beautiful fool</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Who takes my spot next to you</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>No, I didn't mean that</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Sorry, I can't see facts through all of my fury</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>You haven't met the new me yet</strong> </em>
</p><p>SOMEWHERE HIGH ABOVE THE FOREST</p><p>Kurda thought about reaching out telepathically and warning Mika he was on his way back. He didn't know if that would make an already dizzying situation any easier, though. Ultimately he decided to keep quiet. Vancha would have already relayed the big news back to the mountain. The death of the Vampaneze Lord and the abrupt end of the war would be more than enough information for Mika to process at once. He'd find out the rest of the story soon enough.</p><p>It didn't take long for Kurda to realize he really, really hated flying. Five minutes in and his heart was hammering a hole in his chest. Compound that with the fact that his head was already spinning from <em>literally everything else</em>, it just wasn't a good time. Ten minutes into takeoff, he passed out from a combination of panic and blood loss. He was told he came around about half an hour later and would be just fine. He avoided looking out the window and instead stared directly in front of him at the back of the pilots chair in which sat Alice. Darren sat next to her, hunched forward with his face in his hands. Harkat sat behind Darren - Kurda couldn't tell if the Little Person was still awake but he was extremely still. And of course there were the two wounded parties. Steve stirred every now and then but Larten was completely still. All Kurda wanted to do was talk to Darren, tell him he was proud of him - for whatever that was worth. But the interior of the aircraft was noisy, and the thick earmuffs Alice had given them did nothing to muffle the pounding of the blades against their sensitive vampiric eardrums.</p><p>Then Kurda's heart rate increased exponentially as he realized how soon he'd be facing not just the clan, not just Mika, but his own daughter as well.</p><p>It seemed like an entire lifetime had passed since, but it was only a week ago he'd seen her for the first time in seven years. Reunited in the most excruciating way imaginable. That gruesome, terrifying, blood-stained night from hell where he almost lost his entire world on one shot. They saved each other that night; Mika and Kurda. And then Gracie saved both of them. Kurda's mind was still reeling from <em>that</em>, never mind everything that came after. Kurda had spent seven years longing to go back to Vampire Mountain. He was also scared to death of going back to Vampire Mountain. Both could be true at the same time.</p><p>Sometimes, he thought of the golden memories. The ones that made him glad to be alive. The friendships, the camaraderie, the triumphs. The way he made himself proud in ways he never expected. Achieving a Generalship. Raising Gracie there. Training Cyrus there. Falling in love with Mika there. Slowly but surely building up a solid reputation for himself against all odds, that cumulated to an investiture nomination. Everything good in his life happened there. Vampire Mountain built Kurda from the ground up.</p><p>Other times, he thought about the darkness that made him question everything he knew. The countless times over the decades he'd argued with his colleagues til he lost his voice, and no matter what he said they refused to see reason where clan relations were concerned. He thought about every single time someone callously dismissed every single thing about him, simply because he wasn't interested in fighting, and how that quickly became the only thing anyone acknowledged about him.</p><p>He thought about the funny looks, the cruel jabs he'd received when his relationship with Mika went public. And of course, it was only ever Kurda's name that got dragged through the mud. Because Mika existed on a pedestal while Kurda was the social-climbing odd duck. It wasn't surprising, but it still stung.</p><p>He thought about how powerless he felt upon learning of the original prophecy. And even though his position as both a Prince-elect <em>and</em> Mika's significant other gave him more sway than just about anyone else, he still knew it would be futile to waste time trying to get the Princes and Generals to grasp the reality of the threat. And it would have been impossible to convince them to take measures drastic enough to keep the clan safe. And with that sobering realization, Kurda went rogue. And hated himself every second for it.</p><p>And he thought about Darren. How his unassuming charm and gritty determination just about turned the whole mountain upside-down. How that kid earnestly agreed to the Trials of Fucking Initiation without even knowing he was almost certainly signing his life away. How he could've fucked off and let Kurda's investiture go according to (secret) plan. He didn't owe anything to anyone in that place. They would've let him die over a technicality. They didn't deserve for him to come back. But he was fully prepared to lay down his life for those who would've taken his. The entire situation still made Kurda's blood boil seven years later.</p><p>There was so much he wanted to say to so many people. And never in his wildest dreams would he have thought he'd get the chance.</p><p>His turbulent thoughts were temporarily quieted when Alice required his navigational assistance. Vancha told her which direction to fly in, but Kurda's internal compass knew exactly how to get to the way station they needed to land at. Darren would develop the same sense later in life once he was fully-blooded.</p><p>It looked like every medic in the mountain, along with a handful of guards had arrived to bring them in. But it was with good reason. The still-unconscious Larten and Steve would need several vampires on each side to carry their stretchers. And neither Harkat nor Darren could flit on their own; they'd have to be carried as well. Kurda wished he could've seen the expression on Mika's face when Vancha told him to coordinate this rendezvous. Knowing Vancha, he probably provided minimal context too.</p><p>Kurda waited a moment before exiting the helicopter.</p><p>"Thank you all for meeting us here." Darren greeted the escort over the whirring machinery. "I understand you're probably operating on minimal information, and I apologize. Everything will be made clearer soon enough. One of our wounded is of course Larten Crepsley. The other is not someone familiar with Vampire Mountain. He is to receive medical attention in our infirmary, and then he will be held as a maximum-security war prisoner."</p><p>They were all visibly confused but they nodded obediently.</p><p>"Next order of business." Darren continued fiercely. "Kurda Smahlt travelled here with us. His exile sentence has been temporarily suspended by the orders of both Sire March and myself. He is with me. You are not to harm him. Am I understood?"</p><p>More nodding. Less enthusiasm. But whatever disapproving comments they surely muttered were drowned out by the helicopter as Kurda joined them on the ground. The group didn't waste time standing around in the cold, though. Kurda almost offered to help carry one of the stretchers, but thought that might be a little too much too soon. The flit back to the mountain was cold and arduous. It took several hours but that wasn't enough time for Kurda to prepare for the moment that infamous mountain peak rose up into his line of vision. For a moment he almost ran. Almost turned and flitted away into the night, remembering the pain he endured as he was chained, beaten, thrown into a cell, dragged back out again - through a mob of the worst physical and verbal abuse he'd ever endured, and finally put on trial for the entire clan.</p><p>But more than all that, he remembered Mika's face during the trial. The numb, helpless, heartbreak in Mika's eyes as he had no choice but to sit and listen as the man he loved revealed the ugly truth. Kurda knew he wasn't redeemed yet. Not by a long shot. He also knew better than to believe there was a hope in hell for things between him and Mika to ever go back to the way they were.</p><p>But then again... yesterday he studied the maps into that Cavern of Hell knowing he wouldn't make it out alive. Today, he'd walk back into the room where he'd left everything he ever loved. And he'd tell Mika, in his own words, that it was over. That everything was finally okay again. That they were all safe. So if he'd learned anything from this, it was that nobody really knew what the fuck was about to happen at any given time.</p><p>Once Larten and Steve had been rushed to the infirmary, Kurda followed Darren up through the mountain, listening numbly as Darren ordered guard after guard to stand down when they tensed at the sudden sight of Vampire Mountain's notorious traitor. Kurda let Darren do the talking. Partially because he felt like he might throw up or pass out if he even opened his mouth. But he liked to think that seven years ago while showing the boy around the mountain for the first time, Darren had felt as safe with Kurda as Kurda felt with Darren right now.</p><p>After what felt like a lifetime, he found himself staring down that massive, magical doorway that stood between the Hall of Princes and the rest of the world.</p><p>Darren glanced at him and managed a thin smile. He paused before laying his hand on the door control panel.</p><p>"Ready?" The young Prince asked.</p><p>"No." Said Kurda honestly. But he smiled back.</p><p>"Wrong answer." Darren exhaled a weak chuckle and reached for the panel.</p><p>
  <em>KS: Hey Mika. Make a wish.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>There'll be happiness after me</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>But there was happiness because of me</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Both of these things, I believe</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>There is happiness</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>In our history, across our great divide</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>There is a glorious sunrise</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Dappled with the flickers of light</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>From the dress I wore at midnight, leave it all behind</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>And there is happiness</strong> </em>
</p><p>It felt like days elapsed until a breathless guard finally arrived to alert him of the Hunters' arrival back in the mountain. The Hall of Princes was already filling up with the few dozen vampires that were currently staying in the mountain.</p><p>"Announcing the arrival of Sire Darren Shan and his travelling companions!" The young vampire gasped as he came galloping into the Hall of Princes where Mika and Arrow were impatiently waiting.</p><p>"About fucking time." Arrow blurted out.</p><p>Mika opened his mouth to say something, but no sound came out because for the first time since the news broke, he finally heard Kurda's voice in his head.</p><p>
  <em>KS: Hey, Mika. Make a wish. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>MVL: Kurda? Where are you?</em>
</p><p>The guard said something else, but Mika would never know what it was because his concentration was obliterated well beyond repair. Darren and Harkat trudged through the massive hall doors, but they may as well</p><p>have been invisible to Mika's eyes. Surely this was a hallucination, or a mirage. Gods knew Mika had enough poorly-managed concussions to knock a few things loose in his head at this point.</p><p>Darren made his way up the aisle, limping but determined. Harkat walked at his left. And on Darren's right side was the fucking fever dream itself.</p><p>"What the hell is going on here?! Everyone, clear the hall!" Arrow barked. But Mika barely heard him. And apparently no one else did either, because the Hall was erupting into chaos.</p><p>Kurda was with them.</p><p>Kurda was here. In Vampire Mountain.</p><p>The war was over.</p><p>And Kurda was here.</p><p>
  <em>System. Fucking. Overload.</em>
</p><p>Time froze. Mika felt a chilling flash of déjà-vu. He felt like he'd already lived this moment, and it damn near killed him. Sitting here, clinging to his composure with both hands because the sight of Kurda standing there alone, confessing to high treason, was enough to blow the roof off Mika's perfected <em>fake-ass</em> facade of calmness.</p><p>"Did you know he was coming back?" Gracie's voice suddenly jerked Mika back to reality. She'd been sitting beside him on Paris's old throne. He turned to look at her; her eyes were wide and face was pale.</p><p>"No." Mika replied quickly. "I had no idea."</p><p>Darren looked on the verge of a mental breakdown as he approached the throne platform. Kurda and Harkat looked somber. All three looked like they'd been to hell and back - they were bruised, bleeding, and limping. Kurda's eyes darted around the hall anxiously, as though expecting to be attacked. After all, the last time he was in this room he'd been beaten and chained.</p><p>"He's with me!" Darren shouted into the crowd as they bellowed at Kurda. "Nobody touches him!"</p><p>And then Kurda looked at them - Mika and Gracie - and smiled. A smile so faint it would've been imperceptible to anyone else. But to Mika, it shone like the North Star. The guiding light that pointed him home. Mika wanted to run to him, throw his arms around him and never let go. He couldn't do that - but he couldn't stop himself from slowly rising from his throne and walking towards Kurda, pulled by some magnetic force beyond his control, all the while fearing any second now he'd wake up back in his coffin to find out it was all a dream.</p><p>"Fancy meeting you here." Kurda croaked as Mika came within earshot. His voice was a pained rasp, but he managed a shaky smile. "Did you make a wish like I told you to?"</p><p>"You didn't really give me time to think about it." Mika forced out, so quietly he could barely even hear himself. "Kurda... <em>what the fuck?"</em></p><p>"I figured I'd surprise you." Kurda replied weakly. "You were supposed to wish for me to come back, and then I'd appear. It was going to be a whole thing. But you ruined it."</p><p>"Because it worked out so well the last time you surprised me in this room?!"</p><p>Now that Mika was closer, he could see there were painful-looking burns, cuts, and bruises on Kurda's hands and forearms, and a few on his face as well. And the grey sweater he was wearing did nothing to hide the deep red stains that littered his torso. He was breathing heavily as though in a lot of pain, but he stood as straight-backed and honourably as he had at his trial. Both then and now, he acted as if he couldn't hear the shouts of outrage and muttered curses directed at him. If he hadn't walked into this room at Darren's side, the crowd would've torn him to pieces on sight.</p><p>"You do look like you're about to throw up." Kurda remarked with an uncomfortable chuckle. "There was no easy way to explain any of this telepathically. Sorry."</p><p>"Kurda, I have no idea what I'm supposed to be saying to you right now-"</p><p>It hadn't been long since they'd seen each other, exchanged a few brief but loaded words in the park after rescuing Gracie. But it had been years since Mika accepted the reality that never again would he see Kurda <em>here</em>, in Vampire Mountain, the clan's sacred home. He'd accepted that whatever interactions they'd have after the exile would be limited, awkward, and excruciating. And til now, it had been two for two.</p><p>"You're not supposed to be saying anything to me." Kurda murmured. His voice was low and comforting, even as he was visibly wincing from the effort of remaining upright. "You're supposed to be sitting patiently while Darren explains everything. You and I will talk later. I'm not going anywhere."</p><p>Then Kurda's arm twitched, as though stifling an instinct to reach out to Mika, to take his hand, or hug him or something.</p><p><em>I'm not going anywhere</em> was just about enough to unravel Mika completely. But he took a deep breath and nodded stiffly. Kurda was right.</p><p>"Everything's going to be okay." Kurda added softly but firmly. "Now go sit down."</p><p>"Back for five minutes and already bossing me around... yeah, that checks out." Mika commented, still feeling like he was hallucinating one hundred and ten percent of this situation.</p><p>His eyes stayed locked into Kurda's. For a second, the rest of the world melted away like it had when they knelt on the concrete together, arms tangled around each other and Gracie after the danger had passed. And just like that night, the world spun on with no regard for their personal turmoil.</p><p>"Darren, is it true?" Arrow practically shouted as the youngest Prince finally reached the front of the room. His eyes were also bugging at the sight of Kurda, but he remained focused on the bigger picture. Which had almost certainly been a massive struggle for him. Despite the progress Arrow had made recently, Mika wasn't quite sure he'd leave Arrow and Kurda alone together yet.</p><p>"The Vampaneze Lord has been killed? It's over?!" Arrow added loudly, prompting the surrounding vampires to shout questions at Darren even louder than before.</p><p>"Yes." Said Darren at last. His voice was clearly strained, but it didn't waver and it carried clearly across the room. "The message Sire March relayed is true."</p><p>The room had fallen silent for the briefest moment while Darren spoke, then erupted back into a cacophony of noise. A mixed bag of raucous cheering and bellowed questions about what Kurda was doing there. No one would dare lay a finger on Kurda since he arrived in Darren's company - but it was clear that plenty of them wanted to. Kurda didn't look anywhere or at anyone in particular. His eyes seemed to glaze over as he stood there and took it all.</p><p>Darren stared at Arrow for another moment, then his eyes flicked over to Mika, almost apologetically. Then he turned his back on the throne platform to face the crowd. He raised one hand, and the entire place immediately fell silent again.</p><p>"I know you want to know the reasoning behind Kurda Smahlt's presence in Vampire Mountain. Last time he was here, he was permanently exiled for high treason." Darren continued in the same determined cadence. "And I don't blame you for having strong feelings about his sudden arrival! It is not a story I can easily condense. But I can tell you he has returned to Vampire Mountain with the full permission of not only myself, but also Sire March. If Sires Arrow and Ver Leth have objections, they can take it up with me privately. Otherwise-"</p><p>Darren's address was then drowned out by more shouting, more questions. Mika drew breath to demand silence, to admonish them all for disrespecting Darren. But the kid beat him to the punch magnificently.</p><p>"It is directly because of Kurda's intervention that the Vampaneze Lord was killed!" Darren snarled, stunning the whole room. "I cannot say if he will be formally pardoned. His future will be discussed among all four Princes in the coming days. But until things are finalized, anyone who threatens Kurda will be arrested. Do not test me."</p><p>And Darren said it with such crystal-clear conviction, there wouldn't be a soul in the clan who'd put his words to the test. His eyes and his tone said it all: <em>fuck around and find out.</em> Mika knew the look and the tone well, seeing as he invented it. If he had the mental bandwidth for it in that moment, he might've even been proud of Darren. But of course, he had other things on his mind. Like what a humbling twist of destiny it was, that seven years ago it had been Darren's earth-shattering accusation that resulted in Kurda being arrested instead of invested. And when Kurda returned, it was under the protection of that same boy who'd derailed his plan at the last minute, half-naked and covered in flour.</p><p>But Darren wasn't that boy anymore. He was a ruler now. A pillar of the clan, every bit as tough as Mika, Arrow, or Vancha - it was evident by the steadiness of his voice as he stared down a mob that would've been waving pitchforks and torches had there been any available. But Mika didn't miss the weary haze in Darren's eyes, the bruising on his face and exposed forearms, or the way he seemed to be swaying. Mika and Arrow exchanged a knowing nod. Like Darren said, this wasn't the time or place for a public spectacle.</p><p>"Everyone, clear the hall!" Mika ordered loudly. "There'll be a public explanation as soon as we have one to offer. But first we'll discuss this matter with Sire Shan alone."</p><p>Gracie descended the throne platform, but stopped several feet from where Mika and Kurda were standing. None of them spoke for a moment, Kurda and Gracie simply took each other in. Kurda's face brimmed with more emotion than an army of world-class poets could ever express. Mika watched Gracie watch Kurda out of the corner of his eye. She looked bewildered as all fuck, and rightfully so. Tense, too. As overwhelmed as Mika felt, he could only imagine how much harder this was for her. But with that said, she didn't look upset. She almost looked hopeful.</p><p>Kurda opened his mouth to speak, but Gracie beat him to it.</p><p>"We read your letter." She told him. Her voice held steady even as her lip trembled slightly. Then she abruptly ran into Kurda's arms. And he locked his arms around her as though she'd disappear if he let go for even a second. Kurda's eyes found Mika's again as he stood there clinging to her. Those intimately familiar blues were swimming with tears, and Mika had to look away again in order to remain any semblance of emotional stability. Even though the occupants of this room had been reduced to the small circle he considered family, this was still a pivotal moment for the clan. Mika figured if he managed to sideline his personal feelings until after Kurda's trial all those years ago, he supposed he could do it again.</p><p>After a moment, Gracie pulled back from the embrace to glance apprehensively at Mika.</p><p>"Am I everyone? Do you want me to leave too?" She inquired in an undertone as her eyes wandered over the crowd of exiting vampires.</p><p>"Only if you want to." Said Mika, just as softly. "If it's too much, you can go. But you're welcome to stay."</p><p>"Do you want me to stay?" She asked.</p><p>Mika and Kurda answered at the same time.</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>She seemed to consider it for a moment, then nodded determinedly. Mika reached over and squeezed her hand reassuringly before refocusing on Darren.</p><p>"You look terrible. Let's sit down." Mika ordered, not unkindly. Darren nodded, then followed Mika back up the stairs to the thrones with Kurda, Harkat, and Gracie following suit. Mika paused for a moment and waited for Gracie to catch up with him.</p><p>"Are you okay?" He asked her very seriously. "You can tell me if -"</p><p>"Are <em>you </em>okay?" She countered swiftly, looking shrewdly back at him out of wet eyes.</p><p>"It doesn't matter. I have a job to do." Said Mika. "You don't."</p><p>"Well if it makes your job any easier, I'm okay."</p><p>Words failed him, so Mika nodded in appreciation.</p><p>"You work here now?" Darren chuckled weakly at Gracie as she returned to Paris's throne where she'd been seated before.</p><p>"They'll hire anyone these days. I mean, just look at you." Gracie replied without missing a beat. She spared Darren a brief grin as she wiped the last of the tears from her eyes. "Congrats on puberty." She added seriously. "Now you <em>almost</em> look old enough to cross the street without Mr. Crepsley holding your hand."</p><p>Mika heard Kurda stifle a chuckle, and had to blink a few times to keep his eyes clear.</p><p>"You're back." Arrow addressed Kurda very bluntly, with what seemed to be as much tact as he could muster.</p><p>"So it appears." Kurda replied. Mika watched silently as Kurda held Arrow's blazing look. Arrow didn't exactly look angry, but Mika's inner pessimist was still expecting Arrow's age-old prejudice to jump back out. And Mika was fully prepared to step between them if Arrow let that get the better of him. But it became clear he should've had more faith in his friend.</p><p>"I never expected to see you again." Said Arrow.</p><p>"Likewise, Sire." Kurda rasped. He was very pale.</p><p>"Sorry for not consulting you about this first." Said Darren, glancing at Mika and Arrow in turn. "Time wasn't on our side."</p><p>"The two of you always did keep us on our toes." Mika noted, glancing at Darren and Kurda in turn. He made a valiant attempt at sounding casual even though that was the understatement of the century.</p><p>"What condition is Larten in?" Arrow asked, and Darren seemed to crumble from within.</p><p>"I don't know." Said Darren in a small, scared voice that sharply contrasted with the one he'd used to defend Kurda just minutes ago. "He's in the infirmary now. The medics took him as soon as we arrived. We knew the journey here would endanger him, but he definitely would've died if we stayed where we were."</p><p>"I'll admit Vancha's brief message left me with more questions than answers." Mika remarked. "Bringing Larten to a hospital wasn't an option?"</p><p>"That was out of the question." Said Darren, shaking his head firmly. "It's a long story and I'll get to it... but we would've been arrested on sight if we did that. Vancha and I could've escaped, but Larten was too weak. The Vampire Mountain medics were his only chance."</p><p>"Fair enough." Said Mika. "I know we have a lot to discuss, but I really need answers about the helicopter."</p><p>Darren laughed hollowly.</p><p>"To make a long story very short, Vancha accidentally made friends with a police chief. With his help, she commandeered a Med-evac. Illegally, of course -"</p><p>"You were working with the human police?" Arrow interrupted, aghast.</p><p>Darren sighed, and managed a weak grin.</p><p>"You know, this will make more sense to everyone if I just start at the beginning. Let's go in the meeting room - the chairs in there are a lot more comfortable." He suggested, pointing at the door behind the throne area.</p><p>Mika and Arrow nodded in unison.</p><p>"Lead the way, Sire Shan."</p><p>
  <em> <strong>I can't make it go away by making you a villain</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>I guess it's the price I paid for seven years in Heaven</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>And I pulled your body into mine</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Every goddamn night, now I get fake niceties</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>No one teaches you what to do</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>When a good man hurts you</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>And you know you hurt him, too</strong> </em>
</p><p>Between Darren and Kurda's retellings of the events that led to their unexpected return, story time spanned over three hours.</p><p>Darren sat at the head of the table and did the majority of the talking, starting with his journey from the time he left the mountain, and summarizing the first encounter with the Vampaneze Lord. Mika and Arrow had heard Vancha's side of those events, but listened respectfully to Darren's version. He told them about the triumphant moment he reunited with his childhood best friend while Larten and Vancha were away at Paris's funeral. He told them about the whole group working together as allies upon Larten and Vancha's return, and the devastation that ensued when he realized his friend was no friend at all. Mika probably could've told him that in the first place and saved him some time and disappointment, but kept his mouth shut and nodded along supportively.</p><p>Admittedly it was getting harder and harder to see Darren as the plucky little kid who first showed up here all those years ago. He'd truly grown into his role in every way. And that was evidently clear by what had transpired in the Cavern of Retribution. Mika felt the blood drain from his face as Darren described how he'd sliced into Kurda's fingertips and performed a blood transfusion as a desperate attempt to save his life. Mika didn't even realize he was shaking until he felt Kurda's hand close around his, beneath the table and out of sight from everyone else. Mika kept his eyes on Darren, but clung Kurda's hand all the while.</p><p>Then it was over. It was all out on the table and everyone was finally on the same page. Darren left the room first, heading up to the infirmary to check on both Larten and his prisoner. Harkat trailed behind him as usual. Gracie went shortly after him, saying she needed to go for a walk to clear her head and grab a bite to eat. Which was a relief for Mika. He wanted to discuss a few things with Kurda in private before the three of them talked, but he would've felt bad <em>asking </em>her to leave the room. She gently hugged both Mika and Kurda in turn, and they promised they'd meet up with her later.</p><p>Then there were three: Mika, Arrow, and Kurda.</p><p>Mika used to live for these moments, back in his old life when it felt like nothing would ever go wrong. Sitting here in this room with his best friend on one side and his better half on the other. He always felt privileged beyond measure to be there with both of them in those rare moments when Arrow and Kurda actually got along. Or pretended to, for Mika's sake.</p><p>Everything about this situation felt alien, surreal. Like there was another shoe to drop. Mika chalked that up to shock, it happened so quickly after all. One second they were at war, and the next second... peace between the clans? Mika thought the end of the war would bring him more relief than he currently felt. But PTSD was his roommate, so he also wasn't surprised at how difficult it was to lower his guard. He figured it'd sink in after a day or two, then he'd want to celebrate. But for now... he was tense.</p><p>"I trust Darren completely, but I don't like that half-vampaneze being here in the mountain." Arrow muttered darkly once the others left. "I know we have to take Vancha's brother at his word... but funnily enough, that doesn't make me feel much better about it. I'm surprised Vancha allowed it in the first place."</p><p>"Darren has just as much power as Vancha, or you, or me." Said Mika wearily. "I know we sometimes forget, but he's not an idiot. Like he said, we'll make sure the prisoner is guarded around the clock. I'll assign Jakob Wiles to oversee his security. I trained him myself. He's solid."</p><p>Arrow nodded thoughtfully. Then frowned.</p><p>"Don't you think it's strange how quickly Vancha's brother was ready to exchange his apprentice's life for a new treaty?" Arrow's stream of consciousness continued. "I can't imagine he'd have enough influence to get his entire clan on his side. It's not like any of the vampaneze can pull rank on each other like we can."</p><p>"Yes, it's strange. No, I don't know what Gannen's deal is. I'm sure Vancha will clarify things further when he gets back." Mika replied hollowly, staring down at the table blankly. Kurda stayed quiet, watching Arrow out of the corner of his eye, not wanting to press his luck.</p><p>Arrow's frown deepened for a moment, then his face softened with realization as he glanced over at Mika.</p><p>"Do you want me to fuck off so you two can hash out your personal shit?" Arrow asked.</p><p>"Of course not, Sire." Kurda chimed in, looking suddenly guilty.</p><p>"Yeah, kinda." Said Mika flatly at the exact same moment, arching an eyebrow pointedly at Arrow.</p><p>"Alright." Said Arrow, with trace amounts of empathy. He got up slowly and paused to squeeze Mika's shoulder before leaving the room. "I'm going to go see how Larten is. Let me know when you need a break from Hall duty, and I'll tap back in."</p><p>Mika looked up at him and smiled apologetically.</p><p>"Thanks, A. See you later."</p><p>Arrow nodded and turned to go. As he passed Kurda, he paused for a moment and his arm made an awkward, jerky sort of movement as though he almost patted Kurda's shoulder or something, but thought better of it at the last moment. And he carried on his way.</p><p>Mika expected to feel calmer once Arrow left the room, once he was finally alone with Kurda. But the second he heard the door click behind him, a sickening sense of irrational, impending doom gripped him from the inside. Supercharged, bastardized déjà-vu that momentarily rendered him unable to even look at Kurda. He leaned forward with his face in his hands, blocking out the rest of the world trying to stay grounded.</p><p>The last time they'd been alone in this room was torture for both of them. It had been after Kurda's trial, before he left the mountain indefinitely. Mika had pulled him in here to lay out the fine print of the exile agreement where Gracie was concerned. They'd sat on opposite sides of this very table, in the same chairs they sat in now, sharing the worst day of their lives.</p><p>Mika was so caught up in his own head he didn't realize how fast he was breathing, til he felt a soft, familiar hand on his back. Suddenly Kurda wasn't across the table from him anymore. Suddenly they weren't on opposing sides like they'd been on that night from hell seven years ago. That night that scarred them so deeply it was almost impossible to accept the moment the nightmare actually <em>ended</em>. But as impossible and terrifying as it was to believe it, it was real. Kurda was back on his side, not just metaphorically but literally sitting in the chair next to Mika as if he'd never left.</p><p>Kurda didn't try to speak. He just sat and ran his hand in circles around Mika's back til Mika finally felt his muscles unlock, til the iron fist of panic loosened its grip on his heart. Then slowly he raised his head and looked at Kurda, forcing his eyes to focus.</p><p>"I'm good." He whispered.</p><p>"You sure?" Kurda replied just as quietly.</p><p>"Yeah. You good?"</p><p>"I'm good." Kurda echoed.</p><p>Mika exhaled heavily and ran his hands through his hair.</p><p>A beat of silence.</p><p>And another.</p><p>"So you read the letter..." Said Kurda at last. He tilted his body sideways in his chair so he could look directly at Mika.</p><p>"Like I said, your attempts to surprise me tend to end in psychological trauma." Mika replied matter-of-factly.</p><p>"I couldn't tell you, Mika." Kurda blurted out, tripping over the words. "I wanted to. I almost did... the night you visited me. When I saw those scars on your arms. But the clan needed you. Needed you to leave me in the past. And then -"</p><p>"I understand your reasoning, but..." Mika felt the words die on his lips as the old rage, the familiar pain flared up all over again. "Actually, no. I don't understand. How could you walk out of here letting me believe that, when it wasn't the truth? Kurda, I spent almost a year destroying myself over it."</p><p>Kurda's face went grey, and he looked so thoroughly on the verge of throwing up that Mika instinctively leaned back.</p><p>"There aren't enough lifetimes for me to tell you how much I wish I could have done it differently." Kurda choked, stumbling over each word. "You have to believe me when I tell you my decision to hide the truth was a last-ditch effort to give the clan a fighting chance, even after my plan failed."</p><p>"Because that makes perfect fucking sense." Mika snapped back, louder and with more bitterness than he intended.</p><p>"It wasn't about sparing your feelings. It was about keeping your priorities where they were needed." Kurda sighed. "I knew Paris didn't have much time. And I feared Arrow's willingness to spill blood could be disastrous for the clan. I respect Vancha, but a man that reckless will only live so long. And I wouldn't find out about Darren til years later - so that left you." Kurda explained. "You and I both know you have a history of blurring the lines between your feelings for me and your duty to the clan. And I just figured by that point... you'd be better off without me."</p><p>Mika stayed quiet for a long time, breathing heavily and waiting in vain for those words to hit home. He wanted to cry, wanted to scream in Kurda's face how fucking wrong that was. Barely a year ago, that's exactly what he would have done. Would have lashed out in pain and anger.</p><p>But he'd been there, done that, didn't help. Kurda already knew the damage he'd done. Mika wanted Kurda to know his pain - but he didn't want him to <em>feel </em>it.</p><p>"I have never been, and will never be better off without you." Mika whispered, having to force each word out. "But I believe you believed hiding the letter was better for everyone. As a Prince, I thank you for your loyalty to the clan. But as myself... you still broke my fucking heart. And even worse, Gracie's." His voice finally cracked. "And we finally accepted it, only to find out you lied by omission and it didn't have to hurt as much as it did?"</p><p>"Do you want me to leave?" Kurda asked, his voice so low and strained it was barely audible. Mika stared back at him silently for several long moments.</p><p>"No." He said at last. That one syllable contained a novel's worth of truth and emotion.</p><p>"Then what do you want from me now, Mika?" Kurda murmured. "Tell me where I start fixing this."</p><p>"All I want right now is to not have this conversation ever again." Said Mika. His voice was thin, but steady. "You know what the consequences were. And I know why you made the choices you did. That covers it. Now we move on and figure out what's next. I just need this to finally be over. That's what I want from you now."</p><p>"We can't just pick up where we left off." Kurda protested. "It's not that simple."</p><p>Mika's face darkened even as he let out a harsh, humourless laugh.</p><p>"I am <em>painfully</em> aware of that, Kurda." He shot back. "Trust me, I know it's not that simple. Nothing's ever going to be simple again. Even if we could go back, I don't know if I would. But you're here now. Everything is changing between the clans, and we have a daughter who lost everything because of our war. It's bigger than us. I don't know what it's going to look like - I just know I still need you on my team."</p><p>Kurda nodded, blinking. He exhaled, visibly relieved.</p><p>"I'm on your team. Always going to be on your team."</p><p>"I'd already forgiven you for trying to kill me." Mika added. "So, forgiving you for lying about it actually wasn't as hard as it probably should have been." He finished with a shaky, fractured laugh. Because it was either that or cry.</p><p>Kurda wasn't faring quite so well. He closed his eyes and seemed to crumble from within as he took a few shuddering breaths. Mika wrapped his arms around Kurda, driven by pure instinct and muscle memory. Funny how Kurda was the one who'd returned to this place after a lengthy absence, yet Mika was the one who felt like he was finally home.</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Honey, when I'm above the trees</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>I see it for what it is</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>But now my eyes leak acid rain on the pillow where you used to lay your head</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>After giving you the best I had</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Tell me what to give after that</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>All you want from me now is the green light of forgiveness</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>You haven't met the new me yet</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>And I think she'll give you that</strong> </em>
</p><p>Kurda's body trembled as he tried to suppress his sobs, but it wasn't long before lost that battle and melted into Mika's rock-solid embrace. And the only reason Mika hadn't broken down himself was because whatever little gnome or gremlin was in charge of pulling strings in his brain was still standing slack-jawed by the control panel, with no earthly clue how to proceed. It had pretty much been frozen there ever since Kurda appeared four hours ago.</p><p>Slowly but surely, the sound of Kurda's sobs brought Mika back to earth where he could be one with his senses again. His body softened as he leaned into Kurda just as much as Kurda was leaning into him. One hand gently caressing Kurda's trembling back and the other cradling his head, keeping it nestled into Mika's chest, directly against the place where his heartbeat was gradually returning to a level that didn't feel like it was approaching some invisible red line of death.</p><p>Then, Mika's hand inadvertently disturbed an injury concealed beneath Kurda's shirt, and the blond yelped in pain and flinched.</p><p>"I'm sorry..." Mika gasped. He pulled back from Kurda and cupped the blond's fine-featured face in his hands. He couldn't help but run his thumb along Kurda's cheekbone, clearing away the last of the tears. He could see Kurda was swaying in his seat, and Mika felt a flash of guilt for not considering his injuries sooner. "I'm taking you to the medics." Said Mika. "I should've done that already. Come on."</p><p>Kurda shook his head determinedly.</p><p>"No. I'm fine here. I just need to sit and relax for a while. Maybe have a drink."</p><p>"You can do all that in the infirmary." Mika countered. As gently as possible, he tried to pull Kurda to his feet but was met with resistance as Kurda tensed and leaned away from him.</p><p>"Kurda... come on. You almost bled out in that fucking hell hole. It's a miracle Darren was able to bring you back. Honestly, if it was anyone but you I'd say it was stupid of him to even try." Mika pressed, trying to keep the urgency from slipping into his voice.</p><p>"I'm not ready to walk around the mountain yet... getting here was hard enough. Just let me stay in this room. I'll be fine." Kurda whimpered. Suddenly his voice was thin and panicked. And Mika knew he wasn't trying to be stoic on account of his injuries - he was afraid. Because no matter what any of the Princes said, there were dozens of vampires in this place who wanted him dead. Mika sat back down, looping his arm back around Kurda's hunched shoulders. Mika didn't want to physically drag him anywhere against his will... but he hadn't ruled it out. Kurda's face was getting paler by the second, and he was still shaking.</p><p>Mika watched anxiously, afraid to touch Kurda in the wrong place and aggravate the injuries. Injuries Mika was nowhere near equipped to handle in the privacy of this little room. He reached out and gripped Kurda's hand, looking into his eyes.</p><p>"Listen to me." He told Kurda in an undertone, speaking slowly and clearly. "I know you're scared. But you cannot stay in here. Whatever patch job they gave you back there isn't good enough. You did not go through all of that just to die of an infection in the fucking meeting room because you're too stubborn to go to the infirmary. Let's go."</p><p>"I'm not stubborn." Kurda objected. "That's you. That's always been you."</p><p>"Stop fighting me on this. Seriously." Mika retorted. He slowly tried to stand up again, maintaining his grasp on Kurda's hand in a second attempt to get him up out of his chair. This time, Kurda wrenched the limb away and stared back up at him with a haunting expression of pure panic.</p><p>"Mika, please. Let me stay here. It's not as bad as you think. I just need to rest."</p><p>Mika took a deep breath and let it out in the form of an exasperated groan so Kurda would know exactly how much stress he was causing.</p><p>"Alright, here's the new deal. Let me see the wound. If it's really not as bad as I think it is, I'll have someone bring me some supplies so I can clean it up in here. And you can stay in this room until everything's sorted out." Said Mika.</p><p>Kurda nodded slowly, but he seemed to be struggling to even keep his eyes open, and he was swaying. Mika carried on, employing his well-polished negotiator voice:</p><p>"But if it's as much of a raging hot mess as I think it's going to be... then I'm carrying you up to the infirmary kicking and screaming. Because you're <em>really</em> not in a position to be making demands here."</p><p>"Fine." Kurda whispered. He closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair, face ashen. Mika didn't have to ask where the worst of the injuries were located, the bloodstains on Kurda's shirt told the story clearly. Mika already knew how this was going to go, but when he slowly lifted Kurda's shirt to assess the damage, he gasped. It was so much worse than he expected. He didn't understand how Kurda survived the trip back to the mountain, much less kept himself together for four hours worth of debriefing. It was a massive stab wound, held together with a mixture of dirty bandages and apparently just enough healing saliva to get by - but that wouldn't be enough for a wound like this. Kurda should've been rushed to the infirmary right alongside Larten and the other guy - Stan, or Stu, or whatever the fuck his name was. Mika fully intended on circling back to <em>that</em> particular surprise at a later time.</p><p>It was only now that Mika truly felt tears scorching his eyes, looking down at this gruesome reminder of how Kurda put it all on the line for them - again. And didn't expect a single <em>fucking</em> thing in return. And the most gut-wrenching part was the fact that after all of that, he was genuinely terrified of what might happen if he found himself alone with some of his clanmates.</p><p>Mika didn't say a word, didn't even ask. Moving as gently but as quickly as he possibly could, he slipped his arms around Kurda and with painstaking care he picked him up out of the chair and cradled him against his chest. Kurda seemed to have grown weaker in that brief moment of time, because he didn't protest when Mika picked him up. Mika summoned Arrow back to the Hall of Princes, but didn't wait for him. He walked out of the meeting room, out of the Hall still holding onto Kurda as he slipped out of consciousness. He didn't stop, but he viciously dead-eyed every last guard who had the <em>balls</em> to give him a funny look as he went, and did the same to every other vampire he passed on route to the infirmary. Silently daring every last one of them to say something so he could go for their throat. But none of them did.</p><p>He laid Kurda down on the cot at the far end of the infirmary and called Jai Yang over. He sat numbly beside Kurda as Jai dutifully set about cleaning and treating the injuries. The knife hole in his stomach was the worst, but it wasn't the only. Jai quickly affirmed that while the injuries were severe, they weren't life-threatening. As long as they didn't become infected, Kurda would be just fine.</p><p>Jai left to go check on Larten again, who was on the other side of the room. By then, Kurda was sound asleep. And fuck, did he ever deserve it.</p><p>"I've done everything within my power to heal him, but his injuries are catastrophic. He's stable -" Mika heard Jai tell Darren on the other side of the room.</p><p>"That means he'll be okay, right? Stable is a good thing?" Said Darren.</p><p>"He's in better shape than he was before he got here..." Jai replied slowly. "But there's only so much I can do, especially here in the mountain. Even a fully-equipped human hospital might not be enough to bring him back from that."</p><p>"What are you saying?"</p><p>"I'm saying it's bad. You should prepare yourself for the worst."</p><p>"Is Mr. Crepsley going to die?"</p><p>Mika heard someone took a deep breath, probably Jai.</p><p>"I hope to the gods I'm wrong, Sire Shan. But it's very possible he might. I am sorry."</p><p>In hindsight, Mika was grateful he hadn't known when his own mentor was about to die. Because even though Paris's life had run its full, spectacular course and then some, even though Paris owed the world nothing... the loss was still monumental. And excruciating.</p><p>Mika wandered over. Larten was doing an unsettlingly good impression of a corpse, lying on a cot slightly smaller than Kurda's. Darren sat at the foot of the bed, his head in his hands. Harkat was sitting beside him, patting his back dutifully.</p><p>Jai sighed wearily, clearly he knew there was nothing else he could say to Darren in this moment. He exchanged a quick nod with Mika before retreating.</p><p>Darren glanced up at Mika, seeming like he was trying to snap himself out of it. As if he didn't want Mika to know he'd been crying. And Mika had to try very hard not to roll his eyes. If only that kid knew how many times in recent history Mika had to lock himself in the meeting room and focus all his willpower on re-composing himself and putting his war face back on in time for whatever meeting was next on his agenda.</p><p>Mika paused.</p><p>"Do you mind if I sit?" He asked.</p><p>Darren nodded in affirmation. And technically that could've meant, "<em>yes, I mind, piss off,"</em> or "<em>of course, come on over".</em> Mika chose to assume the latter. He took a seat in the uncomfortable wooden chair next to the cot. Larten's face looked even worse up close.</p><p>"Has he been awake at all?" Mika ventured. Darren shook his head.</p><p>"He's sedated." Harkat explained, shaking his head. "Jai said it'll wear off... in a few hours. So he might wake up then... or he might not... wake up at all."</p><p>Mika nodded understandingly. He didn't know what to say, but he did know sometimes it was better to say nothing at all. It was definitely not the time to spout some bullshit about how helping end the War of the Scars is probably the most honourable way a vampire can go out. It wasn't exactly wrong, but it wasn't what Darren needed to hear right now.</p><p>"Serious question, Darren..." Said Mika. He paused until Darren glanced warily up at him. "Has anyone asked you if you're okay yet?"</p><p>It was very evident those were the last words Darren expected to hear from Mika.</p><p>"No." Said Darren after a moment, his voice a low rasp.</p><p>"<em>Are</em> you okay?"</p><p>Darren nodded fiercely, despite the fact that he was visibly coming apart at the seams. When Darren finally broke down, Mika supposed this must be how Renley felt the night Paris died. The exact moment when Mika's iron walls came crashing down and he couldn't keep it together any longer. Darren sobbed erratically for several minutes as Harkat continued to pat his back. At least Harkat was here to fill that role - so Mika kept a distance.</p><p>"I'm no medic, but I've known Larten over half my life now. If anyone can pull through, it's him." Said Mika eventually. "Toughest son of a bitch I've ever met. If anything on this earth was capable of killing him, it would've happened decades ago. He's too stubborn to die."</p><p>That elicited a sniffly chuckle from Darren, and Mika took it as a win. He kept Darren company for a while longer, making small talk and updating him on what he'd missed since he'd been away from the mountain. About twenty minutes later, Jai returned from the direction of his makeshift operating room.</p><p>"The other one is now stable as well. What would you have us do with him, Sire?" He inquired tiredly.</p><p>Mika spun around and answered instinctively,</p><p>"Who's stable?" He snapped, momentarily forgetting the situation.</p><p>Jai gave an apologetic little half-smile.</p><p>"...Apologies. I was addressing Sire Shan." He clarified politely.</p><p>"Right. Sorry, Darren." Said Mika unabashedly. "Carry on."</p><p>But the inadvertent faux-pas earned a wheezy chuckle from a very frazzled Harkat, and even a proper laugh from Darren himself. But it didn't last.</p><p>"Thanks, Jai." Said Darren, and suddenly he looked like he'd aged several decades. "Have him moved to the maximum security area of the dungeon. I want him guarded every second of every day and night until I get this sorted out."</p><p>Jai nodded and retreated, and a few moments later they watched as a handful of medics and guards hustled past, bearing a stretcher on which lay a tall, dark-clad figure with hair so blond it was practically white.</p><p>"Is that your special guest?" Mika inquired, eyeing the unconscious half-vampaneze as he went by.</p><p>"The very one." Said Darren grimly.</p><p>Mika opened his mouth to say something, and Darren watched him with an expectant, resigned expression. But Mika changed his mind at the last second and kept his comments to himself, and Darren and Harkat left to go meet up with Seba.</p><p>Mika didn't give the prisoner a second thought. He sat back on the cot next to Kurda, propped up against the headboard, trying to stay alert. Close enough to share his body heat, but not close enough to brush against Kurda's freshly dressed wounds. Kurda had dozed off again, and Mika had to fight to keep from doing the same. He knew he had to leave this room and get back to business - Kurda's unexpected arrival somehow wasn't the most buckwild thing to happen to the clan today. But he couldn't tear himself away.</p><p>
  <em> <strong>There'll be happiness after you</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>But there was happiness because of you, too</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Both of these things can be true</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>There is happiness</strong> </em>
</p><p>Gracie appeared a few minutes later and sat on the bedside chair, propping her feet up on the cot as though settling in for the long haul. She kept her eyes on Kurda as though still not entirely convinced he wasn't a hallucination.</p><p>"Is he going to be part of the clan again?" She asked Mika in an undertone.</p><p>"From what Darren told us, I think he'll be a key player in establishing a new treaty with the vampaneze. He'll have more influence with them than any other vampire except perhaps Vancha. I don't know what that means for his exile sentence, whether it'll be a full pardon or a temporary suspension til the treaty is finalized."Mika explained. "There's a lot we still have to discuss. Today was just the tip of the iceberg."</p><p>She nodded understandingly and fell quiet for a while before breaking the silence again.</p><p>"Did you tell him we're going through with it?" She held up her fingertips that still bore the tiny cuts from where her debut as half-vampire had been interrupted by Vancha's news.</p><p>Mika shook his head and smiled ruefully.</p><p>"Not yet. We'll break it to him tomorrow."</p><p>"I'm glad he'll be here for it after all." She admitted.</p><p>"Me too." Said Mika honestly.</p><p>"I still want you to be the one to do it, though." She added after a brief hesitation. "I'm not ready to share his blood yet. Maybe it'll be different by the time I'm ready to become a full vampire. But for now..."</p><p>"One day at a time." Said Mika. "No matter what happens, he loves you as much as I do. He was so proud of you as a human, and he'll be just as proud of you as a vampire."</p><p>She fell asleep in the chair eventually. Mika figured he should wake her back up and tell her to go to bed, or at least to go sleep in an empty cot instead of that hard chair. But he didn't get that far, because he made the mistake of closing his eyes for a moment.</p><p>And it turned into the best sleep he'd had in seven years.</p><p>
  <em> <strong>In our history, across our great divide</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>There is a glorious sunrise</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Dappled with the flickers of light</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>From the dress I wore at midnight, leave it all behind</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Oh, leave it all behind</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Leave it all behind</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>And there is happiness </strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Y’all don’t even know how hard I fought my own brain to bring this story to this point. And we ain’t done yet. Also, as heart-wrenching as it was, the final chapters of Endgame detailing Kurda’s trial and exile were some of my favourite parts to write because of all the emotions swirling around. And now, I loved writing his return for the same reasons - except it was even better because it didn’t hurt. </p><p>Also - Happy Birthday, Freda!! I didn’t expect to update this again before the big day but I hope you got some smiles out of this one!</p><p>Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment - be the reason your local Mika stan smiles today. </p><p> </p><p>- Roxy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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